 Craft presents the Great Gildersleeve So bring you Bing Crosby every Thursday night present each week at this time Harold Perry as the Great Gildersleeve Written by Leonard L. Evanson And now let's visit our friend the Great Gildersleeve who we find covered with oil and grease having just finished fixing Birdie's sewing machine Her sewing machine is all fixed now Birdie. You should hear that singer hum. Oh, thank you, Mr. Gildersleeve. Is it all right to use now? Oh, yes indeed, Birdie. Go right ahead. No reason now why you can't sew on the little sew-and-sew That's fine. Now I can run up my new summer uniform for the mysterious and bewilderment order of the daughters of clear patriot. Oh, yeah What kind of a summer uniform? Oh, we just switch from the heavy to the lightweight veils Hello, birdie. How'd you get all that oil on your hands and face? You look like you've been playing post office in a grease pit Post office in a grease pit. Well, I never played post office there though. I never mind the frantic antics of my youth. I Look this way because I just finished fixing Birdie's machine. Yes, and I just put my foot on the pedal and away it goes Couldn't have been a better job done if a real mechanic done did it, of course not I'm an expert. Don't forget. I had hundreds of them at the Gildersleeve Gertler works any time Anytime we had a breakdown I bounced right out of my office and fixed the trouble before the motor had a chance to slow down I could take a machine like birdies apart and put it together again in the dark in less time than to take the average Mechanic and broad daylight and another thing a bell. Oh my goodness a visitor mustn't see me in this disgraceful condition I hope there's plenty of hot water Okay, okay, I'm coming right in That ain't the snappiest uniform. I ever did see what you're supposed to be a lady No, birdie. This is the Red Cross Motor Corps uniform. Oh, are you folks do doctor sick automobiles? No, but we're supposed to know how to fix our own cars Well, I have to get back in the kitchen before Leroy hollers at his feet and holler Oh Sorry to keep you waiting darling. Well, you needn't have hurryed I don't think we'll be able to start the motor mechanics course this afternoon after all we won't why not well Mr. Cobb who was supposed to show us how to tear down a motor can't be there. Oh, that's too bad She'll be almost impossible to reach the girls and tell them not to come. Yeah, I don't know what we can do Oh gee, why don't you ask uncle morta teacher? Does he know anything about automobile motors? Oh sure He's a whiz he can take whole cars apart and put them together blindfolded in the dark Why never knew that Leroy I didn't either up until a few minutes ago But he's fixed up birdies old jalapes so that she just puts her foot down on a pedal and away. She goes Oh, no, holy Roy. No one could repair that coffee grinder Well uncle mort did he used to fix all the trucks at his girdle works himself before they could even come to a stop Well, it sounds like your uncle can save the day for his margarine shall we ask him? Well, this is all news to me, but why not a lot of more Attracting in that outfit. Oh, by the way, what outfit is that outfit for? Well, it's the Red Cross and we need your help why certainly how much money just a couple of your hours of your time uncle We'd like to have you come over to headquarters and show us how to take a part and put together a motor like you did for birdie Oh, yes birdies, of course the Red Cross used a lot of when do you want me? Oh this afternoon, Mr. Gildish leave come come penny. Don't be formal. Just call me uncle mort Well Will you uncle more? Oh, I'm sure you could get some better. Well somebody better qualified Don't be modest Besides the man we wanted couldn't show up. Oh, well, I don't know. Oh, you wouldn't want to disappoint all those pretty girls Oh pretty girls Of course if you put it that way, I'll come Fine and you'd better make your talk fairly simple Some of our girls don't know the difference between a hose connection and a garter. Oh, they don't they well I'd have a hard time telling them apart myself Of course that's stretching it a little bit Tell the truth, I'm not so sure about several things myself now take the differential Yeah, no, thank you if I did I wouldn't know what to do You sound as if you didn't know a thing about cars I don't but I know sewing machines from bobbin to shovel I don't see why you have to go into stitches about sewing machines Just no kidding Let's get going now. Oh, come on. Oh be down at headquarters. It's too. Please uncle more What's so funny about sewing machines? Were they giving me the needle? I Don't know you were the one who brought them up Well, I did not they asked me to come to Red Cross headquarters and show the girls how to take care of them didn't they? Oh, no, not sewing machines automobiles, uncle. What? Oh, but I never What have I got myself into? Gee, what's wrong? I don't know anything about auto motors Leroy. Why on half of the new cars I don't even know how to raise the hood Uncle more I didn't mean to get you in this jam. Where are we going to find the mechanic to fix my lecture? This garage we're coming to my no, no soap won't look this shop closed Saturday afternoons Leaping lima beans. Come on, Leroy Now this is so far only one mechanic who works on Saturday afternoons, and he can't speak English. Well Cheer up, honk. Maybe there's one here. I hope so. I'm getting corns on my bunions That I've explained the whole thing to you mister. How about coming with me? Oh me? Oh, I ain't no mechanic You're not then. What are you doing in this garage wearing overalls and carrying a wrench? Oh, I'm the plumber Maybe the girls have all gone home by now Yeah, well, this is the first time I'd rather be looking at popular mechanics Oh, come on. I won't come what give me a little line. Yeah, and he'll take the old line and hang me with it Well, there's more and she sees it can't back out now. Thank you. Marjorie. It's sorry. We're late Well early Roy, I didn't know you were coming along too. Oh, I figured if I came and listened uncle more I'd hear things I never knew before Folded just as easily as he can with his eyes open Oh, that's no lie. Oh Come come don't call me mr. Gildersleeve it just call me uncle more and this is mrs. Sal's very tWitchell uncle more Oh, yes. Now. How do you do? Charmed mrs. tWitchell the pleasure is all mine. I dare say you're right The trickles been kind enough to lend us their station wagon uncle and you're sure mr. Gildersleeve that you're an expert in these matters Don't worry about your benzene buggy mrs. tWitchie You'd be surprised at just how much I know Yeah, if all you sweet young things will get around and you too mrs. tWitchell I'll explain all the important features Hello judge hooker. What are you doing here? Oh, I just came down to see you in action guilty old pal Birdie told me where you were and I figured I might learn something The old goat Ladies, this is judge hooker Judge who never has to lay down the law because after he's through with it it lays down by itself Stop gassing and get started. Yes. All right. And now ladies in studying the modern motor The first thing we encounter is the hood every car should have a hood Do I make myself clear? Oh, yes, Uncle Mowat Uncle Mowat That's right. We're all one big family here at grandpa Covers the motors I said Well now that we've covered the motor Suppose you tell us what goes on under the hood when you start the motor Yes, maybe you'd like to tell the girls judge. No, no, no, no, no, no I wouldn't drop you of the pleasure for anything. You just go right Yes, all right, and now the first you touch the starter that starts the car unless of course you forget to turn on the ignition key Well, suppose you turn the key and step on the starter, but the battery is dead. Who is that? Oh Yes, I see you now my dear. Well, I'm glad you brought that up. That brings us down to dead batteries now a dead battery Wait a minute. Wait a minute You aren't finished with the motor yet fact you haven't started well, how can I with the dead battery? To get back to the motor or as we experts call it the engine The strange thing about an engine is that it might be missing and still be right there Yes This happens when the spark plugs fail To the gas is exhausted out of the exhaust Well, that reminds me I'm exhausted myself Here's a chair. Thank you. Nice car. Let's get out of here pretty soon. You're right. Oh, well, if it's all clear to you now ladies Oh, wait, wait, wait, I'm sure the girls have loads and loads of questions for you. Yes, that's what I thought you backseat driver All right girl. Well, isn't the muffler supposed to keep the motor wall and how often do you oil the fan belt if you have an Do you still need a radiator? Well, yes and no Those are very good questions girls. It shows you worth paying attention Now suppose we take them up say next week. Oh, let's finish them up now. The afternoon is still young. Yes, but I'm not Relax relax. I figured out a nice simple way for you to answer all the girls question What's that judge just show them everything you've been talking about by taking the motor all apart That's a slanted idea uncle morse. Oh Marjorie my own flesh and blood Oh, that should be very interesting. Shouldn't it girl? Well, I'm not sure I know less about automobiles now than I knew when I came here It's beyond me how anyone who looks so simple can make everything look so complicated Go ahead You double-crossing don't over I'd be glad to do it folks Only I didn't bring any tools. Oh, well, there's a complete set in the car. Mr.. Gillis leaves. Oh, fine It's too bad. I'm wearing my best clothes though, isn't it? What that zoot suit? Yeah, just found it cover all well, isn't that just peachy your uncle's little helper aren't you Leroy? Yes, sir. There's a place over here where you can put them on. Oh, well after such a build-up I guess I'll have to tear down the motor. Hey, come on Leroy Here. Oh my coat young man. What's the big idea? I found an instruction book and a catalog of parts in that lady's car. It shows how to fix the motor to fix the motor Oh, that's help. Where is it? I hid it in back of the water cooler out there that way every time you get stuck just go over and take a drink Then you can sneak a look at the book a sneak back in the you're a bright boy You ready now uncle more ready and not for mechanical standpoint Leroy, but let's go Well, how shall we begin? Oh, I see you've removed the hood judge hooker Yes, and here are your tools guilty quiet girls quiet quiet pay attention to uncle more as a mechanic I bet he's a panic. Yes Well, come on girls. Don't be afraid to ask questions No, what am I saying? I don't mind in the crowding a bit What's that little round piece of machinery? Where oh that well, that's the let me see now. Oh, well, that's funny. I'm a bit thirsty. Excuse me while I go get a drink of water I'm going to ask him what I should do about my clutch just trim me on nails, honey Both a radiator and the heater and now my views. Hey, what was that question? Well, I just wanted to know what this little round dingus. Oh that that's the generator Number four B 33 28 amp cells for 895 fob Detroit Smart yeah, you have to take it off before you can get the motor out gilded. Yeah, I knew that hand me the rents Leroy Thanks. Now all I have to do is Just a little shock my dear I'll be all right just assumes I get another drink of water Forget it myself. I don't know I should be so thirsty if something I had for lunch no doubt I'll be right back and dismantle the motor My watch took you just two hours to take that motor apart. Well, give her sleeve I've got a hand it to you in all my experience. I've never seen a man do so much work and drink so much water at the same time Yes, I've been to the cooler more times in a patrol wagon Sit down on you look a little seasick. It's not that Leroy. It's just the tide coming in There's leave is certainly revealed all the mysteries of a motor, but I still don't understand the difference between a heater and a radiator I think you're just wonderful. Yeah, I think you're just Thank you my dear I don't think anyone was more amazed than I was. Oh March. I know someone who was it quietly Roy Hey girls, I've got an idea. How about you being my guest for tea and sandwiches now? It's a nice little place right around the corner Have to wash up first. Oh, no, you mustn't waste any time going to tea. Mr. Gilda sleeve Why not Mrs. Twichelt because you have to put my motor back together again. I'll need it to drive out to my country place later on Oh, yes, I forgot all about your motor. Anyway, I'm so full of water. I couldn't have drunk tea. Anyway Thanks, we run a long girls now, I don't mind I hope you know where to put all those parts. I know where everything should go judge including you Roy. I'm not a violent man, but someday I'm gonna play soccer all day with that little all-day soccer Cheer up uncle more. I bet you can put this motor back together again even faster than oh, what's that? The armies outside I brought down a detachment of men from Fort Platt We were told that there would be a group of Red Cross canteen hostesses here to meet the men. Oh, well I don't know where they could be Say oh, yes, that's what I'll do if how many soldiers have you got outside captain a hundred and forty-two a hundred and forty-two Splendid if one of our public-spirited citizens just took the girls out for snack I'm sure he'd love to have you join it just march your gang over to the tea shop around the corner and ask for judge Hooker you'd be tickled pink to see you We'll hear from the great Gilda sleeve again in just a moment But right now I guess most men will agree that nothing starts the day off right like a good hearty breakfast Yes, give me sizzling hot eggs with plenty of toast or maybe some pancakes or waffles and man alive I'm about ready to lick the world. That's why grand-tasting parquet Margeman deserves a mighty important place on the breakfast table Yes, spread wholesome parquet Margeman on waffles or pancakes or breakfast toast You're sure to love its delicate appetizing flavor and as for those breakfast eggs try pan-frying them in parquet You'll find they're tastier and you like using parquet because it doesn't spatter or stick to the pan Yes, and parquet Margeman is grand for baking too because unlike bland tasteless fats Parquet is a real flavor shortening and remember parquet Margeman is not only good tasting. It's good for you, too Yes wholesome parquet is a mighty nourishing energy food and every pound contains 9,000 units of vitamin a So right now put parquet Margeman at the top of tomorrow's shopping list. Remember it's parquet par K a y it's made by craft And now back to gilders leave and Leroy who have succeeded in putting the motor back together again and have returned home More fried onions mr. Gilles leave. Yeah, no, thanks, but I only ate these to get them out of my sight They look like piston rings, and I never want to look a piston ring in the face again How about you Leroy? Oh, nothing more. Thanks. Well, I think I'll go to an early movie now Yeah, maybe I'll go with you. Is there a hop along Cassidy playing around here any place? No, you've seen all the new hop along How about going to see an eastern picture for a change? No, Leroy when I go to a picture show. I want to hear a lot of shooting. It keeps me awake. Well I Careful little dessert mr. Gilles leave well that depends on what you have to offer Well, that's some custard and a slice of devil's food cake and some pie left over from yesterday Or you can have some stewed fruit and icebox cookies or fix some fresh tapioca pudding And of course there's still some of that strawberry ice cream. Oh, fine. That'll be just right for me You mean oh, no, I wouldn't stuff myself with all of them you can skip the stewed fruit Okay, my take the wide variety of desserts to make a wide variety of gentlemen. Oh Never mind. I'll get that door bell birdie Hello, Gilles leave. Can I see you a minute? Sure take a good look No, I want to talk to you Throckmorton. What do you want you little snake in the bush? I'm a snake say you just stuck me with a hundred and forty two soldiers. Oh, yes the army. I'd forgotten about that Well, what do you want judge? I seem to have lost my watch the last I remember I took it out and set it down to time you when We were at Red Cross headquarters. Oh, did you go back there and look for it? Yes, I was there just now, but I couldn't find hide your hairspring of it. Yes Sure, you didn't happen to pick it up. I'm not accustomed to picking up other people's watches hooker It's a nasty habit that gets you into bad company you start associating with judges and people like that Cut the comedy you big clown. Yeah, let's try to figure out what's happened to that watch It was it valuable I should say given to me by the grand jury after we indicted that fake jewelry racket mob Oh left over from the investigation. No doubt It was not this watch cost a couple hundred dollars. Oh my goodness, what's worrying you hooker I just remembered I set the watch down on the engine block. Well, that's funny I didn't see it when we were putting the motor back together. Oh, maybe it's in one of the cylinders You know that could have happened very easily couldn't it? Yes, it could. Well, don't stand there do something help me Why should I help you you misguided little nincompoop? That's no way to talk to your pal frocky. Come on. Come on We've got a rush down there and tear that motor apart again and rescue that watch before that woman drives it away Oh, you mean Mrs. Salisbury twitchle there sounds like a nervous hamburger Yeah, yeah, the minute she starts that motor my beautiful watch will be ground up into junk Please kill this lead. Please. I'm sorry. I was mean to you this afternoon. Well, all right I'll come down and help you baby But first I'm gonna have a bit of dessert you care to join me in a dishe custard jug No, come on. There isn't a moment to lose now all in good time. She won't start that car your watch is safe What makes you think so because after Leroy and I had the motor all put together again We found six or seven parts. We forgot to put in Station wagon and it looks like the coast is clear Doesn't seem to be any sign of that old battle ax I've just packed some boxes to be sent overseas I wonder if you'd put them in the back of my car Oh, judge hooker only be too glad to do that. Won't you judge? Oh, yes. Yes, of course. Oh, thank you. They're right in here Look pal, I'll take madam hoity-toity out of here while you dig into that motor from my watch nothing doing charm I've been through that engine once today I'll lure the old buffalo away after all I'm more of a lady killer than you are Yeah, they look at you and last on the lap themselves to death Okay, I'll resolve no no no I apologize See if you can get her away from here and then I'll go to work. All right I'll take her out somewhere for a little while, but remember you're gonna pay the expenses Yes, are these the packages mrs. Twitchell? Oh, yes, as soon as they'll load it I'll take them down to the express office. Oh, incidentally. I hope I'll find my car in good condition. Oh, you'll find it All right. I mean you'll find it all right Yeah After I overhauled it all though the the judge called something to my attention and what was that? Well, the judge is quite an expert. He seemed to think that there was a well a sort of a Swiss movement in the motor He thought that if you didn't mind he tried to get it out. Oh, well, all right I'll be in town again tomorrow. Oh, I think he'd rather have you do it right now now Yes, he feels that he could save time that way Oh Right if it won't take too long. Oh, it won't it won't merely a minor adjustment Judge and mrs. Twitchell says it'll be all right. You mean for me to get the watch out What's that? Yeah, be sure to watch out for trouble. It's take your time judge. Take your time Don't worry. He'll watch out. Yeah while he's working. Would you care to step out for a bit of sherbet? Oh, no Oh What's that? Yeah, what's why? That you must have very sharp ears. I can't hear Would you like to go out for a banana split mrs. Twitchell, I know a place where they make the drippy is banana split Oh, no, no, I really don't Now mr. Gilda sleep surely you heard that. Oh, yes, those chimes are certainly beautiful That word chimes those is my car What's he doing to it? Don't worry mrs. Twitchell. He just tuning it up Sounds like wheeling steel makers tuning up Just compose yourself my dear the judge knows what he's doing say I know what you need Oh, you do what a nice big bowl of chili con carne Come come I know a place where they serve the house chili in town with all the beans and onions you want so in in free Wow, you certainly declared total war on that motor it's all out Find the watch no, and I've done everything even strain the oil Where's mrs. Twitchell I left her at the movies I sneaked out while she wasn't looking but you were supposed to stick with her Well, I'd have done it to a pop along castle. He was only there to help me Oh, what's hop along Cassidy got to do with it. He keeps me awake Anyhow, it's after 10 and she'll be back pretty soon and brother if that car isn't all in one piece You won't be either when I look at all these parts scattered from one wall to the other I don't think I'll ever get it back together again. Oh, come on help me. Won't you give it a sleep? Well, I'll tell you what I'll do judge. I'll give you just as much help as you gave me this afternoon No, no, no, no, no, no, no, that isn't fair. You better this all the pretty girls have gone home Okay, I'll do it myself. I always knew you turned out to be a fair weather friend. Well, it's raining Tell me you were here, so I hurried over just as soon as I got home. Leroy. What are you doing out so late? I had to come I clean forgot to tell judge hooker about his watch. What about my watch? Well, you left it on the engine and I picked it up. Here it is judge What and I did all this work for nothing. Oh jumping jeeps, mrs. Which will come on Leroy quick. Let's duck out the back way. Goodbye Childishly we'll be with us again in a few minutes But first I'm sure you hot-wise have to be a pretty wide awake in your food shopping these days Yes, you have to buy wisely be sure the food you get are nourishing good tasting and fit into your food budget, too Well, that's where delicious parquet margarine can help out a lot You see parquet margarine the wholesome modern margarine made by craft just about fills all these requirements It's nourishing it's wonderfully good tasting and parquet margarine's economy helps out a lot in making your food budget work Yes, parquet margarine is a delicious economical source of important food values It's a wholesome highly nutritious food one of the best energy foods you can serve at your table Besides every pound contains 9,000 units of important vitamin a What's more parquet margarine is so delightfully good tasting it just can't be compared with old-time margarines You like its delicate appetizing flavor whether you serve it as a spread for bread or use it for baking and pan-frying So if you're a wise food shopper, you'll certainly try delicious economical parquet margarine. Yes, tomorrow sure order parquet par k a y it's the margarine made by craft Ladies and gentlemen from now on we're going to be on wartime And if time means money wartime means that our country needs all the money we can spare And when you invest in defense bonds and saving stamps you all join in saying you're a hard man MacArthur. Good night We want us again next week at this same time for the further adventures of the great Gildersley this program came to you from Hollywood