 Frank Conn, if you and Eddie Pepitone just covered the Hollywood Christmas parade for the Hallmark Channel, so how'd it go? All things considered, I think it went okay. I had fun. The critics thought Eddie was a little off his game that night. Oh, I don't think so. Eddie was Eddie. Now, I heard something horrible happened to the band leader from Pepitone tonight, Chris Pina. Yes, Chris is in a coma. Oh my God, what happened? Eddie sent Chris out to get him a cup of coffee and Chris got run over by the Batmobile. How do you get run over by a car going five miles an hour? Nobody knows. Eddie feels terrible about it. Well, I don't blame him. No, I mean, Eddie's pissed off that he never got his coffee. Well, Frank, for those of us who weren't there, why don't you give us a little taste of the Hollywood Christmas parade as you and Eddie saw it? Of course, David. Here it is, folks, a few minutes to wet your appetite of the Hollywood Christmas parade. Good evening, everyone, and welcome to the 81st annual Hollywood Christmas parade. I'm Frank Conif, along with our band leader, Chris Pina. And of course, the star of Eddie Pepitone tonight, Eddie Pepitone. Thanks, Frank. You're looking good tonight. Thanks, Eddie. You too. I'm not used to seeing you without your straight jacket. Eddie, I was in rehab a long time ago and they didn't put me in a straight jacket. It's nothing to be ashamed of, Frank. We've all been locked up in a rubber room to keep from hanging ourselves, right, folks? Eddie, this is a parade. Children are watching the show. I know that. And who's that brat sitting in the booth with us? That's not a woman, Eddie. That's Chris Pina. Is that you, Chris? Yeah, Eddie, it's me. Geez, that's a tremendous outfit you're wearing. Thanks, Eddie. You look like Lawrence of Arabia right after the Bedwinds caved into his demands and finally agreed to molest him. Eddie, like I said, this is a children's Christmas show. I heard you the first time, Frank. I know this is a Hallmark special. How the hell did they get their own channel? They can't even make a funny birthday call. Hey, Eddie, here comes Marie Osmond. She's the grand marshal of the Christmas parade. She looks great. Eddie, Marie, who does your makeup? Benjamin Moore? Eddie, she must have gotten up early in the morning so all three coats would be dry by tonight. You know, Eddie, Marie Osmond's been performing professionally ever since she was three years old on the Andy Williams show. Andy Williams has cancer. I think she's an attractive woman. Well, Chris, you'd fall in love with an open can of spackle. Eddie, look, here comes the Pete Wilson Regional High School Marching Band doing their version of Winter Wonderland. Yeah, that's one of my favorite songs about snow. They've been practicing all semester to be here tonight. All that hard work and they still sound like a marching band. I think they sound great, Eddie. Do they, Chris? Do they really? Yeah, kind of, yeah. I'm going to ask you one more time, Chris. One more time, that marching band. What do you think of them? Hmm. They sound bad. What? They sound bad. Again? Bad. How bad? Terrible. Are you asking me or telling me? They sound like crap. Is that all? They sound like a big pile of crap. Do you mean it? Yes. Don't lie to me, Chris Pena. I hate liars. I mean it, Eddie. I do. Don't tell me, Chris. Tell them. Do I have to? Tell them now. You guys dig. I'll tell them why, Chris. You guys can't pay for shit. Eddie, think of the children. I'm sorry, folks. Chris Pena know what he's saying. He hates Christmas. Eddie, did you know the Hollywood Christmas Parade started in 1928? And has continued every year since, except for three years during World War II? Oh, my father was a marine in World War II. Oh, was he? I didn't know that. Yeah, after the war, while my mother cleaned office buildings, my dad brought home hookahs. Hey, Eddie. Look, it's Eric Estrada. Chris, run out and get me a cup of coffee. Put this coffee right there, Eddie. I want a coffee from Starbucks. You hate Starbucks coffee, Eddie. I know. It's ironic. Go get it. Eddie, how is Chris supposed to get Starbucks with the streets blocked off? What are you talking about? He can cut right across the street. You're not supposed to cross the street during the parade. Who made up that rule? I want a Starbucks Grande Mocha with whole milk and plenty of sugar. Okay, Eddie. And a raisin scone. You hate scones. Again, an unexpected turn of events. Move. Here come the bagpipes. That music reminds me of the time I visited Scotland. It reminds me of how much I hate Craig Ferguson. But isn't this a wonderful event, Eddie? Mom and dad are reliving their childhoods through the eyes of their children while remembering their own parents taking them to this parade long ago. Hey, folks, I haven't seen Frank Conniff this happy since he found that bottle of scotch duct tape behind his filing cabinet. And right on schedule, there's Whitney Cummings down on the street ready to describe the action on the curb. Whitney. Hey, Frank. Hey, Whitney, having fun down there? You bet. Nice you standing. Christ, did she ever get two shows? Whitney worked really hard for those shows, Eddie. I'm sure, Frank, she had to pretend Chelsea Handler was funny. Whitney Wednesday nights at NBC at 8.30. It's the Batmobile. Going five miles an hour, color me impressed. And here comes Chris with Eddie's coffee. Oh no, somebody just pushed Chris in front of the Batmobile. Chris, look out! My God, Chris has been run over by the Batmobile. It's his own fault. Still, though, I feel awful. Relax, Frank. It's not really the Batmobile. It's just a replica. On our show, an exclusive interview with UC Davis Police Chief Annette Spokouza.