 Hello, welcome to Think Tech. We're here in the beautiful downtown Honolulu, and we're having a show called The Art of Thinking Smart. This was a show that was developed by David Chang of Wealthbridge, and I'm the Michael North, I'm the guest host for some of the programs. And there's a couple of interesting words in that title. One of them is art, and the other one is smart. And they have something more in common other than the fact that they happen to rhyme. We have a young lady here with us today who I would say she is an artist in the sense of understanding the underpinnings of what makes for successful people and strong people and healing people. And I would say that she is smart because she's not only able to express that within her own self, but she's able to express it in a way that makes sense to other people and as a service. So she is something called a life coach. And the whole idea of being a life coach is something that's very new. It's maybe developed 25 years ago, just the basic idea. So maybe you could tell us what is a life coach, Wendy Baldwin? Hi Michael, a life coach is somebody who guides someone on achieving their greatest goals, their dreams and their desires. A life coach will help someone set up a specific plan, an action plan, and hold their hand and guide them through that process. And a coach also just helps people to live life greater than they ever imagined. So it's something like a mom or a dad or a brother or a sister or a best friend? Sort of all of those swizzled together? You know, we're a little bit of all of that combined and more. You know, the people that I work with, yes, there are elements that I am kind of like a mom so I'm going to push you to achieve. That's right. That's right. And also your sister, your best friend to be compassionate. And the father figure to be a little bit stern. That was a nasty thing to say. I didn't like it. Actually, I never say things like that. Yes, so it's all that and more, excuse me, all in one and more. And there's a professional dimension to it as well. Because you work with people who are working people, professionals. And they need to be able to translate what they're learning about their own inner processes into something that's meaningful in terms of work and their professional lives or professional relationships. Correct. So that's a big part of your success, right? You know, other people's success is my success. Yes. So tell us a little bit about how you got here into this seat. Not the details of the route that you took. But when you were four years old, did you know that this is what you were going to be doing? Is this what you always wanted to do? What was the route that you took? Because I have a feeling that there were some interesting turns along the way that brought Wendy Baldwin to this studio today. I started off always being someone that people came to for advice. I was always somebody that people knew that they were safe to share their deepest, darkest secrets with. And at the time, I could only give the best that I knew how with that information that I had at the various stages of life. When I became my 40s, I had a major turn in life and I started this path where I was introduced to not only coaching but also holistic healing. What's that major turn? Tell us. That sounds juicy. It is. I hit the wall. I absolutely hit the wall physically, emotionally, spiritually, and I was desperate for help. What wall did you hit? I was physically very, very sick. Doctors could not help me. I was emotionally sick. I went to a psychiatrist and I was not able to get help and so I sought other alternative means to save myself. And thus led me down the path of being a coach as well as a healer and that is what got me in the seat today, saving myself and having these incredible tools knowing that I could help other people because people continued to come to me and people knew my story and they knew that I would be able to help them coming from the heart. So you're not perfect and the very fact that you're not perfect is part of what helps you to relate to other imperfect people. Absolutely. I am far from perfect. Really? I'm so disappointed. I know. Shatter my image right off the bat. My illusions are all gone. Stop the show. Tell me about the wall. Who built the wall? I did. Where'd it come from? A lot of tragedy in my life. Starting off in utero, I was unwanted by my birth family, put up for adoption. I just had one trauma after another, a lot of abuse. And whenever things like that happen and you keep it inside that forms disease on the emotional level as well as the physical level and the spiritual level and your body can only take so much until you have a nervous breakdown until you become so sick that you're in the hospital. And I hit that. I hit that wall. Did you know you were hitting it or was it a surprise? Were there warning signs? There were plenty of warning signs and I chose to ignore them. And I do remember the day that I felt like I was an out of control train running towards the cliff and I was trying desperately to find the brakes. It was too late by then? It was almost too late and I say almost too late because I'm still here. I was able to save myself in the nick of time. So it was a life-defying, life-defining moment? Yes, it was. It could have easily ended up differently? Absolutely. And I actually, it's hard to look back in and see myself how I was but I was also at the point that I teetered between wanting to live and wanting to die. It was a big theme in my life and fortunately through my reaching out for help through these alternative means which was terrifying. I want to stress how scary it was to pick up the phone and ask for help but thankfully I did that and thankfully I am able to be a beacon of hope for other people to reach out and get that help before they get to the point that I got to. So is that the key asking for help? What is that choice? There was a moment when you deliberately chose life over the alternative. What was that moment like? What was the key to that in your heart? My children. I had two small children. I needed to live for my children. And I, like I said, I was terrified but I was able to find a phone number for somebody in the psychiatric field and I was married at the time. I had to get the courage to tell my husband that I needed help. I was raised with a belief system that when you need help that you're weak and there's something wrong and you're crazy and I had to just squash that belief system and reach out and dial, pick up that 250 pound phone, dial and ask for help. What made it so heavy, that phone? Just the fear. The absolute fear. Fear of? Of everything. Being exposed? Being exposed, being judged. That was really big of being judged. Feeling like a failure. There's something wrong with you because there's not supposed to be anything wrong with you. You know, you go through life. I was always expected to be the happy person. And living in a dual state of yes, part of me was happy but there was this underlying secret. So that happiness was a prison of a sort? It was of a sort, yes. Because I wasn't able to express who I really was on the other side, how I really felt I should say. Okay, so let's try something here. Are you ready? Yes. Yes. Watching this program right now, there's a number of people who are feeling something like what you were talking about. My life is out of control. I don't know, it doesn't make sense anymore. I hate my job. I can't relate to my husband anymore. He won't listen to me. My kids, they don't respect me. I don't know what it's all about. I'm feeling completely unappreciated. I'm feeling like there's terrorism and I don't know if I'm going to be able to survive with health care coming down on me. So there's macro, micro and in the middle and I'm sitting here on the freeway and the damn traffic won't move and I'm going to be late for this appointment again. Can you speak to that person right here and give them a moment? Absolutely. First of all, I want to say I'm very sorry for what you are going through. I understand your pain. I understand that you may feel like there's no hope. I want to share with you that there is hope. You just have to hang on a little bit longer and have the courage to reach out to whoever it is, to someone like me, someone that you feel safe with, someone you feel comfortable with and open up. What I have found is that when you're willing to open up and just start a conversation and just admit where you are on the inside, it changes everything and these changes come in small steps but change is a journey. It's not a destination, it's a journey and we can look at that as life changing. Never give up. And here's something that is really important that you may not understand is that you matter and that is something that is a message that I want to get out to people that you matter. You might not feel like it. So many of us are brought up to believe that we don't matter. We're stupid, we're fat, we're ugly, we're not smart. You matter. You have to silence those in your critics and just have faith. I'm an example of what is possible, going from near destruction, wanting to die. Actually when I was 10 years old it was the first time that I actually tried to kill myself, thankfully it wasn't very smart. Even into adulthood I battled with it. There is hope and I want you to really hear that there is hope. There is a way that you can achieve a better life and be happy. I have discovered Michael that happiness I read this really great line that says we buy into this false belief about what happiness is an artificial belief. We don't even know what real happiness is until we stop all the chaos that is in our life and we look within. Happiness is beautiful, it's magical and I've experienced it going from one extreme of the pendulum to the other. Is it just the absence of desperation or what is happiness? You know that's a good launching point the opposite of desperation. Happiness is freedom. It's freedom of other people's judgment. It's forgiveness. It's being present and in the moment and knowing that everything is okay. Happiness is being safe in your own little bubble no matter what is going on in the outside world. No matter what our president is doing no matter what our children are doing you can reach that stage of peace and happiness. I read this article in the Huffington Post several months ago and it said the top ten things that people want that they struggle to get and happiness was at the top of the list. It brings to mind something that a friend Jerry Jampolsky said which is that if you expect to be free of the judgment of others stop judging others. Wise words. Stop judging others and stop judging yourself. Start judging yourself. Stop judging yourself. What is a life without judgment? Does that mean you're just mindless and you accept everything and you're passive and everything is la la la? It means that you observe it's okay to observe but you're not assigning it an emotion you're not assigning it that's good or that's bad there's no label attached it is what it is it's being present. There's a lot of resistance in our culture to that because the sense is if you don't resist if you don't judge if you don't have another who's wrong and you who are right you're not giving justice you're accepting the wrong and by not resisting you're giving permission you're giving justification you're giving validation to those people who are definitively wrong so I think Hawaii is a place where you get to watch shrinks and others involved in psychology talk about the joy the sorrow the pain and the bliss of being human there's a lot of friends and family therapists here in Honolulu my guests are psychologists clinical social workers and others who are interested in helping people be fully alive please join us into this most human journey in consciousness and loving kindness Aloha I'm Kaui Lucas host of Hawaii is my mainland here on Think Tech Hawaii every Friday afternoon weekend off with the show where I talk to people about issues pertinent to Hawaii you can see my previous shows at my blog kauilukas.com and also on Think Techs okay we're back with Wendy Baldwin here in Honolulu Life Coach Wendy while we were on the break we were chatting a little bit about judgment I was brought up to think that judgment is a good thing you have to hone your judgment you have to refine your sense of right and wrong you have to reward those people who are doing the right and you have to discourage or punish those who are doing wrong and you have to be judicious in your judgment but you need in order to be a critical thinker and in order to improve yourself and in order to improve your family your sons and daughters in order to improve the business that you work in in order to improve the world you have to look out politically, socially, culturally and you have to identify the good guys and the bad guys and advocate for the one and discourage the other what's wrong with that judge me there is some we do need certain times of judgment we need judgment to maintain order in the judicial system absolutely what I'm referring to with judgment is the energy behind the situation the energy behind what it is that you don't want that's where so much energy goes to that, that angry energy or that energy of I don't want this I don't want this if you can just dial that back you know what you don't want what do you want and put your energy towards that and that way you're taking your focus off of all that negativity because you already know what you don't want you don't have to keep reminding yourself of what you don't want just focus on what it is that you do want and that shifts all of the energy so yes I guess you can say there is a slight difference in judgment because yes we do need some sort of judgment as far as keeping everybody safe but that is different than the political type of judgment the religious type of judgment just looking at somebody who is a different color than you a different shape than you those are the kind of judgments that we don't need so am I dropping judgment of myself also it would be really nice if you stopped judging yourself and start loving yourself instead instead of you saying oh my goodness look at this I've got this it sometimes okay see here what would happen if you turned that around and come up with something that was really nice about yourself well I do make some good choices sometimes and I'm basically a nice person I try to be nice and be seen as nice is that better than I'm an idiot you tell me how does that feel when you call yourself an idiot definitely feels better physically it feels better speaking to other people with that sort of thought going in my mind like I'm really an idiot then it would make a big difference as to the impact that I made in my communications with others even if they didn't know how I was thinking and oh I know and if you don't sometimes you find yourself in a situation where you're talking to people that you think are idiots and you speak to them that way and lo and behold like idiots exactly because you're projecting what you feel they're feeling your energy and you're drawing that out of that person if you don't want that person to come across as an idiot send them positive thoughts like oh look at how nice they look today oh they look five years younger than the last time I saw them or are they so kind I remember this person did that and see what happens when you talk to the person from that perspective I guarantee you will find a different person on the other end guarantee but what if it's a rapist what if it's a murderer someone who is consciously choosing evil those are hard ones to swallow I will admit that if you can find it in your heart to say to send that person love as crazy as that sounds and just continue to send that person positive energy and not get sucked into that drama because when you get sucked into that and I understand if you're dealing with this personally that's a totally different challenge but in the news if you cannot allow yourself to get sucked into that energetically you're going to have a different experience but you know they're going to ignore you they're going to think you're a fool they're going to minimize you they're not going to pay any attention they're going to be changed by my love that I project to them they might not be changed by the love that you project but you will be changed because you will not be sucked into their negative energy so let's think about this in business terms because a business has a personality the same as a person and a family all social units have a personality they have a birth they have growth and they have their triumphs and challenges and the job of a manager of a business is to somehow align people towards common goals that ultimately are going to be profitable for the company and its shareholders and sometimes that goes off the rails as a matter of fact in a lot of businesses they spend more time off the rails than they do on the rails or wondering where the hell the rails are can you give some advice to a business manager who is sitting behind the camera too here as to how to create that sense of purpose among people who are not related they're not moms and dads they don't have to be together they're together for a defined social purpose and they have a whole mix of different motivations for being there but successful companies do find a way to create that alignment let's tell our manager in the camera first of all I would say assess your employee and find what it is that is positive about your employees or your employees and bring that out in them acknowledge them when was the last time that you actually went up to Susie in accounting and said hey you know you're doing a super job thank you gratitude is huge it's a huge vibration it's also a really wonderful tool for getting out of a stressful situation someone is making you upset you can use that second of all is look within look within yourself I had a wonderful conversation with someone the other day that whatever your reaction is it's going on in life it all comes back to yourself you can ask yourself how am I responding to this person what am I doing to support this person what is the best in them and you will be surprised at the changes when you look at the positive in somebody and also go in if you're willing to say on the deepest level what it is if it's a negative interaction with one of your employees what is being triggered inside of me and that is that is an area where secrets are held when you can go down to that deep level of what is being triggered I promise you it's a game changer and that is something that I love helping people to do going down to that deep level so what are the habits of successful people just in a very concrete way what are the habits in your life that help get your motor going and keep it going what are your one of the biggest game changers for me was establishing a morning routine and that can be as big or as small as you want it to be for me it starts with I am a bit of an airy person a bit of the ADD going on just getting my feet grounded and just I like to do a little bit more ritual as far as saying a little prayer setting the intention for the day and coming from a state of gratitude so a morning routine is very very empowering just get your mind set on the day that you're going to have a great day in gratitude another wonderful tool is to identify areas of stress and eliminate them stress is a wonderful conversation that really lights me up and be wonderful if we could ever sit and talk about that sometime but identify the stressors and be mindful of approaching those the best that you can and eliminating them the best that you can because all businesses have stress and being all stressed out is not solving the problem it's just adding to the problem isn't stress a good thing I mean you have to have something to struggle against you have to have something to overcome to get you to go the next level to exceed your limitations and there needs to be some stress you need to work up your metabolism you need to go to that point where you can't go any further what do you say about that that's a belief system something that you can check into stress can be very addicting and also that depends on would you rather have stress or would you rather have excitement those are two different things wouldn't you rather have excitement propel you to the next level because stress wears on your body wears on your adrenals I can vouch for that so which would you rather have excitement or stress I think I'd rather have excitement take a little stress in the middle that makes you great that's the 100 yard dash you have to have some stress in order to reach that peak velocity but then I guess the art of thinking smart is to be able to reach that peak stress and then to let it go at the end of the 100 yard dash you're in stillness again you absolutely have to let that go yes and one more tip that is so important that is overlooked by almost everybody you have to sleep you have to get your sleep if you are not a rested person it's hard to be successful and to manage your business be kind to other people be able to think fast on your feet be healthy what's your trick for getting to sleep I destress my life and so when I go to bed I put my head on my pillow and I go to sleep if I do happen to have some stressors I do have a couple little tools you have what's called your vagus nerves right here behind your ear on the bone if you're having any kind of stress or your brain is going crazy just press on that just look at the camera right here just press on that and I'll just help you just go seriously until you feel your body start to relax how hard are you pressing not very hard just like that just a light touch just to set the timer so if you get to the point where you're trying to go to sleep and you're thinking about counting sheep it's kind of too late you should have a stress free life through the entire day so that the end you can just surrender and let it go and it all is right that would be ideal and if it's not there are a lot of great tools out there that will help you to destress in the moment and even right before bedtime so speak to us as we come to the close here speak to us about a word that you mentioned a couple of times that has a lot of depths in it and that's the word gratitude what is gratitude gratitude that's a big word like judgment and gratitude gratitude just say the word and you just feel your heart open up and expand when you go into gratitude you can step into a state of peace and just Thanksgiving it really shifts everything can you be grateful for bad things? ah you can step into gratitude this is a technique that I learned and it's a game changer when there are bad things and you're stressed out even if you're stomping your feet screaming it just say thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you it's a high vibrational word which is going to get you out of that state of that despair and that anchor you can always say those words you can always say those first if you want to