 Stop doing this with narcissists. There is something that many of you do when you are around the narcissist and it is putting you at a disadvantage. It is creating an unfavourable circumstance that reduces your effectiveness. If you were to stop doing this one thing around the narcissist it would change everything. You would be a lot happier and healthier and it would save you a lot of time and energy. Before people discover this information they tend to do this a lot around the narcissist but even after they found this information they still continue to do it and yet they wonder why they are not effective. They wonder why they keep getting pulled under the bus. There is one thing that you must stop doing with narcissists. You must stop seeing them as real normal people. They are not real. They are figments of your imagination because all they do is play in the mind. You are never actually connecting to a real human being. It's all based on your imagination. It's only an imitation of your interest or ideals. Stop seeing narcissists as normal people. They are not normal. They do not conform to a standard. They don't do what is usual, typical or expected because they are not normal. They are damaged. They are not of sound mind. And yet you continue to see them as real normal people. You hold them to standards and expectations. You expect them to act in a natural and uninhibited way. When that is not something that you should expect from a narcissist because they are not normal. They are damaged. They were abused in their childhood. They were either overindulged or underindulged. And this harmed their character which then impaired their value, usefulness and normal function. Yet we still expect them to function normally when that is a very unrealistic expectation to have of them. But it is understandable because narcissists cover themselves with an image of value and usefulness. They want to make it seem like they are very able or competent in a particular area. They want to make it seem like they can provide something that is of some value or benefit to you. But it's not real. They play in the mind. They are manipulating you into believing something that is not true. You are not even connecting to a real person. You cannot connect to a narcissist because they are damaged. From a young age they were overindulged or underindulged materialistically or without compliments and praise. And this had an effect on them. It caused them to become more concerned with themselves rather than anyone else. Which is why the person that you see today is so self-absorbed and lacks empathy. They only care about themselves. They only care about their own feelings and needs. Because from a young age they were told that who they really are isn't good enough or that they need to be more. And that caused them to abandon who they really are. It caused them to create a false self. But this false self cannot be internally validated because it doesn't even exist. It isn't real. That's why they need external validation to prop up their false self. They need constant attention and admiration. They need compliments and praise. Because their true self is damaged. And everything else you see is just something that they have invented. It's just a concoction of whatever they deem to be desirable or attractive. But really it has nothing to do with who they are. It's fake. They're just doing it for attention. And it does not reflect upon any value or usefulness. It does not mean that they are able or competent in a particular area. It does not mean that they can provide something of value or benefit to you. You're dealing with a hollow shell. You see the shiny packaging. And that gives you high expectations for what might be inside. When the packaging is all there is to it. There is nothing beneath that. It has the external form of something. But it lacks the life inside it so it cannot perform its proper purpose. It extracts its vitality, vigor and energy from you. And that is how it creates the appearance of being something normal and real in the beginning. But once you begin to notice the cracks in that armour, it soon falls apart. Which is why the false self cannot remain around you for long periods of time. It's there to make an impact on you in the beginning. So that your imagination will then do the rest of the work. A narcissist really has nothing to give to you. Other than random puzzle pieces. Bits and pieces that they have seen from their past experiences. And you're the one who is putting all of the pieces together for them. You're the one that is creating this image in your mind. Of them being this attractive and desirable person. Which is based on their manipulation and everything that they have led you to believe. But you are also doing a lot of the work for them. You are supporting their grandiose fantasy. But that's all it really is. It's just an activity of imagining impossible things. And just the best you will ever get from a narcissist is an illusion. You're never going to get anything of value. Because there is nothing there. You're not connected to a real human being. It's a simulation. It's a reproduction of something else. And that is why you should stop expecting them to act in a natural and uninhibited way. Because what you are witnessing is not natural at all. It was built in a house of cards. No foundational structure. It may look like something valuable and desirable. But it's really just a mirage. It's an unrealistic hope and wish that can never be achieved. Narcissists are mentally ill. They are damaged people. So you should not expect appropriate behavior. You should not expect them to comply with a rule of standard. They were damaged a long time ago. And they tried to repair themselves. By taking pieces from whatever they found to be desirable or attractive. You're not dealing with someone who is whole and complete. You're dealing with a broken person. Someone who is very insecure. Someone who lacks the appropriate parts. And that is why they are unable to treat you appropriately. Stop doing this with narcissists. Stop doing this one thing when you are around them. It is not helping you. It is only distracting you from things that are important and useful. So stop seeing narcissists as real normal people. You're not going to get anything real or normal out of them. All you're going to get is love bombing and manipulation. Lies and illusions. They don't have anything else to offer you. But what gives it power is your belief. Your imagination. They need you to fuel their display of normality. But all you're really looking at is a reflection of yourself. You're just looking at a mirror of your own interests and ideals. Your own perceptions of behaviour. So stop seeing them as real. Stop seeing them as normal. If you damaged an appliance in your home. You wouldn't expect it to operate at the same standard as it did before. And it should be the same thing with a narcissist. They are damaged. So manage your expectations around them. You have to accept that they're not going to see things the way you do. They're not going to be able to understand. They're not going to be able to listen to you. Or give you the care and attention that you need. Because you're dealing with a damaged person. Someone who lacks the capacity to care about anyone but themselves. And they're never going to heal. Because they don't think there's anything wrong with them. They're always going to be this way. So take your focus off the narcissist. Instead of expecting more from them. Expect more from yourself. You may find yourself having to compensate for their deficiencies. But that's okay. Recognize your limits as well. Set boundaries wherever you need to. And just be grateful that you are real. Be grateful that you can function in a natural and uninhibited way. When you look at these narcissists. It should be no surprise that they're so angry and bitter. They've lost their soul. They've lost their connection to the divine. And that is why they're so worldly. That is why they're so focused on superficial things. Because it's all they have. But even that isn't real. They lack authenticity. It's just an imitation of something they thought was desirable or attractive. Which is why we find ourselves. Looking for the source of something. In a place where that source does not exist. And we wonder why we end up feeling miserable and disappointed. We wonder why we get angry or upset. When what we really need to do. Is identify that narcissists mirror us. They reflect back to us who we are and what we're about. So if you just turn your focus inwards. You will find the source. You will find what you've been looking for. And then you will finally feel complete. Because you have what they want. You are the source of everything. It's just that from a young age you were told to externalize it. You were told to see it in places where it doesn't even exist. Thank you for watching. I hope this video resonated with you. Please like, comment, share and subscribe. If you'd like to donate. My PayPal link is in the video description. Coaching inquiries. You can email me at Coaching at NARC Survivor, the CoDUK. Thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon.