 okay so this question is from a lady she's 41 years old and she said that she has been dating a married man for a while and she says he comes over all the time they go out they do that you know they have a relationship and then like if his wife calls he doesn't answer the phone he turns off his phone and she said this has been going on for a while and he doesn't want to be like on any social media he doesn't want to you know be known as a couple or whatever and she's like she looked him up she googled him I guess and she found out he was a pastor of a church who's married to you know his wife for a long time he says he can't leave his wife the church will look down or something like that he was ashamed and he just wants to leave things as they are he's like 66 years old so she's like what do I do do I leave him do I stay what do I do what do I do what would you do and what do you think about all this what should what should she do okay so if it were me okay first of all let me say that I know someone who the same thing happened to and the preacher ended up leaving his wife not divorcing but leaving and living with the other lady and the whole church knows about it and the other lady left I mean the wife left so legally he's still married to his wife but he's on you know he's with this other lady even though they're not legally married now she's like the first lady of the church and she let's just say that when when somebody wants something they usually get it okay when they want something bad enough if you want something more than the next person you're gonna get it okay because it's just a sheer willingness to get what you want in this world that makes you get it okay so my thing is if you're asking me what you should do if you want that man take them okay I'm not I'm not gonna sit here and be all high mighty and moral it's about who wants him more now if you want to continue the relationship as being the mistress and you know he's paying bills to okay yeah I forgot to tell you all that he's paying our bills okay if it were me I mean you're already 41 it's not like you're in the childbearing age range so you don't have to worry about that his kids are grown I don't know if you ever had kids but it's too late now unless you've frozen your eggs or you have really young eggs I don't know I don't know that situation but if you're not trying to have no kids or anything like that keep taking it and in the meantime look for somebody else who can replace him date you know when he's out with his wife you don't have to be exclusive to him you can get your bills paid and then still hang out with other guys and if one of them ever wants to take you seriously he needs to know that the torch has to be passed for paying your bills you be like you know what I'm being taken care of okay use him as your sugar daddy okay they look I'm being taken care of and like when it comes down to oh let's get me like if you're dating this other guy and he's like I want to move to the next step in our relationships like well I I need to be taken care of and you can hold that over their head because you're already taking care of you be like look I really like you blah blah blah but I'm old-fashioned I want my man to provide for me and take care of me can you do that and if he says no I can't do that I'm sorry but I love you like well that's nice we can still date but we're not gonna move out of this level of our relationship I'm not moving in with you blah blah blah until you can fully take care of me and so that'll be his choice to bounce or stay because you know that your preacher man is providing for you they said the Lord will provide okay so what I'm saying is don't throw him away he's paying your bills okay that's what you that's what most women are sitting here trying to get okay let let him pay your bills you can date while he's at church while he's with his wife while he's with his congregation you can be dating as well okay and I mean shoot you're 41 enjoy your life you can get a younger man and say hey I got I got an old man who pays my bills y'all I mean you know it's an arrangement I get to live rent free blah blah blah blah we can hang out we can do this okay if you're dating a younger guy if you're gonna go for somebody serious like you want a serious relationship with they're gonna have to come correct in order to take you out of that situation and put you in a better one or at least something equal to it okay and let me tell you that preacher man is not gonna divorce his wife because his congregation will look down on him his funds will stop coming in he'll be asked to step down so he can't do that that's his income that's his source okay he might be all high and mighty and holy but we all know that churches are some of the most cricket places in the world and the people there are no different from the people that are sitting in the pews so let's not judge people because I don't judge people I know people are gonna do what they want to do anyway so he's probably not gonna leave his wife she's probably oh I mean he's 66 he probably about to die soon okay so I'm sorry I'm not laughing but it's true okay like how much longer does he have left to live is his diet healthy I mean I don't know so and if y'all you know 66 is kind of young because you know modern medicine will keep you alive a lot longer so yeah he might he might live a while but you if you're going to be with him long term you need to get some documents in place you need to get some you know some money saved you need to do this you need to do that and he needs to look out for you because you know his wife's gonna get everything when he dies so we need to start you a little savings plan or something you know to stash away in case he falls off and you got some bills to pay okay and start thinking about that I don't know if you have a job or not if you do have a job that's good because you can save your own money and just let him pay all your bills okay so if you want to get married you're 41 so you're gonna have to marry someone who's already had kids who've been probably in a relationship or divorced and just want a partner to spend out the rest of their days with so you have time and you have the luxury to actually look for that in other men without having to worry about your bills expenses and blah blah blah blah you can you're free to be very picky at this point I would say now I know this is not the advice people would say is good moral advice but you have to remember who made up those morals okay it is good advice that works it is good advice that will lead you to your happiness in the end it's good advice where you don't have to work in slave hard because you have a man to pay your bills and you have time to date other men who are not married because like I said if you're dating a married man that means he's in an open relationship you're in an open relationship and you are free to do what you want until his divorce papers are signed and he has a ring on your finger okay he don't have to know about it you can keep it a secret I'm going to my sister's house I'm going to my mom's house I'm going to the hospital I'm going here I'm going there he don't have to know where you are at all time no he is not God okay so let's just say you have a golden opportunity if you take advantage of it in the correct way if it were me this is what I would be doing I'll be taking that money dating interviewing men for his position who can take over the bill pay because I have the luxury to be picking down I have the luxury to date men who say they're all that and I have the luxury of finding that out you know so and a good way to transition is like okay the man that you're dating says okay I want to take this to the next level you let's move in together and you tell him oh I need my bills paid he says okay I'll I got it then you can politely dump your married man and say look I found somebody who's single and can take care of me by peace thanks thanks thank the Lord praise Jesus and you can say bye and voila you got what you want it now if no one ever is able to take his place you still got your bills paid you can still date you can still afford to be picky and if he looks like he's getting close to death and about to you know go to the other side you need to secure a way to have income if you don't have a job and you need to realize that you know you might have to compromise a little bit with the type of men that you're going to be with later on I don't know you know what what's your type but you're gonna have a higher expectations because you've already been taken care of so that's a good thing so anyway thank you so much for that question it was a very interesting and very cool to get to cover because I have seen this happen it happens a lot so it's not a big deal like I said don't judge okay I'll see y'all later bye