 Let's talk about those three clear signs he doesn't like or even want to be with you anymore. You know, let's face it, it can really suck when you invest time with someone to only have them decide that they don't want to be with you. I can wear on us our hearts emotionally and it can be very frustrating. So, and whether you're a man or a woman, this happens to both genders. This isn't singular to men, what I'm about to share today because women do the same things as well. This can be very frustrating. I think one of the differences though with men is they oftentimes don't talk about serious relationships in the early phases of dating because A, they don't want to make a promise they can't keep. I'm gonna repeat that, they don't want to make a promise they can't keep or they have no real plan of how to make a relationship work. They have really no desire to be in a fully committed relationship. And this can be very confusing because dating today is more about connecting with people and a lack of intentionality. I'm gonna repeat that, connecting with people and yet a lack of intentionality. What I mean by intentionality and I've been thinking about this quite a bit lately, now I've never been a big fan of the term courting used today because courting in the past was, I said I wasn't a fan, I just wanted you to know I'm gonna be switching my tune here in a moment. Courting in the past represented some intentionality. A boy liked a girl, a man liked a woman and there was true intention to pursue a long-term relationship with this person most likely to get married. Now the challenge with the past was courting was really based on the notion of two people wanting to get laid, they had to get married. So you had to be relatively intentional. In fact, you had to make practically the ultimate commitment just to get laid. Now I know that sounds kind of crass to get laid but the reality is that's the way it used to be. What I do appreciate about courting was the intentionality and today dating lacks intentionality. What I mean by intentionality is what are your intentions? Why are we doing this? Why are we spending time getting to know each other? And quite frankly, most people don't know the why. I think it's sadly from a male perspective is because men tend to operate. I'll believe it when I see it. I'll believe it when I see it. I'll believe it when I see it. So in other words, they don't really know what they want. They just think if they see it, then they'll know what they want. I think women operate this way as well a little bit but from the most part, I'm gonna give you a different narrative to chew on for a second. How about when I believe it, I will see it? When I believe it, I will see it. When I believe it, I'll see it. And what I mean to say is when there is intentionality, when you do know you want a fully committed relationship, it's easier to sift through the needles in the haystack. And this is one of the challenges with dating today is that there's a lack of intentionality and there really isn't any courting. Now, part of the problem is this, and ladies, I know you, I'm sorry to say this in the way I'm saying this because this may come across as I'm being harsh, but many of you operate from a fantasy perspective or relationships and many of you are operating from an entitled princess energy expectation or relationships or worse, many of you are operating from the premise that the men are the leaders of the relationship so you give your power away to a man. And I'm here to say you're in charge of your relationship, Destiny. This is not, dating is not an entitled privilege where men just take you out and whine and dine you and romance you and they're doing all the heavy lifting and you have no participation other than just showing up in your feminine energy because that's all you need to do is showing up in your feminine. That rhetoric is garbage. I'm sorry, it's garbage. If you really want to build partnership with someone that it requires making mutual effort, I always talk about looking at us like two cars driving down the street at the same speed instead of one car towing the other as an expectation. I'm talking about the beginning states of dating. And another thing is many of you women don't do a really good job of pre-qualifying your prospects because you're giving the job to the man to be the leader of the relationship. And let me tell you, I recently had a conversation with a woman who has gone on, I believe, nine or 10 dates with a man. After about the fourth or fifth time together they had sex together and all their additional dates were really just hooking up and having sex. And then she finally had a conversation is what are you looking for in the terms of a relationship? And he goes, I'm just looking for something casual. I'm not looking for anything serious. She waited till 10 dates. I mean, she waited till she got fully invested with the guy to finally find out where he stands in this process. That's not hit. And then she goes on to tell me how he loved Bomber and he did all this. No, she was, the being passive is not an excuse to blame the men for their behavior. And let me just say this, ladies, if you go on any men's forums and read the complaints they have about women, I mean, it is exhausting listening to men and women vomit their complaints over the opposite sex. And it's just riddled with victim consciousness. This is why I don't validate bad behavior unconscious behavior or passive behavior. Let me repeat that. I don't validate bad behavior, unconscious behavior or passive behavior. And when you're expecting the man to lead the process, then you're being a passive participant, okay? I'm yelling only because I'm trying to get this across in such a way that maybe it shakes a few of you up to look at this process from a different perspective because the last thing I want you to experience is a man not liking you or not even wanting to be with you. And so one of the challenges is, is most men and women don't understand the mechanics of a relationship because they hyper focus on chemistry as the indicator of relationship success. And if you're not familiar with my relationship, Iceberg, I'm gonna put it up on the screen. This is an iceberg. You can see above the water line is the word attraction. And you can see the tip of the iceberg is chemistry. But do you see below the water line, it says compatibility, shared values, blendable lifestyles and more importantly, emotional maturity. You cannot figure out if a person is emotionally mature on one, two or three dates. This is why ladies, I continually recommend if, and it's mostly because women bond with men through sex. The minute you have sex with a guy, you'll have feelings for them. So if you wanna shift that narrative right from the get go, then it starts by asking better questions. And if you know my rhetoric, you know before the penis goes inside the vagina, you should be purchasing two copies of the book, eight dates by doctors John and Julie Gottman. This book is filled with great questions to ask one another to determine if you're a fit with one another. I wanna share with you a personal story really quickly because this happened a little while ago where I swiped someone on a dating app and we connected with each other. And when we got on the phone, we had the same, like we were into the same books, we were into the same spirituality, personal development. I said, hey, can I ask you some more questions to see if we're on the same page because I was very upfront. I'm looking for a serious, fully committed relationship that leads to moving in together or getting married. That's what I'm looking for. So can I ask you some questions to see if we're a fit? And she said, sure. And we ended up going back and forth. You know, I asked her some questions. She asked me some questions. Next thing you know, it was a three hour conversation. And for the most part, except for a couple of yellow flags, I was very interested in meeting this person. Well, guess what happened next? We planned a date for a week later and I sent her a text message the following morning saying, hey, I really enjoyed our chat. She wrote me back, said the same thing. And guess what she did 20 minutes later? She texted me, can you talk on the phone? I said, sure. And we got on the phone and she said, Jonathan, I think you're a really great guy and I'm so, I really respect that you know what you want. You're very clear with what you want. And I realized after our conversation last night, I'm actually not ready for a relationship. I'm going through getting my masters right now. I'm doing double duty at work. I've got a lot of activity going on. And given what you shared, you're looking for a relationship. I don't think I can fit into that type of lifestyle. And quite frankly, I don't think I'm ready for that much emotional responsibility in a relationship. And while I was a little taken aback, I was so grateful. Actually, it's interesting. My intuition knew this when I was asking these questions because I've been doing this for a living for so long. By the way, if you need some help asking questions, schedule a free, check out the link below to schedule a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. Because while I was a little bit disappointed, I am so grateful because I dodged a bullet. Had I not been upfront and just simply had one of those five minute phone calls scheduled to date, I would have met her. There might have been some attraction. We would have started dating, only to find that she would have pulled away because she clearly isn't ready. And that's what I'm inviting you to do. Now, some might say, oh, I overwhelmed her. Folks, if being my inquisitive, curious, open-hearted, vulnerable, authentic, transparent self is overwhelming for someone. And what I'm saying is, you being your vulnerable, authentic, transparent self is a turnoff for someone. It's only turnoff for the wrong guy. Just like when I wrote my book, what the heck is self love anyway? What the heck is self love anyway? Chapter one, speak your truth. Do it with kindness. I was very kind and loving in the way I was communicating. And it wasn't an interrogation, it was a friendly conversation. Because chapter nine in my book is it says, if it's sincere and from the heart, you can't say the wrong thing to the right person. By the way, there's a link below to get a copy of my book. And quite frankly, she was very authentic to tell me that she had some serious childhood trauma that she was working through that made her very fearful of a relationship as well. And she said that earlier in the conversation. So I kind of picked up on that sense of fear she was feeling. And by the way, people's past experiences in relationship, the way they've dated in the past gives you a lot of clues of how they're gonna operate from the future. And many of you ladies listen to someone share their past thinking, well, I'm not their past. So I can't be their future. So I'm not gonna be as bad as someone they've had in the past. But they're queuing it up for telling, if they've had dysfunctionality in their past dating experiences or relationships, then the question is, how did they heal from that? How did they improve upon themselves? It's time not to be passive anymore because here's what happens. You start dating someone, you have sex and then the man starts to back away. Now part of the reason why this happens is the reason why it's called chemistry is brain chemicals being released, chemicals being released into our brain makes us feel like there's dopamine, there's testosterone, there's estrogen, there's oxytocin, makes us feel like we're in love with someone. And that lust bug can be intense. And the more intense the chemistry, the more we wanna have sex with you. So what happens is the minute we satisfy that sexual experience, all the chemicals are gone. They literally disappear. And if they haven't, if you haven't established the deep roots of trust and you haven't spent about a hundred hours of face-to-face time, then there's a good chance that he might do this dysfunctional moonwalk that I'm sharing with you today, these three clear signs that he's not, he doesn't like you. And it's not that he doesn't like you, it's that he's completely unaware that when the chemistry dissipates he doesn't understand why he doesn't like you anymore. And what a lot of men do is they get, internally they get so freaked out that the reason why they go disappear, go silent is because they don't understand why they don't like you anymore. And it's not intentional and it's not malicious and sadly many of you ladies are suckling on the nipple of victim consciousness. He took advantage of me, he was using me, he was love bombing me. All of that is victim consciousness and all that's gonna do is perpetuate this problem over and over and over again. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. All right, so what are those three clear signs that he doesn't like you or he's gonna pull away? Or he's not in you anymore? Again, this is usually for those that have had sex maybe once or twice. Not in a more seasoned relationship, something that's been going on for six months to a year. Usually when men pull away is that there is some friction in your relationship that exists, some incompatibility, lack of shared values, maybe a lack of emotional maturity between the two of you and people are these days it's easier to run away than to work through problems. I'm gonna repeat that's easier to run away than to work through problems. So let me put on my trusty glasses, put up my notes, the three clear signs and again, this is what I also call the dysfunctional moonwalk. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, dysfunctional moonwalk. Number one, his communication between your dates becomes random, scattered or aloof. I'm gonna repeat that the communication in between becomes scattered, random or aloof. Now the minute you start to sense this you know something is up, you can feel it in your bones, your intuition is telling you something and sadly a lot of women go, what did I do wrong? What did I do wrong? What did I do wrong? Well, the only thing you really did wrong is you didn't ask better questions in the beginning, we'll get to that in a second. Number two, he starts to complain about his life circumstances. He starts to complain about his life circumstances. That's setting you up for the breakup, he starts complaining about his work, he starts to complain about his family, he starts to complain about maybe his children, maybe his health, he's setting it up, he sets up the chaos to give himself a reason to break up with you saying, it's the chaos going on in my life, okay? Now that chaos might've been there right from the get go, this is why it requires asking better questions right from the beginning, rather than being passively waiting because the man is supposed to claim me as I'm sitting in my feminine. By the way, I crack myself up. And lastly, number three, he prefers to spend time with his friends, his family or work versus making time for you. And you know, when you start to feel the first and the second one, the first and the second one, you know something is up. And that's time to have a serious conversation. And sometimes, listen, you can lean back in your feminine praying that he'll come claim you because you have this idea that space creates missing. Listen, space doesn't create missing someone, all it does is create anxiety. And oftentimes when someone comes back after you've had space with each other, it's for the wrong reasons. True relationships are built on appreciation for one another, true appreciation and gratitude for one another. True, a relation, think about this. The bottom line about a relationship is trust. Trusting that this person has my best interest at hearts. Think about that. This person has my best interest at hearts. Just as if you have their best interest in hearts, they should have your best interest in hearts. That's when you should really decide to bond with someone. Now, I know it's really tricky because the dating process these days is we're meeting total strangers. We're meeting total strangers. We don't know their family. We don't know their friends. Unlike the past, there isn't this stability that existed in the past, which makes it difficult to really get to know someone. This is why if you're not familiar with the book, Talking to Strangers by Malcolm Gladwell, I highly recommend checking this out because folks, when you're meeting a stranger and you don't know anything about them, it requires even more and more due diligence. But Jonathan, if I ask questions, he's gonna get turned off. Yes, he's gonna get overwhelmed and turned off. The wrong guy gets overwhelmed and turned off. If a guy is remotely physically attracted to you other than just wanting to fuck you, then he's gonna want to invest in you. Remember I talked before about the book Eight Dates? I gotta tell you, I'm getting email after email from women telling me, sharing with me, that they purchased this book. They're reading it with the guy they're dating and it is building deeper intimacy between the two of them. Did you hear that deeper intimacy? Into me you see. This is what's lacking. That intentionality to actually want to get to know someone at a heart-centered level instead of this level. I'm sorry, that was crass, but I mean, it's time to get real here. And ladies, this whole notion that men love bomb? Yes, when we're horny, we wanna fuck and we'll say whatever it takes to make that happen. You don't need to put a term there. You already know this about men. This is why there's an old saying, men are the gas and women are the brakes. It's your job to set the pace of the relationship and not leave it up to the guy because you are in charge of your relationship destiny and yet sadly many of you are suckling on the nipple of I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. I need you to love me to feel good about myself. And I'm here to suggest a new book I invite you all to check out is Grounded Spirituality by Jeff Brown. And by the way, purchase the book and buy the audio and read it and listen to it at the same time because it's time to shore up that part of you that doesn't give your power away to a man. When I wrote my book, What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway, it's a journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work. So you can actually operate from your best self, from your best self. If you're not familiar with the book, the four agreements, the four agreements, this is all about operating at your best self because when you operate at your best self, then you'll be able to weed out the wrong guys so much quicker, so much quicker because your intuition will be firing. And again, if you need some support with that, check out the link to a discovery call with me because my area of expertise is teaching you how to ask the right questions, right from the get go based on your personality and that's what I help you work on. So you can pre-qualify your prospects so you don't invest in the guy who's going to make time for his friends, his family, his work over you, the guy who's going to complain about his life instead of invite you into his life. And what was the other one? The guy that's just going to stop communicating because the guy who wants to be in a relationship with you can't wait to tell you how his day is and he wants to hear about your day as well. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating finesse? Give me an A and N. All right, I think that covers the three clear signs he doesn't like you or even want you. Again, I'm sorry to say it, but this is the reality as I see it. Hey everyone, I think this will be a good place to wrap up for today. I hope you found value in the three clear signs he doesn't like you or even want you. Number one, his communication between dates is random, scattered or aloof. Number two, he starts to complain about his life circumstances because he's setting up the breakup. And lastly, he prefers spending time with his friends, family or work versus making time for you. Hope you got value out of this. Please share this with your friends. If you'd like to talk to me, schedule a discovery call to see if working with a coach is right for you. Find me on Instagram, my podcast, get my free gift and you can join my, if you want to, if you can't afford coaching, join my group called Midlife Love Mastery. All right, I think this will be a great place to wrap up today. First off, I'm gonna give myself a big, gigantic, Jonathan Barrett of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear, a pillow and give inner them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I wanna thank Jennifer Glenn.