 Thank you for joining me as I sit down with Pastor David and Marie Rosales from Calvary Chapel, Chino Valley, as we discuss marriage, raising children and managing difficulties that arise in the family. We're ready to begin so let's talk marriage. Like my wife and I will do is before we will go grocery shopping or before we write a check to anything, we want to make sure we have tithed first as a like a first fruit thing rather than shop, okay I think payer bills and then tithe. Yes. Well then we're gonna then we're gonna start compromising. It's like well we really need it this time you know we've come up a little short for us. I believe that there is more faith in the Lord when you give first. Is that a common practice that should be at least considered? I think that's a good thing to do John. Do you have something? Oh yes I agree. Yeah that's a good thing to do. It's teaching you to budget. It's teaching you like I said earlier it's teaching you to live on 90 cents rather than 100. Yeah and that's how that's how I'm marine. That's how I'm marine I live. It's I live off of what has been given to me as a steward. The first thing that was interested to me was 100 pennies but that comes from the Lord. So to the Lord I give back first and then the 90 percent is left up to me to steward and so that will include everything. That'll include what life requires in every way whether whether we have a piece of meat this week or whether we eat something of less you know maybe maybe something like it some chicken or some some weenie and eggs. Well that's a typical Mexican breakfast bro. That's our sausage. He's talking about that Oscar Meyer and some Welles right. That's good stuff. I grew up with that I think a lot of Mexican kids do you know. Yeah. No it's but you know that I mean you do know that I mean I've been blessed by the Lord because I've had opportunity I'm 70 years old man I've had an opportunity to to be used by God in a lot of places in a lot of countries and Marie too has had the joint privilege the blessing of traveling you know so we have been to places that others see on postcards you know I have seen the Taj Mahal we have seen the Eiffel Tower you know we have seen the Tower of London we've been to the wall in Jerusalem we've traveled the world and and I am sometimes we pinch ourselves sometimes we will we really will I say baby did you ever think and I was talking to Randy Walls from Calvary upland the other day and I was saying you know Randy you remember we were at at Lake Arrowhead we were standing by by some little it's like a little wall he and I he remembers remember and how I looked at you and I said you who would have ever thought that we were going to get coffee at Lake Arrowhead because that's kind of that was as far as my horizon went I mean my dad was in the navy and he traveled the world and he always had this wanderlust he really always wanted mama didn't but daddy wanted to go traveling I was raised with a wanderlust like I'd love to see Madrid I would love to see you name it you know I would love to go to Tokyo but I can never do that I can never go to Hawaii I mean I can never do that and and I just was very comfortable with that because you know what my dad was a simple man and you go to Big Bear for three days in a cabin and you're that's your vacation and guess what we were happy we didn't know anything less and it was okay then one day God opens the door and and and I'm taking places and someone says may I buy you a meal and they buy me something called filet I've never I had heard of it but didn't know what I did not know what filet is somebody bought it and said would you like that but you know what Marine I can say this is true you know we've had opportunities we've been blessed and I'm grateful for those blessings but if you ask my wife what my favorite meal is it's not filet you know it's when she makes me some some giso it's when she cuts up some some potatoes and some bell pepper and hamburger meat and and onion and just just cooks it up for me gets me some beans a couple tortillas and some salsa I'm in heaven you know so that to me is a good thing because we've had opportunities to taste but we don't have a drive to and that's I got that from my dad I got that and she got that from her family I think that the simple is the best we always have so we don't have these cravings for things we don't we just don't John because I'm content thank you Jesus I'm content I'm content I'm content and so money can't buy happiness and like those four prophets the Beatles said money can't buy me love that's right would you say it would you both say that one of the common mistakes in finances in the marriage is not tithing I believe so absolutely selfishness too I mean it says oftentimes say it lady say it and selfishness yeah because they want to keep it to themselves yeah it's selfish you're not trusting the Lord God God says that he will provide and yet you don't think he will now how can I preach a message others that I don't believe myself how can I really how can I be effective if I know in the back of my mind that I don't trust him for these things how can I I really could not do that in good conscience you have to practice what you preach so yes I believe that people make a huge mistake if they don't give to the Lord now I don't think that each person has to give quote unquote 10 percent because there's a proportionate giving you know a millionaire will say somebody who's making will say ten thousand dollars a week just for a number and and he gives his 10 percent on that so he's making ten thousand he gives a thousand dollar a week right but he's got nine thousand dollars to live on that week then you have a guy like my dad who drove a truck and you know he made a few hundred dollars at that time because daddy retired a long time ago so we'll say my dad's making a thousand just for today's figures maybe I don't even know what what what the going rate for a truck driver is now with my dad's experience but so we'll say a thousand daddy gives a hundred dollars my dad was a tither he gives a hundred dollars out of his thousand that hundred dollars proportionately is a lot more than that thousand the other guy gave and so if you look only at the numbers you're thinking man that guy is generous when in fact no my dad gave up more of his life in his hundred than that guy gave in his thousand so you give proportionately you know because a man who's making ten thousand and we could probably afford to give more than that probably maybe not probably could and so we learned that a long time ago and so I think you're you're missing out on some real good life lessons when money becomes so important to you that you don't want to give any of it away to anybody start yeah when you hold on like that impacts the marriage right I mean it impacts intimacy it impacts a lot of it impacts your children the most yes the wife and you are probably in agreement but the kids are watching and the kids see that daddy has his new whatever our mama's got her new whatever and they see they're not generous to god and so they grow up not generous to god so generosity is something you learn it's something from example and uh I think that yes I think it's a big mistake when a father is complaining about not having enough or when he says to the kids how are we I really would have liked to but I can't because I don't have I think you're making a mistake I love Marie's attitude I really do she's the one who says look what god gave to us you know and and and though she'd know that sometimes when we were not doing very well that I felt like a failure like I wasn't given to the kids what I needed to she knew that but she never made them think that I was the one who thought I wish I could I can't I wish I could and my children still remember and and the older ones think that we were poor because I said I just can't afford that kid so I made a mistake in the way I communicated instead of saying oh that'd be great but guess what we can do and like Marie is that's how she does it you know that yeah that'd be fun sometime but you know what we can do right now that's Marie and she was the one who helped the children where I was the failure in my own heart until God started teaching me lessons about otherwise you know um so yeah an attitude of gratitude they used to say yeah and of faith and learning I don't I really don't need that you have to know the difference between wants and actual needs so we we came to that place so my son David see I I'm an empty Marie and our empty nesters now John we don't have to spend as much of our income on food and clothing for the children so that leaves us with what is called discretionary cash so we have extra you know but my son David said to me well back now dad he said if you wanted now you could have any car you want because he knows I like cars I'm a car guy and in terms of admiration that's a beautiful car so he says to me dad you can he did it he said it more than once you could have any car you want dad and I say I have the car I want son you know I have the car but dad you could I know honey I know what I could afford but I have what I want because my wants are more important in terms of satisfaction than what I wish I had or I even could afford because if I went out and and spent money on on a nice car and all of that because I do like I said I do like classic cars I do like certain cars that I think are works of art the way some people like to look at paintings I admire a beautiful a beautiful design in an automobile that's my artwork my kids know that but why would I I've told them why would I go on purchase something that makes me nervous to even drive why would I do that you park a mile away from it right I don't want to be that guy who parks and puts carts around the car to make sure somebody I don't want to be that guy so I I drive what I'm comfortable with I Marie's always trying to get me to buy shoes and things because I I I'm satisfied wearing shoes until they wear out I'm just that guy Marie's the one who wants daddy she'll say you need to get a pair of shoes you know every once in a while I do get them or she'll come on Christmas on my birthday and I get a new pair of shoes and then I just put it in my room and I don't wear you know that's just me I think we talked about that my wife tried to throw out an old sweatshirt and I dug it out and kept it you know it's my favorite sweatshirt you know it's a sweatshirt I would like to do it fits you as long as it fits it's good right I look like but it's would you would you both say that then tithing and not saying this is not presumptuously but that tithing has direct correlation with faith obviously but happiness and joy in the marriage yes yes because what does it do for a couple when a couple says lord this is yours first well you're acting together in faith you're in agreement in faith you're on the same page with the lord and that brings unity of heart and and and when god blesses you in a surprising way you both rejoice over that you know you both say look what god did which we've done more than once look what he did look what he did he provided for us you know god has a way of caring for John let me share a little story with you I just can't it just came to mind I mentioned that Murray and I uh had we you know we got married we didn't have we didn't go on vacations you know and when we did they were overnighters we would take the children we'd get them up at like what three or four in the morning put them in the back seat of the car wrap them up in blankets and we'd drive overnight to wherever it was we're going to go because it saved us one night of hotel you know so we would do that and then we'd come home the same way the babies would be asleep in the back wrapped up and secure and safe and all of that so uh Murray had been to uh Hawaii once when she was a younger young lady I had never been and in my in my life that was the one place at this time that I really wished I could go but now you know I've got small children I can't afford to go and Hawaii to fly over there get a hotel I I can't I can't do that but we had a couple in our church who loved us at that time and one day they came up to us and they said to us um hey we want to give you a gift we want you to go with us some place they were dear to us and and I said oh really and where is that we want to take you to Hawaii and I said because I'd always wanted to go to Hawaii and I said well we talked about it can we I don't like to receive gifts from people I don't you may know I don't like to receive gifts from people and so I said can we what do you think baby because my suspicious nature has to be overridden by Murray's simple living faith sometimes because I'm the person who protects myself from hurt if I can what do you think baby she says no we love these they love us so we received their gift and so they actually the way we went to Hawaii the very first time was a couple in our church at that time who just out of the goodness of their heart paid for us to fly to Honolulu I think was Honolulu Honolulu and we got they put us in a little kind of condo timeshare kind of thing and that's how God that's how God is taking care of us you know and uh we didn't ask for it I didn't I didn't ever stand up in front of the church saying I wish this is another story um back in 1983 my Anna was just a few months old and um I had an opportunity to go to Israel I I believe that every pastor if you can should go at least once and so I had a small fellowship and I said to to the church I said you know what I'm going to go to Israel uh it cost at that time a thousand fifty dollars yeah that was in fifty dollars we got a a pastor's it was a pastor's group my my pastor Chuck asked us to go with him so I said um to memory I said I'm I I think I had to go she said you have an opportunity she doesn't hold me back from what the Lord gives me opportunity to do she said you want to go so I was talking to a Wednesday night Bible study again our church was fairly new and we only had 60 people in my midweek and I and I just honestly because I've always been honest with my church they they actually weren't judgmental today's church is a bit different the earlier church loved me and I knew they did so I could speak to them that way in an honest way I said you know I I really feel I want you guys to know I'm going to go to Israel I was given an opportunity I said but and I I was just being real I said but you know the only time I've been away from Marie is when she's given birth to our babies she's always I'm always with her she's always with me I said to be honest with the the idea of being away from her I just but I really feel that I should go John is God is my witness was it two weeks later or so somebody walks up to me and hands me an envelope and says this to me they said I want you to know that that little group of people put together an offering and we're paying Marie's way to go and they gave us $200 spending money you know and God is always always taking care of us John he always has and our people were touched by his spirit to love us enough to send my girl and Anna she was three months old three months old her first time to Israel so would you say that we can't afford not to tithe I really believe and that that's a phrase we use isn't it you really can't afford not to give I really I think when you clarify what that means I think that you learn some tremendous lessons of the way God supplies all my need according to his riches in Christ you learn those things my God is able to supply I know he is able because if I did not trust him to supply the needs of my small family which were very small how could I trust him to supply the needs for this fellowship today how could I because people don't realize how much money a church like ours pays just for rent you know how much do we pay on how much do we pay per month on on a monthly payment for 13 acres and a hundred thousand square feet of building how much do we pay for 50 staff members how much they don't realize that and I've told the churches you have a house payment so do I but I also have a church payment I also have a church payment and insurance payments and all the other things so if I didn't believe that the Lord took care of us in the small things how could I trust him to take care of us in the larger and so he has and I brag on my God he is able and John you've known me a long time in real long time you've never seen me beg you've never seen me complain out there or whine or cry I don't do that you know why you know sometimes I feel I need to say people it be important for you to give because we do have payments in the midst of all of these things payments don't stop right but my God has always touched the hearts of people and they're generous beyond their tithe they're generous in their offering in their gifts and all and so yes you're you're you're losing out the opportunity of seeing God show himself to be the provider the God who the God who sees the God will provide you're you're you're losing out on the opportunity to see him like that and also blessing the marriage in a sense that we just think just hearing from your guys his experiences the blessings praising the Lord together because he provided that unity together praising the Lord I mean that's bringing glory and honor to his name because you both are experiencing the power and faithfulness of our Lord together yes he's providing for us yes he always does you know again Marie and I have a common purse all the blessings that come come to us they come to us if she's blessed in a way it's a blessing to me if I'm blessed in a way it's a blessing to her and that's how it works you know we're talking as you're talking about uh it's it's a common purse one of the things I've written down here is combine it because since there is a union between husband and wife I believe that it's essential that couples combine accounts and all their financial items I think there's a danger and it's difficult to function financially and as one when things are separate accounts are separate what is it that you would say to those or maybe we can use it on a personal personal application is it better to combine it's for us versus that's yours I make the money I'm the money winner I do what I want what I want I earn it so I spend it and and there's this kind of this just separate accounts type of mentality you know some people do very well on separate accounts when it comes to things like what we used to call an allowance you know why honey I'm going to have X amount of dollars this week so I can buy some coffee for myself and I'm on the job or you know maybe buy lunch once every couple days or what are you know that's an agreement made between two people so so if I said honey you know let's put out some because I'm going to do this she'd go that's fine you know or if she was to do that and I think there are some people who do that I think where you run into danger is when you begin to say I worked for this that's my money and then that attitude of I'm letting you in on some of what I've done but I'm making more than you therefore I should really have the priority and the expenditures that and there are some who do that and then there are others who hide things that they're buying and don't even tell their husband or their wife you know and and that that's where real problems come into the church and so or rather the house and so for Marie and me yeah we use the concept of a common person's hours but we also talk about what we spend you know there's communication in that like because Marie can tell you this you know again I just we have savings we make sure that that that rainy day fund does exist for us and so we'll be together and perhaps she'll see something she would like to have I know that we can afford it you know and it wouldn't be irresponsible for me to buy something that I shouldn't so if I see that she likes something because I know where our finances are by and large and she's oh those are so nice I will say to her maybe if you want that I know you can you can have it if you want it and I leave that in her in her court so if she says no I really don't I just think it's pretty then I say that's fine but she has that freedom because I know our general funds I know what we can and cannot spend or if I'm walking and I say I like that she'll say you know honey you can get it and so that leaves it in my in my decision it leaves it with me and I I really don't need that you can have it if you want it you know you could no I don't need that or I'll say you know you're right I'd like to have another shirt you know be good I can wear it on Sunday or Wednesday or whatever that's kind of how we do it so it's full disclosure it's an amount that we're making and and say Marie because Marie provided the income for us in the early days because I again I didn't make anything and she was working in supplying I never felt that I'm not a man you know I can't now I knew it was a season in our marriage and and that one day the Lord was going to bless me enough to be able to care for my family the way I felt I should and he did so I've never had that in my mind it just has never been part of us where I would worry but the key is going to be responsibility being responsible in your spending and communication about it you need to be in agreement it's a person who goes out and buys himself a pair of shoes and then kind of hides it somewhere in the closet and only wears it at certain times that this person doesn't even know and then three months later that person says oh those shoes oh these are old I've had them for months you know that kind of thing right because eventually that comes out and then there's your problem look baby you knew that we didn't have the money for that how come and that's when the the the arguments come and that's where the well I'm tired of wearing the same shoes that kind of argument and that really ties into when we're talking about say in financial intimacy because in intimacy in a marriage whether it's like we mentioned physical emotional spiritual there's a we involved instead of an I and when there when there's communication when there is openness and there is just a uh an expectation to share because in intimacy in any level we speak about it's not about me it's about us and and you can see that even in the finances it doesn't matter who earns it because I know some couples think that well since you know whoever earns the money it dictates how it's spent and now it's become an I instead of a we you know that's dangerous then that carries over into the marriage itself I think that that's actually reflection of the marriage itself I don't think it's carrying over at all I think it is what it is it's just an exposing that because you didn't have you didn't have an agreement you didn't realize some basic things yeah money money is uh the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil you know and money separates even the chiefest of friends and and that can include husband and wife and so we have to be very careful realizing that it's a tool it's something that can be used but it's got to be responsibly used and it has to be monitored and it has to be uh there has to be an awareness that everything that's in my hand has been given to me by God so I have responsibilities to him first because he says in the book of Deuteronomy chapter I think it's chapter five that he gives us chapter eight he gives us power to become rich he says it there not as if we're all going to be rich quote unquote but the point he's making is he's saying I don't want you to get to the point where you say I I tamed all of this on my own strength by my own wisdom and abilities you need to remember I'm the one who gives you the ability to have that and so you know if uh what's Bezos the richest man in the world hey if you're listening right now 10% would work fine right I wouldn't mind 16.7 billion dollars well you know it's interesting because uh when we have that I mentality versus we not understand that it's the Lord that has given us everything and it's like when and I know you guys have experienced my kids are probably too young to do this but you guys give them their money the money to buy you guys gifts we think about it was ultimately your money and you know with our with the money that we have now same concept you know it's God's money who's given it to us to be stewards over my children are givers and what I did with them is when they were small we had the baby jars for the baby food and I'm talking about you know when you still got kids that are small enough to have that which would have been honor you know we still were given our baby food but we kept the jars and I would give them a dollar in dimes the the older kids um and uh and I would take the 10 dimes out and spread it out and I'd say this jar is yours and this jar is for Jesus um give Jesus what you think he should have and I'd say let's begin with one dime wow and they would take the dime and they would put it in there and as as babies young kids you know I'd say okay these nine are yours and they'd see all of those and then the one for Jesus and they would say I should give him more than that one and that's how I taught them to be generous and uh you know my kids and all four of them are generous you know little david is to a fault is generous very generous but my Korean is all of them are very generous they're very generous how'd they learn that how'd they learn that they learned that because we taught them that generosity is a virtue and trusting god is a virtue and I taught them about giving because they knew daddy was supplying those dimes so they thought daddy had an unlimited amount of dimes they did but that taught them that their heavenly father has funds that he makes available to them too and it was out of my hand that they had a dime but I had my dimes out of his hand and that's how my children learned you can teach your kids generosity not just in object lessons but as they watch you when you go with people which our kids have seen and then you say let me take care of the bill for you I just as our gift to you and they see you do that and or mama buys her friend a cup of coffee and the kids are with him that's a good thing so that's how it happens you know and you explain to them our god has supplied oh I won't spend money I don't have but our god has supplied and generosity is a good thing babies and we'd honor our kids that and our children I'm I'm blessed to say this are very wise with their finances and generous what is that proverb the generous show the generous soul shall be made rich he who waters he who he who waters of himself right be watered thank you guys so much have given us practical I mean we had so much more to talk about but I really appreciate where it led to because very practical things that we married couples have learned just from what you guys have shared in your experience so thank you guys so much of course really appreciate it thanks again for tuning in let's talk marriage is a ministry of Calvary Chapel Chino Valley if you've enjoyed this video then please like and share it we will see you again next week on another episode of let's talk marriage