 So, this morning I was chatting with a friend about the current divorce rate and they were sharing how I believe something like 75% to 80% of divorces are initiated by women. So, and you know, we were examining why that might happen and I suspect that while in many cases the women choose to end the relationship because there's a real lack of emotional intimacy in the relationship, a lack of real genuine care in the relationship and women feel that women are probably in the position that they no longer financially need men to support them. They initiate it because they're in an unhappy relationship and it lets just assume for a moment that 50% of divorces, you know, there's a 50% divorce rate. I also suspect that the other half of the people, the other half in relationship aren't happy in their relationship. Okay, let's put that in a box for a second. But what's interesting is the second part of the conversation is divorce rates are on the decline. Divorce rates are on the decline. Now, I suspect part of that reason is because marriages is on the decline so that's why the divorce rate is on the decline. What is skyrocketing right now is short lived relationships that end. That's right short lived relationships that end and I suspect that 80% of the reason why short lived relationships end is because of the men. That's right. Men are ending the short lived relationships. So why is this happening? Why would men end the short lived relationships and not the women? It's because I believe that one of the fundamental problems in the current dating marketplace is that this is my suspicion for men is that men aren't committed to commitment. Number one, number two, they don't have the skill set to actually navigate one of the most fundamental issues within human mating for a successful relationship and that is good communication skills and good conflict resolution skills. That's right. Communication skills, good conflict resolution skills. Now, I want to share with you something. My girlfriend and I began, and I shared this before now, we began binge, well at least we did one season of married at first sight, married at first sight and this is where two people come together who have never met, they meet at the altar, they get married, they made a commitment to get married and then they go on a one week honeymoon and then they spend eight weeks together to decide if this is going to work. Now what's fascinating to me is, and this is why I'm bringing this up, is that there are counselors and matchmakers and other people that are part of therapists that are part of helping the couples navigate this new relationship and one of the particular experts is a guy by the name of Pastor Calvin. I really like this guy. I like the way that when the couples were having problems, he helped them with the communication skills to actually navigate their differences. He has a book that I just purchased, I just got it yesterday. It's called Marriage Ain't for Punks, Marriage Ain't for Punks and I'm just into the first chapter of this. Actually, I skimmed a couple chapters but I'm in the first chapter and what I find fascinating is that, and why I'm bringing, why marriage, why am I talking about marriage? Well let's think about the differences. If short-lived relationships end because men are unhappy, well let me go back. If marriages end because women are happy, why are short-lived relationships the endings initiated by men? I think women probably are more committed to commitment than men. That's right. In the relationship realm, in other words, I think men have this delusion that if it isn't perfect, they'll end the relationship, at least in the short-lived realm. In other words, and here's what the interesting, I think one of the differences with men is that when there's mutual chemistry and you get the opportunity to have sex relatively quickly, in other words, the barrier to entry to sex is little or no, men don't have to pay a price for that, in other words, the price being ultimate commitment. They can buy a couple dinners, go out on a few times, we get the opportunity for sex without any real level of commitment in the process. Because there's no level of commitment from the very early on, maybe there's the agreement to be monogamous and exclusive with one another, there's no real commitment or really it's not even what's missing most of the time is a real level of trust. Trust isn't merely about fidelity, trust is more about, does this person care about my feelings as much as I care about my own feelings? That's what real trust is, so what's missing in these short relationships is building the level of trust and then actually being committed to the process of commitment and this is why I think men operate from the, women operate from the delusion of the Cinderella, the notebook, the fantasies, the Hollywood. Men operate from the delusion that if it isn't perfect, it's not right for them. So coming back to this book I'm talking about and what I shared before, if you're not committed to commitment and more so I think if you don't have the skill sets and the tools to resolve conflict then that basically you're setting yourself up for failure, men in particular in this area because ultimately the happiest marriages that last 50 years, what they have is the ability to, I believe is, the happy ones. They have the ability to listen to their partner's point of view, validate their partner's point of view, this is when there's differences, listen to your partner's point of view, validate your partner's point of view and accept that their point of view is true for them. And if they're doing that and you're doing that, this is where you can agree to disagree but ultimately what's most important is listening, validating and accepting that it's true for them. But here's what happens, do you know most couples go into couples therapy, there's problems in the relationship and they're doing this, it's this person's fault, it's this person's fault, ladies do this as much as men, this isn't singular. Women I believe are willing to roll up their sleeves more often, probably 90% of the time roll up their sleeves and I think 90% of men fail at rolling up their sleeves and saying, let's find a mutual solution to this and because they fail, 90% of the time what we have is a lot of short-lived relationships that go nowhere and the endings are usually initiated by men, not all of them maybe and I said 90%, it could be 80%, I don't know, all I know is I think short-lived relationships are the endings are initiated by men because of the delusion that's supposed to be perfect, listen. You can watch movies about long-term relationships that work out and they give you some bits and tools and what not, yeah but ultimately you have to be willing to go you know what, this person is worth fighting for, this person is worth fighting for and not listen, good relationships aren't hard, they're not a lot of work, good relationships are not a lot of work because the individuals that entered into the relationship have done work on themselves to actually have better communication skills by learning how to actively listen to someone, that is one of the primary skills that is needed to have a successful relationship and if you don't have it then you're more apt to go next, next and we have this fantasy that we can just go on a dating app and just swipe the next person, that's the other piece that I think has changed in the last two decades is the belief that this person doesn't work out, I can just go online and meet another person, folks, since my divorce I've had a couple short-lived relationships, probably a half a dozen cumulative that were somewhere between three months and six months, not a half a dozen, I've had four, then I had a significant relationship that didn't, a six-year relationship that didn't work out, so think about that, if all of those were marriages I would have been married five or six times at this point, we judge people that have been married multiple times that end but what about all the people that have had short-lived relationships that go nowhere, what does that say, you know and then people get judged for not being married you know as if something's wrong with them, maybe they're the smart ones because they didn't, but I bet you those people who have never been married have had multiple short-lived relationships, so here's the bottom line of why I'm bringing this up, understanding good communication skills, reading the book nonviolent communication by Marshall Rosenberg, reading my book what the heck is self-love anyway, just to give you a few, the reason why I say my book right now is in my book I talk about all the tools I went, all the books and learning experiences I went through to be a better communicator, to be, I'd like to think, I think my girlfriend I talked about this what she appreciates most is I listen to her point of view, I validate it and I accept it to be true for her and I'd like to think she does the same for me and my hope is because of that we have the makings to a successful happy relationship, we'll see. Listen, the bottom line is this, men end relationships I believe in many cases because it doesn't live up to their ideal because if the minute there's differences they bail, that's a sad state of affairs, ultimately committed to commitment and good communication and good conflict resolution skills is what's needed and I think 90% of men fail at this because they don't have it in them. How do we shift this narrative? How do you attract that kind of guy? I invite you to do the following, God, universe, spirit, I invite in a man in my life, oh, let me reframe that, God, universe, spirit, I'm in a relationship with a man who has excellent communication skills, who is committed to commitment and he's willing to work through and he works through the differences that we have between us, we have amazing chemistry together, we share the same values, our lifestyles are blendable and this man is an amazingly emotionally mature man and we are experiencing this amazing relationship together, God, universe, spirit, I have this in my life. Let's start from the I have it now instead of wishing for it, all right? All right, I think you get to just a word and going, I'd like to hear your thoughts on this, post a comment below, let's get a conversation going. As always, if you find value in the group, please tell your friends about Midlife Love Mastery, send them to my website, JonathanAsley.com, have them click the group coaching button so they can join our fantastic group and I'm going to sign off this video as I always do. First off, give myself a big gigantic Jonathan Barrett of self-love, I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm going to ask you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love, because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch, bye-bye now, bye-bye.