 Dennis Day is brought to you by Palm Olive Soap and Colgate Dental Cream. Palm Olive Soap, Your Beauty Hope, and Colgate Dental Cream to clean your breath while you clean your teeth. The Dennis Day Show with Barbara Eiler, B. Benadera, Dink Trout, George Dooning in the Orchestra, and yours truly, Vern Smith, is written by Frank Galen and stars our popular young singer in A Day in the Life of Dennis Day. Here's Dennis to sing, A Fellow with an Umbrella. I'm just a fella. $67,000. A grand prize of $25,000 in one lump sum or $100 a month for life. And that's not all. There are thousands of prizes in Palm Olive's big treasure chest contest. 1949 Ford sedan. Westinghouse laundromats. From Silver Fox scarves. Toastmaster toasters. Yes, 2,336 prizes in all. And it's easy to enter. Complete the last line of this jingle. A fresher, brighter-looking skin is something I would like to win. I'll get Palm Olive soap today. Write your last line on a plain sheet of paper or get an official entry blank from your dealer which gives you the easy rules. Include your own and dealer's name and address. And mail with the black bands from one regular and one bath size cake of Palm Olive soap to Palm Olive Box 92, New York 8, New York. And now, here's the jingle once more. A fresher, brighter-looking skin is something I would like to win. I'll get Palm Olive soap today. Mail your entry blank with the black bands from Palm Olive soap to Palm Olive Box 92, New York 8, New York. Enter early. Enter often. Get Palm Olive soap for a lovelier complexion. Remember, doctors prove Palm Olive's beauty results. To our dear friend Mr. Anderson, a more brutal evening than one spent at the Weaverville Town Hall listening to a visiting soprano gargler way through a concert is difficult to imagine. Yet it's exactly this ordeal he faces tonight, for Mrs. Anderson considers the affair a cultural must. Naturally, he'd give his eye teeth to be absent, but in view of his wife's feelings in the matter, a refusal might entail the loss of some of his front ones as well. So we find him now pouring out his woes into the sympathetic ear of our young hero, Dennis Day. Oh, now it can't be that bad, Mr. Anderson. Oh, it's worse, my boy. Imagine sitting there all night while some woman yowls herself blue in the face. Well, refuse to go. You're a man. You wear the pants in the family, don't you? Oh, sure. I wear the pants all right. Only poopsie keeps cutting the suspenders. Oh, in other words, she says you have to go, huh? Oh, no. No, all she said was whether I go to this concert or not was a matter of my own volition. Volition? It's from the laughing. It means either go or get carried. Oh, I see. I don't know how much longer I can stand this treatment, Dennis. Someday I've got to assert myself with my wife. Someday I've got to assume my proper place in this marriage before it's too late. How long have you been married now? 25 years. Yeah, you better hurry or the honeymoon will be over. I'm going to. Dennis, my mind is made up. I'm not going to that concert. I'm finally going to tell poopsie off. Gosh, do you mean it? Certainly. Isn't anything better than slavery? Well, I don't know. Personally, I'd rather tote that veil and keep breathing. Well, I wouldn't. We're going to rehearse my speech to her right now, Dennis. Now, you make believe that you're a poopsie and you've just walked into the room. Okay. How do you want her? As usual or smiling? As usual. All right. Here we go. Well, Herbert, are you ready to go to the concert? Shut up! I asked you whether you were ready to go to the concert. Stop flapping your big trap. I'm not going to any concert tonight or any other night. Understand, kiddo? And if you don't like it, you can lump it. Wanna bet which one she does? I'd like to see her try it. Those are going to be my exact words, Dennis. I'm going to tell her plenty. I'm going to... Well, Herbert, are you ready to go to the concert? Yes, poopsie. Hope that succeed you because you're not going. Not going? Gosh, maybe you're scared of my mental telepathy. It's simply that Mrs. Van Nostrand just got back in town today and couldn't get a ticket for the concert. So I gave her Herbert's. Oh, my. You mean I'm to be deprived of hearing Madame Slobotnik sing 112 folk songs in the original Lithuanian, accompanying herself on the glockenspiel? You can't be helped. You know what a feather it'll be in my cap to be seen with Mrs. Van Nostrand, the acknowledged social leader of the whole town. Oh, you bet. Well, don't mind me. I'll stay home alone tonight. Don't be so happy about it. I've hidden your binoculars. And besides, that blonde who's out here hasn't helped me get dressed. Yes, dear. And this time take off your shoes. Last time you laced up my corset, I had the imprint of your heel on my back for a week. Your service, love. Oh, hi, Mildred. My, you look very nice. Thank you, Daddy. Well, how do you think of me, Dennis? Boy, is that a dress. My new strap was formal. And judging from the look in your eye, you kind of like it. Yeah, I was just thinking. If you'd tell me how you keep it up, I could throw away my garden. Goodness, your nurse? Golly, yes, of course, Mrs. Van Nostrand. Yes, I will. Goodbye. Oh, gosh. Mildred, what seems to be... Was that the phone, Mildred? Yes, Mother, and I'm afraid it's bad news. Mrs. Van Nostrand's nurse just quit and can't get anyone to stay with little Gerald. You mean she can't go to the concert? But she's got to. I've told everyone in town I'd be with her. But Mother, if she can't find anyone to take care of... Wait a minute. Dennis. Oh, no, not me. That Gerald is the worst little brat in town. Dennis, I want Mrs. Van Nostrand at that concert. Is that clear? Are you kidding? I wouldn't stay with Heather's son for a million dollars. Dennis Day. Do you think 50 cents an hour would be too much? Gerald is not an ordinary child. And I'm extremely careful about seeing that he's in the right hands. That is the reason for this interview. Yes, ma'am. Now, just exactly what do you know about sitting? Oh, there's nothing to it. I just squat and then lose altitude till I make contact. Discussing your physical triumphs. We're not? No. Now tell me once and for all, what do you know about growing boys? Well, frankly, I've never grown any. What? I mean, I never had any of my own, but my mother and father did. Yes. And I imagine they pause every now and then to curse each other about it. I beg your pardon? Mr. Day, do you really think I'd trust a child like my Gerald with someone like you? But gosh, Mrs. Van Nostrand... A high strung, nervous youngster like my Gerald, who's already tried to run away from home twice. He has? Yes. Not that I can understand why. I've always spent a great deal of time with him. Could that be a clue? The point is I certainly don't want you taking care of him, and that is final. But gee, Mrs. Anderson will kill me if you don't go to that... Wait a minute, I've got an idea. Suppose I call Mr. Anderson and have him come over. The two of us could fit with Gerald. Mr. Anderson? Well, I do want to hear that con, sir. All right, call him. I guess Mr. Anderson can handle the boy. Oh, sure. Little Gerald may have a few pounds on him, pretty fast on his feet. Come on, Gerald, let's finish your homework before Mr. Anderson gets back with the ice cream. Now, once more, what is the largest city in Australia? Why aren't you jumping the lake? Gerald, you must never answer a question with a question. Ah, put that book away. I had enough of this junk. Gerald, that's no attitude. You've got to do your homework, son. You don't want to grow up and be a big dumbbell, do you? What's the matter? You hate the life you lead? Never mind. You want to amount to something, don't you? It's not me. I'm going to be an actor. An actor? Sure. Every time my mother leaves me alone, I try running away. But the cities are always too smart for education. I better get the rest of my books and study real hard. Yeah, now you're talking. They're in this closet. Would you get them for me? You bet. Hey, where are they? I don't see them. Back a little further. Wait a minute. There he is. See? On the other side of that iron gate. Oh, my gosh. We can't even get our hands on him. How can we stop him from getting on that train? Come on, I have an idea. Maybe we can talk him out of it. Just follow any lead I throw. Okay. Hello, Gerald. You mean goodbye? Such are my trainings in five minutes. Okay. If you want to go to a sad, unhappy, uneducated life, that's your lookout. What do you mean uneducated? Education. You? Don't you know you can't be an actor unless you know how to speak English? Okay, so I'll go on the radio. Is that Jimmy Durranti about the English language? Gerald, I'm glad you mentioned him. You think Jimmy Durranti's a happy man. I happen to know that behind that gay, carefree nose beats a broken heart. Yeah? How would you know? Well, I'm going to tell you a secret I've never mentioned in public before. My real name is Jimmy Durranti, Gerald. What? You're nuts. You don't believe it, huh, kiddo? Okay, I'll tell you a story. I'm driving down Sunset Boulevard one day in my more uncolored convertible with the white sidewall tires. From the rest of my usual Hollywood fashion to wit, me violet beret, me orange colored sweatshirt, open enough to show a glimpse of me heliotrope Westcote, me decked in me future slacks with chartreuse open sneakers. All of a sudden, the motorcycle John Darmie flags me to the coin. I says, what's the matter? I was only going 50 miles an hour. And he says, I know. I just wanted to hear you talk. I was dying mortified. And Gerald, what did I have to talk about? Did I know the biggest city in Australia? No. Did I know how to square a hypotenuse? I don't even know what they eat. Don't grow up like me. A miserable, uneducated millionaire, Gerald. It's ignomininineous. But they are, Gerald. Even the greatest of them. Men like Sir Harry Lauder, a success on every continent. He was just a sad. Sir Harry Lauder? Who's he? Oh, he was before your time, Gerald. Way back in the beginning of show business, when they didn't even know whether Phil Spitalny's orchestra would be a boy or a girl. But I know all about him, because, you see, Sir Harry Lauder was just one of my stage names. What? He was you, too? Ah, hi, laddie. That's how it was. I, and what a hit I was, too, were my kills, and my tart, and my tam. Back when the century was new, I, the music comes back to me new. If you'll close your ears, maybe you can hear it too. Just the way I used to sing. Lots of bonny lassies on my travel's wife. But my hair just centered new on bonny Kate McBride. That would throw a word away. I'm surprised sometimes myself at all. On the bonny kitchen fire I asked her to be mine. I get up and I dance the heel and fling. I've just been to the woman. On the bonny bang, Sir Clay. That's the time, that's the time. Next to my hundred and fifty room hoose, and my twelve hundred servants, my head butler used to say to me, Blimey, good evening, you belly-bloom and lordships, sir. Greetings, Tiff and Allman. I can't it as happy as every year, this bra-brick-moly-knick-to-knick I see. Ah, yes, your lordship. Much happier than you. Aye. For you see, you didn't concentrate on your education when you were little Gerald's age. Aye. And now, in spite of your great wealth, you don't know the biggest city in blinkin' old Australia. Aye. Aye, aye, aye. Right, so go. You see what I mean, Gerald? Ah, who cares about an old Scotchman? You just show me a big success on the American stage you feel that way. All right, have you ever heard of the Andrew Sisters, my boy? Now, don't tell me you're all three of them. Ah. No, that'd be silly. I'm only one. What? Sure. And my friend here, Mr. Anderson, is another. You hear her singing, you think we're happy. But are we? Listen closely and see if you can't detect a sad note beneath all. You can't sell a note unless the patient you talk is playing with him. He makes a company come to come to when he plays heavily. He's the Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy Company B. He was a Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy Company B. And while he plays Boogie Woogie Bugle, he was busy as a busy. And when he plays, he makes the company jump in to the bar. He's the Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy Company B. Doodly-ada, doodly-ada, dood-dood, he blows it in to the bar. He can't blow a note if the patient guitar out of tune. The company jump when he plays heavily. He's the Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy Company B. What did you think, Patty? Well, broken up because that Sydney fella threw her over. Yeah, that was a shame. Yeah, like such a beautiful romance, too. Yeah, until that awful day when he asked her to name the biggest city in Australia. Yes, that was the day she lost Sydney. What good are all her diamonds and yachts and Cadillacs and swimming pools? Name the biggest city in Australia. I'll bet she wishes she had concentrated on her education when she was Gerald's age. Say, if we know the name of the biggest city in Australia, we could tell her and maybe she could get Sydney back. Yes, let's see now, what could it be? Kangaroo? No. Gee, that Sydney can ask some tough ones. Wait a minute, Sydney, that gives me an idea. I think I've got it. It's Singapore. See, Gerald, the Andrews' sisters have their troubles, too. Yeah, I guess so. I tell you, they're all unhappy. Every last one of them. Jack Benny, Al Jolson, Sophie Tucker. Gosh, Sophie Tucker, too. Oh, the unhappiest of them all, and I ought to know. Oh, no, you don't mean... Yep, my maiden name. I remember how I used to get out there on the stage of the old palace and really rocked the place. I tell you, there was never anyone like old Soph. Just happy. In spite of their yachts and rubies and palaces, they're all miserable. Gee, honest? Sure, you've got to have an education if you want them out to something in this world. Yeah, maybe you're right. Here's my railroad ticket, pal. Oh, is that a load off my mind? Oh, wait a minute, Dennis, where are you going? To turn the boys' ticket in? What? Swimming pools, yachts, diamonds first, Cadillacs? I'm taking the next train to Hollywood. Colgate Dental Cream cleaned your breath while it cleaned your teeth. No other toothpaste does a better job of cleaning teeth than Colgate Dental Cream. For Colgate Dental Cream has a safe polishing agent that cleans your teeth both gently and thoroughly, brings out their natural sparkle and beauty. You can actually see and feel the difference. 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And always use Colgate Dental Cream after you eat and before every date to clean your breath while you clean your teeth. Sure, that lady and herman hears Dennis to sing, This is the moment. The moment is at the shadow. Solid soap, your beauty hope, and Colgate Dental Cream to clean your breath while you clean your teeth. Being glamorous hair, try Luster Cream Shampoo. Not a soap, not a liquid, but a dating new cream shampoo. In tubes or jars, whichever you prefer. Be a lovely Luster Cream Girl. Dream girl, dream girl, beautiful Luster Cream Girl. You owe your crowning glory to Luster Cream Shampoo. Listen again next week to Colgate's Hour of Fun, Judy Canova, followed by Dennis Day. And say some good friends of yours are moving next week. Blondie, Dagwood, JC Dithers, the whole Blondie radio family, move to Wednesday nights on most of these stations. We hope you'll be home to welcome them and listen to Blondie every Wednesday. Burn Smith speaking. Good night. This is NBC, the national broadcasting company.