 Emma by Jane Austen, Volume 3, Chapter 7. They had a very fine day for Box Hill, and all the other outward circumstances of arrangement, accommodation, and punctuality were in favour of a pleasant party. Mr. Weston directed the whole, officiating safely between Hartfield and the vicarage, and everybody was in good time. Emma and Harriet went together, Miss Bates and her niece with the Eltons, the gentlemen on horseback. Mrs. Weston remained with Mr. Woodhouse. Nothing was wanting but to be happy when they got there. Seven miles were travelled in expectation of enjoyment, and everybody had a burst of admiration on first arriving, but in the general amount of the day there was deficiency. There was a langer, a want of spirits, a want of union, which could not be got over. They separated too much into parties. The Eltons walked together, Mr. Knightley took charge of Miss Bates and Jane, and Emma and Harriet belonged to Frank Churchill. And Mr. Weston tried, in vain, to make them harmonise better. It seemed at first an accidental division, but it never materially varied. Mr. and Mrs. Elton, indeed, showed no unwillingness to mix and be as agreeable as they could, but during the two whole hours that were spent on the hill there seemed a principle of separation between the other parties too strong for any fine prospects, or any cold collation, or any cheerful Mr. Weston to remove. At first it was downright dullness to Emma. She had never seen Frank Churchill so silent and stupid. He said nothing worth hearing, looked without seeing, admired without intelligence, listened without knowing what she said. While he was so dull it was no wonder that Harriet should be dull likewise, and they were both insufferable. When they all sat down it was better, to her taste a great deal better, for Frank Churchill grew talkative and gay, making her his first object. Every distinguishing attention that could be paid was paid to her. To amuse her and be agreeable in her eyes seemed all that he cared for, and Emma, glad to be enlivened, not sorry to be flattered, was gay and easy too, and gave him all the friendly encouragement, the admission to be galante, which she had ever given in the first and most animating period of their acquaintance, but which now, in her own estimation, meant nothing, though in the judgment of most people looking on it must have had such an appearance as no English word but flirtation could very well describe. Most of Frank Churchill and Miss Woodhouse flirted together excessively. They were laying themselves open to that very phrase, and to having it sent off in a letter to Maple Grove by one lady, to Ireland by another. Not that Emma was gay and thoughtless from any real felicity, it was rather because she felt less happy than she had expected. She laughed because she was disappointed, and though she liked him for his attentions and thought them all, whether in friendship, admiration, or playfulness, extremely judicious, they were not winning back her heart. She still intended him for her friend. "'How much I am obliged to you,' said he, for telling me to come to-day. If it had not been for you I should certainly have lost all the happiness of this party. I had quite determined to go away again.' "'Yes, you were very cross, and I do not know what about except that you were too late for the best strawberries. I was a kinder friend than you deserved, but you were humble. You begged hard to be commanded to come. "'Don't say I was cross. I was fatigued. The heat overcame me. It is hotter to-day. Not to my feelings. I am perfectly comfortable to-day. "'You are comfortable because you are under command.' "'Your command?' "'Yes.' "'Perhaps I intended you to say so, but I meant self-command. You had somehow or other broken bounds yesterday, and run away from your own management. But today you are got back again. And as I cannot be always with you, it is best to believe your temper under your own command rather than mine. It comes to the same thing. I can have no self-command without a motive. You order me whether you speak or not. And you can be always with me. You are always with me. Dating from three o'clock yesterday. My perpetual influence could not begin earlier, or you would not have been so much out of humour before.' "'Three o'clock yesterday. That is your date. I thought I had seen you first in February. That gallantry is really unanswerable. But,' lowering her voice, nobody speaks except ourselves, and it is rather too much to be talking nonsense for the entertainment of seven silent people.' "'I say nothing of which I am ashamed,' replied he, with lively impudence. "'I saw you first in February. Let everybody on the hill hear me if they can. Let my accent swell to nickel him on one side, and dorking on the other. I saw you first in February.' And then whispering, "'Our companions are excessively stupid. What shall we do to rouse them? Any nonsense will serve. They shall talk.' "'Ladies and gentlemen, I am ordered by Miss Woodhouse, who, wherever she is presides, to say that she desires to know what you are all thinking of.' Some laughed and answered good-humouredly. Miss Bates said a great deal. Mrs. Alton swelled at the idea of Miss Woodhouse's presiding. Mr. Knightley's answer was the most distinct. "'Is Miss Woodhouse sure that she would like to hear what we are all thinking of?' "'Oh, no, no,' cried Emma, laughing as carelessly as she could, upon no account in the world. It is the very last thing I would stand the brunt of just now. Let me hear anything rather than what you are all thinking of. I will not say quite all. There are one or two, perhaps, glancing at Mr. Weston and Harriet, whose thoughts I might not be afraid of knowing. "'It is a sort of thing,' cried Mrs. Alton emphatically, which I should not have thought myself privileged to inquire into, though perhaps as the chaperone of the party I never was in any circle, exploring parties, young ladies, married women.' Her mutterings were chiefly to her husband, and he murmured in reply, "'Very true, my love, very true, exactly so indeed, quite unheard of. But some ladies say anything. Better pass it off as a joke. Everybody knows what is due to you.' "'It will not do,' whispered Frank to Emma. "'They are most of them affronted. I will attack them with more address.' Ladies and gentlemen, I am ordered by Miss Woodhouse to say that she waves her right of knowing exactly what you may all be thinking of and only requires something very entertaining from each of you in a general way. Here are seven of you, besides myself, who, she is pleased to say, am very entertaining already, and she only demands from each of you either one thing very clever, be it prose or verse, original or repeated, or two things moderately clever, or three things very dull indeed, and she engages to laugh heartily at them all.' "'Oh, very well,' exclaimed Miss Bates, and then I need not be uneasy, three things very dull indeed. That will just do for me, you know. I shall be sure to say three dull things as soon as ever I open my mouth, shant I.' Coming round, with the most good humour dependence on everybody's assent, do not you all think I shall?' Emma could not resist. "'Ah, Mom, but there may be a difficulty. Pardon me, but you will be limited as to number, only three at once.' Miss Bates, deceived by the mock ceremony of her manner, did not immediately catch her meaning. But when it burst on her, it could not anger, though a slight blush showed that it could pain her. "'Ah, well, to be sure, yes, I see what she means,' turning to Mr. Knightley, and I will try to hold my tongue. I must make myself very disagreeable, or she would not have said such a thing to an old friend.' "'I like your plan,' cried Mr. Weston. "'Agreed, agreed. I will do my best. I am making a conundrum. How will a conundrum reckon?' "'Low, I am afraid, sir, very low,' answered his son. But we shall be indulgent, especially to anyone who leads the way.' "'No, no,' said Emma, it will not reckon low. A conundrum of Mr. Weston shall clear him and his next neighbour. Come, sir, pray let me hear it.' "'I doubt it's being very clever myself,' said Mr. Weston. "'It is too much a matter of fact. But here it is. What two letters of the alphabet are there that express perfection?' "'What two letters? Express perfection. I am sure I do not know.' "'Ah, you will never guess. You,' to Emma, "'I am certain will never guess. I will tell you, M and A, M, May, do you understand?' Understanding and gratification came together. It might be a very indifferent piece of wit, but Emma found a great deal to laugh at and enjoy in it, and so did Frank and Harriet. It did not seem to touch the rest of the party equally. Some looked very stupid about it, and Mr. Knightley gravely said, "'This explains the sort of clever thing that is wanted, and Mr. Weston has done very well for himself. But he must have knocked up everybody else. Perfection should not have come quite so soon.' "'Oh, for myself I protest I must be excused,' said Mrs. Elton. "'I really cannot attempt. I am not at all fond of the sort of thing. I had an acrostic one sent to me upon my own name, which I was not at all pleased with. I knew who it came from, an abominable puppy. You know who, I mean, nodding to her husband. These kind of things are very well at Christmas when one is sitting round the fire, but quite out of place, in my opinion, when one is exploring about the country in summer. Miss Woodhouse must excuse me. I am not one of those who have witty things at everybody's service. I do not pretend to be a witt. I have a great deal of vivacity in my own way, but I really must be allowed to judge when to speak and when to hold my tongue. Pass us, if you please, Mr. Churchill. Pass Mr. E., Knightley, Jane, and myself. We have nothing clever to say, not one of us.' Yes, yes, pray pass me,' added her husband, with a sort of sneering consciousness. I have nothing to say that it can entertain Miss Woodhouse, or any other young lady, an old married man, quite good for nothing. Shall we walk, Augusta? With all my heart I am really tired of exploring so long on one spot. Come, Jane, take my other arm. Jane declined it, however, and the husband and wife walked off. Happy couple! said Frank Churchill, as soon as they were out of hearing. How well they suit one another, very lucky, marrying as they did, upon an acquaintance formed only in a public place. They only knew each other, I think, a few weeks in Bath, peculiarly lucky, for as to any real knowledge of a person's disposition that Bath, or any public place, can give. It is all nothing, there can be no knowledge. It is only by seeing women in their own homes, among their own set, just as they always are, that you can form any just judgment. Short of that it is all guess and luck, and will generally be ill luck. How many a man has committed himself on a short acquaintance, and rude it all the rest of his life. Miss Fairfax, who had seldom spoken before, except among her own confederates, spoke now. Such things do occur undoubtedly. She was stopped by a cough. Frank Churchill turned towards her to listen. You were speaking, said he, gravely. She recovered her voice. I was only going to observe that those such unfortunate circumstances do sometimes occur both to men and women. I cannot imagine them to be very frequent. A hasty and imprudent attachment may arise, but there is generally time to recover from it afterwards. I would be understood to mean that it can be only weak, irresolute characters whose happiness must be always at the mercy of chance, who will suffer an unfortunate acquaintance to be an inconvenience, an oppression, for ever. He made no answer, merely looked and bowed in submission, and soon afterwards said in a lively tone, Well, I have so little confidence in my own judgment that whenever I marry, I hope somebody will choose my wife for me. Will you? Turning to Emma, will you choose a wife for me? I am sure I should like anybody fixed on by you. You provide for the family, you know, with a smile at his father. Find somebody for me. I am in no hurry. Adopt her. Educate her. And make her like myself. By all means, if you can. Very well. I undertake the commission. You shall have a charming wife. She must be very lively and have hazel eyes. I care for nothing else. I shall go abroad for a couple of years, and when I return, I shall come to you for my wife. Remember. Emma was in no danger of forgetting. It was a commission to touch every favourite feeling. Would not Harriet be the very creature described? Hazel eyes accepted. Two years more might make her all that he wished. He might even have Harriet in his thoughts at the moment. Who could say? Referring the education to her seemed to imply it. Now, Mom, said Jane to her aunt, shall we join Mrs. Elton? If you please, my dear, with all my heart, I am quite ready. I was ready to have gone with her, but this will do just as well. We shall soon overtake her. There she is. Oh, no, that's somebody else. That's one of the ladies in the Irish car-party. Not at all like her. Well, I declare. They walked off, followed in half a minute by Mr. Knightley. Mr. Weston, his son, Emma and Harriet, only remained. And the young man's spirits now rose to a pitch almost unpleasant. Even Emma grew tired at last of flattery and merriment, and wished herself rather walking quietly about with any of the others, or sitting almost alone and quite unattended to, in tranquil observation of the beautiful views beneath her. The appearance of the servants looking out for them to give notice of the carriages was a joyful sight, and even the bustle of collecting and preparing to depart, and the solicitude of Mrs. Elton to have her carriage first, were gladly endured in the prospect of the quiet drive-home, which was to close the very questionable enjoyments of this day of pleasure. Such another scheme, composed of so many ill-assorted people, hoped never to be betrayed into again. While waiting for the carriage, she found Mr. Knightley by her side. He looked around, as if to see that no one were near, and then said, Emma, I must once more speak to you as I have been used to do. A privilege rather endured than allowed perhaps, but I must still use it. I cannot see you acting wrong without a remonstrance. How could you be so unfeeling to Miss Bates? How could you be so insolent in your wit to a woman of her character, age, and situation? Emma, I had not thought it possible. Emma recollected, blushed, and was sorry, but tried to laugh it off. Nay! How could I help saying what I did? Nobody could have helped it. It was not so very bad. I daresay she did not understand me. I assure you she did. She felt your full meaning. She has talked of it since. I wish you could have heard how she talked of it, with what candour and generosity. I wish you could have heard her honouring your forbearance in being able to pay her such attentions as she was forever receiving from yourself and your father, when her society must be so irksome. Oh! cried Emma, I know there is not a better creature in the world, but you must allow that what is good and what is ridiculous are most unfortunately blended in her. They are blended, said he. I acknowledge. And were she prosperous? I could allow much for the occasional prevalence of the ridiculous over the good. Were she a woman of fortune? I would leave every harmless absurdity to take its chance. I would not quarrel with you for any liberties of manner. Were she your equal in situation? But Emma, consider how far this is from being the case. She is poor. She has sunk from the comfort she was born to. And if she lived to old age must probably sink more. Her situation should secure your compassion. It was badly done, indeed. You, whom she had known from an infant, whom she had seen grow up from a period when her notice was an honour, to have you now in thoughtless spirits and the pride of the moment laugh at her, humble her, and before her niece too, and before others, many of whom, certainly some, would be entirely guided by your treatment of her. This is not pleasant to you, Emma, and it is very far from pleasant to me, but I must, I will, I will tell you truths while I can, satisfied with proving myself your friend by very faithful counsel, and trusting that you will, some time or other, do me greater justice than you can do now. While they talked, they were advancing towards the carriage. It was ready. And before she could speak again, he had handed her in. He misinterpreted the feelings which had kept her face averted and her tongue motionless. They were combined only of anger against herself, mortification, and deep concern. She had not been able to speak, and, on entering the carriage, sunk back for a moment overcome, then reproaching herself for having taken no leave, making no acknowledgement, parting in apparent cellowness, she looked out with voice and hand eager to show a difference, but it was just too late. He had turned away, and the horses were in motion. She continued to look back, but in vain, and soon, with what appeared unusual speed, they were halfway down the hill, and everything left far behind. She was vexed beyond what could have been expressed, almost beyond what she could conceal. Never had she felt so agitated, mortified, grieved at any circumstance in her life. She was most forcibly struck. The truth of this representation there was no denying. She felt it at her heart. How could she have been so brutal, so cruel to Miss Bates? How could she have exposed herself to such ill-opinion in anyone she valued? And how suffer him to leave her without saying one word of gratitude, of concurrence, of common kindness? Time did not compose her. As she reflected more, she seemed but to feel it more. She never had been so depressed. Happily it was not necessary to speak. There was only Harriet, who seemed not in spirits herself, fagged, and very willing to be silent. And Emma felt the tears running down her cheeks almost all the way home, without being at any trouble to check them, extraordinary as they were. Emma by Jane Austen. Volume 3, Chapter 8. The wretchedness of a scheme to Box Hill was in Emma's thoughts all the evening. How it might be considered by the rest of the party she could not tell. They, in their different homes and their different ways, might be looking back on it with pleasure, but in her view it was a mourning more completely misspent, more totally bare of rational satisfaction at the time, and more to be abhorred in recollection than any she had ever passed. A whole evening of backgammon with her father was felicity to it. There, indeed, lay real pleasure, for there she was giving up the sweetest hours of the twenty-four to his comfort, and feeling that, unmerited as might be the degree of his fond affection and confiding esteem, she could not, in her general conduct, be open to any severe reproach. As a daughter she hoped she was not without a heart. She hoped no one could have said to her, How could you be so unfeeling to your father? I must, I will tell you truths while I can. Miss Bates should never again. No, never! If a tension in future could do away the past, she might hope to be forgiven. She had been often remiss, her conscience told her so, remiss perhaps more in thought than fact, scornful, ungracious, but it should be so no more. In the warmth of true contrition she would call upon her the very next morning and it should be the beginning on her side of a regular, equal, kindly intercourse. She was just as determined when the morrow came and went early that nothing might prevent her. It was not unlikely, she thought, that she might see Mr. Knightley in her way, or perhaps he might come in while she were paying her visit. She had no objection. She would not be ashamed of the appearance of the penitents so justly and truly hers. Her eyes were towards Donwell as she walked, but she saw him not. The ladies were all at home. She had never rejoiced at the sound before, nor ever before entered the passage, nor walked up the stairs with any wish of giving pleasure, but in conferring obligation, or of deriving it, except in subsequent ridicule. There was a bustle on her approach, a good deal of moving and talking. She heard Miss Bates' voice. Something was to be done in a hurry. The maid looked frightened and awkward, hoped she would be pleased to wait a moment, and then ushered her in too soon. The aunt and niece seemed both escaping into the adjoining room. Jane she had a distinct glimpse of, looking extremely ill, and before the door had shut them out, she heard Miss Bates saying, Well, my dear, I shall say you are laid down upon the bed, and I am sure you are ill enough. Poor old Miss Bates, civil and humble as usual, looked as if she did not quite understand what was going on. I am afraid Jane is not very well, said she, but I do not know. They tell me she is well. I dare say my daughter will be here presently, Miss Woodhouse. I hope you find a chair. I wish Hetty had not gone. I am very little able. Have you a chair, Mom? Do you sit where you like? I am sure she will be here presently. Emma seriously hoped she would. She had a moment's fear of Miss Bates keeping away from her. But Miss Bates soon came, very happy and obliged. But Emma's conscience told her that there was not the same cheerful volubility as before, less ease of look and manner. A very friendly inquiry after Miss Fairfax, she hoped, might lead the way to a return of old feelings. The touch seemed immediate. Ah, Miss Woodhouse, how kind you are! I suppose you have heard, and are come to give us joy. This does not seem much like joy indeed in me, twinkling away a tear or two, but it will be very trying for us to part with her, after having had her so long. And she has a dreadful headache just now, writing all the morning such long letters, you know, to be written to Colonel Campbell and Mrs. Dixon. My dear, said I, you will blind yourself, for tears were in her eyes perpetually. One cannot wonder, one cannot wonder. It is a great change, and though she is amazingly fortunate. Such a situation, I suppose, as no young woman before ever met with on first going out, was hung grateful, Miss Woodhouse, for such surprising good fortune, again dispersing her tears. But poor dear soul, if you were to see what a headache she has, when one is in great pain, you know one cannot feel any blessing quite as it may deserve. She is as low as possible. To look at her nobody would think how delighted and happy she is to have secured such a situation. You will excuse her not coming to you. She is not able. She has gone into her own room. You want her to lie down upon the bed. My dear, said I, I shall say you are laid down upon the bed. But, however, she is not. She is walking about the room. But now that she has written her letters, she says she shall soon be well. She will be extremely sorry to miss seeing you, Miss Woodhouse, but your kindness will excuse her. You were kept waiting at the door. I was quite ashamed, but somehow there was a little bustle, for it so happened that we had not heard the knock, until you were on the stairs. We did not know anybody was coming. It is only Mrs. Cole, said I, depend upon it. Nobody else would come so early. Well, said she, it must be borne some time or other, and it may as well be now. But then Patty came in and said it was you. Oh, said I, it is Miss Woodhouse, and I am sure you will like to see her. I can see nobody, said she, and up she got, and would go away. And that was what made us keep you waiting, and extremely sorry and ashamed we were. If you must go, my dear, said I, you must, and I will say you are laid down upon the bed. Emma was most sincerely interested. Her heart had been long-growing kinder towards Jane, and this picture of her present sufferings acted as a cure of every former ungenerous suspicion, and left her nothing but pity, and the remembrance of the less just and less gentle sensations of the past, obliged her to admit that Jane might very naturally resolve on seeing Mrs. Cole, or any other steady friend, when she might not bear to see herself. She spoke as she felt, with earnest regret and solicitude, sincerely wishing that the circumstances which she collected from Miss Bates to be now actually determined on might be as much for Miss Fairfax's advantage and comfort as possible. It must be a severe trial to them all. She had understood it was to be delayed till Colonel Campbell's return. So very kind, replied Miss Bates, but you are always kind. There was no bearing such an always, and to break through her dreadful gratitude Emma made the direct inquiry of, where, may I ask, is Miss Fairfax going? To a Mrs. Smallridge, charming woman, most superior, to have the charge of her three little girls, delightful children, impossible that any situation could be more replete of comfort if we, except perhaps Mrs. Suckling's own family and Mrs. Bragg's, but Mrs. Smallridge is intimate with both and in the very same neighbourhood, lives only four miles from Maple Grove, Jane will be only four miles from Maple Grove. Mrs. Elton, I suppose, has been the person to whom Miss Fairfax owes. Yes, our good Mrs. Elton, the most indefatigable true friend, she would not take a denial, she would not let Jane say no for when Jane first heard of it, it was the day before yesterday, the very morning we were at Donwell, when Jane first heard of it, she was quite decided against accepting the offer, and for the reasons you mentioned, exactly as you say, she had made up her mind to close with nothing till Colonel Campbell's return, and nothing should induce her to enter into any engagement at present, and so she told Mrs. Elton over and over again. I am sure I had no more idea that she would change her mind, and whose judgment never fails her, saw farther than I did. It is not everybody that would have stood out in such a kind way as she did, and refused to take Jane's answer, but she positively declared she would not write any such denial yesterday, as Jane wished her. She would wait, and sure enough yesterday evening it was all settled that Jane should go. Quite a surprise to me. I had not the least idea. Jane took Mrs. Elton aside because of Mrs. Smallbridge's situation. She had come to the resolution of accepting it. I did not know a word of it till it was all settled. You spent the evening with Mrs. Elton. Yes, all of us. Mrs. Elton would have us come. It was settled so upon the hill while we were walking about with Mr. Knightley. You must all spend your evening with us, said she. I positively must have you all come. Mr. Knightley was there too, was he? No, not Mr. Knightley. He declined it from the first, and though I thought he would come, because Mrs. Elton declared she would not let him off. He did not, but my mother and Jane and I were all there, and a very agreeable evening we had. Such kind friends, you know. Miss Woodhouse, one must always find agreeable, though everybody seemed rather fagged after the morning's party. Even pleasure, you know, is fatiguing. I cannot say that any of them seemed very much to have enjoyed it. However, I shall always think at a very pleasant party and feel extremely obliged to the kind friends who included me in it. Miss Fairfax, I suppose, though you were not aware of it, had been making up her mind the whole day? I daresay she had. Whenever the time may come it must be unwelcome to her and all her friends, but I hope her engagement will have every alleviation that is possible. I mean, as to the character and manners of the family. Thank you, dear Miss Woodhouse. Yes, indeed, there is everything in the world that can make her happy in it. Accept the sucklings and brags. There is not such another nursery establishment so liberal and elegant in all Mrs. Elton's acquaintance. Mrs. Smallridge, a most delightful woman, a style of living almost equal to Mabel Grove, and as to the children, except the little sucklings and little brags, there are not such elegant, sweet children anywhere. They are treated with such regard and kindness. It will be nothing but pleasure, a life of pleasure, and her salary. I really cannot venture to name her salary to Miss Woodhouse. Even you, used as you are, to great sums, would hardly believe that so much could be given to a young person like Jane. Ah, madam, cried Emma, if other children are at all like what I remember to have been myself, I should think five times the amount of what I have ever yet heard named as a salary on such occasions, dearly earned. You are so noble in your ideas. And when is Miss Fairfax to leave you? Very soon. Very soon indeed. That's the worst of it, within a fortnight. Mrs. Smallridge is in a great hurry. My poor mother does not know how to bear it, so then I try to put it out of her thoughts and say, come, mom, do not let us think about it any more. Her friends must all be sorry to lose her, and will not Colonel and Mrs. Campbell be sorry to find that she has engaged herself before their return? Yes, Jane says she is sure they will, but yet this is such a situation as she cannot feel herself justified in declining. I was so astonished when she first told me what she had been saying to Mrs. Elton, and when Mrs. Elton at the same moment came congratulating me upon it. It was before tea. Stay. No, it could not be before tea because we were just going to cards. And yet it was before tea because I remember thinking, oh no, now I recollect, now I have it. Something happened before tea, but not that. Mr. Elton was called out of the room before tea. Old John Abdeson wanted to speak with him. Poor old John, I have a great regard for him. He was clerked to my poor father twenty-seven years, and now poor old man he is bedridden and very poorly with the rheumatic gout in his joints. I must go and see him every day, and so will Jane, I am sure if she gets out at all. And poor John's son came to talk to Mr. Elton about relief from the parish. He is very well to do himself, you know, being headman at the Crown, Ostler, and everything of that sort, but still he cannot keep his father without some help. And so when Mr. Elton came back he told us what John Ostler had been telling him, and then it came out about the chaise having been sent to Randalls to take Mr. Frank Churchill to Richmond. That was what happened before tea. After tea that Jane spoke to Mrs. Elton. Miss Bates would hardly give him a time to say how perfectly new this circumstance was to her. But as without supposing it possible that she could be ignorant of any of the particulars of Mr. Frank Churchill's going, she proceeded to give them all. It was of no consequence. What Mr. Elton had learned from the Ostler on the subject, being the accumulation of the Ostler's own knowledge, and the knowledge of the servants at Randalls, was that a messenger had come over from Richmond soon after the return of the party from Brock's Hill. Which messenger, however, had been no more than was expected, and that Mr. Churchill had sent his nephew a few lines containing, upon the whole, a tolerable account of Mrs. Churchill, and only wishing him not to delay coming back beyond the next morning early. But that Mr. Frank Churchill, having resolved to go home directly, without waiting at all, and his horse seeming to have got a cold, Tom had been sent off immediately for the Crown Shays, and the Ostler had stood out and seen it pass by, the boy going a good pace and driving very steady. There was nothing in all this either to astonish or interest, and it caught Emma's attention only as it united with the subject which already engaged her mind. The contrast between Mrs. Churchill's importance in the world struck her. One was everything, the other nothing. And she sat, musing on the difference of woman's destiny, and quite unconscious on what her eyes were fixed, till roused by Miss Bates's saying, I, I see what you are thinking of, the Piano Forte, what is to become of that? Very true. Poor dear Jane was talking of it just now. You must go, said she. You and I must part. Let it stay, however, said she. Give it house room till Colonel Campbell comes back. I shall talk about it to him. He will settle for me. He will help me out of all my difficulties. And to this day, I do believe, she knows not whether it was his present or his daughters. Now Emma was obliged to think of the Piano Forte, and the remembrance of all her former fanciful and unfair conjectures was so little pleasing that she soon allowed herself to believe her visit had been long enough. And, with a repetition of everything that she could venture to say of the good wishes which she really felt, took leave. For more information and to find out how you can volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. Recording by Moira Fogarty. Emma by Jane Austen. Volume 3, Chapter 9. Emma's pensive meditations as she walked home were not interrupted. But, on entering the parlor, she found those who must rouse her. Mr. Knightley and Harriet had arrived during her absence and were sitting with her father. Mr. Knightley immediately got up and in a manner decidedly graver than usual said, I would not go away without seeing you, but I have no time to spare and therefore must now be gone directly. I am going to London to spend a few days with John and Isabella. Have you anything to send or say, besides the love which nobody carries? Nothing at all. But is not this a sudden scheme? Yes, rather, I have been thinking of it some little time. Emma was sure he had not forgiven her. He looked unlike himself. Time, however, she thought, would tell him that they ought to be friends again. While he stood, as if meaning to go, but not going, her father began his inquiries. Well, my dear, and did you get there safely? And how did you find my worthy old friend and her daughter? I dare say they must have been very much obliged to you for coming. Dear Emma has been to call on Mrs. and Miss Bates, Mr. Knightley, as I told you before. She was always so attentive to them. Emma's colour was heightened by this unjust praise, and with a smile and shake of the head, which spoke much, she looked at Mr. Knightley. It seemed as if there were an instantaneous impression in her favour, as if his eyes received the truth from hers, and all that had passed of good in her feelings were at once caught and honoured. He looked at her with a glow of regard. She was warmly gratified, and in another moment still more so, by a little movement of more than common friendliness on his part. He took her hand. Whether she had not herself made the first motion she could not say, she might perhaps have rather offered it, but he took her hand, pressed it, and certainly was on the point of carrying it to his lips, when, from some fancy or other, he suddenly let it go. Why he should feel such a scruple, why he should change his mind when it was all but done, she could not perceive. He would have judged better, she thought, if he had not stopped. The intention, however, was indubitable, and whether it was that his manners were so little gallantry, or however else it happened, but she thought nothing became him more. It was with him of so simple yet so dignified a nature. She could not but recall the attempt with great satisfaction. It spoke such perfect amity. He left them immediately afterwards, gone in a moment. He always moved with the alertness of a mind which could neither be undecided nor dilatory, and seemed more sudden than usual in his disappearance. Emma could not regret her having gone to Miss Bates, but she wished she had left her ten minutes earlier. It would have been a great pleasure to talk over Jane Fairfax's situation with Mr. Knightley. Neither would she regret that he should be going to Brunswick Square, for she knew how much his visit would be enjoyed, but it might have happened at a better time, and to have had longer notice of it in the future. They parted thorough friends, however. She could not be deceived as to the meaning of his countenance and his unfinished gallantry. It was all done to assure her that she had fully recovered his good opinion. He had been sitting with them half an hour, she found. It was a pity that she had not come back earlier. In the hope of diverting her father's thoughts from the disagreeableness of Mr. Knightley's going to London and going on horseback which she knew would be all very bad, Emma communicated her news of Jane Fairfax and her dependence on the effect was justified. It supplied a very useful check interested without disturbing him. He had long made up his mind to Jane Fairfax's going out as governess and could talk of it cheerfully, but Mr. Knightley's going to London had been an unexpected blow. I am very glad indeed, my dear, to hear she is to be so comfortably settled. Mrs. Elton is very good-natured and agreeable and I dare say her acquaintance are just what they ought to be. I hope it is a dry situation and that her health will be taken good care of. It ought to be a first object as I am sure poor Miss Taylor's always was with me. You know, my dear, she is going to be to this new lady what Miss Taylor was to us and I hope she will be better off in one respect and not be induced to go away after it has been her home so long. The following day brought news from Richmond to throw everything else into the background and Express arrived at Randalls to announce the death of Mrs. Churchill. Though her nephew had had no particular reason to hasten back on her account she lived above six and thirty hours after his return. A sudden seizure of a different nature from anything foreboded by her general state had carried her off after a short struggle. The great Mrs. Churchill was no more. It was felt as such things must be felt. Everybody had a degree of gravity and sorrow, tenderness towards the departed, solicitude for the surviving friends and in a reasonable time curiosity to know where she would be buried. Goldsmith tells us that when lovely woman stoops to folly she has nothing to do but to die and when she stoops to be disagreeable it is equally to be recommended as a clearer of ill-fame. Mrs. Churchill after being disliked at least twenty-five years was now spoken of with compassionate allowances. In one point she was fully justified. She had never been admitted before to be seriously ill. The event acquitted her of all the fancifulness and all the selfishness of imaginary complaints. Poor Mrs. Churchill no doubt she had been suffering a great deal more than anybody had ever supposed and continual pain would try the temper. It was a sad event, a great shock. With all her faults what would Mr. Churchill do without her? Mr. Churchill's loss would be dreadful indeed. Mr. Churchill would never get over it. Even Mr. Weston shook his head and looked solemn and said, Ah, poor woman, who would have thought it? and resolved that his mourning should be as handsome as possible and his wife sat sighing and moralizing over her broad hems with a commiseration and good sense, true and steady. How it would affect Frank was among the earliest thoughts of both. It was also a very early speculation with Emma. The character of Mrs. Churchill the grief of her husband her mind glanced over them both with awe and compassion and then rested with lightened feelings on how Frank might be affected by the event, how benefited, how freed. She saw in a moment all the possible good. Now an attachment to Harriet Smith would have nothing to encounter. Mr. Churchill, independent of his wife, was feared by nobody, an easy, guideable man to be persuaded into anything by his nephew. All that remained to be wished was that the nephew should form the attachment as, with all her goodwill in the cause, Emma could feel no certainty of its being already formed. Harriet behaved extremely well on the occasion with great self-command. Whatever she might feel of brighter hope, she betrayed nothing. Emma was gratified to observe such a proof in her of strengthened character and refrained from any illusion that might endanger its maintenance. They spoke therefore of Mrs. Churchill's death with mutual forbearance. Short letters from Frank were received by Mr. Randall's, communicating all that was immediately important of their state and plans. Mr. Churchill was better than could be expected, and their first removal on the departure of the funeral for Yorkshire was to be to the house of a very old friend in Windsor, to whom Mr. Churchill had been promising a visit the last ten years. At present there was nothing to be done for Harriet, good wishes for the future were all that was needed. It was a more pressing concern to show attention to Jane Fairfax whose prospects were closing while Harriet's opened and whose engagements now allowed of no delay in anyone at Highbury who wished to show her kindness. And with Emma it was grown into a first wish. She had scarcely a stronger regret than for her past coldness and the person whom she had been so many months neglecting on whom she would have lavished every distinction of regard or sympathy. She wanted to be of use to her, wanted to show a value for her society, and testify respect and consideration. She resolved to prevail on her to spend a day at Hartfield. A note was written to urge it. The invitation was refused and by a verbal message Miss Fairfax was not well enough to write. And when Mr. Perry called at Hartfield the same morning, it appeared that she was so much indisposed as to have been visited, though against her own consent by himself and that she was suffering under severe headaches and a nervous fever to a degree which made him doubt the possibility of her going to Mrs. Smallridge's at the time proposed. Her health seemed for the moment completely deranged, appetite quite gone and though there were no absolutely alarming symptoms, nothing touching the pulmonary complaint which was the standing apprehension of the family, Mr. Perry was uneasy about her. He thought she had undertaken more than she was equal to and that she felt it so herself though she would not own it. Her spirit seemed overcome. Her present home he could not but observe was unfavorable to a nervous disorder, confined always to one room, he could have wished it otherwise and her good aunt though his very old friend he must acknowledge to be not the best companion for an invalid of that description. Her care and attention could not be questioned. They were in fact only too great. He very much feared that Miss Fairfax derived more evil than good from them. Emma listened with the warmest concern, grieved for her more and more and looked around eager to discover some way of being useful, to take her be it only an hour or two from her aunt, to give her change of air and scene and quiet rational conversation even for an hour or two might do her good. And the following morning she wrote again to say in the most feeling language she could command that she would call for her in the carriage at any hour that Jane would name, mentioning that she had Mr. Perry's decided opinion in favor of such things for his patient. The answer was only in this short note. Miss Fairfax's compliments and thanks but is quite unequal to any exercise. Emma felt that her own note had deserved something better, but it was impossible to quarrel with words whose tremulous inequality showed in disposition so plainly and she thought only of how she might best counteract this unwillingness to be seen or assisted. In spite of the answer therefore she ordered the carriage and drove to Mrs. Bates's in the hope that Jane would be induced to join her, but it would not do. Miss Bates came to the carriage door all gratitude and agreeing with her most earnestly in thinking an airing might be of the greatest service and everything that message could do was tried but all in vain. Miss Bates was obliged to return without success. Jane was quite unpersuadable. The mere proposal of going out seemed to make her worse. Emma wished she could have seen her and tried her own powers, but almost before she could hint the wish Miss Bates made it appear that she had promised her niece on no account to let Miss Woodhouse in. Indeed the truth was that poor dear Jane could not bear to see anybody, anybody at all. Mrs. Elton indeed could not be denied and Mrs. Cole had made such a point and Mrs. Perry had said so much but except them Jane would really see nobody. Emma did not want to be clasped with the Mrs. Elton's the Mrs. Perry's and the Mrs. Cole's who would force themselves anywhere. Neither could she feel any right of preference herself. She submitted therefore and only questioned Miss Bates father as to her niece's appetite and diet which she belonged to be able to assist. On that subject poor Miss Bates was very unhappy and very communicative. Jane would hardly eat anything. Mr. Perry recommended nourishing food but everything they could command and never had anybody such good neighbors was distasteful. Emma on reaching home called the housekeeper directly to an examination of her stores and some arrow root of very superior quality was speedily dispatched to Miss Bates with the most friendly note. In half an hour the arrow root was returned with a thousand thanks for Miss Bates but dear Jane would not be satisfied without its being sent back. It was a thing she could not take and moreover she insisted on her saying that she was not at all in want of anything. When Emma afterwards heard that Jane Fairfax had been seen at some distance from Highbury on the afternoon of the very day on which she had, under the plea of being unequal to any exercise so peremptorily refused to go out with her in the carriage she could have no doubt putting everything together that Jane was resolved to receive no kindness from her. She was sorry very sorry. Her heart was grieved for a state which seemed but the more pityable from this sort of irritation of spirits in consistency of action and inequality of powers and it mortified her that she was given so little credit for proper feeling or esteemed so little worthy as a friend but she had the consolation of knowing that her intentions were good and of being able to say to herself that could Mr. Knightley have been privy to all her attempts of assisting Jane Fairfax could he even have seen into her heart he would not on this occasion have found anything to reprove End of Chapter 9 Recorded in Toronto, Ontario by Moira Fogarty January 2010 Emma by Jane Austen Volume 3, Chapter 10 This is a LibriVox recording All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information and to find out how you can volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Recording by Moira Fogarty Emma by Jane Austen Volume 3, Chapter 10 One morning, about 10 days after Mrs. Churchill's decease Emma was called downstairs to Mr. Weston who could not stay 5 minutes and wanted particularly to speak with her He met her at the parlor door and hardly asking her how she did in the natural key of his voice sunk it immediately to say unheard by her father Can you come to Randall's at any time this morning? Do, if it be possible Mrs. Weston wants to see you She must see you Is she unwell? No, no, not at all Only a little agitated She would have ordered the carriage and come to you, but she must see you alone and that you know she is going towards her father Humph, can you come? Certainly, this moment if you please it is impossible to refuse what you ask in such a way but what can be the matter? Is she really not ill? Depend upon me, but ask no more questions You will know it all in time the most unaccountable business but hush, hush To guess what all this meant was impossible even for Emma Something really important seemed announced by his looks but as her friend was well she endeavored not to be uneasy and settling it with her father that she would take her walk now she and Mr. Weston were soon out of the house together and on their way at a quick pace for Randall's Now, said Emma when they were fairly beyond the sweep gates Now Mr. Weston, do let me know what has happened No, no, he gravely replied Ask me, I promised my wife to leave it all to her She will break it to you better than I can Do not be impatient, Emma It will all come out too soon Break it to me, cried Emma standing still with terror Good God! Mr. Weston, tell me at once Something has happened in Brunswick Square I know it has Tell me I charge you this moment what it is No indeed, you are mistaken Mr. Weston, do not trifle with me Consider how many of my dearest friends are now in Brunswick Square Which of them is it? I charge you by all that is sacred not to attempt concealment Upon my word, Emma Your word? Why not your honour? Why not say upon your honour that it has nothing to do with any of them Oh, good heavens! What can be to be broke to me that does not relate to one of that family? Upon my honour said he very seriously It does not It is not in the smallest degree connected with any human being of the name of nightly Emma's courage returned and she walked on I was wrong, he continued in talking of its being broke to you I should not have used the expression In fact, it does not concern you it concerns only myself that is, we hope Huff In short, my dear Emma there is no occasion to be so uneasy about it I don't say that it is not a disagreeable business but things might be much worse If we walk fast we shall soon be at Randalls Emma found that she must wait and now it required little effort She asked no more questions therefore merely employed her own fancy and that soon pointed out to her the probability of its being some money concern something just come to light of a disagreeable nature in the circumstances of the family something which the late event at Richmond had brought forward Her fancy was very active half a dozen natural children perhaps and poor Frank cut off This though very undesirable would be no matter of agony to her It inspired little more than an animating curiosity Who is that gentleman on horseback said she as they proceeded speaking more to assist Mr Weston in keeping his secret than with any other view I do not know one of the ought ways not Frank, it is not Frank I assure you you will not see him he is half way to Windsor by this time Has your son been with you then Oh yes did not you know well never mind For a moment he was silent and then added in a tone regarded and demure Yes Frank came over this morning just to ask us how we did They hurried on and were speedily at randles Well my dear said he as they entered the room I have brought her and now I hope you will soon be better I shall leave you together there is no use in delay I shall not be far off if you want me and Emma distinctly heard him add in a lower tone before he quitted the room I have been as good as my word she has not the least idea Mrs Weston was looking so ill and had an air of so much perturbation that Emma's uneasiness increased and the moment they were alone she eagerly said What is it my dear friend something of a very unpleasant nature I find has occurred do let me know directly what it is I have been walking all this way with suspense we both abhor suspense do not let mine continue longer it will do you good to speak of your distress whatever it may be Have you indeed no idea said Mrs Weston in a trembling voice cannot you my dear Emma cannot you form a guess as to what you are to hear so far as that it relates to Mr Frank Churchill I do guess you are right it does relate to him and I will tell you directly resuming her work and seeming resolved against looking up he has been here this very morning on a most extraordinary errand it is impossible to express our surprise he came to speak to his father on a subject to announce an attachment she stopped to breathe Emma thought first of herself and then of Harriet more than an attachment indeed resumed Mrs Weston an engagement a positive engagement what will you say Emma what will anybody say when it is known that Frank Churchill and Miss Fairfax are engaged nay that they have been long engaged Emma even jumped with surprise and horror struck exclaimed Jane Fairfax good god you are not serious you do not mean it you may well be amazed returned Mrs Weston still averting her eyes and talking on with eagerness that Emma might have time to recover you may well be amazed but it is even so there has been a solemn engagement between them ever since October formed at Weymouth and kept a secret from everybody not a creature knowing it but themselves neither the Campbells nor her family nor his so perfectly convinced of the fact it is yet almost incredible to myself I can hardly believe it I thought I knew him Emma scarcely heard what was said her mind was divided between two ideas her own former conversations with him about Miss Fairfax and poor Harriet and for some time she could only exclaim and require confirmation repeated confirmation well she said at last trying to recover herself this is a circumstance which I must think of at least half a day before I can at all comprehend it what engage to her all the winter before either of them came to Highbury engaged since October secretly engaged it has hurt me Emma very much it has hurt his father equally some part of his conduct we cannot excuse Emma pondered a moment and then replied I will not pretend not to understand you and to give you all the relief in my power be assured that no such effect has followed his attentions to me as you are apprehensive of Mrs. Weston looked up afraid to believe but Emma's countenance was as steady as her words that you may have less difficulty in believing this boast of my present perfect indifference she continued I will father tell you that there was a period in the early part of our acquaintance when I did like him when I was very much disposed to be attached to him nay was attached and how it came to cease is perhaps the wonder fortunately however it did cease I have really for some time passed for at least these three months cared nothing about him Mrs. Weston this is the simple truth Mrs. Weston kissed her with tears of joy and when she could find utterance assured her that this protestation had done her more good than anything else in the world could do Mr. Weston will be almost as much relieved as myself said she on this point we have been wretched it was our darling wish that you might be attached to each other I have waited that it was so imagine what we have been feeling on your account I have escaped and that I should escape may be a matter of grateful wonder to you and myself but this does not acquit him Mrs. Weston and I must say that I think him greatly to blame what right had he to come among us with affection and faith engaged and with manners so very disengaged what right had he to endeavour to please as he certainly did to distinguish any one young woman with persevering attention as he certainly did while he really belonged to another how could he tell what mischief he might be doing how could he tell that he might not be making me in love with him very wrong very wrong indeed from something that he said my dear Emma I rather imagine and how could she bear such behaviour composure with a witness to look on while repeated attentions were offering to another woman before her face and not resent it that is a degree of placidity which I can neither comprehend nor respect there were misunderstandings between the Emma he said so expressly he had not time to enter into much explanation he was here only a quarter of an hour and in a state of agitation which did not allow full use even of the time he could stay but that there had been misunderstandings he decidedly said the present crisis indeed seemed to be brought on by them and those misunderstandings might very possibly arise from the impropriety of his conduct impropriety oh Mrs. Weston it is too calm a censure much much beyond impropriety it has sunk him I cannot say how it has sunk him in my opinion so unlike what a man should be none of that upright integrity that strict adherence to truth and principle that disdain of trick and littleness which a man should display in every transaction of his life nay dear Emma now I must take his part for though he has been wrong in this instance I have known him long enough to answer for his having many very many good qualities and good God! Emma not attending to her Mrs. Smallridge too Jane actually on the point of going his governess what could he mean by such horrible indelicacy to suffer her to engage herself to suffer her even to think of such a measure he knew nothing about it Emma on this article I can fully acquit him it was a private resolution of hers not communicated to him or at least not communicated in a way to carry conviction till yesterday I know he said he was in the dark as to her plans they burst on him I know not how but by some letter or message and it was the discovery of what she was doing of this very project of hers which determined him to come forward at once own it all to his uncle throw himself on his kindness and in short put an end to the miserable state of concealment that had been carrying on so long Emma began to listen better I am to hear from him soon continued Mrs. Weston he told me a parting that he should soon write and he spoke in a manner which seemed to promise me many particulars that could not be given now let us wait therefore for this letter it may bring many extenuations it may make many things intelligible and excusable which now are not to be understood don't let us be severe don't let us be in a hurry to condemn him let us have patience I must love him and now that I am satisfied on one point the one material point I am sincerely anxious for it's all turning out well and ready to hope that it may they must both have suffered a great deal under such a system of secrecy and concealment his sufferings replied Emma Dryley do not appear to have done him much harm well and how did Mr. Churchill take it most favourably for his nephew gave his consent with scarcely a difficulty conceive what the events of a week have done in that family while poor Mrs. Churchill lived I suppose there could not have been a hope a chance, a possibility but scarcely are her remains at rest in the family vault then her husband is persuaded to act exactly opposite to what she would have required what a blessing it is you influence does not survive the grave he gave his consent with very little persuasion ah thought Emma he would have done as much for Harriet this was settled last night and Frank was off with the light this morning he stopped at Highbury at the Bates's I fancy some time and then came on hither but was in such a hurry to get back to his uncle to whom he is just now more necessary than ever that as I tell you he could stay with us but a quarter of an hour he was very much agitated very much indeed to a degree that made him appear quite a different creature from anything I had ever seen him before in addition to all the rest there had been the shock of finding her so very unwell which he had no previous suspicion of and there was every appearance of his having been feeling a great deal and do you really believe the affair to have been carrying on with such perfect secrecy the Campbell's the Dixon's did none of them know of the engagement Emma could not speak the name of Dixon without a little blush none not one he positively said that it had been known to no being in the world but their two selves well said Emma I suppose we shall gradually grow reconciled to the idea and I wish them very happy but I shall always think at a very abominable sort of proceeding what has it been but a system of hypocrisy and deceit espionage and treachery to come among us with professions of openness and simplicity and such a league and secret to judge us all here have we been the whole winter and spring completely duped fancying ourselves all on an equal footing of truth and honour with two people in the midst of us comparing round, comparing and sitting in judgment on sentiments and words that were never meant for both to hear they must take the consequence if they have heard each other spoken of in a way not perfectly agreeable I am quite easy on that head replied Mrs. Weston I am very sure that I never said anything of either to the other which both might not have heard you are in luck your only blunder was confined to my ear when you imagined a certain friend of ours in love with the lady true but as I have always had a thoroughly good opinion of Miss Fairfax I never could under any blunder have spoken ill of her and as to speaking ill of him there I must have been safe at this moment Mr. Weston appeared at a little distance from the window evidently on the watch his wife gave him a look which invited him in and while he was coming round added now dearest Emma let me entreat you to say and look everything that may set his heart at ease and incline him to be satisfied with the match let us make the best of it and indeed almost everything may be fairly said in her favour it is not a connection to gratify but if Mr. Churchill does not feel that why should we and it may be a very fortunate circumstance for him for Frank I mean touched himself to a girl of such steadiness of character and good judgment as I have always given her credit for and still am disposed to give her credit for in spite of this one great deviation from the strict rule of right and how much may be said in her situation for even that error much indeed cried Emma feelingly if a woman can ever be excused for thinking only of herself it is in a situation like Jane Fairfax's of such one may almost say that the world is not theirs nor the world's law she met Mr. Weston on his entrance with a smiling countenance exclaiming a very pretty trick you have been playing me upon my word this was a device I suppose to sport with my curiosity and exercise my talent of guessing but you really frightened me I thought you had lost half your property at least and here instead of its being a matter of condolence it turns out to be one of congratulation I congratulate you Mr. Weston with all my heart on the prospect of having one of the most lovely and accomplished young women in England for your daughter a glance or two between him and his wife convinced him that all was as right as this speech proclaimed and its happy effect on his spirits was immediate his air and voice covered their usual briskness he shook her heartily and gratefully by the hand and entered on the subject in a manner to prove that he now only wanted time and persuasion to think the engagement no very bad thing his companion suggested only what could palliate imprudence or smooth objections and by the time they had talked it all over together and had talked it all over again with Emma in their walk back to Hartfield he was become perfectly reconciled and not far from thinking it the very best thing that Frank could possibly have done End of Chapter 10 Recorded in Toronto, Ontario by Moira Fogarty January 2010 Emma by Jane Austen Volume 3, Chapter 11 This is a LibriVox recording All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain For more information and to find out how you can volunteer please visit LibriVox.org Recording by Moira Fogarty Emma by Jane Austen Volume 3 Chapter 11 Harriet Poor Harriet Those were the words In them lay the tormenting ideas which Emma could not get rid of and which constituted the real misery of the business to her Frank Churchill had behaved very ill by herself and very ill in many ways but it was not so much his behaviour as her own which made her so angry with him it was the scrape which he had drawn her into on Harriet's account that gave the deepest hue to his offence Poor Harriet to be a second time the dupe of her own misconceptions and flattery Mr Knightley had spoken prophetically when he once said Emma, you have been no friend to Harriet Smith she was afraid she had done her nothing but disservice it was true that she had not to charge herself in this instance as in the former with being the soul and original author of the mischief with having suggested such feelings as might otherwise never have entered Harriet's imagination for Harriet had acknowledged her admiration and preference of Frank Churchill before she had ever given her a hint on the subject but she felt completely guilty of having encouraged what she might have repressed she might have prevented the indulgence and increase of such sentiments her influence would have been enough and now she was very conscious that she ought to have prevented them she felt that she had been risking her friends happiness on most insufficient grounds common sense would have directed her to tell Harriet that she must not allow herself to think of him and that there were 500 chances to one against what she was ever caring for her but with common sense she added I am afraid I have had little to do she was extremely angry with herself if she could not have been angry with Frank Churchill too it would have been dreadful as for Jane Fairfax she might at least relieve her feelings from any present solicitude on her account Harriet would be anxiety enough she need no longer be unhappy about Jane whose troubles and whose ill health having of course the same origin must be equally under cure her days of insignificance and evil were over she would soon be well and happy and prosperous Emma could now imagine why her own attentions had been slighted this discovery laid many smaller matters open no doubt it had been from jealousy in Jane's eyes she had been a rival and well might anything she could offer her persistence or regard be repulsed an airing in the Hartfield carriage would have been the rack and arrow root from the Hartfield store room must have been poison she understood it all and as far as her mind could disengage itself from the injustice and selfishness of angry feelings she acknowledged that Jane Fairfax would have neither elevation nor happiness beyond her dessert but poor Harriet was such an engrossing charge there was little sympathy to be spared for anybody else Emma was sadly fearful that this second disappointment would be more severe than the first considering the very superior claims of the object it ought and judging by its apparently stronger effect on Harriet's mind producing reserve and self-command it would she must communicate the painful truth however and as soon as possible the injunction of secrecy had been among Mr. Weston's parting words for the present the whole affair was to be completely a secret Mr. Churchill had made a point of it as a token of respect to the wife he had so very recently lost and everybody admitted it to be no more than due decorum Emma had promised but still Harriet must be accepted it was her superior duty in spite of her vexation she did not help feeling it almost ridiculous that she should have the very same distressing and delicate office to perform by Harriet which Mrs. Weston had just gone through by herself the intelligence which had been so anxiously announced to her she was now to be anxiously announcing to another her heart beat quick on hearing Harriet's footstep and voice so she supposed had poor Mrs. Weston felt as if approaching Randalls could the event of the disclosure bear an equal resemblance but of that unfortunately there could be no chance well Ms. Woodhouse cried Harriet coming eagerly into the room is not this the oddest news that ever was what news do you mean replied Emma unable to guess by look or voice whether Harriet could indeed have received any hint about Jane Fairfax did you ever hear anything so strange oh you need not be afraid of owning it to me for Mr. Weston has told me himself I met him just now he told me it was to be a great secret and therefore I should not think of mentioning it to anybody but you but he said you knew it what did Mr. Weston tell you said Emma still perplexed oh he told me all about it that Jane Fairfax and Frank Churchill are to be married and that they have been privately engaged to one another this long while how very odd it was indeed so odd Harriet's behavior was so extremely odd that Emma did not know how to understand it her character appeared absolutely changed she seemed to propose showing no agitation or disappointment or peculiar concern in the discovery Emma looked at her and was unable to speak had you any idea cried Harriet of his being in love with her you perhaps might you blushing as she spoke who can see into everybody's heart but nobody else upon my word said Emma I begin to doubt my having any such talent can you seriously ask me Harriet whether I imagine him attached to another woman at the very time that I was tacitly openly encouraging you to give way to your own feelings I never had the slightest suspicion till within the last hour of Mr. Frank Churchill's having the least regard for Jane Fairfax you may be very sure that if I had I should have cautioned you accordingly me cried Harriet colouring and astonished why should you caution me you do not think I care about Mr. Frank Churchill I am delighted to hear you speak so stoutly on the subject replied Emma smiling but you do not mean to deny that there was a time and not very distant either when you gave me reason to understand that you did care about him him never, never dear Miss Woodhouse how could you so mistake me turning away distressed Harriet cried Emma after a moment's pause what do you mean? good heaven what do you mean? mistake you am I to suppose then she could not speak another word her voice was lost and she sat down waiting in great terror till Harriet should answer Harriet who was standing at some distance and with face turned from her did not immediately say anything and when she did speak as Emma's I should not have thought it possible she began that you could have misunderstood me I know we agreed never to name him but considering how infinitely superior he is to everybody else I should not have thought it possible that I could be supposed to mean any other person Mr. Frank Churchill indeed I do not know who would ever look at him in the company of the other I hope I have a better taste than to think of Mr. Frank Churchill who is like nobody by his side and that you should have been so mistaken is amazing I am sure but for believing that you entirely approved and meant to encourage me in my attachment I should have considered it at first too great a presumption almost to dare to think of him at first if you had not told me that more wonderful things had happened that there had been matches of greater disparity that were your very words I should not have dared to give way to I should not have thought it possible but of you who had been always acquainted with him Harriet cried Emma collecting herself resolutely let us understand each other now without the possibility of father mistake are you speaking of Mr. Knightley to be sure I am I never could have an idea of anybody else and so I thought you knew when we talked about him it was as clear as possible not quite returned Emma with forced calmness for all that you then said appeared to me to relate to a different person I could almost assert that you had named Mr. Frank Churchill I am sure the service Mr. Frank Churchill had rendered you in protecting you from the gypsies was spoken of oh Miss Woodhouse how you do forget my dear Harriet I perfectly remember the substance of what I said on the occasion I told you that I did not wonder at your attachment that considering the service he had rendered you it was extremely natural and you agreed to it expressing yourself very warmly as to your sense of that service and mentioning even what your sensations had been in seeing him come forward to your rescue the impression of it is strong on my memory oh dear cried Harriet now I recollect what you mean but I was thinking of something very different at the time it was not the gypsies it was not Mr. Frank Churchill that I meant no with some elevation I was thinking of a much more precious circumstance of Mr. Knightley's coming and asking me to dance when Mr. Elton would not stand up with me and when there was no other partner in the room that was the kind action that was the noble benevolence and generosity that was the service which made me begin to feel how superior he was to every other being upon earth good god cried Emma this has been a most unfortunate most deplorable mistake what is to be done you would not have encouraged me then if you had understood me at least however I cannot be worse off than I should have been if the other had been the person and now it is possible she paused a few moments Emma could not speak I do not wonder Miss Woodhouse she resumed that you should feel a great difference between the two as to me or as to anybody you must think one five hundred million times more above me than the other but I hope Miss Woodhouse that's opposing that if strange as it may appear but you know they were your own words that more wonderful things had happened matches of greater disparity had taken place than between Mr. Frank Churchill and me and therefore it seems as if such a thing even as this may have occurred before and if I should be so fortunate beyond expression as to if Mr. Knightley should really if he does not mind the disparity I hope dear Miss Woodhouse you will not set yourself against it and try to put difficulties in the way but you are too good for that I am sure Harriet was standing at one of the windows Emma turned round to look at her in consternation and hastily said have you any idea of Mr. Knightley's returning your affection yes replied Harriet modestly but not fearfully I must say that I have Emma's eyes were instantly withdrawn and she sat silently meditating in a fixed attitude for a few minutes a few minutes were sufficient for making her acquainted with her own heart a mind like hers once opening to suspicion made rapid progress she touched she acknowledged the whole truth why was it so much worse that Harriet should be in love with Mr. Knightley than with Frank Churchill why was the evil so dreadfully increased by Harriet's having some hope of a return it darted through her with the speed of an arrow that Mr. Knightley must marry no one but herself her own conduct as well as her own heart was before her in the same few minutes she saw it all with a clearness which had never blessed her before how improperly she had been acting by Harriet how inconsiderate how indelicate how irrational how unfeeling had been her conduct what blindness what madness had led her on it struck her with dreadful force and she was ready to give it every bad name in the world some portion of respect for herself however in spite of all these demerits some concern for her own appearance and a strong sense of justice by Harriet there would be no need of compassion to the girl who believed herself loved by Mr. Knightley but justice required that she should not be made unhappy by any coldness now gave Emma the resolution to sit and endure farther with calmness with even apparent kindness for her own advantage indeed it was fit that the utmost extent of Harriet's hopes should be inquired into and Harriet had done nothing to forfeit the regard and interest which had been so voluntarily formed and maintained or to deserve to be slighted by the person whose counsels had never led her right rousing from reflection therefore and subduing her emotion she turned to Harriet again and in a more inviting accent renewed the conversation next to the subject which had first introduced it the wonderful story of Jane Fairfax that was quite sunk and lost neither of them thought but of Mr. Knightley and themselves Harriet who had been standing in no unhappy reverie was yet very glad to be called from it by the now encouraging manner of such a judge and such a friend as Miss Woodhouse and only wanted invitation to give the history of her hopes a great though trembling delight Emma's tremblings as she asked and as she listened were better concealed than Harriet's but they were not less her voice was not unsteady but her mind was in all the perturbation that such a development of self such a burst of threatening evil such a confusion of sudden and perplexing emotions must create she listened with much inward suffering but with great outward patience to Harriet's detail methodical or well arranged or very well delivered it could not be expected to be but it contained when separated from all the feebleness and tautology of the narration a substance to sink her spirit especially with the corroborating circumstances which her own memory brought in favor of Mr. Knightley's most improved opinion of Harriet Harriet had been conscious of a difference in his behavior ever since those two decisive dances Emma knew that he had on that occasion found her much superior to his expectation from that evening or at least from the time of Miss Woodhouse's encouraging her to think of him Harriet had begun to be sensible of his talking to her much more than he had been used to do and of having indeed quite a different manner towards her a manner of kindness and sweetness laterally she had been more and more aware of it when they had been all walking together he had so often come and walked by her and talked so very delightfully he seemed to want to be acquainted with her Emma knew it to have been very much the case she had often observed the change to almost the same extent Harriet repeated expressions of approbation and praise from him and Emma felt them to be in the closest agreement that she had known of his opinion of Harriet he praised her for being without art or affectation for having simple, honest generous feelings she knew that he saw such recommendations in Harriet he had dwelt on them to her more than once much that lived in Harriet's memory many little particulars of the notice she had received from him a look, a speech a removal from one chair to another a compliment implied a preference inferred had been unnoticed because unsuspected by Emma circumstances that might swell to half an hour's relation and contained multiplied proofs to her who had seen them had passed undissurbed by her who now heard them but the two latest occurrences to be mentioned the two of strongest promise to Harriet were not without some degree of witness from Emma herself the first was walking with her apart from the others in the lime-walk at Donwell where they had been walking some time before Emma came and he had taken pains as she was convinced to draw her from the rest to himself and at first he had talked to her in a more particular way than he had ever done before in a very particular way indeed Harriet could not recall it without a blush he seemed to be almost asking her whether her affections were engaged but as soon as she Miss Woodhouse appeared likely to join them he changed the subject and began talking about farming the second was his having sat talking with her nearly half an hour before Emma came back from her visit the very last morning of his being at Hartfield though when he first came in he had said that he could not stay five minutes and his having told her during their conversation that though he must go to London it was very much against his inclination that he left home at all which was much more as Emma felt than he had acknowledged to her the superior degree of confidence towards Harriet which this one article marked gave her severe pain on the subject of the first of the two circumstances she did after a little reflection venture the following question might he not is not it possible that when inquiring as you thought into the state of your affections he might be alluding to Mr. Martin he might have Mr. Martin's interest in view but Harriet rejected the suspicion with spirit Mr. Martin no indeed there was not a hint of Mr. Martin I hope I know better now than to care for Mr. Martin or to be suspected of it when Harriet had closed her evidence she appealed to her dear Miss Woodhouse to say whether she had not good ground for hope I never should have presumed to think of it at first said she but for you you told me to observe him carefully and let his behaviour be the rule of mine and so I have but now I seem to feel that I may deserve him and that if he does choose me it will not be anything so very wonderful the bitter feelings occasioned by this speech the many bitter feelings made the utmost exertion necessary on Emma's side to enable her to say on reply Harriet I will only venture to declare that Mr. Knightley is the last man in the world who would intentionally give any woman the idea of his feeling for her more than he really does Harriet seemed ready to worship her friend for a sentence so satisfactory and Emma was only saved from raptures and fondness which at that moment would have been dreadful penance by the sound of her father's footsteps he was coming through the hall Harriet was too much agitated to encounter him she could not compose herself Mr. Woodhouse would be alarmed she had better go with most ready encouragement from her friend therefore she passed off through another door and the moment she was gone this was the spontaneous burst of Emma's feelings God that I had never seen her the rest of the day the following night were hardly enough for her thoughts she was bewildered amidst the confusion of all that had rushed on her within the last few hours every moment had brought a fresh surprise and every surprise must be a matter of humiliation to her how to understand it all how to understand the deceptions she had been thus practicing on herself and living under the blunders, the blindness of her own head and heart she sat still she walked about she tried her own room she tried the shrubbery in every place, every posture she perceived that she had acted most weekly that she had been imposed on by others in a most mortifying degree that she had been imposing on herself in a degree yet more mortifying that she was wretched day but the beginning of wretchedness to understand, thoroughly understand her own heart was the first endeavor to that point went every leisure moment which her father's claims on her allowed and every moment of involuntary absence of mind how long had Mr. Knightley been so dear to her as every feeling declared him now to be when had his influence such influence begun when had he succeeded to that place in her affection which Frank Churchill had once for a short period occupied she looked back she compared the two compared them as they had always stood in her estimation from the time of the latter's becoming known to her and as they must at any time have been compared by her had it oh had it by any blessed felicity occurred to her to institute the comparison she saw that there never had been a time when she did not consider Mr. Knightley as infinitely the superior or when his regard for her had not been infinitely the most dear she saw that in persuading herself in fancying, in acting to the contrary she had been entirely under a delusion totally ignorant of her own heart and in short that she had never really cared for Frank Churchill at all this was the conclusion of the first series of reflection this was the knowledge of herself on the first question of inquiry which she reached and without being long in reaching it she was most sorrowfully indignant ashamed of every sensation but the one revealed to her her affection for Mr. Knightley every other part of her mind was disgusting within sufferable vanity she had believed herself in the secret of everybody's feelings with unpardonable arrogance proposed to arrange everybody's destiny she was proved to have been universally mistaken and she had not quite done nothing for she had done mischief she had brought evil on Harriet on herself and she too much feared on Mr. Knightley were this most unequal of all connections to take place on her must rest all the reproach of having given it a beginning for his attachment she must believe to be produced only by a consciousness of Harriet's and even were this not the case he would never have known Harriet at all but for her folly Mr. Knightley and Harriet Smith it was a union to distance every wonder of the kind the attachment of Frank Churchill and Jane Fairfax became commonplace threadbare stale in the comparison exciting no surprise no disparity affording nothing to be said or thought Mr. Knightley and Harriet Smith such an elevation on her side such a debasement on his it was horrible to Emma to think how it must sink him in the general opinion to foresee the smiles the sneers the merriment it would prompt at his expense the mortification and disdain of his brother the thousand inconveniences to himself could it be no it was impossible and yet it was far very far from impossible was it a new circumstance for a man of first rate abilities to be captivated by very inferior powers was it new for one perhaps too busy to seek to be the prize of a girl who would seek him was it new for anything in this world to be unequal inconsistent incongruous or for chance and circumstance as second causes to direct the human fate oh had she never brought Harriet forward had she left her where she ought and where he had told her she ought had she not with a folly which no tongue could express prevented her marrying the unexceptionable young man who would have made her happy and respectable in the line of life to which she ought to belong all would have been safe none of this dreadful sequel would have been how Harriet could ever have the presumption to raise her thoughts to Mr. Knightley how she could dare to fancy herself the chosen of such a man till actually assured of it but Harriet was less humble had fewer scruples than formerly her inferiority whether of mind or situation seemed little felt she had seemed more sensible of Mr. Elton's being to stoop in marrying her than she now seemed of Mr. Knightley's alas was not that her own doing too who had been at pains to give Harriet notions of self consequence but herself who but herself had taught her that she was to elevate herself if possible and that her claims were great to a high worldly establishment if Harriet from being humble were grown vain it was her doing too End of Chapter 11 Recorded in Toronto, Ontario by Moira Fogarty January 2010