 The 21 Convention Tampa, Florida, we have alumni speaker as well as a featured guest on the 21 Convention podcast and the officiant for the officiant, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but for Anthony and Mary Lee's wedding, which I was so actually like honored to also be a part of, man, let's bring on Greg Swan to the stage, self-adoration, man, I can't wait to hear it. Thank you so much. Steve Mayetta, hardworking dog, he was the master of ceremonies at the wedding, he was charming, affable, extroverted, full of the spirit of connection, Steve believes in connection. So who's tired? Who's worn out? Come on, you can raise your hands. You're really worn out? You feel like you've been trying to drink from a fire hose? Yeah? So we're going to do a little biohack and so you get to stand up, everybody will stand up. Okay, I want three minutes on the clock, so tell me when to start. Okay so what you're going to do is you're going to raise your hands all the way up like this, as high as you can get them. We're doing a biohack here, yesterday Dr. McGuff took this away from me, there's a TED talk about using your body to bump your testosterone levels, to cut your cortisol levels, it is done by a lady, a doctor, Amy Cutty or Abby Cutty, I'll tell you that my name for her is Point Extra Barbie. She's an INTJ academic, really attractive, really good looking. You can tell she's an introvert because she's naturally shy and she's trying to overcome it, what you've been learning. So your hands are up here if you want to, you can hook your fingers together, you can lock them together and put some strength on there, take it slow the way that Drew Baye told you to do, take it slow, this is your putting stress on the muscles without even doing anything, you're not moving the machine, you're just fighting against it, you can release them if you want to, you can praise the sun god, you can be like Atlas at Rockefeller Center and hold the whole world in your hand, if you want to you can be Mr. Universe, do those kind of poses, that's the other kind of self-adoration, the kind I don't talk about. One of the things, I do this with my wife, we frequently make love in the morning, I'm not like Steve, I don't actually get the job done every day because I'm driven and I have other things to do, but we frequently make love in the morning because your best direction of the day is when you just woke up, I don't even do it when I just woke up, I'm up three or four hours, but when she just wakes up, we do this with the Memphis Soul radio station on Pandora and we stand there and we dance and her hands are up in the air because I want her testosterone up, I want her cortisol down and I want her dancing with me and I also kind of like the display, it's good to look at, my hands are up but my eyes might be down. Another way, another way that we do this, if you think about the fountain head, I don't remember in the fountain head movie if they ever showed the statue of Dominique, but the way I think of the statue of Dominique in the fountain head is from the book and it's her standing like this, Robert Browning said your reach should exceed your grasp, I don't love what he said next so I'm not going to repeat it, but literally it's true that if you're trying to get something on the top shelf of the closet you can reach it, you can knock at it but you can't quite grab it, but it's also a metaphor for life that what you can do today should be get clipped by what you managed to get done tomorrow because tomorrow you're going to be better, right? So we can do the Dominique if you want to, I wrote a song for this, do the Dominique, yeah do the Dominique, so first we're swaying side to side and then we're dancing cheek to cheek, everybody do the Dominique, what's the point of this? You're stretching your body, you're putting air in your lungs, you're raising your testosterone level, you're lowering your cortisol level, it takes time to do this, in the TED Talk she says two minutes, we did three minutes because my attitude is anything worth doing is worth overdoing, nothing exceeds like excess within limits, do not presume that if three minutes is better, 30 minutes must be even better, no you will exhaust yourself and you probably won't have sex either, so anyway here's me, I am Greg Swan, that bit.ly address will take you to my about page at selfederation.com which has links to everything that I want you to know about me, a lot of links, pursue them at your leisure, I have a little poem there that I wrote, I know why, I can help, I repay effort, I grow regardless, if you attend to what I say, I think you will do better with your lives, if you don't, I don't care and it's not that I don't care about you, it's just that I'm a driven personality, we'll talk about what that means and that means I'm going to do what I'm going to do regardless of what you do, I hope you learn from me, I hope you do better, I hope you do better regardless of whether you learn from me but what you do is your business, I can't eat for you, I can't digest for you, I can't eliminate for you, I can't think for you, I can't choose for you and I refuse to take responsibility for you, all of these things are yours to manage and the way that you manage them and how successful you manage them is your business, I want you to do better whether or not you do is up to you, so everybody does the product last, I'm doing the product first, I spoke at the 21 convention in 2012, I had written a book April 8th, 2012, I released Man of Life, it's available for free at Self-Federation.com, you can grab it right now and it's a three hour read maybe, it's long, 32,000 words, not real long, a normal book is about 80, 90,000 words, so it's a short book, I was writing a short book that people could read quickly because even if people acquire books or buy them they never read them, I want to make my books as painless as possible to read, in any case, Anthony Johnson, the founder of the Feast, read that book and liked it, one of the things he liked is chapter 10 where I really kind of go after the idea of game and not in a nice way at all, I will be honest with you, I was trying to provoke people like Roush V, Roy C, Chateau Hartiste, Alpha Game, AlphaGamePlan.com or whatever, I don't even know what the name of these sites are, but he goes by the name Vox Day, it's literally supposed to be Vox Day if you know how to pronounce Latin, Vox Dei, which means the voice of God, and anybody who says he's the voice of God is somebody who's worth provoking in my opinion, but it didn't work, that didn't work, but I did attract the attention of Anthony Johnson and to this I say thank God, not because I believe in God, but because I believe in being grateful and I am eminently grateful to Anthony Johnson for reading this book and for trusting me enough to speak at the 21 convention, for investing a whole lot of faith in me since then, bringing a whole lot of attention to me, for sharing your minds with me, people keep saying, oh, I love to hear the things you say, you say things so memorably, you better believe I do, that's what I want to do, my goal is to get in your head and stay there, not tomorrow, not next week, not next month, not next year for the rest of your life, if I can be one of the people that you happen to be thinking of on your death bed, when you know you are dying, you will revisit your memories, I can't promise you that I'll be there, but I really would like to be there in your memories, there will be teachers that you remember, teachers from high school in particular, that you will remember 50, 60 years from now when you are dying, I want to get in your head, even if you don't remember my name, even if you don't remember me, I want you to remember the things I say, and that's why I do what I do. So in any case, Man Alive was a book that I published in 2012, and it is available for free, and it will always be available for free, and why is it available for free? Because I want 7 billion people to read it. Only 3 billion have access to it so far. I have no idea how many people have downloaded it, because I don't even have a counter on the page. I don't ask for your email address, I don't have a counter on the page. I have no idea how many people have read it, but I want 7 billion people to read it. I want to free the Earth 7 billion. That's my bumper sticker. Free the Earth 7 billion. Like free the Chicago 7, now screw that. Free the Earth 7 billion. Earlier this year I published a book called Father's Day. I have talked to a number of divorced fathers this weekend. Father's Day will explain their divorce. If you are a younger man, you may relate to it as a way of understanding the failure of your parent's marriage. But also if you're a younger man, it is an excellent book to read to find out what not to do in order not to wreck your marriage. This is, all of my books are on sale right now. That bitly address will take you there. These are Kindle books are on sale for 99 cents. If you want to buy the paper books, you can. I think it is a needless extravagance, but I will happily spend your money. In the meantime, 99 cents is the least I can charge at Amazon. And so that's why they're on sale for 99 cents. I published a book earlier this year called Nine Empathies. Nine Empathies? How could there be nine Empathies? I can name a whole lot more than nine. These are the nine that I think are most significant. We're going to talk about empathy strategies. We're going to continue with that. But that book is also available for free. The book that we're going to talk about today, I just released about a month ago. I don't even remember. It's not that long ago. It's called Shiley's Delight Work, Play, and Love Like a Labrador. We're going to talk about Shiley's Delight today. And Shiley's Delight is free right now. It's been free all weekend. And it is free today and tomorrow. And I encourage you to get it. This is a very short book. It's about 17,000 words. You can read it in 45 minutes. And it's intended to be read. It's full of charts. And it's intended to be very quick, very dense, and I hope very comprehensive. Really practically speaking, I could have made it twice or three times the length and cut the readership by 90%. The reason it's as short as it is is because I want you to read it. And if you need to fill in gaps, you'll have to fill them in yourself. But I'm going to give you the means to do that. What we're going to talk about today is a very old idea called the disk personality assessment. Personality assessments in general have a nasty reputation. We start with the zodiac. You're required to do this. You're required to do that. I'm a Scorpio. Whatever the hell that means. Anya Graham is another one. My wife is enamored of Anya Graham, and I have no idea why. It makes absolutely no sense to me, but she thinks it's very valuable. I've been talking to a lot of people this weekend about Briggs Myers. This is INTJ, ESTJ, ENFP, that personality assessment. Briggs Myers, whether or not it is scientifically valid or even amenable to scientific validation, it's easy to take the test. And when you get the results, if you come up, for instance, INTJ, which is what I am, other people who are also INTJ will think like you do. That's the benefit of it. It comes out of the theories of Carl Jung and then was developed from there. Much of psychology is Hockham and based in inference and really isn't subject to reasonable validation. But nevertheless, by doing the Briggs Myers assessment, you will find out how you think. Briggs Myers will tell you how you think. What's interesting about disk is disk will teach you how you choose. And therefore it's much more useful to me. The other thing that's useful about disk is it's something you can do on the fly and I'm gonna teach you how to do it on the fly. And from now on, I want you to do it all the time with everyone that you meet. Because once you understand the disk motivations, you'll understand what you're up against when you're engaging with other people for whatever reason. If it's dating, if it's a job situation, if it's a romantic relationship, if you're trying to negotiate with your children, if you're trying to get your parents to back off, understanding their motivations will inform your own actions. It will illuminate what you should do, the path that you should take in order to achieve the persuasive outcome that you're looking for. So these are just words denoting disk types. I'm using the classic disk denominations in the left-hand column there. Dominance, inducement, submission, compliance. Dominance, another way of saying it is driver. I have that in the second column. My way of thinking of dominances, do it, do it, done, done, done. Natural leaders are naturally dominant. That's what makes them natural leaders. The dominant personality characteristic is one that I particularly admire in myself and in no one else. Because I don't wanna be dominated. I don't mind at all dominating you, but I don't wanna be dominated at all. Inducement is also often referred to as influence. I use the term image in the second column there. I use these, the second column are the terms that I used in nine empathies. People who are of the eye type care about their reputation. They care about a claim. They care about appreciation. They care about your response to them. And what they're looking for is a positive response. The ideal response is fascination. Can't look away. The third type, submission. I use sociability in nine empathies. The fourth type, compliance. Conscientiousness, you hear a lot. Computational is one I'm using there. Cs are, you're gonna run into all the time. You're gonna run into Ds and Cs all the time. These are the people that you're gonna be looking up to. That you're gonna be taking orders from our Ds and Cs, typically. The characteristic that will jog your memory about the Cs is that when you were in high school, the Cs, the cautious personalities, the computational personalities, the conscientious personalities, they were the people who read all the work in advance, who did all the homework, who were completely prepared and who were endlessly dismayed at everyone else for not being prepared. The terms that I use in Shiley's Delight, I think are better. And that's why I made an effort to think of terms that I thought would be better. And what's better about them is they describe these disc types in the way that the particular person sees himself. So I love that term driven. I love D words in general. I'm really happily a D. I'm a very high D and every way you can measure D, I am driven, driven, driven. My other business card, you saw my business card there, my poet business card, but my work business card says, devoted, dedicated, determined. I love D words. But I am very driven. I like to think of myself as being driven. The I type I note by incandescent because that really is the secret to the I personality type is I seem to glow. When they're happy, when they're getting the results they're looking for, they seem to glow. The gentlemen who have been talking to you about how to pick up girls in bars are teaching you how to pick up incandescence. Another name for incandescence in bars is what, Socrates? Say it. Attention whores. He didn't say it, I did. I don't mean to criticize incandescence. Incandescence are preternaturally valuable in sales and marketing positions. The people who win the sales contests every month are the ones who can smile, smile, smile, who can keep doing it. He can keep hammering away at it. The people who are gonna be very successful at picking up incandescent women in bars are incandescent men, like our friend. Well, who is, can you name somebody that you saw speak this weekend who was an incandescent? I can think of two. Can you think of anyone? Feel free to shout gentlemen. The reason that you stood up was to get air in your lungs. Go ahead. Who is incandescent among the people that we saw? Sasha I think was the most incandescent speaker this weekend. The other one was Alexander who you just saw. Sasha, would you say you're naturally extroverted? Naturally introverted. This is a common characteristic among the speakers that you see talking game, talking PUA is that they were introverted guys who got sick of the results they got by being introverted. I am an INTJ. The first letter is I. I am an introvert. Would you guess that I'm an introvert? How many people have I talked to this week? I wanna congratulate you guys. A lot of you guys came up to me and introduced yourself to me. But if there was anybody that I wanted to talk to, assert yourself. If there's somebody you wanna hear from, assert yourself. No, I'm naturally introverted. And one of the ways you can tell you're at a cafeteria, you've got your tray, you're all alone at a cafeteria, you just got your tray, you just paid for your stuff. You're looking for a place to sit down. There are occupied tables over here with empty seats. There are empty tables over there. Which one do you go to? If you're going to the occupied table, hey, can I join you guys? I just wanted to sit down and talk to some people. You're an extrovert. If you're looking for that empty table all the way over in the corner, so you can be alone with yourself, you're an introvert. And what will happen to you when you do that? Someone like Steve Mayetta will take pity on you because he will say, oh my God, that guy's all alone. He needs some company. Extroverts don't get introverts. Introverts get extroverts because they have to. We're in the minority and we are assailed. The thing that we're trying to get away from is the thing that the extroverts are always trying to bring to us. I'm an introvert. By nature, I'm an introvert. Is Edward Drews in the room? Yeah, there he is. I couldn't find you. What is Edward Drews? I have these four types. What is he? Shout it out. D? D? Who said C? Yeah, you're not fair. You heard me talking to him. Edward is a C. He told you again and again and again. His bookish past, how much he read. Every time he needs to meet someone, he reads everything there is. Who reads all the material in advance? The C's do. He reads all the material in advance. He watches the video yesterday. I talked to him after his speech. He said, oh yeah, I watched your presentation in 2012 when you did the extrovert introvert thing. I went up to ask him. I asked him. I just did it with Don Watkins a few minutes ago because I wasn't quite sure. So I went to ask him a couple of critical questions and boom, then I've got it. I really wasn't sure. And the reason I wasn't sure is because Edward is working very hard to gain strength where he's weak. This is the advice you've been getting from the pickup coaches too, is to work very hard to gain strength where you're weak. This is a room full of cautious temperaments. Am I wrong? Bookish, studious, how many EECS, how many computer science majors, how many programmers, a couple of you, three, four, how many people read all the homework, did real well in science and math in school. Expected to be appreciated by everybody else in the high school environment for all the work that you put in and were continuously dismayed that you never got the social reward. I worked my ass off and nobody cared. And this asshole showed up at the last minute, completely unprepared and everybody thought he was great. This is what the extroverts got. That's what they got. And the introverts end up making very nice money and that's your compensation. Who would you say among the speakers that we've heard this weekend is sociable? This is so easy. Steve is sociable. That if you go to Steve and say, Steve, it is absolutely necessary for us to kill everyone on earth right now. Steve will say, yeah, that's the right way to make connection. We need to make those connections. Steve is always thinking about making connections and because he is, he's not really thinking about anything else. And none of this is a criticism. Do you understand that none of this is a criticism? You are who you are and people don't fit into comfortable little boxes and yet we can sort people, generally speaking, we can sort people into these categories. Most people will be very strongly one of these motivations. I think everyone is really very strongly one of these motivations. I have a challenge for you. What's Socrates? D-I-S-C, which is he? C? Socrates is an architect. It requires a lot of detail, right? But, Ayn Rand said, architecture is an art, a science and a business. So in addition to being a master of detail, he also has to be a master of getting things done to have plans as one thing. Causious computational people will talk about this. They like to plan things, but they like to plan things so much that they have a real hard time pulling the trigger. They don't really like to execute things. D's like things done, even if they're not perfect. C's like things perfect, even if they're not done. So now we've got SOC in the C category, possibly, in the D category, possibly. Is Socrates, does he exhibit anything that you would call incandescence? Does he try to draw attention to himself? Other than when he's on a stage like this, is he trying to draw attention to himself? No, not too much, right? He's very good when he has to be. And this is what I talked about in 2012, too. Is Socrates an introvert or an extrovert? You guys have all talked to him this weekend. He's been very valuable. He's been very available. Is he an introvert or an extrovert? Introvert or an extrovert? He's an introvert. Who is working very hard to exhibit the habits of mind that come naturally to extroverts. So which of these is Socrates? Does anybody have an opinion now? Which one is he? David Brody, which one is he? You've got my notes right next to you. Sox got my notes in front of him. What? He's a C. You're betting C, anybody have any other bets? You say D, any others? We've eliminated I, that's a gimme. Any others? Socrates is an S. Socrates is naturally sociable. And the way that you tell, Socrates is very much a chameleon in the sense that he exhibits a lot of these characteristics. He's incandescent when he needs to be. He's driven at work naturally. The work he does requires a lot of the cautious temperament because nobody wants the building crashing down around their ears. You have to plan appropriately. But when push comes to shove, when Socrates has to make a difficult decision, he will always decide in the favor of the relationships. And frankly, one way you have of knowing is because his girlfriend is right beside him right now. He doesn't have his hands on her. She may have her hands on him, but they are inseparable. You've seen that all weekend. They are inseparable. They're always together. Socrates is naturally sociable. We talked about this yesterday. And I don't know if you, maybe Friday, I don't remember. I don't know if you wanted to bite my head off or not. And Socrates is so introverted and so little and incandescent that he's mortified that I'm drawing attention to him. And I don't mean to, I'm not ridiculing him, certainly not. I think of other presentations we saw this weekend and we saw some remarkable presentations of the presentations we saw this weekend, I thought his was the best, by far the best. Both in terms of the way he did it, yes, do, applaud. Both in terms of the way he did it, but especially the intellectual content. And that's why it's beneficial to have a lot of cautious in his temperament, a lot of driven in his temperament. But again, what was he talking to you about? He was talking to you about managing relationships. That's what's important to Socrates. And frankly, get invited to his house. He lives in a beautiful house that he designed himself, but he will happily invite you over because he loves having guests. He loves having company. He loves sharing ideas with people and he's really not defensive about it at all. He's not pushy with his ideas and he doesn't resent other people for having ideas that are different from his own. This is one of the other ways that we have of knowing that he's not terribly cautious because this is one of the characteristics of the cautious temperament. These are the motivations of the four disc types. Drivens care about accomplishment more than anything else. Do it, do it, done, done, done. And when I say done, done, done, I mean yesterday, not tomorrow. If I have to settle for today, I will, but I much prefer yesterday. Incandescent's care about appreciation. Sociable's care about affection more than anything else. Steve had it again. And his wife is here too. And his baby is here. And when Steve says something that his baby needs to react to, God damn it, his baby reacts to it. His baby is right there to chime in with the comment at exactly the most appropriate moments. I mean this, I don't believe in synchronicity or action at a distance or anything at all like that, but little Esteban made me believe it today because he was right there, right on time with the right comment at just the right moment. The cautious personality cares about accountability more than anything else. And that's a real good way to think about it. I made these all As because we're talking about a self-help book. So I thought it should have one of those characteristics of a self-help book. These are the motivations of the four types. This all came out of work that I did for the book Nine Empathies. I owe the book Nine Empathies to Anthony Johnson because Anthony Johnson asked me to think about Stefan Malinu, which was really not a very pleasant experience for me, but I learned a whole lot from it. I do not care about Stefan Malinu's stated philosophy as far as I'm concerned. Everything that Stefan Malinu calls a philosophy, he stole from Ayn Rand and Murray Rothbard, borrowed, learned from. I don't mean to imply that the man stole anything, but I don't think he's originated anything new, whatever. And I haven't paid enough attention to know or care. I really don't care. I got interested in Stefan Malinu because Anthony asked me to look into the idea of defuing, which means flushing all of your lifelong storagic relationships. Storagic love is the enduring love of families, the love that your dog feels for you, the love that your dog feels for you that he doesn't feel for the bitch he was sniffing after 15 minutes ago. A male dog humps the bitch and forgets about it. The female dog gets puppies and she shows love for them and tell their weaned and as soon as they're gone she forgets about them, but her pack or his pack, that's a storagic love. And if you wanna see the love of families in its most perfect form, look at the way your dog feels about you. Your dog will never leave you. Your dog is not shopping. Your dog is not looking for a better family to move in with, not looking for a better food supply. The fact of the matter is you could be living in a mansion today and a hovel tomorrow and your dog will be happy to be with you in either place. It won't mean a goddamn thing to the dog as long as you're together. That's storagic love. Again, I invite you to look at Socrates and Mary Frances sitting side by side. These empathy, so in any case to tie up Stefan Malinu, what I realized about Stefan Malinu was what he does, the way that he interposes himself between his victims and their families, consists of an act of extreme empathy. And if you read the popular scientific literature on empathy, you'll always hear bullies have no empathy. Sociopaths have no empathy. Psychopaths have no empathy. Malignant narcissists, that's like the worst of the malignant narcissists have no empathy. Well, this is ridiculous. If you remember the bully from grade school, the bully who gave you the nickname that your Jackass friends still call you from time to time, how did that bully know all your secrets? How did he know how to torment you so perfectly? How did he know to reveal everything you didn't want revealed? How did he know to give you the absolutely perfect nickname that your friends would still remember 20, 30, 50 years later? How did he do that? He did it with empathy. And when you think of empathy, you think, oh, he's so nice. He shows so much empathy. This is a mammalian form of empathy. This is exactly the kind of empathy that your dog feels for you, that your dog feels for every other dog you have in the house, maybe also the cats you have in the house. This is a mutually rewarding kind of empathy. The dog displays affection toward you in anticipation of reaping affection from you. There is another kind of empathy. I call it reptilian empathy. This is the theory of the triune brain, and I'm not willing to defend this in any, and with any sort of scientific rigor, the neuroscientists will argue with this and they'll argue about anything, and the fact of the matter is, we saw it today with the weight training. People will quibble about anything, and as soon as the quibbling starts, I stop listening because I'm driven. I don't have time to be bored. But there is a reptilian style of empathy, and I will give you a way of thinking about it from the mammalian world, from the world of simians, when a Bonobos monkey or a, what are they, orangutan, when a male orangutan does this, huh, huh, huh, what is it? What is that? It's a challenge display, right? And it's interesting because it's not authentic. It's not authentic display behavior. It is feigned display behavior. It is a fake display. The monkey is doing this not because he wants to have a fight, maybe because he doesn't want to have a fight. He wants you to surrender without a fight. And so he puts on a martial display in order to get you to back down. This is the birth of art, as far as I'm concerned, that father tongue conceptual language is what I call it. His father tongue requires words, but this is really the birth of poetry among human animals was the first time that a human being realized that he could put on a fake display and scare the bad guy away, getting him to leave the undefended woman alone. And what happened immediately afterward? The very first instance of mutually consensual copulation. That good guy puts on the display. This is white knighting. This is mate guarding essentially. Puts on an effected display. I'm going to affect a martial challenge that I really don't want to follow through on. I hope I don't have to follow through on and therefore it's feigned, it's faked. But the bad guy thinks it's real. And so he decides to surrender and run away rather than taking up the challenge and fighting over the girl. And then the girl says, oh you saved me, I'm so grateful, let's make love. That's the first instance of mutually conceptual copulation. But these are the way those strategies play out. So sociables are completely mammalian. They're mammalian in their display behavior. They display affection in hopes of reaping affection. They're pursuing affection by means of an affectionate display. I think this is what, if there's anything natural to human beings, man is an artifact, man is a man-made thing. Because of this, because of our rational conceptual ability, everything that we do is affected, is artful, in the sense that that challenge display was artful. We had to think about it in order to do it. If we were not thinking animals, we would be like other mammals. We would display affection to our kin and pack members in anticipation of reaping affection from them. And this is very definitely the social strategy. It's 100% mammalian and it's empathy strategies. The cautious strategy by contrast is 100% reptilian. That the cautious greet by aggression. It has come to our attention. Please respond immediately. According to our files, according to our records, can I see your resume? This is one thing that I talked about with Edward Drews, that he got hired at 15 by looking like a guy who could get the job done. That anybody who showed up at a business run by a cautious temperament at age 15, would they would say, get the hell out of here, kid. We'll see you in 10 years. Come back with an education. Where's your resume? Where's your degree? How are we gonna brag about your education when you have none? Matthew Hussey wasn't looking for an education. He was looking for results. And therefore I know that Matthew Hussey is driven, not cautious. I know that by the fact that he hired a 15-year-old kid. That's impressive to me, frankly. That's very impressive to me. The cautious strategy is reptilian and reptilian. The driven strategy is really interesting. Drivens greet by affection in pursuit of production and pursuit of abundance. This is a reptilian goal. We're not looking for affection. We're looking for stuff, for lucre, for wealth. Down here we're looking for safety, but we're looking for safety in the form of lucre, of wealth, of stuff. The difference between the two is that the cautious strategy is looking for loss avoidance. It's looking to control its environment in much the way that a reptile looks to control its environment by eliminating all possible threats. The driven strategy is looking to reap abundance by pursuing every available opportunity. In between we have the incandescent. They greet by aggression in pursuit of affection. They greet by aggression. What does that mean? I'll reject you first. I'll reject you first. I will demonstrate my social value by rejecting you. The more people I can successfully reject, the higher my status in the social hierarchy. When you're in that kind of an incandescent social hierarchy, what do you do? You kiss up, you kick down. So the people who are rejecting you, you say, oh, thank you for rejecting me. Please reject me again. What can I, can I carry your bags? This is one of the ways you have of identifying an incandescent is the incandescent, we'll say my bags are over there. My answer is go fuck yourself. I know exactly what you mean. And I will not carry your bags. I don't care what you're offering me. I don't give a shit. I will not carry your bags. I'll reject you first. The person who is most rejected is the untouchable and the real classic untouchable in our society is the homeless person. No one wants to touch the homeless person for fear of the social contagion of being declared untouchable also. But there is a countervailing role and you can remember it from high school. It's the irreproachable. The irreproachable is the homecoming king, is the prom king, is the prom queen. The one who no one can get away with rejecting and who can get away with rejecting everyone else. The top of the, we don't even think about this role, but it's there. Both of these are very lonely places to be. And if you're looking for the one that's better, I would say that to be the untouchable is better because the untouchable at least can make a friend. The irreproachable cannot make a friend. Cannot be affectionate toward anyone. Must reject everyone continuously because if he's not rejected, if she's not rejecting everyone continuously, no longer irreproachable. That's how the status is defined, is rejecting everyone. I'm at the top of the pie. This stuff is arcane and difficult, maybe, I don't know. But it's really, really interesting. What I'm taking here is the classic disc idea and melding it with the ideas of empathy that I worked out in Nine Empathies in order to understand why the disc personality types are what they are and this is how it works out. So let's look at some more of this. These are disc expressions. How disc do things? How do they accomplish things? How do they get attention? How do they express love? How do they exert control? How do they exert dominance? The driven's are boring. Everything is doing, doing, doing, doing, doing, doing. Everything they do is doing. Everything, true ID is not doing anything but doing and that's all he's doing. The sociable's also really kind of boring embracing, embracing, embracing, embracing. It's all about love. The other two are really, really interesting. How do the cautious accomplish? What makes them feel like they've really done a great, great job? It's all about planning. It's about planning the perfect paradise even if you can't realize it. How do they get attention? Much like the incandescence, they get attention by rejecting. Only they reject in different ways. The incandescence reject by snubs, sneers, scolding. Scolding is very common among the cautious temperament the way that they really reject is by setting up barriers. They're trying to manage chaos anyway so they set up barriers to access. So that's why the affected language. Our records indicate, according to our files, that those kind of expressions come that way is because they're putting you one down with the greeting strategy. They're trying to put you in a position where you are gonna come scuffling in hat in hand because you're already in the wrong. They're trying to put you in the wrong already. They're controlled by dominating. The incandescence also controlled by dominating. They controlled by more and more rejection. This one is actually interesting to me. Ayn Rand said love is exception making. This was in the fountain head and it really resonated with me when I read it. I'm a D, not a C. Ayn Rand was a C. Ayn Rand was a C who admired and wrote about Ds. And she had Howard Work say love is exception making and it really resonated with me because I don't make time for people. I'm driven, I'm doing, doing, doing. I will talk to people when they're doing something for me but I don't make time for people. And so love is exception making. Yeah, that's exactly true. The only people I'm willing to make time for are the ones that I really love. I realized when I was sussing out all this and I will, for all the high Cs in the audience, I will tell you this is all based on inference. There is no research. That's why you don't see a footnote down here. I wanted James Steele to be here. He's gone alas but I wanted him to be here to attack me for this because that is completely the opposite. James Steele is a cautious personality. That's why everything he put on the screen had a footnote, had a reference, had the names of all the authors of the study. You didn't give a shit but he did. And that's why he had it there. Cs loved by not rejecting. And that's essentially why it resonated with Ayn Rand who was a C, not a D. It resonated with her because she loved by not rejecting her strange love affair with Franco Connor, lifelong love affair, very rare for people to stay married for life now, consistent of her deciding, okay, you're the one and you're gonna be the one forever. This is not necessarily a happy story but an interesting story. These are the polarities in these personalities. So again, Ds, realization. Realization means get it done. It's realized, it's real, it's done. It's no longer hypothetical. It's no longer a blueprint. It's a house. I loved it as a blueprint. I loved it even better as a sketch. I loved it even better as a model but I don't love it so much and didn't love any of that as much as I love the fact that the house is done and I get to live in it, I get to look at it, I get to take pictures of it. Ds love realization. Incandescent's love being loved. That's what they're really looking for. The sociables love loving. This is the ideal, the ideal universe for them is for me to love everybody and everybody to love me and everybody to love everybody else. This is the social perfection. And Steve Mayetta stood up here for an hour and said that repeatedly. This is what he idealizes is a world where everybody's connected, everybody's socially connected and ideally sexually connected but socially connected in any case, this is really fun. The cautious temperament idealizes idealization. That it's kind of scary. It really is kind of scary. The importance factors, I have poor frustration. You better believe it. Keep me waiting and I will make you miserable. The incandescent's hate humiliation. If you have a great salesperson, do you want him to quit? I'll tell you how to get him to quit. When he loses an account, make a big hairy scene in front of everybody about it. How did you lose that business? We had that client for 12 years. How could you have fucked us up in front of everybody? The guy will quit tomorrow, maybe today because he abhors humiliation. He loves being loved. You can give him salesman of the month awards every three weeks. You don't have to wait the whole month because they can't have too many salesman of the month awards. To publicly proclaim his perfection, wonderful, to call him out for anything is abhorrent. Sociable is a poor conflict. It's a good way to get your sociables to quit is to have fight, have ranker, have conflict in the workplace. The cautious of poor chaos and that's why they're always trying to put things into order. They're always trying to formalize things. The ideal form of the universe is something that can be encoded into a spreadsheet. The rest of the universe is too chaotic but everything that fits into the spreadsheet is perfect and we don't need anything else. They abhor chaos. This is interesting. These are the conflict strategies. I invented this idea, disposability. Dispossibility is the thing that other people can never give me insufficient quantity. I want, so for instance, I want productivity from other people and they can never give me enough. What have you done for me lately? That's a D question. When you hear that question, you're hearing a D. You cannot give incandescence enough fascination and if you are chasing those women in bars, you will watch yourself get blown off again and again and again because you can't give them enough fascination. There's some other guy who will give them more fascination or I've had enough of your fascination. I need that other guy's fascination. You can't give sociables enough commitment. You cannot give the cautious enough compliance. It's not sufficient that you're ready, willing, and able. You must be ready, willing, and able, fully prepared and prepared to do it exactly my way with absolutely no deviation because my way is perfect and your way is wrong. Wrong. I'm not saying that people have to behave this way. This is the way they behave, especially under stress. This is the way they behave. But the cautious believe that every other way of doing things is wrong. Again, we're talking about Ayn Rand. This is a key personality defect that she had. I understand everything. I can prove everything I say. If I have argued with you and demonstrated my case and then you don't agree with me, it must be because you are evil. You are evil. Not simply wrong, you're evil. This is a very cautious way of approaching the world. How do we repel other people? I repel people with impatience, and I really work on this because I'm naturally impatient. I'm naturally abrupt. You'll note that I talk really quickly. I overwhelm people with my speech. I'm particularly verbal for a driven. Drivens aren't often not as verbal as I am. Incandescent's repel by indifference. I'll reject you first. I'll reject you again. I'll reject you as many times as necessary. I will reject you until you find your spot in the corner where you belong. Sociables repel by insatiability, and this is something that women need to worry about because women are often much more sociable than men are, and they're looking for what's disposable, not enough commitment. How do I repel you? I'm insatiable for your commitment. The cautious repel by intolerance. How do I impel you back? Now that I've repeled you, how do I get you back in my arms? Drivens do it by abundance. Socrates, what do I mean by abundance? What? Say it again? I can't hear you. Overwhelm, yeah, that's one way. My answer would be jewelry. That when the driven boss has driven you nearly to the grave to ship the product two weeks early instead of two weeks late, what does he do? He throws a great big party that he doesn't even come to. Or he shows up, works the room, and he's gone in 15 minutes, but the abundance that he's impelling you with is financial, it's lucre. Sociables will accept that as a partial substitute for commitment, and that's why it works. That's why Drivens and Sociables can work well together. Incandestines impel by scorn, which is incoherent, but the incandestine strategy is often incoherent. They impel you by scorn. In other words, I rejected you, I repelled you with my indifference, and when you got so pissed off that you walked away and said to hell with that guy, then I amped up the scorn to get you to come back, and it often works, especially with sociables. Sociables impel by affection. Come on back, we can work this out. The cross just impel by shunning, that if you are, if you have deviated from the perfect order of everything, then we're not gonna push you out of my way, I'm gonna pretend you're not there, until you come back had in hand and beg for forgiveness. The breakup strategy is funny, Drivens breakup by flight, they disappear. If I'm not getting what I want from you, I may tell you, I may not, but you will not hear from me ever again, I won't return your calls, I won't call you, I won't return your calls. Fincandestines break up by distancing. This is the guy who never calls back, or the girl who lets you send 15 texts over the course of nine days and never responds to any of them, it's distancing. I will come back to that. The cautious break up by combat. When you decide you wanna escape a perfectly planned paradise, the cautious will make you pay for that decision. The cautious tyranny is North Korea. In North Korea, if you decide that everything is not perfect, it's not a perfectly planned paradise, well, you can have reeducation, you can have some prison camp, and if that doesn't work, we have a mass grave for you, you will not escape. And again, it sounds like I'd be critical, I'm not, we'll get to this, what's good about this, what's interesting about the sociable, how do they break up, they break up by reconciliation. Take it, take another little piece of my heart now, baby, they just keep coming back for more. And so, the cautious, if they're in control, can very easily become tyrannical, think Steve Ballmer at Microsoft, the incandescent often will become, if they're in control, an incandescent in control will either flame out or he'll become a cautious tyrant. Even the driven, think Steve Jobs, if they get out of control and if no one reigns in, they're bad impulses, even they will come to resemble a cautious tyrant. And here are the poor sociables. Every time they say, God damn it, I'm gonna quit that job, by Monday morning they come back in and say, how can we fix this? How can we repair this? This is how you become a prisoner, and this is how so many people are horribly imprisoned at Microsoft, among other companies. There are all kinds of companies run that way. We'll come back to this for just a minute. I wanna talk about the four types here. The way they're ordered is really interesting to me. As far as I'm concerned, the ideal order of a business is driven management, incandescent sales and marketing, cautious accounting and research and development. This is what they're good at. They're good at accountability and they're good at planning, they're not good at being in charge. When a cautious person is in charge of an organization and doesn't recognize that the cautious temperament has personality defects, has defects in dealing, particularly with sociables, the way that they manage the business is by being bossy. Do you remember the banned bossy campaign a few months ago where women executives are tired of being called bossy? Well, the reason that women executives are called bossy is because they are bossy, and the reason that they're bossy is that men will not consistently, persistently take dominance from a woman. A man can dominate another man if he's a driven leader, if he's a good leader, a man can dominate another man. A man certainly can dominate the women in his workforce. A woman can dominate the women working for her, but she cannot successfully dominate the men working for her, and so her solution is to rant and rave and threaten to fire, threaten to cut benefits, threaten to persecute you with more over time. Again, the sociables break up by reconciliation, so they take it and take it and take it. The driven are long gone. When that kind of bossiness emerges in an organization, the driven are gone just like that. The incandestants will distance themselves slowly, they'll get their resumes in the mail, and they'll be gone in short order. The sociables break up by reconciliation, and they're stuck there and stuck there and stuck there until they're stuck there forever. This is very sad. This is how the sociable personality ends up in North Korea, even if they're lucky enough to be living in Seattle or Silicon Valley or Tampa. So, I went through this at the Church of Splendor this morning, how's my time, John? 15, okay, so I went through this. I'll go through it briefly. I did this at the Church of Splendor this morning. The Church of Splendor is a church that I run. Again, thanks to Anthony Johnson. Anthony suggested that last August at his house in Lehigh Acres, I said, no, no, no, that doesn't make any sense to me. I talked to James Pruitt in Houston later that year, and I started talking to him about it, and by the time I was done talking to him about it, I liked the idea. So in January, I did a little bit, and then later on in the year, I did a little bit, and I was doing it all on my own YouTube channel. And Anthony said, why don't you use mine? I've got more YouTube power, and I've certainly got more followers. This is manna from heaven. The Church of Splendor is an atheist, egoist, anarchist church. There is, as far as I'm concerned, there is no God. If you believe in a God, I don't care. I'm happy for you. If it's working for you, it's working for me, because again, I'm not responsible for you, and I won't let you dominate me, so I'm free. This is the nature, this is the actual nature of freedom is that I'm gonna manage my affairs my way, no matter what you say, and I really don't care how many lashes you lay on me, and I don't care how many cages you lock me into, and if you really wanna shut me up, you have to shoot me. That's the only way you're gonna get me to shut up, and then my words will resonate anyway, because what am I doing? I'm planting my seeds in your brain. My words will live on forever. But I went through this this morning. As far as I'm concerned, every sort of transaction, every sort of human interaction is a transaction that we think of transaction as being exchanges of finance and material goods, or finances in service. We think of transaction as being a financial material transaction. Every interaction is a transaction. Every attempt to persuade you of something is being done by a salesman to a buyer. You're the buyer, I'm the salesman. I am selling you on my ideas. Right now, I have a room full of buyers. God help me, I'll have a room full of converts by the time I'm done. But we can look at this, I did it today at the Church of Splendor as dating strategy, because we've been listening to dating strategy all weekend. I think dating is a poor idea. I've never dated, I've never been on a date, I never will be on a date. I think it's a terrible idea. I think chasing women in bars is a hideous idea. I think the women who go to bars routinely, if a woman goes to a bar once in a while, that doesn't mean anything, but women who go to bars every night, night after night after night, trolling for doofuses like you, and you're there trolling for skanks like them, I think you're just, you're courting misery is all you're doing. You're looking to get laid. You're looking for that quick fix, but really what you're doing is courting misery. I think it's a terrible strategy, but in any case, if you're looking to close, this is how you close. What do I care about? I care about time efficiency. What does an incandescent care about? She cares about getting your attention, and if she can get it by rejecting you so much, the better. The sociables care about family connection, and there will be a lot of sociables in those bars because they do what the incandescent girls do, which is kind of sad. They're the ones who go home sad and lonely. They're the ones who have nothing but regrets from their nights in bars. The cautious care about fear of loss. James Steele is a highly cautious temperament. We were talking Friday maybe, the day he made his presentation. I was talking to him about driving. What do I care about when I'm driving? Time. I want to get there right now. I'm the guy who zips through the lanes. I'm always looking to get ahead. James cares about fuel efficiency because he's a cautious temperament. He's happy to drive quickly when he needs to, but he's not looking to drive quickly. He's looking to get the best possible gas mileage, and he measures it, and he has records for it, and he knows the best he's ever done. People are smiling, and it is kind of funny, but different people are different. People get to want what they want. People get to be who they are. I knew he was a cautious temperament, and therefore I knew that making the fastest possible speed wasn't gonna matter to him, and he was kind of laughing at me because a lot of you guys have had this experience with me this weekend. It seems like I'm cold reading. You are not. I'm working from this. I'm working from charts like this. I understand how people behave. So in any case, if you want to close on the cautious, be prepared to give the full presentation, and be prepared to be met with a whole lot of difficult questions, and if you cannot answer those questions to the satisfaction of your buyer, it's over. You're done. You're fired. There may be some combat involved. They may punish you while they're firing you, but you're fired. If you're trying to close on me and you can't tell me the bullet points, if you can't tell me what I'm most interested in in the fastest possible way, I will find another salesperson, and if I can't find the salesperson I'm looking for, I will go to another business. No one can close on me slowly. You do not get to waste my time. You do not get to bore me. It's just the way I am. And again, smile because it's ridiculous. Most people don't behave that way, so it seems funny. This is the way I live, recognizing that this is what I am. I embrace it. I love it. I love this aspect of my character because it's what makes me what I am. It's who I am. These two are incoherent. The sociables want to be closed on quickly and yet they want a comprehensive presentation. Why? Because they want to reward you for having taken the time to master the information. They think it's impressive and they want to give you a chance to show you. They're being sociable. They're being affectionate by giving you the time to go through all the information that they really don't care about. But nevertheless, they care about you and so they want you to make your presentation. You're being very sociable to me right now by letting me get away with all this crap. This is the most incoherent of the two. They want the presentation to be slow but they want it to be condensed. They're bored by details just like I am but they want it to be slow because they came to get your attention. The more attention that you give them, the better they like it. Remember the disposability. If you can't produce quickly for me, we're done. If you can't be compliant with the perfect order of everything which means telling me the gas mileage to three decimal places, I'm done with you. For the sociables, it's the commitment that matters. It's the relationship. If they like the salesperson, George is a salesperson who's learning how to close on people. George is a really affable guy, really nice guy, really fun to talk to, really attentive to people and their needs. George is gonna do really well in sales. I think George might be an incipient eye. I think he probably comes from across his background but he's becoming an eye and sales will bring that out in people but he's a really affable guy. He's really wonderful and likable and so people will do business with him and pay more and settle for less because George always takes care of me. George is looking out for me. That's the way sociables think and the sociables will do business with George because George is always taking care of me. George has got my back. The incandescence, the disposability is fascination. You can't give them enough fascination. I can talk more about this because both of these are ultimately suicidal strategies. I and C are suicidal strategies. In other words, if you give an incandescent all the fascination the incandescent wants, both of you are going to starve. The only way you can produce the values that you need to stay alive is by diverting your attention to something else which is disposable to the incandescent and therefore you're both going to starve. This is the breakup strategy we talked about this before. Take a look at the Church of Splendor. Search for the Church of Splendor. Search for Greg Swan on YouTube. Go to 21.2 or whatever it's called the second 21 convention channel. That's where all these videos are. One of the things that I promised you at church, this is not in the book, this is not in Shiley's Delight, but this is the disc of poker. So anybody know David Sklansky? Yeah, there we go. Oh my goodness, Don Watkins knows David Sklansky. That's really interesting. You continue to surprise me. David Sklansky wrote, what is it Sklansky on poker? Is that the theory of poker? He is a poker theorist. He's a high C, you better believe it. Everything is statistics to David Sklansky. He can document everything he says to 10 decimal places and if you challenge him he will take it up to 33 decimal places. The Sklansky strategy is tight aggressive. It's a cautious strategy. Tight aggressive means I enter very few pots. I do not play very often, but when I do I play to kill. That's what it means. That's the natural strategy for a cautious temperament. For a driven, the strategy is loose aggressive. A driven will enter a lot of pots, will splash into a lot of pots, but when he's in the pot he will play aggressively. When a driven is convinced that he's got the nuts, when he's convinced that he's got the cards, he will pump those bets up as high as he can get them. Incandescents are tight and passive. They enter few pots because they don't want to waste their money. They're passive, they yield easily because they don't want to lose. They want the appreciation that they get by yielding. They get better appreciation by yielding. People like them better, they treat them better because they're losing. They're losing slowly. I wrote a book called Losing Slowly very much about incandescents in Las Vegas. The sociables are loose passives. That means they're fish. When they're rich they're whales. These are the people who lose consistently in poker and always have a good time because that's what they came for is to have a good time. They always have a good time. They always have fun and they almost always go home losers. Only when the fates smile on them and they get exceptionally lucky when they're not expecting it do they win and nevertheless they're very happy with it. What's interesting are the bluffing strategy. So we know you're sitting at a poker table. You look around a poker table. If you can't tell who's the soccer, who is it? It's you, but you're looking around the poker table and you figure out where people are in the diss system. Are they driven, incandescent, sociable, cautious? So you know that you're playing against a cautious temperament and yet suddenly the cautious temperament is looking loose and passive. Why? Because he's bluffing. Either loose or passive, but why it's because he's bluffing. I have now taught a room full of high seas. You don't have to look for the biological cues. You don't have to look for the facial tics. It wasn't Sklansky. It was somebody else wrote a book on bluffing with a whole bunch of photographs to show you what bluffing behavior looks like. You don't have to worry about that. What you need to worry about is why are you playing against your type? Why are you suddenly a tight passive if you're naturally a loose aggressive? Why are you suddenly a tight aggressive if you're really a loose passive? This player is bluffing. And this is how you can identify a bluff at the poker table just on the basis of a chart. A chart based on inferences with no citations. You take your chances. I am not gonna absorb your debts. I'm not gonna absorb your losses. But this is how bluffing works and how you can identify it. Even if you don't trust the tells that you're seeing from the other person, you don't have to because the faux behavior, the fake to behavior is the tell that matters. I have one more slide here. So yes, this is my wife, Kathleen Collins. This is another book that's available for 99 cents right now. This is a book about love and marriage consisting of short fictional extracts and essays that I've written about love over the course of the last 20 years. I was very jaundiced about love. I was married and divorced and made a mess of everything. I've done all the dumb things. I love that song. I've done all the dumb things. One of the things that informs my writing is profiting by my own mistakes. I won't say profiting financially, but certainly profiting emotionally. And there is the biggest profit I've ever had is right there winning her, winning her affections and keeping them. God bless her she's sociable. Which means she wrecks up by reconciliation and three times, we've been together 16 years and three times in those 16 years she said either you're leaving or I'm leaving, we're done. And I said, oh honey, I'll do better, I'll do better. Twice I said that. And the third time I said it and meant it and followed through. If you read, bless you sir. If you read Father's Day, the Mr. Maybe strategy is very much me all the way through my first marriage and two thirds of the way through my second marriage until I finally woke up and said, good God, why would I ever want to lose her? Mary Frances, can you join me up here for just a minute? I'm not gonna make fun of you, I'm not gonna ridicule you. I met Mary Frances at Socrates House last August. I was here, Anthony brought me here to do an interview and I stayed for quite a while and I got to meet Mary Frances at a wine bar at Socrates House and she came late and I met her by the door and I looked at her and I knew right away I knew she was Roman Catholic and I guessed that she's a practicing Catholic, she's a serious Catholic. I knew that she was really honest and decent in her approach as to everything that she's affectionate in all of her displays but the thing that I knew most about her is that she's without guile. There is no lie in this woman. She doesn't lie and she doesn't like liars. The one thing I got wrong about her is I guessed her age and I got it wrong. Now if there are people here who know Mary Frances's age you have to keep it quiet but if you don't know, tell me how old she is. 19. I said 17. That's why I honestly thought she was 17 years old. I thought she was jailbait. She's a 14, that's a joke, you don't get to do that. Anybody have a serious guess? Mary Frances, how old are you? 35, I thought it was 36 so that's why I let you say it. I wasn't gonna take a guess like Socrates. As far as I'm concerned, this type, not this person, you can't have her Socrates has her. You have to fight him for it and he can kick your ass but this is what you're looking for. If you compare this to what you're seeing in bars, if you look for the honesty, if you look for the absence of guile, if you look for the good heart, if you look for the truthfulness, look at these characteristics. These are the characteristics that you're looking for in a wife. You can sit down if you want to. I don't mean to humiliate her, I just want to show her off. I think, yes. Go ahead. This is an exemplary woman. I'm married to an exemplary woman. I am lucky enough that the woman I was married to hung in there long enough for me to discover how to get it right. But as far as I'm concerned, this is what you're looking for. And it's not a matter of physical beauty necessarily, it's a matter of inner beauty, that beautiful soul that she sustains inside herself and it glows. It just emanates from her like a beacon. And this is what you're looking for. Your chance of Socrates met her in a bar I asked today but he met her in a bar because she was there for a special occasion. It was the only reason she was there. The women who are going to bars every day, very few of them are like this. The ones who are sociable really are but you have to engage them as sociables, not as targets, not as another notch on your belt. And so my attitude is you're looking for women in all the wrong places. That church, if you belong to a church, other social organizations, toastmasters clubs, at work or at your competitor's office or at the hospital, the hospital is full of driven sociable, sociable driven women who are naturally sociable. That's why they're nurses and naturally driven or driven by the occupation anyway because it requires the ability to get shit done. In your marriage at home, no matter what you are at work, if you're cautious at work, if you're incandescent at work, that doesn't matter at home. As a husband, you should be driven and sociable. In other words, you should have a definite agenda that is aimed at mutual affection. And the ideal wife is, whereas I'm concerned, is sociable and driven. That she is focused on the affection of the marriage but she's committed to your plan, to the plan that you have for the marriage and she's delivering the good. She's following through, you're following through, you're a united front, it's us before everything. When you're together as a couple, when you're engaged, when you're married, when you have children, even when you have children, it's us before everyone, including them. They do not get to drive a wedge into your marriage. Some day they will move away and you're still gonna be together. Hopefully you'll still be together. The scenario you're looking for is Mr. Married. I won't have this because I fucked it up. The scenario you're looking for is Mr. Married. Grandma and grandpa surrounded by their children, surrounded by their grandchildren, with two or three great grandchildren in the picture, 25 people in a photo and they're all happy to be in that family. This is an appropriate goal for a man. This is a man's life fully realized through the course of your life to age 85. You can want something different but my question for you is if you do want something different, especially if you don't want that marriage, what's your life gonna be like at age 85? When you're laying on your death bed and you're thinking about all the teachers that you remember and all the bosses that you hated, is there anybody gonna be there? Is anybody gonna show up at your funeral and if they do, are they showing up to spit on your grave? If you, your funeral is the summation of your life. You don't get to be there but that's the summation of your life. What do you want the summation of your life to be? My attitude is whatever you are at work at home, the man is driven and sociable, the woman is sociable and driven and if you organize your marriage that way, if both of you are focused on those strategies, you will live the ideal life, you'll be the ideal man and your children will sing your praises forever. I'm done. So Greg Swan, look at that standing ovation. I admire you guys. I am so enriched, I am so enriched by you gentlemen. The younger you are, the better I like you. Edward Druse is my candidate for Mr. 21 Convention Tampa 2014 because he's 21 years old and I would be proud of him if you were 41 years old. What he's going at things the right way and the way he's going about it, not just professionally but also in terms of gaining strength on the weak side, he's a cautious temperament who's trying very hard to be driven at work and he's an INTJ who's trying very hard to be extroverted in his presentation strategy and this is a winning strategy as far as I'm concerned just like Socrates. Socrates is a naturally sociable guy who was excellent at doing cautious work and excellent at doing driven work and appropriately incandescent when the moment requires it and self-effacing otherwise. This is a man to look up to and Socrates is gonna have a book summarizing the talk he gave. No, do not. I'm gonna brag if you won't. This is one of the things I don't like about Socrates. He's not incandescent enough. He says we did this when he should say I did this. He should say, he says I might do this when he should be saying I am doing this. I will do this. I'll have this done shortly and I'll help. But in any case, you're surrounded by ideal men and you yourself are becoming ideal men and you're going about it the right way and I admire you immensely. I love coming to these events because I love what I get from you. So thank you. All right, Greg Swan. Let's give it up for him, man.