 convention Tampa Florida we have former keynote speaker from Melbourne Australia 2012 founder of the natural lifestyles professional vagabond wise man and one of the most amazing dudes that I have known and guys that you know one of the most popular guys on the YouTube channel we have James Marshall coming up here to tell us man everything about life awesome man thank you it is a pleasure and an honor to once again be speaking at the one and only 21 convention special thanks to MC Mayater to grand architect Anthony Paul Johnson up the back to his lovely wife Mary Lee to Mike and to everyone else that makes this very unique conference possible I am James Marshall and today I would like to discuss with you a big idea the title of my speech is how to be a man I get asked this all the time as a as a mentor for men guys are constantly writing to me and saying dude how do I be a man yeah how do I deal with women how do I deal with life when I'm supposed to be and I thought well I can cover that pretty simply I just wrote down a few things here should be able to do this in about 60 seconds so here's the answer you ready play sport be a team player shoot guns learn MMA drink beer drink whiskey wear a suit study hard work hard play hard stay hard for at least 45 minutes drive a big car make money and fuck bitches don't be a pussy man up suck it up cheer up keep it up join the army she's a job she's a career she's a family she's a big fucking television and most of all no poofters there you go got it masculinity today in the 21st century is in crisis men are very unclear about what their role is who they're supposed to be how they're supposed to go about initiating themselves or being initiated from boyhood into manhood and I want to talk to you guys today about why that is some of the causes of that how that affects you and what it is that you can do to become man some years ago I was speaking at a conference similar to this not the same it was a bit creepy and weird actually but similar it was a men's dating conference and after my presentation a young man came up to me and he said James thanks for your speech it really resonated with me it helped me and using my special staring technique and qualifying technique I said why did it help you and he said well like you I was brought up in a single parent household by a single mother and I didn't have a data round and as you know in the 60s feminism happened and you know men's rights were squashed and men had their testicles cut off and essentially oppressed by women and now they're pussies and they don't know what to do with themselves this guy in a nutshell was describing in his mind the situation of masculinity today that due to social movements socio-political movements that happened last century that the role of men has been flipped on its head that now women are in control women are the ones wearing the pants and in all areas of life the judiciary education sexuality bringing up of kids women are now the ones that are in control and he was speaking about and alluding to a movement which is arisen in recent years which is about taking back that power standing up for men's rights against the insidious power of feminazi's women out there who are crushing masculinity and men's rights right no wrong I don't think so I think that this belief that this young man had was misguided and incorrect and was certainly not doing him any justice and I sat down with him and I discussed some alternatives to this and I said dude do you know what a feminist actually is do you know what feminism is I don't really want to hear your opinion right now thank you and he then said basically what a lot of people would say when asked today what a feminist is you ask the average person on the street and they'll say ugly fat lesbian hates men or something to do with getting a vote and now they've gone too far yeah it's like vote gone too far which means that now if a man looks sideways at a woman he's going to be accused of harassment if he has sex with her then he's likely that he's going to be accused of of rape if he has children with her then he's going to have his kids ripped off her and his property taken away from her this is a very simplistic explanation for very complex situations and in my opinion it's something that is not going to benefit men who are confused about their masculinity you may be starting to think why is James Marshall talking about feminism at a men's conference and I asked myself this for the last year as I've been considering this speech because there are a whole lot of areas that I can stand up here and rant about in my sleep that guys will find very interesting about sexuality and seduction and lifestyle design and will be more important to me in terms of business return but I decided that this was an important topic to talk about men's rights feminism how those things interact and how they're going to affect you because in my mind if you get if you start to unplug from an ideology and then plug into another one you need to be really careful about what that ideology does to you the point of this conference and the point of the men's movement that we're involved in is that we are starting to question the status quo yeah we're questioning our parents' morality we're questioning a society that says that we must do what all that stuff on that list in order to be a man that we must go to school get a good job work our work ourselves to an early grave must marry the first woman we have sex with must breed you know must vote and act and operating exactly the same manner as our demographic or our parents have prescribed to us and for the guys who are involved in this kind of movement they're starting to question that and go well actually why should i do that and does that benefit me were those structures built for my benefit or were they built in a way that means that i am actually a slave that i don't have choice and that i don't get the best out of my life if you've come into this movement you've started to question things like well being a nice guy and being helpful and accommodating and giving and buying chicks stuff and opening doors and you know trying to take them on three dates and not touching them and all that gentlemanly stuff which is nothing to do with feminism that's to do with old school chivalry that's to do with repressive norms based on religion and when you've tried that enough and you recognize that that doesn't seem to work does it yeah when we all try that at some point then you question that you go all right well what else is there how else can i operate in my dating and seduction life and that's where you come to conferences like this or start to listen to speakers who've got alternative views and once you start to unplug from one set of assumptions inevitably you start to question other ones which is why this conference is not just about seduction it's about health it's about lifestyle it's about finance it's about being an autonomous man who gets to make choices in his life not being a victim not being a victim to a structure that was implanted upon you from birth i'm not a scholar of gender this is not my area of expertise but i think it's important that i now give you a really brief history of feminism because a lot of guys out there are really confused about or have made assumptions about what this means and have designated the enemy as women particularly women who stand up for their own rights in terms of losing power and i want you to actually start to question that idea and think about where did you get that idea from how much research did you put into it because that's not the truth feminism in a nutshell has been the pursuit of equality between gender that has always been its overall goal because throughout history women have been second-class women have been downtrodden women have been controlled women have been violently oppressed throughout almost all societies except if we look very far back into history into hunter-gatherers societies often they were more egalitarian but once we saw property arise power arise armies arise in civilizations then repression of women became the norm and feminism is always looking to deconstruct and to criticize the patriarchy patriarchy is something which is is an unnatural power structure it is something that has been created by men for men's benefit and as feminists would say patriarchy doesn't just hurt women it hurts men because the patriarchal system is governed by people at the very top who get to dictate what it means to be a man or what it means to be a woman masculinity and femininity become institutionalized rather than being allowed to exist on a spectrum which is where they truly does because within all of us we have these aspects of feminine and masculine but in old school masculinity in the patriarchal conception of what it means to be a man there's very little variation of very little choice you have to be a certain way because it's perceived that the nature of man and woman is essential that it is timeless that it is set in stone that it's biological and that there's no there's no point in fighting it because that's the way things actually are feminism was starting to question those assumptions about is that really true are women always passive caregivers whose only role is to look after the family and essentially be the servant of their man or or is there more to women than that so loosely speaking feminism is divided into three epochs or eras where women and the men who supported them were looking to write or to equalize certain imbalances that were clearly existing so the first wave of feminism happened in the late 19th century early 20th century and it was about democratic voting rights because in this country and every other country where there was democracy democracy was was not for everybody it was for rich white men pretty much that's what it was for it was it was not for black people it was not for women and so of course it wasn't actually democracy was it it was just funneling power up into a small group of people and so women of that time stood up and said well actually we should be able to vote in this democratic process we should be able to engage and decide who actually governs us and the the assumption was at that time which was across the board was that women were not as intelligent as men that they were not as rational as men that they couldn't really be trusted to to make decisions about who was in power because if they had their period they might vote for the wrong person yeah and this was believed by all people and the first wave was questioning that and the women of that time fought hard for the rights to be able to actually vote and also to be able to have some rights in terms of property because prior to that time women didn't really have any rights they were essentially the property of their men and therefore under control and at the whims of of whatever it was they deemed to be their rightful place the second wave of feminism happened in the 60s and this is the one that that the original protagonist from my story was referring to 60s happened bra burning lesbians hate men and equals testicles cut off men somewhere along the line the 1960 the the feminism of the 1960s did not happen in a vacuum it was not just this random thing that occurred out of nowhere because in the 60s particularly in this country there was a whole lot of people standing up and questioning all sorts of traditions and rules that have been in place for generations if not centuries alongside the feminist movement was the civil rights movement yeah which was again standing up for the rights of people who based on the color of their skin were not allowed to be involved in the democratic process who didn't have the same rights as white people you also had a counterculture movement which was questioning all of the morality of their parents yeah where guys start to grow their hair along get high and listen to the doors and you know learn how to dance and express their feelings yeah because prior to that that was not fucking done was it if you're a man you had short hair and you're tough yeah you didn't dance in the fields of long hair alongside this was happening the sexual revolution yeah where prior to that sex was sinful wrong and legislated against except in the very small confines of a married couple anything outside of that was wrong and often illegal sex was not experienced for joy for experimentation for connection and the young people of that time started to go well screw that yeah we're going to go out and explore our sexuality because it's pleasurable and in that time the feminist movement was huge in terms of deconstructing sexuality and looking at the facts looking at the fact that women were sexual beings that sex was not just for reproduction for them but they had desires outside of the home and alongside that you had access to simple cheap contraception the advent of the contraceptive pill meant that for the first time in history women could separate their sexuality and reproduction which meant that they gained control over their reproductive rights they could choose not to have kids and still have sex yeah and alongside that came rights for abortion which is a very touchy topic today um but abortion always happened whether it was legal or not it just happened very dangerously and women died from it and when it was legalized again it's allowed women to take control over their fertility which is a very terrifying thing to the patriarchy because it starts to deconstruct control over women when a woman gets to decide who she has sex with and why that's a terrifying thing to to men who can't handle women who are not controlled but from that era totally uh completely the opposite of having your testicles cut off and being repressed that allowed people to start explore started to explore a spectrum of masculinity and femininity to start to explore sexuality in very different ways that than had ever been accepted people stood up and questioned their government and said why is it that we've sent 50 000 of our young men over to some southeast asian country to massacre peasants yeah is that a just war because prior to that you didn't question warfare uh that your government or your king decided was just because they had divine right or because they were you know their ideology was correct you just ran over the trenches at the machine guns yeah for god and king and country or whatever nonsense it was that they convinced you was worth dying for that era was really special in america in australia in europe or in many places around the world where people started to really question the status quo and feminism was a vital force in that third wave feminism which is from the 90s until today is looking at a more kind of postmodern and decentralized view of gender relations because the first and second wave was initiated and campaigned by and for white generally middle class upper class educated women these are women who had some resources behind them who had some education who were able to stand up and so it tended to be eurocentric or anglo-centric and so the new wave of feminism which is happening today is still not about and never has been about man-hating bra burning and you know being a lesbian it's about looking at micro politics around the world of women's rights women's issues the fact that still in africa lots of young girls get their clitoris is cut off the fact that there's more sexual slavery or more slavery happening today than there ever was even in the height of the slave trade in america women are sold into sexual slavery women are still traded and bought and sold as cattle more or less in many places around the world the feminist revolution in terms of allowing genders to be equal is not when nearly no when nearly finished and it certainly hasn't gone too far there's been a reactionary movement which has grown since the 80s the the manosphere the men's rights movement and these are loose organizations of men who perceive that there are gross injustices systematically against men in the western world there are a lot of very hot topics within this particularly in terms of things such as custody rights to you know rights to children and these are these areas that certainly in some areas need to be addressed in that often women are given custody of children because they're perceived to be the primary caregivers that's not a feminist idea that's an old archaic idea about what women's roles are actually if we're talking about gender bias it's actually based in old school thinking modern modern feminist or equality based thinking would perceive that men and women should be able to raise children with the same level of care there shouldn't be a gender bias against it but it's not the fault of the feminists that that kind of thing exists men's rights advocates bang on constantly about false rape allegations false sexual harassment allegations it's interesting because I personally train men to harass women all over the world that's my job now I take groups of men in 20-something countries I teach them some good harassment techniques and then we run down the streets and we approach women in cafes and bars and book shops and all over the fucking place and harass the shit out of them we run up there and we go hey you I think you're pretty what's your name and she's like oh he's harassing me that's kind of cool and that's what I do and in my personal life and in the students the thousands of students that I have taught not one of us has ever been accused in you know taken to court for our harassment not one of us has been falsely accused of rape although I'm personally responsible for hundreds of people having sex and every time a student has sex I kind of count that as one of mine as well so I've I've had sex with thousands of chicks but seriously rape is not a funny issue and according to the men's rights sphere most the time there is no rape it's mostly false rape allegations there have been studies done by the FBI that look at false allegations of any kind and there is no more evidence to suggest that any more false allegations have happened with rape the murder or anything else it's around two percent something like that women don't generally allege rape against men for fun because it's not a fun process to have to stand up in court and talk about a traumatic event a very very personal event and unfortunately most women don't report these situations I am very close to a lot of women friends lovers and people confide in me because I don't judge them because how can I possibly judge them I'm the biggest slut of them all yeah and from you know from my anecdotal research the instances of women experiencing sexual violence are massive they're very high and for guys who don't actually communicate in detail with women who are not very intimate with women they won't see this they'll perceive that oh yeah well you know does it really happen and if it does well you know did she kind of deserve it because of the on account of the old skirt she was wearing or the fact she had a drink or whatever other bullshit people used to justify that kind of behavior the issues that women have faced in the past they still face today but in the western world they certainly do have a lot more freedom and a lot more autonomy than they ever did which is fucking awesome particularly for pickup artists and seducers interestingly enough pickup artists and feminists are unlikely allies ideology ideologically we're not very different because I personally believe in being able to have relationships based solely on the fact that we're attracted to each other I believe that I shouldn't have to pay for a woman in any way shape or form unless I feel like buying a dinner or feel like buying a coffee I shouldn't have to do that and the few women that I know that would stand up and say that they are actually feminists because I've talked about this in the past that the worst thing you can call a man the worst insult you can call a man is a loser you know which is based on a very old concept of what a man has to be he has to be competitive has to win he has to be you know he has to have massive resources behind him he needs to command the respect and the fear of other men and if he doesn't he's a loser he's out of the game doesn't count it's the worst thing you can call a man really and I said previously the worst thing you can call a woman is a slut and again this is based on very old school thinking which is that a woman's value is based on when and how and under what circumstances she decides to have sex with somebody not on her character or her heart or her achievements but on did she fuck him and how long did she make him wait yeah but I think I'd kind of update this now because most women I think would be more worried about being labeled a feminist than they would being a slut because it's it's completely out of fashion contrary to the manospheres perceptions that this feminazi elite is running the world it has been something that was totally hijacked and bastardized is bastardized in the 80s with neoconservative backlash and with the hijacking of those ideals of the 60s and 70s into consumer culture there was an article written a few years ago which in Australia which was about odd couples people who's you know had different ideologies and still seem to get along so they had a Catholic priest and a Jewish atheist and they used to be buddies and a greenie and a logger and then there was me the misogynist pickup artist and my one of my closest friends who's a feminist calls herself feminist the article was how do those two get along very well thank you very much and I thought that when this article came out I'd get some kind of backlash some kind of criticism yeah from my I don't know old school liberal university friends or women or something and I didn't I didn't get any criticism it's interesting I've been a pickup artist publicly for eight years and I've never received any kind of criticism any kind of attack from feminazis feminists women at all only support because women perceive that what we're actually doing here is teaching men to be honest to be clear and to actually operate from a point of equality vagina equals penis trade fair trade we're not I'm not trying to buy you I'm not trying to impress you I'm not trying to trick you into marriage I like you you like me that's what we're trying to promote and any woman who's got any brains we'll see if that's a good thing I want more of those guys in the world but the funny thing was that when my friend went into work the women in her workplace several of them went oh I didn't realize you were a feminist I better hide the lipstick from you because the perception is that feminism equals not feminine but as I was about to say the several women that I know who would stand up and say they are feminists are in no are in no way unfeminine they're very sexy they're very sensual they love men they have relationships with men they're not anti men they're anti inequality and these are the kinds of girls that you definitely want to date because they're women who go about their lives from place of autonomy and independence they own their own money they study they find their own place in the world and then when they choose to engage with a man on a sexual basis it's not because they're looking for a provider or for somebody to save them or to become a princess it's because they want to be with that guy there is no conflict of interests in this kind of thing there's definitely conflict of interests with people conservative worldviews that perceive that women should be controlled and dominated by men that that should be institutionalized when absolutely it shouldn't now the main reason that I bring this whole topic up is because I know that a lot of guys out there who are experimenting with all of these new ideologies and methodologies and concepts will come in contact with the manosphere it's become pretty big there are a lot of guys writing vitriolic nasty anti women anti feminist anti feminine blogs and facebook groups and whatever out there and as you're starting to unplug from the matrix as I talked about earlier you're going to start to come in contact with these ideas now I certainly encourage you to to be discerning and to check out new ideas that's the whole point of what we're doing here questioning all beliefs and checking out new ones but I always encourage guys to think about what is it that's effective for you because you can either have a really strongly held belief or you can have flexibility and change that's why I'm actually anti all ideology I don't think that there is a single ideology on this planet which allows for the vast spectrum of human experience that's out there there's not one answer for everybody out there there are certainly different concepts and ways of living that you can experiment with but if you believe that something has to be one solid specific and unmovable way then you immediately destroy all other possibilities in your mind and if that ideology doesn't allow you to connect with people and is destructive and violent and hateful then it's stealing your life it's really interesting thing to research I think the concepts of memetics which looks at the way that ideas and ideologies infect your brain they bounce from brain to brain and that's what I'm doing now trying to infect you a little bit and if they're really very strong and rigid they can take a person over and to the point where they just can't they're blind and they can't see anything else and you see that with extremists of all types once they believe something that is so solid and they're so right then everyone else is wrong and once everyone else is wrong you can justify doing anything to them can't you I've always called myself a Buddhist because one of the main things I really love about Buddhism is it doesn't have a prescribed morality code it doesn't say thou shalt not thou shalt not it says there are actions that are skillful and there are actions that are unskillful thoughts feelings and actions that it will are skillful and others that are not so skillful and you're welcome to try them all and you will reap the benefits and the rewards and the price of each one of those so for the guys out there who want to have an exceptional life who want to have a vibrant sexual sexual life you want to start looking at what are skillful actions what are skillful thought processes and what are not because it within the man sphere the men's rights movement there is a lot of hatred bitterness recrimination and victimhood that is being espoused guys are blaming their problems on this on the feminist bogeyman and it's very easy to blame feminists yeah if we look at what is actually caused the crisis and masculinity let's let's look at another narrative so our original speaker the original story dude in the beginning told us that it was feminism that caused it i've got an alternative narrative for you and i'm not saying that this is necessarily the truth either because any historical narrative is far more complex than just one story but let's look at this and this was my experience coming into the new generation the baby boomer generation into the you know the 60s and 70s generation our parents still tended to get married pretty early by the time my dad was 23 he had me and i'm 35 now and i'm like Jesus i still couldn't deal with one of these i don't know how you do it steve um married very young having kids and suddenly you have a situation where divorce is possible because prior to 1960s divorce laws you couldn't have no fault divorce you couldn't just get divorced because you were like you know i'm fucking sick of this i don't like you yeah or i want to go out and you know join the monastery or something couldn't do that really you have to prove that there was some major fault in the relationship through abuse or neglect or something for a court to be able to nullify it that changed so people could just get divorced because they wanted to get divorced and for the first time really massive amounts of men could just leave yeah they could go you know what i just want to grow a beard and ride a motorcycle through india and uh many of them did or just they just fucked off which is what my dad did most of my male friends growing up were in the similar situation and huge numbers of my clients when i'm just one of the first things i'll say is what's your relationship like with your dad and they're like one of the one of the guys said well it's like my daddy always used to tell me yeah exactly right so you have a situation where a generation or half a generation of men are growing up without a clear father figure or male role model in the home and as a result there's a whole lot of single parent mothers who are not necessarily feminist just women trying to do the best they can bringing up kids trying to play the role of mother and father in the absence of a father figure to me that seems a more likely explanation for why we have a generation of men who are kind of lost and also because there has been deconstruction of what societies mean because a century ago wherever you lived in the world it was very very clear what it meant to be a man it was very clear you had one choice which was that if your daddy was a blacksmith you're a blacksmith if you're an aristocrat you're an aristocrat if you're a slave you're a slave if you're of this religion you stayed of that religion you went through whatever initiation processes that were prescribed in that society in order to go from boy hoarding to manhood and it was very clear what you're supposed to be and I guess that was pretty good if you were happy with that one choice but if you happen to have any inkling of a desire to be anything other than that it wasn't so good because if you stepped out of line you're an outcast you're a queer you're a faggot you're a communist whatever people needed to accuse you of because you stepped out of line of what this narrow model of masculinity had prescribed to you that was the power of the patriarchy keep everyone in place do your job go to war die when we when told to don't question and be a fucking man man up don't be a pussy or whatever you know one line is a thrown at men to just like keep them in their place and go but I've got emotions like I want to express myself I don't really want to do that thing man up man up be a fucking man yeah I'm actually really grateful for the fact that my dad wasn't around when I was growing up not that I don't have a father I do I love him but he wasn't there as my primary influence in terms of masculinity a lot of guys who are on these internet forums are whinging about the fact that they don't have a masculine presence and they're not they're not respected and you know they they're lost and they're frustrated and it's the women's fault and I'm going to go and jack off to execution videos whatever that's a sick thought isn't it Jesus where do I get that from but for me growing up in a single parent poor household with with actually a card carrying feminist I'm the I'm the poster boy of what the MRAs would say is you know why men are fucked I was brought up by a woman who was definitely a feminist who taught me how to iron my shirt which is good because it meant I could do this and I didn't have to have a wife this morning she taught me how to cook which is also good because then I can bite women over and seduce them with my cooking skills and she made it very clear to me that it was a good idea to a treat women with respect and to demand respect from them in return not to be their doormat not to be their prince charming who was trying to do everything for them but just to expect that there would be an equal exchange that's that was the basis of my ideology but there was certainly a piece missing in terms of masculinity I didn't know what the fuck it meant to be a man I didn't know how to go about that I was a weird kid who played the flute and was interested in drama you know in a very rough sporty school in Australia well that was not fucking okay that was what Poofters did which is gay by the way and when I when I stepped out of the prescribed model of masculinity I was punished I was I had the shit beaten out of me by tough kids at school because they didn't like my variations on masculinity but I am grateful for that because what it meant is it set me on a journey to choose my own masculine archetype you can either decide that not having clear masculine role models means that you're a victim means that you are hard done by or you can decide that that's an awesome opportunity to choose and that's what I did I went out and I found mentors through my martial arts teachers through artists through writers and thinkers through other contemporary men of my age who were trying to figure out as well bouncing ideas off the women that we that we came across along the way and so as a result my own personal masculinity evolved and grew and you know came into fruition to the point where today I do feel very comfortable with myself I don't know how to tell you guys how to be a man but I certainly know how to be me pretty well right now and to show other guys how to step out on a path to self-discovery and autonomy and that comes firstly and foremostly by not being a victim by not blaming external circumstances for your situation it's not about manning up and being tough it's about taking responsibility for the fact that we live in a deconstructed chaotic intensely mad world and yes it's confusing but it's also exciting it also provides us with opportunities to grow and to change and to experiment with all sorts of things that we never were allowed to experiment with under the old archaic ideas of what a man and a woman must be and along the way we get to experiment and play and share time with women who are going through that journey as well because there is nothing more beautiful than being with a woman who has chosen to be with you yeah of being with a woman who submits to you because she wants to not because she has to and there's nothing more amazing than seeing what a woman can be when she is taken out of the box and not controlled because as we've seen there is so much more to her than just being a domestic slave I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being a mother or a caregiver or choosing to take on that role as long as it is a role that is chosen when it's forced on if any role is forced on people and you guys have all experienced that if you've been a nerdy kid if you've been the guy who's been brutalized at school if you've been bullied if you've been teased because of your race because of your height because of any interest you had that was outside being a fucking lax bro or being a footy head or whatever you know very brutal and limited conception of what masculinity is you've been punished for it and so have women who stepped out of line and my role is to stand up in front of men and say fuck that do whatever the fuck you want to go and try out all sorts of different things experiment and understand that your masculinity is is your own is your choice because what makes a man really sexy really powerful is a man who is at ease with himself it's not all of those you know buzzwords and you know really simplistic conceptions of what masculinity is it's a man who's called with himself yeah the reason women like me really is that i'm just okay with myself now and that took me a decade or more of not being okay with myself and being confused and living in existential crisis and and you know testing and trialing and all this stuff along the way to the point where yeah okay cool i know myself now i'm okay with myself and women go cool it's a guy who's okay with himself i want to be with him you can't not have relationships if you're a heterosexual male you're going to have to engage with women and the question is are you going to do it skillfully or unskillfully are you going to go into it with rigid ideas thinking that all women are golden in horse or that they're always out to get me and that all that there is a that there is intrinsically a power play or power struggle because if you are then you'll prove it you can always prove any position any person who is an extremist has a philosophy that explains exactly why they are right and you can always filter for evidence to prove that you're right and delete distort and remove anything else that doesn't agree with you but if you go in with these kinds of attitudes then you won't be successful it's the same as in seduction you have a guy two guys walk into a bar one of them believes that women go to bars to get free drinks and to validate themselves by being mean to guys the other guy believes that girls go to bars to get laid which one's true neither both maybe but if you hold the viewpoint that girls go to bars to get laid you're gonna walk up to a girl and go hey there what's your name i'm james and because you're here to get laid right well i'm here to do that with you yeah whereas the other guy's going to be you know going up and you know say hi and she's like hi no fucking drinks for you no free drinks and she's going to go whoa okay dude see her he's going see i knew it i knew it that's all they want free drinks yeah positions of perceptual effectiveness is what i'm looking at what works in terms of having an effect in the world in terms of seduction okay what works being clear works being direct works expecting that the woman is going to invest in you as much as you invest in her works look here in the eye works holding a hand and squeezing gently works projecting my sexuality through my eyes works all that other negative complicated other shit doesn't work not in my experience so gentlemen please be aware and be careful of the memes and the ideas and the ideal ideologies that you pick up particularly as you start to unplug unplug all sorts of stuff from the social matrix question but don't get paranoid question but don't assign blame simply simplistically to another group that's the way governments and kings and powers of the throughout history have managed to manipulate their populations it's the jew's fault it's the mexican immigrants fault it's the women's fault it's whoever was you know over the next hill's fault no it's not it's the guy who's saying it's somebody else's fault's fault yeah it's the corporations it's the military industrial complex it's monsanto it's all the motherfuckers at the top who are playing games just to rape the planet rape the earth and keep you all in your place and as you start to unplug and go not paying taxes nope dealing with golden bitcoins yep not being a chivalrous idiot nope not believing what the media says to me not do all that that's all good stuff but be careful about where that then plugs into because you can just as easily get hijacked by some extremist group who believes that the queen is a lizard based on her earlobe and you know you can take those theories way too far i don't think she's a lizard i think she's a lovely old lady she's all right she's all right this is your only time on the planet this is a really beautiful and precious and unique time where you have choice to travel to learn to grow to experiment with all types of everything that was ever possible in humanity and are you gonna look back on that time and you know think well you know at least i said in the you know at least i fought for men's rights on the internet what or are you gonna look back you know because if the one world government is coming yeah and if the lizards are going to plug us all in and pretty soon we're all just going to be tied up in there you know having our DNA sucked out well we may as well have spent those last precious years of our life traveling experiencing exploring sharing amazing experiences loving and spreading orgasms all over the place than doing anything that was bitter and hateful right maybe right yeah my one piece of advice particularly to young guys is don't get married and have kids really early because it takes a long time for a man to figure out who the fuck he is i had no idea really until i was in my late 20s and if i'd gotten involved in a very serious deeply committed relationship that resolved in children earlier on in my life i would have fucked my life up and i probably and i would have had a whole bunch of mess and of course people do this all the time and they make the best of it you know okay so it happens and they're like well i still love my kids and i've had you know okay so that was that happened but if you guys want to you know live extraordinary lives where you get to truly explore your own personal masculinity before you you know settle on anything then take a lot of time for yourself and don't listen to the pressures of your parents or your grandmother or of you know the woman that you're with or whatever else it is allow yourself to grow and to change and experience relationships because becoming good at relationships is something you have to practice just as you need to practice approaching girls it took me five long-term relationships to have one where i'm like yeah this is really good and when and we're not gonna it's not gonna cause massive trauma and damage afterwards it's a really good experience but allow yourself because you have this luxury in this time where you don't have to just settle down get married and fit into that box of what you're supposed to do you can choose not to and lots of people around you not the feminists but the status quo the old school thinking will often try to pressure you into those boxes but don't let it allow yourself that time to experience truly what you are as a man and then in relationship to to women and create a situation where equal rights is something that is negotiated between partners and then the ideas of submission and dominance are things you get to play out in the bedroom that they're not things that the state dictates to you yeah it's true women do like to be dominated in the bedroom often a very intelligent and powerful woman once said to me yes of course every woman wants to be possessed by one man if he deserves it yeah that if you are a man who is strong not tough who is powerful but not domineering then of course a woman wants to be with you and she wants to submit herself to you she wants to devote herself to you because the old school thinking is scared of that because if the men know that they don't really have that power they need it dictated to women they need to suppress them and use violence and and ideology to hold them down a real man holds a woman down with his own presence she wants to be held down by him she wants to be possessed by him she's not forced to be and then you can have a functional amazing relationship and i think i'm going to leave it there and open this up to discussion thank you awesome james we got a few questions for you i have a two-part question so having gone through your journey you talked about being at ease with yourself what is the one thing you would have done differently and and then the second part would be you have practical tips you tell your clients to find their way faster and not take a decade over it okay the one thing i would have done differently is i would have been a dj not a musician i would have got way more chicks way more chicks seriously that i'm like think back my only regrets yep that's it uh no other regrets the second question was how to do it faster without taking a decade practical tips yeah um there's in the in this kind of life hacking industry there's a real obsession with like faster better faster is better yeah the most efficient and effective way to do a push-up so that you don't waste half a second doing a push-up wrong or something like that right now i'm i'm all for being effective i don't think you should like have to go through exactly the same trial and error that me and sasha had to go through pounding the beat doing thousands of hours on the street trying to figure it out because we figured it out and you can come and ask us um however it is the process that makes you into a man yeah it's like if you just learn how to do things it's like you hear about those meditation things that you plug in and suddenly like you're meditating like a zen monk who's been meditating for 40 years because it adjusts your brainwaves or something even if that's true i doubt it um you missed the point of meditation it's not to just like have that instantaneously like hit here i am in zen it's that the process of learning how to have discipline to watch in mind to observe the changes in your body to go through those processes that's the point of the meditation that's what develops your character your resilience your equanimity and all of those awesome things if you can just plug straight into like i'm in zen state okay well that's nice i mean you can do that you just if i can take lsd you know like yep okay i'm zen doesn't really help you as a person when you come out of it yeah so enjoy the process it's not just it's not just the outcome of having all the girls but in terms of like well practical tips in what area like give me something more specific because i can tell you practical tips in you know posture or you know how to dress like a dandy just practical tips and becoming comfortable with yourself i know a lot of people um that go through the process um they find themselves having a lot of hardships and getting a mentor for instance eases that transition not having so much trauma so along the way yes you do need mentors but at the same time be wary of turning a mentor into a god yeah and people try to turn me into god sometimes like they'll people will like write to me and say i'll do anything i'll be your acolyte for life i'm like whoa dude i don't want that anyone to follow me anywhere for life please yeah i can act as a mentor to people because i've been somewhere on a path but i'm always also looking for mentors in my life um the fact is when you step on the hero's journey there will be hardship and pain and doubt that is part of it the shadow side of this journey is just as important as the as the you know the achievements or the golden points along the way what i would say is it's more important to look at how do you process those periods yeah so the i mean the most practical thing i can always uh suggest to people is to learn meditation because it allows you to step back into objectivity and watch the way that your ego and your identity and your reactive behaviors inside yourself work because it's such an insidious little fucker that will keep trying to put you back into a place of victimhood of blame and of like either i'm just this way or you know this woe is me i tried so hard i did 10 approaches and chicks don't like me and so i hate women or you know i'm a loser all right so being able to process your process is the is the most important thing you know where you want to go okay you're looking around you're seeing you're looking for models of masculinity or models of success and you're saying okay cool that guy got a fucking awesome body well that guy seems really healthy well that guy's got heaps of girls in his life and we and we start and we understand now it's not just because of genetics or not just because he's super cool it's because he went through a process and learned it so yeah take definitely model people but at the same time each individual's journey is going to be different and the demons that you have to face along the way are the things that will pull you off course it's okay to to like go down a path and for it to be difficult and for you to realize it's not the right path but to be pulled off course for five years due to a shitty belief that's the thing that's stealing your life yeah so i think the most important thing is is that learn to process your process from an objective position and also be become as clear as you can early on about what you're willing to put up with and what you're willing to give yeah because most people have vast amounts of their life stolen by other people's agendas yeah because they because they're trying to please somebody else because they are not they don't want to rock the boat they're in a position they're literally living for other people's belief systems or other people's desires be really wary of that and you're going to have to do an inventory of all the people in your life to see where where you're bleeding time and energy because it's happening there are people and people around you are not necessarily doing it out of Machiavellian agendas they're just doing it because if you let somebody treat you in a certain way they'll treat you in a certain way people treat you how you train them to treat you yeah i just don't i don't have drama and like insanely bitchy women in my life anymore because i just don't put up with those kinds of women i did in the past because if she was hot and and you know a psychopath then i'm like well that's kind of work it's kind of worth it when you get true choice in your life you realize that well there's plenty of hot girls out there who actually grounded and awesome and are not going to destroy my life and it's not about like a battle of the sexes it's about being discerning and choosing what you're going to put up with in life and showing people that when they step over your boundaries that you go gently once i'll do it gently once i'll be like that's not cool i don't do that and if they do it again i'll say see you later but more often than not they don't because people test boundaries all the time unconsciously or consciously i test people's boundaries consciously all the time to see how they'll see what how they will respond with me yeah and if i see that someone has clear boundaries then that's good it means that i have i can have a solid relationship i can have a trade with them i can work with this person yeah if someone's a pushover and easily manipulated then i don't want to be around them because i don't want to have people under me who i'm manipulating yeah but people will there are lots of people who do like that or who just fit into those situations the things that will the fast track is not losing your time to stuff that is not going to help you so you said at the beginning of your talk that you're not a scholar in sexuality or gender i sort of am actually wrote a thesis on the philosophy of sexuality and gender and i can tell you that your general idea here is a hundred percent absolutely defensible at the most rigorous logical levels in fact there are ethical theorists at the highest rungs of academia that are saying pretty much the same thing that you're saying the problem is though that they don't really talk about what it means to be intimate at a really personal level between sexual sexually different people and i don't know if that's something you can answer here today it's just something that hasn't really been explored in general and i think it would be really interesting to see you take this idea further especially with the background that you have and the expertise that you have and think about what it means to be intimate at a really personal level between the sexes yes yes definitely and that's i mean that's something that i'm personally investigating all the time and it's incredibly complicated and messy you know the sexuality of two people whether it's you know opposite genders or same sex genders or whatever is a very very dynamic and complicated and messy thing because we've got different people's agendas and fears and desires trying to reach some point of compromise yeah so this is not stuff that's easy to explain and which is really why i'm trying to warn against making simplistic explanations of anything yeah it's it's like your personal journey is your personal journey and an ideology is only going to act as a guiding light but at the end of the day you're going to have to in the bedroom negotiate this one on one with girls so yeah it's something i'm continuing to investigate and i will continue to speak about because that's what you know that's my role is to try and help men and women get together in a better way all right james we've got two more questions for you thanks for sharing your your ideas james um my question is you talked about a path and and so i know that you had your own personal path we we all are on our own path um i presume that you went down some some roads that you had to go down but now you've shifted and you've readjusted and made those adjustments wind up where you're at um everybody here has an idea of of the road they need to go down and it's not until you start going down that road do you realize you're going to make a course correction uh ultimately i think we all just want to find more happiness and we think that this or that will bring that to us is there any advice or personal reflection you could give us to to help us do that more early in our path to recognize that that's not going to give us ultimately what it is that we want yeah yes i think well the way i did it was by testing extremes pretty early on yeah and that can i mean it's dangerous to test extremes because they can break you but that's what i did because rather than kind of live in live in fear or something i decided to step into the fear and yeah i mean that meant me getting involved in nihilistic thought about that nothing meant anything it involved me getting in getting involved with drugs or getting involved with um a relationship that was kind of toxic because i was looking to test what were the extremes of of my human experience were and i'm glad i did that because it it did help me to correct earlier on maybe than some people um and it also gave me an understanding of the darkness as well as the light which i need i mean is absolutely imperative as a seduction coach you need to be able to understand the pain the frustration the fear of your clients in order to be able to be effective with them otherwise you you just like a you know a positivity robot is like just be be natural and fun and cool and just do it the guys like man i'm really questioning the existence of everything i mean i don't know how to just do it so yeah i'm going through that was was really helpful um i think i mean that's that's that's the way i did it really i just i went to whatever extreme wherever my fear was i went okay i've got to go into that yeah and not not so much as smash the fear but just like move into it and let it envelop me and then dissolve it and step through it and see okay that didn't kill me and that's i mean that's what i do in in seduction that's what i teach all the time in terms of approaching that that fear exists there um and the simplest way i know to get through it is to step into it and allow it to to take me over but not to take over my thinking it's like i feel it completely yeah i feel the the physical manifestations of it um because that's what approach anxiety is it's physical manifestation of an incorrect idea which is that women are dangerous yeah and if we latch on to the concept of it then we get stuck in it but if we just feel it and observe it and then this is where meditation comes in or allow it to just resolve and dissolve and then i step through and then i realize okay i'm stronger yeah i can i can move through that i guess that's what i've done all right last question here really quick okay thanks for the talk james so real quick is it possible to go through the personal journey to uncovering your masculinity uh while being in a long-term relationship or are they both incompatible okay very good question no they're not incompatible at all i but what i would say is if that happens at the wrong time then yes it'll pull you off your path because the hero's journey for a man is done is a solo journey for a lot of it yeah it's something where when you're when you're a young guy you don't know what you're doing you're stepping out in to try and figure this out what often happens is a man starts to step onto his path and he starts to follow his dream and he starts to become more vital he starts to become you know more masculine more attractive and so women suddenly suddenly get attracted to him and it's very common that in this early stages of your journey that you'll meet a girl that is awesome and or you like or it's better than any girl you've had before and then she wants to get in a relationship with you and shut down that that journey it's not that she's trying to necessarily collapse your your dream she just wants to get a hold of you and it's a very common i see this with guys you know myself and Sasha see this all the time with guys they come out of a boot camp and they're like charged and they do all this cool shit and they meet all these girls and they meet this there's a really pretty girl and then they go well just you know just she'll be my girlfriend and then six months later the chick dumps him because he's lost the vitality and the power of what it was that attracted him in the first place because he wasn't done yet his journey was not nearly completed and there is no completion to the journey right i mean the journey is cyclical the hero's journey goes throughout a man's life and evolves and changes with time but certainly in that very first journey where you're really experimenting with your sexuality your masculinity your drives your desires if you get in a relationship uh too early and and and stay there at the at the expense of your mission then yeah it's detrimental however when you reach a point where it's and it's not just a single point but there will be a certain points in your life where you've gone through trials and tribulations in your journey and you've come out and you're successful and you're powerful and you're you know you're at a point of kingship then yeah you'll meet a woman who reflects that who's at the same level and then being in a relationship with her is the best thing you could possibly do because that's where you're a mirror to each other yeah where she sees she sees the power and you you see the power in her and you exponentially increase that in each other so no it's definitely not the case that being in a monogamous or a long-term relationship will destroy your masculinity or your your path in life but the timing of it can definitely be awesome james great speech bad ass