 Well, hello and welcome to Jonathan from the Heart. I'm Jonathan Astley of Jonathan Astley.com And I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today. Our topic when a man deeply loves you, loves you He'll say or do these things Alright really quickly if you're brand new to my YouTube channel Please hit the subscribe button hit the bell so you can be notified of new videos And if anytime during this video the content resonates with you Please hit that like button so I can be seen in the YouTube Algorithms really quickly. These are my weekend videos. I shoot out on my balcony very similar to the videos I shoot my private group called midlife love mastery This is a group where you can have direct access to me on a regular basis and based on the questions you ask I shoot personalized videos just for you just for you So check out the link below to my VIP group called midlife love mastery. All right We're gonna talk about what men say when they're deeply in love with you and what they do when they're deeply in love with you Before we do though, I want to address something that I've noticed Well, I mean everybody has noticed what I'm about to share and I believe men and women are rather Miserable with the dating mating and relating process that exists today And I think it's important to discuss this because before you ever can be in a relationship With someone where they actually genuinely deeply love you you actually have to make that happen You have to two people have to meet one another and We are in a rather dysfunctional world these days Which makes it difficult just to meet somebody that actually Shares your values whose lifestyles is blendable with you and who has the emotional maturity in the relationship skills to actually be in a relationship Not to mention the desire for chemistry that desire for physical attractiveness and so, you know and because of these devices because of these dating apps and such Where's the dating apps? Bumble here's a dating app for example It's made it increasingly hard to connect with people on a real heart-centered level on a real emotional level on a real organic level and You know for the longest time I've been the biggest advocate for online dating and to some degree I still am because here's the reality of it whether we like it or not Roughly about 50% of all new first dates are happening through an online connection And that probably is going to increase for those that are no longer in an environment where they're surrounded by single eligible people I want you to think about people in college. You know, they they're all Congregating together. They're usually most likely single and most likely eligible So there's this, you know depending on which college campus you're at. There's a good chance you can meet someone But then when you move out of college, you know, it's interesting my son after he moved out of college or moved or moved back home You know his his dating his dating pool dropped Substantially, I mean they went to a school with 30,000 students and Literally, there was no one right in front of him anymore And he actually had a little bit of a withdrawal after that period. My son now is 25 So I bring this up because I think this is a really important topic to address beforehand How are we going to meet that partner that genuinely deeply loves us that that wants to lean into a healthy relationship and because the dating process is hyper focused on chemistry and romance I'm gonna repeat that hyper focused on chemistry and romance it oftentimes misses the more important things that are needed to be To address in the relationship process and that is as I said a moment ago shared values blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity via relationship skills and It's difficult to know and by the way, there's this grand assumption I mean it cracks me up how many women and men just assume that that's a given if There's chemistry with one another and we have learned over and over again if you follow my channel that intense chemistry oftentimes leads to intense disaster intense pain Because there's this hook of dopamine and serotonin and testosterone and estrogen and oxytocin and And yet it brings two people together and yet if they're not able to stay together when that when that Relationship ends it can leave a real emotional hole within a person. This is why why I wrote my book What the heck is self-love anyway? Here's a copy of the book. By the way, there's a link below to all the books I'll be recommending today. This is a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work So it's like a vaccination to emotional chaos because the reality is Most humans and particularly women this is gonna sound a little judgmental This is but my perception is many of you women are operating from the premises I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself. I need you to love me so I could feel good about myself I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself We are suckling on that nipple And I'm here to invite a different narrative. That's why my channel continually recommends over and over and over again different books to read to shore up your Emotional health so you're not so dependent upon a man in a relationship for you to feel good And also I give you the tools with a variety of different books to actually prepare yourself for that guy And by the way, the men have to be doing this too ladies I'm here just any man who's watching this you should be reading the books I recommend you should be doing the inner work that I recommend to do that personal development Self-help and spiritual work so you can actually lean into a healthy happy relationship with someone that you actually deeply can love Men are thirsty for this too. Both men and women are thirsty for Connection, companionship, copulation, coitus, whatever you want to call the the other c-word for sex And yet here's the distressing problem today We are living in an environment where there's no commitment needed to have sex with someone Repeat that there's no commitment needed. By the way, I can't I'm shocked at how many women Will have sex with a man Have sex with a man that there's no agreement of monogamy or exclusivity Listen, I I'm afraid of cooties Okay, like I ask women up front if we're gonna be intimate with each other on a regular basis I'd like it to be monogamous and exclusive I addressed that right in the beginning because I want to make sure that they're not sleeping with other men So why aren't you doing that? Because you're feeling fear You're afraid that this one person that you put all your eggs in the basket if you speak your truth They're gonna run a want to run away Ladies stop stifling your voice. Stop stifling your voice If you read my book chapter 9 says if speak, you know If it's sincere and from the heart you can't say the wrong thing to the right person Ladies you should be speaking up communication is critically important for relationship and you all talk about this You say this over and over again. How important is communication? How important is communication? And yet you're like this When it comes to expressing yourself because you're afraid that the person's gonna run away. This is why I recommend these two books lately Couples guide to communication couples communication guide and how to build trust in a relationship because trust is what's going to Trust is what's going to make a man deeply love you trust means You can count on each other trust isn't about fidelity as much as it is Can I count on this person and let me tell you the reason why this isn't happening? And there's an there's an irony here because I'm wearing my t-shirt that says friends And you can see all the different quotes from friends Pivot pivot pivot. How you doing? What's distressing lack of what I'm noticing today in the dating process is two people genuinely becoming friends with one another Because again, as I said earlier, there's a hyper focus on chemistry and romance and not enough attention built to or addressed In the building of the friendship and let me tell you how friendship is built First off, it's doing stuff together By the way, my weekend videos are supposed to be my calmer videos and I realize I'm in my passionate intense moment here. So Let me bring it back down How is friendship built? It's through doing things together social activities hobbies Mutual interest spending time with family and friends traveling together Going on hikes going on walks going to do events It's not built over the telephone You can maintain some level of friendship through the phone But many of you are spending more time on the telephone with someone and that's a false sense A false sense of intimacy Intimacy is built through the doing things together But Jonathan, I'm in a long-distance relationship and we can't do things together. Yeah It's going to be hard to really build that deep roots of trust that bond That's actually going to make a man deeply fall in love with you be on the sexual piece And I talked about this before ladies If you haven't read the book Eight Dates by Doctors John and Julie Gottman read this and read this with a man before you sleep together This will actually help build the intimacy between the two of you is talking about What you both want Stop being naive to this stop Expecting the man to be the leader of this you were in charge of your relationship destiny not the guy But Jonathan all the feminine energy coaches tell me to let the man lead Ladies Are men really good leaders of a relationship? I got to tell you some all the happy Couples I know the women are literally in charge of the relationship in a healthy way They are in charge of the social calendar. They're the they're the They're the social concierge of the relationship and that's what that's why I know so I personally know so many happy couples And I will tell you these are women unafraid to speak up And they're unafraid because it's they're not caught up in the gender rhetoric All the gender rhetoric is one of the reasons why you're miserable in the dating process If you want to change your narrative read the book if the buddha dated if the buddha dated it throws out all the gender rhetoric And says how can we connect at a soul level? How can we connect at a heart-centered level? How can we connect at a friends level? So in a moment, I'll share with you those things that men say or do Really quickly my mug says to say just keep swimming This was a gift from one of you beautiful folks out there. Thank you so much I I am so grateful for all the kindness loving care you send out there. Thank you so much I really appreciate you And by the way, if you're finding value in this right now, please hit that like button for me Please share this with your friends. Please post a comment I'd like to get a discussion going on this because ultimately if you want to be in that relationship where a man deeply loves you He'll say or do these things. So I'm going to put on my trusty glasses. We're going to pull up our notes wish All right So one of the things I'm going to give you some examples when a man genuinely cares for you Start to pay attention for these things Does he start using we language when you talk and by the way, let me be clear about this This is well after the Heightened chemistry phase that you might experience. This is for those couples that are actually starting to move into a more significant they've spent significant time together And I just said they use we language So I want to just differentiate because guys who use we language in the early stages of dating That's usually to copulate. That's usually to get coitus. Okay That's usually just to get sex. I'm talking about after you've slept together a number of times What does a man demonstrate? He starts using we language with the two of you. Hey, we should go do this. Hey, let's let's we should It's either we or us. Okay. We are us, but he oftentimes says we And again, this is after there's been sex and it's been a Season starting to become a seasoned relationship. He'll start using we language Now by the way, this isn't a guarantee or an absolute I know that plenty of people will use we and then still break up But these what I'm about to share are good signs that it's moving in the direction Of a fully committed relationship in number two He knows when something's off or bugging you He know he can feel your energy when a man can feel your energy and he's asking He's just checking. He might say can I check in with you? Are you okay? Checking in with you because he recognizes something feels off And I don't mean that you're stomping around with resting bitch face. You know, I'm talking about there's a subtle thing that's off A man who genuinely deeply loves you will recognize that and he'll lean into it Men who are not in love with you or men who are avoidant will when they notice your mood is off They will go the other direction Or needy men will do the opposite. They'll start going. Do you need something? Do you need something? Do you need something? Do you need something? Do you need something? Why don't we think about you do the same thing ladies? So this isn't singular to men This is both men and women alike when they're in a needy mode They want to fix right away and when they're in avoidant mode, but a healthy secure male and woman male and female Checking in something feels off. Are you okay? And it's an opportunity to communicate again ladies you talk about the importance of communication and yet so few of you Oftentimes are afraid to speak your truth because you believe That he's going to run away That's not how intimacy is built intimacy is through the conversations If you need some help with that, I highly recommend checking out this book I hear you the surprisingly skills behind extraordinary relationship Check this book out. It'll save your life It will literally save your life. It's like a a life vest If you fell into the water deep out in the ocean, by the way, can you see the ocean there? All right, number three He pays attention to you pays attention to your needs. He pays attention needs He will say things like I'll get that for you. I was in a relationship with a woman. I'll give you an example here I was in a relationship with a woman Why am I crossing my arms? I'm just a little cold I was in a relationship with a woman and she had two big dogs and You know, I knew that um, she would or she would purchase dog food and they were 50 pound bags Or maybe 40 pound bags and you know, I realized, you know, she was doing it by herself We had just started dating and I eventually went to the store on her behalf and would go buy the dog food for her I say I'll get that for you To make her life a little bit easier when by the way, you do the same for a guy You know, when you recognize something is off or you know, he needs something you go I'll get that for you. That's what couples do when they genuinely start loving each other This isn't rocket scientists. You know this And I just want to give you some insight into how men operate when they genuinely care about you versus the men Who don't they're not paying attention to these things probably because many of you are in relationship with guys where you barely see each other It's more of a hook-up casual relationship instead of something that's growing together And I'm going to talk about that in a second and number four He starts doing the things that you do and I'm going to give you an example I've shared this before but um Not but and I was in a relationship with a woman and every time we went out to dinner She wanted to yelp the restaurant just to read the reviews and she did this for amazon purchases everything She reads the reviews. I never did that But and then we started to do that and it gives us some insight into the restaurant or things we're going to purchase Well, now I start to do something that she does Or she well, this is a former relationship But my point is when we're in relationship with someone we start to take on their habits their their Their way of doing things not always but just enough And it becomes very you know, it's it's really saying to your partner. I accept you for who you are I appreciate you for who you are And that's a great example and last but not least He invites you into his life his family his friends He's progressing the relationship forward He wants you to be part of his life and those are great signs and again I said this before be careful of it in the beginning beginning stages If a guy uses we or he introduces you in your life and he tries to do things for you remember That's when a man is in the hunt mode. He's hunting. He's hunting. I'm talking about afterwards So as my mom always used to say You know what I used to take what you're in the beginning I took what your father said with a grain of salt again. I'm not talking about the beginning stages I'm talking about once you start to establish a relationship with one another and the reason why it's becoming Increasingly hard to get there. It's because folks today. We are meeting total strangers We're two meeting total strangers and I want to wrap up with the idea of reading this book talking to strangers by Malcolm Gladwell what you should know about the people you don't know Folks if you want to build a deeper relationship Then you're going to have to ask better questions and you're going to have to start paying attention because here's the problem We really don't know someone it takes at least a hundred hours of face to face time Just to get to the first layer of trust the first layer of trust the first layer of friendship And then there's another hundred to 200 hours for the next layer Another hundred to 200 hours for the layer after that It's gonna take I mean it takes a good six months just to get to know someone at a base level Sometimes it takes years to get to know someone. I know a lot of you have been in relationship where you realize after 20 years You never knew the person Because you went in blindly you went in cavalier Lee you went in naively And I'm here to say it's time to do it a different way. Can you do that for me? All right, I think you get the gist of where I'm going I'd like to hear your thoughts on this. Please post a comment below. Let's get a discussion on this What do you think of my shirt? What do you think of my mug? And we're going to wrap up this video as I always do first off give myself a big gigantic jonathan bearic of self love I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm going to ask you to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear a pillow and give it or them a hug of love Here's a teddy bear Because let's face it Hugs are a great source of love and we could all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye. Bye now. Bye. Bye