 It's time once again for another comedy episode of Our Miss Brooks, right? His English at Madison High School was as grateful as any other teacher for the Washington's birthday holiday observed last week. And far be it for me to criticize the actions of the father of our country, but I can't help wishing that he had taken more than just one day to be born. Of course the one day off was better than nothing, but I must admit I look forward to a weekend of not teaching with considerable anticipation. It isn't that I'm not fond of my pupils. I think they're a wonderful horde of kids. But after the events of last Thursday, I seriously considered giving up teaching and taking a course in rug tatting or peanut art. It started Thursday after school. Mr. Boynton, the usually bashful biologist, displayed a surprisingly different attitude when I entered his laboratory. Hello Mr. Boynton. Hello, Miss Brooks. I was just going to come down to your room. Oh, then I'll get back there right away. I wouldn't want to miss you. I guess what I have to say can be said here, all right? Although I can't help wishing the surroundings were different. Different? Yes, Miss Brooks. More romantic. Romantic? Mm-hmm. I know I haven't been the most aggressive chap in the world, but I do think of other things besides my biological experiments. Things that are, well, more personal. Personal? Yes. Things that a man thinks about a woman sometimes, whether she's a fellow teacher or not. Or not? Just move my needle a notch to the right. Mr. Boynton, what is it you're trying to tell me I like to think? It's just that, like I said before, I wish the surroundings were different. I wish we were in a blue lagoon somewhere with a soft breeze blowing through your hair. But we're not. I can take care of that, Mr. Boynton. I don't know why we have to be in a blue lagoon. I guess I just feel more confident when I'm over water. We'll hop up on this stool and I'll fill a pan. I mean, please continue, Mr. Boynton. Well, as you know, Ms. Brooks, I've been coaching the basketball team while Mr. Haney's been ill and, well, we've been lucky enough to win the championship in our particular conference. Yes, I know. We've been invited to play in the state championships at Martinsville. The entire squad leaves this evening. We won't be back until next week. I just want you to know that, well... Yes, Mr. Boynton? It's terribly important that we win the championship. Oh, you'll win it, Mr. Boynton. But what else were you going to say? Well, I'm not so sure we'll win it after all we're playing around Robin. Well, I bet you could spot him four worms and beat him easily. You're kidding me, Ms. Brooks, but I don't mind. You know, now that I'm leaving town, I've come to realize certain things about our relationship. At last, formal recognition that we have a relationship. Well, without getting too basic too quickly, I'd like to state that in the past, whenever the situation seems auspicious for declaring certain emotional reactions, I've felt, upon finding myself in close proximity to you, that is, some outward manifestation seems to... Pardon me, Mr. Boynton. Couldn't you get a little more basic more quickly? What I'm trying to say, Ms. Brooks, is that there always seems to be some sort of interruption when I want to talk to you about certain things. What kind of interruption? I see what you mean. Come in. Well, Boynton, as principal of Madison High, I... Oh, I thought you were alone. We were for a minute. That is, I was just saying goodbye to Mr. Boynton, Mr. Conklin. I see, Ms. Brooks, and have you finished saying goodbye? No, Mr. Conklin, we haven't. This boy's been taking brave shots. What I mean to say, sir, is that we can finish talking after you've spoken to me. Very well. I simply dropped in to wish you good luck with the team, Mr. Boynton. Remember, by winning the championship cup, you not only honor yourself and the athletes involved, but you bring further glory to the already hallowed name of Madison High. Glory and prestige, fame and all... How much have you bet on the game, Mr. Conklin? Just a thin, I was... No! I never bet. It's just that we must get that cup. Don't worry, Mr. Conklin. We've got the high scoring forward of the conference in our team, you know? I see. And how is this boy's condition? Tip top, I trust. Well, he's six foot five inches tall, so his top would be hard to tip. Joke, sir. Thank you. Miss Brooks, is this the boy we transferred from Miss N. Wright's English class to yours? Yes, sir. Well, tell me, how's his state of mind? What there is of it is quite happy. Well, I know he's not a brilliant student, but now that he's in your class, Miss Brooks, I'm sure he'll improve. From what I hear, the boy's an all-round athlete. I want him eligible for other sports during the coming term. Well, I'll do whatever I can, Mr. Conklin. Of course, it's difficult to give a test without any questions in it, but... He's through all right, Mr. Conklin. Good, good. Well, I'll be running along now. Best of luck, Boynton. Bring back that cup. Let's see now. Where were we? Oh, I know. You were telling me something personal. Well, I wouldn't like to repeat myself, Miss Brooks. Do you remember what it was I said last? Oh, how could I possibly remember what you said minutes ago? It was just something about you'd like to state that in the past, whenever the situation seemed auspicious for declaring certain emotional reactions you felt, upon finding yourself in close proximity to me, that is, some outward manifestation seemed... That's right. And then you said couldn't we get a little more basic more quickly? Right. Then you said there always seemed to be some sort of interruption when you want to talk to me about certain things. And then you said what kind of interruption? Then I wrote, whoever it is, get lost. Come in. Hi, you coach. I just... Oh, hello, Miss Brooks. Hello, Walter. How are you? Fine and dandy. Good. Bye-bye, Walter. Remind Mr. Boynton about the big doings tonight. There's going to be a torchlight parade and a snake dance. You'll be there, won't you, Miss Brooks? Yes, Walter, if I can find a snake in time. Oh, Miss Brooks, have you seen Stretch around anywhere? No, not for the past few hours. Well, if he shows up, please send him into the gym, will you? I want to give him exact directions so he won't get lost on his way to the bus station. Knowing Stretch, he can get lost after he's got the directions. I will send him in to you if he shows up here. Thank you, and good day, Walter Denton. Thank you, Miss Brooks. And may I suggest that you speed Mr. Boynton on his way with a salutation befitting the mentor of a sterling aggregation such as the Madison basketball team? Walter. So long, coach. I hope you're not embarrassed by Walter's inference, Miss Brooks. If you think that would embarrass me, you need a coach, coach. Now, let's take off for that blue lagoon, huh? I'm afraid I don't comprehend, Miss Brooks. My hair is blowing in the breeze again. What is it you were trying to tell me before Walter came in? Well, it's just that with my leaving tonight, we won't be seeing each other at all over the weekend. I know, Mr. Boynton. Come in. Oh, it's Stretch. How are you, son? Hi, Mr. Boynton. Hello, Miss Brooks. Hi. How do you feel about our impending junket? Huh? Mr. Boynton wants to know how you feel about the trip you're taking this evening. Oh, well, I ain't going. Stretch, don't say ain't. Don't say you ain't going. What's the trouble, Stretch? You're not ill, are you? There's nothing wrong with me physically. My trouble is mostly mental. Well, don't be self-conscious. No, wait. What is it, Stretch? Maybe I can help you. I'm afraid you can't, Mr. Boynton. You see, it's, well, it's about a girl. A girl? You've seen them. They play on girl's softball team. Do to help, Stretch. Yes, Miss Brooks, but I'd rather talk to you alone if it's all right with Mr. Boynton. Oh, I certainly stretch. I've got to get down to the gym for a few minutes anyway. Miss Brooks, you will try to straighten them out, won't you? You know how important he is to the team. I'll do what I can, Mr. Boynton. Good. We'll see you for the snake dance tonight. Now then, Stretch, tell Teacher all about it. Well, I know I ain't good in English, Miss Brooks. You're not good in English. I know. Ever since the first test you give me, I knew that I was going to improve and get the kind of marks in English that I've always stroven for. Stroven for? Well, I know I got a lot to learn yet, but since I met you, I feel that you're more than just a teacher, but you understand kids, and that's why I come to you now. I ain't much at speeches, so I'll just say it right out, Miss Brooks. I'm in love. In love? With what? A who? My best friend's girl, Walter Denton. People don't talk like this in any language. Stretch, are you trying to tell me that you've got a crush on Harriet Compton? Exactly. When she's in the stands rooting for the team, I play great. When she isn't, like she's not going to be where we're going to play over the weekend, I don't. So I ain't going, Miss Brooks. Oh, now wait a minute, Stretch. Have you told Harriet how you feel about her? Oh, no. No Walter either. I don't know what I've hurt in either of their feelings. It's just that I can't play without Harriet in the stands. Look, Stretch. I heard that they're going to show the games on television right here in Madison. That means that Harriet will be in the stands. She'll be right on the sidelines watching your every move. Honest, Miss Brooks? May I swallow a border racer? Now, will you attend the ceremonies tonight and then leave with the rest of the team for Martinsville? Well, if you say Harriet will be there on the sidelines, I guess I'll go along. I knew you wouldn't disappoint Mr. Boynton and me. He was kind of counting on me, I guess. Funny thing about him, though. For a smart scientist, he's not very smart about getting someplace sometime. Right, Stretch. What do you mean? Like with you, I mean. Here you are. Smart, pretty, brainy English teacher with no other attachments, and he don't do nothing about it. Stretch. Yes, Miss Brooks? You ain't just flapping your lips, Doc. Sorry, Eve Arden. We'll continue in just a moment. But first, if instead of feeling sorry for yourself, Stella only had the good sense to listen to House Party every Monday through Friday over most of these stations, she could have had a fine time even when she was home sweeping the hearth. All that fun would have helped her household chores get done faster. And it wouldn't have hurt her one bit if she went off to that fancy dress ball with a smile either. The wonderful thing about House Party is that you can enjoy it five days a week. It's good to hear whether you're working, resting, or out driving the car. Or sitting a fancy dress ball at night, or just spending a quiet evening at home. You'll find the high spirits that House Party gives rise to will carry right over to the evening ahead. Well, the pre-victory celebration was a huge success. A one-hour snake dance in the six-mile torch parade came off promptly at eight o'clock, and my feet came off promptly at nine. After seeing the basketball squad off of the bus depot, they limped home for a nice warm bath. Mrs. Davis, my landlady, was sitting in the living room when I opened the door. And Connie, how was the snake dance? Very snakey, thanks. Did you bid, Mr. Boynton, a fun goodbye, Connie? Yes, Mrs. Davis. What did he say? Goodbye. Oh, that man. When is he going to open his eyes and see that? I think they're opening a little bit, Mrs. Davis. This afternoon in the laboratory, he really started to make a noise when he got out of the hospital. Oh, what happened? Nothing. I got all involved with the trials and tribulations of a star basketball player and his unrequited romance. But the weekend is upon us, and I won't have to play Dorothy Dix for a few days anyway. What are you going to do tonight, Connie? I have some very elaborate plans, Mrs. Davis. Tonight I'm going to have myself a school teacher's B&B. Been a dictine at Brandy? No, bath and bed. I mean, I'll drag my carcass into the bathroom and run a tub. Oh, you don't have to do that, Connie. I've already let the water in. I was going to bathe Minerva tonight. The cat? But cats aren't supposed to get bathed, are they? Oh, Minerva loves it. Besides, I've just got to bathe her. Why, are the mice complaining? You know, she was walking near the sink this morning and slipped on the tile, poor dear. Sailed right into some dough I was mixing for bread. Then maybe Minerva better use the water that's in the tub. She can wait. You run along, Connie, and take a nice rest. Now, who in the world can that be? Coming! Stretch, what are you doing here? Why aren't you at the bus depot? I ain't going. Again? Well, come in for a minute. Thanks, Miss Brooks. This is Mrs. Davis. You remember Stretch? Of course. He's the famous quarterback on our hockey team, isn't he? No, lately he's been playing goalie for our tennis team. Should I talk to you alone, Miss Brooks? Naturally. Mrs. Davis, would you mind making a little tea? Not at all, Connie. I'd like some myself. How about you, Stretch? Nice glass of milk. No thanks, Mrs. Davis. Well, I'll bring some anyway. Nothing like milk for a growing boy. I guess you're pretty disappointed in me, Miss Brooks. But I... say, what's that? What's what? Right behind Mrs. Davis. There's a cake walking into the kitchen. Stretch, I see it too. That's just our cat, Minerva. She fell into some dough. Tell me why you're not with the team. It's Harriet, Miss Brooks. Even though she'll be seeing me play on television, I won't be able to see her. I was afraid you'd figure that out. Look, Stretch, I'll get you a nice picture of Harriet and send it airmail. You'll have it by game time tomorrow night. How's that? Gee, I don't know, Miss Brooks. I would like to have a picture of Harriet, but I wouldn't want anybody to know that I... Walter's my best friend. I know, Stretch. You wouldn't want to hurt Walter or Harriet or either of their feelings. Believe me, I'll get the picture without anyone knowing for whom it's intended. I hate to be such a problem to you, but, well, I never mix much with other kids outside of an athletics, I mean. And I think my name has something to do with it. Your name? You see, my real name is Fabian Snoggrass. Well, just when I was little and kids kidded me about it, I got sensitive. I see. Stretch, do you have any brothers or sisters? Sure. Two sisters and one brother. And do they have peculiar names, too? Oh, no. They all got perfectly normal names. It's like the other day when I was talking to my sister. Rapunzel, I said. That does it. I'll go into your case more thoroughly when you get back from this trip, Stretch, but right now you've got to rejoin the team. Come along. You won't forget to send a picture, Miss Brooks. I won't forget, Stretch. Lots of luck and goodbye again. Rapunzel Snoggrass. Well, there's a family for you. Oh, well, now for that bath. I better see if the water's still warm. Oh, it's pretty cold. I better let it out and run a fresh one. Come and get your tea, Connie. I'll be right there, Mrs. Davis. I'm afraid Minerva's water got a little cool. I'm running another tub for myself. Very well here. Where did Stretch go? Back to the bus depot. Wait till I close this door. The poor kiddies hopelessly in love. Yes, I overheard. But he shouldn't worry so much about the other boy in the case. Why, when my sister Angela was a girl, she never went out with one boy at a time. She didn't? No, she played the field, Angela did. I remember one time she went out with twins over a year before she found out they were triplets. Angela, the eternal quadrangle. I'd better take a look at that bath. There, nice and hot. Now to get these clothes off and... Oh, no, not another interruption. Hi, Miss Brooks. It's me. Can I come in for a minute? Yes, Walter, but that's about all. I'm trying to take a bath. Well, I don't have to wait, Miss Brooks. Well, it's getting plenty of practice. What's the matter, Walter? It's Stretch. He was in the station. And when last seen, he was heading in this direction. He did come here, Walter, but I sent him back down to the depot. Well, that seems like a pretty silly maneuver. What did he come here about? He wanted some advice. He's in love, Walter. In love? In love with somebody that doesn't love him, a girl who goes with another fellow. Now, what kind of a girl would go with a fellow when she could go with a star basketball player like Stretch? I can't divulge the details, Walter, but Stretch was miserable about the situation. But he's not supposed to be miserable. This is a crucial time. If he likes a girl, she should go with him and brush off this other jerk. Careful, Walter. You may hate yourself for this. Look, I've smoothed this feathers and sent him back to play the game of his life. Now, you get back to the depot and don't say a word about what I've told you. Well, all right, Miss Brooks. But I wish I could get a peek at the guy that's got Stretch's girl buffalode. You may never see him till you start shaving. Goodbye to you again, Walter Denton. Now, let's see how this water feels now. It could be warmer. I'll let a little out and refill it. Singing in the bathtub. La-da-da-da-da. Singing in the bathtub. Now, we'll just put the plug back in, run some more water. I always thought that teaching was my only profession, but bathing can be quite a career, too. Yeah, that ought to be just right. Singing in the bathtub. Nothing can go wrong. Singing in the bathtub. Oh, I should live so long. Oh, it's Mr. Boynton. I'm sorry to bother you, Miss Brooks, but Walter Denton's disappeared from the bus depot. Have you seen him? Of course I've seen him. Won't you come inside, Mr. Boynton? I haven't time, Miss Brooks. You say you saw Walter. Where is he now? On the way back to the bus depot. Oh, good. Stretch got down there before I left, and when he found Walter gone, he was quite upset. Now everything will be all right. I'm sorry to have troubled you, Miss Brooks. See you next week. Goodbye. Goodbye. You gray hound locker bar. There's nothing to stop me from taking that bath now. I couldn't have gotten cool in that short space of time. Let's see. Now it's exactly the right temperature. I don't have to let out a drop. Wrong again. Oh, no, it's not you again, Stretch. I'm a monster. You're the one for me, an affidavit. What's wrong this time? When Walter came back to the depot, I took one look at him, and then I knew. Knew what? I couldn't go to Martinville without his girl Harriet. I just can't play unless she's really in the stands. All right, Stretch, I'll do my best. Go back down to the depot and wait for me. What are you going to do, Miss Brooks? I'm going to slip on a straight jacket and run over to the Conflans. I disturbed you this late, Mr. Conflan, but it's absolutely essential if you want Madison to win that championship. What's essential, Miss Brooks? That you let Harriet here go to Martinsville with the team. Me? Go with the team tonight? But of course it's Walter. He needs me. Stop squealing, girl. But don't you see, Daddy? Walter's the manager of the team, and he needs me by a side. I hardly dared to hope for it, but now I know. Walter's my life, my future, my all. Walter isn't the one who requested that you come along, Harriet. It was Stretch. Stretch? But he's the best athlete at Madison. I'll rush to his side at once. Fastly, Miss Brooks. Not so fast, young lady. What's this all about, Miss Brooks? Well, it's Stretch, Mr. Conflan. He's got a crush on Harriet. And if she'll just be in the stands and root for him, he says Madison is bound to win. There's really no harm in it. No harm in it? But Martinsville is 400 miles away. The basketball team is composed entirely of boys. Boys and Mr. Boynton. Who'd chaperone my daughter? Come on, Miss Brooks. Pack a bag, and we'll have to... Oh, just a minute, Harriet. I can't go to Martin. Oh, of course you can. It's your idea, isn't it? Now go on home and get... Wait a minute. With Mr. Boynton coaching the team, you'll need a chaperone yourself. What? Me? The principal of the school leave Madison for a weekend? To watch our basketball team play around Robin with the best teams in the state? Tell your mother we're leaving at once. Oh, just one thing, Mr. Conflan. Do you think they have a bath tub in Martinsville? I never thought when I woke up this morning that I'd be riding on the bus with you and the team tonight, Mr. Boynton. I'm glad it worked out this way, Miss Brooks. I am too. Me too. I'm Mr. Conflan, the principal of Madison High. Oh, how do you do, Mr. Conflan? My name's Frederick's. What can I do for you? Well, I'd like to open a few of these windows if nobody minds. It's kind of stuffy in here. There is kind of crowded in the bus. You see, we didn't expect all you extra passengers. In fact, there was one kid back at the depot. I couldn't even allow on. Which kid was that, Mr. Frederick's? Oh, some tall fellow said his name was Snodgrass, Stretch Snodgrass. Well, just as long as he wasn't an important member of the team, Stretch Snodgrass! Miss Brooks returns in just a moment, but first, give the world a break. Give it the smile it deserves. And while you're at it, give yourself a break, too. Keep smiling to the antics of our expanded Amazon Andy Music Hall. And on the hour-long Robert Q. Lewis show, both of these light-hearted programs come your way over most of these stations each Monday through Friday night and Saturday in the daytime, too. And each of them, in any number of ways, is a listening delight. Amazon Andy, The Kingfish, and all of their friends, including some of the biggest names in show business, are open for business six times a week, now at their Music Hall. And since their business is a pleasure, you'll find it a happy place to be. The Robert Q. Lewis show offers you unlimited opportunities for having a good time, too. With Ray Block in his orchestra to back them up, Judy Johnson and Richard Hayes handle any old or new song hit with ease and distinction. And, of course, in his own informal fashion, Robert Q. Lewis keeps the laughs coming with unflagging speed. So tomorrow or any Monday through Friday night and on Saturday in the daytime from now on, do your full share of the smiling. Hear the Amos and Andy Music Hall and the Robert Q. Lewis show. And when you do, get set to find the whole world smiling back at you. Miss Brooks. Well, Mr. Compton was furious about the fact that he and his wife had to go to the bus station to pick him up. Then I went home, got undressed and steered my stubborn little course for the bathroom. Now I can really... Oh, hello, Mrs. Davis. Hello, Connie. I was going to postpone Minerva's bath till tomorrow, but she just couldn't wait any longer. Oh? When did you put her into the tub, Mrs. Davis? Just this minute, Connie. Well, I can't wait any longer either. Where are you going, little girl? Said the wolf to Red Riding Hood. I'll bet you're going to your grandmother's house and that that's a basket of goodies you have on your arm. You lose your bat, said Red Riding Hood. In the first place, it's not a basket of goodies. It's my lunch. In the second place, I'm not going to my grandmother's house. I'm staying here. In the third place, I'm not a little girl in the first place, but a full-fledged member of the Ground Observer Corps spotting planes here on this hilltop. Incidentally, spotters are needed for all shifts to help keep Uncle Sam's Defense Network operating 24 hours a day. If you have nothing better to do than jump out at people from behind trees, I suggest you might use your time more valuably by volunteering for the Ground Observer Corps yourself. Civil defense is everybody's business. Little girls grout the wolf for getting too smart these days when he was right. It's smart to help guard your own home Why don't you join your neighbors who are already members of GOC? Wherever you live, whatever hours you can give, there's a place for you in Operation Skywatch. CBS Radio urges you to get in touch with your local Civil Defense Office for more information about the Ground Observer Corps. Starring Eve Arden is produced by Larry Burns, written and directed by Al Lewis with music by Wilbur Hatch. Mr. Conklin was played by Gale Gordon. Others in tonight's cast were Jane Morgan, Dick Crenna, Gloria McMillan, Leonard Smith and Frank Nelson. Be with us again next week at the same time for another comedy episode of Our Miss Brooks. This is Johnny Jacobs speaking. America Listen's most to the CBS Radio Network.