 Because people are like, oh, you're married. So when is the kid coming? And so it's the kind of constant of questioning of when is the kid coming? And I was still on the question of if I even wanted kids at all. This video is sponsored by Squarespace. With Squarespace, you get to control and customize your content to fit your brand this 2020. From websites to online stores, Squarespace provides easy to use templates to build your presence online today. Squarespace is what we use for Shann's personal site and the game of desire. Go to squarespace.com slash shambudy to start playing around for free and get 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Hello there lovers and friends. I am joined today by my lover and my best friend and my husband, possibly soon to be baby daddy. Working on that title right now. So babe, we have recently I guess started to open up on our journey about fertility. And so I just wanted to sit and chat with you and have a conversation about what are your thoughts on it? Yeah, I mean, I've always kind of wanted a child. So break that down for me. What does always kinda mean? I think there was a time and place in my life where I accepted that it may not be the case. Like I may not have kids because I was really thinking about adopting rather than having another child because there's so many, it's already overpopulated. There's so many people on this. There was so much media focused on the global warming and like how there's too many of us and all this like danger zone of population. So I was just kind of like, well, maybe my part is to adopt rather than to bring another child into the world. I think that there was a time and space where I played with the idea of not having children all. And what brought you back to this place? Cause we started talking about it and financially we can and I think that we're in a position to provide for a kid in a very healthy way. So I just felt like, yeah, like this would make sense. There's a selfish part of me that was like, yeah, let's do this. Yeah. So, yeah, I mean, I don't know. I don't think that it's a situation where it could be wrong and I'm probably him wrong, but it doesn't feel like a huge decision. It feels like the next decision. Yeah. It feels bigger for me because I have vehemently not wanted kids for a very long time. Really? Yes. You didn't know that, Bobby? I thought you were always like gray area with it. No. I feel like maybe from age 26, I had made a thought of like, I do not want to children. Really? Yeah. Yeah. How did you get it? I mean, you, right? I think like, I honestly- No, but what's the step process? Like where were you at a few months ago? So remember we did that Jubilee thing. Remember I cried during that part? Oh, yes. Yes. And that actually was genuine tears. Yeah. I feel like this whole entire year, we've been really, we got married in December. So it's gonna be a year that we've been married in, you know, a month of time. First and foremost, you get asked the question all the time. So by virtue of that, you have to think about it more. Cause people are like, oh, you're married. So when is the kid coming? And so it's the kind of constant of questioning of when is the kid coming? And I was still on the question of if I even wanted kids at all. But I don't know, I just feel like it just kind of slowly over time was having a discussion, not feeling the pressure, feeling like I love what I have with you and I would love to see you as a dad. And I don't want a baby. I'll say that. And I say that all the time. Like, I want a kid. I have zero interest in a baby. So when you took your IUD out, did you take it out with that process of like, just try to have a baby? Or like, I need to get my body a break from this. So I'll give like full disclosure about the IUD situation. I booked an appointment to take my IUD out, maybe in May or something of a sort. And that date came up and I didn't go to the appointment. Cause I just didn't feel ready. I didn't want to. And I just loves my IUD. I love my comfort I felt with it. And so then in September, I just felt like, let's just take it out, not because we're going to try, but just because if we do want to try, I wouldn't mind having a few months or a year in between me and having birth control. And so when I took it out, I definitely wasn't like, let's start trying. But then we took it out and we weren't really paying attention. And then I didn't get pregnant. And then now I have this fear of like, oh, can we? No, I think you got to give yourself time. Like I've talked to so many people who had children and they sometimes, some of them say it took six months. And that's not a lot of time. What? Six months is not a lot. Like there are people who've done it, take, tried for years. Obviously there's a lot of people who have to go the IVF route because it's not possible for them. So even that like we tried for six months is a success story to me. Really? That sounds like a lot of time to you. Yeah, it does. It sounds like, oh man. And they said that they were doing it every day. Yeah? Yeah. The last video that you and Rishma did, I learned a lot from that. I didn't know that there was one day out of the whole cycle that you can have, you know, get pregnant, you know? But I guess there's gray areas cause sperm can live longer. But what are the chances of that, right? Well, decreases I guess by day by day. But yeah, like it is a very small window. And I read a stat that said that 2% of acts of sex lead to pregnancy, which doesn't sound like a lot, but it is a lot at the same time. So, and as you get older, that's a thing too, like your chances of fertility to decrease. And that's I guess sort of where my fear around this whole thing comes in because I really feel now, like I do want to start having a family with you. In an honest to God ideal world, I would wait another two more years. Yeah, I was gonna say, this is like an extreme time for you because of everything that's going on. And, you know, stuff that the audience probably doesn't even know about yet. It's like you, I don't know if you have the luxury of being pregnant right now because of certain obligations that you may or may not have to do. Yeah. You know? So, what do you mean? What do you mean? No, no, I'm just looking at you. No. With love. I am. So paranoid. No, I'm a very, very, I can read the face very well. We talked about this, I have resting bitch face. I can read the face very well. It's not even about her resting. It's about the way her eyes trail. I can tell what she's thinking. You do have one rogue nose hair. I'll say that. See? 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Look, if you're still listening to this voice, all I'm saying in short is go check it out, build a website for free, have fun, and when you're ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash Shambudi to get 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Yeah, I just know that I'm already as is gonna be an older mom. And so I feel like time isn't the luxury that we used to have. And to your point, we have so much to give right now. We have so much to offer. And I also think too, it's about sharing it with our family members. Yeah. You know, like sharing it with your family who really wants it, my family who half wants it, my dad is like super against it. So. He says this now, but he's gonna be grandpa of the year. Yeah. But now, yeah, he is definitely not pro-pro-creation. And rightfully so. I get where he stands for it. His stance is like, you guys are building so much and you're not even halfway done building what you're gonna build. So why throw a kid into that mix? But it's also on the other hand, it's like now or never, you know? That's kind of like the feeling that I feel is like, if we don't do it in the next two or three years, then it's kind of like... Well, how does? I think that played a part of me making that decision of like wanting a kid or not. It's like, okay, we only have like a grace period of like five years, give or take, of like having the childhood and the parenting style that we want. Cause once you get to a certain age you're too old, you're not attached to that kid. Like as far as understanding the frame of minds, you're just not gonna be a good parent. So I don't wanna be an old ass parent being like, oh, that's Johnny just doing his thing. And meanwhile, he's on the internet doing some crazy stuff. And you have no idea, no idea. So I mean, I just feel like it forced me to think about, okay, do I really wanna make this decision of not having kids or do I wanna have kids? Would you, if you had a wife who was your age, would you be having this conversation right now? Probably not. I feel like that is a huge factor in it. You know what I mean? Like knowing that like as you get older, the harder the bounce back game is. You know what I mean? And I don't necessarily wanna put you through that. So like, I feel like right now your bounce back game should still gonna be strong, you know? But if you wait eight years, who knows, you know? Yeah. How does that affect the body after pregnancy? Well, I really appreciate though, because I feel like you're the perfect compromise for me in that we both have an intention and a desire, but don't put the pressure on it. My fear is that I've made a lot of choices for me. I have, and then I've worked out, I love my life. You know, I love my career. I love where we live. I love our bank account. I love what we share. Like I have put off family planning because I've prioritized myself. And even my birth control choices have been me prioritizing myself. And so I have really boasted about being the woman who can have it all. And now I'm like, well, what if you can't? You know what I mean? Like what if I made choices that now restrict me from making other choices that I want later in life? And so that's kind of the scary part for me. Well, I don't think you have to worry about that. Because if you really wanted one, there's ways. There's, if you're like, this is dire need, I need to have this. There's clinics, there's ways to make this happen. And even if you feel like I want a child, you know, there's surrogates. There's ways to move around, you know, the limitation of the body. I think that's the good thing about being in an error that we live in with so much technology, we can put things off and still get what we want out of it. You may not be able to carry it. You may not be able to do those type of things, but I think that, and I don't know, I guess that's a distant motherhood in a way. If that's what you care about. But if you care about just having a healthy kid and be able to make the decisions for yourself, then there is options that we can go through. And I like that you say it was like nothing on it. I think that we think that, oh, if we don't have a baby the way that we saw that my mom did or with it, I expected to have it that I'm going to feel not as magical. But it's not true, you know? Yeah, it's not true. It's like, you know, there's people have different ways of moving in life. So at the end of the day, no one's living your life, only you are. So you can't make decisions based off of like what people, I guess, have opinions on. I guess there's like a line of moral values and stuff, but this is not a moral value type of situation. This is just a straight, we decided to wait 10 years, so we're going to have to go through somebody, a younger person, you know what I mean? I don't think that that's an issue. I think, you know, it is what it is. Yeah. You know, it is what it is. And sometimes you have to make decisions that are tough and doesn't mean that, it doesn't take away from the magic of having a kid. There's so much more. Like anybody can have a baby. Well, not anybody, there's people who can't, but like a lot of people can have a baby, but it's very hard to raise a kid. So that should be the focus. Like how magical did you raise that kid? Maybe. That's it. I don't think I have any else to cover off on it. I think that this is going to be an interesting journey and one that I think we, I'm actually grateful to have the time to continue to examine how I feel. Yeah, I was going to say actually, this would be like an intro video. I think that this video will probably go smoother if you guys come up with questions and then give us questions, we can answer that. I just think that we're both for kind of in the same space. So there's no discussion happening, but I think that if you guys want to know more about it and more how we feel, I guess we can get some questions from you guys and then do an updated video. Yeah. Yeah. And that's the one thing I said in the previous video with Dr. Rishma is that somebody said, oh, look, she has a stuffed animal in front of her stomach. She's already pregnant. And I'm not that kind of predictions. And I didn't tell my family that I had my IUD removed until like two months later because I didn't want for people to start constantly like, oh, it's her face puffy. Oh, is this like, and then guess, and then I'm not. And then I have to like live through that disappointing feeling of when you get your period in front of other people several times, you know, a month. So I just don't want people to be constantly speculating because if I have to say I'm not, it feels like I'm failing. And I don't want to feel that way. Even this, like there was a big part of me that did not want to share this. And there is a small part of me that feels like this gives haters satisfaction, like. So what? So what? We gotta feed you guys too. Feed the haters too. It's just like, it's like, if they get satisfaction on us trying to have a kid and failing, that's some evil shit. So y'all gotta figure that out. Yeah, so I just to say this weird discussion that I would like to continue to have kind of sporadically, not say that it's gonna become a fertility channel, but this is a part of our journey, like everything else has been the way that we have shared our relationship evolution. I think that when it's appropriate, we'll jump on here with any news that we have. I can say something that I'm very, very proud of is that when Dr. Rishma said, you should treat yourself like you already are pregnant if you want to get pregnant. And I really feel like we do that. I think that we're doing all that we can do with the tools that we have. And that makes me feel really good. Yeah, see you guys next time.