 For the safety of your smile, use pepsidon twice a day. See your dentist twice a year. Lever Brothers Company presents the pepsidon show, My Friend Irma, created by Cy Howard and starring Marie Wilson as Irma with Joan Banks as Jane. Friendship! Friendship! Just a perfect friendship! When other friendships have been forgotten, there's will still be hope! Fable about the dog crossing the bridge with a bone in his mouth, and how he saw his reflection in the water and thought it was another dog holding a larger bone. So he tried to get it, but when he opened his mouth, the bone fell out of it and he ended up with an empty stomach. Well this little story reminds me of my roommate Irma Peterson. Why? Because she must have looked in the mirror one day, opened her mouth and her brain fell out. Now don't get me wrong, I love Irma. And to me, Jane Stacey, she's the best roommate a girl ever had. It's just that some of the things she says really are from Dixie. For instance, the other day I was reading about the strides made in television. And I said, Irma? Yes Jane? Do you know that they've just come out with a television set that has an indoor area that goes right inside your room? Well I don't see why we should buy one of those. I've already seen everything that's in our room. Well, now I know how it feels to be in the Navy. You go through life with an anchor. But that's the way it goes with my friend Irma. Every day something unusual happens, like the other day the door opened and in came a breathless Irma who said, Oh Jane, I'm so excited. I can hardly talk. Guess what? All right, what? Al is about to make me the luckiest woman in the world. He's leaving town? Of course not. He's committing suicide? Oh Jane, be serious. All right, out with it. Al is going to marry me. But Irma, that's impossible. Your raise hasn't come through yet. And I'm giving my name too? I'm serious. Irma, you needn't look at me that way. I refuse to believe it. Who's going to be the best man at the wedding? The man from the unemployment office? Well that's what I'm trying to tell you Jane. Al is coming to some money. $500. $500 and you want to get married? Believe me Irma, that's not enough for a nest egg. But Jane, we don't want to raise birds. We want to have children. Irma, that's just an expression. And what is more, before I believe this fairy tale, I'd like to know one thing. How did this Horatio Alger in reverse boyfriend of yours manage to get his hands on $500 honest American dollars? He got it by honest work. He got an unusual tip on a heart. What do you mean an unusual tip? Well he saw a jockey coming out of a drug store with an arm full of drugs and since he knew the jockey wasn't sick he bet on the horse. And the horse won? Won. Al said this stuff made the horse run so fast they had to lasso it to get the jockey off. I don't know, even with that windfall I still don't think he'll marry you. Oh he will Jane. Isn't that wonderful? I've waited so long for him and now it will be just a short while before I hear the preacher say those wonderful words. Two dollars please. And with Al it'll be an I.O.U. Come in. Flowers for Miss Peterson. Flowers? Oh they must be from Al. Thank you sir. I'd like to give you a tip but I must save the money for my children's piggy bank. I get all kinds of excuses but this is a new high. Sometimes I'm sorry I ever graduated from college. Cush you open it. Alright honey. Oh here's a card for you honey, read it. Oh it's in Al's handwriting. Dear chicken, with these flowers I send you a message of love in the heart of a rose. Be careful when you smell them chicken don't get no thorns in your nose. Oh look how he worries about me. Signed and to be. There Jane do you believe it now? Well I don't know what to say. I guess the miracle has come to pass. I might as well get out the rice and old shoes. No Jane don't cook tonight we'll go to a restaurant. I know what you mean Irma and I forgive you because you're really excited. Are you happy for me Jane? Of course I am honey. I couldn't be any happier if this were happening to me. Suddenly me Professor Kropatsky. Girl why are you crying? Who died? Al's finally going to marry you? Oh my little darling. The old professor is so happy for you. Oh girls I haven't cried like this since the first time I looked at my room. Tell me Irma what finally decided you and Al to get married? A horse. You mean Mrs O'Reilly talked Al into her. He's running at the racetrack and he says now he's going to be able to pop the question. Oh I'm so happy for you and Irma since your parents are so far away maybe you would make the old professor happy by letting me give you away at the wedding. Professor of course you can take the place of my father maybe Mrs O'Reilly could take the place of my mother. Yes and maybe on the way to the church I could give her away. Or are you going to have the wedding in the daytime? Oh Mrs O'Reilly guess what Irma is getting married. Oh Jane you shouldn't have mentioned it now Mrs O'Reilly will feel bad because she didn't bring me a present. Glory be Irma darling I'm as happy for you as if you were my own child. Thanks Mrs O'Reilly. Oh marriage is such a wonderful thing. So many men don't know what they're missing when they stay single. Mrs O'Reilly you can talk until you are blue in the face I don't hear you. Don't be so conceited professor for your information a man twenty years old of them is self wants to marry me. That's nice but the thing that bothers me is how can he make a living a man eighty years old. Don't go and suck in me age and if you had any brains you'd know there's no such thing as an old woman these days. A little fix in there and a little massage in here and a little paint there and a woman is as streamlined as a roadster. I got news for you Mrs O'Reilly the bottom has dropped out of the used car market. If it knows Hitler knows please please please the two of you. This is a time for rejoicing not bickering. Oh excuse me Irma darling we should know better tell me are we invited to the wedding. Of course you are you're my dearest friend. Well now sweetie don't you worry about a thing I'll take care of all the details in fact I'll be delighted. The way Richard has been stalling me it'll probably be as close to a wedding as I'll ever get. Oh thanks Jane and since I'm going to see Al tonight I better start getting dressed. Talking about dressing Irma darling I'm a little worried about what I'll wear to your wedding. Well Professor what's the matter with the tuxedo you have it looks wonderful on you. No Jane you saw it only in the daytime at night it lights up and says eat at the gypsy tiro. To me this is a little too commercial for a sentimental thing like a wedding. Well I have no problem I'm going down to me hope chest and get out the gown I'll be wearing at the wedding. Mrs. O'Reilly you're not going to wear that same one you wore at the fireman's ball. Why do you think it was a little too revealing. Yes your face stuck out. Goodbye girls. Bye you old bachelor. Oh sweetie I'm really very happy for you but I've got to leave you now because I'm having lunch with Richard. Say maybe if I order some orange blossoms and rites he'll take the hint. All right Jane I have to read I have to practice my lines. Goodbye. Let's see. Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded wife. I do. No that's wrong let's see. Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded husband. I do. No. No. Do you take this awfully wedded woman. I'm so glad you dropped by. Dearie. Amber you look lovely. This is my new fur pee. Oh it's beautiful Amber. I'm glad you like it. It's fresh killed you know. My boyfriend Gerald the jockey was on a hunting trip last week and he ran over it. It looks like a porcupine. Well Gerald is very thoughtful he knows I like to have my back scratched. What's new with you. Well Amber the most wonderful thing has happened. Al and I are going to get married. Honey prices are going down so you don't have to pick from the bottom of the barrel. You haven't got a chance for happiness. Why not. Dearie did you read the February issue a true happiness. No I didn't. Well it's got an article by Dr. Wenland Fischel the noted marriage analyst. And he says that 99% of all married couples that are divorced are separated because they couldn't get along. With each other. Yeah. You see dearie let's face it. Most men are crumbs. Oh but my owl is so sweet. That's what you think now. When they're courting you it's like Halloween. They all disguise themselves as human beings. But after you're married they switch over to Labor Day and you find yourself working for them. Oh Amber you're bitter. Look dearie after you've been jilted by eight guys you learn a few things. And like Dr. Fischel says in his article most people rush into marriage and then get separated. The smart people have the trial separation first and then if they miss each other they get married. What should I do Amber? Take my advice don't see Al for a week. Don't write to him or answer his phone calls. You look at this as an experiment as if the two of you were a couple of guinea pigs. A person besides it might have some effect on our children. Love dearie I want you to be happy and you gotta be so careful. Look when you make a mistake in the office you can rub it out. But when you're married sister it costs an awful lot of money for an eraser. Oh Amber you've convinced me and as soon as Al gets here I'll kill him. No dearie when you see him you'll weaken. Get away from here. Say I got an idea I'll stash you away up in my place in the Bronx. It'll be just like your quarantine. Quarantine? Yeah anything wrong with that? No it's just that it's not sentimental it makes marriage seem like a disease. Pepsident toothpaste fights film on teeth and cleans breath too. Pepsident toothpaste gives film on teeth the old skin. Don't think that you are safe from film. Run the tip of your tongue over your teeth. If you feel a slippery coating you have film and you need pepsident with earium to remove it. Or film is worse than you think. Film collects stains that make your teeth look dull. Remember pepsident toothpaste removes film makes your teeth look bright. Film harbors germs that cause unpleasing breath. True but pepsident removes film makes your breath fresh and clean. Film glues acid to your teeth. The very acid many dentists agree is the cause of tooth decay. That's right but pepsident toothpaste removes film and the acid it contains. Film never lets up it forms continually on your teeth. Yes you have to fight film every day. Brush your teeth twice a day with pepsident toothpaste. Because no other toothpaste can duplicate pepsident film removing formula. No other toothpaste contains earium or pepsident's gentle polishing agent. So start now to fight film with pepsident. The toothpaste with an exclusive formula for removing film. Cheer up sister and you too mister pepsident. Pepsident. The place for you. When I went out to meet Richard I left Irma with her head in the clouds. But it must have rained since then. For now I am sitting in the apartment holding a note in my hand which could bring tears to the eyes of a potato. And for 15 minutes I've been trying to decipher its meaning. Well I'll read it once more. Then I'm going to send for the wagon to take me away. Dear Jane I will not see you for a week because Dr. Wenland Fischel says the price of erasers have gone up. And Amber and I are living in the Bronx like two guinea pigs. So when Al calls explain that this is a trial separation and if he does not understand tell him not to feel too bad about it as I do not either. But I know it's for the best. Try not to get in touch with me as I am quarantine. Have never felt better. Love, guess who? Oh mother this brainstorm of ermas is a new low. Come in. Here comes the bride all dressed in white. Very good bride to be Jenny. We are practicing for the wedding. Yes where's my little darling ermas. But you can both stop practicing the wedding has been postponed. Oh that's terrible. And I was just about to tell her that I wanted to give her a shower. She'd be in solid. She'd think it was something personal. Here read this note. Let me see. Ask for a trial separation before marriage. Well that's ridiculous. This is like scratching your head before a ditches. Well maybe little ermas wants to make certain. Many of us girls have been stuck with a pig in a poke. Well you are concerned I don't consider that being stuck. Now just keep me out of this. I can see ermas' point of view. I went through misery with my late husband Clancy. After we were married he'd run around all night with his carousel and fun making. I had to stay home but I managed to get my fun in too. How? I used to hide in back of the door and when he came in I'd say, And let him have it over the head with a chair. Well you know I never take outside when I can help it. But I really think ermas' idea of a trial separation is preposterous. And I know where she got the idea. She's under the influence of Amber Lipscott. That loud mouth female impersonator. There's no telling what can happen. I've got to get ermas back home from the Bronx. Do you think you should interfere Jenny? After all Amber outweighs you. Conservatively speaking by a hundred pounds. Look Professor, I know erma. She has a mind like a bed and someone has to make it up for her. I wonder what that erma and amber are doing up in the Bronx. Separated now? Forty-five minutes full of a watch time. Isn't it easy dearie? Well I miss Al terribly and what if he gets annoyed by my quarantine? Look dearie, if a person loves you ten years is not a long time. I know. I've waited. Well I've started, I might as well go through with it. Oh sure dearie. You don't want to be married and have a sink full of dishes while your husband runs around and the baby is crying and the milkman wants his bill paid and you have to make excuses for your husband who's lost money on the horses. Oh of course not. No, well I'll get it dearie. Hello? May I speak to erma Peterson? Hold it lady-aster. Emma, you're stuck up roommate. Well what can I tell her? Just remember what I just got through telling you about marriage. Oh Jane? Erma, what in the world are you up to? Al just called for the eighth time and he's frantic. What should I tell him? Well tell him it's for our future happiness Jane. I don't want what happens to a number of people to happen to me. I'm not going to sit in the sink with Bill while my husband runs around with the milkman. My babies are washing the horses. Dearie, you're lousin' up the whole bet. I'm not that exactly right but you know what I mean don't you? No I don't. Well I'm not going to weaken. What else did Al say? Well he just said that he knew for the last time if you don't come home I'm coming up there and drag you out if I have to pull you by the hair. No Jane you can't, I did have a permanent. What's wrong dearie? Jane is coming up here. She is? Well that's just dandy. I can't wait until she walks in. As soon as she opens up her kisser I'm going to let her have it so hard she'll look like part of the wallpaper. Who, who can that be? I'll find out. Who's there? It's me, Mushy. Where'd he man? Hello Amy. Hello Mushy, what do you want? Well Al got your message and he's just gone to pieces to think that you could doubt him. Oh I don't doubt him. Just tell him that he's on trial. Amy you know Al. If I mention the word trial he'll blow town. Well that guy really loves you Amy. Here is your box of candy he sends you with a note. Give me the candy Amy. Why? This is a real separation. You gotta forget that Al exists and I'll help you. I'll eat the candy. Well just let me read this note. I'll read it to you. Uh, dear chicken. See it's good to hear his voice again. I cannot under... Well that's how he spells understand. And how you can doubt me. After all I thought that the girl who was going to marry me would think more of me than my best friends do. At first I was very angry with you but now I understand your angle. So wish you would just eat the bottom layer of the candy as the top one will make you very... Amber. Feels so good. Enjoy the bottom layer. Uh, let me finish the note. Um, get together again. I cannot wait a week. You mean so much to me. I have already told them at the unemployment office that my financial worries are over as I am getting married. Give Mushi your answer. Love, Al. Well, Aimee, what is the answer? Aimee? Mushi, tell Al I'm just as miserable as he is but in a week from now we'll be married and we can share our misery. Okay, Aimee. You gotta dime for subway fare. Dime? Yeah. I'll pay my fare here but he says since marriage is a 50-50 proposition he didn't want to leave you out of it. Here's my heat. Oh, thanks, Aimee. Goodbye. Aimee, I'm proud of you. You got character. But I'm not. I'm just locked up in a castle and out there insured force is a man I love. Robinson Crusoe. Uh, yes, yes it is Amber. Do you mind if I come in? Yes, and no cracks about my place. I think it's very charming. It smells and you know it. Look, Amber, I don't want to start any trouble. I resent your tone. I never start trouble. I have my opinion of you and you have your opinion of me and you ought to be ashamed of yourself. Have a piece of candy. Oh, thanks. From the top layer. Irma, can I have a word with you in private? How dare you describe my place that way? Please, Amber. Irma, I want you to understand I never thought much of Al, but you love him. He wants to marry you. Now he has a little money and this is your chance. But Jane Amber says that it's a smart thing to do. Well, I think it's asinine. It's a good thing you agree with me or I'd let you have it. Just a second. Irma, it's your Al. Well, go on. Talk to him, Irma. Amen. The doctor says the separation must be complete or it won't take. Please, Jane. Oh, hello Al. Irma is here and so is that, uh, M-O-R-O-E-R. Well, be a loyal wife. She hasn't even got a car. I've got to talk to you. It's very important. Amen. Longer to marry him. He's a man I love. Of course, Cole, son of... I think that you are safe from film. Nearly everyone has it. Just run your tongue over your teeth. If you feel a slippery coating, that's film. And you'd better get pepsidant toothpaste to remove it. For film collects stains that make teeth look dull. It harbors germs that cause unpleasing breath. Film glues acid to your teeth. The very acid that many dentists agree is the cause of tooth decay. And remember, film never lets up. So brush your teeth twice a day with film removing pepsidant. No other toothpaste can duplicate pepsidant's film removing formula. Get pepsidant with earium today. ... Pep pep-sidant toothpaste fights film on teeth and cleans breath too. Pep pep-sidant toothpaste gives film on teeth the old skedoo. Well, I'm still living with an old maid of 24 who is still in love with a mad genius, age unknown. But having learned her lesson, she won't do anything that will separate her from Al. In fact, at this very minute, I am trying to clean the apartment and Irma is sitting on Al's lap. Irma, will you please get up for a minute so I can finish the cleaning? No, I'm not going to take any chances. Just mop around it. Well, speaking of mops reminds me of spring cleaning. But what I, Jane Stacey, wonder is, if even with spring cleaning, the cobwebs will ever come out of the head of my friend Irma. My friend Irma is produced and directed by Si Howard. Park Levy writes the script with Stanley Adams and Roland McLean, and it is brought to you by Pepsidon Toothpaste with Irma, another fine product of Lieberbrothers Company. Her name will start as Irma with Joan Banks as Jane. Part of Al is played by John Brown. Hans Connery was heard as Professor Profotkin and Gloria Gordon as Mrs. O'Reilly. Music was under the direction of Lud Blaskin. Trouble on the telephone. When he phoned, she was telling him, I'd love to go, Herb, but I promised Mother I'd stay in. That's what she said, but what she was thinking. Oh, Herb, you could be nice to be with, but nobody likes you with film on your teeth. Herb ought to remember, and you should too, that film makes your teeth look dull. It breeds bad breath, glues acid to your teeth, and film never lets up. So fight it with film removing Pepsidon. Get Pepsidon Toothpaste with Irma today. When you contribute to the 1949 Red Cross Fund, you are not just giving to the Red Cross. You are giving through the Red Cross to the American people. Yes, the American Red Cross is a partnership of the people of America. So give, and give generously to your Red Cross. Tune in one hour earlier next week and listen to the Lux Radio Theater followed by the Pepsidon show My Friend Irma. Both brought to you by Lever Brothers Company. When the Nile's speaking, this is CDS, the Columbia Broadcasting System.