 A lot of people trying to get sober or first getting sober are wondering what it's like to date when you get sober. Well, in this video, I'm going to talk about my first sober date and you're not going to want to miss it. So stay tuned. What is up everybody? This is Chris from the Rewired Soul where we talk about the problem, but focus on the solution. And this is another video for my broken picker series. So make sure you check out the whole playlist because it's all about relationship stuff and about how we often put ourselves in bad situations when it comes to relationships. So like I mentioned in this video, I'm going to talk about my very first date when I got sober. And just because there's not really a place for me to plug this into the story, I'm going to make it very clear, very, very clear. There's going to be points in this story where you're going to be like, Hey, Chris, but did you sleep with her? And the answer is no, I did not. All right, so just get that out of your head right now. All right, so let's dive into this thing. So the year was 2012. And I had destroyed my life because of my drug addiction because of my alcoholism. I was trying to get back up on my feet. And I kept hearing in meetings, don't date your first year, don't date your first year, don't date your first year. So when I finally got a sponsor, I was like, Hey, dude, what's all this stuff I keep hearing about not dating your first year? And my sponsor looks me straight in the eye and he's like, yo, it doesn't say anything about that in any of the literature. And I'm like, Okay, cool. This guy's given me a pass to date. So I ran with it. Now, here's something to take into consideration. My whole life, I had always had to be in a relationship. I was always looking for someone to fill that hole inside of me, much like we often do with drugs and alcohol. So it was very uncomfortable for me to be single or alone or, you know, I didn't know how to sit with those feelings. That's why I try to teach all of you beautiful people how to do that to avoid some toxic relationships. So one of the issues that many of us have when we first get clean is how are we going to date when we're clean and sober? Because for me, that was one of my reservations, like, how am I supposed to take a woman out on a date if we don't go out and have drinks? Like, that's the only way my brain knew how to go out on a date was to go to a bar and have some drinks. So I was like, how am I going to do that? But some of you out there might be worried too about how are you supposed to really tell somebody that you're sober or that you're clean? That's one of the reasons why so many people date inside of the rooms or I have people at my rehab who try to hook up and stuff, because we're worried about what's going to happen when we tell somebody, oh, by the way, I'm a recovering drug addict or I'm a recovering alcoholic. And if you want me to do a more dedicated video on that subject, leave a comment down below. But anyways, that was one of my concerns. So because of all the anxiety I had and everything like that, when I got clean, I decided to hit up the online dating scene. So I hopped on apps like plenty of fish and okay, Cupid and things like that. And I was talking to some people. And I ended up coming across this young woman and we were talking. And some time in the conversation, I was like, Yeah, by the way, I'm sober now, I don't drink or use drugs. And she's like, Oh, well, I actually used to be a drug and alcohol abuse counselor. And I'm like, Oh, sweet. This girl knows what I'm going through. She understands. So now I don't got to worry about her judging me or anything like that. I'm like, beautiful. This is a match made in heaven. So some time later, she tells me that she smokes pot. And I said, Okay, I don't care. That's cool. I smoke all the pot you want. All I ask is that you don't smoke around me. Like I was early in recovery, maybe three or four months. And I never liked weed, but I don't care if other people smoke weed. But I was so new. I was like, don't smoke weed around me, you know, and even now five and a half years, it's not like I'm, I'm going to houses where people are like hot box and you know, cars and rooms and stuff like that. Like, but anyways, I just asked her don't smoke around me. And she's like, Yeah, cool, whatever. So things are going great. Finally, it's like, Hey, let's hang out. So we were going to hang out. She invites me over to her place because I live with like my mom or something like that. So she invites me over to her place and I'm like, Okay, cool. I'll come over there. So I head over to her place. Now I'm going to pause this story real quick. I want to make it very clear in my early recovery. I was not the person I am now. So I'm going to say some things that might sound mean or judgmental, but I'm a lot more tolerant of people today. So I just wanted to take a break and say that real quick. So the first thing that I noticed was this is something that happens sometimes when you do the online dating thing. This girl did not look like her pictures at all, like at all. Okay, now throughout this story, I want you to take into consideration like the self awareness that we have to get when we get clean. So one of the things that I noticed, like, by the way, like, I don't, I don't, I'm not huge online, you know, I'm not looking for some paper thin girl or anything like that. But it's just like, don't lie to me. Like, if your pictures don't look like you, like you already lied to me, right? So she was a little bit bigger and stuff. And I'm cool with that. But I'm just like, why'd you lie to me? Right? But one thing that I noticed is my bar to my bar for physical looks changes now that I'm clean, right? Because when you're drunk or when you're high, like you lower your standards quite a bit. But I'm like, okay, you know what, I can get past this and I just kind of kept it to myself. So we're hanging out. We're hanging out. And here's the second thing I noticed. When I am sober, I have a much lower tolerance for annoying people. Like this girl annoyed the hell out of me. She would not stop talking. And it was just about the dumbest things, the dumbest things. And I'm like, oh my God. And I noticed that when I'm high or when I'm drunk, like if I took a girl out on a date to the bar, and it was our first date, like she could be as annoying as you wanted to. And it's like, yeah, yeah, just keep yapping away. And I could just sit over here and get drunk. Like I can tolerate people more when I'm drinking. So, you know, there was a physical aspect. And then there was just the conversational aspect where I noticed like being sober, like I have higher standards, right? So we're hanging out. And you know, it was, it was all right. It wasn't fantastic. But then all of a sudden, she leans over to the side of a couch. And all of a sudden, boom, she pulls out a gigantic bong. Okay, she pulls out a gigantic bong. And I'm just frozen. I'm like, is this, is this real life? Is this happening? And she proceeds to, you know, just light it up and just take a huge bong rip from this bong. And I'm sitting there like, I asked one thing, one thing that was it. So now I'm mad. So if any of you out there are like people, pleasers, or you have social anxiety, we get stuck in those situations where it's like, we want to leave, but we don't know how to say we want to leave. And that's kind of where I was stuck. So I ended up staying there for hours, hours just not knowing how to leave properly. And it was awkward and it was dumb. And eventually I made, I was like, okay, I'm tired. I'm going to leave, right? And like, I think I might have given her a hug and I left and I drove home. And like, all my roommates are waiting there, like, dude, how was your first date? How was your first date sober? How was it? And I was furious. I was furious. I'm like, I was like, not only did she like take pictures that didn't look like herself, she was annoying as hell. And I was like, and can you believe it? She started smoking pot right in front of me. I'm a recovering drug addict. And she started smoking me weed. And I was furious. I was so mad. And then I pretty much just ghosted her. I just stopped talking to her, right? But much like with our addiction, I took a little time off and then a day, two days, three days went by and all of a sudden I'm sitting there thinking, you know, I started getting lonely again. And I'm like, you know what? Maybe she wasn't that bad. Maybe I'm like judging her a little too harshly. Maybe she wasn't that annoying. And maybe she forgot that I asked her not to smoke weed. Maybe, you know, we make these justifications and these rationalizations, right? It's kind of like when we get higher drunk, like we can completely have a terrible blackout night before. And the next day we're like, you know what? It wasn't that bad. So I hit her up and said, Oh, yeah, sorry, I've been busy. Hey, let's go hang out again. Right. And we set up a time and she was totally cool with it. And I go back over to her house and I'm going to save you some of the agony, the exact same thing happened. She annoyed the hell out of me. And later on that night, she ended up smoking weed right in front of me again. And that's when I just started laughing at myself. I just started laughing that I put myself back into this situation. You know what I mean? So that was my first sober dating experience. So needless to say, I kind of go sit her again because I didn't really know how to break things off. So I just kind of left the picture. All right. But anyways, anyways, the moral of this story for anybody out there is not only was that my first dating experience and I just had to look back and laugh and say, maybe this is why people tell you not to date your first year. But I will make another video on this. I promise you about how I just sat back and I watched tons and tons of my friends get into relationships and they all crashed and burned. So spoiler alert, I ended up staying single for my first year and a half sober. All right. But anyways, that was the first sober date that I went on. You're welcome. I'm glad you sat around and listened to me to share that. And here's what I want to do. If you're somebody in recovery, let me know what your first dating experience was like down in the comments below. All right. I'm really interested to see what you guys got. But anyways, that's all the time I got. So if you liked this video, please give it a thumbs up. And if you are new here, make sure you click that little round subscribe button because I'm always making videos to help you out with addiction recovery as well as your relationships and mental health. If you want to check out some other videos, click or tap on one of those thumbnails. Thanks so much for watching. I'll see you next time.