 Hello there, my lovely beautiful internet friends. Welcome back to my channel. As we dive into today's video, I wanted to give you just a quick content warning that we are going to be touching on subjects today that involve abuse in my past. Nothing's going to be explicit in detail, but if this is not a topic that you would like to hear anything about today, which is completely understandable, I've linked a couple other videos down below that are light and fun and absolutely nothing serious that you are welcome to check out instead. But with that being said, let's dive into today's video. I'm going to be sharing today about a very positive medical experience I had. Shocking, I know I've talked about a lot of not so awesome ones, but this was a situation that needed to be handled sensitively and actually was. I'm going to be talking about today having pelvic exams and pelvic ultrasounds as someone who is a survivor of sexual assault. Having experienced sexual trauma, I developed a real aversion to anything that involved sex, sexuality, sexual organs, anything like that, unless it was in a completely controlled, understandable, compassionate, good environment, right? Oftentimes survivors of sexual assault do develop issues around things like going to the OBGYN because that can feel like a violating experience, even though there is no malice there, even though it is a perfectly normal and good thing to do if you are a person with female anatomy. But it also happens to be something that for many of my years, I avoided like the plague because putting myself back in a situation where people I really didn't know were going to be all up in my business for lack of a better term was awful. And the few times I've had to do that in the past, there was a ton of anxiety. I had to take medication. It's just not a good experience. But recently, I actually had a very positive one dealing with doctors in the ER and having to have a very unexpected pelvic ultrasound, which spiked my anxiety up to a thousand because usually if I have to have like an OBGYN appointment, I will schedule it a month in advance so I can mentally prepare. So a doctor coming into the room and being like, we're gonna do this in like 15 minutes, put me into, you know, instant tears and kind of a panic attack. So I wanted to tell you exactly how things unfolded, the really positive things that they did to help me out, some things I did to advocate for myself in hopes that this story might help you if you ever find yourself in a similar situation or dealing with anxiety around these sorts of exams at all. And as the story begins to unfold, I would like to introduce you to our amazing sponsors. Quick word, I really appreciate that they were willing to be a part of this video talking about the subject as it is something that is sensitive. And I've already loved this company for a very long time, but their willingness to do this with me means that much more to me. So let me introduce you to my favorite jewelry company, Ana Luisa Jewelry. I love the jewelry you currently see adorning me is by Ana Luisa Jewelry. Now, if you've been on this channel for a minute, you have definitely heard me talk about this brand before as I love being able to work with them because genuinely, I wear their jewelry just about every day. As I was going through recovery from the ZR visits and the kidney infection and all of that and not showering for days because I didn't have the energy. This might sound a little bit silly, but I would still put on jewelry in my unshowered kind of gross state because it made me feel a little bit more put together, a little bit more human. On the flip side, I also have used their jewelry for any fancy occasion that I've ever gone to because it's beautiful. I love it. I'm going to pop some clips up of all the videos that you have seen me wearing their stuff and they have a great variety to choose from. Their pieces are amazing to have personally and also make for great gifts and they will not break the bank with pieces starting around $39. Right now, there is a 20% sale going on and you can find that link in the description down below to access that sale and their website. There are a lot of jewelry companies out there, but one of the biggest reasons aside from the fact that I think they're beautiful that I've drawn to this company in particular is the fact that they are all about sustainability. They are a carbon-neutral company, which for a jewelry company is a pretty big deal. These are all a few pieces that they recently sent me. We have this delightful little gold bracelet with these cute little flower charms on it, also this necklace set, and my current favorite earrings that I've been wearing just about every day, these beauties. Check them out today by clicking on that link in the description and without further ado, let's get back to the video. So over the past couple weeks, I have found myself in and out of the ER more times than I ever have been in my life, which is saying something. For really bad pelvic and abdominal pain, I had a bad kidney infection and I kind of blamed everything on that for a little while when we began to figure out that maybe there was more going on. So I had to go back to the ER and while I was there, they ran the normal tests, discovered my kidneys were actually doing better, which was great news, so I shouldn't be having this kind of pain and this kind of lower abdominal pain that felt incredibly sharp and way beyond the normal realm of cramping sort of pain. And so the doctor said, I think we're just going to go ahead and call in the ultrasound tech and get an ultrasound done. And I didn't think much of it in the moment because I've had ultrasounds that are like, you know, over your stomach, whatever before. Okay, that's fine. But the more I thought about it, I was like, the pain I'm having is ovarian. Like the thought of, could this be a pelvic ultrasound began to terrify me and I called the nurse back in. Real quick, if you don't know what that is, it is a fairly invasive, if you are a woman procedure in which ultrasound is actually internal. And so it is way more, I've already said invasive, but invasive than just over your skin. I asked the nurse who called out to the doctor, you know, what type of ultrasound is this? And they're like, Oh yeah, it's a pelvic ultrasound. Being in the ER, being worried about my body and then being told that I was going to have to undergo this thing, which is a huge trigger for my trauma. I kind of broke down. I started crying. I couldn't talk for a moment or two. The nurse was like, do you, do you, are, what's going on? And my husband was kind of enough to speak up as I've asked him to do in these situations before and inform them that I was a victim of sexual assault, which kind of explains the reaction that I was having. Now, I actually have not told previous OBGYN doctors unless it came up, like if I was going to have to have some kind of exam, I haven't informed them that this is something I'm incredibly sensitive to and scared of because I was terrified of saying it out loud for many years of my life. In retrospect, I really wish I would have been more forthcoming with my doctors. I really wish I would have said, I need extra help and support when it comes to this stuff because I am freaking the hell out. But I never did that before. I think it was like scared of the reaction or scared of not being listened to and even just scared of putting things into words. So my husband doing that for me, I really appreciated. And I didn't really expecting the thing to come of it aside from them being like, Oh, we're sorry, you're having a hard time. The tech will be in soon. My experience was very different though that the tone really shifted. And I'm not sure if I've already released the video or if I'm about to, but I will be detailing out the whole range of very bad medical experiences I've had over the past two weeks dealing with all of this. But this was the one bright light in all of that where there was suddenly actually a lot of compassion and patience. The doctor came back in and let me know, we don't have to do this. You are completely in control. And because I have had control of my body taken away from me in the past, hearing those words repeatedly was something that was so soothing and so important to know that I was in control here. This is my body. This is my experience. We don't have to do this. We can schedule it for another time. Sincerely, whatever you need. That was absolutely incredible of her to do. But beyond that, they went ahead and let the ultrasound tech know ahead of time and she came in really quickly introduced herself, you know, looked me in the eye said, this is who I am. This is what we're going to be doing. I understand that this might be difficult for you. Is there anything that I can do or we can do to make it a more comfortable experience for you? They weren't even ready to do my exam yet. So there were a couple other people to get through, but she took time out of her day to come talk to me hear any concerns that I had. And even having those two positive experiences with professionals really lowered the amount of anxiety that I was feeling in talking with the doctor talking about different actions. There was also the suggestion of medication. You know, there are things that they can give you that make you a little bit more relaxed, which in this case, I was like, yes, absolutely sign me up sounds good, which I normally might not, you know, ask for or accept. But in this situation, it seemed like something that be very beneficial to my overall mental and physical well being. So I went ahead with that. So the ultrasound tech leaves comes back when it's my turn and continues this conversation of, Hey, you know, other patients I've had who have had similar experiences to your past trauma have told me that it's really helpful if I talk them through absolutely everything. So how does that sound? How about I tell you absolutely everything before I do it? I'll be super communicative. And I really appreciated that. And that is exactly what she did as she went through the process of insertion and going through the whole exam, which took probably about 20 minutes. She told me absolutely every movement, everything that she was doing, why they were doing it that way, what images they were taking, what they might be looking for me. Here's where we're going next. And just that constant communication was amazing. Also, they made it very clear. I was more than welcome to have my husband in the room with me. Even in the midst of a medical situation that was otherwise pretty unpleasant, I was very impressed with how this emergency room handled this disclosure of I'm a victim of assault and this is going to be very difficult for me. When you live in the world that we live in, that's not always the reaction you get. Oftentimes, there's a lack of care lack of concern, very often a lack of belief. Unfortunately, a lot of victim blaming, depending on what kind of situation or conversation you're having. So to have medical professionals actually know how to handle this situation was amazing. It makes such a difference to be respected, to be listened to, and to have people have a little bit even of patience with you. I was really grateful for how those doctors and texts and nurses handled me and the particular needs that I had in the situation. So with that being said, speaking from personal experience, here are just a few things that I would recommend if you are also a victim of assault or abuse or someone who just is very deeply uncomfortable with these sorts of exams or visits. Number one, like I said earlier, I really wish I would have told my doctors prior in life over the past 10 years that this is something I get really freaked out about because then they would have been empowered to better serve me. They could have made me more comfortable. They could have taken more time or had more patience where instead I didn't want to say it. So I just kind of froze up and it can almost become this retraumatizing experience. So first and foremost, if you are in a position where you can disclose, this makes me deeply uncomfortable or I am a victim of something that makes this extra hard for me. Is there anything that you guys know to do that might make this easier for me? That can be a really great way of communicating. And the second thing is having someone tell me exactly what they were doing at all times when you can't really see what they're doing yourself because you're usually covered with a sheet was really important. So instead of like dead silence, I mean like, oh, okay, all right, everything looks good like I've had in previous experiences. Someone taking the time to tell me exactly what was going to happen before it happened decreased my anxiety levels significantly and asking a person who's going to be examining you ahead of time if they're willing to do that and making sure that they're on board with that can be a really great thing as well. As a whole, this experience was still difficult. It's not something that I am comfortable with. I doubt I maybe ever will be. But the steps that were taken by my doctor and nurses and tech, like I said, really, really helped. My husband and I were talking the other day about how a doctor's attitude towards you, even if they don't have the answers, kind of makes or breaks things in a lot of situations. And that was definitely the case here. That doctor in particular was not very helpful to me. She didn't solve anything. However, taking the time to slow down, to take time out of her day to sit with me and say, Hey, you're in control here, whatever you need, we can make happen was so abnormal to what I've experienced in the medical system. And I do think that letting someone know I do have some special needs around this thing was kind of the gateway to allow that to happen. And overall, the steps that were taken sort of brought my anxiety level from like a nine down to like a six or a seven, where I'm still not great. I'm still not okay. But it's not a situation that is triggering anything in me. It's no longer feeling like it's re traumatizing. It's just an uncomfortable experience. One that I prefer to not have for a very long time, but unfortunately is a part of being a biological woman and sometimes having these issues. I want to take just a quick detour to say that if you're listening to this video, because you are someone who has gone through some kind of abuse or assault, my heart is with you. You're not alone. I know what it feels like to go through something like that, to live with it, to try to process that trauma, to be met with situations that suddenly bring it all bubbling back up out of nowhere and how weird that can be. So please know that if you're experiencing anxiety around something like this, it is perfectly normal to feel that way. And hopefully some of these steps will help ease some of that for you. And if they don't, there are a variety of resources out there that could help as well. I've linked some of those down below. And if this trauma is something we've both experienced, I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. No one deserves that. You didn't deserve that. It wasn't your fault. And I'm so sorry. This is something you have to deal with. These were a few steps that were taken that really helped to make me feel more comfortable. And I hope ensuring the story maybe it will enable you to have different conversations with your OBGYN in the future if this is something that applies to you. It definitely was very eye-opening to me. I sometimes think that I just shut down to all doctors because of bad experiences that I've had over and over again. But taking a risk and expressing that you have a need, it's very vulnerable, but it also can really pay off in positive ways. And that was definitely one of those situations for me. And I'm very, very thankful for the people involved that evening that made this much more palatable than it would have been. If any of those things sound helpful to you, use them. Fantastic. If they don't, check them out the window. Everybody is different. Different strategies of tactics work for everybody to make you more comfortable. So those are just a few things that work for me. If you feel like sharing any additional things when it comes to this kind of situation in the comment section down below, I would love to hear. I'm sure my other viewers would love to hear from you as well. So feel free to leave that down below. A huge thank you again to our sponsor, Ana Luisa Jewelry. I cannot recommend them highly enough. Like I said, I wear them in just about every single video because I wear them just about every single day. So check out that 20% off sale that is going on right now. Using the link down below, it helps us support this channel. And also this is a brand I really believe in. To my patrons over on Patreon, thank you so much for your continued amazing and generous support. It means more to me than you know. And to you watching this video right now, thank you so much for spending a few minutes out of your day here with me today. You could be anywhere else in the world doing anything else. And you chose to hang out with me for just a few minutes. And I really appreciate that. I love you guys. I'm thinking about you and I will see you in the next video. Bye guys.