 You are about to be entertained by some of the biggest names in show business for the next hour and 30 minutes this Program will present in person such bright stars as Fred Allen Jack Carson Portland Harper Dennis King Beatrice Lilly Norris Mercure Edwin The West Point Choir Meredith Wilson, and my name darlings is to Lula Bankhead The National Broadcasting Company presents the big show The big show 90 minutes with the most scintillating personalities in the entertainment world Brought to you this Sunday and every Sunday at the same time as the Sunday feature of NBC's all-star festival And here is your hostess the glamorous Unpredictable to Lula Bankhead Thanks a special show train brought our audience to see the big show More than 3,000 people came from in on the New Haven Railroad show train from Boston Providence Westerly Hartford Berlin Meledon Wallingford New Haven Bridgeport Bridgeport Westport and Saga Tuck Norwalk and South Norwalk Dairy and New London and Stanford And they're all here for an evening of laughs Except 243 daily commuters who got off the train from force of habitment to the offices A bridge port you're not laughing These show trains are something new in show business it Used to be I would take a play to a theater in Boston now they bring Boston to me Right, what does she stop talking? Oh, what did to do about a show train? Well, that's a trouble with a woman emcee. Well, when do we get on the show? Well, who knows maybe she'll wave a Green Lantern. Yeah, where is the Green Lantern? Well, why don't you take it around? It's usually on the caboose I Carson and Edwin Did you hear what I was just saying fellas a whole train full of people coming from as far away as Boston just to see this show? Isn't it exciting? Well, isn't it? Are you gentlemen from Bridgeport? Tell her off Jack you leave it to me for I can handle these birds So you got an audience that came in on a show train big deal you can't get an audience any other way your railroad people into the theater How's that Fred? Good boy, Jack Thank you, but Fred darling think of it 3,000 people came here on a train just for this program to Lula It just goes to show you what people will do to get away from television Oh That was so good, Fred. I like that what you said it's your turn you get in there and tell oh, I think we shall I don't see what's so exciting about a show train. It's not a new idea, you know Well, ten years ago. I opened the show of mine in Boston and 1200 people got up in the middle of the phrase that can talk a train to New York The new fellas yes, you forgot that wasn't it silly anyway You fellas just can't stand a woman being a missus of ceremonies are the biggest show in radio Are you kidding? I'm through with radio. I I've been promoted to television Fatally me too. I graduated out of radio long ago into television. Well, I've even graduated out of television I'm in a new medium social security Why don't you fellas stop? I have seen you on television I should that be I've seen you on television. Why don't you fellas stop? So Lula, what's the use of arguing you know deep down in your larynx that all you can do with a radio is listen But in television you can see a lot of action. I can see more action looking out of my window Across the street. There's plenty of action and they don't stop every two minutes for a commercial Well, they certainly do commercials better on television to Lula they certainly do them better than they do on radio When they fry a steak on television, you can actually smell it That one's too easy darling. I won't take advantage of it Come on Fred you you get in here and tell her like I don't know much about television But I would like to say a few words in favor of social security And all I have to say to you to Lula is you should live so long Thank you darling. That's the youngest I've been on this program in months And I hope all of you live long enough to see an act like this presented on television It's the West Point choir singing the core 180 cadets in full dress brass buttons white gloves Get that on your television screen 180 all in one act. That's right darling, and I've met every one of them personally Sometimes it seems a shame to take the money on the show Gentlemen, I want you to meet alphabetically cadets out Alderman Andrews Albertan I've mentioned every one of those cadets What they wonderful Jack well, yes, they're all right for girls For girls. They're all men. What's better for men than girls? Bridgeport you're not laughing. I'm just snicker from Westport and so good Westpoint I could have gone to Westpoint, but I I chose Vassar instead You were Vassar sure. I'd still be there if I hadn't tried out for the swimming team You could never stand the rigors of Westpoint Jack now look those boys told me that every morning they hike they drill They march all that before breakfast. So what look at me this morning must start all in I Woke at six jumped out of bed opened the front door picked up the newspaper with one hand two bottles of milk and a pint of cream With the other and didn't drop a thing What's so tremendous about that? No string in my pajamas A bridgeport that was no time to laugh So little I'd like to ask you a question. Yes Don't answer until I ask you How much you'll be going out after the show, huh going out where darling? Well, we could go anywhere a stork club or my apartment to El Morocco or To my apartment Or the 21 or To my apartment. I heard the apartment. Jack. You said it three times. I have a three-room apartment If I got it all I got before going to the colony for dinner then to the theater and then to a night spot for some dancing Oh to Lou that sounds wonderful. Look you do that then I'll meet you at my apartment after You must be joking bridgeport doesn't seem to agree with you Well, here's somebody bridgeport will agree with my favorite actor just walked into the theater one of Broadway's greatest Mr. Dennis King At the Biltmore theater here in New York darlings a new play is providing great excitement The play is Billy Budd Lewis Cox and our H Chapman's dramatization of Herman Melville's classic novel of the sea We are privileged to hear a scene from that play now starring Dennis King in Billy Budd Billy Budd is the story of a young English seaman Preston to service aboard HMS indomitable a British warship at sea against the French in the year 1798 it is not an ordinary story of war at sea But of the subtle conflict between a man of natural goodness and simplicity and a petty Tyrant of unnatural evil allied with the merciless dictates of naval discipline Billy Budd's violent reaction to injustice has resulted in the death of his tormentor In our ends he awaits the verdict of the court martial being held in Captain veers cabin Captain veer having witnessed the killing highly sympathetic to Billy Budd's cause Feeling for him as he would for his own son Is forced nevertheless to intervene in the court martial as senior officer of the King Responsible to the admiralty for the carrying out of naval law As the scene opens captain veer portrayed by Dennis King Takes a hand in the deliberations of his junior officers Have you anything to say mr. Ratcliffe? Yes, sir. Claggett was killed because bud couldn't speak In the sense that he stammers. He's a cripple. You don't hang a man for that Speaking the only way he could mr. Wyatt if we condemn him It's the same thing as condoning the lie the master at arms clearly told I I'd have struck him too good Then gentlemen as we agree we can reach a verdict at once just a moment gentlemen. Yes captain veer Here the two I've been a witness at this trial no more and I hesitate to interfere except at this clear crisis You ignore one fact we cannot close our eyes to with your pardon, sir as a senior member of this court I must ask if you now act as our commanding officer or as a private man as convening authority mr. Seymour I summon this court I must review its findings and approve them before they go to the admiralty. Yes, sir. That is your right. No, right? Which of us here has rights? This is my duty and I must perform it Bud has killed a man his superior officer. We have found a verdict sir Seymour I know that but we are not free to choose as though we were private citizens The Admiralty has its code. Do you think it cares who buddies who you and I are we don't forget it sir But surely claggerts tails were simply lies. We've established that I but the mutinous of last year were brute facts And must not come again if the men should think we're afraid captain How could they they certainly no but is no mutiny of course not since he came on board He's done more to keep the crew in hand than any of us That's true the men took naturally to him as officers We are concerned to keep this ship effective as a weapon and the law says what we must do in such a case as this Now come you know the facts and the mutiny acts provisions at sea in time of war and Enlisted man strikes his superior officer and the blow is fatal the mere blow alone would hang in Well then the men on board know that as well as you and I and we acquit him the men have sense They know the penalty to follow and yet it does not follow But they know Bud sir and claggert to I dare say would they not applaud the decision that freeze bud? They would thank us string him to a yard arm and they'll turn around and rescue him and string us up instead I that's the point It's twice as dangerous to hang the boys It would be to let him go if there's a mutinous temper in the crew sir condemning But would surely set it off that is possible Whatever step we take the risk is great, but it is ours. That is what makes us officers If by our lawful rigor mutiny comes there is no blame for us, but if in fear Miss called a kind of mercy we pardoned but against specific order and then the crew revolts How culpable and weak our verdict would appear what shame to us and what a deadly bloater discipline I can see that sir, but this case is exceptional And pity if we are men is bound to move us captain. So am I moved? Yet we cannot have warm hearts betraying heads that should be cool In such a case assure an upright judge does not allow the pleading tears of women to touch his nature Here at sea the heart the female in a man Weeps like a woman She must be ruled out Hard though it may be Still silent conscience perhaps Your private conscience is move you I that's it sir How can we condemn this man and live at peace again within ourselves? We have our standards ethics if you like you all feel I can see that in intent the boy is innocent Does that count for nothing his whole attitude is motive count for nothing if his intent intent or non-intent of But is nothing to the purpose in a court more merciful than marshal It would extenuate and shall at the last two sizes set him free But here we have these alternatives only Condemn or let go but it seems to me We've got to consider the problem as a moral one sir despite the fact that we are not moralists When clagger told you his lie the case immediately went beyond the scope of military justice I too feel that but do these gold stripes across our arms a test that our allegiance is to nature to the king sir I Ratcliffe and though the sea be the element where on we move and have our being a sailor Is our official duty hence to nature No, so little is that true that we resign our freedom when we put this on and when war is declared Are we the fighters commissioned to destroy consulted first? What bitter salt leagues move between our codes and God's own judgments? We are conscripts everyone a pride in this uniform a flesh There is no truth to war born in the womb We fight it come on all I know is that I can't sit by and see but I say we fight by order by command of our superiors And our duty lies in this that we are Servants only admirals. He doesn't want service like that. What good would it do who'd profit by Bud's death? Do you deny us the right to act like men? You want to make us murderers and control yourself? What is this vessel you serve in Wyatt an arc of peace go counter guns Then tell your conscience will I quiet if you can but that is war this would be downright killing It's all war Ratcliffe war to the death for all of us. Now you see that Seymour that this war began before our time and will end long after it Couldn't we mitigate the penalty if we can make no Ratcliffe the penalty is prescribed? I'd like to think it over captain. I realize the private conscience moves you and I honor it But here we have the mutiny act for justice No child can own a closer tight apparent then can that act to what it stems from war War has no business with anything but surfaces War's child the mutiny act is featured like the father Aye, sir. Could you stand bud's murder on your conscience? Wyatt hold your tongue. What do you want of us sit down, sir? Let him speak. I won't bear a hand to hang a man. I know is innocent my blood's not cold enough I can't give the kind of judgment you want to force on us I ask to be excused from sitting upon this board. Do you know what you're saying? Sit down and hold your tongue the kind of judgment I ask of you is only this Wyatt But you recognize your function in the ship Can't you see that you must first strip off the uniform you wear and after that your flesh before you can escape the case at issue here Decide you must Wyatt. We are the law Law orders us to act and shows us how Do you imagine Seymour or Ratcliffe or I would not save this boy if he could see a way consistent with our duties Equate, but if you can show us how to save him without putting aside our function Or if you can't do that teach us how to put by our responsibility and not betray ourselves Can you do this? Speak man speak show us how Save him Wyatt And you save us all You recognize The logic of the choice I force upon you But do not think me pitiless and thus demanding sentence on a luckless boy I feel as you do for him but even more I feel there is a grace of soul in him That shall forgive the law we bind him with and pity us stretched upon the cross of choice Well gentlemen Will you decide gentlemen, have you Reached a decision He is condenser So be it Our congratulations on the stirring performance and the scene from your new Broadway success Billy Budd And thanks also to Martin Blaine Horace Brim And Gerald Moore who so ably assisted you Dennis darling, I'm so glad you were able to come over for me tonight Don't think no more about it until I came the moment I got your call Ah, you're so sweet And while you're here Dennis darling, may I ask one more No, please don't degrade yourself to Lula by asking me. I'll be only too happy to do it I do what? Ladies and gentlemen, I am happy to appear on this benefit for Miss Bankhead Who has been absent from the Broadway stage for lo these many Benefits Benefits for whom Courage my dear courage courage courage darling. I know it's a harsh word, but it's no reflection on you as an artist At some point in our careers We must all face the vegetables of the fear the vagaries of the fear The vicissitudes of fortune, but Dennis I am not facing anything. I know my darling The future always seems bleak at a time like this now cut is now ladies and gentlemen In raising this fun tonight for an artist whom I imagine many of you are too young to remember I appeal to you as an old friend of Miss Bankhead or to put it more accurately Miss Bankhead Is an older friend of mine Dennis, what are you doing? Ladies and gentlemen, ladies and gentlemen Go back with me in time to the healthiest days of the theater when this fine actress who has known better matinees Gave to the theater going public some of the finest performances of yesteryear This grand old lady of the theater Who once was the star of little foxes now finds the wolf at her door Or if you can't remember her as the great actress she was try to think of her as a human being A lady who in her declining years finds herself in a declining declining medium All the shame the ignominy the degradation of thickness of faith the loneliness of it all Bridgeport you're not laughing Ladies and gentlemen give to this this Little lady who in better days brought joy to your hearts And who now is reduced to asking for a little of that joy for herself Now follow my example I will myself start the ball rolling with three dollars Just a minute boss sir Who told you I needed a benefit? Well, it seemed rather obvious my dear nobody in the theater seen you in months Your name hasn't been on any theater mark in a year or more your picture was removed from the wall at sardis Your mail at the theater guild is marked address unknown address unknown Why I've been on the big show in radio Oh radio Well, no wonder we never heard of Wait That was spontaneous very excellent Very marvelous very much, but I'll tell I'll tell the old crowd I found you now next day. I won't tell them what I picked you up. Now darling You can tell them. I am the star of the big show the biggest show in radio I'm known as the glamorous unpredictable and wealthy to lula banger My salary on the radio runs into thousands of dollars a week Really? You make all that money by merely talking to this tall thin metallic contrivance Oh my darling more than I ever made in the theater Well, what do you know? To lula may I speak to you for a moment? Oh, of course darling Have you got a dollar for a cup of coffee, darling? I haven't got a sense. I haven't eaten weeks, dear Oh, really? Oh, well, of course my darling, and his ladies and gentlemen In this fine old gentleman who most of you I imagine Are too young to remember the vagabond king Is now a vagabond himself And I would like to start the ball rolling with A two dollars and 20 cents We'll be back in a moment with all our other stars, but first darlings. I would like to ring my chimes This is nbc the national broadcasting company This is the national broadcasting company sunday extravaganza with the most scintillating personalities in show business The big show the sunday night feature of nbc's all-star festival is brought to you by rca victor World leader in radio first and recorded music first in television By chesterfield the cigarette that has for you Mildness with no unpleasant aftertaste the cigarette that brings you bink rosby and barb hope And by the makers of anison for fast relief from pains of headache neuritis and neuralgia The big stars in this program are fred allen jack carson denis king portland hoffer beerpuss lily lauritz melchior edwin meredith wilson and his big show orchestra and chorus And every week your hostess the glamorous Unpredictable to lula bankhead The big show is back in new york after a week in hollywood and with all due respect to our friends on the west coast It is a pleasure to come back to this large beautiful center theater Which is spacious enough to accommodate our audience of Three thousand people who came here tonight on the new haven railroad show train from as far away as boston Well darlings bless you darlings the studio we had in hollywood was very small But it held only 300 people and they were packed in so tight. I had trouble reading my script And that studio they were breathing on my glasses or something that i've missed out here And that studio was so small and had such a low ceiling When I ordered frogs legs for lunch the frogs legs were squatting That's a jolly one. Don't be lily business Birkenhead Be darling it's been ages since i've seen you. Let me look at you But you know, I haven't seen you in years to lulu. Let me look at you Oh Well imagine that I can hardly believe it. Oh, no Poor dear Well, that's the way it goes Well time marches on Well, I was just thinking how extraordinary. Well, you look at lula. Well a day to have rest and you'll be your old self My dear you're always your old self Well, now we've exhausted ourselves. Let's talk about something new. You know, I've just got back. What's the gossip around town? Gossip my darling. Have I got got it for you beauty? You know, I just got back from hollywood and I thought oh by the way before I forget to lula I ran across Noah last week and he told me to be sure to know all right darling Of course, I just saw him last mother to party at the home of um, oh, what's his name? You mean jeffreys? Yes the man we met on the Riviera Do you remember darling and he came in that and that night full of uh, that's the one. Oh, do you remember what? I'll never forget the way Do you know after that he went to the hospital for six months? Oh, I'm so Well so much for frivolous gossip, let's get down to something serious How is the male situation around town? Oh, didn't you hear they've cut down deliveries to one today? No, we're not talking about the same post office to lose I mean men. Oh men. Well darling, we have the biggest crop of magnificent men this town has had in years Why only only was there's a new thing that's coming to fashion darling Men seem to like very young girls 35 well I got here just in time Of course you did darling we can double date And now, uh, let me see beauty. I I forget now just what type of man you prefer Tall short fat a thin old a young dark affair. Uh, yes, just my type too Plenty of days. Well any of the men you've been going out with Tallulah are all right with me Well as a matter of fact, I've been so busy lately darling. I've um, I've been more or less relaxing I've taken up knitting I've just finished the most darling slip-over for my icebox A cardigan, of course It's so much easier, you know to open the door You have no idea how relaxing an evening can be just knitting But of course you will hear over a gay time and I'm sure we'll find plenty of men to take us out. So Don't you worry darling. I'll see that you're kept busy Hmm. Uh, tell me darling Is it difficult to learn to knit? Why be darling you sound positively unhappy. Yes, I'm miserable. Oh, how delightful. Who is he was? Was my dear past tense Well, who isn't Was he a man you met in England? Tell us about it. Won't you darling? I'll be glad to good gracious What about teen you have to go through here before she lets you sing one lousy little number? They tell us Our journey right through to the end And just like an everyday journey Nicer to go the traveling companion To help us along as they can needs the help of a woman A woman needs the help of a man companion was my own How gaily we started Now I'm broken hearted Also happy and ready to depart So I smiled at my companion Said well shall we start And then a sticky label Was slapped across my heart on the voyage And been happy all to be his traveling rug The world seemed so stark. Get where I'm going I can't even get off the parcels Our friends our hopes our fears A hold all full of laughter And a suitcase full of tears But fate that cruel american express man Just points at me and gee not Wanted on the voyage Is there a long long trailer why yes there is Does he travel fastest who travels alone? Apparently then what about her? What about she? I asked the station clock dear old clock It didn't answer I asked the station approach It didn't answer And then I asked him He answered In one two three four five maybe a half a dozen words I was a man of I thought him joking. I said oh don't be upset But he showed me what was written And I read it word by word I wasn't traveling with him I wasn't even traveling third I was not Wanted on the voyage The draft was hard and bitter. I could not drink the cup and yet I had to swallow it Yes down to the last supper To have been a weekend rucksack and then to finish up Not wanted on the voyage. I ask you The friends have been kind and consoling There's nothing they say they won't do But they've all got their own traveling companions And they are sticking to them Like glee You must go forward don't let your footsteps lag But the memory pulls me backward like a drag His gentle voice saying porter Just label that old bag From rca victor There's nothing more fun these winter nights than curling up in front of a good warm television set and let the laughs Chuckles and downright merriment of television entertainment warm the cockles of your heart And if there's one thing that's more fun than just plain television, it's television on a new rca victor set Yes, almost two million families today are happily using rca victor television in their homes And you'll know why when you watch the lifelike picture on rca victor's new model the kent now on display at your rca victor dealers The kent brings you clear big 17 inch pictures locked in place by rca victor's exclusive eyewitness picture synchronizer Then to look at the value of the kent. It's like having console television at table model price You'll say that rca victor television is the best way to warm up your heart with television fun And keep the frost off your pocketbook Excuse me, but uh, where do I get my money back on this round trip ticket from boston What is your problem fred allen? Well, I tried all week to get a ticket to the big show tonight But there wasn't one to be had all over new york So I flew up to boston and bought a round trip ticket on the show train and that's how I got in Oh You didn't have to go to all that trouble to fly up to boston by plane Well, I didn't I didn't fly by plane to lula There's a man over at leguadio field now with the new service You stand on the runway with two hands full of large nails and up in boston. There's a fellow with a big magnet If you're flying to boston, it's the only way to travel if you like privacy if you want to be alone It's the only thing to do. Uh, well friend Yes, did I miss anything important? Now that you've retired from radio and television, what do you do to keep busy? Well retired is rather a delicate way to put it to lula Let us just say I was not wanted on the voyage There's million There's really a lot to do here in new york. I keep I manage to keep pretty busy as a matter of fact I get up every morning about 10 o'clock and go over to see my doctor He hasn't been feeling well lately Then for lunch I go over to lindy's and meet the boys I order a lean corned beef sandwich and sit there and chew the fat for a while Well, I'm surprised you found time to come over here at all this week friend Well in all deference to your charms and your concentrated allure miss bankhead I really came over because portland asked me to meet her here. She has a bit of a problem which she hopes to Hello, mr. Rathland solve Portland you made me split an infinitive I shall never be able to go back to boston. I've split an infinitive. I'll have to spend Portland hover Hey ralan, did you tell miss bankhead why i'm here? No, I didn't have the heart to tell a portland Matter of fact, I didn't have a line either Well, miss bankhead, my name is portland toffa. I know who you are darling Please miss bankhead. I have a speech prepared. Oh, I'm sorry darling. My name is portland toffa You sound like dagmar tonight That line wasn't worth reading twice I have always been an admirer of yours and I have been chosen by my school alumni association to portray you To luna bankhead in a play to be presented next week new paragraph Well exclamation point You can imagine how thrilled I was comma when they told me I could portray you Period I've been so excited all week. I've had indigestion colon Semi-colon Well, darling, if you quite finished dictating that letter, I wish you'd get to the point Did you want me to come and play the part? Oh, no, I want to stand on my own two legs parenthesis Boy Sweet Portland that isn't even a reasonable facsimile But then who is You're so right frederick. You took the words right out of my mouth. Well, I'm so sorry to lula your mouth was open And there were so many of them there Way to make my voice sound that low But it doesn't work. No, I tried pasting down my adam's apple with scotch tape And that didn't do it. No Then I tried wetting my hair and standing in front of an open window hoping I'd get laryngitis Yes, I know darling. I lose more imitators that way But uh go on portland. What happened when you stood in front of the open window with your wet hair Did your voice sound like kaloola's? No, but my hair looked like hers Well, kaloola those are the ball facts now, can you Can you help portland out with her problem? Well fred I'll do anything I can darling for you and for portland But what is the reason for this play? I mean why are you doing it at all? Well, we want to raise some money to buy equipment for our school basketball team Oh, what kind of equipment are you going to buy for your basketball team? A center a guard and two referees Why portland is that cricket? No, it's basketball Our school hasn't won a game for 20 years. This would give our team a new lease on life Say portland you go about uh, you go around buying referees and that's exactly what you'll get 20 years to life Here darlings are two very good friends of ours being crossby and bob hope Bob, do you realize we only have one thing in common? Hardly enough for a happy marriage. Is it? What's that being? Chesterfields, of course. We both like them. We both sell and we better get to sell them now You know folks better tasting Chesterfield is the only cigarette that combines for you mildness with no unpleasant Aftertaste, how do you know they're mild or you just make our mildness test you buy them open them up and enjoy that milder aroma Then smoke a Chesterfield You'll know it's milder because it smokes milder and Chesterfield leaves no unpleasant aftertaste That fact has been confirmed by the country's first and only cigarette taste panel So always buy Chesterfield gone mid-junior. Let's sum it up musically Chesterfield Chesterfield always takes first place that milder mild tobacco never leaves an aftertaste So open a pack give me a smell then you'll smoke them Returning to a scene of his triumph on the big show is one of the truly great voices of our time Mr. Lawrence Melchior who 25 years ago tonight made his debut in opera in this country Mr. Melchior will now sing a study to Tristan dreams by Wagner Meredith darling, if you please This is useful. We are honored to have you back on the big show To Lola, it's always a pleasure to be in this show with you Since you were your last loritz Darling, I've been doing quite a bit of singing myself Oh, I know we have heard Your voice has created a sensation in music circles everywhere. Oh, you're joking. Are you joking darling? How can I be joking? I have no sense of humor Don't you really mean that music circles think I'm uh, I'm a sensation to Lola You know today. I am celebrating the 25th anniversary of my operatic debut in this country And I give you my word that you have created several new notes never known to the human ear It's exciting news. I just can't wait to tell somebody. Oh, that's jack castin jack darling. Yes. Hello jack Do you know what loris melchior just told me? He said that I have oh, I beg your pardon, sir Do you know loris melchior? Hello, mr. Melchior. How do you do? Uh jack loris just tell me mr. Melchior, you've got much thinner, haven't you? Oh, yes, my doctor has put me on a strict diet Jack loris darling just told me that my voice I'm gonna diet myself. You know, what kind of diet jack about my voice It's a very simple diet for breakfast. I have lunch and dinner And for lunch, I have a midnight snack and tomorrow's breakfast and for dinner. I have tomorrow's lunch and dinner See it's a nine-day diet. I'm doing it in three days It's a new idea you can reduce without losing weight Why um, why don't you try it mr. Melchior? Oh, I I'm happy with my doctor. He examined me and gave me his certificate Jack, did you know that I have created notes? Let me let me see the certificate I'll read it to you. You see, uh, this is to certify that I have examined mr. Melchior and have found him to be Physically fit. Mm-hmm Look how he spells fit f at If you to a slap hippie gentleman, but let me get a word in here Yes, I have been trying to tell you jack that loris just paid me a great compliment He said that I am a sensation in music circles. I have created several new notes New notes. That's right. Isn't that right loris darling? Oh, that's right You see the only known letters in the musical scalar a b c d e f and g Oh, yes, I've heard that rumor. Well, uh, we have located your notes slightly above g Do you hear that jack? My note above g that would be h wouldn't it sound like h to me Do you think uh, do you think music is ready for these new notes? Oh, they are getting ready Pianos are being retuned and clarinets are being repitched and violins are being re-strong Raises are being re-sharpened The loris you've given me renewed confidence And so I'm going to sing a chorus of a song for you right now Right now right now mr. Melchier another thing about that dial I was telling you about the doctor said you should take long walks How long? About 32 bars. Would you join me? Of course. Shall we go? Come back here you cowards When we ask you to try anison for the relief of pain due to a headache neuritis and neuralgia We're not asking you to try a new or unproved method For there are many people listening in now who have been introduced to anison tablets by their own dentist or physician A you who've received anison this way know the effective incredibly fast relief these tablets bring Anison is like a doctor's prescription That is anison contains not just one but a combination of medically proven Active ingredients in easy-to-take tablet form People by the thousands are using modern anison today instead of other ways A doesn't their experience seem worth following? Try anison the next time you suffer pains from headache neuritis or neuralgia You'll be delighted with the results Ask your druggist for anison today anison is spelled a n a c i m In just a moment mr. Edwin will join mr. Melchior and do one of his wonderfully funny opera interpretations But first a word from Ed Hurley. Hi. Who? Miss bankhead Ed Hurley. He is on a short vacation. I've been doing the announcing my name's ben grower. Oh, isn't that wonderful darling They finally gave me an announcer whose name I can pronounce. I'm glad you're here go right ahead ben grower Uh This portion of the program has been brought to you by rca victor World leader in radio first in recorded music first in television By chesterfield the cigarette that has for you Mildness with no unpleasant aftertaste the best cigarette for you to smoke and by the makers of anison for fast relief from pain of headache Neuritis and neuralgia. This is NBC the national broadcasting company This is the big show and Tallulah is about to introduce ladies and gentlemen one of the great great clowns of the theater Mr. Edwin Ed darling, it's so nice of you to come on the show this week. Oh, well. I had a come Tallulah I saw where you got that fella, you know that singer. Uh, what's his name? Uh, loris melchior Well, that's close enough. Yeah He's going to sing an opera, you know and in this country people don't understand those foreign language operas I'm going to explain it. This is the latest story of common. I'm going to darling You explained common the last two times you were on the show. Well, that doesn't mean anything. There are a lot of stories of common They all have different names, you know different names Sadly, I saw a common last week at the metropolitan. It was called the marriage of figaro. It was called But how do you account for the change of names? Well, common's the girl, you know When she gets married she changes her name, I thought But really tonight's story of common is nothing like it. I'm sure of that But Ed, here's Mr. Melchior. Laurel, do you remember Mr. Wen? vividly No matter what I sing he only tells the story of common But you don't seem to realize mr. Um, Mr. Um, Melchior, Laurel it's Melchior Well, that's close enough. Yeah You see, I'm uh, I'm an expert on common Uh, Mr. Wen. Yeah, I don't think you know if you are common or gone You'll have to excuse me. I cracked the pun You know, don't you crack them You don't seem to realize that there are 12 different versions of the bullfight alone in common That's a lot of bull Young man There is only one authority on common. Yeah, and that's the man who wrote the opera. Yeah, George Beasley Oh, that's ridiculous. I know everything there is to know about common. You are busy. Yeah, but not too busy to explain the opera I'll explain the story of common But it tonight I happen to be singing the hymn to Venus from 10 hoyser 10 how's that? Shows you how things are going up, but used to be five how's that? Did you know that? Everything's going up now. They're terrible, but you're going to sing common. I don't know. I'm going to sing 10 hoyser Next line is yours if you want to say it, I don't Oh, why? Oh, why didn't I become a ballad dancer like my good mother wants me to The ladies and gentlemen mr. Melchior singing the hymn to Venus from townhouse in german mr. Wern explaining it in common Pardon me. I'll I'll explain it up till now Give the people too much to remember your faith Now this is the story of common as most of you know common was born in spain on account of the beautiful scenery which is there Now come What a faith common has she has star dust in her eyes star dust in her cheeks star dust in her lips You never saw such as I don't know such a Dustpan well anyhow What I wanted to say was that common is so magnificent when she passes men you can hear a loud whistle But the men never whistled back The hero of the opera is Don Jose most of you know that Don Jose makes a force landing on his way to see common in Madrid But he is in the jungle in the theroplane He meets a native girl and trying to make her understand. He says to her. He says me me be steady Me be 39 in landing And she says me be 26 in october Well this infuriates Don Jose and he rushes to meet common When he sees calmly says common every time when I get up in the morning and put my hands down around my knees And pull them up again. I get terrible pains in my back Common says that well, why do you do it? And Jose says well, if you know any other way for a guy to get his pants on I wish you'd tell me Now you continue the opera That's enough for that wait I'll explain that I'll now you see in new york Common and Don Jose they take a trip to new york and they jump on a sightseeing bus common says to the driver He says no she says common is a woman in this play She says does this bus stop at the wall door for a story? The driver says no we keep it in the garage Oh, there's some of her ways and that anyhow What's not further on the driver yells we are now passing the biggest saloon in town Don Jose jumps off the bus and says maybe you are but I'm not That night at common's birthday party her mother turns to common And she says common your birthday reminds me of the night you were born Did you know common dear you were born in the middle of the night? Common says gee mom. I hope I didn't wake you up Some of these will make humor illegal, but anyhow I Now while common and and her mother is speaking don Jose is speaking the common's father He says I would like to marry your daughter the father says can you support a family? Jose says yes, the father says now think hard because there's seven of us Common and don Jose get married It's just as well because I don't know they couldn't get along together anyway Now would you continue? And pardon me just I'll explain that You don't mind. Do you say this is very interesting? I've got to explain the story for opera lovers who don't care for music at all, you know Anyhow Common and and don Jose are now married and very soon. They are blessed with a six-year-old son The son has what you call group Pearson and senator McCarthy means They're always knocking each other Well, the boy says to his father says papa When I grow up will I marry a woman like mother? And his father says you sure will have you're not careful They said well the latest thing your mother did was to make her hair blonde This anger's common and she says I see you've made your nose red Don't Jose says yes, I have But I don't have to go to the beauty parlor once a week to have the end touched up I Didn't like it either Common and says let us kiss and make up wi-fi and as they kiss there is a loud explosion It seems that he had a toothpick in his mouth and she was chewing bubblegum The explosion knocks down out the window the son says look mama pop pull out the 18th story wind and killed himself Common says I can't understand it because just two weeks ago. He was vaccinated against everything Will you go and see please? And then of course common goes One day it may see Common this guy certainly likes to sing You're very Of course with the last act which naturally needs the script. She cost a lot of people didn't understand it But it's in this act where you meet eschimilio I'd like to describe him eschimilio is the kind of a guy you would use for a blueprint if you were building an idiot now Now when he was 12 years old when he was 12 years old in one day, he lost his father and mother What a crap game Eschimilio becomes a great sage You see how I've connected the story there He becomes the sage one night. He sees common for the first time. She is dancing Eschimilio the famous sage in goes up and he taps the man on the shoulder. He says may I cut in Common being a lady coily drops her eyelids Eschimilio being a gentleman stoops down and picks them up She said I'm tired of dancing. I'll take off my shoe He looks he says those are the 10 dandiest toes. I have ever seen Common says now I'll take off my other shoe At this instant at this instant common's father rushes to the bar and said give me 22 drinks The bartender at the ball said why do you want 22 drinks? And common says on account of that sign over the bar It says nobody saved under 21 It's nothing like a good joke and that was certainly not like a good joke, but anyhow They realized there's some things wrong with eschimilio. You see that is with a father So eschimilio rushes common's father to his hospital It's a brand new hospital. In fact, this is the opening day And they celebrate the opening of the hospital in common's father at the same time What an operation this is a remarkable operation From common's father, they remove a piece of bar rail from the sole of his foot Very unusual thing after the operation common eschimilio to her home. He goes there, but he is astonished at the sight He says this is ridiculous. He says you have pigs in your living room Common says why not there's everything in my living room a pig would want Wonderful opera Suddenly common says will you marry me? He says you're asking me. I don't know what to say Common says just say yes and from there on in keep your big trap shut But I have a claim that's coming down eschimilio says this is too much I'm going to hollywood and be a movie actor Common yells hollywood bar One day you're kissing lana taylor the next day you're kissing greek arson The next day you're kissing beddy grabel and the next day ura has been And eschimilio says yes, but just think where I has been Yes That was divinely hilarious. Thanks for another story of common and to you lords melchior Our thanks for lending your magnificent voice to mr. Wins inspired nonsense And now here's an orchestra number for meredith wilson and his big show orchestra and chorus the number Huller balloon, which is all about band music, which makes me very happy because I love band music So don't be surprised darlings if I join in somewhere meredith if you please Before we get involved in No, see anything stories About your hometown. Let's go on. Wait a minute to lula. I'd like to meet that nice gentleman. Oh, Bitch, it's lily darling. No meredith is a wonderful musician. I simply adore him and all that, but he can be such a Boy, well if you must meredith darling. Yes, mr. Bankhead this This is Beatrice lily meredith wilson. Hello meredith to lula tells me you're quite a bore Well, thank you. I do my best I'm adorable god say something boring I guess it didn't exactly expect to be called on at this time Never was very good at doing any impromptu boring Well, I like the band number you just played. When did you start leaving a band? That should have a pretty boring answer Well, sir, mr. Bankhead You too miss lily The first orchestra I ever had was really a doozy It was the high school orchestra back in mason city isle. That's my hometown, you know Yes I had a girl bandsman who played the euphonium You know what that is That's a big brass horn and it only belongs in a band not in an orchestra like we had back in mason city Well, I'll never forget that one particular night. This girl played the euphonium and she was always just one beat early Would you care to hear how it sounded miss lily? All right. I love to sound so boring I don't even know what he's talking about Are you making something about a euphonium? What's this? I think it's a small town in iowa No, you see euphonium is a big brass horn It was in uh my high school my hometown mason city and the high school orchestra I can hear that orchestra yet Fred and fred and I want to talk to you. Yeah, what is it gentlemen? Uh, do you want to tell her jack? I'll tell her but I'm not afraid of her. Good. Good. So, we um, we were listening to edwin explain that opera before And uh, we got to thinking that too many people don't understand opera in the first place And why doesn't somebody on this program, uh, you know explain a popular song? But I don't understand darlings in a popular song the lyric is the well itself explanatory Not the way you sing it Darling, are you implying that I don't sing a popular song? Well, when you start out singing it, it's popular You see to lula what jack means is that there's always a story behind every popular song Now, what was that song that used to be so popular before you recorded it? I'll be seeing you. That's the one. Would you care to uh For want of a better word sing it for us? Fred and I will explain the story behind I'd love to darlings. I just love to sing Well, how do you get the right key? Do you use the holland tunnel for a pitch pipe? She does need a pet. She's a walking euphonium Meredith will give me my key won't you darling sure all of them Oh, thank you darling and now ladies and gentlemen the glamorous and unpredictable Ballerton voice of mr. Lula brockman bankhead singing I'll be seeing you And are the old That this heart All day through I'll explain that part of it see You gotta carry away. Fred and I will explain it up to here. Um, hello jack. Hi Fred. Have you seen to lula around lately? To lula who? To lula bankhead. Oh him Kevin jack and I have looked in all of the old familiar places Did you see any old familiar faces? Uh, not to lulas Did you look in the luxer baths? But I didn't see any familiar faces there That small cafe The park across the way The children's carousel The chestnut tea The wishing well Fred I'm worried about to lula I wonder if she's broke Well, I hear she's flat. Yeah, I just heard I just heard it too But I still wonder if she's broke Jack she must be you know, she spent so much money on clothes Did you ever notice that mink coat? Well, I happened to know the somebody gave her that mink coat. Oh really? What did she have to do for it? Nothing just lengthen the sleeves You know, she used to spend all of her money on jewelry, but they won't let her into tiffanies anymore They won't why not? Well, she has such a terrible acid condition The minute she walks in all of the rings in the place turn green In every lovely summer's day In everything that's light and gay I'll always think of you that way jack frankly, I'm worried about to lula Let's go down to police headquarters and give them a description of a description of to lula Yeah, they'd never believe it You know what I think she must have had a big fight with some guy that she's in love with Well, I tell you let's make the rounds of the hospitals. Maybe she's visiting him. She'd be wait. Wait a minute. Did you hear something? I think it's to lula. Listen No, no, it's only a steamship coming in today We'll be That's it for this week We hope you'll all be with us next sunday when we will have with us Uta Hargan jack haley paul kelly james melton Olson and johnson Monty woolly and others and of course our very own Meredith wilson and the big show octarin chorus until then May the good lord bless and keep you Whether near or far away Meredith May you find that long awaited golden day Today be may your troubles or your fortune Yes, and keep the good lord bless and keep you Until we meet good night darlings and godspeed to our armed forces Who hear these broadcasts each week all over the world? The big show is produced and directed by d angle back and written by goodman ace fred alan selma diamond george foster mort green and frank wilson This is ben grower saying good night. Then enjoy header hoppers show on nbc