 Item No. SCP-3009 Object Class Safe Special Containment Procedures SCP-3009 is to be contained in a standard holding cell measuring 10m x 4m x 10m of Site-17. Testing on SCP-3009 is open to all personnel with prior clearance. SCP-3009 is to be powered off when testing is not taking place. Prizes produced by SCP-3009 are to be described, photographed, then stored, with documents about prizes stored in filing cabinets organized by their point values. Description SCP-3009 is a Duncan alien-model ski-ball machine manufactured by Innovative Concepts and Entertainment Incorporated. SCP-3009 operates as a standard ski-ball machine of its making model, with the exception of a lack of dispensed tickets. Instead, a prize based on the player's scores dispensed from a large prize port installed at SCP-3009's side. The source of SCP-3009's prizes is unknown, as the inside of the prize port is sealed until a prize is dispensed, and no storage area for prizes have been found when SCP-3009 is disassembled. SCP-3009 also hosts the SCP-3009-1, a sapient entity composed of plastic and various metals in the likeness of a mechanical alien. SCP-3009-1 exhibits an often unpleasant personality towards players, and will attempt to convince people to play a game on SCP-3009. Once players initiated, SCP-3009-1 will cease communication with the player until their prize has been dispensed. Most of SCP-3009's speech amounts to insults, but it will congratulate the player if they get a high enough score, or manage to dunk SCP-3009-1 by hitting the moving target present in both SCP-3009 and standard Duncan alien machines. A game can be activated on SCP-3009 by inserting $0.50. SCP-3009 takes only US quarters of acceptable payment. SCP-3009 and SCP-3009-1 enter a dormant state when not powered, making containment fairly easy. SCP-3009 is only to be played in testing sanctioned by level 3 personnel or above. See Experiment Log 183. SCP-3009 will recover at an arcade inside the ████ Boardwalk, where numerous complaints were being filed over a rude ski-ball machine. SCP-3009 will put into Foundation custody under the guise of routine maintenance. A standard model of a Duncan alien machine was sent in to replace SCP-3009. Addendum Experiment Log 183 Experiment Number 1 Player D-1293 Score Earned 12,500 Prize Given A Grey Wig in Reading Glasses Comments Made by SCP-3009-1 If you're gonna throw like your grandma, you ought to look like her. Experiment Number 2 Player D-543-2 Score Earned 22,000 Prize Given A Large Lollipop Comments Made by SCP-3009-1 If you're gonna suck a ski-ball, why not suck on candy too? Experiment Number 3 Player Dr. Mansfield Score Earned 31,500 Prize Given A Stuffed Elephant Toy with a Large Red Bow Comments Made by SCP-3009-1 I'm impressed, not gonna lie, you probably devoted more time to ski-ball than women. Experiment Number 4 Player Dr. Larson Score Earned 10,000 Prize Given A Plastic Figuring Lightness of Dr. Larson Crying with No Hands Comments Made by SCP-3009-1 What? You obviously can't use them right. Experiment Number 5 Player Dr. Larson Score Earned 8,000 Prize Given Another Plastic Figuring This time depicting Dr. Larson missing an eye along with his hands Comments Made by SCP-3009-1 Your death perception can't get any worse, frankly. I'm doing you a favor. Experiment Number 6 Player Dr. Larson Score Earned 15,000 Prize Given A Sticker with the Word Persevere on it Comments Made by SCP-3009-1 I believe in you, buddy. Experiment Number 7 Player Dr. Larson Score Earned 11,000 Prize Given A Baseball Cat with the Words Not Mad Just Disappointed Displayed on it Comments Made by SCP-3009-1 Huh, appears my belief was misplaced. Interview Log 2-1-4 Interviewed SCP-3009-1 Interviewer Dr. Larson Forward SCP-3009-1 had just dispensed Dr. Larson's Prize in Experiment Number 7 30 minutes prior to interview. Begin Log 1822 I have a few questions for you, SCP-3009-1. Shoot away. You can definitely shoot anything better than you can shoot ski balls. Well, first of all, why do you do that? Take these jokes at their expense. As well as born-to-do, doc, call it a gift. Born-to-do? Born. Created. Doesn't make much difference when you can think on the same level. My emotions run deep, yet I don't cry like you humans, especially not as much as you did last game. But why do you feel the need to insult the players? Don't you want them to stay? Not all of them. What do you mean? What I mean is this. Imagine you're like me, making the same jokes day in and day out. The same one-liners to every player, laughing at them when they fail and begrudgingly accepting defeat when they do well. What then? You're happy when they do well, to see them get their deserved rewards. You even poke fun at them just a little bit to keep the spirit alive, but it's been a damn long time since I've seen anyone who really loves it the way I do. All I got were little kids attracted to the big green alien guy, or parents trying to prove their skills to their kids. I was given the standard insults, enough to shake them a bit, abuse them, but not enough to get them to quit. I had enough of it, so I made my insults more clever, more personal. People got offended and stopped playing, soon only the best ones, the ones who could brave my initial insults, and who had the gumption to not let what a dumb alien on a ski-ball machine said affect their performance. Those were the only ones left. I wouldn't have had it any other way. Sure, I still poked fun at him a bit, but that was all in good sport. I still congratulated him and gave him their just desserts when all was said and done. I take it this means you're unhappy with containment. When I'm off-dock, I'm as good as asleep. I sure miss the good ones, but I take no players over crappy players all day every day. I'd love it if you let Dr. Mansfield play on me a bit, though. He's got a good amount of skill. We might just be able to counteract the great disappointment you've instilled in me. I'll put an award to my superiors for you. N-Log 1825 Closing statement. Dr. Mansfield had agreed to play a game on SCP-309 at least once a week. Prices to spend thus far have consisted of assorted stuffed animals.