 This wasn't supposed to be a premiere. I was just trying to get on here to touch you guys live. Judith are you still here. Having a heck of a time. Let's see you were here at 2.33. I don't know what time this now. Is that it. I don't know if you guys can hear me. It keeps saying that my earphones are connected to my phone. Hi Jessica. OK so can you can you hear me OK. Because my neighbors are over here. I didn't realize they were there. And so I'm trying not to talk as loud as I normally do. I want to make sure I have you guys on here right. Hard not to be with me. Even though I'm talking really low. And if it gets too windy let me know and we'll go in the house. All right so I'm trying to figure out top chat. Some messages live chat all messages. OK that's what we want. I think I needed some fresh air. I needed to say hi to you guys. I needed to check in to see how everybody was doing. Hi Janet. Hi Christine. Do you have your water or your coffee or some of you guys. Let's see it is later in the evening. You could possibly be having an adult beverage. Hi Esther. Let me. I'm OK Judith. I'm going to talk about it a little bit. I want to tell you guys ahead of time. Anybody who's watching this as a replay. It's not going to. I'm not my normal chipper happy self. But I think you're a little skeptical too. I can't possibly be the only person feeling this way right. And I've just been like. So I thought I need to go outside and someone's at the Dr. Bombay see if we can get any people in here. Maybe I can get some inspiration from you guys. Maybe somebody else can let me know that I'm not alone in this big bad weight gain time of season. I'm not going to say the C word or the P word because I guess you two frowns on that. And then it'll have something to do with my views. Grab your water. Tina I know honey I've been reading your posts on Facebook a little bit that have been going on there. I have spurts where it's like. Do I want to go on there in the frame of mind that I'm in right now and just scare everybody away or do I want to go on there and talk and feel better. It's like it's a tough it's a tough place to be. Hi Barbara. Hey guys. I'm glad that my earbuds are working. And again if it gets too windy out here because it's it was blown earlier. It's really pretty though. I am Barbara. I am. Hey Andrea. Thank you so much. Hi Tracy. Oh I'm so glad it seems like a good time that I caught you guys. And I didn't mean to do this as a premiere. I was sitting out here for like half an hour. How many times have we done this and I couldn't get it on. Don't be sorry Barbara because you know what I'm not the only one I haven't put on my earrings for you to see. I just can't see it with my headphones on. I would say the whole reason I'm not feeling bad. Hello Susan. Long time no see. You guys are all going to slap me around when I hear why I'm feeling down because if one of you guys were to say it to me I am turned would slap you around because after all we're all friends right. Oh Christine thank you. Don't don't ever be worried about me. I just don't ever want to get on here when I don't have positivity to share. There's already so much stuff going on. I wish I would have worn my scarf after. It's just too hot. It's like 82 degrees here today. I don't know I'm looking at my watch. I have gained I'm just a little shy of all my way back and instead of just dealing with it knowing which dude to get it back off. Can you guys hear me. It keeps saying iPhone lost so I don't know if you can hear me or not. Tiazza what a pretty name. Susan it's 15 Florida. Yeah it's really warm here. Actually it just started cooling off since it's set in a shade. Anyways I'm going through a period of complete self-hatred. Complete and unfortunately for the people who live around me with me means I hate them too. And that means that I'm not nice to anybody around me which is why I haven't been on here because well I will be nice to you guys. You guys I should ask Steve to turn off my iPhone. Yeah I'm in shorts the only pair that fit me. Last night Steve said you know let me get you let's go back to last week. First of all I'm going to hook up my iPhone and turn this darn thing off. I want you guys to inundate me with how you are doing if you're doing well if you're not doing well if you're maintaining anything you want to talk about because I need to turn off this iPhone. I'll just be a second. Esther watch the door don't let anybody out. Where's my phone? Oh well too bad so sad I don't know where it is. I'm in all my Disney regala because I'm missing it so much. But yeah I'm wearing a pair of shorts. Again the only pair of shorts that fit me. Tiazza let's see now what does the Bible say about you? Fearfully and wonderfully made God loves you as you are. Thank you. Just so that I mean I don't want to appear to be anybody that I'm not. Look at this I've gained so much weight I'm out of breath from running in and out of the house. I'm not a real religious or spiritual person especially right now. I just have to be honest with you and I've never read the Bible. But I will take your word for it and I appreciate that. Okay Esther has gained everything back and pretty much don't care. Been down lots of daughter issues as you can understand. I'm sorry about that. I'm reading and trying to catch my breath. Jessica's gained 14 pounds in one month due to drama illness deaths. Potential illnesses. Lots of chocolate but I'm back on track good job. I'm mad because I should have gained this eat in California instead of chocolate. Thank you for missing me you guys. I have gained back 50 of the 75 I lost. I have two pairs of pants and feel the same. Okay so one would argue well Anita you lost 50 pounds you know what to do. Instead of being mean and hateful and all that stuff why don't you just do it? Because my head's not in it. Because my head is not in anything right now. Every single morning this is what I want to know if anybody can relate to this having to bore it now. Every single morning I wake up and I say okay I'm going to do this. And I track everything. I tracked a 62 point day the other day. And I'm going to do this and I'm going to have a good attitude. And then as soon as my mind clears since I'm in California you guys I can't even get a haircut. I can't get my eyebrows done. I can't do anything. And I can't snap out of it. I know it Jessica it does but I know I can do it. And I know what to do to do it. Hi Joanie it's been so long. Hi Tony. I'll let me go back for a minute. So for those of you who are in the same boat and sharing it with me I appreciate it so much because I feel like a loser and I'm not. Tiasas says I've always been plus size. I've lost 22 pounds due to COVID complications. Oh no blood clots in my lung. Oh my gosh I am so sorry to hear that. Are you on the mend? Please I hope. That's so serious. Thank you Roberta. It's always good to see you. You always have a kind word. Kitty's out walking. She's our walking kitty. While I did this but for obvious reasons I can't because I'll be out of breath. The first thing I need to do is learn to remember how to love myself unconditionally even though I have gained my weight back. For some reason in my feeble little head I feel useless as fat person. And I'm going to say fat because I am. I'm fat right now. And I just. I need the people across just close their windows. Pass on and now boot. Tiasas on oxygen and blood there. I've been a nurse. Okay that's good point. All my neighbors just close their windows. I'm not talking that loud. Still on oxygen and blood thinners 39. No I don't know if I should go in the house or not. I'm not even talking that loud. It's when they're about 200 years old and I don't know how they could possibly hear anything I'm saying. My mic is right here with me talking low. You guys can hear me. The first thing I need to do though is. Realize that I have self worth even though I have put my weight back on. But I'm not. Hi Terry. You're right Jessica. You're absolutely right I would. Terry it's so nice to see you. Are you guys feeling the same way I am now? Are you like just waking up and just have so much anger and. Worthlessness over this because. Joni that's exactly how I feel and I have not I am have not been one of those. Roller coaster. Weight watcher people who's done this a million times. This is the first time I've gained it all back. Which doesn't mean anything. But I'm on point today. I track everything. I've been drinking my water and doing my thing. It's all in my mind space. It's all in my head space. And I just don't have the. The spark. Hasn't it been seen soul. I watched soul and I cried. I mean my spark back. And if I don't have my spark and I stay the way I am. I need to learn to love myself the way I am. Because I'm making everybody around me completely miserable. Exactly Jessica I am too. Maybe I shouldn't have gone on it right now. But those guys I'm not talking that loud and now they're pretty far away. Rude. Janet says I've been wearing my big t-shirts because I too have gained. Got back on track when one lost nine pounds. But that's fabulous. That's fabulous. I'm not these guys. Okay this is what we're going to do. I'm going to go in the house because I don't like censoring myself. If we get disconnected. I will come back on. We're hooked up to the old halo. Let's see what we can do. Steve will help us if he's in there. But since I have been the pouty lady all day long. He has cleaned up the whole Christmas setup. Well I've been being a big baby. Are you in the house honey? So I said come over here for a second. Whoops. So I was sitting out there talking. Talking about this loud. Because my earphone's right here. Say hi. So I was talking about this loud. Hi Steve. Barbara. Judith. I was talking about this loud. Which for me is like the lowest it could ever possibly be. And Louise and the old people. They all slammed their windows shut. Like I was talking really loud or something. The upstairs windows? Yeah. That's why they got the double pane windows. Well I was talking that loud. I don't see how they possibly could have even made out anything I was saying. Somebody just called you good looking. Good looking. Good throwback. I know it's hard on your knees. Hi Kristin. Yeah. And they said too that I should have just stayed out there. Because if they were out there I would have been. I don't know why it bothers me. Just because everything bothers me these days. I don't know. So where were we? I gotta go back. The lighting in here is horrible. You know I was. Give them the old one too honey. Hi Patricia. They weren't chilly Judith. They looked at me. And it's not chilly out there. Let's put it this way. We're up to me. And I was allowed. I would have the air conditioning on in here right now. I would have the air conditioning on. I would have the air conditioning on. She says hi Stephen she gives you one of these. She's encroaching on my man. That's okay with you. She's really pretty so I don't think you'd mind. Barbara B. You know what? Do you want to join the conversation? I don't know what you gotta talk about. I'm talking about, sit down for a minute. Maybe you can help. Except for this damn light. But I don't want half of you because it's frustrating for those watching. Just pull this chair around. talking about some of us also no come what you can't do that I know you're trying to read I'm telling them about how much self-hatred I have right now over my weight gain and that even though you offered to get me out of here today and get me to the beach and get me somewhere I can't even get out and do anything because I'm just so miserable I am scared but don't say the C word I forgot to tell you we don't say the C word or the P word cuz then YouTube kind of nicks us and I'm trying to tell them that even if I'm bigger I need to get rid of this self-hatred that I have over being bigger and I I don't know it was just there's other people on here my friends that are feeling the same way but then others who have turned it around and are doing really great I just needed to talk to people who understand this feeling and he's done everything he can to help you guys like I said he just took down all of Christmas why I sat in my bedroom I'm not done yet I'm taking a break taking a break you can pull up a chair and hang on if you want just maybe something you have to say would be helpful well that feels good so I need to snap out of it I'm sorry you guys my intent was not to get on here and be like this or else I wouldn't have gotten on here maybe I should get off and come back when I'm not like thank you Janet and you know what I appreciate it so much because there's a big bright beautiful tomorrow okay here's some good news I went got some new bras yeah but only cuz I gained weight because I wanted something but this one was it I just picked it off the rack and I like it thank you guys like it I'm missing Disneyland I have my small world necklace on and then my big bright beautiful tomorrow on I'm just in a I'm just in a slump and I thought I'd come share all the joy with you guys Tony I wish I knew what the answer was because there really isn't anything anything I think that's what I need to face and hear myself say out loud instead of is I need to be okay with myself until I am back into the frame of mind to do something about it because there isn't anything anybody else can do but me right I mean first rule of fight Christian you've been gone for a few months I have enough for a few months oh honey no thank you oh yes yes yes you know my friend Lori says that she messages me she says stop saying that about having a game you look fine I'm like no I've gained how much I've I went over 200 you guys and at my lowest I was 165 thanks Johnny I think Nancy he's wonderful but unfortunately I'm making him suffer right along with me it's just I don't know I think it's just being tired of this whole thing right I guess that has something to do with it I mean we can't even go out to dinner and sit outside of an eating establishment um thank you Jessica you know what Andrea I've been going to me it's not meetings in person because I don't go anywhere but I have been going to tons of meetings around the country and as most of you know I'm gonna put you guys up here for a second see if this helps I enjoy meetings I am not awake okay first of all I'm still a wait watcher I'll always be a wait you're on my lazy Susan and I keep moving I have been going to zoom in meetings and I've been sitting in on them at all hours of the day hoping they will help and their subjects right now just seem kind of strange it's like I can't connect to what they're saying it's not in two today and I couldn't figure out what their message was you know let me go back and say hi to anybody I may have missed in my little pouty cry and anybody who wants to give me a thumbs up I'll take it for just because it's not gonna I've been trying it okay so also I know I'm all over the place right now but I have you all here I'm so happy to see you all here Steve got me a camera for Christmas I have a beautiful new camera in which to vlog and make videos and cook with me's and I just can't do it hi Tonya honey Angela the Adela versus I totally understand how you feel I just get tired about thinking about my weight all the time I'm embarrassed about how I look and feel so out of control Angela just in one little paragraph put out what I've been trying to say for 23 minutes that's exactly how I feel I think back to before I lost my weight when I was this size and bigger I didn't hate myself the way I do now at all I was happy Steve loved me he still loves me so I don't know I am tired of thinking of the food I as you guys know I'm not a food lover I'm just so tired of thinking about it but see I shouldn't be on here talking like this because this is of no help to anybody who is trying me if you're a newbie don't listen to me don't listen to this video hi Lisa from Portland or again start doing some healthy good with me we love those what's healthy good yeah Tonya I've been having my fair share as well which I know if I stop would help tremendously help with the bloat it's all in my gut I read somewhere today that menopause causes a lot of gut weight now don't get me wrong I'm not trying to shift the reason I've gained weight not at all I'm just saying I've never read that before is it tomorrow or Tamara hello oh cook with me Barbara I can't tell you how many times I pulled out my recipes my hunger girls and white waters my everything and I get my tripod out get camera out or my phone and then I just can't put a smile on my face and make feel good video and I can't pretend and so I don't know what I need to do to get the click back I don't know if it needs life to just be normal again and then I'll have the click back sometimes I feel that this is what it feels like to be in jail I mean but in jail I think if you get a haircut and have your eyebrows done Tracy says you can lose the weight because I know you can do it in here gorgeous thank you Tracy hi Jermaine oh look at all you swells in here as just the thought of trying to lose this again just makes me sick it was hard every pound I go down I think where I was this doesn't help me on weight loss okay Jessica says today's topic is reset the calling it replay focusing on things in the past that made you feel good okay so like I said I went to those two meetings and I went from beginning to end and was listening to very different leaders and I just could not figure it out what happened to our nice w-double simple simple meetings because right now here's my problem with the meetings I feel that they are they're avoiding what's going on in our world right now and not giving us the tools we need for the time that we're in does that make sense do you guys understand what I'm saying to that yes I can and so in fact I got a not only did my husband give me a camera for Christmas he got me a lovely treadmill which I have been walking on I'm much before going outside to walk which I started this week with a bang but then the depression just sits in and then it's just like down the grade yeah she did Johnny let's see hi Donna 35 pounds 30 to 35 pounds seems to be the going right I think so Johnny and precious to stop you know we all go this I know thank you so much you guys there it's illegal here right now they're not allowed to they're not none of nothing is open we're not allowed to go gals who get pedicures no pedicures unfortunately I don't have anybody in my family who cuts hair we're not allowed to go to restaurants they don't even we can't even die everything's closed down oh Jermaine the leaders it's it wasn't the leader so much it just couldn't figure out what the message was I can definitely get out and go to the park and walk if if I can just get out of my own head and do it Tonya we've got to stop we've just got to stop it but before I think I think what I'm trying to say to myself is okay like let's just say for shits and giggles excuse my franchise let's say something happened which nothing's gonna happen and I had to remain at this weight for the rest of my life not at my own choosing because I can choose to do what I know needs to be done to lose weight would I live the rest of my life itself hatred because I can't stand to look in the mirror and I I have to get over this loading of myself Oliver hasn't been here this week so he hasn't seen it thank goodness Jessica you might be onto something there thank you Beth Beth you know what I wish I was I think it was I wish it would be really nice for you guys to see me so I can be just like chipper even you know Steve said the other night because you never laugh anymore I never hear you laugh and I don't we could do it live I could give Oliver some really dull scissors you know I probably take these off now since those let me know if you guys can hear me hang on this lighting is not favorable you can't hear me Barbara okay this makes me look more professional though this way I feel like I know what I'm talking about Jimmy how are you doing some of us in here are not doing so swell some of us are hanging in there and others are losing like rock stars oh my gosh I don't know what to see is but that's another huge thing is I am so embarrassed for anybody to see me so incredibly embarrassed and this is all stuff that's again if one of you guys was saying this to me I'd be punching your lights out Louise long time viewer first-time caller right okay Jimmy but are you gaining and if not that's great and if you're hanging in there and you're okay then you're okay I just want to be okay I you know today I was I didn't put make up on because I was planning to get on here I put make up on hoping to hell I took a shower that's a big news man Jermaine that's so sweet somebody want to come up with something positive we can talk about it doesn't have to be about WW are you guys doing hi Jennifer isn't it or any of you guys are going to Zoom meeting still and are you enjoying them um thoughts give me your thoughts what would a what would a radio show host say in this at this point I know just there's 39 of you guys in here give me some feedback guys and it doesn't have to be as long as it's polite you can give it to me straight Christine quit Zoom she hated it can I explain WW plus oh Tonya honey I just got I just I can't I remember it being explained to me but I don't remember what the premise behind it was all I know is that my app seems to be way more complicated than it ever was before see Esther I know I trackbites is all the rage right now and kudos to everybody that's doing it I just didn't I tried it a while ago I think like a year and a half two years ago and I just it wasn't calculating correctly but that's just me Andrea says hello Anita I'm doing lose it app calorie counting with Amy very good and is it working for you are you enjoying that what can we do for someone else today Louise asks I like seeing people from different states on Zoom it's fun it's it's it's interesting isn't it but I noticed today this is kind of a weird thing to say that when you go in the grid and you see all the people and all the meetings there's somebody that looks just like that person in the last meeting for a minute there I thought I was in the same meeting oh good Tony that's great okay so the plus was more enhancements on that thank you Jessica I thought so too because the only thing that that annoys me just a little because I'm not I'm not a WW Vacher I mean because when I work when I do what they tell me to do I'm good is I have to scroll down so far to find the restaurants it was much easier to get to before Jennifer that cracks me up let's see Beth says original Friday morning is still going strong on Zoom we created an email in the beginning of the pandemic and have remained tight oh that's very good I'm doing blue and doing okay that's great news Beth thank you for sharing Tonya likes to lose it up to your main outside of these apps and programs common sense always works truer words my friends truer words I mean if I go in there and I grab an apple or if I go in there and grab a Susie cue which we don't have those I'm just know what they are because I hear other people talk what's the what's the the right thing to eat the common sense exactly I think that's one of the funniest things about all of us who do all these programs especially when I see folks and this is not a diss on anybody this is not a diss on anybody when people go from program to program to program program program they all basically tell you the same thing now with the three colors on WW I understand changing because like I did the purple and it was beneficial at that time to what we were eating but then I felt like I needed to be more accountable then I went back to green so that I could count every single thing and know where everything was going oh Andrea that's gotta be tough that's gotta be tough let me go back and see Darlene Darlene I used to know a lady named Darlene hello lady excuse me Donna says yours a feeling like failures for gained weight has integrated my grandfather used to say excuse me screw them all and the horses they rode in on right yeah sure does Tamara Tamara I'm sorry I've pronouncing right maybe I need to get in there and read more of it and get more get my spark back I don't know what it's gonna take I haven't feeling it's not gonna be until I can be free of my home to really have that spark I don't know because every morning I wake up and I I want it so bad like couldn't wait case Jimmy's is still disliking zoom but good news they finally decided they would eventually open my studio they closed up in November Jimmy's as a health care worker have you had the vaccine because my health care workers out here who I'm friends with a lot of them have had it so they're running free in the world Angela says I know that you're feeling bad about yourself but just so you know listening to you now is helping me thank you it's kind of nice to knowing that I'm not alone in how I feel and you're helping people Angela that's very kind very kind because I should be positive I should be making people feel better but I just can't right now and selfishly I needed to get on here and make sure it wasn't alone that I'm not the only person who's painted as a weight it is nice Esther isn't it until tomorrow morning when I have to get dressed and nothing fits again and I refuse to buy any more new clothes that's the hard part nose itches Joni's doing eye track bites no you know what Johnny it's I'm happy with my program it's it's me it's my headspace I'm a WW girl and I'm I'm good where I am but thank you and we absolutely need to get outside your main it makes a difference well Judith I feel good to see you too it's always so nice oh no lots of snow can't get out Andrea thank you for asking Oliver has a five o'clock shadow he's just he had his 11th birthday in December he's a big boy not big as I'm not calling him fat but he's he's gonna be a big boy he's almost as tall as his dad now he's almost as tall as me he's doing great no company is supposed to be offering in a few weeks good keep me up posted on that he's doing really well we had a I haven't talked to you guys since Christmas have I um we had a lovely Christmas both his mom and his dad were here Christmas Eve day and we had a real nice meal and we all spent the night and had Christmas morning together and it was really nice it was super nice when you say it was one of our better Christmases it was we had a lot of fun we had a lot of laughs and then with Oliver having both of his parents there he had this this he's he has his confidence now that he's never had before he's he's a whole new guy he's he's he's doing really well he's doing great on his virtual learning he's a he's a different guy now there's a mommy's back he has a lot less worries going on none of us are going crazy alone we've got each other we just need to find one big padded room right um let's see Donna says never feel thank you Donna that's very kind very very kind hello Anna Maria I'm doing all right thank you I have not because of COVID um I was able to face time with them when they faced time with their mother here but not in person no always okay to ask Barbara anything's okay to ask if I had an answer I'd give it to you but at this point who knows I think my personal opinion I don't know I don't know I'm afraid of falling but I'm determined to get over these feelings that will pass and I know mine will pass too I just wish there was something I could do to make them pass I miss my routine of walking all over school and you know saying hi to my neighbors and hi to the you know the guy who walks them across the street and sometimes I just feel like I'm the last woman on earth that I'm in my house all by myself it was nice darling it was really nice it would have been my son just turned 40 Jessica thanks for asking my hands are really good um the only problem I have though is when I have to use the all the alcohol and the hand sanitizer I'll get a break out but other than that they're really good thank you so much for asking Barbara I think what's most likely to happen is that dad is going to get an apartment out here and um that way all over I think I think it's going to be like a 65 35 situation because he's been here for so long now this is his house this is his home and the only reason he's not here right now is because Steve had to quarantine after going on a trip but he'll be coming home pretty soon he calls no no I want to come home I'm like I want you to come home but you can't right now but he's doing super well I'm proud of him I'm really proud of him I haven't Tonya because um I just haven't um depression is a funny thing it just takes every joy out of you anything that you want to do and then you think I'm going to try I'm going to try and then it just doesn't happen but yeah I just need to realize that my self worth isn't any less because I'm heavy again that's where I'm having all the problems nobody not one single person has ever said anything to me about my weight especially and Steve he never has um Oliver was kind of funny yeah I'll say something like uh oh man I'm craving a big mac and he'll be like uh no he's like my w w please star how are you it's great to see you too it's great to see all you swells Jessica I even have tried a couple videos and and you know I'm lucky if I could get on my it's just please you guys know that any suggestions that you're giving me I'm not shooting down your suggestions it's just for I'm I'm just depressed and when you're depressed you don't want to do anything I got dressed today though that's a big I got an actual clothes I'm not in my it'll come back yeah let's see kitty says I go to several days some day I go to several days some days you'll hear the folks struggling as you are they jump in and try to help um the one thing too that about the zoom meetings is how every single leader wants you to go on their connect so right before the end I leave Brenda says same here but I know it is so obvious I've gained yeah it's obvious to me too oh Jessica that's a good idea he gets out and rides his bike and kitty the thing is is there to me I know I'm all and they're all the same and there's nothing that I care to I know what I'm doing you know what I'm saying and I don't mean to sound cocky but you we all know what we're doing do we not those of us who have been doing this for how many years no I know Patricia I've been in depressive my whole life um it runs in my family and oh Judith true words my friend it's just like Friday um I was thinking because Steven I used to every Friday night we go to this Mexican restaurant which most of you guys probably know and at the beginning of the day I thought oh I'm going to call Don Cuckoo's and make reservations even if we have to sit in the parking lot and then as I picked up my phone I realized we can't even sit in the parking lot it's just so dumb um Tonya friend one of my meetings gave me some essential oils once to try out and it gave me the worst headache in the world you know it's just it's just Andrea you're making me laugh it's just me it's my chemical imbalance it's my mindset it's the way of the world it's being closed in my house and I just need to snap out of it I just need to let loose of this the self hatred I'm not watching to those of you are saying why don't I watch so and so no go do this I'm not watching any w w videos right now they don't inspire me it's stuff I've heard and said a hundred times over um in some cases they just make me feel worse because some people are just so excellent at being light watchers and they're so excellent at everything and they live in other states where they can go out and about do this and that and life is just so normal for them while it's so not normal for me it doesn't help so I'm not watching any w w videos right now I've been I yeah no it's I don't need medicine you guys I just need to have my life back to normal again maybe after I can get the vaccine or something at least we have better weather absolutely Jessica and I need to start sitting out there more often oh Beth yes you're right hi cat and you know that's a whole other issue that I can't even get into but you're absolutely correct and I'm not that that person you know you have your people who let's get our governor and and you know that I'm the gal that's just gonna sit back do what I'm told because the more worked up I get the worse it's gonna make my psyche so I'm just gonna wait and try to be you're right kitty when I am I will I absolutely will we do I know but it's not happening anytime soon premises same here I live in Illinois and life is so not normal for us here we still can't go eat at a restaurant indoors too cold outside 81 today crazy but good with the only bummer is here it's so so very windy that we can't open our windows because then the shades are off all right I need something positive I need to say something positive before we leave this little get together because then I'm not going to sleep tonight and worry about all you loverlies who have all the kindest words you write germane it is time let's see stars is sometimes a good escape is a good movie that's one thing I have been doing that I have been enjoying greatly is I go on TCM Turner classic movies and I record all the feel good movies from like the 40s and the 50s been loving them absolutely loving them I don't watch anything sad or depressing or anything Kim needs to be with her people there's a lot of people like that thankfully that's one thing I have to be thankful I am with my people oh Brenda flattery will get you anywhere thank you Terry Judith I forget where you are can you remind me because then you get it like today for instance oh that light you guys should have told me I had that big thing glaring on me I'm sorry I need the gaffer in here or a grip or somebody to do something with that light let's get over Ontario okay that's right oh Tonya that I don't want that to be true because I shouldn't be anybody's inspiration for anything right now except for buying big clothing barely kitty I had to bounce in and out of coals because I had to have a bra and I had to return something and let me tell you it was the quickest trip ever Steve does all the shopping it's good to see you darling I wish I was the happy needed that you're used to to all you guys to all you regular swells that I just love so much I promise the next time I come on no I'm not going to promise that because if I need you again and I'm feeling like this I'm just gonna come on vaccine should be coming soon I have great hopes for that I saw it recently Patricia boy is that a hokey movie did you know that Judy Garland was supposed to do oh no that was Annie get your gun it's very encouraging Beth it's very encouraging but guess who has the biggest fear of needles ever it's good to see you guys too please know I appreciate your words so much I don't go anywhere either Christine Steve does everything go get out Kat why you can run like the wind run like the wind get away from and I'm sorry guys I don't mean to be negative I just needed to talk to people who understand people who get it because my thin husband over there they just don't get it right and that's okay I just needed to talk to you guys somebody who would get it oh what is my tail oh no lips need a no lips need a my name in the big house thank you Angel I appreciate you appreciating that I don't want to get out Tony I'm too I can't catch this thing and I'm choosing not to go I'll step my I'll put my big toe in the water now then but that's it with an autoimmune disorder if something happened and I got it I had a lady taking seriously one time I got a message excuse me but I didn't know you were in jail or prison thank you Terry thank you so much seriously thank you guys for letting me sit down here and not be a ray of sunshine I much prefer being the happy fun stupid and way too loud Nina I prefer her and I want her back and I hope you guys because I have also gotten a couple of messages saying no love you Nina but I can't watch you when you're down I hope you guys will stick around because I have to come back I I can't stay like this I need to Barbara he's been the brunt of all of this completely Brenda I just got done talking about him he's doing great he's doing wonderful you know it's even light enough and early enough where I could probably go to the park if I wanted to Joanie I appreciate that and it's so nice to see you the last few times or for a while I hadn't seen your name and I was hoping everything was well I always like I just love seeing you guys thank you Judith and anybody who wants to who isn't on instagram and wants to come over I posted my instagram stories during the week when I'm home alone because I need to talk so I sit over there and talk to myself and then people to there's 50 of you guys here oh my gosh now let me just say this about that as Maria would say and Maria is my mother I hope that some of you folks sitting in the back row aren't here just to see me being miserable because unfortunately in this community there are a few so if that's why you're here that's a total bummer I saw Barbara that you're doing tiktok I still have not ever checked it out or gone over there but oh boy you guys are having way too much fun Instagram the little bit of Facebook that I do and this one I'm here is enough for me or else I'll never see these guys I've been on the computer all day today thank you Donna that means a lot it's all right Tanya they're just sitting in the back watching thinking I don't know when I do it it's totally okay no Instagram Brenda that's okay star love you too Darlene you guys thank you for for the validation that I am not alone and next time I just feel this coming up and I know I remember everybody hi Tamsen, Tamsen says I feel like I've been riding a roller coaster the whole time through this horrific up and down up and down I'm really getting sick on this thank you Barbara I see you guys and I think about you all the time and um oh for anybody who sent me Christmas cards I haven't gotten them all to come yet because I forgot to tell you I closed my PO box because uh since I haven't been doing videos I didn't see a reason to have it but I'm gonna do it again it's it's in my head it's in my wants it's the number one thing on my wishlist is to do my videos again but I have to have enthusiasm to talk about it and I'm trying to think of other things to talk about too because after so long you guys we keep hearing the same things be repeated by by all of us and that just kind of gets unless you know it gets monotonous Brenda says oh my goodness you're so not alone I'm missing my kids can't travel to Canada I've been on the roller coaster good night Patricia thanks for popping in my Scottish friend speaking of Scotland I wonder where Esther is across the pond she's probably sleeping you know what here's the thing about that queen we let ours lapse right before the pandemic so we were like okay totally cool with that we'll just go back in after uh the park opens I'm sorry about this bright light the thing I didn't think about was my my pass my discount because I'm still purchasing stuff but I don't have my discount good night Janet thanks for coming by I'm gonna let you guys all go now because now that I said I was gonna hang up Steve got up and fixed it for me Barbara sorry Barbara I watch everything you do I'd never comment but I'm watching everything food finds I'm not doing ww usually the stuff you show is lower calories and healthier and you know what yesterday after Steve got home from Walmart I taped everything and then we went to Costco and we put everything away and I forgot to tape it and I was just like shine it that's how oh I am I mean I couldn't even be bothered to put that out there for you guys ah like so ah there's a couple things I'm trying to get today Donna to be honest with some stuff in my kitchen hi Della I'm glad you did I'm so glad you did oh my gosh I wish I had something fun to talk about I have 51 people here to chit chat with and I can't think of anything can you think of anything I should tell them that I haven't told them come down so they could see your whole face those are all my Disney mugs not all of them but most of them oh my iPad's really hot oh Barbara you're so sweet not all Brenda says hi oh my thumb is stuck do you guys this never happened to you where your fingers are your your toes or your fingers get stuck and you can't move it oh I can't move it plus she has a great guess on live I don't I miss something oh Mima he's cute I wish I could get him to sit here and talk with me that would be fun if I had a co co-partner what game you haven't watched football since we got married all of a sudden you're gonna watch football thank you Anna Marie I appreciate that thank you guys he is he's been putting up with a lot of a lot all right well if nobody has anything that they need or want to talk about I think it's go live with other people I've seen it I know for sure that you can on Instagram Barbara in fact Amy and I did once before I don't know how to do it on here and I don't know who I'd go on with I saw that that Carrie made a video today I guess there was a collaboration on Air Fryers I saw that Carrie posted it's nice to see her yes Tanya oh my gosh for those who didn't know I was I lost the diamond in my wedding ring and I was devastated and I just there was no way I thought I could find it because I didn't know when I lost it what room whatever I mean I knew it had to be in the house but I live in a very cluttered atmosphere and I found the diamond and I was I couldn't believe it thank you Tina thank you are you you're an oldie music fan huh yeah I just need to get to the park and I don't know what I need let's be honest I probably should huh Brenda everybody says I should get my ring insured you know insurance yeah that's good Brenda I'm glad you have something to lean back on all right you guys oh did I did it to be oh no I didn't at the beginning I said I had been drinking water but I had my red bull now which I haven't even drank and I don't need it this late in the day oh you mean like in that because I'm trying to think of what oldie music more of the vintagey stuff Christine yes I'm making out anybody who's been here with me since the beginning you remember the hole I talked about on my old couch I'm making a new one on my new couch I can already feel the springs springing thank you for hanging in there with me friends Jermaine that's the absolute truth and whenever I put it on you know what we need to hit the bows back up after this room's cleaned out and start listening to our music again yeah thank you Jermaine for that reminder Panya no no no all right finally I mean it I'm not going to look at the screen so I don't respond to anything I appreciate so much those of you you took the time to sit here with me and listen to a glorified wine session um I can honestly say I would do it for any and all of you as well except for the guys sitting in the back row didn't hang um but thank you and thanks for the hugs and I can't wait till we can all you know that's another big huge here I go is actually touching other human beings besides Steve I'm a huge hugger huge hugger a hug everybody talk to everybody at the market all of that's all it's human contact I think that's um that's got me this way see you guys brought it across for me you made me realize a couple things okay Jessica love you ladies and Jimmy thank you so much for doing your good deed for the day because you did because I'm smiling hopefully I can keep it there till I go to bed hi Jenny bye Jenny I'm sorry you just you know what you didn't miss anything but a big snoozefest of an old lady whining and crying about something that she'll eventually fix all right you guys have a great night if anybody wants to hit 23 likes thanks you guys thank you so much you guys all take care too and I'm going to be back with a more optimistic video soon love you guys