 We've gone a long way and we've circumnavigated the globe and I've reviewed the death in death drive from as far as I know every possible angle and I think it all leads to the conclusion, the said conclusion that when a child is born it is given the choice between life and death by his mother and healthy mothers, loving mothers, caring mothers, Winnicotian good enough mothers let the child choose that is exactly separation, individuation some children choose death regardless of the mother but the overwhelming vast majority choose life it is when the mother chooses for the child that she invariably chooses death even if she believes that she is choosing life even if she thinks she is being protective and loving and caring and holding and containing whenever the mother makes the choice she is choosing death for her child and once the child has become intimate with death there is no going back because death is the womb, it's an oceanic feeling, it's nirvana it's the beginning and the end, it is far superior to life far more gratifying, far more engulfing and encompassing and soothing and comforting once a child gets in touch and gets to know death it never lets go and it keeps choosing death into adulthood and into its own physical death that is a mother's poison gift, that is a legacy a mother's main role is to push the child away to reject the child in a loving manner, to serve as a secure base while the child is propelled by her, encouraged by her to explore the world out there, externally separate from her a mother who is too insecure, too selfish to let the child go is a mother who chooses death for her child and her child will never ever revive all the self-styled experts online provide answers to your questions the answers are rubbish but they still provide answers to your questions and I am here to question their answers and even more importantly yours so welcome to questioning your answers session today I'm going to tackle four of your questions I'll start with the first one do narcissists hold everyone in contempt? the short and the long of it is absolutely narcissists hold in cold, demeaning contempt the very people that they envy and they hold in virulent, sadistic contempt people that they depend on for narcissistic supply attention, adulation, admiration and so on they also hold in contempt people that they need for the maintenance of the shared fantasy with so-called love let me summarize it for you they hold in contempt everyone if it moves they hold it in contempt but above all they hold themselves in utmost disdain self-loathing and they compensate for this with pretend godlike grandiosity so that's why we keep saying that pathological narcissism is compensatory the contempt is on 24, 7, 365 no letter consequently so is the narcissism the narcissistic defences they also own all the time next question are narcissists capable of love? narcissists are incapable of any positive emotion not only love it's because they are unable to access these emotions these emotions are walled in firewall, buried, repressed, suppressed out of reach this is the difference between the narcissist and the borderline the narcissist is terrified of becoming emotionally dysregulated if he were to access his emotions first and foremost the shame so narcissists are incapable of love they are incapable of loving but I think even more importantly they are incapable of being loved consider this okay are narcissists lazy? narcissists appear to be lazy they appear to be indolent slackers but actually they're not narcissists are very hard workers to obtain and to secure narcissistic supply is hard work ask any junkie to ascertain or to make sure that you have an uninterrupted flow of the drug of your choice is a full-time job but narcissists perceive themselves as godlike perfection reified so God created the entire universe in six days and eight short sentences utterances God didn't have to work hard for it he just you know spoke said something here we are so the narcissist perceiving himself as the absolute equal of God the equivalent of God a divine, a divinity, a deity of some kind the narcissist believes that his words are more than enough they don't have to be followed with action he's a great believer in what the Greeks called the logos he believes and this is of course critical thinking the narcissist believes that if he were only to wish something to think about something to contemplate something it would become true in reality and so God is also entitled to special treatment service and supplication and the narcissist is no exception being a god he expects this from other people he expects to be treated by special people in a special way and he expects to be serviced the famous four S's sex, supply, services, safety and he expects submissiveness obedience the supplication part other people should labor and toil to realize, to actualize to materialize the nitty gritty aspects of the narcissist's big picture vision yes, the narcissist has the vision thing and he's above the tedium above the boring stuff above the pedestrian, the cotidian the day to day he sits in his armchair contemplating the universe the big picture he has a panoramic and synoptic view of everything and he hands down instructions and commands and orders to the lesser mortals that surround him another question he has like to do with narcissism it's about intrusive thoughts what to do with intrusive thoughts thoughts that occupy your mind and despite your best efforts you cannot get rid of them here's the thing, the more you try to suppress an intrusive thought the more pervasive and potent strong, powerful it becomes this is known in clinical psychology as ironic rebound if I were to tell you to not think of an elephant the first thing that would come to your mind would be an elephant of course so try the opposite force yourself knowingly and consciously to contemplate only the intrusive content focus on the intrusive thought dredge it up provoke it, evoke it elicit it, consider it analyze it, think only about it put away from your mind anything that's not intrusive anything that doesn't have to do with these intrusive thoughts whenever another unrelated thought occurs to you immediately recall the intrusive thought and focus on the intrusive thought in great detail you will find out that gradually the intrusive thoughts will seize all together and finally I have been asked some people are charitable altruistic helpful they give a lot in a variety of ways are these, could these be narcissists well there is something called communal or pro-social narcissists but more generally some people know how to love only by giving giving is their way of showing and expressing love but when the gifts of such people are rebuffed or ignored they panic they become control freaks the giving of these people becomes compulsive coercive the very opposite of love so people who give as a substitute for love people who are incapable of loving but are capable of giving are actually control freaks this is their way of mastering the situation and the recipient of their largesse they cannot countenance being rejected they take rejection very badly and then they become real monsters and their giving is out of control it's absolutely coercive and controlling and compulsive and you have to take what they are giving and if you don't and then you are the enemy or something is wrong with you pathologize you they bat mouth you and so on this is pathological giving a sick kind of giving ok I hope I have question all your answers stay with me for the next episode which will be I promise hell of a knot longer why because I love the sound of my voice