 The makers of Wrigley's Spear Mint chewing gum invite you to enjoy life, Life with Luigi, a comedy show created by Cy Howard, directed by Mack Benoff and starring that celebrated actor Mr. J. Carol Nash with Alan Reed as Pasquale. Friends, the makers of Wrigley's Spear Mint chewing gum are glad to bring you life with Luigi because they feel it's a friendly, good-natured show that offers you relaxation and enjoyment. And you know, Wrigley's Spear Mint chewing gum offers you relaxation and enjoyment too. It's pleasant to chew on a smooth piece of Wrigley's Spear Mint whether you're working, shopping, listening to your radio, or doing just about anything. Wrigley's Spear Mint gum tastes good, it's refreshing, and the good, easy chewing gives you comfort and satisfaction. So chew Wrigley's Spear Mint gum often, every day, millions enjoy it, and you will too. Now, Wrigley's Spear Mint chewing gum brings you Luigi as he writes another letter describing his adventures in America to his mama basco in Italy. Mommy, you want I should write to you more about America. Well, to begin, over here everybody is equal, the rich man has got the money, but the poor man has got a something of better, unemployment and insurance. And also the men and the women, they're both equal in everything. Over here the ladies, they smoke, they work, they drive the car, and mommy, the way they go on is someday they're going to go out to work and let the men have the babies. And there's something else about the American Mamma Mia, they do things quick over here. Today is a big hole in the ground, tomorrow is a big building in the hole, and tomorrow everybody's inside wondering how they're going to be able to pay the rent. The biggest thing that they got in America is the Mamma Mia, it's a big business. They got one company, it's standard oil, what, maybe a million dollars, but they deserve it. Mr. Rockefeller, he sees the people driving around in the cars, so he's kind enough to invent a gas station. Here, mommy, here's a big, beautiful, rich country, and every night when I go to my night school, I sing, America, I love you, you're like a papa to me, from the ocean to ocean. Mamma Mia, there's a lot of traffic tonight. Pardon me, sir. Huh? You want me? I'm strange in town. Could you direct me to Route 66? 66, sir? Oh, sure. Well, you go one block straight, then turn the left. Then a left, then a left again. Wait, then I'd be back where I started. Sure, but you're strange in Chicago, and I wonder you should see our beautiful library two blocks up before you go home. Thank you, I'm in a hurry. But 66 is straight ahead, huh? Sure. There's a little white sign that says on the lamp post. See it over there? Where? What little white sign? There. Oh, yeah. Well, they should make those road signs bigger. Yeah, I'll take a shot, too. Well, thanks. You're welcome. And the next time you're in Chicago, come to me if you get lost. That's right. There should be bigger signs. Hmm. It's all the time. I never saw a fella all these years. All right, glass. Quiet, please. I'll call the roll. Mr. Basco. Here. Mr. Johnson. Mr. Schultz. Tally-ho-pe-pe-pon-cherry-ho. That's why the sudden British accent. Well, Ms. Barling, I tell you, we got today a lesson in English. I just wanted to get into the mood. Smile, everybody. All right, let's begin the lesson. Yes, Mr. Basco? Ms. Barling, you think the 66 should be bigger than the lamp post? What? Well, there's road signs there. Do you think they should be bigger so that people can see them better? Oh, a waste of time. You know, the average driver today don't bother to look at the lamp post. He's too busy climbing it. Please. Please. Class, I asked you to review the chapter on punctuation marks and your grammars. Mr. Horowitz, you may tell us the reason we need punctuation marks. With pleasure. With punctuation marks, we can show little stops in a sentence. Yes, yes. Now, Mr. Schultz, how do we know when a sentence should have a stop? When it comes to a red light. Don't be so funny, Mr. Schultz. Oh, smile, Ms. Barling. I really know the answer. Never mind. No, please, I know the answer. Quiet, Mr. Olsen. We know a sentence should have a punctuation mark. Even a pause is indicated in the thought. Himmel, I didn't know the answer. Very good, Mr. Olsen. Now, Mr. Basko, you may name three punctuation marks and tell us when they are used. How do the comma, that's used for a little pause. And the colon, that's for a big pause. Semicolon, that's a pause. Too big for the comma, too little for the colon. I have to understand that definition. That was very well put, Mr. Basko. Only one thing I don't understand, Ms. Barling. Yes, what's that? Why did they put such a smaller 66 on a lamp post? Oh, goodness. Not again. Luigi, why the sudden worry about highway signs on the lamp posts? Well, it's a strange fellow. He's a driver to Chicago tonight. He don't know how to get out of the city. Mr. Basko, all I can say is there isn't very much you can do about those highway signs. Pardon me, Ms. Baldwin. But I would like to correct that statement. This is a democracy where anything is possible. That if a man makes his voice heard, he can move mountains. Listen to him, the Swedish bulldozer. Everybody can get out of Chicago in a minute if he just uses his head a little. But how sure? With a little sign. Now, look, they call us the windy city, right? Yes. All right. Back up your car into a heavy tailwind on Michigan Avenue and whoosh! Hello, Albuquerque. Luigi, I personally agree with Olsen. America is always open for suggestions. If you think you've got a good idea for those signs, you should take it up with the people in charge of the highways. But who's this? Any woman driver. Mr. Schultz, stop confusing him. In line with what Mr. Olsen said, Mr. Basko, if you feel very strongly about those signs, you may stay after class and write to your congressman, telling him how you feel. My congressman? In a Washington? Well, yes, many people write their congressman to suggest new laws. And he's not going to be angry with me? Poppy cockle. Luigi, even if he does get angry, what can he do to you? Will he hold back your citizen papers? Will he make a speech against you in Congress? Will he turn you over to the draft board? Sure, sir, will he? No. Just before election, they are all angels. And so, I hope you like my idea, Mr. Congressman. You see, this is the first letter I'm going to write to any government since I'm in America. And to me, it's the biggest honor. I wish you luck and election as soon, Mr. Congressman, signed yours with truly Luigi Basko and a ticket shop at 21 and not the whole set of state. And I'd drop in if you were ever in the neighborhood, I'd make you a bigger dinner. How do you like it, Mr. Basko? Well, it's excellent, Mr. Basko. I'm proud of you. Now, just add that you're in the 28th district. All right. My beautiful teacher, Mr. Basko... The 28th district. Well, I thought maybe you like to be the congressman's wife. The 28th district. Yes, that's fine. There. If the congressman has answered this and that, I'm going to be so important, I'm allowed to stop talking to myself. Luigi, my friend. Luigi, hello, hello. Hello, Mr. Baskali. I've been waiting for you when you stole a little cabbage bus. I come here so late. The teacher kept you after school. I help you look with your brain. Stop, Mr. Baskali. His Aunt Magistrate wrote the letter to my congressman. What? You wrote it to your congressman? Yeah. Why, Baskali? Baskali, talk to me. Why? Why are you looking at Diana so sad on the floor? I'm just saying goodbye to a dear departed friend. Oh, who was it? You. Me. I don't mean ex-Avia Kugatz. Baskali, you think he's going to be angry with me for writing? Maybe not. But do you want to take some good advice from me, Luigi? Who are the Baskali? Don't tear up your Italian citizen papers. Well, no, I know you're joking. Joking? You're stupid or boba for you. This is a big catatopry. Baskali, why should anybody be angry if I'm right to my congressman in a plain little letter about making bigger road designs on a lamppost? Look, Luigi, it's not so much you wrote about a sign. It's because you complain. It's like being invited to dinner and when you leave, you say, excuse me, you got a stomach-a-pumpin' house? No, no, no. Baskali, what they're going to do with me? Well, they only got one punishment for foreigners who's a complain about things in America. What? Next week, when the cattle boat leaves the Chicago for Italy, it's going to carry 100 long horns or 200 short horns and a one green horn. You're not going to send me back. Mamma mia, why my teacher has told me to write to my congressman in Baskali? Don't blame the poor girl for your troubles, Luigi. She just keeps forgetting you ain't a foreflushed citizen here. Well, my boy, if there's anything you want, I should have sent you to Italy like chewing a gum or comic book or peanut brittle. Don't say that to Baskali. Please, Baskali, you're my countryman. You brought me here to America. You must think this something for me. You got only one road out of the trap. One road? Marry Rosa. All right, that's the trap. Now show me the road. All right, Mr. Lattice Scribbler, you write to me when you get back to Italy. Wait, wait, Baskali, how are you going to help me if I marry Ross? I told you a thousand times, you marry a citizen that's a contagious. It makes you a citizen right away. Then you could have sent even a million of terrible Lattice to your congressman and the only thing you could do was to cross you off as a pre-seeds list. Mr. Baskali, I don't want to get married. There must be some other way. No other way, Luigi. If you stay a bachelor and lead a single life in Italy or marry Ross and lead a double life in America. No, wait, wait, Baskali. I'm going to get another way. I'm going to apologize to my congressman. What? I'm going to write postcard and put on six-cent stamps on the show? Go ahead. But I got to warn you, Luigi, if you do that, you're going to violate America's biggest law. What's that? The ASPCA. ASPCA? Alien, send to the postcard MS. Before we return to life with Luigi, here's how you can please a lot of youngsters this coming Halloween. Get some packages or a box or two of delicious Wrigley Spearmint chewing gum. And when the kids come calling for tricks or treats, give them sticks or packages of Wrigley Spearmint. They love to get chewing gum, especially Wrigley Spearmint gum. And when you give it to them, you know you're giving them a treat that's wholesome and healthful. Then, too, Wrigley Spearmint gum's an inexpensive treat. You can get enough for all your Halloween callers at very little cost. So get ready for those Halloween bell ringers with Wrigley Spearmint chewing gum. If you are giving it, the youngsters will enjoy getting it. Now, let's turn to page two of Luigi Basko's letter to his mother in Italy. Yeah, I wrote a special letter to my congressman and an apologizer for bothering him with a road to 66 signs. I just thought to make him feel good. I promised to help him look for a job if he's a loser. Here's a job in November. But I've never been so worried in my life. Luigi, my fellow boomer. You know, you look like a popsicle that was sitting in the sun too long. Did you send out that letter to your congressman, Luigi? Two letters, just two. Ach, ja, dat schmat. I forgot congressman, it's got two houses. You miss him in one, you're gonna catch him in the other. But why the long face, Luigi? Well, I wrote the two letters because first it was about the roads, signs and then Basko told me I'm not the other citizen so the FBI is gonna take off from my fingerprints and send me to the ASPCA. You're not screaming, Pascuali. Has he got you for shimmel? Now back up, Luigi. Start in the middle and work toward both ends till I catch up with you. I did a terrible thing by the congress about the signs. Pascuali said. Not stop, Luigi. When will you learn that Pascuali has got a genuine anyone delicatessen personality? What's that? Whatever comes out of that ham is pure baloney. How can one little schnuck be so gullible? Didn't Pascuali wind up asking you to marry Rosa? Yeah, yeah, but he's only meant that to helping me out. What a dumb cop. Luigi, how you've managed to remain a bachelor so long is a secret bigger than the atom bomb. Why do you believe everything that Schwengali tells you? Don't you have a mind of your own? You mean I'm not in a troubleshoes? Ah, Luigi, this is a free country. You can write anything to anybody any time. But if you want to, you can write love letters to Betty Grable and nobody's gonna stop you. Nobody? Well, play it safe. Mail the letter while Harry James is on the road. Be happy. Remember this. Things we worry about in life never happen. And what's about the other half of Schultz? Well, they... Himmel, Luigi, now you've got me worried. Ah, smile, little wiener schnitzel. And promise me, no matter what happens you're never again gonna let that scheming Pascuali fool you. No, don't worry Schultz, I'm too smart enough. Well, well, look who we got here. Mr. Picklepedler himself. Mr. Picklepedler. Mr. Picklepedler, then a pizza pusher. Mr. Schultz, please. All right, all right, I'm going, Luigi. But please, remember this. You are too smart now, no matter what happens. Yeah, yeah, goodbye, Schultz. Mr. Pascuali, now you're telling me why you fooled me before. I fooled you? Yeah, what you said about the FBI and the ASPCA after was a crazy. Crazy? Yeah, everything you said was just to scare me. You all are true? I'm all are true. Exclamation's the point, the parts of the period? Exclamation. In that case, I leave you with just the two words. Mararosa. What? What are you talking about? Oh, nothing, just a little letter coming for you from Washington. Washington? D.C.? It ain't from George. Hey, look for yourself. All right. Dear Mr. Pascuali, your letter received in a contents noted. It was a truly mighty happy hadn't in a congressman in 28th district. Noted, Luigi. That's like a note to rise. That means the congressman was swearing at you. All right, now read what's a printer outside the envelope or left here to call. Penalty for private use of five hundred dollars of fine or imprisonment. What does it mean, Mr. Pascuali? Means that when the swallows fly the Capistrano, you're going to wave it to them from Alcatraz. Penalty for private use, Luigi. Private. Are you a private? No. Then play the penalty. Luigi, don't believe in me or Schultz. There it is in a black and a white. It's a congressman, a Myron, a P. Arrington. Well, what, what am I going to do now? That's up to you, but me, I'm going to get out of here quickly because by now the whole neighborhood knows that Pascuali's got a hot greenhorn on his hands. Pascuali, wait, wait. Tell me what I should have done. Maybe I should apologize in a person. Sure, sure. Right away they give you a quick trial for treason and condemn you to the fire in a squad. No. Yes. And when that happens, Luigi, try and die patriotic, a fall toward the Statue of Liberty. Well, it's too dangerous to hang around a suspicious aliens. Goodbye. No, no, I have Pascuali. Mami, I've got to talk to them quick. Well, where am I going to find them? Had the telephone to talk to them. Okay, sure. Where am I going to take this? Congress must have some branches in the Chicago. That is nothing under Congress. Oh, U.S. That's it. U.S. owning company, U.S. betting, U.S. metallurgy, U.S. printing company. Printing. That's it. They must be in charge of the printing up the road signs for the U.S. and maybe they're going to help me. Mami, if I ever get out of this trouble, I'm never going to get out of this trouble. And here's the place. U.S. printing company. When Luigi pick up your courage, you walk in and apologize for the U.S. Yes, sir. Can I help you? Oh, you know I'm in trouble, huh? What? I'm a Luigi basketball fellow who's a startup all of the business with the signs. Signs? What signs? The congressman hasn't told you yet. Congressman? How many signs are involved, sir? Wow! Excuse me, sir. Don't run away. Please, I'm going to try to escape. Mr. Fawnsworth, there's a Mr. Baskow out here who wants to order a lot of campaign signs for a congressman. Yes, sir. Right away. Mr. Fawnsworth will see you immediately, Mr. Baskow. He can take his time. On the contrary, he's rushing to see you. If it's so many signs, I imagine you'll be spending a good deal of time here. No, no, I'm going to spend another time. I want to get out right away. Well, before you go, we'll have to run off a trial sign. A trial? We're going to have to have a dancing? Well, certainly. Otherwise, if the signs come out bad, we'll get shot. You see, this way... Yeah, I know. This way, I'm going to get the shot. Mr. Runner, what's keeping him? I'm coming. I'm coming. I'm not sure yet. How do you do, Mr. Baskow? Come right in. Sit down, won't you? Mr. Fawnsworth, I'm a thank god I live in a democracy. At the least, I'm going to get a trial and... Cigar? No, I'm a no-gather, but if you want, I don't know I'm going to get the one for you. Very funny, Mr. Baskow. Now, what can U.S. do for you? The congressman, is it not time to you yet? No, no, but if you'll tell us just what you want... Please, please, I'm going to go home to my antique shop and trace. If the U.S. wants the small signs and make them small, I don't care if nobody sees them. Mr. Baskow, no sign is too small or too big for U.S. If you want, we can make you a sign 300 feet long and 200 feet wide. No, it's not good. It's never going to fit on the lamppost. Oh, did you want these signs to go on lampposts? Well, where else are you going to put them? Well, just what do you want on these signs, Mr. Baskow? No, no, you're not going to get the mad if I tell you? Of course not. What do you want on the signs? 66. 66? I knew you was going to get the mad. 66 what? Just plain 66. 66. Let me understand you, Mr. Baskow. You want U.S. to make you up a million signs with just a 66 on them? Well, please, put on any number you want. I don't care if you make a traffic jam all over the whole country. Just 66, eh? Oh, I get it. It'll be a teaser sign like 5440 or fight representing the congressman's district sort of a psychological inducement to engender public curiosity, eh? Huh? Still, Mr. Baskow, to attract the masses you should place those signs elsewhere than lampposts, like well, in store windows. That's no good. The Democrats are going to drive in a store to see which way is in New York. Well, I'll have it your way. Now, now for the cost. Let me see. A million signs at well, a dime each brings it to an even hundred thousand dollars. Does that sound fair to you, Mr. Baskow? Oh, sure. All right. I'll take ten thousand dollars down. You take it down where? Take it down here. Oh, you wanted me to help you carry it? Huh? I'm a knight. None of you has to pay for these things? You want us to finance your campaign? What the campaign is? Just the traffic sign for my block. Traffic sign? Don't you want a million? No, just to make a one for my block. Now, Mr. Pinesworth, please stop hitting your head on the desk. Paskali. Oh, look, honey, you face a perspire, a tongue hanging out, the clothes all must up. What's happening? You've been chasing airplanes again? Paskali, do me a favor real quick. Sure, what? Let me a hundred thousand dollars. Oh, sure. How you want it? To the nickels or pennies? No, Paskali, please. I'm in a worse life. The U.S. says I'm going to start it up a letter with the biggest signs and I've got to pay two hundred thousand dollars for the signs so that the congresses are going to take it out for me in the taxes. Luigi, the boat for Italy is parked by the dock now for you. You better take about two words of advice. Who are the Paskali? Mary Rosa. Well, I write this time I'm not going to fight no more. Don't bother to thank me for making Luigi. You can tell the bloodshed bride herself. Rosa. Rosa. Rosa. Hello, little honey buddy. Rosa, say hello to Luigi. Hello, Rosa. Maybe by next the week, if someone said to the girl he's going to be walking down the street, they're going to be calling her Rosa Bosco. Desistence? Your face. Luigi, from now on we're going to act fast. Luigi, I already came to our store by mistake. It's for you. For me? Let me see. Washington, they say that Mr. Bosco, I presented you idea concerning a large road signs before the House Committee on Highways. And it's been tabled for future consideration. Thank you for your final suggestion. In these times our country needs such a public spirit to the citizens like yourself. If you get any more ideas, I should be happy to hear from you. Yours truly, Myron P. Haddington. Gee, Luigi, and you thought you were such trouble. Rosa. Well, goodbye friends. Hey Luigi, come back here. What's about Rosa? Well, Mr. Bosco, you deserve very big argument from me, but right now I got only two words for you. Two words? Yeah, keep her. Well, Mamma Mia had a big scar today, but everything has come out to me. Mamma Mia, in what other country they let you write into the government and they give ideas? Even a postcard he's becoming a good citizen and he's writing to the government. Right now he's sitting in his house and he's writing 5,000 postcards to Congress. He's saying they should have put a 95% tax on a bachelor's from Italy. You understand Luigi Bosco, the little immigrant. Friends, the makers of Wrigley's experiment chewing gum, hope you enjoyed tonight's episode of Life with Luigi. And they want to remind you to have plenty of Wrigley's experiment chewing gum on hand for Halloween. If you're having friends over, you'll add to the fun by passing Wrigley's experiment around because it's a refreshing, delicious treat that just about everyone enjoys. Besides, you'll have fun giving sticks or packages of Wrigley's experiment to the youngsters who come to your door for tricks or treats. It's a treat that's good for them and one they'll really appreciate. When you go to the store, remember to get a supply of Wrigley's experiment chewing gum. It costs so little. It tastes so good. And it gives real chewing enjoyment. The makers of Wrigley's experiment chewing gum invite you to be sure to listen next week at the same time when Luigi Bosco writes another letter to his mama Bosco in Italy. Life with Luigi is a Cy Howard production. Pat Burton is associate producer. The script is written by Mack Benhoff and Lou Derman and directed by Mr. Benhoff. J. Carol Nash is starred as Luigi Bosco with Alan Reed as Pasquale, Hans Connery the show's Jody Gilbert as Rosa, Mary Schiff with Miss Crawling, Joe Forte as Horowitz, Ken Peters as Olsen with Hal Marks as Mr. Farnsworth and Sandra Gould. Music under the direction of Lud Blushkin. Charles Lyon speaking. This is the CBS Radio Network.