 So one of the more painful pieces of feedback that I received from friends that I recognize is just painfully true It's how inflexible I am I tend to Only one interactions with other people on my terms it's I in in a psychological perspective, it's probably in a reaction to to Huge amounts of change in my early childhood and living in different homes in foster care for a couple of years You know my mother dying when I was three and so I've reacted to all that moving around by Tending to great inflexibility and I really don't like change one of the great things about torcet programs I found is that that's really common among addicts Like I hate moving like moving is a trauma for me Moving to a different synagogue. I find it is a trauma Moving jobs I find is a trauma. I Mean moving girlfriends is traumatic Like learning to use new software is a trauma for me Like learning to do things differently. I find is a trauma for me Like I'm just struck by how much I don't like change so my my basic personality disposition is F you I'm gonna do it my way And if you don't like it, that's tough And so like I've had I've had dread. I what if I get married and my wife insists that you know, she won't have sex with me if I do videos on a certain topic Like what if marriage, you know impinges on my freedom to create and to blog I What if I have to watch out for what I say online? Because it might have negative repercussions for my children in the orthodox Jewish community or for my spouse so part of my conversion to Judaism one of the the challenges and Enjoyes is that I had to learn to live in community Right learn to live around other people. So I have lived in community most of my life I grew up a 7th Adventist and I converted to Judaism at age 27 But there are some challenges with that because you know, I love my freedom so when I speak here on YouTube I take into consideration like what could be the possible repercussions For what I'm saying to the people who are most important to me And I'll say to people on my encounter walking down the street like I walk down the street and sometimes I kind of feel oh, yeah I you know, so are you on YouTube? blah blah blah so when I've worked for myself had What feels like more freedom, right because I was working for myself Now there's a great toll and working for yourself You have to be even more responsible than when you're an employee They often have to be thinking about lining up new income opportunities. So there are also great benefits for working for someone else But then you have to take into consideration like oh, what would What would my boss's reaction be to this video if if she or he happened to stumble upon it? so you start to experience a decrease in freedom when you become an employee and then Like you get or you just have one major client and most of your income comes from one major client Then you got to think oh what could be the repercussions to this relationship. I have with one whale of a client. Oh Man, so Ricardo my fellow addict man. Ah Like change of location change of home change of house of worship Change of work change of employer like having to learn new software Just a It's a trauma I just freaking hate it and so I'm like the guy who likes to drive around a mountain road in a sports car like on my own So that if I make a mistake, you know, only I have to pay the price but For a fulfilling rich life, you can't just drive mountain roads on your own so Sometimes in life you're gonna drive that mountain road in a minivan Where you've got your parents and your grandparents and your spouse and your kids. Yeah, I like to eat the same foods every day I do too like I've been eating nachos for dinner probably 60 to 70 percent of the time for the last two months and Then eventually our shift to like probably a burrito for dinner For for months at a time and then I'll primarily eat a grilled cheese sandwich for dinner for weeks at a time and I'll eat oatmeal for breakfast for like years at a time And I'll eat protein bars for lunch for years at a time. Yeah Nachos, I thought you're a health conscious nachos good for you, man Some beans some guacamole Some chips because I've got I think either either is dano syndrome I don't I don't keep salt in my system So anything that salty it feels really good. It's like really helpful for me. I have to get continual Supplements of salt so the salt on the chips with the nachos and then I always I feel good Usually after eating cheese like not too much like it makes me feel heavy and slower but just the right amount of cheese the fat and the protein and it breaks down slowly in the bloodstream and so a moderate amount of cheese or just a Diet, you know filled with plenty of fat and protein not too much But a right amount like stack it correctly then it keeps my concentration levels up high and I don't experience like the Crash that comes from a carbohydrate rich rich diet Lucas says that he's physically capable of becoming salty So I just I just got off the phone with a mentor and so every week I kind of bring him like 12-step problems and challenges. So I brought him the the challenge of Living in community like giving up freedoms to get along with others And so instead of driving Mulholland drive on my own in a sports car You know, what if I have to drive it in a minivan now filled with grandparents parents spouse children Friends like obviously I'm going to drive differently in a minivan filled with eight people then I am driving a sports car on my own and Then what if I'm driving a bus? All right with a hundred people. I'm going to drive completely differently and so my natural tendency is to think of all the impingements on my freedom From taking on, you know, all these other people on my journey Like that's my default. I was like, oh, I'm gonna have to give up all these these freedoms on the other hand I Could think about everything that I get to gain from Cooperation and doing things with other people It's being a 12-step mentor. You're most fulfilling activity. Yeah, pretty close to it and Add a lot of failures and a lot of successes So I've failed with pretty much every female sponsor They almost always get their feelings hurt and quit I've failed with every friend who I've tried to sponsor that's never worked out on the other hand I've got a lot of good relationships with with male sponsors and I keep emphasizing like if what I'm saying is useful then you know use it But if what I'm saying is useful skip it so I may say something that's true But it's just not useful for you right now. I may something say something that's false or irrelevant or Incendiary or whatever just like skip it, you know, I don't do on it I don't take it too seriously just like let it go because when a sponsor shares I will often just share what's on the top of my head what comes up for me when they're speaking because Often when a when people speak what's going on is is completely underneath the words that the words they're saying I just like the the slightest barest most dim outline of what's really going on And so I often just react Emotionally or intuitively to what they're saying and then share what's on the top of my head Which may or may not be useful to them Also, I try to operate within the rubric of the 12 steps and the big bulk of alcoholics anonymous This is not Luke giving Life advice. Yeah, Claire call makes a good point the order you are the more inflexible you become but I've always been inflexible Always been inflexible Did you guys know that there are jobs out there where there are employee handbooks? Like unbelievable. Yeah, I spent most of my life Either working for myself or working for one person So I don't think I've been a corporate employee that I can remember or not certainly not for very long But like it's amazing. There are jobs out there where they have employee handbooks They're like all codes for how you should behave Do you know that there are some employers who don't want you to bring a gun to work? unbelievable Like they're even employees who don't want you to commit what violence in the workplace Wow and And there are their employers out there have social media policies whoa Just imagine just imagine having a corporate employer Who gives you a handbook and there are social media policies for how you should conduct yourself on social media? like and then there may be policies for how you conduct yourself at work, so If I just have one Client or one employer They usually aren't a whole bunch of rules. It's just that I just need to fit in with that one employer and It's usually pretty easy to to do that, but like corporate You start working for a firm And there are policies and procedures and there are manuals and You have to sign off and you have to abide you have to play by the rules You have to get along with other people see if I work for myself Or I just work for You know a sole employer and there are no other employees Or I just have one major client as a source of my income and sexual harassment is a legal category Does not exist It's sexual harassment is a legal real thing that only exists when there are other employees like when you're part of something corporate but then when you're part of something corporate there are there are speech codes and performance codes and social media codes and there are policies and procedures and manuals and rules and regulations and You have to get along with a whole bunch of other people. So if if I'm getting That's my income just from one client then I just have to think about okay How would this major client react to what I'm saying on on YouTube right now? but if I'm part of a firm or a corporation or I'm dependent on say for clients for my income then I have to take you know all four clients in a consideration and so I Have to take into consideration. How would people from different ethnic and religious? Backgrounds react to what I'm saying. How would women react to what I'm saying in addition to like how would men react to what I'm saying How would all people versus young people? How would fat people have to take fatties into consideration? Just imagine that that's how crazy life has become we now have to take the feelings of fat people into consideration Unbelievable it was this world coming to but I need to think about that. There are also all sorts of advantages When you when you join with other people. So yeah, you give up some freedom All right, whenever you you make common cause with a group of people you always give up freedom but you also get connection and I think the most stimulating Thing for my thinking is not box. It's human connection. I books are wonderful. I love books I spend hours a day reading books But human connection I think is the greatest spur to my thinking Because I get stimulated and I learn I get excited from my connection with people and To maintain those connections with people. I will always have to give up some freedoms. I Will have to expend more energy empathy now empathy is tiring All right, you got one employer right you only have to expend so much Empathy energy generally, but if you're part of a corporation or a firm You have to spend more empathy energy To take in the consideration how what you're saying and doing like maybe received by fat people But I received by people of a different sex of a different religion of a different ethnic group of a different life circumstance and Most of the time we don't know what we want. Claire Kaur is right. So Free you know just as often what I want. It's not good for me as what I want is good for me and Just as often what I don't want or turn out to be good for me as What I don't want or turn out to be bad for me Because I'm like a really bad judge or what's good for me my inclination is if everybody else I just want to say and do what I want, but that attitude does not work My natural inclination is to isolate rather than to be around other people my natural inclination is to just do things on my terms alone and I have to go against my natural inclinations to maintain and expand connections with other people to live in community to To expand expand my life by learning to get along with others of different body shapes So my natural inclinations until Yeah, most of the time it's like food what we want is not good for us That's so true. I don't understand why Luke does not read the Koran like a lawyer reading the small print of a contract and stream about yeah So Claire what I do is I wait for the moment of excited interest So whenever I pick up a book and make more progress and get more benefit from the book when I wait Till I'm excited about the book. So I may be reading a book. That's perfectly fine. But then I find I Am more excited about a different book and so I Then switch to that different book. So I try to let my intellectual interests Run to whatever I'm intrigued and compelled and excited about at the time So there may very well be a day when I'm excited to read the Koran. She died that I I started talking to someone of a Muslim background over the past year and The person is like totally a human being and like really hot too And like charming and witty and funny and like appreciates my work. I mean what wonderful taste this woman has that she appreciates My streams like she finds that I'm giving something of value and unbelievably She's a Muslim background Like I formed a personal connection With a musi What the hell is going on? I didn't think that would ever happen Like how would I have something in common with a Muslim? But I do like we get along really well. We have a similar sense of humor I never imagined I'd find a Muslim with whom I shared a sense of humor Wow Muslims can be funny Can you believe that Muslims can be funny and they can be hot and they can be attractive and they can be charming and Did you know that some of them have skills? Like they build businesses and they do science Well and like she's highly educated like I met a Muslim chick is highly educated in secular studies University elite university education Just like fantastic in every way and she's Muslim It's like unbelievable What kind of crazy world is this? I just just never thought I'd be like looking forward to talking to a Muslim I never thought I'd be like laughing at a Muslim. Oh, yeah Jewish women can be hot and funny too. Absolutely. I Mean, yeah, that's my taste like, you know, obviously I prefer You know Jewish women That's, you know, that's I'm gonna marry an Orthodox Jewish woman. Yeah, I love Jewish women I Jewish women I find tend to be smart outspoken funny You know, we share so much in common. So yeah, obviously I'm best suited and most inclined to you know Friendships and dating and relationships with Jewish women. It's just like just took me by shock and surprise when And I found that I was like having, you know, a friendship with a Muslim. I just I did not expect that Like there's so many things that I just had a prejudice against like riding the bus I used to think that like riding the bus was the most pleb Loatier, there's no activity for a white man in Los Angeles Because if I get on a bus in Los Angeles, you know, frequently I'm the only white person on the bus And so I'd like feel like a total loser. I thought oh, this isn't safe That's I was gonna defecate on my foot, you know at any time and I've ridden the bus in LA. It's not bad. It's not awful. It's either a decent or can even be an above average experience Even if I'm the only white person on the bus It's not so bad And I mean at one point in my life, I thought yeah, I'm gonna convert to Judaism, but I could never be orthodox It's just too restrictive and I just Shockingly surprisingly found myself falling in love the orthodox Judaism and falling in love Living in an orthodox Jewish community and the restrictions I could handle it They were bearable because the benefits that I got from that Me who was once on a bus in Los Angeles a terrible experience Well, I'm sure some buses are terrible experiences. I guess it depends where the bus is going so If the bus is filled with people going to work or going to school then it could be a terrific experience and If the bus is filled with homeless people who are just you know using the bus as a lavatory Not such a great experience