 Well, it depends on the ambient around you, I guess, because I also adapt a little, depending on where I am. I mean, it's totally okay to call what I do porn, because it is, it is explicit, and by definition, pornography is showing explicit sex. But then it's also more than that, obviously. Some days I feel more like, only like a filmmaker, because what I really work with is the medium film, and it takes a lot of time in my daily routine, and what I'm doing for work, because only preparing one of my films, it's weeks of work, you know, when we are talking about all the details, and it's about, you know, the location where we, where we are going to shoot this, and how we are going to decorate it, and the art design, and, you know, the wardrobe, and the makeup, and the casting process that takes time to find the right people for the right situation, and who's going to do the photography, and then what kind of photography are we looking for, and how are we going to light this, and what framing, and, you know, so it's a lot about the technical details, really, and then in the post-production, again, it's so much about how are we going to cut this together, and what music, and the graphic design, and it's really, I work a lot with the filmmaking aspects of my work. Hello, everyone. My name is Erika Lust, and I'm an erotic film director. I do what I call indie adult cinema. What was your first sexual experience? Hmm, I'm trying to, to think, and I mean, first experience must have been first feelings of attraction. I love how you champion fantasy, because fantasy really is our first sexual experience. Before we actually do anything or explore, we had our teacher, we had a crush on, we had that comic book that we read in one page that we watched, you know, looked over and over again. Fantasy, in a lot of ways, is our introduction into sexuality, and some of the people abandoned as they get older. Right, right. Storytelling, the importance of storytelling, really, and because I feel so many times that when we look at mainstream pornography, that it's just into showing sex, but it's nothing about understanding sex or how sex feels, and that's kind of what I want to show in my films, you know. I want to present to you characters that you can relate to and situations that you can relate to, but that feeling that at least you understand who are these people, why are they into each other, the chemistry that they have together, and I want to take you on this emotional sexual journey together with them. And also, I love the possibility of surprising people, of challenging people, of going outside their comfy zone, you know, like this foot fetish film, for example, that there's so many people out there thinking that feet are just kind of gross, that's nothing that I would ever get into. And then suddenly you may watch a beautiful film about feet and you go, now I see them in another way. Yes, I think that's incredible because I get emails all the time from people who are like, how do I stop feeling this way? Or how do I curb my appetite for feet into something more normal? And so to see it yesterday on a big screen in front of people who didn't necessarily click that tab to your point, but just were there to consume it to normalize it, I just felt so proud for every person who's ever sent me that DM to say, you don't have to change a thing. And that's the really cool thing that your work does, it says that you don't have to change a thing. I mean, as long as it's consenting adults and you guys are both exactly agreeing to the activities, it's a beautiful experience, you can go wherever you want to go. And that's important also to show, especially when I make films about power dynamics. It's very important to me to be clear in front of the audience that the people that are involved wants to be there. So what I used to do is having a dialogue between the performers before on the screen, so the audience can see how they agree on the terms for what is going to happen afterwards. I love that you actually yesterday, I'm going to steal your answer or ask you to re answer it. What is the difference between ethical and non ethical porn? ethical is really about how you treat other people and you want to treat other people the way you would like to be treated yourself, right? So it's about respect. And it's about, you know, giving your performers all information before a shooting so they can feel safe during that shooting so they know that they will never ever get pushed into doing something that they didn't agree on before. Because I think we have to realize that when you are in front of the camera, you are in a vulnerable situation. You have a producer or a director outside the camera asking you or kind of begging you to do more than what you had agreed on before. It's very difficult for you in that situation to say, no, that's not what I want to do. Sometimes it feels much easier just to kind of, you know, go with it. Okay, so I try and go in order here, just jumping around because I'm so fascinated by your entire life. So my entire life, you're this young person who had great sex ed, not the best home sex ed, but you still had a relatively positive sex life. But that's why I think it's so important that the schools really take care of about this because we can't just leave it to the parents because there will obviously be wonderful parents who will talk to their kids and who will, you know, have this conversation with their kids during all their childhood and young adulthood, and they will be supporting. But then there will be a lot of parents out there that don't want to talk about it, that feel, you know, scared, that don't want to get into this subject. So schools are crucial here. Take me to the story of who you how you decided to get into filmmaking to transition that into making adult films. Well, it kind of goes together. Really, I mean, it started on a personal level back at university, where I was interested in sexuality. Well, sorry, interested in sexuality as any young person growing up. I mean, it's what we are dealing with. Who are we? What do we identify with? What turns us on? What do we like? How do you do it? That's the questions we are dealing with. So I turn to porn to try to figure out more about about sex. And I had this feeling that my body did get turned on by the images that I was looking at. But at the same time, I didn't like them. So for me, it wasn't, it wasn't just wonderful moment of pleasure. It was a conflictive moment of pleasure somehow. And at first, I thought it was only me that, you know, porn didn't really work out for me. But then when I started to talk to more women and more men, I started to realize that it was a structural problem that I had so many male friends who just enjoyed porn and watched it and it was part of their life and nothing more to it. But so many female friend who felt the same way as I did. So suddenly I realized, okay, this is part of a bigger structure. And this was at the same time as I was developing, you know, my feminist beliefs. And I was studying political science and I was into analyzing and deconstructing and trying to figure out things. And I searched the internet for more information. And I found a wonderful book by a film professor called Linda Williams. The book was called Hardcore, The Frenzy of the Visible. And it really, it was analyzing pornography as a film genre. And that was the first time that I really started to, you know, to see that pornography was more than just porn, you know, that it was really this discourse about sexuality and about power structure and about gender roles and about this, you know, play between masculinity and femininity. And I realized that most of the mainstream porn is made by men. And it's all around, you know, their masculine sexuality and it's all around their pleasure. And the women are sadly kind of used to satisfy them. But it's not really our stories. It's not really our experiences that they are interested in. They see the woman as a beautiful object and as a help for their sexuality. And when I understood that for me, it was a huge like Eureka moment really where I realized that you could do this differently if you do it from another perspective, from a female perspective. And then years passed because this was just not a very, you know, like head based. I was studying. Yes, I was studying political science. And I had always loved film, but I didn't have an experience. I had never worked with the medium of film. But then I moved down to Barcelona. And I needed money, obviously. And I started to work in film production companies, as a runner, as a driver, as, you know, a coffee maker, and just basic jobs. But little by little, I advanced and I got work as a production assistant, production manager, location manager, producer. And I got to understand how it all worked, how you make film. So I also, you know, took classes, film classes. I tried to understand more about how to working with actors, more about cameras, technical details. And then I had this wonderful opportunity of making a short film. And I realized that my main interests were, you know, women's perspective and sexuality. And I combined those and I came up with a little script to a film called The Good Girl and sent it to a few festivals. It started to win awards. I showed it to people. My first film and when I look back at it today, my God, you know, if you look at the technical kind of skills, they are poor, let's say it's not the best film ever. But the film has this soul, you can really, you know, you can really feel my intentions and what I wanted to do. And the actors, how they, you know, really worked together to make it real. And the sex feels so wonderful and so authentic and so, so, so real. I didn't know what to do with the film. I put it online. I started my on my online blog. And in just a few weeks, I had two millions of downloads. Yes, the crazy number. Like, what happened? How did people find out about this film? Still today, I can't really tell you how they found out. What I can tell you is that at that point, Internet was smaller than today. Today, there's so much noise out there, it's difficult to find things. But the film kind of went viral for different reasons. So how did you possibly get the gull to say this is my first film, and I'm going to do something that at that time, maybe less than 10 women have ever done before? Well, most people that had done pornography at that time, most people were, you know, porn performers before they did know the business. But few people actually tried to put a new perspective on it. But I had watched movies, for example, by Candida Royale, who is one of the big pioneers in this movement of female directors. And I, when I first saw her movies, I was fascinated by the change of perspective, really, because it comes true. You know, you can really, really feel it. But then what I also wanted to do was something a little more modern for, you know, people more from my generation. I mean, I grew up, you know, I'm 41 today, so I'm not like, yes, today I'm 41. No, no, no, I am 41 years old. But, you know, when I start, when I started, I was, I must have been, I don't know, in my twenties, you know. And, and I have, I mean, I grow up, obviously, with a lot of modern images of all the visual with, you know, the MTV generation kind of. And I, I always felt that porn was that it wasn't so interesting visually. Yes. And that's another perspective that for me was very important to, to, to deal with, to try to do, you know, a more cinematic style to, to tell, you know, to using all these tools that cinema gives us. I think that you're one of the only porn I watch where most of the time, to your point, you're watching it, you don't really feel great about it, you're just there just because you want to get turned on quickly and get out of the situation. So you fast forward until you get to the sex part. Right. So if there's 10 minutes before, like, you keep skipping until you find it. How heartbroken would you be if you found people were doing that with yours? No, I wouldn't be heartbroken. I mean, that's okay. That's totally okay. You, you can use the films in the way that you want to. I mean, I make films that are very different. Some of them have more of a narrative. Some of them are more getting into the sex. Some are more visual, more artistic. I made over 100 short films at this point. So you are allowed as an audience to use them in any way you want. I've been in a sex ed space for 13 years now. And I feel like my biggest roadblock in my success or my progression and it has been me that I've been the one who's been like, Oh, I'm a sex counselor. No, I'm not. I'm a feminist. And I'm more general or like, Oh, yes, I'm a intimate intimacy expert. No, I'm more of like a music person. I I always felt like I was trying to step forward and step back because of the stigma and the shame that I experienced with other people and allowing them to dictate what my narrative should be. So for you, did you have a similar experience of feeling like I'm a pornographic or adult film director? No, I'm just a general director who does a feminist movement. Like, when did you really come into this space and fully own it? Or did you own it from day one? Well, it depends on the ambient around you, I guess, because I also adapt a little depending on where I am. I mean, it's totally okay to call what I do porn because it is it is explicit. And by definition, pornography is showing explicit sex. But then it's also more than that, obviously, some days, I feel more like a only like a filmmaker, because what I really work with is the medium film. And it takes a lot of time in my, you know, daily routine and, and, and what what I'm doing for work, because only preparing one of my films, it's weeks of work, you know, when we are talking about all the details, and it's about, you know, the location where we where we are going to shoot this and how we are going to decorate it and the art design and, you know, the wardrobe and the makeup and the casting process that takes time to find the right people for the right situation and who's going to do the photography and then what kind of photography are we looking for and how are we going to light this and, and what framing and, you know, so it's a lot about the technical details really. And then in the post production, again, it's so much about how are we going to cut this together and what music and the graphic design and, and it's really, I work a lot with the filmmaking aspects of my work. Do you feel a responsibility to whatever I'm in an Uber, for example, if someone asks me what I do for a living? Yes. I want to give the short answer of I create content. I sometimes I want to just say like, oh, I just make videos. But then the part of me is like, I have to say it. And I'm just like, I'm a sexual educator, talk about sex for a living. And I know it's going to open up a barrage of questions, but I'm like, for the next person who comes in this Uber and says I talk about sex for a living, at least they won't be like, I've never heard that before. Right. So do you feel a responsibility with every person that you meet to give them a bit of sex positivity? I do, I do feel a lot of responsibility, but then again, I am only a person and sometimes I'm tired. Yes. And I go like, oh, no, I've got to just go with a short version, you know, I make films. But then it's difficult to say that to people because they always have a follow up question, you know, it's even when you get into the country and they are like, what are you doing here? And you're like, I'm here on business. And they're like, what kind of business? And you're like, I make films. And they what kind of films and you go short films and they what kind of short films? Like, it's not easy. When you do say it though, what kind of reactions do you get? Well, positive one. I mean, I really I never I think I never had a negative reaction. Well, we met because I was writing an article for Playboy about my distaste or my lack of a relationship with pornography. And the article was really about why women don't watch porn. So think about porn to your point as a multi billion dollar industry for men and almost non existent for women. And there really has to be an answer to why versus not just women aren't interested. That can't just be the be all and end all of it. So why do we have this distaste? And I was mentioning that you were one of the films that I'm like, this changes the tone, this changes the feeling that I have towards it. So for women who see all that you just described, they see the sexism and the racism and the classism and they have this distaste for it. What is the answer? Is the answer to boycott that kind of pornography? Or is it to find alternatives like your own? Well, I guess both of those are good answers really. I mean, I think it's important to when you surf around the internet and you watching porn, you should boycott the porn that you don't believe in when you see values that are not respectful towards other people. Don't go there. I think what you said yesterday was so brilliant that if you're getting porn for free, you have to ask who's really paying for it. Right. And you said if someone was giving you free hamburgers, you would be like, what? You would have questions, you would feel suspicious, you probably even eat the burger. No, no, no. What is it? Who made this? Why are they serving it for free? Who is earning money out of this? And the same when it comes to the tube sites, because the tube sites are the big owners of pornography today on the internet. It's where most people watch porn and they watch it for free and just ask yourself the question. You know, how can they show that content for free because they are not making it? Okay, these are gonna be a lightning round of questions, but they may be a question took a long time to answer. Oh my god. Who is your audience? Who's my audience? Well, men and women around the world. We have around 60% men, 40% women. But then what I really see is that they are people who care. People are obviously sharing their sexual confessions. So they are participating already on on the creative level. But then they are also participating as as critics, telling me what they like or if there are things they didn't like as much. So we can become better all the time. And that is just fantastic. It's actually probably my first time seeing an adult film, an erotic film. That's our word. Right? It's my first time seeing one with someone with hair like mine. But it wasn't a theme. All right. It's not a fetishization. Yeah. Yeah, right. Just just a person. It's just a person. And that's what we are trying to do in all our films. You know, we are if we're, you know, working with a person who has a fuller body, it's not a film about her fuller body. She's just a person. You know, if there's an Asian man, it's not about him being Asian. He's just a person. Yes. What film have you not made that makes you nervous but excited? What film? Well, here at this moment, I am planning a new film because I have a shooting coming up. And it will be my first VR film, virtual reality. And I am nervous, but not maybe so much about the sex, but more about the technology that how is it really going to work? Because I am used to working with setups and cameras and cuts and, you know, the framing and the lightening and me giving directions. And here it's a whole kind of thing. It's more like a performance that I need to orchestra and rehearse and make sure that everybody really understands how the technology works. But I think it's going to be a super exciting film. It will be, you know, a group, sex, different sex encounters, surprise situation. Yes. And I want to create that feeling of sex party of you being able to kind of to go to a sex party and having a lot of things going on around you. From watching a lot of performers, what are the three or just say even two or three things that make someone great at sex and make someone not so great? Well, great at sex is someone who cares about other people who are into reading what other people wants, and who are not only like going but who are really listening. But then you also need to let go to be able to to really have a good time yourself. So it's giving and taking. That's great advice, not just for performers, but for everyday people. Yeah, who consume a lot of content. And they bring that into the bedroom and all those ideas of how I'm supposed to sound how I'm supposed to look. Yes, I loved in one of your films, it was a foot fetish one that the guy was really vocal during orgasm, because I also kind of hate that same diatribe like women make so much sound and men have got nothing to say to the experience. So getting those authentic expressions, I think in the bedroom is hard enough. I can't imagine. No, and he is fantastic really. He is. I mean, he's probably one of my favorite guys orgasm meeting. Yeah, or how do you say that, you know, because his moment, they are so intense. Yeah, I totally recommend you to watch more films with him at that moment, because he is so vocal, and he's so present. And it's so powerful, really. I want you to look into this camera. Yes, and tell them why they need to invite the erotic into their life. A lot of people who watch my channel aren't sexually active, are just kind of flirting with the idea of what sex could mean for them and how to play a role in their life. And if you were to talk to that average person and say, here's how the erotic could surprise you in a really good way, what would you tell them? Well, I think it's, it can really help you to find inspiration. And it can help you to realize that those pervert ideas that you may have, that they are not only yours, that other people do share them. And it's powerful to see that you are not alone, that we are many people out there with, with crazy, strong, interesting sexualities. And, and also, I mean, for, for a lot of men who have watched a lot of mainstream porn, watch alternative in the adult cinema and erotica. And you will see other ways of communicating with women, you know, don't believe that women always come from penetrative sex, because very few of us does actually. So you will learn more about other techniques, about other touching areas, about how to work your hands and your tongue. And you know, that is important. So for all the first time viewers right now who are just being introduced to you or who know of you, but have never gone to xconfessions.com when they go there, because they're gonna go there when they go there, what happens next? Well, they're gonna want to see more and then they're gonna want to send their confessions to us. And if you are lucky, I may pick your confession and make a film out of it. And that's a wonderful opportunity. And then also, I would love to say that if you are a filmmaker, we have a project going on called guest directors. And we are inviting people around the world to submit their ideas. And if we find them intriguing and interesting and fascinating, we have, we have a budget and we can finance and produce your film and help you with the distribution and get it out there because we really need new perspectives on sexuality and especially diverse perspective. So if you are a female filmmaker, please check out ericalust.com slash open call and you will find more information. That's it. That's all I can ask for. You are doing the work. You are doing the dick. No, and let's keep on talking about sex. Huh?