 The Kraft Foods Company presents Harold Perry as the Great Gilder Sleeve. The Great Gilder Sleeve is brought to you by the Kraft Foods Company makers of Parquet Margarine. Every day, millions of women all over America serve Parquet Margarine because it tastes so good. To market, to market, to get some Parquet. Home again, home again, try it today. You like it, you love it, like millions who say their favorite Margarine is Parquet. Parquet Margarine, P-A-R-K-A-Y, it's wonderful. The Great Gilder Sleeve is trudging manfully home from the office. Our water commissioners are a bit tired perhaps, but his pudgy face reflects the contentment of a day's work well done. A little thrill of pride surges through him as he reaches the border of his domain. He is the king and yonder lies his castle. His majesty stops and surveys his kingdom. Mustn't forget to put the cans out tonight. Troy skates again. I've got to talk to him about this. Anybody home? Oh, hello, Bertie. Even, Miss Gild, please. Have a good day. Yes, thank you, Bertie. Oh, Miss Gild, please. Yes. Don't forget, tonight's can night. Yes, I know. Any mail? Yes, I put them down in the mail. Thank you, Bertie. You won't forget about tonight. What? It's can night. All right, Bertie. Looks like they're all bills. What's this? What's what, Miss Gild, please? This letter isn't for us. It's for Mr. E. L. Hoffman. Know anybody by that name? No, sir. That's funny. Right address, but wrong name. It's from some summer resort. Lake contentment. Probably a circular. Well, anyway, it doesn't belong to us. Want me to stick it back in the mail, Bob? No, I'll take care of it, Bertie. I'll give it to the mailman in the morning. Forgot to give that letter to the mailman this morning. Well, I'll take care of it tomorrow. Must do that. That letter's still here. I must give that back tomorrow without fail. Remind me to give this letter back tomorrow, will you? It's been here for over a week. Let's be on our toes, Bertie. The great man is lingering over his last morning cup of coffee. Miss Gild, please. The mailman's here. Huh? I told him you had a letter for him. What letter? You said that I should remind him. Oh, that letter. You can give it to him, Bertie. It's on the mantel. Yes, sir. I don't see it, Miss Gild, please. What? It's not on the mantel. It was there last night, Bertie. It doesn't have legs. I don't think it got up and walked away. I suppose I'll have to find it. Did you look all over the mantel? Yes, sir. Under things? Yes, sir. Now, let's take another look. What's Leroy's catcher's mitt doing up here? Not under there. Maybe it's mixed up in these movie magazines. I looked under Clark Gable. It's not there. Never saw so much junk. That candy cane has been there since last Christmas. And what's this? Oh, my insurance policy. Bertie, we've got to keep this mantel cleared off. I tried, but it's a losing battle. Oh, that's the mailman. What shall I tell him? Tell him to hold his horses. What's the matter with him? It's that new mailman. Looks real like a crab to me. Well, you tell him we'll give him the letter tomorrow. It's here someplace. Well, he ain't gonna like it. What's he worrying about? No skin off his nose. You'll get his letter. Because sworn it was on this mantel. I'll take one more look. Might be under the clock. Nope. Here's my garage key. I wonder where that was. Well? He says he wants that letter now. What? Yes, sir. He says you're holding up the U.S. mail. Who does he think he is? That's what he said. Well, he's not gonna bully me. After all, he's a public servant. I'm a taxpayer. Why, I pay his salary. Part of it, anyway. He wouldn't have a job if it weren't for me. He'd better be careful what he says. Yes, sir. He'd better watch his step. It's time somebody told him a thing or two. It's a place. I'm not working for him. He's working for me. He better remember that. Why don't you tell him, Mr. Guilty? I will. Well? Good morning. Did you find that letter? Well, no. I'm sorry about that. I thought it was on the mantel. It was there yesterday. Can't imagine what happened to it. Hopefully sorry. Hope I haven't inconvenienced you. Well, that's all right. I'll drop by again. Well, that's very nice of you. Thanks. Not at all. Goodbye, Mr. Gillespie. Goodbye. Nice fellow, Bertie. What's the matter, Bertie? You sure told him. Good morning, Bessie. Bessie, I said good morning. Oh, good morning, Mr. Gillespie. Any calls this morning? Bessie. Oh, what'd you say? Bessie, take a letter. What? Dear Bessie, if you wish to remain in the employ of the Summerfield Department of Water, I suggest you do your daydreaming at home on your own time. Yours truly, Commissioner Throckmorton P. Gillespie. How many copies? Oh! Oh, you're joking. That's what you think. Now stop staring out of the window and let's get some work done around here. What's the report for the mayor? Where's my fountain pen? I guess it's in my pocket. What's this? What's the matter, Mr. Gildersleeve? Oh, nothing, Bessie. I just found a letter. It came to my house by mistake. Bessie, you'd better take this right down to the post office. But what about the report? The report can wait. This is important, Bessie. Can't hold up the United States mail. Go on, Bessie. Get on your motorcycle. Motorcycle? You have speech, Bessie. Here you are. Now get going. This letter looks familiar. Mr. E. L. Hoffman. You know him? I sent him a water bill last week. Why, this is it. What? I don't know how I got your address on it. Guess I made a mistake. You guess? I wondered why we hadn't heard from him. E. Gods, where did you get these envelopes? They're from some summer resort. I had a few left over. What? That's where I spent my vacation. Vacation, lake and tenement. It was a wonderful place. Bessie, for your information, this is the city water department, not a lake. Well, last week when we ran out of envelopes, you said we couldn't afford to buy any. I should use whatever I had. That's what you told me. All right, Bessie, but you didn't have to use these. Look what it says. Forget your worries. Just be gay. It's time to take a holiday. Now, how do you expect people to pay their water bills when we send them stuff like that? No wonder no collections came in this month. I try to do my best. Bessie, this is the last straw. The straw that broke the camel's back. I've tried to be patient, but this time you've made one mistake too many. You've been here a long time, Bessie, but I've got to think of the department. It's bigger than both of us. It's much... Bessie! Bessie, I didn't mean it. Yes, I lost my head. We all make mistakes. What if they don't pay their water bills? What the heck? Bessie, blow your nose. Martin, who's Martin? I met him at Lake Contantment. He won the athletic tournament. He chained himself 25 times. Yeah, one of those summer camp show-offs. Oh, no. Martin's a wonderful boy, but he's so moody. Why did we have that silly quarrel? Well, I wouldn't worry, Bessie. Martin'll come back. No, he won't. You don't know what I've been through this week, Mr. Gill to sleep. Every night I lay awake and cry. That's why I've been dozing in the office. I just know I'm gonna lose him. Plain little me. That's nonsense, Bessie. You're as attractive as any girl. Well, a lot of girls. All you need is to spruce up a little bit. Look at that dress you're wearing. Get a new one, something flashy. That's what men like. Come on, Bessie. I'll go with you and help you pick one out. It's for the good of the water department. Mr. Gill to sleep, do you think he might like one of those new long skirts? Long skirts? Don't cover him up, Bessie. Romance is like business that pays to advertise. That was an excellent dinner, Birdie. Excellent. Thank you, Mr. Gill to sleep. Give my compliments to the chef. I'll do that. You're a car dunk. You're in a good humor tonight, Uncle Moore. Well, I guess I am. Little personnel problem came up of the office today, children. And if I do say so myself, I handled it rather neatly. Matter of fact, it's rather an interesting story. When I got to the office this morning, Leroy, we don't leave the table without asking to be excused. Okay. Can I be excused? No. You're going to sit here and listen to this. You're going to learn something. Okay. Well, when I got down to the office, I found Bessie. Who do you expect to find? Leroy. I'm in a good humor, young man, but don't push me too far. Don't mind him, Uncle. I'm listening. Thank you, my dear. Well, to make a long story short, when I got to the office this morning, I got there bright and early. The morning hours are the best for working, you know. Leroy, we put our hand over our mouth when we yawn. Where are your manners? Keep going, Uncle. I'm listening. Well, when I got to the office, I found Bessie. The poor girl had been futtering around all week like a nervous canary. Then I found out what the trouble was. What do you think? She'd been having trouble with her boyfriend. Laster? Some fellow knew it. Some fellow named Martin. Well, I knew if I wanted to get the office running smoothly again, I'd have to do something. That's where the psychology came in. So I got an idea. Phone, I'll get it. Don't know why, Will. I'm expecting a call from Francie. You sit there. Both of you. Birdie will get it. Birdie! I'll get it. We don't all leap to our feet every time the phone rings. This isn't the firehouse. If you must give me telephone. All right. See you later, Uncle. You'll remain right here, both of you. Once we're going to have some after-dinner conversation in this house like civilized people. Excuse me, telephone! Coming! Hello? See you. Oh, well, how are you, Bessie? Mr. Gilda Sleeve, I just saw Martin. Martin? Well, that's wonderful. So you two got together, eh? Well, how did Martin like the new dress? Bessie! What's the matter? Martin! What? More about the great Gilda Sleeve in just a minute. As the Parquet reporter, it's my job to keep posted about the summer field folks feel about Parquet, the margarine of craft quality. So the other day I said, Marjorie, what do you think of Parquet? Oh, I think it's wonderful. I'm on the way to the store to get some now. Oh, good for you. I suppose you're going right up to the counter and say, give me a pound of Parquet, the margarine of craft quality made from carefully selected products of American firms. I'll say nothing of the kind. Well, maybe you're going to ask for it. Parquet, the margarine with a finer, fresher flavor. The margarine that's so good on rolls, pancakes, muffins, or waffles. I'd feel silly saying all that. All I want is a pound of Parquet. Well, why not ask for that rich, smooth, wholesome margarine, each pound of which contains 15,000 units of valuable vitamin A? Look, Mr. Wald, I'm going to buy Parquet, not sell it. Well, why not say I'd like a pound of delicious, flavor-fresh Parquet, a favorite spread for America's bread? How you announces do go on. I'm just going to say one pound of Parquet, please. Well, I guess that'll do the trick. After all, every day, millions of women all over America say, Parquet, please, because it tastes so good. That's Parquet margarine made by craft. P-A-R-K-A, why it's wonderful. Well, this has been another bad day for the great gilder sleeve. Bessie was too upset to come to the office so all work is at a standstill. It's evening now, and to forget his troubles, Mr. Mann is climbing the stairs to the Jolly Boys Clubhouse over Floyd Munson's barbershop. Hello, Chief. How's the watchdog of the law tonight? Can't you blame? Well, who's that under the moose head? Oh, Mr. Jolly Boys. Pee-vee! Speaking of moose heads, where's the old goat? The judge couldn't come tonight. Had a little heavy law work. Well, Commissioner, we've missed your off-key baritone. You should talk, Chief, for that foghorn base of yours. Where have you been keeping yourself? Well, I've been pretty busy. Had a lot of things to do. Why, sure, Chief, haven't you heard? The Commissioner's got a new sideline these days. What's that? Picking out dresses for young ladies. What? Well, what do you know? What are you talking about, Floyd? Don't play possum, Commissioner. You're a slick article, all right. Who'd have thought that you and Bessie would be schmoozing around? Oh! Now look here, you fellows. I'm clean, Commissioner. When did this love match start? Confounded? Where did you ever get such a silly idea like that? Well, I don't like to spread any gossip. Not much, you don't. But the Mrs. was down doing a little shopping at Hogan Brothers yesterday. Well, you could have knocked her over with a feather when she saw you and the lady's ready-to-wear department. I can explain that. That should be very interesting, Mr. Kelly, Chief. Who asked you for your opinion? Well, if you wanted to buy a dress for some young lady, you might hear a phone affair. I didn't pay for the dress. Just like in the movies. The boss and the secretary get a page for each other. You got it, Chief. Does she ever take dictations sitting on your lap, Floyd? I've had about enough of you in your poolroom mind. Don't be so touchy, Commissioner. We're proud of you. What? Yeah. Understand you took her away from a younger man. Makes us older fellas feel pretty good. How'd you do it, Commissioner? Vitamins? I've had enough of this. The whole thing is ridiculous. Just because I did a little innocent thing, tried to help somebody, this is what I get. I give you my word, fellas. All I was trying to do was dress Bessie up a little, help her win her boyfriend back. Sure. That's the truth. Hey, hey, Commissioner, Commissioner, where are you going? I'm going home. Jolly boys. Come on. We didn't mean anything, Commissioner. No, Mr. Gilderslave, I assure you there was no offense intended. You keep your two cents out of this, Bibi. Ah, come on, Commissioner. Cool off. Have a coke. How about a song? I don't feel like singing. Don't be like that, Commissioner. We're all pals. Let's gather around the old piano and give out with a little harmony. What do you say? Well, come on, Mr. Gilderslave. Let's put our arms around each other's shoulders just like two jolly boys. You old hypocrite. Floyd, how about massage in the ivory? Okay, Chief. Well, what'll it be, man? How about this one? Here's your rollicking number. Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer, truth. Hey, we haven't done this one lately. Hey, that's it. Take it. And don't sing in my ear, Pee-Pee. Face the piano. When you a sweet gal of truth and I wore a sweet, what's then there but bless me? What a blessing. No, no, no. You make life cheery when you call me cheery. It's an unexpected pleasure. I thought you were pounding the law books tonight. Gentlemen, I'm afraid I am the harbinger of bad news. What's up, Judge? My purpose in coming here is to warn one of our members of possible danger. Sort of a message to Garcia. Speak English, Horace. Well, it concerns you, Gildy. What? I'm afraid you're in for some trouble. What are you talking about? Well, I'll make it brief. A while ago, I decided to take a little constitutional. And I happened to pass your house, Gildy. And, uh... ...throat's a little dry. I wonder if I might have a coke. Later, Judge, come to the point. Well, as I was saying, Gildy, I happened to pass your house. Yes, yes. Well, I observed an extremely large young man pacing up and down. He appeared to be in a violent state, having heard about your recent peccadillas with your secretary, Gildy. I recognize the young man as your rival. What happened? Well, I realized a friend's life was in danger. I knew this young giant had to be removed from the premises by force, if necessary. This was the time for action. I studied him carefully, looking for an opening. Then what'd you do? I decided to run right down here and tell you, Gildy. Well, thank you very much, Judge. Not at all. Did he have a gun? Well, I didn't notice. Wouldn't surprise me, though. Yes, they usually do. Gee, I can just see the headlines. Love crazed youth shoots rival in the stomach. Oh! That's not funny. Well, I've done my duty. I think I've run along. Me too. Yep, might as well bust it up again. Wait a minute, fellas. What's the rush? Evening's young yet. Sorry, Commissioner. I've got a heavy day at the shop tomorrow. How about a little poker, fellas? Come on, you know I always lose. Not tonight. Well, good night. Wait a minute, Judge. What? I'll walk with you. You go past my house. It's on your way. Sorry, I'm going the other way tonight, Gildy. Good night, gentlemen. Well, don't look at me, Commissioner. I don't live out your way. Fine friends. What's the matter? Scared to go home? I didn't say that. Why don't you get the chief to us, Gautier? He's a cop. He gets paid for it. Not so fast, Floyd. I'm off duty. Besides, I don't have my badge. A fine excuse. Head of the police force. Won't even protect the life of an innocent citizen. All you care about is handing out traffic tickets. You let a dangerous criminal run around the streets, waving a gun right under your nose. Hold on, Commissioner. This fella hasn't done anything. My job is to catch criminals after they commit a crime. You just let him shoot you. Then, then watch me go into action. I'll have him behind bars before dawn. Fingerprinted and everything. A lot of good that'll do me. He's stretched out cold on the front lawn. Sorry. That's the law. Come on, Floyd. See you in the morning, Commissioner. I hope. Mr. Gautier, I believe if I can be of any service. What? Oh, well, come on, P.V., you're better than nothing. No, no, I wouldn't say that. Good night, Mr. Gautier. P.V., wait a minute. What are you going in there for? I live here. Oh. Yeah. It's dark. I didn't see the house. Well, good night, Mr. Gautier. P.V., want to stay out and talk a while? Not particularly. Well. Say it's kind of chilly. A cup of coffee would be nice. Mrs. P.V. makes wonderful coffee. Yes, she does. I think I'm going to have a cup. Well, I'm in no hurry. I could come in and have a cup with you. I'm sorry, Mr. Gautier, to sleep, but Mrs. P.V. doesn't like to have anyone see her with her hair up in curvers. I try to avoid it myself. Well. If I were you, I'd just go home and get a good night's sleep. Sleep but P.V. Good night, Mr. Gautier. P.V., be... Gone. I'm all alone. Well, I guess I better go home. Can't stay here all night. Or can I? No. Pull yourself together, yellow-sleeve. What are you afraid of? Face it like a man. What's that? Oh, a cat. Kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty. Eh, nice kitty. Am I glad to see you. Going my way? I'd rather be still in front of my house. Yes, he is. Probably hiding behind some bush, waiting to pounce on me like a hungry panther. What's that? Something behind that telephone pole. I saw it move. Wonder if that's him. I could just peek around. Get moved again. Looks awfully big. Oh. It's my shadow. How do I get into these silly things? All I did was try to make Bessie happy. I could just explain that to this young madman before he pulls the trigger. Almost there. Don't see anybody. Too dark to see anyway. Well... Why should I be afraid? Got a right to go into my own house. I'd like to see him stop me. I don't care if he did chin himself 25 times. Just let him try, that's all. You'll find out. I'm not going down without a fight. No! If I can only make the house. Put the doors unlocked. There's the porch. Darn roller skates. The door is stuck. Boy, have you seen anybody outside tonight? Sure, Bessie's boyfriend. Oh, my goodness. He's not here anymore, uncle. He said he couldn't wait. Oh, he couldn't? He said he wanted to thank you for what you did. Huh? He said he was wrong. He took another look at the old Bessie. Yeah? He said he liked the new Bessie better. What's he talking about? My boy, you're a little angel. I am? Yeah. And Leroy, there's another thing I want to say to you. What's that, uncle? Get those skates off the front steps. I almost broke my neck. Good night, Leroy. My character. Did you take those roller skates off the front steps? Sure, I did, uncle. I brought them inside. Oh, good. Leroy, I want you to listen to this. I got a letter today from the National Safety Council. It says that every year, thousands of people are injured in American homes just because of carelessness. Because things are left around for people to fall over. We don't want that to happen around here, do we? No, uncle. You run up to bed, my boy. Okay, good night, uncle. Bye. Folks, let's all be a little more careful to avoid accidents around the house. Remember, there's no place like home when it's a safe home. Well, off to bed-y-bye. Good night, folks. Great Elder Slave is played by Harold Perry. It was written by Jack Robinson and Gene Stone with music by Jack Meakin. In addition to our regular cast, you heard Arthur Q. Bryan, Ken Christie, and Gloria Holliday. This is John Wald saying good night to you and this company, makers of the famous line of craft quality food products. Listen in next Wednesday and every Wednesday for the further adventures of the Great Elder Slave. And remember, many sections of the country will be back on standard time next Wednesday. Be sure to check your local paper for our broadcast time. Ladies, when you're in a hurry and the family's hungry, here's a quick, easy way to satisfy appetites. Serve Pabstet, the delicious cheddar cheese food. Children love Pabstet's mellow cheddar flavor on crackers and toasted sandwiches. And for main dish treats, you can have a smooth golden Pabstet cheese sauce ready in a jiffy for perking up the flavor of macaroni, egg, and hot vegetable dishes. Get both delicious varieties, golden cheddar and pimento Pabstet for a variety of menu uses. Ask for P-A-B-S-T-E-T-T, Pabstet Cheese Food. This is NBC, the national broadcasting company.