 Everything worthwhile in life is one through surmounting the associated negative experience. Hey there! Today we're tackling something really important. Something that isn't talked about openly that much in spiritual circles, because it seems to go against the whole positive vibes forever mentality. We've been talking about the importance of balance over here on this channel for what seems like eons now. But the thing is, it goes both ways. And just like negative emotions or the ego, it turns out, you can have too much positivity that ends up becoming toxic to you and your surroundings, especially when you put on a smile and pretend things are all just amazing all the time, even when maybe things are a bit challenging. It sounds weird, right? How can you have too much of a thing that makes you happy or secure? Well, without meaning to, a lot of the well-intentioned blanket statements that come along with spiritual groups like, everything happens for a reason, or it's all a part of the universe's divine love plan, or the big one, you create your own reality are actually rooted in ego traps that serve to deny the shadow aspect of our reality and cover them up with a blanket of false positivity. So all together now, let's heal some collective trauma and talk about the dark side of positive vibes. First off, what exactly is toxic positivity? Aside from an oxymoron that would even make an English major blush, generally speaking, most psychologists will define it as an excessive overgeneralization of a happy, optimistic state across all situations that almost always results in the denial, minimalization, and invalidation of the authentic human emotional experience. This idea was illustrated really well in that amazing short film called In Shadow, a modern Odyssey, showing how depressed people put on these big smiling masks to try and appear happy when deep down they are deprived of essential nourishing love. We see it a lot on Instagram today, with so many people putting up this perpetual vibe that they are so happy and just living the best life ever, all the time. I think it's safe to say that almost everyone who's ever been a part of some kind of spiritual circle has experienced this at some point, and I think it mostly stems from that belief of emotional hierarchy, that certain emotions have arbitrarily assigned value and are somehow better than other emotions. In a nutshell, there seems to be this belief that if you're spiritual, you can only feel love for things, because that emotion vibrates higher, and if you're feeling angry, jealous, or upset at someone or something, you're somehow less spiritual because of it. At the risk of upsetting some hardcore new-agers, straight up though, it's just not true. Look, I'll level with you. I meditate daily, I drink jasmine tea just like Uncle Iroh, I burn incense and work on my own energy to embody love and compassion in my daily everyday life. And even then, I still get frustrated with people for being ridiculous and inconsiderate in the world. Just like anything done in excess, when positivity is used to cover up or silence our physical experience, it becomes toxic. And as any good psychologist will tell you, by ignoring the existence of certain feelings, we fall into a state of denial and repressed emotions, which over time builds up trauma and gives rise to triggers. The existence of negative emotions actually has something there for us, a hidden message, something for us to learn if only we'll pay attention to it. In the words of the amazing Samara Quintero, the truth is, humans are flawed. We get jealous, angry, resentful, and greedy. Sometimes life can flat out suck. But by pretending that we have positive vibes all day, we deny the validity of genuine human experience. One of the darker sides of this whole thing has kind of become known as spiritual gaslighting, which is a fancy way of saying regular gaslighting with sparkly spiritual words and context sprinkled on like some kind of sour sprinkle sundae. And it's probably one of the biggest ego traps ever, and problems with modern spiritual circles. And yet, no one really talks about it very much. Some of the most common phrases you'll hear going around is stuff like, no bad vibes, oh just raise your vibration to manifest, or just use the law of attraction. And while these are usually rooted in good intentions, the problem with all of these is that this mentality sometimes can shame those who are not feeling that way. Or who are unable to do this, and at a core level it causes people who are struggling to blame themselves and think everything is their fault. Another part of this is the whole student-teacher dynamic. We all have spiritual mentors in one way or another, whether they're actual people, books, guides, or ourselves. Oftentimes, I found one of the biggest obstacles people need to overcome in self-development is this belief that someone is more sensitive, or has better spiritual experiences than them. It happens in plant medicine ceremonies too, where someone will have a huge visual experience and meet entities and see geometry, while another will have an entirely internal and visionless experience and then feel lesser or upset because theirs wasn't as trippy. Everyone comes from the same source, and we're all here to have the same experience, but differently. So why compare your individual experience with someone else's? Surely it's better to have your own unique experience, right? Don't get us wrong, we can totally understand that in order to have a better experience of life, you can shift your perspective to see more positive characteristics in the experience you're having. And this is very valuable to do, especially if we're rooted or polarized in a negative aspect of life. As we've looked at with the Seven Hermetic Principles video, one of the principles is polarity, and the Hermeticists themselves explained that you can change your frequency by polarizing yourself to the energy that you want to be in. At the same time, people like Bruce Lipton are making leaps and bounds in epigenetics research, showing the power that your beliefs and attitudes can have on your body and biology. I guess all that we're saying here is that if someone gets a serious disease or something, to outright just say, well everything happens in accordance with the universe or divine plan, or that you caused it with your negativity, can be both dangerous, rude, and toxic and facilitate disconnection and awareness between each other. Regardless of what factors it was, even if the person did do it to themselves, like say smoking or drinking too much or something like that, we can be in far greater service by helping them come to that realization themselves rather than just telling it to them. To force a positive outlook on pain is to encourage a person to keep silent about their struggles, and this just isn't healthy. At the same time, this is also true for behaviors or social constructs. Given the recent protests and civil rights movements regarding BLM and systemic racism, I've noticed a few spiritual influencers try to use spirituality as a means to gaslight the protesters. Blanket statements like, oh everything happens for a reason and you create your own reality can oftentimes be used as an ego trap by people in higher positions of power in a process called spiritual bypassing, which has this mentality of exaggerated detachment, emotional repression and, my personal favorite, angophobia. It's a weird phenomena in the New Age groups that talk about positivity. They argue that fear is the root of suffering, and yet they themselves often approach anger or other negative emotions in the same light, almost as if they're afraid of them. It's actually very weird to see. Now, maybe I'm reading too much into this and stretching for connections, but the thing is, by behaving in this way, dismissing the experience of aggression and trying to slap a fake smile or positive stance on it, and saying that people somehow aren't as spiritually awakened because they're angry or upset, we are complicit in oppressing and end up repressing or denying the pain and experience of oppressed. There's no denying that when you look at our society today, we're in need of a huge consciousness shift. We live in a world where the current systems indirectly contribute to mentalities and causes that destroy people's livelihoods, contribute to systemic racism, sexism and oppression, and leave millions around the world in poverty and starving every day. We aren't exempt from action just because we have a sense of universal love or think we're not like them. If anything, we have a responsibility to help heal the trauma. See, toxic positivity is a mindset that's used because people either don't want or aren't able to face the darker aspects of themselves. It's a phenomenon that tries to cover up someone's past trauma and triggers so they don't have to deal with them, and is often used when people are afraid to hold space for emotions or things that feel challenging. It's like turning away from our pain or finding ways to dismiss it or numb it out. Think about it. As emotionally mature as you might be, most of the time we don't know how to sit with and be present with difficulty or tough emotions. Despite what we might say, people don't often know what to do with someone when they're crying. Rather than turning away from people who are in a hard space, which includes ourselves by the way, we can bring understanding and compassion to this challenging stuff. Where self-growth is concerned, let's not reinstate harmful beliefs from shame-based structures of the past. They didn't work then, and they won't work now. And so with this, how can we recognize and effectively heal toxic positivity? Well, once you understand what it is, it's fairly easy to spot. You'll have people spouting off, just get on with it, style of quotes, about how the universe has a plan while at the same time minimizing other people's experiences. People might shame or chastise others for expressing frustration or anything other than positivity, or the big one, rationalizing the cause of their circumstance as being from other people's spiritual inadequacy rather than taking responsibility for their own trauma and issues. And in case you were wondering, yes, all of these traits also apply when speaking to yourself and healing your own emotional and spiritual wounds. One of the best ways to start healing the toxic positivity mindset is to shift your awareness into a state where negative emotions are okay. Understand that it's healthy to experience pain and sadness and make room to sit with and consider those feelings before dismissing or transmuting them. And instead of making blanket statements that are rooted in this kind of mindset, simply choose your intent and words more carefully, even more so when dealing with and speaking to yourself. If you're talking to someone else, one of the best things you can do for them is actually learn to listen. Sometimes people don't want an instant answer or explanation, they just want to be heard and received, allowing space to process what they're going through. Same thing with you, actually. Instead of telling yourself good vibes only, ask yourself, what's really going on? And if this is where you're at, if you're looking to heal some past experiences and entering into your heart to have more heart-centered relationships, both with yourself and others, we just released a new course on Spirit Mysteries in collaboration with the Personal Development School, where the amazing Thais Gibson will help you to do just that. So please, from the bottom of my heart, I encourage you to come and check this out and experience the change right now. Until then, stay positive. Oh, excuse me, wait, uh, see you soon. Toodles!