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Welcome to "Making Coffee in Afghanistan"

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Published on May 16, 2011

Making coffee in the fucking field 101:
Step Fucking One: Adopt a firing position and make sure there are no fucking insurgents around. Nothing fucks up good coffee like fucking insurgents.
Step Two: Materials needed: Ration. Shitty, yes, but you can still do shit with it.
Take heater bags and heat up water with them, and make some goddamn coffee.
Coffee is the fucking lifeblood of his fucking job. STOP LOOKING AT HIM.
Now look back at him.
Step Three: Use shitty coffee issued with Beef Macaroni Chinese Style Ration OR Starbucks Via if you have people that love you. Whether Starbucks is good coffee is under debate.
Step Four: Take heater bags and open two of them...like that. Remove the first heater pack from the package, like so, and place it back in the other one. Fold the heater bag and place at the bottom, so it is cupping the bottle when the bottle is inserted.
Step Five: Open up the water bottle. OPEN! Put it on the ground and remove your boot band. Coffee is important, you asshole.
Step Six: Put water into the fucking thing like that. Close the bottle. CLOSE! Put the bottle back into the heater bag and the boot band is put around the fucking lid.
This thing will get hot quickly, so wear gloves if your pussy begins to itch.
Step Seven. Give it a fucking shake and press it up against a cool machine gun.
Step Eight: Adopt a firing position. Look for insurgents.
Step Nine: Nobody like Beef Macaroni Chinese Style. Get that shit out of there.
Step Ten: Undo the boot band and remove the water.
Step Eleven: Look for insurgents.
Step Twelve: Always remember to add the coffee before the cream. Light up a cigarette if you desire. Add coffee to water. Shout out what you are doing so your fire team partner knows the condition and ready state of the coffee.
Step Thirteen: "Mixing of the coffee!" (Yell this out loud).
Cue La Bamba.

Shoot at insurgents. Finish your coffee.

Original video by PteWhiskey can be found here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cRIriU...

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