 Hi y'all, she was seven. Okay, so I got a few video requests to do and I chose one of them because You know this this is for like married people or people have been in a relationship for a long time Okay the The request the request came from shower love. Okay, so thank you for sending me some requests and I chose this one. It's wives how to become a better receiver of your husband's love Letting in the good like okay, so What I think that means is I'm sorry my voice is just coming back What I think that means is like if you've been married a while You've been in a relationship with this person for a long time Y'all are married or y'all are in a long-term relationship and He's done some things. You've done some things and the in love feeling is not really there anymore There's some resentment. You've lived with this person. You have you seen their habits their gross things They're they're things that pet peeves that get on your nerves. You're just living with this person and now you're like, you know He's your husband y'all are married and it's like, you know You've forgiven things, but you didn't forget and now when he comes to embrace you or show you love You're kind of like oh get away from me, you know, you know, I still love you but I'm not right now and get away. It's not like the honeymoon phase anymore. It's like, oh, I love you so much You're my soul me blah blah blah blah blah. It's like did you pay the bills? Did you wash the dishes today? Did you pick up this did you do that? Or you forgot again. I can't believe you know, it's it's the real issue It's the real deal like when the honeymoon phase is over. It's it's just living with someone else and tolerating them to the point Or either you get tired of them or you're like You don't want to be touched by them anymore That's why there's a lot of sexless marriage because after the honeymoon phase is over and you get to see what you're really dealing with It's like, okay Really? And that's why sometimes a lot of wives aren't in the mood a lot of wives are just like always rude and negative Because they have to see every aspect of this person. Okay? They're slight the privacy wall is down. They're not trying to be cute or Conceal anything anymore. The cat's out the bag. Okay, you see what you really got same with men, you know So how do you embrace all of this and still allow your husband to come to you and give them love and all that kind of stuff My advice is to spend a lot of time apart Okay, and when I mean time I mean have your own hobbies have your own things to do don't always be up in his face Look let things be a mystery. Don't ask him at where he's been every time he comes to the door I don't ask him this don't ask don't know everything about him. Okay Also like For me as a wife, I would suggest separate bathrooms Separate closets. Okay, because there is no way that in this day and age a male and a female are Going to share the same bathroom space and closet space without, you know Seeing too much when I say too much. I mean the privacy is gone You know, how can you be turned on by someone who's doing this? This is the net right in your face or in the same area, you know So I suggest separate bathrooms separate closets because You know, sometimes you'll have a A pile of laundry and they're not gonna pick this up and you're just gonna get mad You're gonna be focusing on that instead of the person themselves You're focusing on their bad habits And if you just have separate bathrooms and closets have that stuff is eliminated, you know They they clean their own bathroom. You clean your own bathroom. Okay? and Like what man or what woman wants to you know? See all of that and you know, I don't so I've always make me and my husband We've only shared a bathroom like for a little while. I'm sorry. I was looking We only shared a bathroom for a little while. I tolerated it because I know how men are and So I didn't really care But I did a long time ago when we first shared a closet. I was like you gotta pick this up I can't do this. I can't do this and I was just picking everything because it was bugging me You know when I my closet was pristine perfect things I had color-coded stuff, you know, and he just threw everything everywhere had wire hangers And I had like all matching hangers. He would just throw his stuff everywhere and it would just frustrate me so bad, but After years, I say, you know, it doesn't bother me no more because I know that's what you're gonna do but Recently like we shared a closet recently And He just I never said anything. I never said anything about it. I just never said anything about it He took it upon himself To move all his clothes to a different closet Because he saw all my stuff being bunched up and piled up and I never complained I just never did he just saw that I needed more space So being the person that he is he just took all his stuff and put in a different closet because we have like Five closets. That's just empty upstairs, you know So he gave me the whole closet and I didn't I never said, you know anything but he gave it to me because he knows that we've always had separate closets and separate bathrooms and I think he just likes having his own privacy as well because I mean who wants to see, you know, a pile of dirty laundry And who wants to watch somebody, you know, go to the bathroom and stuff nobody so that's one thing I suggest the second thing I suggest is how to like how to forgive and let in love and get over the past and if you Forgive them and you're still with them and you're still there, but you're still holding on to anger and stuff Because some people will not leave their husband Even if they really don't love them anymore and this is funny a lot of women do this You know because they like the lifestyle and the comfort that the marriage brings and plus, you know They have kids with this person So it's more like a living situation at this one because let's face it y'all If every woman had money if every woman could support herself and was rich and didn't need a man I know That most of these women would not be married. Okay, so if you're in one of those Where you don't want to mess everything up Just so you can find your bliss and happiness with someone else to only repeat the same cycle Because nobody's perfect y'all. Nobody's perfect. Every man is gonna have their gross moments Every man is gonna mess up every once in a while. I mean, they might not break vows or anything But they're gonna do something that's gonna make you mad so What I suggest is if you're if you've forgiven that person and you've gotten over it Then you have to let it go you just have to let it go and if it's the resentment is still in your mind And you can't let him love you and touch you then you need to figure out a way to imagine. He is somebody else y'all You need to put the visual eyes who you really want Because you know That's just what you got to do sometimes you gotta be like, you know what I don't touch me He did this he did that Wait, let me pretend this is somebody else You know If you have to get to get you some wine Relax yourself and just go with it, you know watch Whoever you want him to be before y'all, you know get into it women are more emotional And men are more visual That's why they like to watch, you know certain types of adult films and women They just want the person that they're intimate with to be the person that they want Who they like who they're attracted to blah blah blah blah blah who makes them feel good so if you use your visual in your mind To imagine the type of person that you want to be intimate with and pretend that's him That's what man been doing for years So it's kind of like you have to take You have to think like a man like I know that's a cliche But you have to think like a man in that area of sex, you know, you think how many Husbands do you know who are married to somebody who is not attractive and you know that they have to visualize Another woman when they're having sex, you know, that happens all the time That's why men go to strip clubs come home and have sex with their girlfriend or wife That's why they watch adult movies because they're visualizing you as her So why don't y'all just do the same, you know It doesn't hurt your parent. You're not going nowhere It's too late for all of that. It's now, you know, now it's time to just And then like once you do that so many times it gets easier and easier and easier And you can just be like, you know what? I don't even care anymore. It's just like Watch the dishes, you know After you've been married so long, you know, you have to reinvent ways to do stuff And if you're not like that with your partner if you're not all like lovey-dovey or, you know Freaky or another kind of stuff and you're just conservative and boring blah blah blah Well, you have to find other stuff to do besides sex y'all You got to find hobbies. You got to get, you know, a lot of people start taking classes Going out to eat, drinking wine, you know, buying different kind of foods and learn how to cook together There's more to it than sex y'all So and sometimes it takes women years to get over, you know If she has been cheated on it takes years and she's always going to resent you and never trust you anyway never Or a second and sex will never be the same So, you know, if your man has messed up and you can't, you know, let him back in then, you know Either you're gonna have to pretend fake it You know visualize somebody else just to get it over with and do what you gotta do because A lot of women say well, I can go find my soulmate. Maybe he's not my soulmate But you thought he was your soulmate when you got married just kind of think that's your soulmate when you find him And the next person's gonna be your soulmate until you were not a soulmate because it's not about a soulmate It's about your tolerance And how you react to situations and how you Move on from situations Okay Nobody's marriage is perfect. Everybody has flaws in their marriage and in themselves So You got to do what you got to do you got to use your imagination Okay, nothing is going to fix that if your man messed up nothing is going to fix that you're going to have to fake it You're going to have to forget about it. You're going to have to Something really crazy is going to happen for you to appreciate him again. Like you're not to be near death or something. I don't know He's gonna have to win the lottery. I don't know something big is gonna have to happen Otherwise, y'all is just tolerating each other. Okay And I know people are like, oh, let's go to marriage canceling and get our spark back. Blah, blah, blah That's temporary. That's like y'all will go to marriage canceling. They'll suggest this y'all go to sex cancelling or something They'll suggest this isn't that in two weeks. Y'all are gonna be back to the same old thing. Okay So basically you just have to tolerate something If you don't have the money to leave and go live your own life on your own And y'all know I keep it real and that is the honest to god truth if you If most people were rich They wouldn't be married and we all know that The only reason they wouldn't marry is because they have everything else and now they're looking for the one thing that they don't have Which is marriage and then they have to worry about do they love me for me or my money? You know So Tolerance imagination and Um creativity will bring you through anything in a marriage. Okay Believe me. I have been married for since I've been married since 2006 Been with the same man since 2001 and believe me everybody in this marriage is messed up Okay, one time or another But we're still here And we're still going strong. So, you know, you got to be creative You can't take what society says it's supposed to be and try to fit it into a mold You got to make your own marriage. You got to be like, you know what? I don't like this I want to change my You know idea about what marriage is and you make your own rules You don't go by society. It doesn't matter. You know, if you don't want to sleep with your husband no more Don't sleep with him. You know if you want to sleep with them, but you don't know how to love him anymore Just have sex with him and don't worry about the love part, you know Men do it all the time. So And for women who are in this type of marriage, you have you're gonna start thinking more like a man Because you're gonna realize what they've been doing all this time You're gonna be like, you know, if they could do it like, you know, if they can do that Why can't I know I can feel that way too. I just have to it doesn't have to be this way I want it to be this way. We don't have to be You know And and then he'll start thinking like you when you stop giving him attention He'll be like, well, I want I want to have sex but but she wants emotion. So Maybe I should start being more nice, you know, it's it's kind of like an exchange You know, you learn each other what each other likes and doesn't like And if you can live together and tolerate each other you learn from each other. So Either way, you're gonna have to use your imagination. You're gonna have to make it work A lot of people give up like people don't try anymore. A lot of people just give up You know what? You don't make me feel the same anymore. I give up. I'm gonna go find somebody else You know, and it's just too easy to give up If you can be together with somebody Who who has almost made you commit a crime That's the people and those are the type of people who are strong and have strength and Don't give up on stuff and that's the kind of person you want to be with Okay, you don't want to be with somebody gives up easy and moves on to the next thing because they couldn't master this If you can't master yourself and a relationship that you've committed to You're not gonna be much help anywhere else, you know And your your kids are gonna see that and they're gonna be like, you know, well mama mama gave up I could do it and it's just gonna be a whole generational thing So stick with it y'all and use your imaginations. All right. Bye