 The Craft Foods Company presents the Great Guildersleeve. It's the Great Guildersleeve starring Harold Perry brought to you by The Craft Foods Company makers of Parquet, Margeron and a complete line of famous quality food products. In the modest home of The Great Guildersleeve, there occurs a phenomenon peculiar to male youth. It is marked by the gentle pattering of feet. A small voice at the kitchen door. Barley! And a delicate hint of his wishes. Barley! What's all the hurry? It's Saturday. I've found it, Leroy. Why can't you get up like this other mornings? Oh, hi, Aunt. There's nothing to do other mornings except school. Well, there's something to do this morning, leaves. Leaves? Oh, for corn sake. Aunt, do I have to rake dirty old leaves? Leaves are nature's own handiwork, my boy. They're beautiful. And Leroy? Yes? When you finish raking them, be sure you burn the darn things. Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee. Oh, good morning, Bertie. Morning, Mr. Gilsey. I had to walk clear out to the curb for the morning paper again. Oh, that's too bad, Bertie. And these confounded paper boys can't see beyond the end of their handlebars. Where is the paper? On the elbow. Oh, yes. Bertie, I think I'll have some scrambled eggs and ham with a side order of scrambled eggs and bacon. Coming up, Mr. Gilsey. Let's have a comic, Zonk. Leroy. Oh, please. Comics. You should read a paper by looking at page one first. The big news. OK, let's see page one. Please. I'm reading it. Here's the comic page. Well, let's see what's happening in the outside world. Me and Piggy will go to- Piggy and I, Leroy. Us guys were going to play football this morning. Later, Leroy. First things first, my boy. Oh, for corn shake. Let's see here. Man bites wife's dog in fit of jealous rage. Apologizes. Wonder who we apologize to. Piggy's got a brand new football uncle and all the guys are going to play this morning. Leroy, you know you have your duties around the house. You can play this afternoon. But by this afternoon, the ball won't be all dirty. Leroy, if you'll be quiet a minute, I can get the paper read. All right. I think you ought to call the paper and complain about that boy throwing our paper in the gutter. All right, Bertie. I call them three times if they don't pay no attention. I think you ought to call them, Mr. Gilseed. All right, Bertie. I will. I think you ought to call them. You being water commissioner and all. They keep hiding it in the gutter. How can anybody read the paper? Yes, Bertie. How can anybody read the paper? Now, what about my breakfast? Coming up, Mr. Gilseed. I'm not the one to be complaining, but the only way is to get my breakfast. Now, maybe a man can read the paper in his own home. Water commissioner faces possible jail sentence. Poor fellow, probably. Water commissioner. Oh, gollafellas are going to be playing football this morning. Oh, Springfield water commissioner. I didn't think it was me. Emerson Brunker, Springfield water commissioner, today faced a possible fine of $10,000 or 10 years imprisonment or both. Both. For malfeasance in office. I could rake the leaves this afternoon, honk. All right, Leroy. An audit disclosed a shortage in Brunker's department of $5.52. Hmm, probably betting on the races. Oh, tomorrow, maybe, honk. Yes, yes, Leroy. If Brunker says... Leroy! Leroy! Confound that boy, that was deliberate malfeasance. I'll have to ask Hooker what malfeasance means. Good morning, Uncle Moore. Well, good morning, Marjorie. Sit down, have some breakfast, my dear. You sleep well? Just fine, Anki. You want some ice juice, Miss Marjorie? Oh, if you please, Birdie. What's in the paper this morning, Anki? Same old thing. Trouble. Springfield water commissioner's about to get the works. That wasn't intentional, my dear. It just came to me. That I believe. Yes. Well, it's Brunker. He's the commissioner in Springfield. Accounts were short $5.52. Obviously, the man is incompetent. We're just about to read his statement here. Let's see. Anki, hold the paper up a little more, will you? Hold the paper up? What? A darling play suit. Hogan brothers are advertising. Why, George, I'm going to work where I can. I can read this paper in peace. And besides, you're too big a girl to be wearing a play suit. What a bill. That nasty old commissioner might have my water turned off. That nasty old commissioner is a regular ogre. He gobbles up little girls. I know it, especially one from Savannah, Georgia. Yeah. Well, we can't go anyplace sitting here, can we? Oh, and we can't go anywhere. We can't go anyplace sitting here, can we? Oh, and did you say you wanted to pay your water bill, Leela? Mm-hmm. And it's simply terrible that I have to go all the way to town just for that. The Summerfield Water Department has just this very day inaugurated a new service. It has? Certainly has. We now collect payments in the water commissioner's car. What? He-he-he-he. But only from our favorite customer. Oh, it's Rachma and you're sweet. Am I, Leela? You certainly are. Here, now, I have the bill and the money in this envelope, and I'll put it in the breast pocket of your coat. Oh, it tickles. There. Now, do you know where it is? Sure, it's in my breast pocket. Throckmont. What's the matter? It's right over your heart. Oh. He-he-he-he. Now, you won't forget, will you, Throckmont? Forget. They don't call me Elephant Boy for nothing, you know. Well, yes, but I thought that was because you're so fa- Oh. Well, thank you, Leela. I'll attend to your account the first thing. Oh, I'm sorry, Throckmont. I don't know whatever made me save it. Quite all right, Leela. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll- Oh, don't be mad at me, Throckmont. Let's forget it, Leela. Let's. Throckmont. Now, I wanted you to come to a little tea party this afternoon. I just happened to be stopped, that's all. Well, now, let's not talk about it any more. All right. I hope you won't be busy this afternoon. You know, some men are born with four thumbs. Throckmont, and I like stout men, really, I do. Especially handsome ones. Yeah. What time is your tea party, Leela? Oh, anytime. I thought it would be nice if I started having afternoon teas. Just intimate little affairs. Sounds like a great idea, great. I thought we'd sit around and drink tea and I'd bake cookies. Would you like that, Throckmont? I like anything you do with those dainty white hands, especially cookies. And afterwards we could sort of rest on the sofa and discuss things. Sounds cozy. Just you and the judge and I. Judge Hooker? What's he doing at our party? I invited him. Oh, why, Throckmont and Horace is your best friend. But- And besides, he said he can't stay long. Oh, well, in that case. Then I'll expect you the minute you get through work. I might even fudge a little. Oh, I hope so. Well, Throckmont, hadn't we better be on our way? On our way? Well, if I'm going to bake cookies, I have to hurry to town and pay my water bill. Well, I thought I was going to do that for you. Oh, Throckmont, whatever makes me so giddy. I'd like to think it was me. Maybe it is. Oh, you have such a fine brain, Throckmont. You never forget a thing, do you? Forget? They don't call me elephant. I never forget. Oh, you. Darn smart alley kids these days. Beat you two at that time, Gildy. Hooker, you old goat. Well, here's another space. You old goat. What's the idea of taking my parking place? I don't see your name on it any place. First come, first parked. Someday, Horus, you'll go too far. That reminds me, I have to go now. See you at Leela. Just a minute, Horus, old friend. Old friend? What do you say we ditch that tea party? What? Well, you know how these affairs are. A lot of idle chit-chat, but doesn't mean a thing. Well, I'm not too fond of tea parties, but I promise Leela. Oh, come on, Horus. I'll make some excuse to Leela for both of us. I don't know. What are you proposing the way of a substitute? Well, why don't we, and just the two of us, go up to Grass Lake and get in a little fishing? Season closes next Wednesday, you know. I don't know, Gilday. Come on, Horus. Just think, we could wear our old clothes. You wouldn't even have to change. You would, or you'd scare the fish all away. Very good, Horus, very good. What do you say, let's rent a boat and just drift while we strengthen our friendship with real man talk. Man talk? What's that? Man to man. He, God's Horus, haven't you ever talked man to man? Or has it always judged a victim? What, for instance, would you call man talk? Just what would we talk about? Anything. Politics, love, murder, anything you like. Come to think of it, Gilday. I would like to get your reaction to that story about the Springfield water commissioner getting into trouble. As your friend and attorney, I'd like to know, is there any danger of an incident like that here in Summerfield? Certainly not. Well, you know what happened, don't you? Of course I do. What? Why, according to the statement he gave the police, he was so far behind his collections, he had to juggle the books. And that's how they trapped him. How are your collections, Dr. Morton? Never better. I keep my department and Apple Pie ordered at all times. Well, there may be one or two delinquent accounts. Well, look what happened to Broncker. You'd better watch those delinquent accounts, Gilday. Turn off their water once, just once, and I guarantee they'll pay up on time thereafter. But, Judge, you can't go around turning off people's water. What if they get thirsty? You go down to the drugstore and buy a coke. How would they wash dishes? Go down to the drugstore and buy paper plates. How would they take baths? Well, they get great Caesar's little vicious gilder sleeve. You're the water commissioner, not the guardian of the public's ablutions. You have a responsibility to the state, to the people as a whole. When the time comes to be tough, you've got to be tough. No use, Horace. I'm not tough. I'm just lovable. No, that's the trouble. Don't worry about the water department, Horace. How about it now? Are we going fishing this afternoon? Well, sounds like it might be fun. Great. I'll meet you at the boat house. I've got several things to attend to, so if I'm a little late, you row on out and fish till I get there. All right. See you later, Gilday. What a sucker. By the way, old man, if I'm a little late, you fish till I get there. Huh? And we'll find out whether Hooker swallowed Gilder Sleeves' bait in just a minute. Mr. Lang, I heard you say last week that there still isn't enough parquet margarine to go around. But just yesterday, several of my friends bought parquet, and I was lucky enough to get a package, too. I can see where there's going to be a good eating at your house this week. Delicious, flavor-fresh parquet margarine for spreading on hot breakfast toast or golden brown pancakes or melting into muffins for a real flavor treat at dinner. Oh, I should say so. My family's delighted. But I wanted to ask Mr. Lang, are we soon going to get all the parquet we want? I wish I could say yes. And, of course, you will get some from time to time because we're distributing parquet margarine as fairly as we can to food dealers. However, even though Kraft continues to make all the parquet possible, there still isn't enough to meet the big demand. Spreads for bread of all kinds are among the scarcest foods in America, in the whole world, for that matter. Just remember, there are millions who prefer parquet, and though it's scarce, always look first for P-A-R-K-A-Y. Parquet margarine at your food store. And now back to the great gilder sleeve who at long last is arriving at his office. Good morning, Bessie. How's everything? Bessie? Bessie, where are you? Can't find that Bessie. I'm going to have to get rid of her. She's out of the office so much I'd get lonesome if I was here very often myself. Well, let's see what's to be done today. Have to get a new chair one of these days. Letters to be signed. More work for this job than most people think. Kind of fun signing letters, though. I wonder what Bessie has on my mind today. Dear sir, this is to inform you your water account is seven months past due. Seven months? God, what do you think we're running here? A public drinking fountain? Don't tell me all these letters are delinquent notices. Six months, eight months, three months? Well, that's better. Eight months, twelve months? That's almost a whole year. By George, it is a whole year. I've found that people, why don't they pay their bills? Certainly hate to turn off their water. Gilder Sleever, are you a man or a mouse? What's that got to do with it? You've got to be tough about these things, Gildy. You have a responsibility to the state. The people as a whole. You're derelict in your duty. Imagine me, a derelict. I am not. You are so. I am not. You are. He's arguing with myself. But I'm right. It's like I told Hooker. When the time comes to be tough, you've got to be tough. The old goat. Where's that waterworks number? Charlie, this is the commissioner. What do you think we should do about people who don't pay their water bills? It's your business, commissioner. My job is to see the mechanical equipment keeps going ten years longer and it should. Confounded? Can't you express an opinion? No, there, commissioner. Job too big for you? No, the job isn't too big for me. Then why call me to make your decisions? I'm not calling you to make my decisions. I've already made one. I want you to turn off everybody's water who haven't paid their bills for three months. Three months? Yes. I'll have Bessie make a list. You can pick it up in an hour and start right away. This afternoon? Okay, commissioner. Oh, by the way, tell Bessie not to put my name on that list. I'll bring the money when he get it. Charlie, what do you do with all your money? All my money. Listen, you fat, tight-wired with my salary. Confounded, Charlie. Can't you show a little respect? After all, I am head of the water department. Okay, waterhead. And don't call me waterhead. Water commissioner. Water commissioner. That's better. Bessie, is that you? Yes, Mr. Gilda's slave. Come in here, Bessie. Confounded. We're running an office here. Not something, Mr. Gilda's slave. You can't just go one-ring off whenever you feel like it, Bessie. Why, George, your place is here. How are we ever going to get the work caught up if we keep dashing off? Yes, sir. No, I'm going to be gone for the rest of the day. Let's see. Seems like there was something I was supposed to remember. Pay the gas bill? No, I haven't got my third notice yet. Oh, yes. Bessie, Charlie Anderson will be buying an hour to pick up a list of accounts delinquent more than three months. Yes, sir. I knew I'd remember it. What do I do for you today? PV, give me about a half a dozen cigars. Just help yourself, Mr. Gilda's slave. Thanks. PV? Yes, Mr. Gilda's slave. What would you do if you paid your water bill, PV? Well, Mr. Gilda's slave, I have till the tenth of the month. I hardly think it's necessary to start dunning me so soon. That'll be ninety-three cents. No, no. What I meant was, you aren't delinquent, are you? If you mean by delinquent, have I ever been in trouble with the police? The answer is no. That is nothing serious. Count found it, PV. I don't care if you have a private cell at Juliette. I'm talking about your water bill. I'm just having my little joke, Mr. Gilda's slave. Has there been a mistake in my statement? Mistake? How should I know? Well, I'm even doing water commissionering. Stop thinking. I want to ask you advice on something. No, I'm always glad to give advice, Mr. Gilda's slave, even if there's no profit in it. The cigars were ninety-three cents, Mr. Gilda's slave. Look, PV, I did a pretty drastic thing this morning. Too darn many people have been playing on my generous nature and let their water bills go as long as twelve months. So I'm having their water turned off. You don't change. What would you do if you were water commissioner? No, Mr. Gilda's slave, I think the first thing I'd do is sell this drug store. Look, PV, forget the drug store. Well, what a pleasant thought. And you know, if I could get elected water commissioner... PV, just forget the whole thing. Well, I thought you wanted some advice. No, you're too late. I've already acted. Well, I didn't mean to make you mad, Mr. Gilda's slave. I'm not mad. If anything, I feel gay. You see, PV, I'm expected by a certain party at a certain time. Yeah, too. At a certain place. And if things go right, there'll be just the two of us there. Yeah, too. Yeah. Well, aren't you curious? Curious? Yes, I mean, isn't there any question you'd like to ask? Well, yes, there is. About how many families would you say will be affected by your cutoff order? About 40 families, PV, why? Well, I wanted to get a line on how much extra soda water to order. You don't miss a trick, do you, PV? I can't afford to, Mr. Gilda's slave. As I was remarking to Judge Hooker just a few minutes ago before you had come in... Hooker? Was he in here? Yes, he was. He wanted to buy some oil of citronella. Uh-huh. The judge always takes citronella on a fishing trip. He draws flies, you know. Well, I have to dash off. That was 90 cents for the cigars and 3 cents for the governor, Mr. Gilda's slave. Well, put it on my bill, PV. I've got until the 10th of the month, too. Ringer, should I just knock intimately? I'll do both. Open up, Lila. Throckmorton is here. Oh, angel. Hello, sugar pie. I thought you went fishing. I did, and I caught something, too, you big fish. Why, you scheming, conniving, double cocking... Well, just wait until I tell Lila how you tried to persuade me to go fishing with you. Maybe you can try a little of your men talk on her. Hooker, if you say anything, I'll break your... Hello, Lila. Whatever, you two boys arguing about it. Well, this morning, Gilda and I had a little men talk. He suggested... Yes, a man talk. You wouldn't understand. Well, I'd like to know why not. I'd be classed rockmorton. You're getting more and more like my late husband Beauregard. I wonder if that's a compliment. He was always keeping little secrets from me. Though I'm sure it didn't bother me in the least. Milly annoyed me. Well, this matter is no secret, Lila. As I was saying... Shall we go in and make ourselves comfortable? Dibs on the easy chair. I'll sit here on the sofa. I'll sit on the sofa, too. This easy chair is comfortable. You want to try it, Horace? No, thank you. Now, as I was saying, Lila, Gilda suggested... Would you make the cookies, Lila? I promised, didn't I? Now, as I was saying... Horace, you tell Rockmorton about it while I get the cookies. And I'll get the tea ready while you boys pass the time of day. All right, Lila. We'll just chat a while. Oh, goat. You foreflusher. You old goat. Just wait until I tell Lila... Here she comes now. No, Horace, I don't think it's going to rain. Rockmorton. Yes, Lila? Are the cookies ready? Yes. That's nice. And the tea? There isn't going to be any tea. Oh, forget to buy some. Well, never mind. Horace can run down to the grocery store. Mr. Gilda's sleeve, my water has been turned off. It'll only take a half. What did you say, Lila? I said my water has been turned off, commissioner. Horace, I don't see anything funny about it. Horace told me to turn it off, Lila. Well, judge Hooker, I just wish some of my male relatives were here. Now, wait a minute, Lila. I did nothing of the kind. I merely advised the commissioner here to turn off the delinquent subscribers. I had no idea you were one of them. How have you know that I'm not? I gave Rockmorton the money this month. Mr. Gilda's sleeve. Did you pay my water bill this month? Did you pay my water bill this morning? Rockmorton, I answer me. Water bill? Rockmorton, what do I see in your breast pocket? Looks like an envelope. Snitch. It is an envelope, the one I gave you this morning. This is all your carelessness, Mr. Gilda's sleeve. Why don't we all go over to my house and have tea over there? Well, Horace might like to, but I... You may count me out, Gilda. I just remembered a previous engagement. To go fishing. Well, if Horace is going fishing, yes, I'll come over. You get the cookies spread out, Lila, while I make the tea. All right, Rockmorton. That's it. Now for some water. Oh, my goodness. I'm afraid I've got you over here under false pretenses. Aren't you sweet? We're from the Great Gilda's sleeve again very shortly. During this time when all spreads for bread are scarce, it's only natural that you should want the finest. That's true of parquet margarine, all right, because millions of homemakers keep looking for and demanding this quality spread that sells at such a reasonable price. Craft is making all the parquet margarine possible under present conditions, but we know there's not nearly enough to meet the demand. From time to time, you will be able to get parquet from your food dealer. He's getting a fair share of all the parquet margarine craft is making. And when you do buy parquet, you'll find it's the same fine quality as always, fresh and delicately sweet in flavor, rich in food energy, and with 15,000 units of vitamin A in every pound. So look first for parquet when you shop. That's P-A-R-K-A-Y, parquet margarine made by craft. When you stand like that with your mouth open and the words power in it. Lovely to, Leela. Let's go sit on the sofa. You'll be asleep in a few minutes, folks. The cast includes Walter Tetley and Lillian Randolph, who play LeRoy and Birdie. Leela Ransom is Shirley Mitchell, Judge Hooker is Earl Ross, and Dick LeGrand plays Mr. Peefy. The music is by Jack Meakin. This is John Lang speaking for the Craft Foods Company, and inviting you to be with us again next Wednesday same time and station for the further adventures of the Great Gildersleeve. Ladies, here's how to make leftovers not seem like leftovers at all. It's easy with Pabstet, the delicious cheddar cheese food. First, make a luscious golden cheese sauce with Pabstet and a little milk. Then pour this appetizing cheese sauce over leftovers of meat, fish, vegetables, or rice, and you have a brand new delicious main dish treat. Remember, nourishing Pabstet comes in two tempting varieties. Pimento Pabstet in the red package and Golden Cheddar Pabstet in the familiar round yellow package. Get Pabstet when you shop tomorrow. NBC, the national broadcasting company.