 Last week I did a harsh criticism episode on a draft by a fella called Kevin Hansen, also known as Crockett Launcher, and a day or two afterwards he contacted me on Discord to talk through his newest draft. Now I'm usually pretty busy with writing, YouTubing, and procrastinating, but eventually I spent a little time talking to him about his newest draft, and it wasn't a fan, but it had an element I thought could work in an article of its own. Ducks. After a little while of talking about it, dude went off and wrote draft. Eventually I read it, and it, well, it had some problems, but I also saw the potential in it, so I took it upon myself to basically bring it up to what I see as site standards. Now it's not a perfect article, but it's got a certain charm about it. I'm gonna go ahead and read the SCP we eventually posted now, and afterwards I have a new thing related to this that I think you might be interested in. Item number, SCP-3947, Object Class, Euclid, Threat Level, Green, Special Containment Procedures. SCP-3947-1 instances are to be kept in a bathtub house inside a large-sized high-value containment chamber at site 88. Requests for money, decorations, or bath toys are to be granted as long as the items will not result in an increased risk of a containment breach. Staff assigned to SCP-3947 are to have a good understanding of and fondness for slapstick comedy. Task Force Omega-16, that's all folks, is to be present on site at all times to prevent escape attempts. Description, SCP-3947 is a collection of five rubber duck bath toys. Each SCP-3947 instance possesses a unique design. SCP-3947 instances are sentient and capable of human-like vocalizations in exaggerated accents. SCP-3947 instances can produce objects commonly used in slapstick cartoons such as frying pans, boxing gloves, and anvils. On several occasions, SCP-3947 instances have shown the ability to temporarily alter their shape, gaining limbs or transforming into objects such as miniature boats or bombs. SCP-3947 instances are capable of using any produced items regardless of size or weight. Persons or objects subject to violence from SCP-3947 instances suffer no permanent harm. The instances themselves similarly will suffer no permanent damage from the actions of others. In both cases, the affected individuals will suffer painful but not debilitating damage, often involving stretching or large lumps that heal very quickly. SCP-3947 instance behavior is similar to that of mobster stereotypes. SCP-3947 instances often attempt to escape their chamber in order to commit acts such as theft or assault. No attempt to escape the facility itself has been attempted by SCP-3947 instances. SCP-3947 instances enjoy smoking cigarettes which is the item they most frequently manifest. SCP-3947 instances have a marked hatred of people who openly express a dislike of slapstick comedy. Instances will actively attempt to steal from and attack such individuals whilst repeatedly insulting them. Addendum 3947.1 Individual SCP-3947 instance behaviors. SCP-3947-1 acts as a leader of the SCP-3947 instances. The Dash 1 instance does not commit acts itself, instead giving commands to other SCP-3947 instances to do so. The Dash 1 instance speaks in an accent reminiscent of Godfather characters in media. The Dash 1 instance is commonly calm and suave and has open interviews or discussion. However, it is also prone to bouts of anger, typically when the other instances fail to complete a task. SCP-3947-2 acts as the strategist and negotiator for SCP-3947 instances. The Dash 2 instance has displayed much higher intelligence than the remaining instances. The Dash 2 instance rarely uses its reality-altering abilities for purposes beyond creating weapons. The Dash 2 instance will attempt to intimidate others who try to stop SCP-3947 related activities. This intimidation is carried out through threats against one's family or well-being. However, the instances have yet to fulfill SCP-3947-2's threats. The Dash 2 instance design includes a fedora and pinstripe suit. SCP-3947-3 directly attacks individuals interfering with SCP-3947 activities. SCP-3947-3 speaks in simple sentences and seems to lack a basic understanding of math and science. It is noticeably larger than the rest of the SCP-3947 instances being approximately 1.3 times the size of a typical rubber duck. SCP-3947-3's design includes a leather jacket and pompadour. SCP-3947-4 is the only instance of SCP-3947 with a female appearance. The Dash 4 instance is capable of disabling Foundation security systems. Its behavior appears relaxed, except when the instance is stealing objects under the Dash 1 instance's direction. The Dash 4 instance speaks in a Russian accent. Its design includes a baklava and a blue dress. SCP-3947-5 will cause havoc separately from the other SCP-3947 instances, whilst those instances carry out SCP-3947-1's orders. This is generally accomplished through the application of explosives. The Dash 5 instance's personality appears incredibly unstable, with the instance laughing or screaming at various times. Its design includes blast armor. Addendum 3947.2, SCP-3947-1 interview. Interviewed, SCP-3947-1 interviewer Dr. Carver, Ford. On 5-7-2009, SCP-3947-1 agreed to a private interview with Dr. Carver, SCP-3947's head researcher. Begin log, Dr. Carver. Before begin, I'd like to thank you for granting this interview. SCP-3947-1 It's not too much of a problem. I'm not the busiest guy in the world, so we could chat for however long you'd like. Dr. Carver. Excellent. On to the matter at hand. Why do you and the rest of the SCP-3947 instances feel in need of a crime? SCP-3947-1 We commit crimes for the same reason you researchers research. We're criminals. Ain't too complicated, if you ask me. Dr. Carver. No, I mean, what are your motives for committing crimes? SCP-3947-1 I don't know. It's fun, I guess. It's just always been the thing we do. Dr. Carver. No motive to speak of at all, not even greed. SCP-3947-1 Oh Christ, more of this mumbo jumbo. You know, back in the day, stuff was simple. Us villains didn't need no stinking motives or whatever. We did it because we were the bad guys. And not everyone has a complex backstory. You want to blab on and on about how we were created by something or other, or just accept that some things exist for the simple pleasure of it. Dr. Carver. I think you've made your point clear. Guards, please escort SCP-3947-1 back to itself. The guards begin escorting SCP-3947-1. Get him, boys! Two bowling balls fall from the ceiling, knocking the guards unconscious. SCP-3947-5 SCP-3947-5 Dr. Carver. Into his radio. SCP-3947's breach content. SCP-3947-3 strikes Dr. Carver with a frying pan. SCP-3947-3 Take that, nerd man. SCP-3947-2 Quit screwing around, you dalt. We gotta try and find where the stash is. SCP-3947-4 Yes, we must go before no guards come. Perhaps we will find vodka this time. In log. SCP-3947 are never to be allowed out of their cells under any circumstances following this incident. So anyway, this whole writing process had me thinking. How many of my other viewers would love to get their article up on the SCP Wiki? I bet that's more than a few giving the focus to this channel is on writing advice, so I finally pulled the trigger on something I'd been meaning to do for a while, and set up a Patreon. Now that I'm over 1200 subscriptions, it feels like the right time. I have various tiers set up that should cater to individual needs. I mean, one just gets you my full attention for a review of your draft every month, and another signs me on as a co-author to ensure your article will survive on the site. Of course, all the tiers include access to a private Discord server you can use to talk to me, or other fans. Also, a new subscriber goal for the channel. I'm halfway to 2500, and I've been trying to think of something to do for my 1000 subscriber special, but I realize the more and more I think about it, the more and more I'm just putting it off because I can't think of anything adequate, so I'm going to say thank you very much. And then I'm going to set a subscriber goal for 2500. I'm halfway there now. When I hit it, I'm going to spend 12 hours reading as many SCPs as I can. I mean, God have mercy on my soul. Originally I was going to do the first 100, but then I realized I could get that for like a whole 24 hours, and I, while I think maybe I could probably handle that, I don't know that I want to. Anyway, that's it. Hope to see you on the Patreon. There's going to be a link down in the description. And if you're new here, go ahead and subscribe and follow me on Twitter at D. Samarian. Thanks for watching.