 To be monogamous with a chain or polygynous with full chest Another drama at the grave site a morning wife had defensive children a known or unknown other woman Children that bear a photocopy like resemblance to the man laid to rest factions in the extended family Tension uncertainty I could go on painting the scenario But at one time or the other we have all heard stories like this that touch Bringing us to my advocacy isn't it time to be practical Marriage has been defined as the union of a man and a woman for companion and procreation However today the definition has changed globally with different viewpoints and institution a partnership and as a responsibility Marriage is going through a lot of bashing with the main bone of contention being whether a man can be monogamous Is he polygynous by nature or made monogamous by man? Which is in more natural state with the prevailing rate of men in monogamous? Marriages with at least one other woman in his life this advocacy is not talking about philandry men But men who deliberately keep a second or even a third woman in a similar state of matrimony Without the document and have children with these women and on the day he dies all hell breaks loose The family is the bedrock of any society and currently it is facing so many challenges That cannot be all addressed in this advocacy on this side of the divide we need to make up our minds What we accept as marriage we have three types of unions in Nigeria civil unions Islamic and traditional marriages civil union is based on the adopted legal framework of the British of one woman one man Which the church subscribes to as standard while the country retain traditional marriages, which is our culture in most cases You have the man marrying both or more women using different methods secretly without a clear understanding of what we want to recognize and practice We're going to keep having unfortunate situations fractured families in heritance fights and battles and unnecessary bad blood a couple of men have stayed true to who they are and Have been clear that they are polygynous and have lived their lives and conducted their affairs So thereby mitigating drama The surprises have come when the man has Confirmed to societal norms not a problem But men who find themselves in this dilemma need to make arrangements while still alive to mitigate the pain and potential Damage that could occur after their demise if not for the women involved for the sake of the children Women have an innate need to be recognized along with her children But as long as the prevailing practice is to bury our heads in the sand on this one There will always be rancor unless the man settles provides for her while he's still alive or reduces his wishes into a will But then he better have a strong loyal lawyer willing to do his bidding even in death Either way the evil that men do I think I was about 24 and I'm not going to mention his name. It was the last born of his family He was completely pampered. He was loved and all that his father died And lo and behold on that day realize that suddenly I'm not the last one again. He was frightened He was shocked. He was upset. Everything came upon him and he kept saying oh So while everybody was devastated and scrambling and trying to figure out how when we Yeah, I don't look at the last one. So I think I think the major issue there is the dishonesty of it True everybody's veins and but the second wife knows about it But the third wife as the case might be but I think it's the first one. Yeah, that's the oblivious everything Who somewhere in our mind has Reverved that husband and father. Oh, he was a good man. He loved me provided for me then upon his death Realize that But it was a good man I think there's there's always been a problem and that's the problem of Culture Okay, the society For systems down our throat nature and we don't Well, the world the world is we don't own those things. We don't decide to Be be me. So if I agree polygamy is the way for me. Why don't I just Which is how much I'm a polygamist. I'm thinking what will people say what would this person say? And that is shaping The things I do. So so we need to have a case where more people I Do anything with with a conviction so Many people are going to monogamous marriages or even getting married at all without a conviction But yeah, it's the next thing you are your your man. You're going close to 30. You have a job You have this next thing is to Get married I you know I interesting that we're having this kind of conversation today because in the last few weeks Or should I say months recently I've said questioning the fact that where did the narrative of monogamy come from bless you That's my you know that question had said come in and I said I said ask and I mean most of my adult life I had pretty much stayed on all the idea or the knowledge of being monogamous like Like money you said that because of what? Society had said now, please don't get me run. I'm not saying I want to be polygamist But then I asked myself something really and truly what exactly is the problem with it What is the issue with it because there are situations where I found it very saddening that? First only for men who am I to the first wise and therefore whatever reasons not because I want to be philandering Eventually do meet somebody or someone and then they actually have a better relationship with the next second or third wife A lot of women I've had women who literally wants to spec, you know stone me and I'm saying that Really it might be time for us to look at what exactly is it that we want to be what does culture say and even for religion Especially the Christian religion. I told something that the British method of the you are the one who have adopted What has the the book that we follow what has he really said about it? I said and the part about reference to one man one man clearly stated was about if you're holding a Position within the institution of a church, but in the prayer times for them. We've seen men who had numerous wives a lot of other people outside all called today come combines and I'm like this story is a this narrative is a very Dyson I really I think but I do not think I have a problem with comfort advocacy comfort. You said When he decides I think now and here in the 21st century We should remember we should remove the fact that it can be a he in this situation truly. I think it's both genders Okay, so for me my advocacy was coming from what we already have we haven't even finished Which is a man and I love the way any so you distilled what the advocacy is really about and that is please let's be practical Men and for me are not built to be monogamous We women have more of that because once she settles with a man and all you know, she's she guides her She secures her position her children brings everybody up, you know keeps whatever the man is meant to What do you call it propagates? He's a lineage. I think they'll if we're more honest and I don't think it's culture. That's our problem Our culture wants to marry more women our men want to marry more men It's the adoption of strange laws that we have come and put and twisted religion into it for me that is causing the problem What is our culture now is not is not necessarily our original culture. There are so many things that we do as Nigerians Okay, that's Too many Look at even when we marry you one person who want to go to church Cards have traditional wedding go to court. That's true. It's it's not coming from what has become our new culture I don't know what could last quite For me, you know, whenever I look at the situation of marriage and you know people's perspectives Um, I would like to say I can be solo one on one side. I don't mean I'm not in reference to myself I mean I mean men can be solo one on one side And of course they are men that would just want to stay one woman and not want anything else and Like we've mentioned the importation of culture funny, um The people that brought us to culture, you know When they were being taught religion by the original people that had it And then they went to do crusades back to collect the holy land from those people don't have monogamous situations so It's somewhere along the crusades the mentality of adoption of a culture forcefully put by europe Like we wonder why One church is in Rome. So kule nice one. I think you've ended it very well So now onto politics with kule As he's giving us the 10 commandments of what a political aspirant should live by don't go anywhere