 So we'll just go ahead and... So we'll just go ahead and... Yeah. Yeah, except for then we'll be... Again, except if you know... Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No. Yeah, except for... Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, it's here. Let's all please join in a few moments of centering silence seated as we sing our in-gathering hymn, pardon me, number 389 and the words appear in your order of service. Welcome to the first Unitarian Society of Madison. This is a community where curious seekers gather to explore spiritual, ethical, and social issues in and accepting and nurturing environment. Unitarian Universalism supports the freedom of conscience of each individual as together we seek to be a force for good in the world. My name is Karen Rose Gredler and on behalf of the entire congregation I would like to extend a special welcome to any visitors who may be with us this morning. We are a welcoming congregation so whomever you are and wherever you happen to be on your life's journey we celebrate your presence among us. Newcomers are encouraged to stay well as well as anybody else who would like to. Newcomers and others are welcome to stay for our fellowship hour after the service and to visit our library which is directly across the hall from the center doors of this auditorium. Please bring your beverages and your questions. Members of our staff and lay ministry will be on hand to welcome you. You may also look for persons holding teal colored stoneware coffee mugs. These are FUS members knowledgeable about our faith community who would welcome visiting with you and answering questions. Experience guides are generally available to give building tours after each service. We do have someone signed up to do that this morning so if you'd like to learn more about this sustainably designed addition or our national landmark meeting house please meet John near the big glass windows in the front of the auditorium your left side after the service. We welcome children to stay for the duration of the service although because it's difficult for some in attendance to hear in this lively acoustical environment our child Haven back in that corner and the commons outside the auditorium are excellent places to retire if your little person needs to talk run around sing dance or generally have more fun than she would have in here. No offense Kelly. The service can still be seen and heard from those areas. Also this would be a good time to turn off all devices that might cause a disturbance in other words noisemakers like cell phone ringers please do that. Excuse me I'd now like to acknowledge those individuals who are helping our services run smoothly. David Brails is on sound. Our lay minister is Tom Boykoff. Our greeter is Dorit Bergen. Our ushers are Gail Bliss and Bob Alt and Paula Alt. Back making coffee for us are Biss Nitschke and Nancy Koss. And as I said John Powell will be our tour guide. I'd also like you to note that today's gorgeous flowers were sponsored by Linda McCarthy in memory of her dear Patricia Leonardi in honor of what would have been their 27th anniversary on February 23rd and we still miss Patricia very much all the time here. And now we have a special announcement from some folks from our youth group. Yes youth group is hosting a personal care items drive for a briar patch youth services the weekends of March 4th and 5th and March 11th and 12th. Briar patch provides services to the area's runaway and homeless youth. It is estimated that every night 300 youth go to bed homeless in Dane County. The following items are currently needed deodorant feminine hygiene products foot powder chapstick and lip balm packs of Kleenex and hand sanitizer. Wow. In addition in addition the following new clothing items are requested. Men's and women's socks plain black or white t-shirts winter gloves hats and thermals men's and women's underwear size medium through extra large gift cards to Walgreens and Target are also appreciated. You can look for collection box for these wonderful items as you enter the building and for questions please contact Linda McAfee and you can find her email address at the back of your bulletin interact with your youth today. Thank you all so much. That's a wonderful cause. Again welcome. We hope today's service will stimulate your mind. Touch your heart and stir your spirit as we gather this day. May a spirit of compassion enter our hearts and be with us in the hard hours. May we find the courage to be kind. May a spirit of unity help us enter into the pain of our neighbors. Giving us the strength to walk where they walk that we might speak a gentle word along the way. May a spirit of love enlarge our sympathies toward all. May we be generous of heart that we might forgive and be forgiven. May a spirit of thanksgiving lead us toward gratitude for hands that serve for those who give and for those who receive. Spirit of life may we walk together this life's journey and in treading the path as one may we be made strong. Spirit of the universe help us to face the mysteries of this life and bless us this holy day. And if you will rise now embody your spirit to join in the affirmation for our chalice lighting. We gather this hour as people of faith with joys and sorrows gifts and needs. We light this beacon of hope sign of our quest for truth and meaning in celebration of the life we share together. And before we join together in song if you'll take a moment to turn and greet your neighbor. Please be seated. If you woke this morning with a sorrow so heavy that you need the help of this community to carry it. Or if you woke with a joy so great it simply must be shared. Now is that time. The sharing of joys and sorrows is our time in the spirit of acceptance and support. To share with one another some special event or circumstance that has affected your life or the life of a loved one in recent days or weeks. As you share please remember that our listeners are not limited to the people around you in this room as our services are broadcast on the internet. So for the next few minutes anyone who wishes is invited to step to the front of the auditorium light a candle using the microphone that Tom our lay minister has briefly share with us your message. You may also come forward to wordlessly light a candle. And if you're unable to come forward for any reason raise your hand Tom will bring the microphone to you. And I now open our time for the sharing of our sorrows and our joys. We're excited to say our friends anti-clear and anti-cury have welcomed two new children into their house they're fostering and hoping to adopt them soon. I have a joy that today's later I'm going to my best friend's birthday party. My name is Anne and I have a sorrow which is that my dear friend David has pancreatic cancer and doesn't have very long to live and I ask for your prayers and thoughts for him today and in the coming days. Oh well I have a joy about six weeks ago Wednesday I had some unexpected emergency surgery and all went well but the real joy of those weeks the days in the hospital and the recovery was a sense of the interconnectedness of everyone and not only the interconnectedness of all of us but my minor suffering related to the suffering in the world both deep spiritual experiences for me and in addition to that just being held whether alone or with people in love and so I'm delighted to be back I hate to say you know it was an honor to have this experience but in a way it was and I appreciate all the love and support that I've had over these weeks. Hi I'm Matt and my son Carl has a joy he wants to pass along. My joy is that I'm buying fish. Yep we got an aquarium and we're gonna get a fish in a week or two. Hi I have a sorrow I have a good friend's little boy his name is Tyler and he was in a three-wheeler accident and he could use some good thoughts. Hi my name is Marilyn and I shared a few months ago for some of you who were here that I couldn't find my joy because we had moved from Seattle and I wasn't quite sure what happened we got here it was a tough year but anyhow I found my joy and and I've mostly done that because I've met a lot of you and and I I shared that day that we didn't have many friends after we moved here and that was very difficult it was difficult to leave our friends but I went on the ski trip and I joined the Centering Prayer Group and I've met all kinds of neighbors and today my biggest joy is that I brought my friend and one of my neighbors Karen this morning with me so I actually brought a friend with me today. This is Asher and we moved here three months ago and he has a best friend forever and she came to visit yesterday and Asher wanted to share with you how excited he was that they're still friends even though they didn't see each other. I have a sorrow that our neighbor's husband has died. I feel like that's one last candle for all the joys and all the sorrows that are too tender to share and live in the fullness of our hearts. And now as we rise in body or spirit for our next hymn in the teal hymnal our children and teachers may leave for classes. Please be seated. First reading an ancient tale. Kisa Gautama was a beautiful young woman who worked in a booth selling flowers. A young man arrived one day and fell in love with her at first sight. They later married and had a son. The day slipped by very fast as she watched her little son grow and learn. Almost before she knew it he could run and he could talk. She loved him more than anyone else in the world. She loved him when he was obedient and when he was stubborn. She loved him when he laughed and when he cried. But one day the little boy suddenly became very sick. Even though his parents did everything they knew how to do. The little boy did not get well. Kisa Gautama could not believe her little boy had died. She thought his sickness had only put him to sleep. There must be some kind of medicine that would wake him up. So she wrapped the little body in a sheet and lifted him in her arms and carried him to her neighbor's door. Please my friend she begged give me some medicine that will cure my child. My good woman I cannot give you anything but I know a man who can help. Go to Buddha he said encouragingly he can always help. So Kisa Gautama hurried to the home of Buddha she stood before the great man and said I am told that you help people in trouble. Please give me something that will cure my child. Buddha looked tenderly at the anxious mother he knew the child was gone. He said to her my good woman you must help me find this medicine. Go and bring me a handful of mustard seed. Surely I can easily find that she said. Remember this said the Buddha. The mustard seed must be taken from a house where no one has ever known grief or loss or it will be of no use. Believing that she could find the mustard seed in some home that did not know loss Kisa Gautama thanked the Buddha and went back home. She gently laid her child's body on his little bed and she went out alone to find the handful of mustard seed. First she went hopefully to her neighbor have you a handful of mustard seed. Buddha says it will cure my child. Certainly I have mustard seed I will gladly give you a handful and more. Thank you so much but before I take the seed I need to ask you a question. Has anyone ever died here in your house? Oh Kisa my dear have you forgotten. Our dear grandfather died here just a little more than a year ago. Then your mustard seed cannot cure my child and hopefully she went to another house and from door to door to every house in the village asking for this handful of mustard seed. When she asked the question has anyone ever died in this house? One said our oldest son died here 10 years ago but we still miss him. Another said both my grandparents died here. Another my husband many years ago at every door it was the same. Someone would say good woman why remind us of our sorrow. How can you expect to find a house where no one has died? Don't you know that the living are few but the dead are many. At last tired and discouraged aware now of the universality of our sorrows Kisa Gautama returned home to bury her son with great sadness and immense love and our second this poem from Nancy Schaefer. Once he said an odd thing forgiving begins with someone sitting near. Later he said it isn't for the one who did the hurting it's the other one that needs it. One day without warning he wept. I sat close. He told an old hurt in half sentences and single words like stones he was coming upon new like tree limbs broken which he needed both arms for hauling aside. A half dozen times that summer we sat he weeping hauling out stones gathering limbs I near. The stones got smaller his sentences longer. He said it's the crying part I couldn't do by myself and later he said I feel cleaned out. A tired smile. Still later he said I think I've done it. Made a kind of peace he meant he slapped his palm hard against mine laughed and slapped his palm again. Thank you Linda and the chime choir. I've always thought of chime choirs as being kind of a magical thing. Right. I just I'm not quite sure how it all comes together. So I think you all are magical this morning. Twenty years ago when I was beginning ministry a colleague said you know after all these years memorial services have become my favorite part more than weddings I just love memorials. At that time I did not understand what he meant. What would cause this person who had been in the ministry over 40 years to choose moments of grief and loss over moments of great joy as his all time favorite. Twenty years later I remember the moment when I was preparing a memorial service and I thought oh now I get it. Yes weddings are glorious. They are moments of life and love and joy and memorials are as well. They are celebrations of all a person has brought to this life. I have looked around during memorials to see tears streaming down the faces of those gathered even as they are laughing at a hilarious story and I have been struck by the full realization that the life we are so terribly sad to see and this precious life is an incredible joyful gift that we will never lose. We are privileged to honor them in their wholeness and to walk the journey of grief with those who loved them. Now what I have found on this journey is that there can be great discomfort and distress when we discover that someone is grieving. Grief is not a welcome guest at most doors. Grief is the companion of love to be sure as Khalil Gibran wrote when you are sorrowful look again in your heart and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. Sorrow comes where love abides. This is true but sorrow is a hard companion. In her book companion through the darkness Stephanie Erickson says grief is a tidal wave that overtakes you, smashes you up into its darkness where you tumble and crash against unidentifiable surfaces only to be thrown out on an unknown beach bruised reshaped. Others say it is like a vast and lonely plane or a constant ever present ache. However you describe it it is not easy to speak of or to share. Stephanie Erickson later went on to say grief shoves away friends, scares away others and rewrites your address book for you. Grieving is a normal and healthy part of life and at times it can last a lifetime. We may want to push these painful emotions away because we believe or we may be receiving the message that we really ought to be over this by now. Have you ever noticed how we give artificial time limits to grief? It was your spouse you get one year, your child maybe two, an elderly parent how old were they their 90s were they ill oh how's about six months. Many many times people have called to come in and talk because they are concerned about the power of their grief. They'll say things like it's been a year why am I not better why does this pain linger why am I suddenly shocked when I see something that reminds me of them and it all comes flooding back even after all this time. No one at work understands my friends think I'm losing my mind I really ought to be past this by now in a wonderful book called the little Paris bookshop author Nina George gives us the gift of what she calls the hurting time. This excerpt is from the voice of Jean Perdue who is the owner of a floating book barge and he writes this letter to a friend about his own 20 year grief. My friend Sammy left me with one final scrap of wisdom she gave me a hug as I sat there staring at the sea and counting the colors and whispered very quietly to me do you know that there's a halfway world between each ending and each new beginning it's called the hurting time it's a bog it's where your dreams and worries and forgotten plans gather your steps are heavier during that time don't underestimate the transition between fair well and new departure give yourself the time you need some thresholds are too wide to be taken in one stride truly we were each made for joy and woe and our emotions are not foreign invaders that come storming across the calm waters of our inner seas they are precious gifts of our nature they give us the capacity to connect they are essential to who we are as human beings and whether they are the joyous ones or the painful ones they must be recognized and honored and welcomed in for what happens when they are ignored I found wisdom on that very question from one of my favorite places a children's book now since we shared our joys and sorrows today with the children which is wonderful we do it when they're here to teach them that all of our emotions are welcomed and honored I thought I would share this with all of you instead it is called there's no such thing as a dragon and because the pictures are so good I had to show you those two Billy Bixby was rather surprised when he woke up one morning and found a dragon in his room it was a small dragon about the size of a kitten the dragon wagged its tail happily when Billy patted its head Billy went downstairs to tell his mother there's no such thing as a dragon said Billy's mother and she said it like she meant it Billy went back to his room and began to dress the dragon came close and wagged its tail but Billy didn't pat it if there's no such thing as something it's silly to pat it on the head Billy washed his face in his hands and he went down to breakfast the dragon went along it was bigger now almost the size of a dog Billy sat down at the table the dragon sat down on the table this sort of thing was not usually permitted but there wasn't much Billy's mother could do about it she'd already said there was no such thing as a dragon and if there is no such thing you can't tell it to get down off the table mother made some pancakes for Billy but the dragon ate them all mother made some more but the dragon ate those two mother kept making pancakes until she ran out of batter Billy only got one of them but he said that was all he really wanted anyway Billy went upstairs to brush his teeth mother started clearing the table the dragon who was quite as big as mother by this time made himself comfortable on the hall rug and went to sleep by the time Billy came back downstairs the dragon had grown so much he filled the hall Billy had to go around by way of the living room to get to where his mother was I didn't know dragons grew so fast said Billy there's no such thing as a dragon mother said firmly cleaning the downstairs took mother all morning what with the dragon in the way and having to climb in and out of windows to get from room to room by noon the dragon filled the house its head hung out the front door its tail hung out the back and there wasn't a room in the house that didn't have some part of a dragon in it when the dragon awoke from his nap he was hungry a bakery truck went by and the smell of fresh bread was more than the dragon could resist the dragon ran down the street after the bakery truck the house went along of course like the shell on a snail the mailman was just coming up the path with some mail for the bixby's when their house rushed past him and headed down the street he chased the bixby's house for a few blocks but he couldn't catch it when mixture bixby came home for lunch the first thing he noticed was that the house was gone luckily one of the neighbors was able to tell him which way it went mr. bixby got in his car and went looking for the house he studied all the houses as he drove along finally he saw one that looked familiar billy and mrs. bixby were waving from an upstairs window mr. bixby climbed over the dragon's head onto the porch roof and through the upstairs window how did this happen mr. bixby asked it was the dragon said billy there is no such thing mother started to say there is a dragon billy insisted a very big dragon and billy patted the dragon on the head the dragon wagged its tail happily then even faster than it had grown the dragon started getting smaller soon it was kitten sized again i don't mind dragons this size said mother why did it have to grow so big i'm not sure said billy i think it just wanted to be noticed i know i love that story thank you for indulging me our emotions like that dragon just want to be noticed when we ignore them or try to say that they don't exist they only grow larger and larger until they seem to be taking over our lives or carrying us away with them yet when we are able to notice them to stop and say oh this is sadness this is anger this is grief then we can see them for what they truly are and then they become what they are and we can learn how to work and live with them it is easier to embrace what we would like to call the positive emotions joy love and gratitude the Dalai Lama wrote a wonderful work with Daniel Goldman called destructive emotions and i really thought when i picked it up that it was going to be the tell all of how to get rid of these negative emotions once and for all i was wrong the Dalai Lama said that the path away from inner warfare is not to think of our emotions as positive or negative but to open to all of them what makes our negative emotions become destructive is our own refusal to give them their proper place in our hearts or to think of it as roomy says this being human is a guest house every morning a new arrival a joy a depression a meanness some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor welcome and entertain them all what i wonder about is how we can become a community that can hold all of it how do we become a community where it is not only safe to bring our celebrations but also a place where it is safe to fall apart because it feels to me that we come to community when things are going well that we share our happiness or our contentment but then we do that falling apart peace in silence and loneliness i believe community and this community especially needs to be together through thick and through thin in the valleys and on the mountaintops a place to go to when we are in the valley and a place safe enough to cry out for help maybe we need a sign right above the front door maybe it would say bring your vulnerability and your hurts bring your struggles and your losses make no apologies for your grief join us when things are fantastic and when things have gotten really bad for together we can lighten the load or perhaps a much more poetic way to say all of that is we just hang this poem by Naomi Shahib Nye called shoulders a man crosses the street in the rain stepping gently looking two times north and south because his son is asleep on his shoulder no karma splash him no car drive too near to his shadow this man carries the world's most sensitive cargo but he's not marked nowhere does his jacket say fragile handle with care his ear fills up with breathing he hears the hum of a boy's dream deep inside him we're not going to be able to live in this world if we're not willing to do what he's doing with one another the road will only be wide the rain will never stop falling so maybe we can learn how to affirm to one another that we need not suffer in silence maybe we can do what he's doing with each other that here we're in it for the long haul we're together for a lifetime loving and supporting one another with no artificial time limits applied we are here for the joy and we are here for the morning forming circles of love and support and saying to each other this is not the end of the world it is the end of one world with many other worlds possible we will mourn the ending of one world with you even as we anticipate the joyous worlds to come here you need not suffer alone here our grief is supported and shared loved right along with our joys for there is healing and redemption in our togetherness to do this work to create a community of healing and redemption we need to do our own grief work it's part of the process of creating meaning in life as the catholic theologian henry now and said when we become aware that we do not have to escape our pain but that we can mobilize it into a common search for life those very pains are transformed from expressions of despair into signs of hope for ourselves and each other when we walk through our own valleys we can then find the fullness of life the preciousness of this moment of every moment no matter what we are feeling we can see it as a chance to connect a chance to give comfort a chance to accept the great gift of compassion we can become a midwife for someone else's grief helping them to give birth to their sorrow and helping them to live because sometimes it's the crying part we can't do alone and then we can live into those wise words of howard thurman i share with you the agony of your grief the anguish of your heart finds echo in my own i know i cannot enter all you feel nor bear with you the burden of your pain i can but offer what my love does give the strength of caring the warmth of one who seeks to understand the silent storm swept barrenness of so great a loss this i do in quiet ways that on your lonely path you may not walk alone when it comes to the losses in our lives there are times when there is no getting over it we go through it and we are changed by it grief is more about transformation than transcendence it is doing the work of finding meaning in the absence of an explanation it is finding healing when we will never find a why we must remember that we need not we cannot do this work alone sorrow comes where love abides love is grief's advanced party forest church knowing he was dying wrote these words my heart has been broken again and again and again and for that i am overwhelmingly thankful without love all this all the beauty all the pain without love this would never have been possible may we be brave enough to make it so and i now invite you into the giving and the receiving of today's offering you'll see it is an outreach offering to be shared with planned parenthood of wisconsin you can find out more about them in your order of service and we thank you for your generosity this year i'm honored to be one of the three co-chairs for the annual campaign for 2017 i'd like to tell you a bit about first unit why first unitarian society is such of such importance to my family and why we continue to be active pledgers and partners in this organization my wife connie and i did a bit of shopping for a church back in the mid 80s after we moved back to the madison area i was raised in a methodist church connie was raised in a congregational society in fort ackinson both of us are from fort ackinson we came back to madison we visited several churches methodist ucc and a few others and one sunday we both walked out of a service and almost simultaneously said to each other i'm really tired of being told how bad we've been all week so the hunt was on michael schuler was new to the society about that time and after a few sunday visits hearing his interesting and thought-provoking talks we didn't feel the need to search anymore our young daughters grew up in the society and the religious education program we also grew up as our social consciousness and awareness of the need for the voice this society projects continued to evolve i have a little side note that i came up with last night after hearing the youth members talk about their donation drive my daughter katie was very active in the unit the youth group met justin woodward they are married and we have a grandson ross woodward and us we are all part of what i call now an extended three generation unitarian family so over the past 30 years we've been very active in a variety of levels within the society teaching our e-classes i was honored to teach the coming of age group for two years i've been on committees connie's been very active as well and just being here some years more than others and in our near retirement years we're both committed to the purpose the outreach the warmth the discussions and the soul of this society there's going to be a table outside about the campaign that you can stop by if you have questions or pledge forms available you'll be getting a packet in the mail soon that i encourage you all to look at and fill out promptly it helps our accounting department here when i was asked to be co-chair my response was an immediate yes and as this campaign moves forward i encourage all of you to consider the reasons you are here today thank you thank you to the three generation beam woodward clan there and the i was waiting for him to say people's exhibit a would you if you will rise now embody your spirit for our closing him number 1002 so may we know the hope that is not just for someday but for this day here now in this moment that opens to us hope not made of wishes but of substance hope made of sinew and muscle and bone hope that has breath and a beating heart hope that will not keep quiet and be polite hope that knows how to holler when it's called for hope that knows how to sing when there seems little cause hope that raises us up through the sorrows hope found in the arms and hands and eyes of those around us hope found not someday but this day every day again and again and again blessed be go in peace and please be seated for the postlude