 We've got Steve Maeda, five time 21 convention speaker. That's a lot of times. I think that's the record, except for Anthony. Steve is the founder of The Sexual Life, blogger, podcaster, seduction coach at The Sexual Life. Good friend of mine, awesome dude. He's gonna lay you guys down with some amazing knowledge and let's bring him up. What's up man? What's happening? All right. So man, this is the last speech. Thank you guys for staying because the 21 convention is like so much of my life. You have no idea. I started speaking to this convention in 2008 and I started in the seduction community in 2006 and my life has transformed in ways that are truly amazing. And what I wanna talk to you guys about tonight, there's mainly two main things that I want to kind of pound in if that was the proper words used for it. Number one is that seduction can make you, it gives you the opportunity to live the best possible life. And the second thing is seduction is organic. I'm gonna write those things down here in a second. But I also wanted to talk about my journey in seduction a little bit and what it meant through the convention. What I love about the convention is because there's a running history of me and who I am and what I put out there and all that sort of stuff. And if you watch, I mean I don't even watch all my speeches, but if you watch my 2008 speech to now or even 2011, you see this evolution of how this has influenced me. And you have no idea how much this convention has taught me so many things. From Anthony Johnson to the guy behind the scenes, Mike Gutino and everybody else who's been a part of it. Every person that's attended and talked with me or shook my hand, all that sort of stuff has influenced me in so many ways to not only have the best social life, the best sexual life, but build the best friendships, be the healthiest person and have the best my mindset has ever been. And hopefully by the end of this speech, you can truly see that seduction can be the gateway for you living your best possible life. And that seduction is truly an organic thing. So what I want you to do is I'm gonna write this down or I'm gonna write a few things down on here. And what I want you to do right now is on your piece of paper, I want you to write down one question. You may know me, you may not know me that can do with anything. It can do with seduction, it can do with life. It can do with whatever you're wondering now. And I wanna engage you guys on that question and bring it back to some of the core beliefs I have. If you're watching this at home, you can do this. You can email me at Steve, that's my name, at thesexuallife.com. And I want you guys to also know that you can email me there as well. And I'm probably gonna do a lot of writing. So bear with me here. I'm gonna be turning pages, it'll be crazy. Number one, remember that one principle that I really wanna hammer in is seduction. Oh, how should I write this? Goes to your best self. I was gonna write ideal man, but I don't wanna steal the 21 conventions thing. And then also the second thing is seduction is organic. All right, so what I wanna do here is have that microphone ready and really interact with you guys. The best way that I interact with people, the best way that I deliver what's truly in my head, what's truly in my heart and how these things have influenced me is to interact with you guys. And the reason why I wanted you guys to write something down is because whenever I ask for questions, you're like, ah, and then it takes a while to get people going. So who wants to start first? How about we just hand it right next to Bachel. So what question did you write down? I didn't write a question down yet. You're a son of a bitch. But okay, so what's up, man? You've known me actually for a long time and what's on your mind with all this stuff? You've been traveling the world, all that fun stuff. Let's see here. I can ask you a question. Well, okay, I've been involved with this stuff for some time. We've learned a lot. I'm at a point in my life where I'm pretty satisfied with the women I'm getting. Pretty satisfied with my lifestyle overall. Right? What is, what else is out there, I guess? So what's the next thing I could look forward to as far as personal growth is involved? Sure, sure. And there's a couple of things. Now number one is, I also have a podcast that you guys should all listen to. If you go to thesexuallife.com slash blog, it's the shit. And to be honest, I don't have a lot of seduction guys on there. There are a few people on there, but it's really promoting a message that your life can be broad and have a lot of travelers. And all of my former clients that I work with and stay in contact with, we hardly ever talk about women. What we talk about is actually, shit that's in this convention, what we're doing for our health, what we're doing for our diet, what we're doing for business, what we're doing for our mentality. And I think what's so important for me, what I learned, and I really wanna bring it back to these things, is if you're going to have the best social life, sexual life, lifestyle, you have to be your best possible self. If you're going to be the best expression of yourself, this is actually something Keith Norris taught me, one of the speakers here is the best, the best, the superlative, whatever, the best personal trainer that I've ever known. And man, my brother went through the Olympic trials and shit, I know a lot of athletes. But he told me, if you're gonna be the best expression of yourself, you have to be in shape. If you're going to be the best expression of yourself, you have to be somebody that is living an organic lifestyle, that's living in what I call a sexual lifestyle, and you're willing to put yourself out there in the world. Now, one of the things about humanity is, humanity is an organic thing. We're not a machine. We have components that we can repeat and stuff that might be patterns and all those sort of things. But what makes the world move, what makes, God man, what makes seduction the biggest teacher of my life is that it happens in an instant. In any human emotion that we feel that's moving, that you feel when you're traveling, that you feel when you're experiencing another culture, that you feel when you eat the best food or make one of the biggest accomplishments, that could be, well, that could be sexual, that could be sadness, that could be fear, that could be true happiness, all those things, that could even be violence. Those things happen in an instant. Those things are organic. Those things can't be replaced. And for me, what seduction has taught me is that it's taught me that if you're not humble, you will be humiliated. And what I mean by that is a pickup artist. I wanted to screw a bunch of chicks. I wanted to have sex. I wanted to have multiple long-term relationships. The term SNL was coined by my group in Dallas. It didn't even exist. It was called The Fool's Mate, and we perfected it, man. I went through two years, 2007, 2008, and had a lot of interactions with women. But I also had the worst sex of my life and also faced the biggest demons of my life that will still carry out through this day. And what I mean by that is that when you're messing with something divine, when you're messing with something powerful and you're not respecting it, when you're not humble, you will be humiliated. And I think the next phase of life for people is to truly experience those things. Your lifestyle, how you live, your mentality, and what gets rooted through that is one of the most important things that you can have. And you don't need to have a lot of women to have that. You don't need to have tons of lays. You don't need to go and perform in front of chicks. What you need to do is be able to share an intimate moment, a spiritual experience, in my opinion, and I don't mean that in a religious way, but what I mean is that when you're talking to one person and you're truly being yourself, especially in its rawest moment where seduction taught me where you're naked and completely vulnerable with a woman, that you're open to the world. And if you're hiding from anything, if you're angry about anything, and I'm not saying that anger's bad. I'm not saying that shame is even bad because when you empower those things, you really realize who you are. An ultimate expression, human expression, that organic thing is beautiful. Now, when you're experiencing on that level, whether it's travel or going to school or working in your job in whatever ways, if you can truly be who you are and be in that moment, and I'm sure as we answer more questions and whatnot, that'll make more sense, being yourself in that moment, whether it's with a woman or you're doing exercise or any of those things, it's impossible to be unauthentic. And if you are, it's gonna confront you in a multitude of ways. So, I don't know, man. You're on a pretty bad-ass path. I gotta say that just from talking to you and knowing you and seeing the change that's happened. But mentality is a big thing, and I think that's gonna come out as we continue to talk and dialogue throughout this. Wanna just go in order? I'm up for it. Whoever else wants to ask another question? I think I'm still in the sort of, the first phase is going through to the seduction. That's cool. So, what's up? My question would be, what number one advice would you give someone who's coming into this fairly new, trying to learn the process and, yeah, basically? Hold on to that mic, hold on to that mic, because my number one advice is, I think if you're not being sexual, you're wasting time. If you're being social, then you guys can all go back and watch the amazing Good Friend of Mine, teacher, whatever he wants to call himself, Jason Savage of Speech 21 Convention in Sweden. There's a difference between being sexual and being social. You use social behavior to get sexual, but they're two very different things. They're very different. Like what makes sex work, what makes women turned on, what makes you turned on, has socialization as a catalyst. That's like saying waking up teaches you seduction. So, as Jason taught me a long time ago, after his speech, he came back and met with me in Austin. He said, man, if you are not getting sexual by any means possible, get sexual. That is the most important thing. However, people are like, well, so what do I do? I can't just press a button and make sex happen. And a lot of other guys that I talk to or whatever will say different processes for that, but the reason why I wanted you to hold on to the mic is I wanna know what, where are you at, man? What's happening? What's your social sexual life like right now? I'm trying a bit of day game and that's it really. Just trying to have different things really. I think I'm trying to find my own kind of style if that sort of makes sense. So when we first learn things, we have to realize that our overall ideas that seduction's organic. We can compartmentalize it and all that sort of stuff, but our feelings of true sensuality, our feelings of connecting with somebody, whether that's emotional or it's just raw, raw sexual behavior, it's an organic thing. It actually has nothing to do with our production mentality. So our production mentality is to do as much work as possible. Our production mentality is to go in a system, is to achieve the most, it's to get to a goal, whereas seduction isn't that. It's this pathless path, is crazy and far out as that may sound. We need to realize that that's our bigger picture that we're going for. So that's like way up here, right? But as we're learning that, what's the best way to learn stuff? Mimicry, routine, you know, some sort of structure put together that we can follow. However, when we start getting results in that, here's where it starts to be a problem, okay? When we start getting results in that and we don't evolve and we stay the same and we limit ourself by that structure, then it becomes impossible for seduction to reach our best self. For instance, okay, so you like day game, day game's cool, great. If I start getting results in a day game environment and seeing my window for like yeah, I'm gonna kick ass, I'm gonna have awesome chicks, I'm finally gonna get this thing in my life handled, you immediately limit it by that. Or if you only put it in terms of pickup, because socialization, seduction, life, you know, your dreams, ambitions, what you're capable in a human experience is way out here, you know? No, that's definitely right, because as soon as I've been going back to my, I think I was saying to the guys earlier, as soon as I'm going back to my kind of like, my interests and what I used to do, maybe say like a couple years ago, like for example, going back to the gym, you know, getting into more traveling, for example, you know, I'm building up those experiences and automatically the interactions are getting a lot better. So you're absolutely right, yeah. And that's a good thing, but the next thing you can do is learn how to assert yourself in a better way. Now there's plenty of information, here I'll tell you this right now, as you evolve, you gotta realize that there isn't like a compartmentalization of game, all right? Now don't get me wrong, there's like day game, there's night game, there's club game, there's dance floor game, there's, you know, all this sort of stuff, but ultimately it falls under this umbrella of that you're gonna communicate with somebody else. And we have to look at that grand expansion of seduction's a large and giant thing. But I would say the number one thing, or the number two thing, just behind getting sexual as quick as possible, is you've got to learn how to assert yourself. The only reasons why, and we have a lot of questions so I can't, I'll get as specific as I can. The only reason why somebody rejects you, man, there's three reasons, right? Number one, you didn't assert yourself properly. That means you didn't have the right technique or you didn't have the right approach or you fucked up, you got nervous, you just ran out of things to say, it's all those things, right? Number one thing, number two, is you guys weren't qualified to talk to each other. That means that you guys, you know, you weren't right for her, she wasn't right for you, whatever, maybe you thought she was the shit, but she rejected you, and it sucks, you know? If I think I can control sex or seduction, then man, believe me, I've tried. Believe me, I've tried, I've done a lot of stuff too. And God, I think I gave it a valiant effort, but I find it's much happier when I'm going with the flow of things. And then that third reason is the situation wasn't there. You know, maybe there was some chaos happening in her life or chaos happening in the surroundings and all those things, but what's so important is you've got to learn to assert who you are, all right? There's nothing like, like if I said, man, what is your passion? And you told me and I said, dude, we have to talk. We would then naturally start building a bond. If I can assert who I am, what I want, if I can get somebody attracted to my sexuality, you know, this is what motivates me. If I can get somebody attracted to my vulnerabilities, my emotion, and they can actually see that, I don't need to worry about the structures of game. You know why? Because it's organic. I'm not a fucking machine, man, you know? And the more I make it that, the more I depend too much on a system, I'm gonna get off track. Cool? Thank you very much. Yeah, you got it, man. Do you have any good organic sex tips? Yeah, yeah, what do you want? What the fuck do you want? Tell me, tell me. What specifically? You're not on camera, man, they just hear your voice. Vaginal orgasm? Vaginal orgasm. This is interesting. So I'm actually friends with these people and you know, with this group called One Taste, right? And you know, we're totally, I'm just friends with these people, but if anybody has the opportunity to see these people speak, they should because they are articulating things very well, but they're all about the female orgasm. And what you gotta learn is pickup is about dominance, it's about power, it's about control, it's about all these things. And I'll tell you this, man, all pickup techniques are badass. They can all work in some way, you know? It's just our mentality behind them. But when we realize that pleasing a woman will get us the best sex of our life, that doesn't mean being subservient, that doesn't mean being a bitch, that doesn't mean whatever, but it means that you don't put your PUA condom jumpsuit on to fuck a chick, you be yourself when you fuck a chick and you're motivated by her sex and sexuality to please her, to give her an experience and dude, she will love your goddamn dick. So how do you do that? How do you do that? Number one thing is, I mean, what are your situations? Like what, do you want techniques on how to please a woman or what? There's so many different ones. Every woman's different. But number one thing I'd say is explore her vagina. See it is that unique, beautiful thing. Thank you. That's it? Oh, I guess somebody else is gonna have to pick up the slack on that one. I can go off. Right, so we've learned a lot of stuff over the weekend. We've had a lot of speakers and that sort of thing. Obviously, we're not gonna put all of it into practice. We're gonna throw some of it aside. But how do you recommend trying to get the key points and put it into life in general rather than its specific parts about the speeches? Okay, so key points towards what exactly again? Right, because obviously it's been very broad but each subject's been specific. Yeah. So how could we? Well, okay, so I'd say this. Apply it to life in general rather than- Cool. I'd say this, you know, and I can't speak on behalf of all the speakers because everybody has their individual approach and they're all great. I mean, anybody who's speaking here is quality. But you want verbal, you want lifestyle. In fact, I'll do this, all right? So there's a style of learning which I really, really love, right? Which is huge. And this will probably repeat itself. ID is one of them. That's identity. That's yourself. That's who you are as a person. Then there's, we'll say your venues. There's venues, there's situations, there's the types of women, all that sort of stuff. And then there's technique. Okay, technique could be bait, that could be teasing, that could be escalation, that could be getting into rapport, that could be qualification. All right, now what happens here is I would say one of the, and this kind of parlays into what you were asking too, is you gotta start here. Anybody who works with me does an inventory on themselves. They do an inventory which is deep. And you'll be like, what the fuck is this? Everybody who works with me at the end of that road, and you can go on my podcast and listen to it because I've interviewed a ton of my former clients and they all improve in their life with not only their sex lives, their business lives, their personal lives, and I don't necessarily specifically coach them on that. It all kind of unfolds because seduction changes you in that way. We go in this direction, and then we feed back here. Normal pickup starts with technique. It says, this is how you tease. If you're in a nightclub, this is what you do. It says that if you want these types of hot chicks, you act in this sort of way. You master these techniques, and then we're gonna take you and show you into a different venue. That venue then defines your identity. So for instance, pickup can be taught in nightclubs, can be taught in daytime or whatever. So we start learning how to tease, open, interact, gain value, whatever it is in these ways. Then we start meeting specific women that are filtered towards that because of that, and we start to then shape our identity into that, and then we become something which is not ourselves. But when we start out with who we are, what we believe in, we realize, like for instance, I know I'm attracted to a woman's sexuality, her passions, her ideals, and her viewpoints on men and women. I know that. I know that. Where am I gonna find these women? Well, I'm gonna find them in passive settings where I can have a conversation. I don't need a ton of women. I need one woman. I like validation just as much as anybody, but I don't need that much. I need one woman. And then my techniques are inspired. So what are my techniques? Let's go with them. All techniques are good. So let's go baiting. Let's go teasing. Baiting and teasing would be quintessential techniques of push-pull. So all of that is like, I talk to somebody, say, oh, whatever, man. I can't talk to you, not open-minded. Geez, really? Fuck, okay, well let me really ask you. What does that mean to you? You know, actually, if I said, if you were a woman, or if I said what being a woman meant to you, like, would you be able to tell me? So I'm trying to get on these topics, right? So that my techniques feed my identity. Really quickly, what's something that you really value? I value martial arts. Okay, but with women, what are you attracted to? Oh, with women. Or what's attractive about you that you want them to notice? In a woman, like a sense of value about herself? Sense of self-value, okay, so we're talking about this, man. We want that to filter in where we're meeting people. Like, we want that to filter in to what we're doing socially. So if you're going to a place where you're not gonna find people who are known to have a sense of value about yourself, you're really wasting time. You're defining yourself by a technique, right? And when you're not being yourself and you're filtering through this, and then that makes your identity, it turns into self-hate. But we look in those venues, whatever it might be. It could be yoga studios, it could be empowerment conferences, it could be in nightclubs, it could be in cafes. But all of my dialogue, like for instance, qualification, getting into rapport, whatever opening could all have to do with that. It needs to get on that thread. Like, you know, you could ask a girl, like if I were to go into what rapport cycling is, which people have seen multiple times, I'm just gonna ask an opening question. I'm gonna ground, share my perspective, and then I'm gonna challenge, and then I'm gonna define. And I can cycle this all throughout, and I'll get like, I can get like, kind of anything out of anybody within three or four cycles. But I could say, I could literally open, and say, hey, no, this is a weird question, I don't know you, so you'll probably give me a good answer, but like, what is it that you value? She's not gonna be able to tell me, because nobody is gonna be able to share that intimately with you right from the start. But then you can ground, which is share your perspective, and stay, sit there and say like, hey, look. You know, what I value is being better for myself, I value martial arts, I value it because it disciplines my mind, and all these reasons. But you know what I like, is when I can exchange with somebody on that level. And I guess a better question, here's the challenge, rather than ask you, what is the value? Like, how do you live your life that reflects your beliefs? Now, she may or may not answer that question, because it's still deep. But either way, guess what? Your identity is the most important thing here. Your technique is a slave to your identity, to the types of women that you want, and then feeds back, feeds back into it. Kinda makes sense, yeah? Oh, just kinda, huh? Does it really make sense? Hey, we gotta move on, because we're running out of time. They only give me 55 minutes, yeah. Plenty of time. Hi. Yes, sir? I've been thinking like recently, when you get to like a good stage of pickup, you know, you've met a lot of beautiful women, you know, you've dated them, seduced them, and you know, I've got to a stage where I find myself like, walking down the street, and I'll use the excuse that I've met a more beautiful woman than that one to not go over and speak to her. Have you ever been in that kind of position? What, why do you need to approach somebody? Like, see, this is the thing, is like, if you're defining yourself by pickup alone, you have to approach, right? So, if I say this, whoops. So, I say self-expression, I turn it into that. So, let's say like, opening, anyway, I'm putting myself out there as a form of self-expression. Now, guess what happens? I have some experience with women, man. I've dated really hot women. And you know what? I'll tell you this. I value connection, I value sex with somebody, I value intimacy, and I've had that with hot women, but I've also had the complete negation of those things with the most attractive women that I've had relationships with, or even if they're just quick, fly-by-night relationships. And what happens is when I express myself, especially if I need attention, if I'm chasing something, I wanna validate something, guess what happens to that self-expression? Through experience of interacting with women, I achieve this. Self-exploration. That means I explore who I am, man. When I'm interacting with this beautiful thing called seduction and this beautiful thing called life, fuck, I change as a freaking human being, man. It's beautiful, you know? But I learn about what I'm insecure about, what makes me angry, what makes me jealous, what makes me sad, all that sort of stuff. And through self-exploration, then I can find this other thing, self-acceptance. Now, you might be thinking, geez, this is way too internal, guess what, man? If you are living this sort of lifestyle with women and having sex on these levels and interacting on these levels, you're gonna come to some shit which you didn't know was there and you're gonna have to look at it and internalize it and learn to accept it and guess what happens. And this is actually interesting, man. One of my good friends, in fact, one of the coolest guys that I talked to, he actually said this. He said, man, and I'll tell you who it is afterwards, he says, look, if you have the skill set to fuck a chick in a night and bang a bunch of bitches and do whatever, and he's like, I've done it, man. I've been the best in the world. And, but if you don't learn how to get what you like, get a life that you love to get a real life, then it's pointless. You are on the same field as that person who can't approach a woman. Like, why have you done it? In fact, you're worse because you haven't grown. You haven't let this thing influence you. That guy's name is Eric Vonsito, aka Hypnotica, and definitely an awesome dude. And one of the guys that I really like, look up to about a bunch of stuff. When I was coming up with this process, I always felt bad that people wouldn't get what I mean by that. But dude, going up and approaching women, she's hot. What the fuck, my partner, Janelle, who I work with who is, if you ever get a chance to work with us live, I mean, she'll change your fucking life. But she's like, hot chick, what does that mean? You know, what does that mean? If you are only looking at a woman for her physical traits, don't get me wrong, you should, you absolutely should, man. Follow your urges, follow your sexual urges. But if you're only looking at those things, then you're not looking at yourself. You're disrespecting the potential of what you could have with any woman. You're disrespecting the potential of what you really value. I'm actually, I'm not coming down on you in any way. I'm just saying, open your mind to the possibilities of so much more. So don't beat yourself up if you don't approach a girl. Like shit, man, beat yourself up if you let a beautiful opportunity slip through your hands, but you gotta know how to cultivate those opportunities. I think the best ways to connect are sexually and emotionally. And sexually can happen very quick and it can happen very raw. And I would say learn some techniques towards that and or learn some techniques to build bridges with people emotionally. And those are the things that stick, man. You know, routine, entertainment, all that stuff. That almost conflicts with emotion and sex. You know, we can't be in that state of being. It gets entertainment, it gets attention, but I would focus on what it is you really want, what validates you, what makes you feel like you're the best possible man you can be. What makes me feel that I have like an amazing sense of sexuality, an amazing like window of what women are noticing. You know, I gotta put that stuff out there. I gotta assert myself in that way. Awesome, thank you. Yeah, cool? Yes. Cool, all right. Hi, oftentimes I use alcohol as an anchoring game. How do you overcome that? Well, I stopped drinking. You know, I'll tell you this, dude. This is a funny story. So most of you, it's so funny because I'm like at a date. When I started in pickup, I didn't drink, right? And so I was pretty good. I was like pretty tenacious. And the two guys that I would go out with who are somewhat legendary is Captain Jack and still to this day, man, I've never seen anybody do what he did. In fact, I'm in contact with it. Like we're talking about a bunch of stuff. But like, I mean, he would go up to a girl, passively talk to her for 15 minutes and he would leave her there. I mean, it was so clean. It was like, it was so unreal, it was unreal. And then there was Sin, who was this really aggressive, you know, do this, this, this, this, that you get laid. And he still kind of promotes that message. But they were like, man, you don't drink. And I'm like, dude, when I drink, I'm crazy. Then I started to drink and then I went like nuts. I could open better. I could be crazier, do more brazen things, but I couldn't get that level of intimacy as well. Now I'm not saying you can't. Some people totally can. But for me, it like conflicted with that. The thing is is that we had this competition way back when, like in 2007, who would be the best pickup artist in the world and I fucking won that motherfucker. But you know what? It was like the most miserable time of my life. Like we had a lay competition, all that sort of stuff. And it was like highly publicized. And that's kind of how I like became known about stuff. But man, it's a tough thing. You're the person who's gonna have to decide where or when that stops. But I think the window to that, again, when you're going through that triangle, it's like, look at your identity, man. What do you like? One of the best questions anybody can ask themselves is what am I attracted to? What am I attracted to physically? What am I attracted to emotionally? What am I attracted to morally? It's important shit. Then what's attractive about me? What do I want a girl to notice? And get there as quick as possible. And the quickest way verbally to do that is ask that question. Your questions you ask will get you on the topics that you want. One of the simplest things was I was a pretty passionate guy and all this sort of art stuff. I knew that if I just said, hey, what are you passionate about? She could not answer, but then I could talk about my passions. If I know what I want her to be attracted to and I know what I'm attracted to about her, that's the direction that I'm going to go. Using my identity to manifest the technique. Thank you. You got it, man. All right. Why do we have to learn pickup or seduction because our parents didn't have to? Why do we have to learn it? Because why? Our parents didn't have to learn this kind of stuff. I'm sorry. And suddenly our parents, like my father or- Oh, your parents? Parents, yeah. Maybe they did. Maybe they did. Maybe I reincarnated and trained your father. No, but dude, you don't have to. Here's the thing. Like, remember what I was saying is seduction is organic. Like, you need to go back to that. You have to realize that everything you need to be a sexual person, to be like the sexual fantasy that you have is already in you, right? It's already, it just needs to be woken up. And when you wake things up, nobody likes to, everybody's pretty grumpy when they get woken up. But everything that is sexual is already in you, man. It's already a part of you. What you need to do is you need to learn how to show that. And this is why I truly believe that you've got to communicate with yourself. You've got to learn how to do that. And when you can do that, it's fucking great. But I'll also say this, is that the things that I wanted, that when I started out on this, what I really wanted and what I sought out for on that journey, the answers to the two that I got from it were completely different from what I started with. I never thought I'd be talking to you about like, you know, life and how like this beautiful sense of like, whether I'm adventuring or sitting at home is an amazing experience that I all found through finding myself in seduction. It's your call, where you want to take it. Anybody? He's like, no, no, no. Hi, my name's Antoine. Nice to meet you. My question is a bit of a two-part. Because how can I get comfortable with being sexual and get my identity out there because I'm a bit of an introvert person. So I need a lot of time to get just with the other person and have a conversation. Okay, so let's talk about sexuality. What does that mean to people? Because this is a real question, man. Like I almost answering questions on technique is great, but it gets in the way of the overall thing. And the real thing is, how do I get sexual, right? And hold on to that microphone. But what is happening now? For example, yesterday, I saw a good-looking girl passing by, so I pulled her in. I know what to do with the techniques we got taught. Here's where the good stuff's gonna happen. And we may take it all up here, man. So there's something that I call six-point escalation, right? And when I'm talking about seduction, when I'm talking about socializing, I'm not saying I'm a master of it, right? Anybody who says they're a master of it has a complete misinterpretation of what those things are. The things that are bigger than us, right? But what I say is there's points on a map that happen. When a seduction happens, you can pinpoint little things. Like I can't say that like meeting this girl and then getting into heavy seduction, whether it's a relationship or just sex that night or whatever, I can't say where that's going to be, but I can say that there's certain points that happen. And six of those points are these. Number one is intent, right? That could be approaching or whatever, right? I'll get into all this stuff. We'll say define, comfort, and relax. Number four, this is probably the most important. Number five, you accept. Number six, escalate. Okay, so you're in a conversation, right? Anytime you approach a girl, it's intent, right? There's some sort of intent being it. It's a form of escalation. This is called six-point escalation, right? So anytime you make a move in a specific direction, that is a form of escalation. However, when you were talking to this girl, what were you saying like, how could I get more sexual? Like what point? I looked at her in the eye and she looked back, obviously. So I thought I got closer to her, then she got close to me, but I actually think that's all. Ooh, you're saying all the good stuff. Because I wasn't comfortable with, whoa, there was too much tension, so I broke it, broke it, and well, then I lost it. Dude, you're there, dude. Okay, so check this out. Guess what he just said? He had eye contact, you got a little bit closer, I felt it. Remember, seduction is organic. It's an organic thing that happens within us. It's in real time and these things happen in an instant and we have to be able to react on them. It is not mechanical, it's not a fucking machine. You have to be able to feel them. Anything, you know, getting in your body in any sort of way is gonna have that influence. Okay, what's happening there is, let's say you showed eye contact, this is an example. It's happening here, eye contact. Then she shows some eye contact, she gets closer. Whenever women, when guys feel sex, they're like, man, we want to fuck. We want sex, we're like, shit, let's do this. When a woman feels sex, she gets turned on and a lot of people argue this and there's all these studies that they put on that it's like when a woman gets turned on, she feels it right away. Even about stuff that she'll say she wasn't turned on about. I don't want to give that the wrong message or whatever, but women feel sex, let's just accept that, okay? But when women feel sex, there's a second thing which happens instantaneously. There's an emotional kind of charge that takes place of going, I don't want to be judged. I don't want to be used. Is this guy seeing me as an individual? Like, what if he tells people? All that sort of stuff. All those fears happen instantaneously. It's like, oh my God, I like this guy. Well, wait a minute. Who is he? Wait, does he see me for me? Okay, this isn't right. I don't feel safe. All that sort of stuff. So what we gotta do is we as men need to know that this is a point on the map. Now in a conversation, this might happen at one time, but in a flash of eye contact, what he's saying, again, these are points on a map that are happening that's gonna be quite quick. Eye contact, she gets closer. Eye contact, she smiles, she likes it. And then you as a guy have to know like, well, wait a minute, hey, look, I just think you're cool. I don't want you to get nervous or anything like that. You guys saw me with that waitress earlier, which again, wasn't like amazing, but what I was saying is like, hey, well, what makes you feel like a woman? Hey, I don't want to put you on a spot. I'm escalating, she's accepting to a point, and then I'm alleviating that fear, all right? So define comfort and relax. This could be like, hey, well, this is totally cool. I'm just talking to you, but relax, you know, like no big deal. This is the crazy thing. This is the total motherfucking money thing that nobody does. Nobody does it. And I can tell you so many stories about it that my female friends that talk about, this one girl I know, she was with this guy, she's liked him forever. This guy is so pimp. He's fucking talking about, you know, oh man, I want to put my babies in you and have you care. And she's like all lit up and all this sort of stuff. And for months and months and months, but she won't give it up. So one night there at the bar, and she calls me and tells me about this. She called me and actually was upset leaving the place. You know what I'm saying? Steve, oh man, like this happened, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, and he's getting it on with it. They're making out, it's continuous escalation. They're making out, he's got her top off. He's fingering her, he's got his hand on her dick and all this stuff and she has turned on, man. It's a very sexual person, she's turned on. And he's pushing like a guy, pushing like a guy. Oh man, I want you to own my cock, blah, blah. He's saying, oh, like I'm like, did I fucking talk to this guy? And he's going on and on and on. But he didn't elicit her intent. Guess what? A woman has got to be individualized. And bottom line is, the only people you should be having sex with are people that want to be having sex with you. All right? We're not here to learn how to disrespect that shit. So in order to get that, what he didn't do was say, well, wait a minute, I want you to do something to me. Do you like that? Another example would be like this. I'll be making out with a girl, trying to escalate with her. This is like the total awesome go-to move that you should do. Making out with her, she starts to get nervous. Hey, it's totally cool, we don't have to do anything. Let's be mellow. I want you to kiss me. I want you to kiss me though. Like don't think about anything sexual. I want you to kiss me, just kiss my neck and see what's going on. Like I'm gonna feel you. And then, because she is taking an action, she's showing her brand of sexuality. She's showing herself who she is as a woman. And then when I start accepting that, getting turned on by that, I'm going, oh man, fuck dude, I can't control myself. Look what you're doing to me. Geez man, what? Like, oh man, fuck, do you like that? Do you like that you are doing this to me? See this distinct point? She has shown her intent. You have elicited that. Now, in your situation, so now that we're starting to get this map a little bit better, your situation, I contact, she accepts you. Like, oh fuck, I'm in, I contact, she got closer, shit, a sexual tension. Hey dude, just relax, you're a cool person, I want to know more about you. Define comfort, relax. And then you can say, but you know what? Man, it's harder in a conversation, but you can say, man, you're making me kind of nervous when you look at me like that. Oh fuck, do you see her doing it again? Do you like that, you like that? No, but I really like it too. And so what's happening then is if you'll see her light up again. You'll see that fear alleviate and pick back up. And then what you gotta do is escalate and escalation is a constant process. These are cycles, seduction is a cycle, rapport, emotion, they're all cycles that build feedback off each other. And then what you would do is you could either stop, get a date, you could move to an emotional thread and continue to cycle again. But you want, what you're gonna realize is if you get here, especially if you elicit this intent, you can go really quick. You should be getting to anybody here who's interacting with people and being social. If you are having conversations that are over five minutes and you are not making an emotional connection, I would believe you are wasting time. If you are not making a sexual connection within 10 minutes, you are wasting time. It should be happening. And that, you know, your statistics shouldn't be, you can't just approach people and be 100%, but on the ones that do connect, they should happen fast. Cool. Yes, sir. Cool. Yeah, I have been struggling with concepts from other company, but Pickup is primarily about action and execution. And I find it really difficult when I'm taking action and approaching women to not be validated by their reaction. So. This is one thing that is always weird. You should be, it should affect you. Like, and this is what is always said that like, you know, Kobe Bryant or whoever Dwayne Wade or whatever, you know, athlete or in any form of sport doesn't react, you know, to their failures. Bullshit. When they make a basket, they are fucking on fire. Like, we have to control ourselves as men, but you should, you should care about validation. The thing is, action is a key thing. Action, nothing in your life can happen. You being your best self is dependent upon action. Perfect example. There was a girl who I actually do some crazy orgasmic meditation stuff with. Amazing person. She's like a life coach. Of course I say this because, you know, we're orgasmically meditating. Amazing. Amazing person. But she was telling me, I said, man, should I go on this trip? I got all this crazy stuff. And this was maybe last Sunday. I didn't buy my ticket for here. Today it's Sunday. So a week ago, I didn't buy my ticket till Tuesday. I'm like, man, should I go? I really feel I need to give this speech and this convention means a lot to me. You have no idea. Like, seeing you guys and also the guys that created it, it's like a huge thing in my life. Like, money and business structure is like, way fucking eighth place in priority. 21 convention is a big deal. And she said, man, if you feel that you need to do it, yeah, it sounds like a risk and maybe there might be some stupid business pros and cons going on, but it sounds like you wanna do it. And your passion is your job. And what you do and how you express yourself and what gives you meaning is you. And you need to take action on it. The only way that this can turn into something good is if you take action on it. Now, the problem is, there's another thing. Don't listen to too much pickup shit. Pick one, go with it. You have many things conflicting. They might be saying the same thing, but they're with a different voice and you're gonna go in a circle and confuse yourself. Pick one, go with it, dedicate yourself to it. Don't get me wrong, man. There's probably a lot of fraudulent stuff out there, but I bet you all the technique is probably pretty legit. The second thing that I notice in that is, man, use yourself as the value. Dude, when I put myself out there and somebody rejects it, it sucks. When I put myself on the line and share myself with a woman because that's what it means to give the best sexual experience that I can have. I need to do that. When I put my entire life, you know, when I'm whatever, even if I'm just hooking up with the girl, I'm still being me. When I'm the only way that that's gonna turn into a good experience is if I'm being me. If I'm not being me, then it's almost impossible because sex is organic. It's impossible once you are in a sexual state, once you're in a state of what you really believe in, it doesn't even have to be sexual. It could be what you're passionate about. It's impossible to be inauthentic. You have to take that road. Pass it on. Uh-oh, the photographer. What's up, man? I think a lot of the struggles that we have across many different areas of different stages has to do with having courage, really. Okay. A lot of times we know what we've learned, we've read something, we've talked to somebody, we know what we want to do in a particular moment and looking back, we will wish we would have done. But how do you build that up? How do you build that? The biggest way you can have courage, I mean courage means that you're presenting yourself at any lengths and putting that risk out there. So you gotta look at what you're having courage about. If you're having courage to perform a technique, that might be necessary for you to get in a mode. Dude, if you're stagnant, you don't know what you like, you don't know where to meet people, you gotta take actions outside the box and push your comfort zone. However, if you're obsessed with pushing a comfort zone, you're gonna go in a circle. You're never gonna get there. So the true, the best way, the straightest line to have courage is to take action on what you believe in. That's what courage is. So you need to start doing that. Your technique should reflect, walk hand in hand and be married with what you believe. Quickest way to do that, I have this huge inventory that I have you guys do. What are you attracted to? Physically, mentally, idealistically, all that sort of stuff. What's attractive about you? That should be your pathway. That's what's gonna turn you on. That is what is going to get you aroused. And when you're aroused, you're in action. Something has to happen. You're gonna take steps forward. Again, these are just points on a map to what to do when you're aroused. Oh shit, I'm aroused. Fuck, let me relax her for a second and then get her to illicit intent. You gotta be creative with it. But like I was telling you earlier, you do something 20 times or so, you start to get it and you can grow with it. You can let it go, not be too worried about the technique. We just have like a few minutes. Who else wants it? Who wants the last one? Hi, I feel like I know how to pick up chicks, but I'm more worried about how do you actually have a successful relationship and keep that going over a long term and be happy with it. Well, it's tough, man. I mean, relationships, see in this industry, it's tough because we can help you probably with the first four months of that relationship. But I don't know too many like, well, I could be wrong. There's not many instructors that are having great relationships. I've had a relationship that could be better, could be worse for four and a half years, man. But at the time, I want it to go in a different direction. The only thing that I can do is know what I want and assert it, you know? And to be responsible for what I want. Like here's one of the things. When you start having a relationship with a woman, it opens up a different side to you. You have to express on a different level. You have to start reading a woman in a different way. You have to stop looking at the dominance. You have to stop looking at the fight. You have to stop looking at the control. When a woman comes at you and she's crying and upset or she's hysterical, that doesn't mean that I need to be dominant and freeze her out. It's her saying, she's coming at me, going like, look, you're all I got. Please give me what I need. And you have to be able to read between the lines of that. You need to be able to, you change as a man. You change as a man to be able to, God, man, be one with her. And that's a different thing. When we're all yang, we can be whatever the fuck we want and fit and whatever pussy, you know, comes our way or interaction comes our way. But when we find one, we need to move with that and shape ourselves towards it. And you have to know that the only way, true masculinity and femininity, and really there's none when it comes to it, but true masculinity and femininity defines each other. And you need to define yourself through that woman and by that woman, you know, and she's gonna get the same thing. But the more you conflict, the more you fight it, the more you're fighting a power greater than yourself. Now, there's two things, right? When we are, when you talk about evolution, hey, we were probably evolved to, you know, not be monogamous. Totally agree, culture fits in so many ways. But one thing that's true, because sex is a communic, we communicate through sex. There's three animals that do it, bonobos, dolphins, humans. And we can do it in all different ways, but our, and other animals can learn to enjoy and communicate sexually too, but they don't naturally do it. We do it to influence our culture. So what does that mean? We have a sexual urge to do all this shit. You can talk about all that evolution, but guess what's part of that evolution? We need to fit in that culture. And if that culture says for us to act a certain way, then we should abide by it in some way, all right? You know, we need to humble ourselves by it in a little bit. Dude, relationships can be awesome, but they're gonna change you, challenge you, and they're gonna actually make you an awesome person. And also if you just wanna dance, if you wanna go route and screw a bunch of chicks, then that's a beautiful thing too. I'm gonna wrap this up here, but what I want you guys to do is look, I want you to keep an open mind for this sort of stuff. I'm somebody that believes that your life, your sexual life and expression through that is one of the most beautiful things that you can have in exchange with somebody. You, like right now, man, you could be in the moment and have the best possible life you could think as long as you're willing to allow yourselves to do it. Last thing said, and I'll probably say it a little bit more after the camera stops rolling, but go to thesexuallife.com and also email me at steve at thesexuallife.com. I'm not gonna write it again. Anyway, thank you guys so much. Thanks for having me here, and a beautiful, beautiful, thank you, 21 Conventurers. You know what? I meant to bring my phone on stage to take a picture of everybody's club, but damn it. Hey, so are we having questions here, or we're done? Yeah. Okay, cool. What's up? You answered my, the question I actually had written down, you've already answered through that self-love that you touched on. But, so I thank you for that. Cleared a few things up, so I've got a very big nugget there from you. My question is inner critic. How have you dealt with your inner critic? Shit, man. Dude, fuck. Sex is like the biggest thing which tells you that. I mean, jeez, I don't know I'm insecure. Like I think I can handle it in whatever ways until like I started interacting with a woman. And the only way to do that is to explore more. I mean, I'm a big fan of writing things down. Anybody that works with me in a long-term capacity is going to have to look at themselves. They're going to have to interact with themselves. And write down, like perfect example, open relationship or multiple sexual partners. Why is this affecting me? Why do I want it? What does it give me? What do I get turned on by? What do I get afraid of? What do I get upset about? Like all that sort of shit. What makes me jealous? Why am I jealous? Am I afraid of losing or am I afraid of somebody else being better than me? Why do I feel that? Okay, it might turn your world upside down. When you get woken up, everybody's kind of pissed off. But over time, and there's different ways to do it, but you learn to relax that. Hey, one last thing guys. And this is something and keep the mic passed or I just want to say this. Hey, go here, thesexuallife.com slash TSL24. That stands for the sexual life 24. There is a promo I'm doing. There's an online program that I run with people actually in Austin. There's video of a seminar once a week that is posted online as well as calls and all this other stuff, which usually has this massive value for 24 hours. I am offering it for $100. That has never been done before. If everybody signed up, that's great. If not, don't worry about it. But it's an opportunity for you guys to work in like to make some crazy growth. But keep on with the questions. Nothing else. Really? That's it? Nothing? Wow. You guys have no idea. Nobody asked about like any escalation shit or fucking, wow, Jesus Christ. Okay. Escalate, well you did. A little bit, a little bit. Anyway guys, we're gonna wrap it up cause we gotta go, but seriously, if you guys want an opportunity to work with me, this is usually like, well, a lot. But minimum 500 bucks, but it's $100 for the next 24 hours. Thesexuallife.com slash TSL24. And it's all good. Hey, thanks for letting me speak and I hope you enjoyed it.