 Waste of time and most relationships are oftentimes relationships are an opportunity for deeper healing for both the individuals for the individual self and the other person as well the challenges most people enter into relationships from a transactional or conditional perspective for Example transactional might be I need you to pay the bills and I'll take care of the home That's a transaction. There's a give and take involved in that fight a dynamic There's nothing wrong with that Spiritual relationships actually have a deeper purpose a deeper meaning in them. I'm gonna read something to you I read on Jason Gaddis's Instagram He says relationships are or I wrote down relationships are a gateway to healing and what he wrote is good Relationships heal trauma Just being in a good one can repair years of hurt Feeling unseen and feeling alone. Thus relationships are a path to healing and personal transformation again. That was Jason Gaddis, okay? Here's the challenges challenge for many of you. You're experiencing unhealthy Transactional or conditional relationships that cause most people to suffer on the inside and because being in a bad relationship feels better than being alone Wounded people I want to repeat that being in a bad relationship feels better than being alone I think so many people sadly subscribe to this and wounded people who haven't done the inner work that haven't done the healing oftentimes suffer the most and Relationships are an opportunity to expand oneself on your individual journey Now let me pause for a second if you happen to watch the interview I did with Rabbi Manus Friedman He shared something very profound When two whole people enter into a relationship Ideally the container of marriage is the the path for easy the path for deeper growth For the individual the challenge is when a person shows up unhealed true You know stuck in their wounds stuck in the past and whatnot They need in the container of a relationship is very difficult to grow from Okay, so I just shared that from that perspective now I want to lean into how to know it's time to move on because that's really what this title is about How do you know it's time to move on? I just have to read my notes for a second. I said if your needs For closeness commitment safety and trust are unmet After several attempts or requests to meet those needs I'm going to repeat that if your need for closeness commitment safety and trust are unmet after several attempts or requests to meet those needs or You need deeper healing outside of the container relationship which will block your individual expansion It's time to move on So let me expand upon that for a second Maybe look at it this way the purse the person cannot grow with you or meet you in the container of A committed relationship or maybe you being in the relationship can't cause you to grow Okay, I want you to really think about this for a moment I know this might sound like a lot of gobbly goop or whatnot But the reality is is if two people choose to enter into the dynamic of a relationship The relationship is an opportunity to co-create something Repeat that's an opportunity to co-create something together to build something together The problem is dating today has more to do with entertainment and having a good time instead of exploring the real purpose of A relationship and the purpose of a relationship is for two people to grow together to build something together and The purpose of dating is vetting that person to determine if They can grow with you and as I said earlier You might meet someone you can't grow with or maybe the confines of a relationships makes it difficult for you to grow In either case it's time to move on it's time to let go The challenge with letting go is that oftentimes feels painful feels painful to let go because we become attached to another person Once you think about we become attached to another person in the minute we become attached It's hard to let go in fact many people just double down on the relationship in some cases. They double down just Absolutely being silent To making requests for closeness commitment safety and trust many of you ladies have duct tape on your mouth and You're afraid to speak up If you're in a relationship with you're afraid to speak up if you're in a relationship Where you're afraid to ask for your needs then you're in the wrong relationship either They're not the right person for you, but quite frankly if you can't speak up. You're not the right person for him You know, that's hard to believe but that means you have individual work that needs to be done So why am I diving into this today? I Have something to share with every one of you that relates to this from a very personal level And I've crafted a letter which is going to be posted in about 45 minutes on my channel And I want to read it to everyone Okay And the quite the letter goes like this Dear friends Romantic love doesn't follow rules and the journey of coupling most likely is for a reason a season or a lifetime As many of you know for the past year someone special entered my life and our experience together has taught me so much About what it means to truly love and more importantly what it means to go all in The gifts experienced all these months throughout our union are more than I could have imagined except for one the all-in With deep sadness I announced today that my romantic connection with Marie has ended and we are transmuting our Relationship our relationship into something new over the next few weeks. I Do not doubt that our souls were meant to connect because there was a deeper healing for each of us as part of our journey Sometimes even great love isn't about going the distance It might just be about shining a light on the places where our little kid hasn't fully stepped into our adult and Romantic love can be a container for more significant expansion and growth Moving in together was a leap of faith and thankfully we treated each other with respect And as we said to each other often we make great roommates Which is rare for those of us in midlife. We're pretty set in our ways We were so enmeshed in our daily lives that finding our space back into our eye After being a weave for so many days might take some time and we're both a little scared We are parting with respect Gentleness and most of all love we are celebrating the profound lessons learned and with gratitude for an incredible incredible love and blessings too many to count Marie helped me break open the fear of taking care of someone and my dependency on others Which I've experienced my entire life, especially helping me discover Who I truly am as a man and what it means to love oneself and love another If I'm being honest with you all There's nothing easy about writing this message or sharing this message with you and please know my inner child is hurting and I'm sad and I know Marie feels the same way Endings can be uncomfortable bordering on painful and at the same time I choose to imagine a more extraordinary Things for both of us coming our way While we are sad we hold space for our relationship to find its new form Over the next few months as we unravel our joint lives into our individual lives and Please know we're in a good place and while it's rare to say this we both feel like this is the right thing to do I know for many of you this might come as a shock because we we shared so publicly our relationship we shared so publicly our journey and I did so because Particularly for those that explore a long-distance relationship, but more importantly the importance to go all in and Interesting enough. I think all in they all in of all in is marriage You know, the second version of all in is Engagement prior to marriage and the third version of all in is living together and that's what we did and I want you to know something We did this with the best intentions I know for a fact that Marie went into this because she was the one who moved it took a lot of courage to make a change in her Life and I give her a lot of credit for making that move and we really we had a wonderful relationship So you might be asking why is it ending? You're probably curious. You're all going. Why why why? Well, as I said in the beginning of this broadcast Sometimes two people can't meet each other where they need to be met or It might be that a person needs to grow and they can't do so in the container of this relationship Marie wasn't happy living in Los Angeles But I reckon she recognized there was something deeper going on for her She was really thirsty for her tribe her community particularly her Colombian roots And it was difficult for her because in her case She was Retired so basically our relationship had to fully fulfill her and what we both learned is one Individual can't fulfill all your needs and That put pressure on our dynamic to some degree And while I'm blessed to be able to share with you What brings me the most passion in life is an understanding of human behavior and relationships? Sadly Marie didn't have that going for her right now And she wants to go back to her roots. She wants to go back to her tribe And where many of them live are in Florida and in Colombia and because of that She couldn't do this in the container of our relationship So we have a bit we had a very conscious uncoupling. We really You know, we did this with a lot of love and while we're still in the parts of breaking up if you will Logistically speaking we've done this with a lot of love Now share with you. I noticed there was a change in her a few months ago I noticed her pulling back Why I'm bringing this up is you probably have experienced the same thing you notice to shift within someone and During that shift we had a number of conversations with one another and as as she was sorting this out for herself She was struggling to share her truth with me because she was in a state of confusion And it wasn't until her most recent trip to Colombia that she did get a handle on it and Thankfully because I'm attuned we could have a conversation Thankfully because I have a voice we could have a conversation what I mean by a voice is thankfully because I'm unafraid to speak my truth In a kind loving way we were able to open up this conversation and Recognize that the two of us weren't really getting our total needs met in this relationship And it was going to be very difficult to do this in the container of commitment in the container of logistics And many of you probably have found yourself in very similar situations I'm gonna tell you something the year I've been with Marie has been the best year of my life I mean really has I have no regrets I am so grateful for this experience. She taught me so much and I hope she feels the same way I know she feels the same way You know if I hadn't done the self-love work if I hadn't done by the way Here's a copy of my book what the heck a self-love anyway a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work I'm bringing this up if I not done the work ahead of time. This would have been a devastating experience for me This is what so many people experience is a devastating experience because they've given their power away to another person I never gave my power away to her. That's why this doesn't feel devastating now. That's not to say doesn't feel sad I gotta tell you prior to hitting the record button today. My hand was shaking Because I know many of you had high hopes for us It almost feels like an embarrassment that I introduced her and to the extent that I expanded upon The relationship I did so because what I'm what I wanted everyone to recognize is if you don't go in consciously if you go in unconsciously if you only focus on the entertainment Then you possibly could find yourself in a position of being devastated when one person doesn't meet you or you're at in our case We went in we went in all in the best we could at where we are at in our lives And she's in a slightly different place and I don't fault her for that You know, we had our differences. We humans we all have our differences with another person You have to accept that And what we learned through radical honesty what we learned through laying our cards on the table What we learned in the rules of engagement through this experience That our journey was meant to be for exactly as long as it was and now we're parting in two different directions And there's still going to be love between us not that romantic love But that love of just like I care about this other person and I know she genuinely cares for me It doesn't mean that we're gonna, you know be best buddies, you know, she's living in she's gonna be moving to florida But we will still be in each other's lives because love doesn't You know love is never wasted And honestly, I want the best for her just like she wants the best for me I want to say did we see this coming? I know many of you are gonna bring up Oh, we saw this coming Jonathan, you know, we knew she wasn't right for you I had a lot of Detractors in the group Some of that was based on your own egos expressing Did I see this coming? I I don't know if it matters if I saw it coming what matters most is how we both showed up in this relationship We did our best to be conscious communicative expressive We dealt with things immediately. We didn't sweep them under the rug Plus we traveled and I got to listen. I'm a homebody and she got me out of my my cocoon I am so grateful for that. She got me out of she allowed me to see She allowed me to see parts in myself that I couldn't see and I think that's what happened for her I had someone write Jonathan if you overanalyze this relationship, we'll lose Marie She's she's right and she's wrong in that comment See what happened was our relationship through my experience in human behavior We had an opportunity to explore that she had a horrific childhood A really horrific childhood a very traumatic childhood and she had two very traumatic relationships after that Many of you might relate to that And through that while she had done some healing in that She really hadn't done the deeper work to heal what was hurting inside of her And she recognizes now that that has to be done outside of the container of a relationship Many of you are choosing people Who are unconscious to their childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas and they're so stuck in their childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas That they're not able to grow with you in a in the container of a relationship And I recognize that this can be very frustrating for you But going in consciously That requires well first off going in without giving your power away going in with the best intentions But more importantly going in intentionally speaking Dating today is just a protracted version of friends with benefits and i'm here to explore As as the weeks and months go on as we unravel the tapestry of our lives and as I put myself in the position of attracting A new partner in my life Whether it happens or not the most important relationship I have is the relationship I have with myself and why i'm saying this is the most important relationship You have is the relationship with yourself whether you are made it or not See when you show up fully whole and you meet someone else fully whole in your whole You can join together in union and then explore the nooks and crannies of that particular expansion and growth This is hard guys. This is hard Because I know you guys really many of you really appreciate our relationship and i'm sad i'm gonna miss that daily interaction I had fun with marie You know, I think of it. I said to a friend of mine the other day You know where we just won the super bowl and now we're moving we're retiring from the game And what I meant by that is we're really leaving on a high note because this wasn't an issue with the other person We didn't have criticism contempt Defensiveness stonewalling this wasn't one of those relationships where there was anger resentment suffering going on all involved We really showed up as two whole human beings loving each other as good friends love each other and and that's something to celebrate And what i'm here to encourage everyone to do is to recognize that maybe Maybe some of you are in a relationship right now where you can't grow as a person or they can't grow with you as a person And it's okay to let go and move on This is why I continually encourage doing the personal development work self-help and spiritual work So you can begin to explore a more conscious way of dating mating and relating And I'll be sharing more of my journey as we as the weeks and months um progress First off, thank you for allowing me to share this with you. I see a lot of comments in here Which I won't get a chance to read till later. I appreciate that I do want to open it up for questions Whether it's about the content or whether it's what I have shared and if you have a question Uh, you want to be on live join me live? I put a link there below um And if you have a question write the word question then post the question there after it may you may have to repeat yourself Or you can purchase a super sticker super chat. Those are the ones that I can see very quickly All the monies from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Connor Asley That's a picture of him right there on father's day. He's my son who passed away Five years ago in his honor. I donate to causes like the Hoffman process Insight institute and I still will be donating the seeds of love Which is an organization in columbia that helps uh underprivileged children with terminal disease After being a band abandoned by their parents. All right, so I see there's a few people in the house. Um, I know you weren't expecting this christine, but um Hi there Well, christine How about grace is in the house? Hi grace Hi jonathan Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us and your story And um, I just wanted to say, you know the part that you Spoke about what happened to marie as a child um I had a very I don't know exactly what happened her but mine was not very good. It was very Bad a lot of beatings a lot of uh verbal abuse punishment physical abuse so Speaking for myself and I'm going to be 63 years old My question is is the healing my true healing didn't really start probably till After I had so many failed relationships and raised a kid by myself and became a grandma and everything and my mom was sick with cancer Is when I started looking in and saying you're not a healed person and that's why you can't never hold on to anyone You can't hold on to any boyfriend. You drive them all off You have a lot of deep rooted problems And so I went to youtube and that's kind of how I found you and uh over the last couple of years I have been doing a lot of every day now every day. I work on myself Yeah, every day It's like working out You know, I work out I don't know if you could tell but I work out several times a week and it's a habit and I make myself do it and but the Self-help work because you can't be raised in a violent environment and expect that it's going to go away It's just a it's a cloud that follows you but you can have sunshine If you work on it every day and you ask the sun to shine it'll shine, but you have to work on it Yeah And so you have a question in there Well, I guess the question would be and I can ask this question probably for you as well because I had to let So go of someone more than likely he it's because he's a Narcissist and uh, and he's got the uh avoidant attachment style and I'm the opposite I'm a needy, you know more needy like you and um Probably drive them further away because they're already anxious. I'm anxious. All right grace grace grace Ask a question I guess the question is Do you in your mind have have Hope or I don't want to say hope But do you think that a relationship like you and marise even though you're going to part as friends and everything Um can come back together Okay, so well, thank you for what you shared. I really appreciate it. I appreciate the kind words um You know, we're we're parting with love. Okay. I want to just be clear of The reason why I say I'm differentiating friends versus love. We're parting with love and how that Transmutes over the next few months. We'll see what happens Um, I am not and I'll be candid with you was her choice to make the decision and I only bring that up is I recognize that her choice was really the right choice for me as much as it was for her It's just a different side of the coin and and it took me You know, my ego was hurt a little bit and I was kind of like Pouting like how could you you know, like I'm the best thing that's ever happened to you and I'm a great guy And I have all this work I went through all those alliterations for about a nanosecond with her and I'm being candid with you I don't hold space about getting back together because that energy Is is is going to block me from attracting whatever love is meant to my life whether it's her or someone else. Okay Now in the case of her Exploring her own journey how that looks for her That could take weeks months years for her to really find her center and when you mentioned uh you know her childhood Was um, you know alcoholic father abuse and a neglectant mother and and I only share this publicly so people just understand I'm not just talking about garden variety. You know Apparently she really had traumatic childhood And and she has three siblings and I don't think they ever recovered from that for themselves. She had done recover That's why I said it's so important She had done life spring at the age of 18 and 19 And I don't think she would have became the woman she is if she hadn't done that in an early age What happens is Is those wounds will will will rise up to the surface and Sadly, I think for herself and I don't think she'll mind me sharing this. She chose her two significant relationships after her, you know when she uh her Her marriage and other significant relationship She had a propensity to meld into the man's life And I don't think and so when she came I saw I saw that I saw that in the way she looked at you and the way When you two interacted on your shows I could see that Yes, so she melded in my life And and my my reason for bringing this up is I don't think she ever really Fully got to know who she was as a person outside of a relationship Mm-hmm And so right now she wants to be with her tribe or community This is something she's yearning for and I think we all need tribe and community. I mean here particularly in the united states But in almost all over the world where we're we're Displaced from our tribe our community where we're required to do it all on our own and worse We're required to make one person responsible for all of our needs And it puts too much pressure on one person to fit all our needs This is one of the reasons why I'm very you know when I I told everyone I wasn't I wasn't interested in the long-distance relationship part of the reason was this You know if you have a tribe somewhere and for her Her tribe started to disband years ago in Chicago and started to move all to florida And when she was in Florida Okay, so when she was considering a change florida was on the top of her list why i'm bringing this up is that You know while los angeles was a secondary place What was really what her heart was thirsty for was community? tribe connection You know I have that here to that degree And while she did her best to to integrate into that it wasn't right it wasn't the the Exact container she needed So coming full circle to your question I don't hold hope That we're going to get back together. Okay. I don't hold that space I hold the space of just simply loving her and I got to tell you something. I'm really proud of myself I am proud of the work I did prior now why i'm saying this is I witnessed particularly women, but it more more so than men They've given their power away to men They make their whole existence based on being loved by this person and then they're devastated and crushed when it doesn't work out And then there's this fantasy that love will solve all our problems. No, that is not it Love is just the icing on the cake Right Love does not solve your problems And the other thing I want to say this the quality of a relationship isn't measured by time You know the fact that it was a year and it's ending on a high note I'm fucking grateful. Could you imagine if it dragged out for another six months a year where there was starting that You know, we'd start to get on each other's nerves and shit like that And we went in with all the best intentions. We did the radical honesty. We laid the cards on the table We we set the rules of engagement. It was a blessing. It was just a blessing You know and you can't look at it any other way and she's sort of wonderful lady And she's going to go do the things she needs to do I can honestly say and if anybody else wants to put in the chat room To jonathan if they agree with me or not I'm going to make a statement and I can see Even though I knew didn't know that you were officially broke you and marie had officially broken up I hadn't noticed a big change in you jonathan when you When she moved there and when you would do your shows And then like everything was pretty good when you did your ones by yourself, but whenever You you guys did the I had I couldn't watch your together shows. I'm going to be honest I would only and then I wasn't watching them at all And you know what grace I appreciate what you're going to share, but I'd rather not go there that that I just want to say You see no, I appreciate that. You see more relax If anyone I've seen a couple comments already in the post of of disparaging marie and let me be clear with that Grace grace grace. I know you're not okay. I know you're not you just seem happy No, I that's what I thank you for noticing that And let me just say this Anyone who disparages me marie and these chat boxes are on my channel or in the comments That's not it going to be tolerated because they didn't know what actually happened behind closed doors And I wasn't asking anybody You just see a sliver and to the extent that this person was an amazing fucking person in my life I'm not saying this to you grace. I'm saying that to some of those people are making You seem happy to me. I mean you seem like This was an amazing Experience for me and why I'm sharing this with everyone and I'm going to I'm going to end our part in this I'm going to open it up to others if someone wants to join in they can join in right now Everyone I want you to ask yourself four questions After a relationship ends And these questions are what positive things that I learned about myself in this experience How did I heal from this experience? What was good about this experience and what am I most grateful for and let me be clear I have gratitude that is overflowing In abundance in this dynamic grace. Thank you for sharing what you did. I want to open it up Sure, and that's thanks to marie Yeah, exactly There's an example By big hugs to you. Thanks. Bye I really appreciate grace coming on folks if you have something to share I'm gonna if you want to join the the hot seat um Honey you says Let's be thankful for sharing their life lesson with us. Thank you so much see too says says marie is wonderful Jonathan is wonderful best to both of you All right, let's see what else I saw some questions here um One of my facebook group members has jumped in Is there anything you've learned from this experience? Which would you would do or not do when entering into a new relationship in the future? you know I think i'm going to be processing that over a little bit of time. Um, I I really need to sit with with um With what did I learn from this experience? What positive things that I learned about myself and how did I heal? I think You know, many of you know, I've shared publicly having an anxious love attachment style And to the degree that marie was you know, kind of the opposite end of that it we weren't at extremes Okay, you know when people are in when someone's an extreme anxious and they're with an extreme avoidant That's called drama. Okay. We weren't at extremes I think I learned to become a more secure person in relationship. That's one thing. I'm grateful for and I healed That within myself. Um, or at least I'm healing that I believe we all have a default whether we're anxious or avoidant. I think that's a default love attachment style I don't you know to the extent that amir levine and rachel heller say that 50 percent of the population is secure I don't buy that. I don't know how they quantify it, but I don't I don't buy that I think we're either anxious or avoidant at our default and then how far we are from that center ends up Dictating the kind of relationships we have. So I think I've done healing to come more to secure. That's number one What was good? We traveled I went through the panamoc canal. I went to cardae in a columbia I went to guatemala. I went to the mexican riviera. We took tips to chicago. We took other trips to florida You know, she got me out of my bubble. She got me out of my little bachelor pad and we have a nice Place here and I'm going to keep the place. We're in Okay, we acted as partnerships with one another. We contributed financially to this dynamic You know within the parameters that we agreed in we went in with agreements with one another Oh my god, so many of you enter into the dating dynamic without any agreements And you wonder why it it implodes later and so I'm going to be talking about this Incessantly the importance of establishing agreements early on and going all in early on and if the man is Uncapable if they're afraid of marriage if they're afraid of Living with someone if they give excuses if they're not in love with the idea of it Then guess what you are rolling the dice with someone And you're rolling the dice with your heart because the at the end of the day just like what rabbi man is freedman shared I think the true growth happens in the container of all in Whatever all in looks like okay, whether it's marriage whether it's domestic partnership whether it's living together Whatever all in looks like for you Okay, and all in you know is all in it's a declaration It's a declaration to one another and if you don't have that conversation about all in you're rolling the dice And then you're going to find yourself in a circumstance where you're going to be doing this over and over and over again And remember as I said in this video Relationships are a container for healing spiritual people get this message When I see spiritual conscious awaken enlightened people. All right If you want to jump in You want to jump in you want to speak to me directly? um roe says Jonathan is teaching us in real time how to gracefully lovingly and maturely part ways rather than slander or talk smack post break up If he's if he's not doing it. That's not your call to do it for him. Thank you so much roe's folks I'd originally waited thinking about waiting till the end of the month when marie returns from columbia and do this jointly No, I think it's important to share this from real time. How am I feeling this? How am I experiencing this right now? um So let's see Vivian says I'm sorry to hear this jonathan marie is a beautiful woman inside and out. I hope she will find peace in her healing journey It's heartbreaking to hear and I wish you happiness and love. Thank you so much Carmen wants me to Share what is her love attachment style? I believe that I am slightly anxious and she is slightly avoidant. I say slightly Okay, I think we're both the fact that we had a really good relationship for the most part tells me we were bordering on secure but ultimately What no matter what the default is you have to understand If you don't go back and heal the root cause Of our emotional distress Which is our childhood wounds and traumas if you don't go back and really work on it as grace was saying It's a daily practice. I do and and y'all be candid with you all In this relationship, I abandoned my daily practice. I abandoned my meditation I abandoned my daily practice And when this all went down, I immediately went back to my daily practice of meditation Of working with a coach. I'll bring my coach back on to talk about this in a little more detail But I got out of my routine now. Thankfully. I've done all the herculean work ahead of time. Please forgive the pit stains I'm sweating here a bit I've done the herculean work ahead of time. So I didn't give my power away Ah, let's keep some Melissa says I'm sorry Jonathan big hugs for you. I'm still healing from a breakup from april We are together for a year and four months. Your teachings have helped me to tremendously. Thank you for sharing Melissa, I just want to invite you to remember these four questions to ask yourself What positive things did I learn about myself in this experience? How did I heal from this experience? What was good and what's most grateful for when you're in a state of gratitude? You cannot suffer and make your gratitude not about a person about the experience Focus on the experience and you'll heal much faster is my suggestion for you All right Tina says Maria's sweet. I agree Maria's a Maria is a special lady you guys Um, let's see if there's any questions Uh, if you have a question for me write the word question and post the question there after or you can jump on Okay, we see a question right here Dana writes I'm saddened to hear the news even though It may be both life paths to be separate. I'm sorry for both of this going on for you That's not a question, but thank you for sharing that. I really appreciate it folks. I really would like to have a question Jay says, how would you deal with someone that has a short fuse and anger burst? Okay, folks um What's the expression? Fool me once shame on them Fool me twice shame on me If someone now it's okay. So that would be difficult to you know address right off the bat But if someone has a propensity for a short fuse or anger I think it's important to express. Is it about you or is it about a Situation ship is it if there's something external going on? Okay, that person gets triggered And they have to get to the root of what the trigger is now You are not obligated to hold space for someone See that's kind of the thing that's happening here with marie It reached a point where I was holding space for her growth But that growth has to be done outside of the container of a relationship And because i'm a therapist i'm not a therapist, but because I kind of operate as a therapist I have a lot of compassion and understanding At the same time You know, you might end up compromising a bit of yourself by having you know compassion and understanding So I wouldn't well, I would basically if this is a continually pattern Invite them to heal it and maybe do it outside the container of a relationship. That would be my invitation for you DC says best advice. There are many dating coaches that say don't ask those difficult questions upfront I say the opposite if that if their advice was so right Why do people enter into six-week relationships? Find it ending and it's miserable when you could have predicted some of these things sooner rather than later We went marie and I went in when we recognized here. Here's something. I'll share with you So we met each other there was mutual physical attraction and interest Okay, and then I invited her to the wedding mutual interaction and interest So then she came out here To los angeles to visit her family and spend four days with me in those four days We said look if this is going to work if we're going to explore a relationship then let's do it intentionally We laid our we were radically honest laid our cards on the table We set the rules of engagement and then when she left we agreed that we were going to explore a relationship In the confines of monogamy and exclusivity. Okay We made an agreement monogamy and exclusivity and we'd explore a relationship the next visit. She came out We said if this is going to work We'd have to she'd have to live in the same city because I wasn't planning on moving to Chicago And she wanted to leave Chicago. So we immediately agreed by her second visit here that we would explore living together Okay, some people might say wow, that was radically fast. Okay You know what? Dating is a protracted version of brands with benefit friends with benefits You guys are belaboring the dating process because you're more focused on entertainment And transactional and conditions instead of consciously like we did a deep dive for four days We laid our cards on the table. We were on we we did honesty the best we could And we established the rules of engagement folks It's not measured in time. It's measured in quality Quality is not measured in time time isn't you know, it's not about the time. It's about the quality All right, you heard my rant there All right, um, if you if you want to jump on the hot seat join me now Okay, classy sassy writes Jonathan Could you please tell me how to deal with another that gas lights not being accountable for one-sided view? Listen If you're okay, it comes back to this if you've made repeated attempts To create closeness Commitment safety and trust if you've made repeated attempts And it hasn't been met What's the title of this video letting go how to know it's time to move on when you've made repeated attempts And they're not able to meet you that's how you handle that You move on folks don't You know, this isn't about being a martyr and staying in a relationship You know, and if I love him more if I love her more she'll change no God i'm really sweating up a storm um No, so I would move on in this particular case one of our facebook group members wants to remind me I read the book spiritual partnership the journey of authentic power It changed how I look at relationships all relationships have the power to teach us or heal us. That's what marie did for me I'm so thankful for that Dana We were in a relationship, but not compatible. We still dance when we meet How do I handle watching him flirt with other women if it's weirder to have no communication? okay Dana when you love yourself If well, let me ask you a question Did you love him if you really loved him then you want the best for him Just like I want the best for marie if marie meets a great guy You look at it's gonna sting a little bit. I'm not gonna lie But i'm also gonna be happy for her because I also know someone special is gonna come into my life I don't just hope for to believe it. I know it. Okay number one number two When you love yourself and you know your worth you don't get triggered by it See that's the work the work is not You know if you're getting triggered by it then that means you have to work on yourself That's the antidote to suffering the antidote to suffering is self love Personal development self-help and spiritual work at daily practice. That's the antidote So that's the vaccination to emotional chaos and I invite that in for your life All right, um Thank you Dana so much Siri says or I don't know how to pronounce your name Do you don't you think you will ever feel broken by a breakup ever again? Can you handle breakups? Do you think that means you're not as attached to someone great question? You know after losing my son And the the devastating loss of that I can handle anything. I mean, I don't want to test that god. I'm not testing that You know when I lost my identity. I was devastated when I lost Connor Thankfully I'd done the the work prior to so this didn't take me down. I chose to grieve with love So by the time I reach this particular place with Marie. I'm not I'm grieving the ending with love See love is the antidote to all this loving myself and loving her That's the antidote to all of this. That's the vaccination So when you come from a place of genuinely loving yourself and by the way, it's always a journey of loving yourself You never fully complete this journey. I'm still a work in progress. How many times have I told you guys? I'm fucked up It's just a matter of degrees. I I you some of you put me up on a pedestal. I'm no picnic to be with okay Believe me. We had our own we had our prickly parts between the two of us But what we had Was good communication between the two of us and that's why we're able to work through our stuff From a place of love and I'm grieving this with love Um, Mary says is it is it is dating a retired person harder when you're not retired? I'm a retired person trying to The challenge with a retired person is do they have purpose? Do they have purpose? My mother and father when my father retired You know, my dad put his energy into starting clubs and organizations My mother was a champion bridge player and she put her energies in a different place So empty nesters for example, if they don't find their purpose When they're retired or with kids out of the home Yes, it can be very problematic if you have a purpose. It's not going to be as problematic Can you give examples of questions to ask when you begin a relationship? Yes What does a relationship look like for you? What does commitment look like for you? Are you do you love the idea of marriage? Do you love the idea of living with someone? Ask these deeper questions. Yes, those are good questions Honey says Jonathan's advice saved us time and energy I'd rather know than wait a decade that we're not a fit for one another exactly Minnesota girl, by the way, if you have a question here jump on come on If you felt like I gave grace a hard time, I apologize. I just wanted to open space for other people all right, minnesota girl What are your thoughts on a couple that breaks up and goes their separate ways? They mature and do work on themselves fate puts them together 15 years later. I feel like timing Um You know what? It could mean there's a karmic relationship between the two of you that might mean that there might be some more Work that means to be done or it might mean that you'll go the distance. See here's the thing. I've observed folks Relationships are not about going the distance because the fact the matter is One person is going to die before the other One person is going to be alone for a period of time. My father now has been alone for six years What I mean alone is my mother passed away Now he's 98 so he's not out there, you know banging it if you will but you are one person is going to die before the other So relationships are a container not about going the distance unless you both die at the same time in the movie The notebook glorified that Relationships are about finding out who you are and you've been given a mirror to explore that Marie gave me such a gift I realized that there was some deficiencies in who I am as a man And she was able to draw attention to that based on who she was. I am grateful for that Um, so anyway, minnesota. I hope that answered your question Julia is in the house when is enough enough when it comes to being With an individual for over 20 years and our partner only shows Respectful improvement after we have done so frustrated. We kick them out to leave You know, it's interesting. I was talking to a friend of mine that was married for 15 years in the last 10 years She was unhappy Great guy by the way, I love them both. Okay It took she said to me it took me 10 years to figure it out It took me 10 years to get the courage To suggest that they they separate How and however long it takes for you that's how long it's going to take You know I think with marie in particular. She recognized I'd say what happened was She went back for a funeral in april And it really stirred her up and we processed a lot of stuff during that experience Of her family of origin stuff So I would say by May june for two months. She was really wrestling with what was going on And thankfully I was a container for her to explore these things because I asked the deeper questions And so by the time july rolled around she recognized that there was she was really hurting and she wasn't being fair to me See sometimes a relationship ends because you're doing it for the other person as much as you're doing it for yourself See, that's the way grown-ups part and grown-ups accept it Because you recognize that the other person needs to grow on their own Whether they're you know and not in the container of a relationship joya. Thank you so much for the question Siri says you're not feeling what it's like without marie yet. So um as of this date We've been apart for the last 30 days We've been apart for almost three It's she was gone for two weeks came back for a week has been gone for a week. So yes, you're true You know, I'm not feeling it, but I'm also Doing a lot of work to heal. This is the time where I'm putting my energy to heal You know, yes, it's you know, it sucks. Okay folks. It sucks I'm not I'd be lying if I said I didn't and the reason why I'm not bawling my eyes out in front of you because I could gain sympathy from you or start to kind of You know express something that might feel more true is because I've gone through the I've gone through a big Chunk of the grieving process which is accepting it You know, I got a little bit of angry I didn't get depressed. I won't do depression because that's giving your power away because I choose to You know end with love But I'm also coming to acceptance when you come to acceptance you can then begin the healing process I did all of that in a short period of time and now I'm just focusing on my own individual healing Mismanager wants to know how do you know that this is just a hiatus in the relationship? What are the tick boxes to fully know that it's definitely Will never work. How does one know when it's ended? well Let me just be clear Okay She wants to move to another place. That's definitive. Okay, and she's making arrangements for that Okay, when she moves, okay, that's another definitive point Okay, what I won't do Is beg for someone to come back to me and I'm not expecting her to you know Miss me if she miss if she comes back to me because of missing me then it's then she hasn't done the work Okay So it's not about knowing that it ended because our relationship didn't end Our romantic relationship ended. It's transmuting into a different relationship that relationship will find its new form And if it comes back to romantic relationship, it comes back to romantic relationship I'm just not holding space for that because that's where so many of you humans get all Tangled up. You're holding hope instead of moving on with your life Thank you, mismanager Good morning, Jonathan. Any thoughts about landmark forum? I recently took the online free workshop and I found it not everyone's cup of tea some say it's a cult I Have many friends who have done it and have gone great benefits. I don't believe it's a cult By I do believe it's a personal development workshop that has its motivations. Okay Every personal development organization has its own motivations. I don't believe it's nefarious I think it's probably profit driven, but I don't think it's nefarious But there's a lot of great teachings at that within that I like the Hoffman process. I like insight in seminars, but some people believe that's a cult. Okay Some people believe that gurus in India are, you know Abusive and whatnot, but whoever you can grow and learn from that's who you should follow Whoever whatever that feels like you're growing. That's the people and if landmark feels that for you Go to an event and see how it feels like but remember You give your power away when you make your when you make your identity wrapped up In in someone else or something else that's giving your power away And by the way, some organizations are good at taking your power away, but that's really the journey, isn't it? Not to give your power away Honey says after no contact in the breakup. Is it okay to send emotional texts to dumper? You know what again, if you're if you're Partying with love then you can do whatever you want. Sometimes people don't have the inner strength And they're hoping they're sending that text for just a Dopamine hit from the other person if that's the reason for it, then I wouldn't recommend it Okay Siri says I hope I'm pronouncing it right now. Did you see it coming? you know, I have to really and because I don't want to You know, I I don't want to give You know a voice to some of the things I recognize throughout our relationship that wasn't Completely aligned. Okay. I do recognize some of those things um Now that it's come to fruition. I realize where we're misaligned. Okay you know Love love blinds us. Okay Love love does you know and I say it blinds us when we love someone we hold hope It's very common to hold hope that there'll be a shift You know, even someone like myself and you know whether there were red By the way, there were no red flags, you know, there were maybe some yellow flags, but there were no red flags There were a lot of green flags But there were no deal breakers. You see there were no deal breakers That's the difference. There were no deal breakers red flags means ask questions and as you explore a relationship You're asking questions about who this person is I feel like when I brought it to the attention to have the conversation I accepted that. Okay, so let me just say this When she came back from columbia, I knew something was off. I brought it. I brought it up And I I explored that it could have two outcomes. We'd either get closer together or it's time to move on I accepted both of those choices when I initiated the conversation I accepted that there was an opportunity to get us closer together or that we could move on So I was in a position to explore it from a place of accepting either one By the way, does any come on someone want to join me? Oh, okay. Jill is in the house How long should we wait before jumping back into another relationship? I know it's a personal decision But how do we know when you're ready? you know When you can when you feel love for the other when you can feel love for yourself And genuine love for the other person without attack without the attachment of wanting them back So whenever you don't are you you've let go you've let go of the attachment of them coming back You're loving yourself. You're loving them. That's when you're ready. Jill That could happen rather quickly you know and In our particular case, there's going to be still a little unraveling of the relationship because of logistics, so But I I've accepted that I have no holding space that she's you know that will I'm not trying to force her to reconcile. I'm not expecting her to reconcile and I'm loving myself and I'm loving her in the process Okay Melissa says I'm learning detachment way to go Siri says I so needed to hear this today bless you for the courage to share this you're very welcome Jane says separation of partner does feel like grief or detachment but with time it passes True Rose says jonathan's spitting some truth and fire and it burns. That's interesting Uh, you've caught me to believe that radical honesty up front is really the best way to go It proves so much insight into the other person way to go Doreen says I've done landmark as well. It's not a cult. I wish that rumor would end I agree Ellen says Sending you the biggest massive hugs and love take care of you wonderful man If you need support reach out to your lovely group. I have as well okay Let's see if we have any more questions Uh, let's see I know some of you have opinions around marie. Let me just say this You guys don't know what the fuck happened behind closed doors. I'm sorry I I I really don't appreciate some of your perceptions or projections And I'm I'm doing this out of protection for her because that's what a man does they protect their partner even though we're apart Okay, she is an amazing human being She's an amazing human being. She's a great partner. She is a great partner She showed up the best she could okay And she had a fucked up childhood and some fucked up relationships You know until you walk a mile in someone's shoes, don't criticize another person don't project And certainly if you haven't lived in my shoes, don't make any projections Because quite frankly the most amazing person I've ever got it. I mean I've experienced some amazing people My ex-wife was an amazing person my most significant relationship after my divorce was an amazing person And marie is equally in that category Um Jill wants to say thank you excellent answer feels right for me. I appreciate that Joe hannah has a question How do I share my previous experience? I've been divorced twice to my new date without throwing them under the bus great question You if you if you need to state a fact about what happened you state the fact and And and and and and is a plus sign and you share Taking ownership of how you were a contributor to the end of the relationship many of you do a terrible job at that guess what When someone doesn't take ownership in their part of the ending and I see that they're just deflecting it on the other person That to me is a person who hasn't evolved So um be careful Because you should never throw someone under the bus you could simply say you know what our relationship was misaligned We had different values. I was on a different path than him And we chose to part you know after x amount of years now if they want to get the specifics because they might need to Know the specifics. I think it's important to share but do it from a place of love not a place of judgment All right, this manager says I was seeing someone on and off for 10 years We could not seem to get it off on a relationship. He played He played anyway. Now it's back to confirm so folks Rabbi Nannis said said Rabbi Nannis Friedman said something the other day in the video I posted with him that was fascinating Every relationship Not in the container of marriage or the commitment container of marriage See basically every relationship that isn't marriage is casual and people can cheat They can mess around they can flirt with other people when you're in a casual relationship They can do whatever they want because there's no agreements between the two of you So if he played he messed around he was he was unfaithful you accepted it because you accepted something less than full commitment Folks, I really want you to lean into that for a second. You've accepted something without full commitment Don't settle for less than full commitment. Whatever that looks like for you um Jill wants to just share share with them when I've done landmark lots of uh did a lot of work years ago changed my life Thank you for that So folks Uh, I've been sweating up bullets. Look at this. I mean, I've just been sweating up a storm This has been tough on me. I know it may not seem that way May seem like there's a mask on No I'm really in a state of gratitude for all of this And I'm scared I'm scared I'm gonna miss her. I'm gonna miss her. I liked hanging out with her. We had fun together We our little kids played together I also recognize that We really came into our lives to heal Some deeper parts of us I think we knew it, you know, I think our souls knew I think we have a soul contract with each other And we fulfilled that contract and now it's time to move on transmute the relationship into its new form You know, I'll be candid with you. Oh, so let me share one last bit And I'll do this again tomorrow when I do my live stream. Hopefully I remember this. I went on the dating apps. Just a look Oh my god was I repulsed What I mean by it, let me be clear about repulsed I looked at every woman's profile and said I'm sending you love. I'm sending you love. I'm sending you love I'm repulsed by this methodology of meeting and connecting with people Now that sounds pretty strong. So let me pull back on that It just feels awkward. It feels draining. It feels uh, it feels like vomiting. Okay because I realize that The next person I meant to go on this journey with we will find each other in probably a more organic way Okay We'll find each other in a more organic way And I really do hold space that the work I do as a coach What I teach in my coaching is how I'm going to manifest A new amazing person in my life. I've already my ex-wife was a beautiful human being. We didn't work out I wasn't the right person then the next woman I met beautiful human being. I wasn't the right person She wasn't the right person for me Marie beautiful person We weren't it wasn't meant to go the distance And maybe the next person might not either that's okay, too But what I do know Is our current dating methodology is a clusterfuck and I'm going to continually be a voice of of encouragement and reason and hope and and and and hopefully knowledge Because many of you are embarking on relationships or experiences that are are causing you deep pain and suffering And until you get to the root of what's causing that you're going to experience it over and over again And let me share something with you I think throughout my whole life Until now I've adopted I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself I need you to love me so I can feel good about myself I need you to love me so I could feel good about myself and I even entered into this dynamic believing a relationship Would help me become whole And what I learned throughout this experience with Marie is I already was whole I just didn't believe it myself and just like neo in the matrix Sometime you have to go through the experience. You have to go through the hero's journey So you can believe your worthiness And I know for a fact I'm worthy and I'm inviting all of you to look in the mirror right now and soon as this podcast ends Go into the mirror in your bathroom and look at yourself and say I am worthy And I will do the work necessary so I become that beautiful juicy delicious person that will invite in that beautiful juicy delicious relationship in my life Can I get an amen? I invite that all for you All right, I think this will be a great place to wrap up video I hope you found value in it if you did please hit that like button Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel. Please hit that notification bell if you need some support Check out the links below to a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you Check out my group called midlife love mastery. Check out all the books. I recommend Including my own book what that can solve love. Anyway, follow me on instagram. Say hi to me I'm going to do my best to respond From the bottom of my heart. I want to thank you all and i'm going to end this broadcast as I always do First off give myself a big gigantic job the bear hug. I'm going to reach Look at those pit stains and give you a gigantic hug of love I'm going to ask you to turn to someone a pet a teddy bear pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives. I want to thank jill uh jill's in the house mismanager Jeanette Julia penny Uh flowers rose Give me freedom honey Ronnie dory dc kelly's mom sophie jona Johanna jona johanna Anna penny give me freedom. We already said that everyone. Thank you so much I really appreciate all your love and support saying you off with a big gigantic jonathan bear hug. Be well Thanks everyone. Bye now