 And what I encourage women to do is to become more empowered, let go of this masculine and feminine expectation and rhetoric and become empowered within yourself. This is why lately I've been reading the book. So there's this misconception that men are not interested in relationships and that they're emotionally incapable of even being in a relationship, that they have issues with emotional intimacy and such. And I just wanna say out loud, that is bunk, okay? Now, while that might be true for a lot of men, that isn't all men. So I wanna lean into this conversation today because the reality is, is human beings are rather dysfunctional? I'm gonna repeat that, human beings are rather dysfunctional. And this is true of men and women alike. This isn't singular to men. And yet, what I think is shifted in certainly in the last couple of decades, but certainly in the last 50 plus years, the need for commitment isn't as prevalent as it once was. I'm gonna repeat that, the need for commitment isn't as prevalent as it once was because of the ease of getting sex. I'm gonna repeat that, the ease of getting sex. And it used to be that, and I jokingly say this, but if a man wanted to get laid, he had to get married, he had to make the ultimate commitment, okay? Now, I'm not making this about men, but this was a choice that couples did because before birth control, there were consequences if there wasn't a union of two people. And certainly back 50, 60 years ago, before we lived in this disjointed society that we are in, at least here in the United States, more so than other parts of the world, there was tribe accountability that helped raise children and created a container for couples to be in a committed relationship. And that has certainly changed dramatically in the last 50 years and more so in the last 20 years because of the ease of getting sex. Now, with these devices, it's very easy to connect with someone, make some grand promises, actually have sex without little or no barrier to entry, little or no hurdles to jump in, jump through to have sex with someone. Now, here's the thing, everybody, you're free to do what you want. I'm just giving you my perception on this. I by no means suggest this is the truth. This is, you know, I'm a bit of a contrarian, so my advice is contrary to public opinion, but I'm here to say that if you want to really shift the narrative, then it starts by shifting the narrative within yourself. And here's the challenge for most women in particular, and I'm a dating relationship coach for women. I specialize in helping women learn how to vet for emotional maturity and how to ask the right questions in the early stage of dating to determine are you with that guy who genuinely wants a serious relationship or the guy that's gonna either be a user or someone who's gonna be a time waster and just spend time with you and not really commit. So if you need some support and help on that, check out the link below to a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you because that's my, I teach you how to ask the right questions based on your personality. So coming back to this empowerment piece, I believe women tend to operate in the dating realm or in the relationship realm I should say from a dependency, an energy of dependency. And I think this is literally bred into women, both biologically and instinctually because literally for 200,000 years, I want you to think about Neanderthals are 200,000 years old, okay? And literally for 200,000 less the last 50 years, women were predominantly dependent upon men for survival. And I also want you to think for 200,000 years up until 100 years ago, we didn't even have electricity. So our society has evolved in rapid ways that didn't exist for 200,000 years. And so think about this. If biologically speaking or instinctually speaking, a woman is dependent upon a man, even though she may not be anymore, I think it's just bred into you that way. And this is just, again, my speculation. I'm not suggesting this is the truth. This is why oftentimes women give their power away to men in relationship. And then it's hard to determine which are the guys who are serious about a relationship because there are really good men out there. There are good men, just a lot of bad daters. And what I encourage women to do is to become more empowered. Let go of this masculine and feminine expectation and rhetoric and become empowered within yourself. This is why lately I've been reading the book Why Men Love Bitches. And that stands for Babe in Total Control of Herself. Yes, okay. By the way, there's a link below to get all the books I recommend. When a woman's empowered, she can now sift through the dysfunctional men much easier. And if you're not familiar with my chart on emotional maturity and relationship skills chart, and this is not a fact, this is an opinion, and this is true for men and women alike, there's roughly 20% of the population that has clinical issues. And if you've been watching the Johnny Depp Amber Heard trial, you can see clinical issues being played out in court. And while I say over here, 20% of men and women are emotionally healthy and have good skills, I'm being rather generous here. Most humans are dysfunctional. And they're either moving towards one of these or moving towards, or they're coming from one of these to here, coming to one of these to here, or they might be reverting. So can you see how it is a clusterfuck out there? What a mess it is out there. And it's partially because many of you have been indoctrinated into the fantasy way relationships should be instead of a real understanding of the mechanics to a healthy happy relationship. And I say said before, the barrier to entry to sex is so easy that it requires no effort from men. This is why a lot of times guys are trying to invite you over to their home on the second date, which I'm guilty of folks, I'm guilty of this, because I'd like to have sex with a woman, I'm just gonna be candid with you. I am driven biologically to want sex. I can't help when I'm feeling in a state of lust or limerence to get out of my egoic lower chakra energy and actually sift to rise into the higher chakra energy of real love. This is why I recommend ladies before the penis goes inside the vagina, you read the book eight dates and you buy a copy for the guy and you read this before or at least start reading this before you begin a sexual relationship. And this is why I've indoctrinated what I call the dating vow, the dating vow. And if you haven't heard my dating vow, let me put it up here. The dating vow is basically, there's a saying, women are the gatekeepers of sex and men are the gatekeepers of commitment. So you create a vow because we no longer have the marriage vow, I'm here to offer a new solution to this called the dating vow. And in the dating vow, it's, look at here's the notes. It says the following, I agreed, and this is you both are saying this together. I agree to explore the process of getting to know you with the intent to declare something serious within the next three to six months. I agree to be monogamous sexually while we're having regular sex together. I agree to not actively seek and meet and date others while we're in the process of getting to know one another which includes I'll take down my dating profile. I agree to speak up if this isn't working for me versus pulling back ghosting or disappearing. And lastly, I agree to invest regular time in this process of getting to know you which looks like the following. We do social activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spend time with family and friends. Because ladies, if you don't know what type, if you're not familiar with the three different types of people actively dating today, you should check this chart out I created. Again, not a fact and opinion. There are either the users, the spenders or the growers and roughly 20% of the population of the users, those are the love bombers and players and the gold diggers and the entitled people. And then there's the spenders, they want connection, they want companionship, they want coupling with no direction uncertainty and they're fearful. And lastly, the 20% category of the grower and builders and that's what we're gonna talk about today are the grower and builders. Those are the ones that seek fully, they're seeking fully, oh, I gotta retype that. Seeking fully capable of commitment and ready to commit and they're ready to face their fears. I gotta fix this typo. Oh well, so what? All right, so let's just say for argument's sake, you're with a guy who's actually emotionally mature now, but you're kind of, or let's just say he's that spender type, he's right on the cusp of becoming a grower, that guy that you don't even have to second guess if he wants a relationship. How is he gonna show up? What's it gonna look like? How does he show he cares? Well, that's what we have today. Our seven ways men show they care when you're the one. So, and I want you to know ladies, these men do exist. Most men are good guys, most men are good guys. They're not as bad, even the dysfunctional men, even the spenders, they're not bad guys. And by the way, these percentages are equal for you women as well. Just because you have a propensity to want commitment doesn't mean you're any better at relationships. I know a lot of women that are absolutely dysfunctional and just because they want commitment doesn't make them better at being in a relationship. But when two relatively emotionally grown up people show up together, this is what it's gonna look like and I hope you like this. So number one, when a guy, here's some signs and he shows that he cares and he looks at you as the one. First off, he's protective. He's protective of you physically, but more importantly, he's protective of you emotionally. He is actually being mindful of your feelings. True care from a true, you know, ladies, I know you love the idea that men are the providers and protectors. Well, that used to be hunting the buffalo and protecting against neighboring tribes. Now, since women are capable of paying their own way, a true protector is a man who can emotionally protect your heart. This is why I highly recommend checking out this book, Emotional Intimacy by Robert Masters. Read this book so you can understand what true emotional intimacy is all about and why I recommend reading the book A Dates is because you can get a sense of whether or not this person will emotionally protect you right there fairly early on in the dating process because men who refuse to do work, men who refuse to do therapy, men who refuse to actually try to invest in the co-creation of the relationship, they're capable of companionship, connection, and fucking you, but that's about it because if they're not willing to go deeper then what the fuck is the point? Now listen, I recognize that many of you might settle for casual relationships. I get it, maybe a casual relationship is better than no relationship at all. I get it, and that's okay. I'm speaking to those who want to go deeper, that want something more from themselves. Those women who operate from a place of empowerment, those women that operate from a place of self-love. And if you're not familiar with my book, What the Heck Is Self-Love Anyway, a Journey of Personal Development, Self-Up in Spiritual Work, highly recommend checking this out, by the way, link below to all my books that I recommend. Why I'm recommending this is when you show up from an empowered place and a non-dependency place, you can actually be able to sift through the needles in the haystack or find that needle in the haystack much easier because you become the pin cushion. Okay, so number one, man shows he cares, he's not protective of you physically, he's also protective of you emotionally. Number two, he remembers things that you say, he remembers things you say, whether it's about your family, whether it's about your friends, maybe it's about your pet. Maybe you shared something about your pet that was very sweet and he can remember it. And he actually shares it to you at a later date. Men who genuinely care about you pay attention to the things that are happening into your life. In fact, they're thinking sometimes ahead, which I'm going to talk about that in a second, could be your work life, could be your children, whatever it is, they're actually actively listening and paying attention. Now, I can tell you that I'm a person that actively listens and pays attention, but sometimes my memory faults me. So this isn't an absolute that he's perfect at it, but he's actually paying attention and he'll come back to you later and share something that you said and you'll go, wow, he was really paying attention. Okay, number three, I love this one. He smiles when he sees you after a few days apart. He smiles when he sees you. So in other words, if you've been apart for a few days and you see each other, he actually shows up with a big gigantic smile. That's a great sign that a man genuinely cares about you and he sees you as something more than someone to get laid. There's just a sense of enthusiasm when he sees you. I remember in my most significant relationship, even after years of us being together and we would usually be apart from Monday. We would see each other. We'd be apart like Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and we'd get together Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday and I'd come back home Monday. That was our usual routine, but when I got to our house on Thursday or Friday night, I just had a big gigantic smile. I was excited to see her. That's someone who genuinely cares about you when there's enthusiasm when you see each other, when you've been apart for a few days. Number four, he ditches time with his guy friends to be with you. I know, listen, ladies, when I really like someone, I have no problem ditching my friends to be with the person I care about. Partially because I'm gonna get some nookie, which I'm always happy to have some nookie, but also when you genuinely care for someone, your friends know that, and by the way, ladies, you know it with your girlfriends, you do the same thing. When you genuinely care about someone, you kind of, now I'm not suggesting you make this a habitual practice, but it's certainly a good sign when he ditches his friends to wanna be with you. Number five, he doesn't get mad or angry even if there's a fight between you. He stays relatively calm. People that genuinely care recognize that there's going to be differences in relationship and those that are actually calm on the inside when there's a disagreement, it's because he really care, it's not about being right, it's about being happy. And really healthy relationships, no good conflict resolution skills. This is one of the reasons why I highly recommend this book, Eight Dates, because I want you to see something right here. One of the chapters, the second chapter in the book is called Agree to Disagree, Addressing Conflict. Do you see that there? Addressing Conflict, the book Eight, oops, the book Eight Dates. Folks, the reality is, is relationships are gonna have conflicts. There's gonna be differences of opinion. If you can't resolve them in a healthy, happy way, your relationship will turn into a Johnny Depp, Amber Heard type of scenario. So this is why I recommend these books over and over and over and over again. And ladies, just because you have a propensity to vomit your feelings doesn't mean you're necessarily good at communication skills. I highly recommend everybody reading the book, Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg, so you can learn better effective communication skills because when you're good at it, the guy will end up mirroring it. Ladies, I know you don't like the idea that you might have to train men, but I'm here to say you lead by example. That's what a healthy smart woman, that's what a bitch does. She leads by example. Number six, he thinks ahead if he knows you need help. And I was sharing this before, but coming back to pets, I remember my ex-girlfriend had two big dogs and the dog food she would get weighed like 40 or 50 pounds each bag. And so I knew this was heavy for her, so I used to go to the store and buy it for the dogs. So I could actually help. So just to help her, so she didn't have to carry it in the house, I'd go physically go buy it and then bring it back and bring it in the house. That's what a guy shows when he cares. And I know some of you might be thinking, what happened in that relationship? Look at relationships come into your life sometimes to teach you lessons. I had to learn a lot of lessons in that relationship. I wasn't fully ready and capable of being in a relationship back then. I mean a fully committed partnership relationship, but we each other, we healed each other's wounds. And this is why we remain pretty decent friends with one another. And number seven, he demonstrates his level of commitment with words and actions. So it's not just words, his actions demonstrate commitment. That is a man who genuinely shows he cares, not just saying we all the time, but he does it by showing up on a regular basis, calling you on a regular basis, planning vacations together, introducing you to family and friends, working on stuff together, and actually expressing the desire from a heart centered place of wanting something more than just something on the surface. And these are the seven ways men show they care when you're the one. Now, as I said before, there's a good chance you might end up with a user spender. I guess that happens a lot. That's because ladies, most of you operate from this dependency placed energy. This is why the women who work with me have such great success. I just got another phone call the other day from a client who said I met a great guy and they know the difference because they come at it from an empowered place. And listen, not all men are bad. Only a small percentage are true users and players. But there's a lot of spenders out there, a lot of dysfunctional human beings. So if you wanna sift through the weeds and I suggest reaching out to me to work with me to help you in that capacity. Otherwise I hope you got some value on the seven ways men show they care that you're the one. This is now since this is a live broadcast, we're gonna take questions from our audience here, our listeners and followers and such. And really quickly, if you know my format, if you have a question, post the word question, write the question there after or purchase a super sticker, super chat. All the monies from the super or super thanks if you're watching the replay, all the monies from the super sticker, super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son Connor Asley. That's him right there. That's my son who passed away a few years ago. Shit, it's coming up on four years now. And in his honor, I've started a scholarship fund to donate to causes like the Hoffman process, insight seminars and also to help folks defray the cost of personal development. So post, you can post a question or purchase a super sticker, super chat. While I'm waiting for questions, I want to address something that came up the other day from one of our followers here. And that has to do with masculine and feminine energy and polarity. Now folks, I know I beg on feminine energy coaches because all they do is tell you to lean back in your feminine and be claimed by a guy. That's my perception of it. I know I make a silly joke of it. Listen, a healthy human being has a good balance between masculine and feminine energy. Masculine means doing and feminine means receiving, or being. So when you're sleeping, you're in your feminine, you're just being there. You're not doing anything. When you go to work, you're doing something. When you're brushing your teeth, when you're doing something, when you're driving a car, you're doing something. Now there's this expectation that men are the doers and the women are the receivers. I have a real issue with that because a healthy human being is a yin-yang sign of healthy combination of both and you don't need this. And this idea of polarity, well, there's no fucking way to judge it. There's no way to judge the energy. Listen, and if it's talking about sexual polarity in the bedroom, if two people want to fuck, and I know you all would like me to say make love, but listen, this is just my way of saying things, just I use expletives to enhance a sentence. But if two people want to make love with each other, you don't need to figure out, well, am I a 72% of my masculine? Is she 28% of her family? No, I'm 82% masculine. She's 18% feminine. No, she's 19% feminine, but I'm only 50% masculine. How the fuck do you figure this out? Spending all this time trying to figure out bullshit when two people, if they want to fuck, you just fuck as far as sexual polarity, okay? And if a man has to be a certain way for you to surrender to it, look it. Most men are shitty lovers to begin with, but most women aren't necessarily picnics in this category either. Very few people have truly studied Kamasutra, Tantra is just breathing, but all the different forms of variety of love making is most people just fuck. That's just my opinion, okay? But that's my opinion about masculine feminine energy and that's why I beg on it so much because you don't need to learn that. What you need to learn more is human behavior. What you need to learn more is healing childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas that cause negative patterns and limiting beliefs in your life that cause you to choose dysfunctional people. And you need to start encouraging your partner to do this work. That's why don't spend any time on the masculine and feminine bullshit. And by the way, if you read the book, if the Buddha dated, if the Buddha dated throws out all the gender rhetoric and says, how can we show up as healthy human beings in the process instead of setting us up for failure because the bigger problem in relationship has nothing to do with masculine feminine energy. The biggest problem in relationships is terrible communication skills and trust. This is why I recommend these two books, Couples Communication Guide and How to Build Trust in a Relationship. Folks, if you want to improve your relationship overnight buy all the books I recommend and it will change your life like that. That's my rant and I'm sticking to it. All right, I think this will be a great place to wrap up today. I hope you found value in this. If you did, please hit that like button. Please share this with your friends. Please subscribe if you stayed this long and not a follower. Also, if you want to work with me check out the link to a free discovery call to see if working with a coach is right for you. And by the way, check out all the other links by Instagram, my podcast. And if you wanna join my private group if you can't afford coaching check out Midlife Love Mastery. Okay, I think this will be a great place to wrap up today. First off, I'm gonna give myself a big, gigantic Johnathan Barrett of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm asking you to turn to someone, Pet, Teddy Barrett Pillow and give it to them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives.