 Well, hello and welcome to understand men now. I'm your host Jonathan Asley of Jonathan asley.com And I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today our topic fifth wait Fifty percent of men and fifty percent of men are seeking this type of relationship. Should we do it this way? Fifty percent of men are seeking this type of woman. I should say so Really quickly before we get started if you have questions based on this video Please post a comment below. I do my best to read all of them. I try to respond to some of them So definitely if you have some questions write them down Okay, let's talk about the 50% of men who are seeking this type of woman And the reality is is well most of my channel is or most of my audience is those in midlife Which is after baby making years and before retirement So if you're 42 to 69 you're kind of in the right place Although I got to tell you a lot of 30 year olds are watching my content because I'm coming out I'm here as your big brother. So I'm the heart protector for women single-looking in love and those in relationship. So But what's unique about midlife is that as we get older our childhood wounds and traumas begin to surface our childhood wounds and traumas begin to surface and Certainly we have adult traumas people are going through divorce. They're going to some of them are going through contentious divorces sometimes they're going through issues at work, maybe there's a Volatility at their work. Maybe there's a lot job loss. Maybe someone's starting over in their life Maybe they have elderly parents that are going through some stuff Maybe they have their children that are going through some real serious kind of tough stuff and All of this emotional chaos is weighing on them emotional chaos is weighing on them And it's weighing heavy heavy heavy in their life and they're literally their life is like on quicksand Like in other words the life below them just the foundation below them seeps so weak and many of these men are either avoidant or Anxious love attachment styles or either avoidant or anxious a love attachment styles And if you're not familiar with the book Attached the book attached you definitely want to check this out because it talks more about how we attach to other people based on our Childhood patterning our childhood wounds. Okay, so I want to go deeper into this guy that his life is in chaos His life is literally struggling And what's so fascinating that there are so many women out there that are highly attracted to this kind of guy He's the kind of guy that has no problem being vulnerable. He has no problem Expressing what dysfunction is going on his life and what's sad in this particular case is many women hear this Is this if it's music to their ears? Ah, he's being vulnerable with me. That means he's emotionally mature and he's able to ride that You know that white horse into the sunset with me because he's vulnerable. He's emotionally available Bump bump bump. He's emotionally available because he's vulnerable And yet that's the furthest thing from the truth because what these men are Genuinely seeking or what they're most attracted to is that beautiful quality in almost all women that beautiful nurturing mother quality That nurturing mother quality that quality that says you're going to take care of me And men whose life is on weak foundation Want to be taken care of Because their life is such in chaos. So they gravitate to that beautiful woman Who's sadly an enable not an enabler per se, but a nurturer on some level there is enabling going on So what happens with these men they choose these type of women And what happens is they begin the relationship and all of a sudden You know what you're too good for me. I'm not ready for a relationship. You are you deserve someone better I'm gonna repeat that you deserve someone better I'm not ready for a relationship and it's because these men their lives are on weak foundation And ladies, you know this you've dated these guys. Listen, I was there I was there in my life. I was a train wreck after my divorce. I lost my quarter million dollar a year job Okay, which was my identity I was going through a divorce and then the market crash of 2008. I got a seven figure wipe out And I used to go to bed wishing I didn't wake up That's pretty sad because I have two children. I mean, sadly, I've now lost a child So but that's enough for another conversation. But those who follow my work know that that's my son Connor I always changed the pictures up, but I sadly lost him in 2018 But um, not but and I don't like saying but I always want to change it to and But when I look back to right after my divorce, I was a train wreck and women used to eat me up I mean in the dating process. I was so open and vulnerable I was able to lean in and share all my dysfunction and there were so many beautiful nurturing women that would just say I'm gonna covet you. I'm gonna take care of you and then sure enough as soon as I hit my Threshold of how much I could emotionally invest in the relationship. I was gone Because the foundation underneath me wasn't solid and there is probably 50 percent of men out there And that I know that's a high percentage, but and now that that 50 percent it varies There's the extreme men that their life is absolute quicksand and they're like they're like drowning in it They're drowning in it and then there's some I was like up to here But some that's a little bit lower. They're able to move through it and they because they have a plan They have a plan of moving through their dysfunction But be very careful because you might be thinking about the guy who's got a plan that's moving through his chaos That's one thing. He's still on a weak foundation But at least it's a lot better who's the guy who's just falling in and he's going to take you in for a ride And believe me. I've witnessed this so many times so many times in relationship That's why I want to encourage you to invest in your own personal development your own Emotional sovereignty and if you follow my work, I talk about my book Frequently what the heck is self-love anyway what the heck is self-love anyway as a way to Basically prepare yourself for those men who are in emotional chaos because when you're in a solid foundation of who you are Your own sovereignty You won't be attracted to those guys You will actually repel those guys because they're going to be afraid of you right from the get-go But if you haven't done the inner work, which i'm a huge proponent watch all my videos I bring up book after book after book Because when you're a solid in your own sovereignty You're going to repel those guys those guys you're going to lose interest in them right away Now, I know some of you will run for the hills from those guys. I get it You'll run from those guys right away great Because that high quality guy you're looking for Hey, his life may not be perfect, but the ground beneath him feels very Fairly solid and when it's solid they can actually build a house together with you that house of commitment that house of partnership that house Of a co-created relationship And that's the kind of guy you're seeking Don't seek those 50 percent of men seek those guys are in the other 50 percent whose ground underneath them is solid All right, as I said before I want to hear your questions on this Please post it below I want to hear your thoughts if this resonated with you if you've got more to say if you got a question post it And if you like my content you go god, I want to work with this guy. I want to talk this coach Okay, I'm a coach. It's what I do check out the link below to schedule free discovery call to see if coaching is right for you Okay, I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do giving you a big gigantic job at the bear hug if I have your consent Oh, thank you Wishing you a wonderful day. Thanks so much. Bye. Bye now