 From where I sit most human beings in the dating mating and relating realm Whether they're in their 20s or 30s or in the category that I work with and which is midlife Which is after baby making years and before retirement for so most of the people I speak to are in their 40s 50s and 60s the one constant I see within this dating marketplace is That most human beings are rather clueless. I mean, they're absolutely clueless when it comes to what does it take to make a successful relationship in fact I've referred to people being delusional, but what I think I'm really talking about. They're not creating false Well, some people are creating falsities in their heads certainly But there's so many people living in a fantasy realm and this is true of men and women alike Because everything we've ever learned about relationships is wrong Well, let me read let me read find that not everything we've learned but much of the way we envision Relationships is wrong because the that okay. The reason why I'm saying this and this will relate to our topic in a moment is that when Many women in their 20s and 30s oftentimes when they do mate with one another there's an outcome and That's basically to either make babies or to start a family I guess those are intertwined making babies and starting a family now Some people co-mingle funds because it's better to be two people than one out in the world I mean from a financial perspective, but the vast majority of 20 and 30 year olds are mating to start a family So the way they approach the dating process is so different for those of us in our 40s 50s and 60s and so I'm here to be the reality check is that most people are rather clueless as to what it takes to form a Healthy happy relationship because most everybody's indoctrinated in this idea Well, if we have chemistry fruit one another everything will magically work out and yet They're rather clueless to the mechanics of a healthy happy relationship and more so they're clueless as to true Compatibility because we have this fantasy if we have chemistry We're just going to be compatible with one another and more importantly Can we actually blend lives with this other person? especially these days when we're meeting via the internet via the Dating apps and oftentimes you're not meeting someone who lives in your town So you got to figure out how is this person's life going to blend in mine and more importantly? Is this person even emotionally mature enough to be in a relationship? And I know you ladies throw men under the bus men throw women under the bus because the vast majority of human beings have terrible relationship skills and What's worse is there's a lack of intentionality Intentionality because you know everybody's just you know just go out and have a good time. It's all about having a good time You know what don't worry about the outcome. Just have a good time Don't worry about the outcome. Just have a good time. It's all about having a good time Don't worry about the outcome and yet. Do you know the number one emotional health issue facing most everybody? I'm not good enough. I'm not lovable and I'm not likable and let me tell you something Dating triggers this wound like nobody's business because if you've had one experience It doesn't work out another experience that doesn't work out and another experience that doesn't work out and worse What if you invest your heart in someone and you feel and then they betray you or they betray the relationship in some way? Can you imagine how this wears on our psyche? Eventually many of you are experiencing what I'm about to share is this idea that you don't want to even invest in Putting yourself out there because love is a risk. Love is a risk. Why should I put myself out there? Love is a risk. I keep getting hurt every single time I get keep getting hurt This is why when I wrote my book what the heck is self-love anyway a journey of personal development self up in spiritual work By the way, there's a link below in the description to get my book and all the books I recommend is because it's important to start from a centered place If you're gonna put yourself out there if you want to be a good woman that you have to start from a centered place You have to you have to be in your self-worth your self-esteem your self-confidence your self-reliance and Yet sadly women are less happier today than they were 60 years ago Let me repeat that women of at least studies have claimed least here in the United States women are less happier now than ever before and I was listening to a woman who's a I believe she's an evolutionary Psychologist, I don't remember her Credential so please forgive me But she did a video on YouTube called stop blaming men stop blaming men and it's it's a four or five minute video Wait a minute. Let me find it while we're talking because I want to encourage you all to check this out I'll try to put it in I just watched it earlier this morning It's called here So it's called here, I'm just putting it out on the screen. Hopefully you can see the stop blaming men and It's only four minutes and 43 seconds long. I highly recommend checking it out I'll put the link later when we finish up today But what she was talking about that fascinated me and this relates to good women is that literally up until about 50 or 60 years ago before the the the What's the word I use the The desire for gender equality Men kind of hung out with men and in the workplace and in their lives and women hung out with women in their lives This is her narrative. Okay. I'm What happened is the minute we started to blend these two together the the this created gender confusion amongst this the Sexes this created gender confusion and so men are trying to conform with women women are trying to conform with men And this is brand new in our history as human beings. I want you to think about this Cave man days the the Neanderthals go back 200,000 years 200,000 years up until 50 years ago Men tend to congregate with men and women tend to to congregate with women and all of a sudden in a nanosecond in history That's changed and as she claims it's an experiment that was still trying to be unraveled right now and This is why we are in such a state of Confusion when it comes to romantic love I mean, can you see this? I mean we as a as a human species Literally up until 200,000 years ago and think about it. We have only had electricity for a hundred years The world was completely operated differently now I know many of you might say it was very Misogynistic and patriarchal and such and and there's certainly some things within Patriarch and and certainly there are misogynistic men and women were treated like property that needed to be corrected But what's happening is this push to try to put the genders together in so many ways is is is creating a lot of confusion And it bleeds into the romantic Relationship realm because we no longer have to get married to get laid It used to be up until 50 or 60 years ago If you wanted to get laid you had to get married and that changed everything sex the freedom of sex Changed everything and now men don't have to be intentional anymore. We don't have to be sex is practically free What I mean by free is you don't have to buy the cow You don't have to lease the cow. You don't even have to go on the farm You can just go on the internet and literally get hooked up with somebody or you can hook up with pornography in a nanosecond And this is why men are no longer Intentional anymore and this is creating a lot of confusion This is why many of you have heard about my dating vow my dating vow and I'm not gonna recite Well, I'm gonna recite it with you I'm just gonna share it with you because this is critically important understand I'm posting it here But the dating vow is an agreement that before you have sex together that you have Deeper conversations with one another to determine. Are you gonna be monogamous with one another? Are you gonna agree to exclusively see each other? Are you going to do this with some level of intentionality and are you gonna agree if it doesn't work out that you know? Ghosts and disappear with one another and you agree how to explore this relationship and So many of you are so fucking naive to this and you wonder why you know The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results This is why you know, it's interesting the person who invented e harmony neil clark warren He wrote a book called two dates and he out By the way, you may not like his website But what I like about this book is it talks about The 25 areas of compatibility that create relationship success And many of you are just cavillirling well Jonathan I just need to sit back to my feminine energy and just be claimed by guys this whole idea that you just do fucking nothing And you're gonna get claimed by a guy. What fantasy world are you living in? Who are these intentional men that you expect to claim you by the way? Because the vast majority the dating pool is made up of users spenders and growers by the way This is not a fact It's an opinion the users of the love bombers The players the the gold diggers the entitled people those selfish people that only care about themselves and the spenders are those people that are dysfunctional They want companionship connection and sex But they have no real certainty about how to go about it They're afraid to love and they have a dysfunctional life and the growers and builders are such a small percentage of the population And yet you all want that person And you're competing for it Let me just say this ladies if you think about it If 100% of you women want 20% of the population 80% of you aren't going to get those guys Because you're competing for it whether we like it or not. We're in competition to some degree now I don't like that narrative. So i'm not a fan of it But what it means is is showing up as your best self and not the fantasy version you have of your best self Because many people are living in a delusional world about their best selves I know this because i've been operating from a delusion in my own life for years And it's taken really peeling the onion It's taken really looking at healing the traumas the childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas that happen in my life And let me just say this we all experience childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas And if they go unhealed you're going to repeat patterns over and over and over again This is why I continually recommend the book the hoffman process And whether you do the hoffman process or insight seminars or something do some work To heal from the past because you're going to relive These experiences Thinking that you're a good woman the title of this is why do men push good women away? A lot of you are in this fantasy realm that you're a good woman. And now let me be clear Men are no picnic either. Okay, let me be clear about this men are just as jackasses just like you women are clueless Okay, they're jackasses because they're clueless And i'm here to draw this attention to it. That's why I love when I get calls from my clients Jonathan, I'm making we are reading the book eight dates before that penis ever gets to go inside my vagina This book is called eight dates by doctors john and julie gotman read chapter one before the penis ever gets to go inside the vagina Because sex Is the okay, here's the thing Man you you guys have this belief that men are hunters like they walk around going. I want a relationship I want a relationship and these men are hunters and they're going to pull out their bow and arrow And they're going to hunt for a relationship What fantasy world are you living in men are hunters because we want to fuck your brains out? That's what we hunt and by the way We stopped being hunters. We became a What's the word? We became more farm oriented, you know much past the caveman period So, you know the reality is is you guys have this you hear this dating coaching advice Men are providers protectors and they're hunters and they're just supposed to do all these things. That's the bullshit you hear Do you know the bullshit men here women must be subservient agreeable and you know fit and friendly That's the that's the narrative men are hearing about you women And no wonder it's a shit show out there. No wonder men push good women away because the reality is Is that we as human species are rather dysfunctional? Our emotional maturity and relationship skills is rather weak and if you haven't seen my chart in other words This is not a fact in opinion emotional maturity relationship skills 20 of the population has clinical issues And while I say 20 percent are healthy. I'm being generous. We're dealing with the dysfunctional realm Because of unhealed traumas and wounds Is this sinking in I repeat my by the way I know you guys are tired of hearing me say the same thing over and over again First off there's new people watching my channel every day So they haven't heard some of the older videos and for those that are regulars. I repeat myself to drill this shit in your head You are I'm encouraging you to read these books Start with my book first So you can actually do a better job At picking a person and if you need additional help schedule a discovery call with me I'm a coach My job is to teach you what questions to ask a guy in the early stages based on your personality to determine If he's emotionally mature enough to be in a relationship with you and my clients are Experiencing amazing results. I just I shared earlier this year, you know, like two engagements five new relationships All in the last few months from women who work with me So again, check out the link to a discovery call. All right So why do men push good women away? It's first off you have to recognize with what i'm about to share It's like I'm giving you the red flags that occur before you even need to date someone So i'm literally giving you the red flags to pay attention to okay By the way, is this syncing in if it is please hit that like button Please share this video and please subscribe to my channel if you're brand new Okay, please hit that subscribe button Okay, so why do men here's my notes you guys know I like to show my notes All right, first off He fears getting close He has a fear of love. He has childhood wounds and traumas or adult traumas that have gone unhealed How do you know this? You simply ask about their childhood and you say you ask a question How when you hear the backstory you say, how did you heal from that? Whether it's therapy whether it's a workshop Folks today Therapy should be part of everybody's repertoire and some and by the way I don't mean that they went to a marriage counseling for the ending of a Relationship kind of therapy. I'm talking about individual therapy If someone hasn't done some personal development self-help or spiritual work That's a red flag and i'm talking about you as well Okay, because it's rare that someone had a perfect childhood It's rare that someone had a perfect childhood and if they did believe me they had fucked up shit happened. They're probably Got a bypass going on. They're not even aware of how Shit that's happened. Okay, so They have a fear of getting close of fear of love because they have unresolved childhood wounds and traumas And that's why a man will push away a good woman Number two He's going through chaos in his life. He's stressed out maybe as a contentious divorce Maybe as a contentious ex-spouse. Maybe as children that are problematic Maybe as work issues. Maybe as health issues. Maybe as elderly parents that are giving him grief If the ground underneath them doesn't feel solid And his life's in chaos. He can push a good person away Remember I said he probably is a spender. He wants companionship connection and sex, but he's not capable of anything deeper number three He's uncertain about long-term commitment. This happens frequently with divorced men divorced men typically not always but typically The last thing they want is a long-term commitment because they just got out of one But the other thing that divorced men don't know about and these guys are clueless to this They don't know the mechanics to a healthy happy relationship because they've never rarely have ever experienced one This is why coming back to another John Gottman book even though this is about marriage You should be reading the seven principles of making a marriage work This is a guide to how to form a healthy happy relationship even if you don't get married But if a guy doesn't have a roadmap, he's just this is how he's dating. He's dating like this He's dating like this, you know, he's just oh, wow. That's kind of interesting. Oh, that's kind of nice Oh, yeah, she has a vagina. I like to I like to have sex with her But I have no direction. So I'm just gonna have sex with her whenever I want When people don't have a direction, they're like trying to drive from Los Angeles to new york without a gps Without a thomas brother guide without a map without a compass. They're gonna be all over the fucking place And that's usually what happens with men after divorce number four He's uncertain if he really cares about you Let me just say this Love and chemistry is a fickle fucking thing. You can really like someone Really like who they are. You can like what they do for you can like everything about them, but Chemistry and love is a fickle thing and sometimes even when you're with a good person And you like everything about about them You know my I shared this story in a previous video, but I might 26 year old son was in a relationship for six months She was perfect. His mother loved her. I loved her. She was perfect But for some reason He just wasn't feeling it here and as much as he tried to It just wasn't there and sometimes That block that fear that uncertainty you try you try your hardest But at some point you have to be honest with yourself sometimes it's just not there Ladies you've experienced that with great guys And we men have experienced this with really good women. Sometimes it's just not there And lastly He doesn't know how to be in a relationship This might be the biggest problem of all humans because they don't study this shit folks I know you guys like me a lot. You like me because I'm a communicator. You like that. I'm vulnerable. You like that I'm authentic. You're transparent. Believe me. It's because I've been swimming in this shit for a decade And I still barely touch the surface believe me. I make all kinds of mistakes The only thing I have going for me is I've learned to be authentic Vulnerable authentic and transparent that vate vulnerable authentic and transparent, but believe me I still have all of these feelings the most important thing to me is to be honest Not honest. It's not about honesty I actually Think about the other person's feelings In other words, I genuinely think about the other person's feelings More so not more than my own, but I make sure that if I feel like it's material to the relationship I'm going to speak up and that And ladies you guys you you think you speak up But I'm going to tell you your number one fear is speaking your truth Because you're afraid he'll break up with you. You guys habitually are afraid sometimes you're afraid to break up with him because you're afraid of hurting him Sometimes you're afraid to speak up because you're afraid he's going to leave you If you can't speak your truth, then you're just as dysfunctional as the men that I've been talking about Is this sinking in are you getting this? So what's the solution to all this? First off purchase every book I talk about and start with this book after you purchase mine Read the book why men love bitches Bitch stands for babe in total control of herself. Yes Because this is an empowerment book stop giving your power away to men and start because you are in charge of your relationship destiny not the guys And when you take charge of your life Oops, I might slip off of my chair when you take charge of your life. You have a greater chance of relationship success Oh and believe me as we age it's a clusterfuck out there So are women coming back to what I said are women happier? I got to tell you something we are going to only be happy when we learn our individual empowerment And stop worrying about it as a gender role and start focusing it as an individual role Because let me tell you this I want you to read one more book before we take q&a Read the book why if the buda dated this throws out all the bullshit gender rhetoric And starts focusing on how to connect with someone at a heart centered level And that's my invitation for you stop with the stop listening to the dating advice. That's game playing and all Manipulative and no contact and you know lean back and don't give them this and you know, just read this book It'll change your life. That's my invitation for you All right, if you agree with me say jonathan, I agree with you and give me a thumbs up All right, I think this would be a great place to start with our q&a those who know my format know If you have a question write the word question then post the question there after or purchase a super sticker super chat All of the monies from the super sticker super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son connor asley That's him there. That's him there. That's my son who passed away. I'll be coming up on four years in july From the day I record this video tomorrow is his 23rd birthday. We celebrate as a family I start this scholarship fund to give to to all the monies from the super sticker super chat and the super Thanks goes to the hoffman process insight seminars And also helps to defray the cost and if you're listening to the audio portion of this You won't see any of the chat boxes, but certainly you can reach out to me if you want to donate uh via paypal All right, so time for questions Let's see what we have here Okay, oh by the way, I noticed we already had some super stickers, so I want to thank uh really quickly I want to thank uh colin For the four dollar 99 cent super sticker. Thank you so much speech girl. Thank you for the nine dollars and 99 cents Thank you so much. It's very sweet. I also want to thank uh I want to thank uh Dina dina Question below. Oh I don't see your question below Uh, where's your question? Oh, here we go so I dated down Caught him watching porn I asked him why doesn't he have sex with me. He said he's not sexually attracted to me So I don't see a question there so But I want to first off thank you again for the super stickers So I don't like the narrative that you dated down that implies that you're better than someone and I've never really liked ever Comparing myself either above or below someone. Okay, so just right off the bat. I don't like that Now with respects to catching him watching porn and you asked him why he doesn't have sex and he said he's not sexually attracted to me The real question is why are you asking this question? Why does this matter? Is this person occupying space in your life? In your mind because he certainly is enough for you to ask this question Because if a man if a woman ever told me she's not sexually attracted to me, do you know what my next four letter word is? n e x t next If someone doesn't want to fuck my brains out and jump in bed with me and want to suck my cock and do all the Things I love in the bedroom and allow me to go down on her and give her multiple orgasms where she spurts And I know I probably offended a bunch of people right now. Oh my god. He was so graphic there Then why is he occupying space on this? broadcast right now Move on next by the way everybody. Do you agree with me tell say jonathan? You're right You know, I'm telling you the right advice move on. Don't let him occupy space. That's my invitation for you Thank you so much for the nine dollar nine nine cents super sticker. I really appreciate it All right, I saw we have another super sticker from barbara Wow, thank you so much. The connor fund is so excited for his birthday. Let's donate some money for his birthday That would be so awesome all right Oh, here we go dale writes. Okay question So what should we do when they push us away? I think I know I'm going to do it now All right, great question because I didn't address this in the broadcast. What should you do? Listen folks I was talking to a friend of mine earlier today and she was sharing with me She felt betrayed in her marriage Betrayed not because he was unfaithful because he chose his daughter over her And he she felt betrayed because he made promises To go the distance and then he ended the relationship And she feels very afraid to love she feels very afraid to put herself out there And it feels terrible when someone pushes us away Because we might start to second guess ourselves. We might start to doubt whether or not we are worthy of love And the real journey is an inner journey So what I want to suggest dale There's an amazing book. Oh my phone fell down. There's an amazing book by Marianne Williamson called return to love by Marianne Williamson If a man ever pushes you away, I want you all I want you reading this book. Anyway, this is the cd version I should just buy a copy of the book for the videos This is an amazing book to learn how to return to loving yourself when things don't go the way we want Because the real miracle in life A real miracle is how can we shift from something negative To love That's a real miracle. How can we take a negative experience and find our way to loving ourselves? And so I love the way Marianne Williamson crafted in this book And that's when a good man pushes you away The invitation is to immerse yourself in your empowerment And this book should be something read regularly read regularly read it regularly It's an amazing buy the cd and listen to it buy the audio and listen to it. It's such an amazing empowerment book And that's my invitation for you So that's what I recommend because there's no listen I could give you this texture x-back kind of bullshit or I could tell you to say this mantra and everything We'll just magically work out. No when we get hurt. We have to heal from it Not when we get hurt because that sounds like a victim when we feel When we feel hurt The most important thing to do is to love on ourselves To love on ourselves All right, dale. Thank you so much for that question. I appreciate it And even though sandra says he's probably an avoidant attachment style. So what he is. All right, what's the benefit? Okay, it's over What's the point of doing anything about him? Focus on yourself By the way, I mean, yes, it's good to know these things and well, by the way, I apologize sandra Let me reframe that read up about Avoidant attachment style in the book by amir levin and rachel heller Attach so you understand what was going on because it'll help you get healing for yourself So i'm going to rewind what I said purchase that book after you read return to love Everybody is this making sense? Is this resonating? Give me a thumbs up all right Speech girl says question My boyfriend is great in every way But by the way, the minute you write a but you negated everything you can say and Not that affectionate. So folks instead of using but And not that affectionate because the but negated everything that was said, okay Not touchy feely. Is there a way to help him be more affectionate? great question you know Not everybody's love language is okay So I I would recommend reading the book together the five love languages read this book together the five love languages The five love languages are words of uh affirmation. By the way for us leo's it's words of adoration We like to be adored physical touch quality time access service and gifts He's probably not a physical touch guy. He probably demonstrates love a different way So what you could do is read the book and talk about the chapter here. You can get the book Go to chapter on physical touch Okay, bear with me physical touch chapter Chapter seven page 99 and talk about it together folks You have to become intentional. You have to start expressing yourselves when you're not getting your needs met So this weekend A dear friend to a couple that i'm dear friends with said jonathan, would you mediate? An issue we have between us I said, okay And they shared and I don't want to get in the particulars But they shared what was going on and I got to tell you there was yelling and screaming going on this conversation I was on the phone for three hours. I mean I held a lot of space And in that They were so angry and so divided that they weren't able to find their middle Now Once I helped them connect the dots to the middle. They began communicating with one another My point in sharing the story is once they got out of their Egoic side and they start to connect with their heart They were able to communicate in what's known as a non-violent way And I recommend this book non-violent communication by marshal rozenberg folks the vast majority of humans Don't know how to express themselves in relationship. You guys are terrible at it By the way a follow-up companion book is called. I hear you these are great techniques to learn how to talk about listen Being sigh, okay, I get that you want affection. That's great Now you've got to express it, but you don't know how well, I can't give you some simple technique You've got to learn this shit This takes years to learn to be able to be Vulnerable authentic and transparent and most of you are just as bad as men You just have a capacity to vomit your feelings in a lot of words words words words that come out of your mouth Like vomit, but doesn't necessarily mean it's seen heard and understood So learn how to do this shit and I know you don't like me yelling at you And I'm yelling because stop living in the fantasy that you're good at this shit By the way, men are terrible at this shit, but you can lead by example You can lead by example All right, thank you so much for your question speech girl. I really appreciate it All right We got a lot here Janet says Jonathan, you are so funny sometimes. Thank you, sweetheart. I appreciate it. I adore you. Thank you so much All right, let's see what we got here. Do we have a question? Ah, here we go question In an online scenario, how is pushing away defined? I ended it because he only wanted sexy pics My question is if he if in your therapy experience, there are any men who can evolve from this um Here's the deal when you are a babe in total control of yourself It gives him the opportunity to choose his needs Or your needs I repeat that He the sexy picture. He's focused on his needs when you stand in your standards and your boundaries It's a binary choice. He can either want to take care of your needs non sexually or he's going to focus on himself Nine out of ten times. He's fucked up and he's focused on himself But yes, there's the exception to the rule just like the broken clock So does it happen sometimes most of the time's not Sorry about that I hope that helps Tala, however you pronounce your name. Thank you so much Dale says, thank you. Thanks. I read and listen to that book and I'm loving myself way to go Dale. I'm glad to hear that Um and coming back to you tally however, however, how are we pronounce your name? Uh A relationship is a lot more than just the sex. You have to learn how to connect at an intimate level This is why I highly recommend reading the book emotional intimacy by robert masters Folks it's time to become more aware of emotional intimacy You ladies are just as bad as men at this And you are the leaders of the relationship you have to inspire men Whether you don't like hearing this. I know you want gender equality. You want guys to just be perfect. They're not So stop expecting that Start recognizing that you are the leaders of the emotional leaders of the relationship And you are in charge of your destiny. Stop giving your power away to men I yell and scream because I get angry at your Nativity you guys act so naive But jonathan, I just want to lean back in my feminine. Do you fucking nothing? You're gonna have to do a lot of fucking work to be prepared To be in a juicy delicious relationship and you're gonna have to learn out of that for those guys who are ready And that starts by being radically honest God stop being passive start being radically honest with people. That's your key to relationship success Can I get a name in? All right. Thank you. I sometimes feel like a preacher Uh, don't forget to purchase a super stick or super chat All right, I saw a question here. Oh, sarah john writes My sister's name is sarah and my name is john. So there we go question There was this guy who I went out with he's so nice a good gentleman He was so he was nice a good gentleman But on his insta story, he posts mean stuff and disrespectful things about women So I'm in front of him and he didn't like it Of course, he didn't like it. You never confront somebody Never ever ever ever confront someone ask. I'm really curious It seems like your posts about women are derogatory. Is that true? Don't ever confront someone because he's not going to be nice And he didn't like it. Of course nobody likes to be confronted But asking a curious question gives you a sense of his emotional maturity Folks By the way, one of the fundamentals in this book I hear you the surprisingly simple skills to extraordinary relate behind extraordinary relationship Is learning to ask questions in stent of confronting Is this sinking in? I hope so All right. Thank you for your question sarah john. I appreciate it Let's see Oh, let's go swimming. Let's keep swimming Um Speech girl says gotcha. Thank you going to get those books you rock. Do you go live the same time every week? Actually really quickly. I've been switching up. I I'm trying to do later in the evening I'm trying to do five or five thirty instead of my four o'clock pacific coast time It's just um, I get kind of tired at the end of the day I start to drag but I know we get more of an audience later So I am mixing it up, but it's usually summer between Four and five o'clock mondays and wednesdays and on fridays because I hang out with the guys It's usually three o'clock pacific coast time. Everything is pacific coast time all right Tally says thank you jonathan. I read the books My name is talia. Okay. I really appreciate the advice too. It validates my deep feelings too thumbs up way to go Uh Justine says I love the book recommendations. You're very welcome. Oh speech girl just gave us another nine dollars and nine nine cents Thank you so much All right, if you have a personal question of me you can ask a personal question of me Uh, maryland says question was the above was was up above the super sticker Okay, I don't see maryland your question cut and paste it and post it again because I don't see it Uh, let's see. I'll scroll back up See if there's a super sticker. Bump bump bump. I didn't see it. Sorry um Oh, here's paris. I don't think I answered this question question I recently told a friend of mine. I'm interested in dating him. He seemed interested actions met effort He kissed me and then pulls up pulls away. How do I ask him where he is in this process? That's funny. I think I told you all about my long distance Potential relationship and it's interesting after our first great first night. I found myself pulling away Um, here's the thing You can simply say I'm just saying it's natural for a guy to pull away. Okay, we get scared Okay, you can simply say something like this I sense I sense you feeling a little distant with respects to us. I sense you feeling a little distant which I can understand Which I can understand You know relationships are kind of scary So i'm just checking in with you. How are you feeling? It's a question start a dialogue I sense you pulling back a little bit which I understand Relationships can be kind of scary Or dating can be kind of scary or intimacy can be kind of scary. And so and that's okay I feel a little scared too Where do you think you're at just ask a question start a conversation begin a dialogue folks Stop being so passive All right, I think you get the gist of where I feel on that Paris. I hope that helps all right Uh and marianne, I don't see your question. So if you post it again, hopefully I'll see it Oh wait, there we go. Marilyn huggins Question is it worth moving closer to a man who says he loves me and misses me but recently stresses in his life Has resulted in pulling back a bit so I feel like Always just go to the 50 yard line if he's at the by the way two people should start at the 50 yard line If they pull away you just hang at the 50 yard line Now that might mean you're you're living your life You're doing the things that matter to you but never cross that 50 yard line to pull someone back To the 50 yard line don't ever do that Just hang at the 50 yard line and see if he reaches, you know And by the way, sometimes it takes weeks for this shit to develop It takes a good three to six months to develop a really solid relationship of trust It takes a time it takes time to develop trust. So just recognize that that's part of the process Okay, I hope that helps marianne. Thank you Oh Sandra says hey jonathan the gothmans also have a free app deck with all sorts of questions that a couple can share We're going to try one of those on our dates. So great point. You brought up Folks, this is called card decks you get it on you get it on The play store or i iTunes or wherever this is by the gothmans. It's called card decks. So question Um Open-ended question. So here's one. What do you want your life to be like in say in three years? I don't like that one How do you see your work changing in the future? That could be an interesting one How do you feel about our physical our physical home? Any architectural changes you'd like to make that's for married couples How would you compare yourself as a mother father to your own mother father? Oh, that's interesting How would you compare yourself to your mother or father? So this is called card decks great questions to uh, have conversations with and again Go to the apple or play or apple store or play store. Okay, great, uh, sandra. Thank you for bringing that up Uh Sandra says do we email you at support address at your website? Yes support at understand men now Or you can go to schedule a discovery call with me by checking the link below. It's jonathan asley dot com forward slash coaching Okay, kimberley writes. Hey kimberley, how you doing, sweetheart? Do you have a lot of experience with women who find Who you find to be users and gaslighters? Yeah, I've experienced a lot of women who are users and gaslighters. Yeah, I have I think of I'd say 20 percent of women population are users or gaslighters and I've experienced my fair share of them So Um, and it sucks it sucks being with a user It just sucks and sometimes they come disguise a package that seems like they're givers But they're covert users or takers or gaslighters. It really sucks usually um trying to think Sometimes you just got to go on the journey and see what happens Sometimes you just got to because ultimately everything is happening for you and not to you So great question kimberley. Thank you. This might be our last question today unless you guys have a personal question of me. So Justine Justine says question. What can a woman do if a guy wait, what? Can a woman do if the guy that is pushing the good woman away is her husband? Oh See i'm a big proponent of couples before I'm a big proponent that once people are three months to six months in their relationship They start doing couples counseling like this is in the dating process. So you can avoid shit like this um Couples counseling is going to be really hard But that's where I probably would be the step to go just like when that couple reached out to me for some advice um I do believe finding a good mediator in your lives people that know you like in this particular Okay, so earlier I shared the story of a couple who's a married couple or friends of mine And they wanted me to mediate a situation Now I use the word mediate because therapy is all about therapy doesn't look at Mediate is basically saying this is my okay. I'm choosing how the two of you should act here They're giving me permission to tell them how much how how fucking how much they had their head up their ass Mutually they both had their head so far up their fucking asses And I said this to them. I didn't do the whole Transformational coaching and being nice and sweet. I'm like fucking pull your head out of your ass And this is your reality check. Okay, you guys are in your 50s Do you want to get divorced over this stupid thing and be single and putting yourself out there? Are you gonna fucking work on this from a place of love? Stop being in your corners And I had to tell her that she was being a little bit Controlling of him and he was being unappreciative of her and I had to tell them that Now what if they take if they take it on face value that I was actually coming from a heart-centered place And they're gonna listen which they did because they wrote me both separately later thanking me Is you've got to find a Mediator a confidant somebody that can get in the middle and can help the two of you communicate with one another until you build that up But most of you are in dysfunctional fucking relationships And then you're hoping somehow magic fairy dust is going to change everything listen Start being intentional and whether you've been married for 30 years or you're just starting the date be intentional And that's my invitation for everyone. Thank you so much. Justine. I appreciate it big hugs to you by the way I know it sucks especially since it's your husband Oh Jim says Question from julie de fino. What does a man mean when he wants a no label? relationship Means he's not intentional. He doesn't want to be he doesn't listen folks I'm gonna wrap up with my dating vow folks before the penis ever gets to go inside the vagina You must agree To explore a relationship together you must agree to be monogamous sexually you must agree To only date each other exclusively which means calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend It means you agree that if you're not if this isn't working for you you agree To tell each other instead of ghosts disappear or pull away and lastly you agree to a schedule of how you're going to make this work That's being intentional. That's what a good woman does That's what a good man does and if you ain't doing this your chance of relationship success are mediocre at best Is this sinking in is this resonating? Please let me know ah Oh, by the way, I noticed jennifer says the hoffman process has daily grad two posts from 11 a.m The 9 p.m. The hoffman process you should all be reading this book The hoffman process to heal Or go to the actual seminar like I did All right, folks. This is going to be a good place for me to wrap up today. Let me see uh Okay, this is so fucking funny dale. You're gonna laugh question. Have you had a testosterone screening? irony I went into the doctor today Because the last time I went into that blood work I asked have my testosterone check and it turned out they didn't do the check So I had to go in and do another blood test again. So that was done today dale talk about irony I hope it's I hope it's doing good. Anyway Uh, all right, uh, kimberley king says are you I'm not in a relationship. Are you available? Well, technically I am available But there is a woman that I do actually like and I hope to see her in nine days or less All right Are you gonna purchase by the way? Did you like the content if you did say? Yes? I liked your content. Please like this video. Please share it Please subscribe if you're brand new to my channel Please check out the link to a free discovery call with me Check out my group called midlife love mastery check out my instagram page check out my podcast and everything If you want to connect with me, you can write me at support at understand men now or go to my website I hope I provide value for you. I hope I'm making a difference in your life Ah All right, we're gonna wrap up this video as I always do first off giving myself a big gigantic job to embarrass yourself love I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone a pet teddy bear a pillow and give it or them a hug of love Because hugs are a great source of love and let's face it. We could all use more love in our lives I want to thank jack lean and jeena jeena says what's your favorite song? Joe jackson, you can't get what you want until you know what you want one of my all-time favorites Heather's in the house angel Pamela speech girl talia carry jennifer katalina sarah john sherry lin Ja Wanda Dale Uh crafty Kimberly everyone. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart I am so grateful for you and please let me know if I'm making a difference in your life Please let me know. Thank you so much wishing you a fab evening. Have a good one. Bye now