 Colgate Dettelgream to clean your breath while you clean your teeth and help stop tooth decay and Luster cream shampoo for soft glamorous caressable hair bring you our miss brooks starring Eve Arden Another comedy episode of our miss Brooks. Well the past few days haven't been easy ones for our miss Brooks Who teaches English at Madison High School? It seems that she has called upon to assume additional duties whenever mr. Conklin Madison's beloved principal loses a secretary at breakfast Thursday morning miss Brooks discussed her plight with her landlady It's not only the added work that bothers me. Mrs. Davis. It's mr. Conklin's temper I know Connie as good as a natural born sour bowl Lemon flavored No wonder he can't keep a secretary. Why do you realize that since the fall term started? He's lost three of them three secretaries in a month How is that possible? Well the first one lasted a week She quit because she couldn't stand is yelling the second one quit after four days for the same reason and the third secretary left before she even started Why did the third one quit? She heard sour balls screaming at the second one He has another one coming over today and believe me. It's not a minute too soon You've been doing an awful lot of extra work this past week has mr. Conklin given you anything for it He's giving me plenty, but I just don't listen What annoys me more than anything else though is his latest suggestion that I need glasses Glasses, but your vision is 20-20 isn't it sure sure At least as far as I know But I made a few mistakes in typing yesterday and he insisted that I stop in at an optometrist this morning and get a prescription for glasses Well There's nothing serious about wearing glasses now here eat your apple fritters. I'll say they look good What's this brown stuff next to them? That's apple butter or if you'd rather have apple jelly that's in this dish over here near the picture of apple juice See I'm celebrating national apple week this morning. I would never have guessed Oh That's Walter Denney's going to drop me at the optometrist this morning the doors open Walder come on in You think you'll want something to eat. You'll want everything to eat Is this I see before me apple fritters, here's a fork fill your face How about you miss Brooks? I don't feel very hungry this morning Walder the possibility of my having to wear glasses has gotten me down I guess I think that's absurd myself. I wish you'd tell miss Brooks how little wearing glasses will affect her looks Oh, sure. Oh, you shouldn't worry about glasses hurting your looks miss Brooks. I shouldn't of course not nothing could do that You don't even know if you need glasses yet So why should you worry now about how mr. Boynton is going to react if as in when he sees you with glasses on? I don't recall mentioning mr. Boynton in this conversation You don't have to his name shines out of your eyes like neon Goggles on I'm sure that mr. Boynton will feel just like any other average male feels about it And how is that well most men feel that glasses are merely an inconsequential man-made accoutrement And the real beauty of a woman is what lies within herself And the qualities admired by men of taste and sensitivity are of the mind and the soul Please go on dr. Freud I Once we grant the true loveliness springs from the inner being it follows that no Exterior pertinence could conceivably veil such loveliness Walter would you go steady with a girl of war glasses? Frankly, I wouldn't be caught dead with one Turn in your fritters Denton you're through Come on. We better get started. I've got an early appointment with the optometrist. Oh, please don't let it depression miss Brooks Remember there's a bright side of this thing, too. Where I seem to have misplaced it Well, the eye doctor will put drops into your eyes as part of the examination And this makes your vision all blurry and funny. Well, what's so bright about that? Don't you get it even after you arrive at school? You can be sitting right in his office with him and not see mr. Conklin all morning long Beautiful morning You certainly are chipper this morning daddy singing in your office and wearing a big white carnation I wish some of the teachers could look at you now. Well, why don't you sell tickets? I'm really trying to keep up my spirits in the face of the many arduous duties I'm called upon to perform have you completed arrangements for uncle Henry's party tonight and not quite my dear But I'll attend to it presently. I don't know why his bachelor friends insist on giving a man a party Simply because he's going to get married To me, that's exactly like feeding a bear a nice big antelope steak and then pushing him into a trap My daddy, I'm surprised at you stag parties are an old American custom And I think it's flattering that uncle Henry's friends picked you to arrange the entertainment This makes the third stag party you've arranged doesn't it counting the one he left at the altar This makes number four for uncle Henry Now you'd better run along to your class Harriet. I've got several things to attend to all right daddy Don't work too hard. I'll try not to This is the principal's office as good Conklin himself speaking Why yes, we are going to have a party, but it's strictly stag. Oh, yes Yes, but frankly, I thought we'd provide our own merriment One of the boys is quite competent on the cellar competent on the cello And if I say so myself, I'm not a bad hand with the cornet. You're a dancer and What kind of dances do you do miss Leroy? Just a minute just a minute look you'll have to excuse me now, miss Leroy I'll take up this matter of entertainment with some of the other fellows and then make my decision That would be fine Good. Bye. Are you today fine? Thank you, but I'm at my desk. You're talking to the umbrella stand Oh, I'm sorry. It's these drops in my eyes. I just Mr. Conklin, what's the matter with you? What do you mean? What's the matter with me? Your face is so white and it's all wrinkled You're looking at the carnation in my buttonhole. I didn't see how your head could be leaning against your shoulder like Pass in a couple of hours, and then I can type up the notes you need for the PTA meeting tonight That won't be necessary miss Brooks my new secretary is coming in this morning Besides I won't be addressing the PTA members tonight. There's another affair. I have to attend another affair Yes, my brother-in-law is getting married next week, and we're giving him a little party. Oh Henry Who's the lucky fourth? I Mean who's going to address the PTA meeting if you don't show up Mr. Stone the head of the Board of Education has kindly consented to go in my place You'll be over this afternoon to pick up my speech now I've got to leave for a while So I'll appoint Harriet to monitor your first class and I'd like you to stay here and take charge of my office Until the new secretary arrives. Where are you going? Mr. Conklin? We're just chock full of curiosity today It so happens that I have a little shopping to do for the party some of Henry's friends will expect a bit of punch I'm going to get the fruit for it now Peaches and things be careful of that fruit mr. Conklin What do you mean judging from the way your eyes looked after the last tag you ran into some very bloodshot peaches Cold gate dental cream clean your breath while it cleans your teeth and the Colgate way Stopped tooth decay best more than two years research showed the Colgate way of brushing teeth right after eating Helps stop more decay for more people than ever before reported in dentiferous history Yes, the Colgate way stop tooth decay best better than any other home method of oral hygiene No other dentiferous Ammoniated or not has proof of such results and you should know that Colgate's while not mentioned by name Was the only toothpaste used in the research on tooth decay recently reported in Reader's digest So always use Colgate's to clean your breath while you clean your teeth and stop tooth decay best And the Colgate way stops tooth decay best Well when mr. Conklin left to go shopping for his brother-in-law's stag party I sat in his office and waited for a his new secretary and be the effects of my eye drops to wear off I got a good idea of the progress. I was making when I answered a knock on his door Come in and what can I do for you, sir? You can do is take another look what oh, it's a girl Congratulations See I've had some drops in my eyes, and they're still quite blurry if you'll just take a seat miss And a Roy mitzy La Roy I talked to mr. Conklin on the phone a little while ago. Of course. He's been expecting you I miss Brooks. I teach English here. Oh, glad to know you. Where is mr. Conklin? He should be back in a very short time. He's doing some shopping. Why don't you just make yourself comfortable, mr. La Roy. Oh, well, I guess I might as well Tell me miss Brooks. Do you think mr. Conklin will want to see a sample of my work? Well, if I know our beloved principal, he'll want to see several samples It's like he's pretty hard to please. Oh, you'll get used to him I'm glad you got here though. If you hadn't I would have had to do your work for tonight. I Might not look it, but I'm pretty efficient Well, you could have fooled me What do you do teach English on the side? Well lately that's been just about the size of it I've had more outside work than I can handle Do you work with miss Brooks the usual tools at the trade some carbon paper and a typewriter Carbon paper and typewriter, of course, if it's a rush job, I just grind it out with a notebook and pencil Now that's what I call a new wrinkle Uh, how long have you been doing this sort of work just this season mr. Conklin's had a tough time finding anybody Oh, he must be pretty particular. He is rather temperamental But if you don't mind a little shouting now and then you'll get along fine Well, I'm used to that I uh worked at an else convention convention last night. Oh There's the bell for another class now that you're here I can run along Is there anything I can get you before I go? No, thanks. I've got everything I'll need in this bag I'd certainly like to clinch this job There's only one way to do it miss laroi when mr. Conklin gets back you be all ready to work All right walter My the cafeteria is jammed as usual. Yeah, that's why I like to get off in a corner and it Say, where did you get the tortoise shell glasses? I just borrowed them from miss richardson They don't actually do anything for my vision, but I want to try an experiment Oh, well, where is mr. Boynton? Mr. Boynton, sure you want to see how we react if you really do have to wear glasses Where is he? He's coming through that aisle over there What aisle the same one you're leaving by I didn't have a table like a good boy. Okay, mr. Brooks. I gotta look for hurry at conklin anyway I'll see you in the not too distant future or the not too present present Oh, pardon me, mr. Brooks. Do you mind if I join you at this table? Not at all, mr. Boynton I've been more or less expecting you. Oh good. Now. How'd you set this tray down? Oh, I certainly had a difficult morning Some of those kids just flatly refused to learn biology. So do some adults. I know Now that you're here, mr. Boynton, do you notice anything different different? Yes, look closely Well, what do you know about that? They put a bottle of ketchup on every table It's pretty exciting especially for people who have a red tooth That's not what I had in mind Mr. Boynton, do you remember how I looked yesterday? At what? Not at anything I just want to know how I look to you when you looked at me Well, you looked fine. Thank you. Now. How do I look to you today? Fine Let's have a glass of ketchup I don't understand miss Brooks. Just what is it you'd like me to observe? Have you got a new hairdo or did you manicure your nails in a different shade? Oh forget about it, mr. Boynton As a matter of fact, I'm delighted with the result of my little one-man quiz program Now let's eat, huh? Very well My that spinach of yours looks very appetizing. So nice and green. That's corned beef hash Spinach is this gray stuff over here Oh By the way miss Brooks, there's something I meant to ask you when I first sat down at the table What's that mr. Boynton? Why are you wearing miss Richardson's glasses? I did notice them. Oh, yes, they're quite becoming as a matter of fact, they make you look much more mature Mature Do you like me that way? Of course everything benefits with age. I'm not ready for old age benefits What about the girl I was the gay carefree youthful girl? I didn't know you then Hand me a blotter. I'm giving these eyedrops back to the optometrist You mean you've been examined for glasses miss Brooks mr. Conklin insisted, but I still think he's wrong Excuse me, mr. Boynton miss Brooks. There's something I gotta tell you What's the trouble walter? You look as if you'd seen a ghost I looked into mr. Conklin's office for a Harriet and believe me what I just saw was no ghost What did you see? Holy cow I presume you're referring to mr. Conklin's new secretary if she's a secretary. I'm gonna study to be a principal Is that all you noticed? Oh her dress was beautiful, too. I saw it hanging in the closet She's wearing a french bathing suit Don't you see miss Brooks? She's no secretary. She's a dancer She told me she was trying to get a job entertaining tonight at a party mr. Conklin's giving for his brother-in-law His brother-in-law Henry. He's a four-time loser You stay right here walter mr. Boynton You and I have got to get that girl out of mr. Conklin's office before he comes back But miss Brooks you have no time to argue mr. Stone is coming over here today, too The head of the board of education Gosh if he sees what I saw he'll flip what's left of his wig This sounds like a crisis. We better take a look at this creature darn those optometrists They never know whose eyes to put the drops in We can't just burst into mr. Conklin's office mr. Boynton. He may have returned. You're right miss Brooks. I'd better knock Well, that doesn't sound like mr. Conklin Oh, hello Holy french bathing suit blowing up my balloon Several of them. Oh, but there's been a terrible misunderstanding. You've got to leave here at once Oh, what's the hurry honey? Don't you think you should introduce me to your friend? No, I don't that isn't very polite miss Brooks. Mr. Leroy. My name is Philip Boynton. I teach biology here What time? Please mr. Leroy you ought to put some more clothes on she'll catch her death of cold that way Don't you think so miss Brooks? Yes, but not soon enough Now where are your things mr. Leroy? I'll help you get dressed. Oh, they're on that chair by the desk But I've got to do an audition for this job tonight. You told me yourself to get ready miss Brooks That's when I thought you were a secretary. Now. Will you please put your dress on? It's too late miss Brooks. Mr. Conklin's just coming in the front door. I saw him through the window. Well, it's about time. He showed up I love life Oh, hello miss Brooks mr. Boynton. Hello. Hello. Hello, mr. Conklin Holy cow! Miss Brooks, I left you in charge of this office. What is this woman doing here in that get up? She's just blowing up her balloon Leroy, mr. Conklin. I've felt you on the phone. Don't you remember? The balloon dancer, but how did you get in here miss Brooks let me in She's the one who told me to get ready for my audition That was when my eyes were still blurred from the drops this morning. Mr. Conklin. I thought you and your lame excuses Do you realize that mr. Stone is do you hear any moment to pick up a speech? I wrote for the pta meeting tonight, but mr. Conklin, do you realize further that the title of that speech is Propriety in our schools Oh smoke. Well, that's a switch on holy cow How am I going to explain this woman to mr. Stone? Or maybe maybe we could say she's one of the students mr. Conklin one of the students Standing in my office in a french bathing suit. We could say she just got out of french class That's mr. Stone now mr. Leroy, please you've got to hide hide, but where well in my closet That's it. Take your balloons and get in that coat closet Oh, but it's dark in there. I'm afraid to stay in the dark alone If you want me to I'll go into the closet with her mr. Conklin body Just take a few minutes mr. Leroy and you'll be I'll engage you for tonight's party for any fee you name if you'll just get into that closet and stay there Well, if it's really a deal, I might as well cooperate. But try and make it snappy. Will you I'm getting a little chilly Now whatever you do, please help me get rid of mr. Stone in a hurry. We'll do our best mr. Conklin. I'll let him in Who's here mr. Conklin? It's mr. Stone Why so it is Are we expecting gypsy rose lee? rose lee That's a good one Mr. Point and miss brooks were just discussing some details of the pta meeting tonight mr. Stone But unfortunately my new secretary hasn't arrived. So the notes aren't typed up However, if you'll come back in an hour, I'll have them all ready for you. Goodbye mr. Stone I'll walk you to the door if you like not so fast. I'd like to sit down and chat for a moment. I was good Sit down Very well, sit right here by my desk mr. Stone. I'll just take these silk stockings and other garments Stockings what is all this feminine apparel doing in your office as good feminine apparel Oh, that must be the stuff you just bought for your wife, mr. Conklin Yes, the clothing you were telling us about none of this is wrapped and those garments look as if they've just been worn Well, uh, uh, mr. Conklin and his wife are both the same size and somebody's got Adding with mr. Conklin. I have not finished Gesundheit gesundheit gesundheit Now about the speech you've written out as good. I think Now wait a minute. There's that's very strange. What's very strange. There were four gesundheit's and only one sneezed If all four of us said gesundheit who sneezed Well, it was probably just an auditory illusion mr. Stone. Sometimes Gesundheit gesundheit I pass Be catching a cold that sounded like it came from the coat closet the coat closet. Oh, please mr. Stone I know it's drafty in there, but whoever heard of a moth sneezing Yeah, whoever heard of a moth sneezing. That's rich Bless me bless me one of those sneezes came from inside that closet That's absurd mr. Stone. Now. Let me tell you about the speech tonight in it I have shown conclusively. I believe that overly progressive methods of running a school are not always the best No, indeed. That's one bubble. I have always tried to burst Something funny going on here and I'm going to find out what it is Come out of that closet whoever you are. What is wig? Plain new I am to mr. Stone I'm sure he remembers little mitzi from the else convention he attended last week Hello mitzi Oh, certainly mr. Stone and I got acquainted at that convention But I'd better be getting on home now Uh, can somebody give me a lift? Well, I'll be glad to drive you if you have no transportation If she has no transportation he says Listen mr. Boyne mr. Stone can drive mr. Leroy home their fellow elks But I joined our local large the other night that makes me a brand new elk too Well, if you want to live to be an old elk, you'll keep your antlers out of this whole deal There's all this books returns in just a moment, but first dream girl beautiful luster cream girl Tonight yes tonight show him how much lovelier your hair can look after a luster cream shampoo Luster cream world's finest shampoo No other shampoo in the world gives you k-dumas magic blend of secret ingredients plus gentle lanolin Better than a soap better than a liquid luster cream is an 80 cream shampoo Leaves hair three ways lovelier Pregnantly clean free of loose dandruff glistening with sheen soft manageable Even in hardest water luster cream lathers instantly No special rinse needed after a luster cream shampoo So gentle luster cream is wonderful even for children's hair Tonight yes tonight try luster cream shampoo Dream girl dream girl beautiful luster cream girl You owe your crowning glory to a luster cream shampoo And now once again here is our miss brooks. Well as soon as I got home after school I told mrs. Davis all about the day's events and when I had finished she clucked sympathetically Cluck cluck cluck what a day But at least you still got a pleasant evening to look forward to you've got a date with mr Boyn hadn't you I thought I did but he just called to tell me he's going to the party Mr. Conklin's giving for his brother-in-law on top of that the new secretary never did show up So I'll be saddled with all that extra work this week. That's too bad conny But I'm particularly sorry to hear that you have no date for tonight. It's just as well mrs. Davis It'll give me a chance to practice practice what conny typing no blowing up a balloon without getting too winded to dance This is one space reminding you to tune in next week to another our miss brook show brought to you by luster cream Sam's rules are soft glamorous Recibel hair and full gait dental cream to clean your breath Why do clean your teeth and help stop tooth decay our miss brooks starring evardon is produced by larry burns written by al Lois with the music of wilbur hatch Doctors prove palm oil of soap can bring you a lovely a complexion in 14 days Yes, 36 leading skin specialists proved in tests on 1285 different women that palm olive soap facials using nothing But palm olive brought new complexion beauty to two women out of three Just wash your face three times daily with palm olive soap each time for 60 seconds Massaging palm olives beauty lather onto your skin then rinse and pat dry So start your palm olive facials today. Remember doctors prove palm olive soap can bring you a lovely a complexion in 14 days This is cbs the columbia broadcasting system