 I'm a huge fan of movies and almost every genre you can think of, whether it's thriller, action, sci-fi, comedy, horror. The only one, the only real one I have an issue with, is Revenge porn. So when a Patreon requested a movie I had not seen or heard of, The Last House on the Left, I thought, this will be a fun, scary film. Ha ha ha ha ha! This demand came from Henry over on Patreon.com slash Adam Does Movies. He's at the Mithril level, so that entitles him to recommend a movie for me to watch. I have to, and then give him a shout out. So thank you, Henry, for being a Patreon member at the Mithril level. You're awesome. This movie, not so much. But we'll talk about the pros and cons. We'll be fair because I've already laid out the carpet. I already said, I'm not into revenge porn flicks, and this very much is that. When husband and wife, John and Emma, head on over to the family vacation home with their daughter, Mari, things seem on the up and up, for about 10 minutes. Until those dumb parents let their 17 year old impressionable daughter go traipsing around the town with an old friend. Things go south pretty quickly. When the two teenage girls end up in a sleazy motel, doing some drugs together with this guy they've never met before. Well, turns out this guy has a family of assholes that just got done killing someone. They're gonna be entering the place, too. Now we have ourselves a situation. Two girls, crappy Nokia phones that don't get service. A bad dad who's a complete asshole, like this guy's the worst of the worst. Aaron Paul, for some reason in this side tangent. Aaron Paul from Breaking Bad. Fantastic actor. Amazing job as Jesse in one of the greatest TV series of all time. Why did he get a bunch of garbage rolls during that time period? Not only was he here, but he was also in that shitty Need for Speed movie no one saw based on the video game. These people are the worst. You got a father, you got a son, you got a buddy, you got a girlfriend. All complete trash. The girlfriend Sadie though, comically shirtless all the time. Like, she just pulls off the shirt willy-nilly when she enters the place. That's the first impression she starts with, and that's the impression she's gonna leave with by the time this movie's over. It's very funny. It's like, dear God, what are we, what are we doing here? Am I supposed to be turned on by this? But that's the bizarre direction this whole movie has. They sexualized things that should not be sexualized. It reminded me of that horrible, horrible I spit on your grave. I should point out, this isn't the first version of Last House on the Left. I believe there's an older version of I spit on your grave too. Both movies have one thing in common. They take an underage girl, have her get brutally raped, but put the camera in very voyeuristic angles. They even sexualize her early on when she's just getting dressed by yourself. She's like wiggling her shorts up and they go up the legs. He's moving around her waist up by the chest. It's very uncomfortable to watch. And it's not uncomfortable in the way that I'm thinking, okay, there's bad guys around. They're making it uncomfortable? No, it's uncomfortable because the camera is just lingering on her. Mari also takes a quick dip at one point where she pulls off the shirt and shorts so she's in her bra and underwear and just swims a couple laps just because she's a swimmer. She's a swimmer. That's going to be important later when she swims away from the bad guys after being viciously raped. So it's a fun movie to watch. Really fun. Let's get a couple more negatives out of the way since I am ranting on this and then I will point out some pros because there are pros to this film as well. This isn't a total dumpster fire loss. Just not the type of movie I enjoy watching. There is some value in it though for people that like this kind of stuff. But again, negative. There is a sequence where they're fighting in a truck. The two girls are in the back. The dad's in the front driving them and the girl decides this is the time. This is the perfect opportunity to fight back. She takes the lighter and barely touches it to the side of the girl. She's like, eh. Meanwhile, Aaron Paul's still next door. They have weapons and this leads to a frantic scenario where everybody's like shuffling around in the truck. The camera's shaky as all shit and the thing runs head-on into a tree. The driver, the dad, gets out perfectly fine. No cut, no scrape, no bruise, just cash. Just walking like nothing happened at all. Aaron Paul got wracked. No one died though. Very minimal injuries considering what took place. The cinematography's a mixed bag too. For the most part, it's very competently shot and it looks really good. There are some scenes though where the camera's like hand-held, moving around and like walking into things. Like early on, Mari's changing and the camera's following along outside the dock and it basically like runs into the house. It's like... and then walks along the side, just pointless. And it wasn't even going for the whole, oh, there's someone outside spying on me angle. No, it was just a really bad shot. Took me out of it. I was like, what's happening? All right, let's talk about the pros. One thing this movie does really well that most horror movies don't is it has a solid line of actors. Monica Potter and Tony Goldman are major standouts here as the parents who are going to have to eventually take on this band of dumbasses later on in the film when they stop by because the phones are down, their car is wrecked, they need a place to crash for the night. There's some really solid tension in these moments which lead to some pretty creative kills. My favorite by far is Aaron Paul's hand going into a garbage disposal. This guy dies hard. At the same time, it does have some very frustrating character decisions, but it never really took me out in those moments. I never found the writing to be insulting there. Tony Goldman is fantastic in this. I almost wish he was the main character. I wish the focus of the movie was in his eyes because he's both the doctor, but he's also a man out for revenge. He's a man that understands certain people are not redeemable and we need to put these dogs down before they go after us, before they go after my family. So that's an interesting character to play off of. Unfortunately, we focus a lot of time with Mari and her friend up to trouble, up to hijinks before we get to the meat of it for the last 30 or so minutes of the film, which is easily the best stuff. Garrett Dillahunt plays the trash dad who is on his way to jail before the kids and girlfriend and whatever bailed his ass out by killing a cop, freeing him from his shackles. He is an asshole. He's someone you truly despise from the onset. And I think again, if they would have focused more on just the two dads and they would have jumped between these two storylines so you see the differences between how these guys treat their children and how they look at the world, you have a more interesting storyline. As it stands, this was a watchable yet uncomfortable and at times frustrating movie for me to watch. So there you have it, Henry. My review of The Last House on the left. Thank you for recommending it. Thank you for challenging me with it. And mainly thank you for being a Patreon at the Mithril level. It means a lot. It keeps this show going. It keeps me motivated. Anyone can become a member at patreon.com slash adam does movies. And if you continue to support at that Mithril membership for the year, you can get up to four movie requests. It's a good time. It's a good value. It's a lot of work on my part, but I appreciate the support however you can give it. And if that means me having to suffer through a couple hour movies and give reviews, that's not the worst thing in the world. If that's too rich for your blood, there's also a $1 tier, which is like a fifth of the price of a cup of coffee from Starbucks. So if you've liked any of my content over the years, maybe throw a bone. All right, that's it. That's the pitch. Thanks for watching. Like the video if you had a good time. Please subscribe. If you're new here, we'd love to have you stick around. And hopefully I catch you next time.