 All narcissists will do this to trap you. The narcissist traps you with their lack of validation, their lack of recognition and affirmation that your feelings and opinions are valid and worthwhile. Because you're trying to put right this undesirable situation, you're seeking their validation as the medicine for your pain and hurt. Because it hurts when you're discarded by the narcissist, after you've given all of your effort and emotions, after you were careful and persistent, after you followed the practices of the agreements that were made, you confided in the narcissist. You gave your heart and soul to them, but you gave it without success, without a result. Once the narcissist discarded you, after you were being the good person that you thought you should be, after you did everything to the best of your ability, they got rid of you as no longer useful or desirable, they forgot about you, they ignored you, like everything you did was nothing, like it didn't mean anything to them, but it's because everything the narcissist does is self-serving. It only revolves around themselves, they're only concerned with their own welfare and interests, they're self-seeking, so they will be in disregard of the truth and the interests of other people, but sometimes the narcissist will reward you for some of the things that you do, they use intermittent reinforcement, they love bomb duty in the beginning, but then they cut off the praise and compliments, they cut off the gratitude and appreciation for what you were doing for them, and then they used everything you did for them against you, by making it seem like none of it was good enough, like it doesn't mean anything to them, and by doing that, they programmed you to seek their approval and validation, they programmed you to feel their responses, as deserving of your effort, attention and respect, when you are around the narcissist, you condition yourself to accept their psychosis, when you're around crazy, it makes you crazy, so you begin to accept their distorted perspectives, when they say something's not good enough, you put in more work to make it better, but the narcissist just sees it as a game, it makes them feel powerful, and they use it to control you, they use it to run you into the ground, to exhaust you until you are no longer in good condition or work in order, one minute they're arguing with you, the next minute you reconcile, one minute they're rewarding you, the next minute they're punishing you, which eventually begins to wear down your sanity, your ability to think and behave in a normal and rational manner, so you begin to become addicted to the dysfunctional toxic relationship, you become addicted to the punishment, and you're constantly expecting and yearning for the reward, so even when they discard you, you may still desire that type of communication or involvement, so that you can feel worthy and special, so that you can feel alive, because you're still seeking the validation of someone who is not efficient or capable, someone who is a narcissist, when you play this game with them, you are training and accustomed in your own mind to behave in a certain way, or to accept certain circumstances, things that are going to have an effect that is the opposite of what you intend and desire, things that are going to hinder your achievement of a goal, so even after the narcissist has discarded you, you may still crave them, you may still desire the wind which they will reward and punish you, you will feel at a loss, and in need of them, you may even try to encounter the same type of person who behaves in the same way or the same situation, but you need to understand that this is not normal, validation should come from within, you should validate yourself by recognizing what you are capable of, by recognizing everything that is good about yourself, by recognizing your value, and by not giving it to people who do not value you, people who cannot afford to allow you to have yourself worth, people who cannot afford to allow you to show your goodness and high moral standards, thank you for watching, I hope this video ends here with you, please like, comment, share and subscribe, if you would like to donate, my PayPal link is in the video description, coaching queries, you can email me at coaching at NARC's Favourite UK, thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon.