 The thing is I want to say like about misgendering for example, it's very hard but what I kind of try and get cisgender people to grasp is that there's the kind of like you know if you just want to understand it superficially it's polite you call people what they want to be called that's true but it's not just about like impoliteness because fundamentally what someone is saying on the misgender you is everything that you've like worked so hard to assert about yourself against like all odds people whose family is over this people like risk violence is I have the power always to take that away and to say that you are not what you say you are and that there is some essence that you can never run away from which is what trans people have been told over a lifetime so like it's inherently um you know it's inherently a very psychologically dominant act um and one that's upheld you know by the power stretches in society like ultimately if all society and state chooses not to recognize us then we have no you know we have no power in that we were aware that we're a minority so it's a very dominant bullying act on a deeper level as well as just being rude