 There are a set of people who would do everything they can do to make others pleased. They are utterly called people-pleasers. People-pleasers want to be liked, they want everyone to be happy with them, they want to be in everyone's good books and they are ready to do anything to achieve these results. They put everyone's needs before theirs, they always say yes to whatever people ask of them and they are almost addicted to being needed. It is as though they get their satisfaction from feeling important and they see pleasing people as being valuable and relevant to the lives of others. People-pleasers search for validation from others and this search for validation makes them do all they can to get approval from others. This approval feeds their self-esteem. They are always worried about others' view of them and work hard to appear helpful to everyone. As expected, the life of a people-pleaser is a hard one which will never be successful because people are never satisfied. People tend to take for granted whatever is always freely given like the help of a people-pleaser with their time and other resources. Most often than not, the life of a people-pleaser is a miserable one where the goal is never achieved and the work is never done. Aside from being an unsuccessful one, the life of a people-pleaser is an unhealthy one and could lead to many adverse effects. Despite the feeling of misery, people-pleasers might find it hard to break the cycle and say the first no or they may be guilt-reading at the mere thought of not being there for someone who they think needs their help. If you are a serial people-pleaser, breaking the cycle, setting up boundaries and saying the first no is the hardest part of changing that toxic lifestyle but it has to be done. The following tips will remind and guide you towards breaking the cycle of people-pleasing. It would also make you feel a lot better after a while of practice. 1. Remember, you always have a choice. Most people-pleasers seem to be controlled by what others want from them. They act like there is no option but to do what is asked of them and so they allow themselves to be pushed around. This mindset makes them have little or no control over their lives as they wait for the next order or request. This is not the way to leave. You always have a choice. You are not some programmed robot that does whatever the manufacturer programmed it to do. You are thinking being with a brain and a mind of its own. Use them. You are the CEO of your life and so ensure that whatever you do is what you want to do. You don't have to do what everyone says. You don't have to say yes to everything. A CEO, you are to ensure that what you do is the best for your life. You are to make the best decisions that will show that you are in control of your life. You always have the choice to say yes or no or maybe. The power is in your hands and not in the hands of everyone else. Quit letting them control you. Take charge of your life. 2. Set your priorities Sometimes we do everything because we have no specific plan on what we should do and that is most times the case with people-pleasers. You might have a list of what you need to do for your life daily. You are to arrange these items in the appropriate priorities and ensure you stick to them. Do not let any other request or order interrupt the flow and add nothing in between your list until you have done all that you need to do for yourself. What this does is that it ensures that you have done what needs to be done for you and you have channeled your time to something that makes you a people-pleaser to only yourself. Also it leaves you less time to spare when others come asking for favors. Setting your priorities help you see the essential things that should be done and enables you to organize your life so you are leaving not just for others but also for yourself. Set your priorities and stick to them and you will have a genuine reason to say no. 3. Take your time Part of the advantages of having a choice is that you decide if you can help someone or not. Having a choice also means you can take some time to see if you can help after you have cleared your list. Take your time to make the decision. Most people-pleasers respond before thinking and the workload keeps piling. Talk to yourself and never give an immediate answer to requests and demands. Tink it through, check the pros and cons and make an informed decision. When asked for a favor, tell them you will get back to them or you need to check your shuttle and other things. If they insist on an immediate answer then calmly say no because honestly you have other things to do. It is better to say no then realize that you can help than saying yes and seeing that you can't. Don't rush to give responses because based on your track record you will say yes and go back to the cycle of people-pleasing. Breathe in, take time to think about it and check your list of prioritized items and see if you have the time, the energy and other resources to spare for the request. Think your time in giving a response. Number 4, set your time bounds and stick to them. Another way to set boundaries and stop being a people-pleaser is to set time bounds for when you are available to help others. So if you decide to help a few people, you give yourself a time frame for focusing on these tasks and once the time is up, you go back to doing things for yourself. Aside from this giving you a balance, it also keeps you in charge and the usual hopelessness that follows many people-pleasers would lose its hold on you. As you are decisive in setting your boundaries, it is important to note however that it is one thing to set time bounds and another thing to stick to it. Start with limits you can handle and slowly get bolder so you don't feel that you have failed yourself, set time bounds and stick to them. Number 5, remember no is not a bad word. People-pleasers find it almost impossible to say no and that is the foundation of their challenge. It is as if they see the word no as a bad word which should not be used. Always remind yourself that saying no doesn't make you a bad person, instead it shows that you know what you want for your life and you are realistic and thoughtful to yourself. Every human has a right and choice to say yes or no, don't relinquish this right just because you want to look good in the eyes of others. Say no when you want to, say no when you have to and say no when you need to. It is not a bad word. You may say it with a sad face or with regrets or you may say it while feeling sorry but make sure you say no when you should. Do not set yourself up for regrets, say no it is not a bad word. There are risks associated with people pleasing, too much pressure, too much stress and doing too much can make you sick. You also get anxious from always running against time, your resources are even depleted and the probability of depression is there because the truth is that you can't do it all, you are human. Pleasing people is unrealistic and comes from mental programming built over time. Using the above tips, you can reprogram your mind to a state where you can set up healthy boundaries, set up your priorities, take back control of your life and say no when you should. And I've just received tips on how to stop being a serial people pleaser. Use them.