 Chapter 24 of Tell It All by Fanny Stenhouse. When I arrived in Utah I found that nearly all the elders with whom I had formerly been acquainted had more than one wife there. Many of these brethren called to see me and kindly insisted that I should visit their families, but this I felt was almost an impossibility. My whole nature rebelled at the thought of visiting where there were several wives. For in defiance of all the teaching that I had listened to and the tyranny to which we had submitted, human nature would assert itself and my womanly instincts revolted against the system. I could not endure the thought of visiting those families in company with my husband. I thought that perhaps sometimes I might venture alone, but, oh, not with him, no, not with him. It was bad enough and humiliating enough for me to witness by myself the degradation of my sex, but to do so in the presence of my husband was more than I could calmly contemplate. I knew that I should not be able to control myself and probably say some very unpleasant things which I should afterwards regret, for I so thoroughly loathed even the idea of polygamy at that time that I was filled with a desire to let everyone know and understand just what my feelings were on the subject. I had left New York against my will, although I had not openly rebelled. I had never reproached my husband about it, for I felt that his lot was irrevocably cast with the Mormons. I knew that when I married him, and it was of no use now for me to repine. I must go on to the end. There was no help for me. The journey across the plains and all the discoveries which I had made had not tended to soothe my rebellious heart, and I am not quite sure that I did not so, by the way, a little discontent among the sisters. The idea, however, that such was the case did not, I must admit, fill me with much repentance. To my husband I had said very little, but I think he would bear me witness that what I did say was said effectively. Now when I was brought face to face with practical polygamy, and could observe it in its most repulsive phases, I hated it more than ever. One day, not long after our arrival, as we were taking a walk together, I saw across the road a man gesticulating after an eccentric fashion, and beckoning to us. Mr. Stenhouse said, That is Brother Heber C. Kimball, and I looked again with interest to see what that celebrated apostle was like. I had both heard and read a great deal about Brother Heber, and what I had learned was not at all of a character to impress me favorably. He had been so severe in his denunciation of every woman who dared to oppose polygamy. On the present occasion his conduct was, I thought, anything but gentlemanly, and when we crossed the road to him, which on account of his position in the church, next to Brigham himself, we of course were compelled to do. My face must have betrayed my feelings, I am sure, for almost his first words after shaking hands were, Have you got the blues? My answer was ready in a moment. I have had nothing else ever since I came here. Well, he replied, It is time that you should get rid of them, and I am going to talk to you some day soon, for I rather like your looks. I did not like his looks much, however nor was I at all pleased with his manner. I do not say that I was altogether without blame in feeling thus, for I was prejudiced. Of course I was prejudiced. From the first moment when I heard that polygamy was a doctrine of the church, I was predisposed to be dissatisfied with everything. I was henceforth not myself, for the terrible apprehension of my own fate in the celestial order had changed my whole nature. And that change of itself was a great source of grief to me. I keenly realized that I was no longer the light-hearted, pleasant companion to my husband that I had been. And many a time and oft I wished for his sake that I could die, for I felt that I never could be happy in Mormonism again. How many times I have knelt by my husband's couch when he was unconscious of it, and have wept bitter tears of sorrow earnestly praying to the Lord to subdue my rebellious heart. And if it were necessary, rather than I should be a continual annoyance to my husband, whom I loved with all my soul, that every particle of love in my heart should be withered so that I might, per chance, be able at least to do my duty. I fully realized that in polygamy there could be no real love, and while my affections were still placed upon my husband, it was torture to live in a community where I was compelled to listen to the counsels which were given to him, day after day, regardless of my presence, to take another wife. I was too proud to notice any ordinary illusion that was made to the subject before me, but when the conversation was turned in that direction by those who professed to be sincere friends, and to entertain a kindly interest in my welfare, I was compelled to listen and reply. In my unhappy condition I thought that perhaps I might derive some consolation from the sermons in the tabernacle, something that might shed a softer light upon my rugged pathway. But instead of obtaining consolation, I heard that which aroused every feeling of my soul to rebellion, and kindled again within me the indignation which I had been so long struggling to conquer. I heard that woman was an inferior being, designed by the Lord for the especial glory, and exaltation of man, that she was a creature that should feel herself honoured if he would only make her the mother of his children, a creature who, if very obedient and faithful through all the trials and tribulations in life, might some day be rewarded by becoming one of her husband's queens, but should even then only shine by virtue of the reflected light derived from the glory of her spouse and Lord. He was to be her saviour, for he was all in all to her, and it was through him alone and at his will that she could obtain salvation. We were informed that man was the crowning glory of creation for whom all things, woman included, were brought into being, and that the chief object of woman's existence was to help man to his great destiny. Not a sentence indeed, not a word did we ever hear as to the possibility of womanly perfection and exaltation in her own right. And not only so, but as if this were not enough to crush all ambition out of our souls, we were instructed in some new views of marriage. The great object of marriage, we were told, was the increase of children. Those diviner objects, the companionship of soul, the devotion of a refined and pure affection, the indissoluble union of two existences were never presented to the yearning hearts of those poor women who listened to the miserable harangues of the tabernacle. Such aspirations had nothing to do with the hard, cruel facts of their life in polygamy. And this I found was how the women of Utah were spiritually sustained. Seldom indeed was taught anything better, but frequently much that was worse. If nature, asserting its right to a full return of love, should manifest itself and inspire some of those poor wives to rebel against the lives which they were compelled to lead in polygamy, then it would be said in the language of the tabernacle that the women were filled with the devil, and that unless they repented speedily, apostatize and go to hell. An assurance which was scarcely necessary for many of those poor souls were enduring as much as if they were there already. Or if some woman was found objecting to polygamy on account of its crushing and degrading effects upon women generally, then, as I just said, she was told in the coarse language of Brigham Young himself that such women had no business to complain, it was quite enough honor for them to be permitted to bear children to God's holy priesthood. I found, therefore, that the sermons in the tabernacle were not calculated to help me much spiritually. I had neither friend nor counselor on earth to whom I could turn for help. My God alone remained to me, but all how different were my ideas of God then from those which I entertained before and since. Once I could look upon the beauties of nature and the varied experiences of human life, and while my soul was lifted up with devotion and gratitude I could see the loving hand of my Heavenly Father in everything around me. Now there was neither light nor beauty before my eyes, all was dark and dreary. There was nothing to draw away my heart from such sad thoughts as these. It was painfully clear to my understanding, then as now, that in Mormonism woman was to lose her personal identity. All that Christianity had done to elevate her was to be ruthlessly set aside and trampled underfoot and she was instantly to return to the position which she occupied in the darkest ages of the world's existence. I had at that time the daily and hourly cares of a family devolving upon me and had not, therefore, much leisure to spend in visiting my friends even if I had desired to do so. Notwithstanding that, however, I had abundant opportunities of observation and thus my experience of Mormonism and polygamy in Utah is much the same as that of any Mormon woman, of ordinary sense. I only tell what others could relate if they had the inclination to do so. It was not possible for me to live in Salt Lake City without being brought face to face with polygamy in some shape or other every day of my life. Had it been otherwise and if remaining at home would have kept it from my view I probably never should have had the courage to enter a house where it was practiced. To those who know nothing of that degrading system this may seem rather an exaggeration of feeling and yet even at that early day I had seen so much of the folly and weakness of the Mormon brethren both in London and New York before we went to Utah and had witnessed so many evil results of their teachings that it was with the greatest difficulty that I could control my feelings sufficiently to call upon any family where there was more than one wife. And yet what I knew then was nothing in comparison to what I afterwards witnessed yes that I myself endured. During the winter although I visited very little I attended a good many parties at the social hall but I did so more from a wish to be agreeable to my husband than from any pleasure that they afforded me for life had lost its charm to me and I was not happy. How many times have I gazed wistfully at those lofty mountains which surround the city and felt that they were indeed my prison walls how bitterly have I realized that I should never be able to go beyond them but in a new country with a family to provide for a mother has not much time to waste in pining even if it be for liberty itself and I would willingly draw the veil over that portion of my life. As my husband had been on mission for so many years and had spent all his time in the service of the church with the exception of a few brief months before we left New York when he was engaged on the staff of the New York Herald I naturally enough thought that when we reached Zion his occupation would be gone there would be no need of preaching to the saints on the contrary they would be able to teach us and we should have to find out what we could do in this new country to support ourselves and our children. In this I was not mistaken. Now among the absolutely necessary things which I had brought with me from New York there were about $300 worth of millinery goods which I had secreted among our other properties thinking that they would very probably come in useful to the fair daughters of Zion notwithstanding that the elders had told me of fiery sermons delivered by the prophet himself condemning all feminine display and that the sisters would scorn to wear gentile fashions. I knew my own sex too well to believe that all this was strictly true and I felt certain that I should find even among the saints some weak sisters who would appreciate my thoughtfulness in bringing such articles for their use. I had also noticed that the American elders themselves would frequently inquire where they could buy the best gloves and the prettiest ribbons and laces and that looked a little suspicious. Quite a number of such articles therefore found their way into my list of absolute necessaries and I know that my husband was secretly quite at a loss to know what had become of a certain sum of money which he was aware I had obtained from the sale of some of our things in New York but my foresight in this instance was very useful to us when we arrived in Zion. One day when Mr. Stenhouse was absent seeking employment I thought I would make a display of my treasures and surprise him on his return. Finally with the assistance of our faithful domestic whom I had brought with me across the plains and who had also lived with me in Switzerland we contrived to place two or three planks in such a way as to make a rough table on which to display the goods. I had been secretly at work for about two weeks trimming the bonnets and hats and making a number of headdresses such as were worn in New York when we left and although we had been three months on the plains and quite a month in Utah yet those bonnets and headdresses were of the very latest style to the ladies of Salt Lake City. My Swiss girl was quite a carpenter and when my temporary table was arranged I placed a pretty looking cloth over it to hide its defect and then began to arrange the various articles. I found that I had a much finer assortment than I had imagined for I had bought them at different times and had packed them away hurriedly lest Mr. Stenhouse or some of the other elders for there were generally two in the house should object to my taking them. When my table was filled and I found that I had still more to display I was very much pleased for I saw in my hats and bonnets flour, meat and potatoes for my children and I felt hopeful for one of the sisters had assured me that I should be certain to sell them. The next thing to do was to advertise my stock. After some reflection I remembered another of the sisters who was quite a good talker and who felt very kindly towards me. I had known her in England. She had been in Utah about three years and her husband had by that time been blessed with two other wives. She used to say that she had no patience with the set of grumbling women who did not know what was good for them. I do not think that the blessedness enjoyed by her husband was shared by the two wives for more forlorn-looking women I never saw. My husband, however, told me that this was none of my business and I believed him, of course, after the fashion of all good wives. But to return. This good sister, besides being an excellent talker, had really nothing else to do besides visiting her neighbors for the other wives now took entire charge of all the household duties. So I made her a present of a new bonnet as I knew that then in two days my goods would be quite sufficiently advertised and in this I was not mistaken. Almost the first visitors who called to see me were a lady and her daughter. I talked freely to her and answered her enquiries and she told me that she herself had had some experience in the business. In Salt Lake City, she said, I think you will not be able to sell those goods. They are too fashionable for the people here and there is no encouragement given to anyone in this business. I am afraid you will be disappointed. I believed every word she said and felt all my airy, hopeful castles begin to crumble away. Before she left, however, she very kindly offered to purchase all my goods at a low figure and thus relieve me of the anxiety and trouble of selling them. But I had had a little experience in the world, although probably I appeared to her somewhat innocent and I thought that if she could sell them there was a chance at least that I also might be able to do so. At any rate I resolved to try and I told her so when she left me with many kind wishes for my success. But what she had said during her visit had chilled my enthusiasm and pictured all my pretty newly made articles becoming soiled and faded with no one to buy them while the little ones barefooted like so many children in Utah then were running about crying for bread which I could not buy them. I felt bad and if I must confess it I sat down and had a good cry. Just at that moment I heard a knock at the door and hastily drying my eyes opened it and there stood my talkative friend. Stop crying she exclaimed. What is the matter my dear? Oh do stop crying. I don't like crying women. We see so many of them among the saints of God that it is really a shame and a disgrace. Tell me what is the matter? Has your husband got another wife or are you afraid that he won't be able to get one? Come tell me. All this was uttered in a breath without the possibility of my putting in a word by way of reply or remonstrance. At last I told her that I had just had a visit from one of the sisters and her daughter whom I described. I know she said I met her as I was coming here. Do you know who she is? No I replied I do not think she told me her name she simply came to look at my goods. And did she tell you that they would sell well and that they are the best investment that you could have made? Quite the contrary I said she discouraged me so much that I could not help shedding tears. Well now she answered that was Mrs. C one of our milleners here and you suppose she was going to encourage you to set up an opposition shop do you if you do why you've got something yet to learn? Indeed I felt that I had got a great deal to learn. Now I have come to tell you quite a different story she said this very afternoon you will have at least a dozen ladies here and ladies too who have got the money to pay for what they have and who won't pay you in salt chips and wet stones. Do they ever pay in such things I inquired why certainly they do that is the kind of pay that the good saints generally expect their poor brethren and sisters to be satisfied with and to feed their hungry children upon but I say that this is wrong not that I want to set myself up as a judge in Zion or that I should criticize the actions of the brethren God forbid but when I see the rich brethren grinding the faces of the poor in that way why I say that it is wrong but you must not take any such pay as that you may not always get money but you can at least get flour, potatoes and molasses now I tell you that you are going to sell every article that you have got and I shall take pleasure in recommending you and talking about it why I've been to about two score people already but there I see your husband coming and I must go my husband indeed was there he was not very fond of my talkative friend and passed her by with the polite salutation only but when he saw what I had been doing the light dawned upon his mind he no longer wondered what had become of the dollars in New York and astonished at my success he congratulated me upon the good use to which I had put them after this interview I felt quite encouraged and I very soon found that my friend's predictions were correct I had no difficulty in selling and I created quite a little business although we lived a considerable distance from Main Street and what with my efforts and some employment which my husband obtained we contrived to get through our first winter in Salt Lake City but I anticipate one day my husband informed me that there was a house about to be vacated shortly and that Brigham Young had told him we had better take it it was pleasantly situated near the tabernacle and as houses then were it was quite a desirable residence we had it thoroughly cleaned and then moved in when I arrived in the evening I found that Mr. Stenhouse with the assistance of our faithful Swiss girl had arranged everything as the goods arrived from the other house and the place looked so clean and there was such a bright fire burning that I felt that we now really had something like a home and my heart was filled with gratitude soon after our establishment in our new home Brigham sent for me and asked me to make a handsome bonnet for his then favorite wife, Amaline he left it entirely to my taste I was to make just what I pleased so that it suited her and gave satisfaction I made my bonnet and when I presented it Brigham Young was so pleased that he immediately gave me an order to make one for each of his wives I was very much pleased at this for we needed furniture and many other necessaries very badly and I thought that this would enable me to get them I expected of course that my account would be paid in money for I did not suppose that the prophet of the Lord would offer me chips or wet stones he could afford to pay cash and of course would do so he had furnished me with some material out of his own store for Brigham Young had a dry goods and grocery store of his own at that time and I was to furnish the remainder it was very little indeed that he supplied and therefore my account was likely to amount to a considerable sum for almost every wife had at least one bonnet which she wished made over with new trimmings besides the new one I worked constantly for three weeks with the assistance of two girls each of whom I paid six dollars a week besides board this was a difficult thing for me to do at that time in Utah for money was seldom seen there then but I was rejoicing in the prospect of the comfortable new furniture which I should have when it was all done furniture at that time was very expensive there was nothing better than white pine articles stained or painted most kind of wooden rocking chair cost fifteen dollars and common painted wooden chairs were six dollars a piece with everything else in proportion this being our first winter we had not been able to get much and I thought I would devote the proceeds of the work I was doing for Brigham to fitting up the house a little and with what I earned from my other customers I contrived to pay my help all the rest clear all was completed and great satisfaction expressed at the result of my labors so I asked my husband to present my account and if possible get it settled it amounted to about two hundred and seventy five dollars although I had dealt very liberally with the profit and had charged for the goods but little more than they cost me when he returned I hastened to meet him for I had partly selected the furniture and I wanted to go and purchase it but I was like poor Perrette the milkmaid who counted her chickens a little too soon for Mr. Stenhouse told me that Brother Brigham had given orders that the amount should be credited to us for tithing what a shock this was to me for that sum here was my whole fortune at the time and it was gone at one sweep can it be possible I said that he can be so mean as that where can his conscience be or has he any to deprive me of my hard earnings in this way he shall not do it I will make him pay me my indignation was so great that I did not reflect as to talk thus of the prophet of the Lord but my husband said what can you do you can do nothing but submit let us try to forget it or if not it will perhaps be a lesson to us but I did not forget it and never could although I tried very hard and when many months had passed and I no longer suffered from the effects of my loss and I always shall remember the way in which Brigham paid for his wife's bonnets end of chapter 24 chapter 25 of tell it all by Fanny Stenhouse this LibriVox recording is in the public domain mysteries of the endowment house fearful oaths and secret ceremonies not many weeks after our arrival in Salt Lake City my husband told me that we might now enjoy the privilege of going through the endowment house this was intended as a great favor to us on the part of the authorities for most people have to wait a long while before receiving their endowments but my husband's influence and position in the church was I presume the reason why we were admitted so soon now I had heard so much of the endowments and the endowment house that I quite dreaded to pass through this ordeal the idea of the whole ceremony was that thereby we should receive the special grace of God be united man and woman making one perfect creature receive our inheritance as children of God and in fact be made partakers of the plentitude of every blessing all this sounds very well as a statement but it is only the statement which would be made from the ideal Mormon standpoint I had heard other things about the endowments which did not present such a favorable impression and although I do not wish to record all the absurd stories which were and are current among the Gentiles I think it only right that I should state what my own views were or we received our privileges Joseph Smith the prophet and very many of his early associates belonged to the ancient and honorable order of free masons when he was initiated into the mysteries of that society and what position he attained therein I do not know but one thing is certain that when he under the influence of his own peculiar religious fanaticism endeavored to engraft upon free masonry some of the leading ideas of the new religion he and those connected with him were publicly disavowed by the lodges in the west I cannot without some trouble here give any documentary evidence but I may be permitted perhaps to state that I have myself seen newspapers of that period and the west then was a very primitive country which contained formal official declarations duly signed by respectable persons stating that Joseph Smith and others were no longer to be considered in fellowship with any of the western lodges the idea of a bond of brotherhood secret and indissoluble seems ever to have been present in Joseph's mind whether the germ of this idea was derived from masonry is of little moment gentlemen who certainly ought to know have assured me that such a notion was altogether ridiculous but of that as a lady I am of course not competent to judge it is however quite clear that the clannish or fraternal spirit among the Mormons has always preeminently distinguished them and is just as noticeable at the present day as it was in Joseph's time it has always been commonly reported and to a great extent believed that the mysteries of the endowment house were only a sort of imitation burlesque it might be of the rites of masonry but I need hardly say that this statement when examined by the light of facts is altogether ungrounded and absurd as the reader will presently perceive still the notion that some deeply mysterious ceremony was celebrated by the initiated has always possessed a charm to the Gentile as well as Mormon minds and the most extravagant statements have been made in reference to the endowment house in fact to such an extent has this been the case that most if not all of the saints who have passed through the house have looked forward to the period of their initiation as a most impressive and painful ordeal and the influence of this feeling I myself fully realized I knew well that no marriage was considered binding unless it had been celebrated in that place I knew that the saints however long they might have been wedded were under the necessity of being reunited there married lawfully married and their children legitimate according to the highest Mormon authority no marriage is valid unless the ceremony is performed in the temple the temple is not yet built and as Joseph the prophet said no fellow can be damned for doing the best he knows how the saints meanwhile do the next best thing and are married in the endowment house I knew that there and then the faithful were said to be endowed with their heavenly inheritance I saw how absolutely needful it was that my husband and myself should become partakers of those mysteries but I was influenced by the strange stories which I had heard of unhallowed and shameful doings in that same endowment house and consequently I feared to enter in my fears were not however altogether groundless or visionary it has been whispered falsely perhaps that in the endowment house scenes have been enacted so fearful that words would falter on the lips of those who told the tale concerning them I have heard of such things from men of integrity and honor but they were not eyewitnesses of what they and they could not or would not give me their authorities one thing I am certain of if such horrible deeds were ever perpetrated within those walls there remains no living witness to testify of them the lips who alone could tell the whole truth are sealed in silence which the trump of doom alone shall break when I refer the reader to have already spoken of the blood atonement and of the reformation I think that that plain statement of facts renders it clear to any ordinary intelligence that if in the endowment house no such deeds of darkness were ever perpetrated it was not because such things were contrary to the spirit of Mormonism as taught by Brigham Young and the Apostles nor was it because such things had never been done with the church but on account of some accidental reason into which it is needless to inquire it was of course no fear of any personal violence or any painful disclosures in that respect that made me reluctant to receive my endowments for at that time I was by profession apparently a good Mormon if I had my doubts and misgivings I had them in common with nine Mormon women and had therefore nothing to fear the true cause of my reluctance was of a more delicate and personal nature I had been informed that if I refused to go my husband could not go alone he would be compelled to take another wife and go with her this was not all I found that it was quite common for the elders to take a second wife when they took their first endowments and thus as they coarsely expressed it kill two birds with one stone moreover I had heard of men who feared to introduce polygamy into their households presenting to their wives while going through the house a young girl as their intended bride feeling sure that the wife would not dare to make a scene before the assembly how could I know that my husband also had not such an idea in his mind true I trusted him implicitly and did not believe it was possible that he could deceive me but had not men who were universally known for their integrity and honor acted in the same way to their wives and so with so many evidences of the best and most honest natures being corrupted by the unrighteous teachings of the religion could I be blamed for doubting him whom I loved best wives out of Utah doubt their own husbands and very frequently have the best of reasons for doing so but what woman other than a Mormon ever lived in constant dread that her husband who she knew was devotedly attached to her would do to her the cruelest wrong that man can inflict and woman can endure for the sake of his religion and in the holy saviour's name my mind was agitated by conflicting thoughts sometimes fear and apprehension sometimes indignation and hatred would make me perfectly reckless then love to my husband and thoughts of our little ones calmed my troubled mind and I was tranquil until excited by some injury which I witnessed when once more brooding over the cruel wrongs which in God's name had been inflicted in Utah my anger would revive again there was also another reason why I particularly objected to passing through the endowment house I had been told many strange and revolting stories about the ceremonies which were there performed for it is said that in the Nauvoo temple the most disgraceful things were done about what was done at Nauvoo I can say nothing as it was before my time but still I dare to say that people who in every other relation in life I should have deemed most reliable and trustworthy were my informants respecting those strange stories of the endowments in Utah I can of course speak more positively as I myself passed through them and I wish to say most distinctly that although the initiation of the saints into the kingdom appears now to my mind as a piece of the most absurdity there was nevertheless nothing in it in decent or immoral of which the reader himself shall presently be the judge it is an invariable rule among the Mormons as I have before intimated for every man or woman to mind his or her own business and nothing else in this respect they certainly present a good example to the Gentile world thus it was that until I myself went through endowments I was totally ignorant of what they were although of course so many people with whom I had daily intercourse could so easily have enlightened me if they had been thus minded with apostates I of course had nothing to do and had it been otherwise it is most probable that they would have been so much ashamed of the folly of the whole performance that they would not have spoken explicitly about it besides this every Mormon's mouth was closed by the oath of that same endowment house the penalty of breaking which was death a penalty which no one doubted would be sternly enforced thus totally in the dark and remembering only the strange stories about washings and anointings and an imitation of the garden of Eden with Adam and Eve clothed in their own innocence alone it can be no wonder that any modest woman should wish to evade all participation in such scenes I spoke to my husband about it and he tried to reassure me but what he said had rather a contrary effect before we left England when speaking of these ceremonies my husband told me that they were simply a privilege and a matter of choice but what a choice I might go or refuse to go but if I refused he must if he went through it all take another wife in my place and as I knew there would be no difficulty in finding one I should in consequence be known as a rebellious woman annoyance and indignity would be heaped upon me well within my own house I should be compelled to occupy the position of second wife as the one who is married first in the endowment house is considered the first wife and has the control of everything my husband told me that now he was most anxious to go he had already been notified three times that such was his privilege and there were he said he ought gladly to accept the opportunity it was an honour he said for which many people had waited for years my husband reminded me that we had been married by a Gentile and while living among the Gentiles and that as I said before our marriage was not valid and our children were not legitimate only those children of ours who were born after the ceremony in the endowment house would be legitimate the others were outcasts from the kingdom unless we adopted them after our initiation and thus made them heirs in any case poor children they could never be considered the real heirs they could only be heirs by adoption so I agreed to go trying to persuade myself for although my faith in Mormonism had been roughly shaken I still believed that its origin was divine as we had been but a few weeks in Utah we had not prepared our temple garments not thinking that we should be called upon so soon to go through we had therefore to borrow as most people do for the occasion the temple robe which is a long loose garment made of white linen or bleached muslin and reaching to the ankle had been placed upon us just before we took the oaths it was gathered to a band about 12 inches long which rested on the right shoulder passed across the breast and came together under the left arm and was then fastened by a linen belt this leaves the left arm entirely free the veil consists of a large square of Swiss muslin gathered in one corner so as to form a sort of cap to fit the head the remainder falls down as a veil the men wear the same kind of undergarment as the women and their robes are the same but their headdress is a round piece of linen drawn up with a string and a bow in front something after the fashion of a scotch cap all good Mormons after they have received their first endowments get whole suits of temple robes made on purpose for them so they may be ready for use at any time when they are needed all marriages in the endowment house are performed in these robes and in them all saints who have received their endowments are buried besides our robes we were instructed to take with us olive oil at seven o'clock in the morning of the day appointed we presented ourselves at the door of the endowment house and were admitted by Brother Lyon the Mormon poet everything within was beautifully neat and clean and a solemn silence pervaded the whole place the only sound that could be heard was the splashing of water but whence the sound proceeded I could not see in spite of myself a feeling of dread and uncertainty respecting what I had to go through would steal over my mind and I earnestly wished that the day was over we waited patiently for a little while and presently a man entered and seated himself at a table placed there for that purpose upon which was a large book he opened the book then calling each person in turn he took their names and ages and the names of their fathers and mothers and carefully entered each particular in the book our bottles of oil were then taken from us and we were supposed to be ready for the ceremony first we were told to take off our shoes and leave them in the anti-room and then to take up our bundles and pass into another room beyond this was a large bathroom which was divided down the middle by a curtain of heavy material placed there for the purpose of separating the men from the women here my husband left me he going to the men's and I to the women's division in the bathroom there were two or three large bathing tubs supplied by streams of hot and cold water as much concealed from the men as if we had been in an entirely separate room and everything was very quiet and orderly Miss Eliza R. Snow the Poetess and a Mrs. Whitney were the officiating attendants on that occasion the former conducted me to one of the bathing tubs and placing me in it she proceeded to wash me from the crown of my head as she did this she repeated various formulas to the effect that I was now washed clean from the blood of this generation and should never if I remained faithful be partaker in the plagues and miseries which were about to come upon the earth when I had thus been washed clean she wiped me dry and then taking a large horn filled with the olive oil which we had brought she anointed me the oil was poured from the horn by Mrs. Whitney into the hand of Eliza Snow who then applied it to me the horn was said to be the horn of plenty which like the widow's cruise of oil would never fail as long as the ordinance should continue to be administered in addition to the crown of my head my eyes ears and mouth were also anointed my eyes that they might be quick to see my ears that they might be apt at hearing and my mouth that I might with wisdom speak the words of eternal life she also anointed my feet that they might be swift to run in the ways of the Lord I was then given a certain garment to put on now this garment is one peculiar to the Mormon people it is made so as to envelop the whole body and it is worn night and day I was told that after having once put it on I must never wholly take it off before putting on another but that I should change one half at a time and that if I did so I should be protected from disease and even from death itself for the bullet of an enemy would not penetrate that garment and that from it even the daggers point should be turned aside it has been said that the prophet Joseph carelessly left off this peculiar garment on the day of his death and that had he not done so the rifles of his assassins would have been harmless against him when thus arrayed I proceeded to put on a white nightdress and skirt stockings and white linen shoes a new name was then whispered into my ear which I was told I must never mention to any living soul except my husband in the endowment house this name was taken from the Bible and I was given to understand that it would be the name whereby I should be admitted into the celestial kingdom this was of course very gratifying a circumstance however occurred which took from me all the pride which might have been mine in the possession of a new name there was among our number a deaf woman Mrs. Whitney had to tell her her name once or twice over loud enough for me to hear and thus I found that her new name as well as mine was Sarah to make the matter worse another sister whispered why that is my name too this entirely dispelled the enthusiasm which otherwise I might have felt I could well understand that I might yet become a Sarah in Israel but if we were all Sarahs there would not be much distinction or honor in being called by that name as a matter of course I supposed that the men would all become Abraham's our washing and anointing being now over we were ready for the initiation there were fifteen couples in all a voice from behind the curtain asked Miss Snow if we were ready and was answered in the affirmative we were then arranged in a row the curtain was drawn aside and we stood face to face with the men who had of course on their side of the curtain been put through the same ordeal I felt dreadfully nervous for I did not know what was coming next I could not quite dismiss from my mind the stories that I had heard about these mysteries but in spite of my nervousness curiosity was strong in me at that moment as it was I suppose in the others for as soon as the curtain was drawn aside we all cast our eyes in the direction of the men they as might be expected were looking in our direction and when I beheld them I must say that my sympathies were drawn out towards the poor creatures however little vanity or personal pride they possessed they must have felt it unpleasant to have to appear in the presence of ladies in such a dress or rather undress and notwithstanding the solemn meaning of the ceremony there was just the ghost of a smile upon our faces as we looked at each other and dropped our eyes again to anyone who did not feel as we did the religious nature of the initiation the scene must have appeared perfectly ludicrous in fact some of us felt it so one sister just as the curtain was drawn up and we came in full view of our lords cried out oh dear oh dear where shall I go what shall I do this as may be supposed a laugh which was of course immediately suppressed we could see how the men looked but of our own appearance we could not so easily judge certainly we must have looked anything but handsome in our white garments and with the oil trickling down our faces and into our eyes making them smart and look red there was nothing however for us to do but to submit quietly and make the best of it we could ashamed as I was I thought I might venture to look at my husband there could be no harm in that but when I saw his demure looking countenance and his efforts to keep his clothing in order I thought I should be compelled to laugh outright for I could see that his thoughts were more occupied about his personal appearance than with the solemnity of the occasion the men were all dressed in the same kind of garment as the women drawers and shirt all in one very much like those which are used for children to sleep in and over that an ordinary white shirt such as men always wear that with socks and white linen shoes completed their toilet clad after this interesting fashion we sat opposite to each other for several minutes and then my husband and myself were instructed to come forward and kneel at the altar while all the rest remained standing it is the customs thus to select two persons and we were either picked out by chance or it might be as my husband was thought a good deal of by the authorities that they considered he would feel honored by the preference suddenly a voice was heard speaking to someone who also replied this voice from the unseen was supposed to be the voice of Elohim in conversation with Jehovah and the words that were used were much the same as those contained in the first chapter of the book of Genesis describing the creation of the world finally Jehovah and Elohim declare their intention to come down and visit the earth as they do and pronounce all that they behold very good but they declare that it is necessary that one of a higher order of intelligence than the brute creation should be placed in the world to govern and control all else Michael the archangel is now called and he is placed upon the earth under the name of Adam and power is given him over all the beasts of the field the air and the fishes of the sea moreover the fruits of the earth are all given to him for his sustenance and pleasure but he is strictly charged as in the bible story not to eat of one particular tree which stands in the midst of the garden this tree is represented by a small real evergreen and a few bunches of dried raisins are hung upon it as fruit it is now discovered that it is not good for man to be alone Elohim and Jehovah therefore hold another conversation upon that subject and they finally determine to give a companion to Adam they therefore cause a deep sleep to fall upon Michael or Adam as he is now called and they prepare to operate upon him here we were all instructed to assume the attitude of deep sleep by dropping our heads upon our breasts Elohim and Jehovah then came down and go through the motions of removing a rib from the side of the sleeper which said rib appears immediately upon the scene in the person of Eliza R. Snow Elohim and Jehovah are generally represented by two of the twelve apostles when Brigham is present he plays a prominent part and now the devil makes his appearance in the person of W. W. Phelps Phelps used always to personate the devil in the endowments and the role suited him admirably he is dead now but whether it has made any difference in his status I cannot tell nor do I know who has succeeded him in his office the devil wears a very tight fitting suit of black muslin with knee breeches and black stockings and slippers this dress had all the appearance of a theatrical costume and the man himself looked as much like one might imagine the devil would look as he possibly could he began by trying to scrape acquaintance with Eve whom he meets while taking a walk in the garden the innocent unsuspecting woman is fascinated by his attentions Father Adam who seems to have had a touch of the Mormon about him perhaps was not the most attentive of husbands or he may have fallen into the same error into which many of his sons have fallen since neglecting to pay the same attentions after marriage as he was want to before and left his young wife to the mercy of the tempter however that may be Adam and Eve are soon discovered in conversation together and Eve appears to be particularly pleased with Satan at length he offers her some of the fruit of the forbidden tree and after some little demure she accepts it and eats thereof then the devil leaves her Adam makes his appearance and Eve persuades him also to eat of the fruit of the tree because they make a dumb show of perceiving their condition and an apron of white linen is produced on which are sewn pieces of green silk in imitation of fig leaves and in these they both attire themselves then all the brethren and sisters produced similar aprons which they had brought with them on purpose and these they put on as Adam and Eve had already done and Eve now appeared again and called Adam but Adam was afraid and hid himself in the garden with Eve the curse was now pronounced upon the serpent, the devil who reappears upon his hands and knees making a hissing noise as one might suppose a serpent would do we were then all driven out of the garden of Eden into another room which represented the world and this ended the first degree we were now supposed to be out in the world earning our daily bread by the sweat of our brows and we were informed that although we had been driven out from the presence of the Lord yet a plan of salvation would be devised for us by which we should be enabled to return to our first estate we were to wait patiently until this plan should be disclosed to us there was here such a mixture of persons and events that I could not exactly follow the idea that was intended to be conveyed if there was any idea at all men representing the ancient prophets entered and gave instructions to the people to prepare themselves for the first coming of our Savior upon the earth then we were taught certain passwords and grips and then we were all arranged in a circle the women covered their faces with their veils and we all kneeled down and with our right hands uplifted towards heaven we took the solemn oath of obedience and secrecy I myself made a movement with my hand for I believed that my life was at stake and I dared not do otherwise the words of the oath I did not utter we swore that by every means in our power we would seek to avenge the death of Joseph Smith the prophet upon the Gentiles who had caused his murder and that we would teach our children to do so we swore that without murmuring or questioning we would implicitly obey the commands of the priesthood in everything we swore that we would not commit adultery which was explained to mean the taking of wives without the permission of the holy priesthood and we swore that we would never under any circumstances reveal that which transpired in the endowment house the penalty for breaking this oath which was worded in the most startling and impressive way was then explained to us the throat of the traitor was to be cut from ear to ear his heart and tongue were to be cut out his bowels were while he was yet living to be torn from him in the world to come everlasting damnation would be his portion let not the reader think that this was merely an imaginary penalty or that it was expressed merely for the purpose of frightening the weak-minded for I have already shown that punishments quite as horrible as that have been deliberately to the apostate, the Gentile and the suspected saint by the Mormon priesthood the innocent blood which cries for vengeance against Brigham Young and some of the leaders of the church is sufficient to weigh the purest spirit which stands before the throne of God down to the nethermost abysses of hell after these fearful oaths had been taken with due solemnity we were instructed in the various signs representing those dreadful penalties and we were also given a grip peculiar to this degree we were next entertained by a long address from the apostle Heber C. Kimball never in my life except from Brigham Young had I listened to such disgusting language and I trust I never shall be compelled to listen to anything like it again Brother Kimball always used to pride himself upon using plain language but that day I think he surpassed himself he seemed to take quite a pleasure in saying anything which could make us blush the subject of which he discourse to us the married life in the celestial order he also laid great stress upon the necessity of our keeping silence concerning all that we had witnessed in the endowment house even husbands to their wives and wives to their husbands were not to utter a single word with the sermon ended our second degree we were now taken to another room for the purpose of passing through the third degree of the order of the Melchizedek priesthood when we were all arranged on one side against the wall a number of individuals entered who were in the second degree a number of individuals entered who were supposed to represent the ministers of every denomination and religion upon the face of the earth the devil also makes his appearance again the ministers set forth the various claims of their respective creeds each one striving to show that his is the purest and the best but the devil sows division and hatred among them confusion ensues then came in percentages representing Peter James and John the apostles and they commanded ministers devil and all to depart they then appeared to organize a new church in which the true principles of the gospel were to be taught our temple robes were also all changed from the right shoulder to the left indicating that we were now in the true church and that we were to be absolutely and in every way dependent upon the priesthood another grip was then given to us and thus we received the third degree of the order of Melchizedek priesthood in that room was a division made of bleached muslin in the division a door and in the door a hole with a lap of muslin over it through which to pass the hand whoever was on the other side could see us but we could not see them the men first approached this door a person representing the apostle Peter appeared at the opening and demanded who was there he was told that someone desired to enter hands came through the opening in the muslin curtain and mysterious fingers cut a mark on the left breast of the men's one mark also over the abdomen and one over the right knee which marks the women religiously imitated upon their own garments when they got home the applicant was then told to put his hand through the opening and give the last grip belonging to the third degree and mention his new name he was then permitted to enter this was called going beyond the veil when the men were all admitted the women were suffered to approach and were passed through by their own husbands when a woman has no husband she is passed through by one of the brethren and to those who are not going to be married or sealed for eternity hear the ceremony's end now as I before stated according to Mormon ideas we had never before been legally married it was therefore necessary that we should now pass through that ceremony we accordingly were conducted to a desk where our names were entered and we were then passed into another room in that room was a long low altar covered with red velvet and an armchair placed at one end of it in which sat Brigham Young my husband knelt at one side of the altar and I at the other with our hands clasped above it in the last grip which had been given to us then the ordinary formula of marriage was gone through with and we were informed that we were sealed for time and for eternity thus we passed through the mysteries of the endowment house and at three o'clock in the afternoon we found ourselves at Liberty to return home the various ceremonies had occupied eight hours when we reached home my husband said well what do you think of the endowments but I did not dare to answer him truthfully at that time had I done so I should have told him that I was ashamed and disgusted never in all my life did I suffer such humiliation as I did that day for the whole time I was under the impression that those who officiated looked upon us as a set of silly dupes and I felt annoyed to think that I dared not tell them so so I told my husband that I would rather not speak about it and we never have spoken of it to this day what were his own feelings about the matter I do not know for Mormon wives are taught never to pry into their husband's feelings or meddle with their actions but not withstanding all my feelings in reference to the endowments so foolish was I that when I afterwards heard the brethren and sisters talking about the happiness which they had experienced while going through and saying how privileged we ought to feel at being in Zion among the saints of God secure in his kingdom where we could bring up our children in the fear of the Lord I began again to think that I was all in myself and that it was I who was wrong and not the endowments I wondered how with such a rebellious heart I should ever get salvation and I mourned to think that I had not accepted everything with the simplicity of a child some time after our initiation I met the apostle Heber C. Kimball and he asked me how I felt upon the occasion I frankly told him all but added that I regretted feeling so he said I shall see if you cannot go through again it is not just the thing but I shall try and make the opportunity nothing more however was said about it but that which troubled me most was the fact that while the oaths were being administered I dropped my hand and inwardly vowed never subscribe to such things and at the same time my heart was filled with bitter opposition this although I did it involuntarily my better nature rising within me and overcoming my superstition I thought at the time was sinful I now however rejoice that such was the case for not having actually vowed to keep secret those abominable oaths I can say without any caval or equivocation that I have broken no promise and betrayed no trust by the discoveries which I have just made I wish distinctly to make this statement others have more or less divulged the oaths of the endowment house and have excused themselves with much doubtful sophistry I never really took the oaths although present and therefore no one can charge me with treachery at a later date some of the sisters kindly suggested that the spirit of the evil one had entered into me at that time but this was at least a very inconsistent statement for the Mormons believe that no evil spirit can enter into the endowment house of one thing I am certain I was then indeed a miserable slave with no one to stretch forth a kindly hand and strike away the fetters of my mental degradation and lead me forth into light and liberty End of Chapter 25 Chapter 26 of Tell It All by Fanny Stinhouse this LibriVox recording is in the public domain secrets of saintly spouses a visit from my talkative friend not long after I had received my endowments my talkative friend of whom I have already spoken came to see me and to offer her congratulations she was quite enthusiastic upon the subject spoke of the honor which had been conferred upon us and promised to call frequently to build me up she was particularly anxious to learn whether I did not feel better and happier now on that point I could say little for to have answered her truthfully would have provoked discussion into which I did not care to enter I knew too that anything I said to her would soon be known to everyone else so I told her that I was feeling well enough well enough she said is that how you feel come now I thought you would have got when you had been through your endowments you remind me of what brother Brigham says we have so many whining women in Zion that it is quite a reproach I do hope that you are not going to become one of them let me give you a bit of advice the wisest thing you can do is to look out for another wife for your husband and get him to marry her oh my I said what are you talking about you surely cannot be an earnest I was never more earnest in my life she answered if you had persuaded your husband to take another wife when you went through your endowments you would have got over all your troubles at one time the anticipation is ten times worse than the reality I do not see it in that light I said my own opinion is that my troubles in that case have begun I do not think that you yourself are really happy oh nonsense she exclaimed why you can see how happy I am my husband has two other wives besides myself and a more comfortable family could not be you never told me I said how your husband managed to get those wives I should like to hear my husband managed? why he did not manage at all it was I who arranged everything for him and I'll tell you how it was done during the reformation she continued you of course know the men were constantly urged to take more wives but my husband was rather backward and used to tell me there was plenty of time and not the slightest occasion for him to be in a hurry I had my own opinion of the matter I did not agree with him for you see I was afraid that after all he would pick up some young girl or other and fall in love with her and all my plans would be disarranged it is you know much the best for the first wife to look out for some girl who will look up to her and respect her but not love her husband too much and then they are likely to get on well together if the first wife selects the other wives the effect of showing them that the husband thinks much of her judgment and is willing to abide by it and that they will have to do the same this of course is as it should be but if she lets her husband choose his own wife he is almost certainly to take a fancy to someone whom the first wife does not like at all and consequently her authority is undermined the first wife ought to keep all the power in her own hands well I said I should not care much I think who ruled in my home if another wife was there you think so now she replied but when you get used to polygamy you will feel quite otherwise people get used to it the women as well as the men and then they leave off fretting and become less selfish but I was going to tell you how I managed my husband I was very anxious as I told you to find another wife for him and I took into consideration all the suitable girls I knew there was some objection to almost every one some were too pretty and I knew I should detest them and others were not good looking and those my husband could not bear so I waited patiently but did not give up the hope of succeeding eventually the next I met with a girl who I thought would do she was certainly not bad looking but she was very young and I thought I should be able to manage her the name of this girl was Alice Maynard she was a neighbor of ours and one of a large family she seemed to me to be a quiet modest little creature and I knew that she had to work hard and received very little in return in fact she had become a life of drudgery and even her very clothing bore witness to the poverty of the family her mother had often told me that she felt badly for Alice for Mr. Maynard had three other wives and it was more than he could do to support them all properly I called one day upon Mrs. Maynard to broach the matter to her she received me very kindly and entered into my views at once she was anxious she said for Alice to get married for then she would be better off I asked her how she would like her to marry my husband and told her that we were very comfortably off as you know we are and that my husband owned his house and lot and was doing a very good business and of course ought to take another wife would she agree to my proposal and let me mention Alice to him she said she herself had no objection but that perhaps my husband might not like Alice or Alice might not like him I felt indignant at the idea that any girl should hesitate to marry my husband and I told sister Maynard that there could not possibly be any hesitation on Alice's part I'm sure I have no objection she said if Alice has none I should only be too happy to see my child in a more comfortable home well then we'll consider the matter settled I said and asked if I could see Alice so her mother called her in and I proposed to her for my husband you can guess perhaps how astonished I was when she actually laughed in my face and said she should like to consider the matter I did not however show her what I thought but assented to what she said and invited her to come and take tea with us my husband had often told me when I was teasing him about taking another wife that he would willingly marry any girl I might choose for him and I felt pleased at this for it showed confidence in my judgment so when he came in later in the day I told him I had found a wife for him at last and that I knew he would like her why Ann he said I do believe you are going crazy over the wife question but if you are I do not want you to drive me crazy also I really thought this was too bad after all my trouble for him but nevertheless I was resolved that the marriage should take place three days after that in accordance with my invitation Alice came to take tea with us and I fixed her up to look nice when she was ready I took her into the parlor to introduce her to my husband who was sitting there reading Henry I said this is Miss Maynard the young lady of whom I spoke to you the other day he looked up from his paper and to my astonishment said why Alice my girl how do you do how are mother and father what I said do you know Alice Henry certainly I do he answered Alice and I have met many times before this haven't we Alice yes sir she said and oh so demurely why sister Stanhouse I began to think that I had actually been deceived and that while I had innocently supposed that I had found out the girl myself it was the very one upon whom my husband had had his eye for a long while past I watched them however very narrowly for I was determined that if my husband had really taken a fancy for the girl he should never have her why that would have facilitated matters would it not I said do you think she replied that I would have allowed them to marry if they loved each other no indeed the saints marry from principle and not from love as brother Brigham has often told us I hope you believe me dear when I say that I'm not at all a jealous woman but if my husband dared to fall in love with a girl and to hide it from me I could not stand it I am sure no principle is the only thing there can be no love in polygamy if a man loved his wife do you think you could have the heart to pain her by taking another on the other hand it is because of the love which still remains in their hearts and which they weary themselves to crush out that so many of the first wives are miserable but I am going to tell you about Alice I was mistaken in thinking that my husband had been paying her any attentions it appeared that he was acquainted with her father and mother and that at their house he had frequently seen the child Alice but never supposed she was the Miss Maynard of whom I had spoken but now they had come together at last and she to him and really I sometimes almost thought that they wished to ignore me all together I did not let them waste much time fussing with one another but they got on very rapidly nevertheless and before I had had time to arrange matters properly my husband told me that to please me he was going to marry Alice only fancy me being pleased at him marrying Alice I wasn't to please myself that I introduced the child to him but simply because if he must have another wife it certainly was best for me to choose one whom I could manage however they were married not long after and really I think I never was more disgusted in my life than I was on that occasion I was not jealous but I do think he might have paid her a little less attention in fact I quite regret it because it was too late that I had ever brought them together the Mormon men always do make themselves silly over their new wives and I did not expect my husband to be an exception to the rule but I was perfectly astonished at the change that took place in Alice instead of the quiet modest girl she used to be she put on all sorts of heirs and treated me as if I were not of the slightest consequence I couldn't stand that and I resolved if it were only to take the pride out of her I would get my husband to marry another wife still he wouldn't object I knew for he takes life very easily and he has a great respect for my opinion besides which he is quite well enough off to support three wives and as a matter of duty if nothing else he ought to do so that would soon bring Alice to a proper state of mind and she needed something of the sort for do you know she had actually made that silly husband of mine think she ought to be treated with the same consideration as myself well but I said if the principle of polygamy is of God it is only just that all the wives should be treated alike if my husband were to marry another woman much as it would pain me I should certainly treat her as an equal then she replied if you do so you will find that the first wives will have nothing to do with you you will find when you come to be better acquainted with the people here that the first wives do not waste much love over the polygamic wives and of course as a rule the polygamic wives detest the first wives then the plural wives get together and talk all manner of evil about the first wives who do pretty much the same in respect to them it is only natural that they should do so but I was going to tell you she continued how I selected the third wife there was an immigrant train expected in every day and you know when the immigrants arrive all those women who want wives for their husbands and all those men who want to choose for themselves go down to the camping ground and if they see a girl who takes their fancy they ask her if she has got a place to go and if she has not they offer to receive her themselves there are hundreds of young girls who arrive here without anyone to look after them and who are only too glad to accept a home for the winter now this was exactly what I did I went down to the camp and looked around for myself and at last my eyes rested upon a woman of about thirty or thirty-five years of age who I thought would be a more suitable wife for my husband than that giggling chit that I chose for him at first I decided at once that she would do so I went up to her and asked her if she had any friends she said she had a brother living in the city but when I explained to her how we were situated and said that I should like her to come and stay with us for myself she agreed at once now I thought Miss Alice we shall see whether you are going to have things all your own way any longer I told her however as well as my husband that I had brought home a sister to stay with us a while and they received her very kindly and she soon made herself very useful and agreeable to us all the bishop came and talked to my husband and he made no difficulty at all in exceeding to my wishes and before long he made our visitor wife number three and Alice as a matter of course lost a good deal of her influence over him for my own part I am much more comfortable the two plural wives do nearly all the work and I have little else to do than super intend the household and enjoy myself my husband is one of those quiet sort of men who never interfere with domestic affairs and I have matters pretty much my own way now the only thing that annoys me is his fondness for Alice who makes herself appear most amiable to him deceitful thing I can't break him out of that but I often tell him that he will find her out some day he tells me that he looks upon her as a child and feels like a father towards her no woman he says can ever have his love but me that sounds all very well but as for believing it that is quite another thing I keep my eye on them and watch them well but I said it appears to me that it would have been far better if you had never given him another wife at all you would have been saved from annoyance and the privacy of your home would not have been disturbed I am more surprised as your husband did not himself desire it when you understand better the order of the kingdom you will not speak in that way she said do you suppose that I should be satisfied to be the wife of a man who could not exalt me in the celestial kingdom a man with only one wife why I have often told my husband that if he did not get other wives a man to have two wives at least if he would enter into the celestial kingdom that is why I have been so anxious to get wives for my husband at the same time there is no necessity for him to fall in love and act in a silly way over them the only way in such a case is to set one to watch the other and then they are pretty certain to keep the old man straight you think perhaps that I don't feel all this but you must not be deceived by appearances I tried to do the will of heaven with a smile on my face and the brethren have often told me that if the other sisters were more like me they would not have so much difficulty in establishing polygamy but dear me sister Stenhouse what a long talk we've had I'll come and see you soon again for my husband will be home to supper by this time so she left me wondering over her strange story of a woman's experience in supplying her own husband with wives end of chapter 26