 The Jack Benny program quality of product is essential to continuing success 49 American lucky strike means fine tobacco so round so firm so fully packed so free and easy on the draw LSMFD LSMFD That's right. Yes, sir and how lucky strike means fine tobacco so round so firm so fully packed So free and easy on the draw In a cigarette, it's the tobacco that counts and lucky strike means fine tobacco Here's what mr. Edwin Lee Moore independent tobacco buyer and warehouseman of Greenville, North Carolina said for many years I've been in a good position to know the facts about who buys what tobacco at the auctions I follow every season and in all this time I've seen lucky strike by a light naturally milder leaf that makes a milder more enjoyable smoke My own cigarette for 16 years has been lucky strike. Yes, mr. Edwin Lee Moore has been there He knows and lucky strike means fine tobacco So for your own real deep down smoking enjoyment smoke that smoke of fine tobacco lucky strike From the Plaza Theater in Palm Springs the lucky strike program starring Jack Benny Ladies and gentlemen, let's go out to Jack Benny's house here in Palm Springs It's an hour before showtime and Jack is taking a nap Rochester is going quietly about his duties Rochester Chasing Yes, it is Rochester, but I just had the most wonderful dream really you know I dreamt I was listening to Fred Allen's program. He went down to Allen's alley knocked on all the doors and there was nobody home What a low and Then I dreamt his program was so bad his sponsor came in and threw him off the air Alan couldn't get another job and he sank lower and lower And I dreamt it became a bum on Broadway mooching nickels and dimes for something to eat What are you laughing at if you just slept about five years longer you'd have to send him flowers Anyway, it was a wonderful dream. I wonder what he dreams about me He wouldn't waste his time on you boss. He's still young enough to dream about the opposite sex They rocked after what time is it 325? Oh my goodness. I told Miss Livingston to drop by here at 330 I better hurry. What kind of show are you gonna do today, boss? Oh just something informal nothing special probably add Jack come on. We'll be late for the show right William. Mary see you after the broadcast Roger sir. Goodbye Hello, Mary. Hello, Jack Do you look nice? Hey, where were you last night? Well, Jack. I was at the barn dance at Roger's stables with oh I'm not gonna tell you. Oh, come on, Mary. Who are you dancing with? Come on, Mary. Don't keep seeking me. How are you dancing with you you dope and you fell asleep. Oh Yeah, that's right. I had oval teams for dinner Hey, Mary isn't Palm Springs a nice little town. It's all right. I guess yeah, look at that cute date shop You know this desert is famous for dates. I know I know I look at this place next to it florist and date shop Look, yeah, he's such a cute town. Pardon me. Miss Livingston may I have your autograph? Why certainly gee, thank you Oh, look Mary look look at that little place across the street cleaners dyers and date shop I Sent my suit there and it came back so sticky Before they press it they put samples in your pockets But this is the cutest little town is it yeah, oh miss Livingston. Would you give me your autograph, please? Oh, surely here you are, honey Thank you Hmm Hey, Mary Mary look here's the place where I bought my spurs where right here boot saddles harness date shop You don't marry. There's something about this town. That's so relaxing and restful. No wonder so many people come here Miss Livingston. Yes, Miss Livingston. Would you give me your autograph, please? Oh, I'll be glad to Here you are. Thank you very much. You know Jack. This is a cute little town What's cute about it? You know Mary you turn out to be the biggest ham I ever saw Signing autographs all the time. Oh, you're just mad because they didn't ask you. I am not. Oh, Jack Look at this place blackness shop and date parlor. Oh Yeah, and look at the sign under the spreading palm tree the village Smithy stands. I Bet the muscles on his brawny arms stand out like stuffed dates Well, here we are at the stage door. Oh Jack. There's a little hot dog man. Let's get a hot dog Okay, we have a few minutes time Just the way you like him and the role Well, I see you're still in town Two hot dogs, please couple poppies coming up Would you like to have them serve the palm spring style? What do you mean palm spring style? Well, that's with pickle mustard and sun-pan oil Just the just the pickle and the mustard, please Do you want the pickle in the middle and the mustard on top or the mustard in the middle and the pickle on top? There's doesn't go with hot dog. I know I just wanted to see where you put it Mary we haven't time to fool around give me my two hot dogs, please. Here you are. Thank you. Goodbye. Goodbye Pickle in the middle and the mustard on top just the way you like Come on Mary. Here's the stage. We better get on Oh Harris you're so pretty it's too bad. You're not too face Mary we must be late. Hey Phil Wow Jackson hold it. I'm just going into a band number. Gee my watch must be wrong. Yeah, you never should have bought it at that date shop. I Guess you're right. Go ahead Phil Come to baby do played by Phil Harris and his melancholy music makers Melancholy meaning half of them have heads like melons And the other half look like collies Except Frankie the guitar player. He looks a little like a saint Bernard Wait a minute Jackson Frankie may be shaggy, but he don't look like no saint Bernard the wise He got a keg of brandy around his neck because when he comes to an eight bar rest. He ain't gonna just sit there doing nothing Can he just sit there and listen to the music? That's what drove him to drink Oh, I know get on with the show now that I'm here. Oh, hello Don. Where have you been? I just stepped out to get a package of luckies the package of luckies Where'd you get them in the lobby out of that cigarette and date machine? Oh Oh Well down I wouldn't end to eat any of those dates for you. They're fattening, you know, and you're not exactly Tom Thumb, you know Well, I know Jack, but since I've been down here in Palm Springs. I don't look so big That's only because they have so many mountains here Take my word for it. You are shall we say a trifle obese? Yes, we'll say it Obese, I don't know Jackson. There are plenty of guys that are obese her than Don Oh be sir Phil that word isn't even in Webster's dictionary. How do you like that? I'm smarter than Webster And don't let Webster find it out he'd probably be upset now. Let's get up come in Yes, mr. Benny, my name is Streeby. I'm the manager of this theater and date shop. Oh Oh, hello, mr. Streeby. Hello Separate this is the real manager separate up the microphone mr. Streeby don't be nervous a little close You know after all this is your theater. You know you You didn't have to pay to get in you know. I had a rent the joint Mr. Streeby, I'm glad you dropped in I've been anxious to find out if you ran my picture here Yes, we did mr. Benny quite recently good good. No, no What what do you mean? Well, we ran your picture Saturday and Sunday and it turned out to be a double feature Double feature. Yes, the horn blows at midnight on the screen and lost weekend at the box office Funny, I can't understand why the picture didn't do well. You know neither can I you know This isn't like the East when Venice is bad. We can't blame it on the weather Come to think of it that picture did do better in the cooler climate Yeah, Warner Brothers got a letter from three Eskimos saying it was the best film they ever ate You said it Well, I'll be right along now I just dropped in to see if there was anything you need nothing at all. But thanks very much. Goodbye, mr. Streeby. Oh, say mr. Benny. How do you like that a guy gets a laugh? He can't get rid of them Now now what mr. Benny? I don't want to get personal, but I always thought you were at war to pay Well, this is Palm Springs everybody goes around with a top-down Yeah, goodbye, mr. Streeby. Goodbye. Oh, mr. Benny never mind. Goodbye Everybody comes in here with jokes no dates Can't understand why he was so nervous at the microphone. I was right up here with him Yeah, but after broadcast you leave town he has to stay here My suppose the well it's time for a song. Where's Larry here? I am mr. Benny Now what are you gonna sing tonight kid a brand-new novelty song called pickle in the middle pickle in the middle Say isn't that with the with the little hot dog man sing yes Carl Slingman and John tackaberry wrote a song around it Tackaberry John I've heard that name somewhere before he's one of your writers. Oh, yes He's the one with the lowest forehead His nose makes a natural part in his hair Let's hear the song Larry come on The peanut man the ice cream man Shout their wares like nobody can like nobody can except one man Pickle in the middle and the mustard on top just the way you like them and they're all red hot Tasty little hot dog toasted rice with the bark is tender as it's by Everybody's happy and the laughter runs high Till the Sun gets pickled in a sauerkraut sky What's a little raindrop when you've got? Pickle in the middle and the mustard on top Nobody wants any peanuts or ice cream Just the way you like it and they're all red hot Tasty little hot dog tasted bite with the bark is tender as it's by And on the griddle in the middle and the mustard on top song by Larry Stevens with the mustard on top And now ladies and gentlemen, I would like to introduce a guest Rather unusual to radio The gentleman I'm about to present is a writer at Paramount studio He is also a noted critic and the author of articles which appear in the country's leading magazines Also the author of Seven Lively Arts Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Gilbert Seldie Mr. Seldie's I'm very very happy to have you on my program. Thank you, Mr. Benny, I ask you a question. Why certainly go right ahead. Why did you invite me to come over here today? What's the purpose of my appearance? Mr. Seldie's Did you or did you not? Write an article that appears in the March issue of Esquire magazine. Mr. Benny I write an article in every issue that answer yes or no Yes Now in this article, Mr. Seldie's Did you or did you not state? That radio comedy today is based primarily on sarcastic humor and insulting jokes. I did He admits it yet In that article, Mr. Seldie's you said that comedians have been insulting each other so much That radio has become a source of boredom. That is correct and to prove my point, Mr. Benny take your program today You insulted Phil Harris's orchestra. Miss Livingston ridiculed your dancing and even the theater manager who came in I'm prepared how to make a slurring remark about your toupee Yes, yes, he even panned my picture. Well, that he couldn't help I see Then Mr. Seldie's What you meant by your article in Esquire is that you would like to hear a comedy program with a delicate neighborly motif Something sweet and homey Sort of a mock person with a bang Is that what you meant? Well, I know what you were trying to do And if you'll grab would sound the way you would like to hear it. Sit down. Thank you Jack why make such an issue of it because I'm here to defend radio Radiography is bread and butter and a swimming pool All right kids. Let's do a nice sweet program like mr. Seldie's prefers Phil Is the harvest ready? Yeah, Jackson. The dame just came in All right now we'll take it right from the very beginning ready Don Let's go ladies and gentlemen the lucky strike program and Now dear listeners from Palm Springs one of the most beloved spots in the sunny state of California We bring you your genial Sunday night host Jack life can be beautiful Thank you. Thank you. Hello again. This is Jack Benny talking. May I come into your home for just a short half-hour? Thank you. Thank you. Thank you Well, Don hasn't our stay in Palm Springs been delightful Oh, it certainly has Jack and Don. I hope you want my commenting, but I just can't get over how thin you are You're so unobvious Really well Jack I may be less obese, sir, but I wish I had all your hair. Well, you know how it is now. We just can't have everything Well, look who's here Mary Livingston. Hello, everybody. Hello, Mary Oh How I love it and you're a grand little girl. How are you sweetheart? Oh, I'm just ginger peachy with a much it on top You always are and I'll say yes I'll never never be able to thank you for the beautiful necklace you gave me. Oh, it was nothing Nothing Jack. It's just like you to be so modest. What kind of a necklace did he give you Mary a string of 150 perfectly match day Well and imported from Anaheim Well, I always get the best thing, you know, I strung to myself. I wanted my violin strings. Oh No, gee, you shouldn't have taken Now you won't be able to play Well, just a minute, mr. Benny. I didn't mean sit down, mr. South you haven't seen anything yet Wait till Phil Harris comes in with a glass of milk here comes Philip now Oh Well, aren't you a little late? Yes Jason and I'm frightfully sorry But on the way down here I passed the most tempting little fruit juice stand and I just couldn't read this Having a glass of that sunk is orange juice or do I feel I thought you drank milk only a part is to be sourceable Jason. Oh You can't be an old dead hat, you know Say Phil we've had so many Quests from our listeners for you to sing a number on the program. How about doing one now? All right, I'll sing two courses if that's what I adore about Dixie. Oh That'll be just two two That's for the hard way Now wait a minute mr. Benny Evidence that you didn't understand the point You brought it on yourself now sit down Now where were we oh, yeah Say Phil before you do your number. I meant to ask you. It wasn't your first violinist with the Philadelphia Symphony Orchestra Yes for seven consecutive and I might add lucrative. Yes, I thought so and the gentleman there on the end Wasn't he associated with the Boston Symphony? Yes for three seasons. He played obese. That's all ball Thanks web sir You're welcome Phil as a matter of fact all your boys are symphony men. Aren't they? Yes And now come they all look like dogs Mr. Sally's apparently you haven't read your article in that squire Now go ahead Phil. Let's have you just a minute Jack first Do you mind if I say a few words about the one thing that is so near and dear to the hearts of each and every one of By all means in fact Jack I'd I'd like to sing it and have you assist me assist you yes with this bird whistle. Oh, you mean like this Yes, that's it. It's a deal go ahead Mft They'll watch your baton. Oh fudge. There's the phone. Oh, yes. Yes, Rochester. Why are you calling something's going wrong with the radio? What do you mean? Now Wilson got in you. Oh, well, Rochester. We're trying a new formula where everything is quiet and sweet Quiet and sweet. Yes. Well boys, you better get loud and funny. You're swirled bull ain't paid for you Yes, I guess you're right Rochester. Goodbye. Goodbye. I can just a minute But first here is my good friend mr. Effie boom My American Mft remember that when it comes to your cigarette Lsmft lucky strike means fine tobacco so round so firm so fully packed so free and easy on the draw Yes, in a cigarette It's the tobacco that counts and lucky strike means fine tobacco the finer the lighter the naturally milder lucky strike tobacco Lsmft this fine lucky strike tobacco means real deep down smoking enjoyment for you So smoke that smoke of fine tobacco lucky strike the famous tobacco auctioneers heard on tonight's programmer. Mr. Effie boom of Lexington, Kentucky And mr. LA speed rigs of Goldsboro, North Carolina Oh Rise they'll speaking for lucky strike Lsmft Lsmft Lsmft you get real deep down smoking enjoyment when you smoke that smoke of fine tobacco lucky strike So round so firm so fully packed so free and easy on the draw and mr. Sally's I want to thank you very much for being our guest here this evening now We did the program both ways our way in your way. Which did you like better? Well after being on your program. I admit my article was all wrong. You do yes jack. I think it's better when they insult you. I Knew you'd see it. Wait a minute. Mr. Saldee. Mr. Saldee. He's gone jack. Oh, well, I'll see him later. Good night, folks This is NBC the national broadcasting company