 Whether you're a full-on Swifty or an occasional listener, you have to admit Taylor Swift's new album, Midnights, relates to almost everyone in some way or another. The single, Anti-Hero, has a line that really inspired us. In the song, Taylor sings, Did you hear my covert narcissism? I disguise as altruism, like some kind of congressman. Taylor's oldest time. Now, psychologist Dr. Ramani did a breakdown of Taylor's Anti-Hero music video and mentioned that Taylor may not be using the term covert narcissism correctly. But this lyric got us thinking. Do narcissists disguise their narcissism as kindness? How do they do this? And what can we look out for? In 1987 and 1992, David Bus led two studies to determine the different manipulation tactics. His research revealed that there are six most common tactics used to manipulate others. So without further ado, here are six signs someone is faking kindness and masking narcissism based on Bus' studies. Let's go. Give them the ol' razzle-dazzle. One of our writers used to work at a bank and gave us some really cool insight. While you're working, you have to keep an eye out for everyone who might rob the bank. They're told to look out for overly shy, overly rude, and overly nice people. What? Yeah. In Bus' studies, charm was one of the most common manipulation tactics used on others. Essentially, the manipulator fakes good or is overly nice to distract you from what's really going on. Back to the bank robber example. It may not be the classic black ski mask and sacks of cash scenario you're used to, but what if a customer is overly nice to a teller to distract them from noticing he gave her a fake ID? This can also be a sign of a narcissist faking kindness. It's a ploy to distract you from their selfish priorities. Mum. A lot of parents tell us if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. Well, when does that go too far? Sometimes people will remain completely silent and won't even respond, even if directly addressed. This is famously known as the silent treatment, which is a second manipulation tactic Bus found. The 1998 study on the silent treatment defines the tactic as composed of mostly avoidance and eye contact and absence of verbal communication. During the study, participants were asked to list behaviors that happened while giving or receiving the silent treatment. The researchers found that when receiving the silent treatment, their participants felt that their need to belong, their self-esteem, their control and their status were all at risk with the person giving the silent treatment. Now add the narcissist. They understand this and use the silent treatment as a tactic to make others look to them for hits of dopamine like being included or getting approval. This in turn helps boost the narcissist's self-inflated ego with the cherry on top. Do you remember when you were a kid and you really wanted to convince your parents to do something? What did you do? You pulled out all the stops to convince them. So your friend is having a party and you want permission to sleep over afterwards. You might remind them how you haven't asked for anything in months, been doing all the chores or passing all of your classes and even how you've been responsible while driving the family car. You might even promise to help out with some extra stuff around the house just to be safe. This is similar to something narcissists use to manipulate others called coercion, which is Bess's third tactic. Coercion is defined by the API dictionary as the process of attempting to influence another person through the use of threats, punishment, force, direct pressure and other negative forms of power. So instead of giving reasons why someone should or shouldn't do something, you're basically making the person feel bad about themselves or blackmailing them in some way just to get what you want. This might look like a narcissistic parent saying, you won't help your mother bring in the groceries, fine. I'll take care of it myself. And when I'm done, you'll remember that you didn't help. Dark, I know. But this is a common tactic narcissists use to sneak around boundaries and still get that yes from you. It just makes sense. There are a lot of logic-based personalities out there. Check out our video on the MBTI personality types broken down to learn more about them. Sometimes narcissists can lean on logic to reason with someone and manipulate them. This is Bess's fourth tactic. Let's go back to our buddy, the bank robber. Instead of slipping the teller a fake ID, he decides on doing a full-on heist. But he needs a partner. He asks a friend, Leon, who immediately and rightfully, I might add, said no. To reason with Leon, the robber says that Leon will be able to pay off his debt, his bills, and move into a bigger home for his family. Now is this true? Not necessarily. And especially not if they get caught, but it is reasonable to say that if you have a lot of money, you can pay off debt and bills. High risk, high reward. That reasoning is how the robber is manipulating Leon. A narcissist can do the same to get what they'd like from you, especially if you're a sensible, logical person. Back in time. If you watched How I Met Your Mother, you know Barney Stinson loved a good challenge to pick up a lady. One challenge he took on was picking up a girl at a bar while talking and acting like a literal infant. Depending on who you are, this might be your deal. No kink shaming here, but if your partner is acting like a baby as a way to get what they want, that's a different story. Psychologist Sigmund Freud discovered this phenomenon of regression and found that this is an unconscious reversion to an earlier time in life. It can be either temporary or long-term. This is a defense mechanism to help cope with more difficult emotions and situations rather than working through them in a healthy manner. This could look like a narcissist whining and raising their voice to manipulate you into dropping the argument. This is the second to last tactic discovered by bus. You won't believe the last one. Now it's personal. The final tactic, bus uncovered, is debasement, which is a fancy way of saying, bringing you down. If a narcissist using debasement to manipulate you wrote anti-hero, the chorus might be, it's you, hi, you're the problem, it's you. Whether it's making fun of their appearance, their opinions, their hobbies, the narcissist will use anything and everything they can against you to make you feel small and bring you down. The narcissist's logic is that if you feel not good enough or lesser than, you'll see them as superior and follow or listen to them. Think Regina George from Mean Girls. She kept everyone close enough so they knew that they were in the inner circle, but she didn't sell them every so often so they continued doing things for her and seeking her approval. Taylor says she can't look directly in the mirror, but she just called out her biggest flaws and insecurities for millions to hear. Thanks, Taylor, for showing us how important self-reflection is. Now, all of this isn't to say the true kindness doesn't exist out there. We're simply bringing light to the fact that narcissists can take your kindness for granted or use it for their benefit. This is why it's so important to learn how to differentiate true and forced kindness. Are there any other telltale signs of a narcissist faking kindness that we didn't mention? Tell us below. If you made it to the end of this video, drop a hero emoji in the comments. As always, keep your eye on site for more Psych2Go content. Until next time.