 Welcome to Think Tech Hawaii, where community matters. This is Finding Respect in the Chaos, and I am Cynthia Lee Sinclair, and I'm so happy to have you guys here with us today, and I'd like to introduce you to my guests that are from the Teen Alert Program, which is a really important program. When we think about the things that are happening in schools right now, how important it is for us to teach young people how important healthy relationships are. And so I'm here today with Cassace Bellman and Lydia Grasso, and they work with teens in our local schools here. I was, first off, thank you guys for coming. I really appreciate everything that you do out there in the world, and it's just amazing. I got lucky enough to be invited out to Farrington High School yesterday to watch them in action, and so I have a little piece of video that I'm going to share with all of you so that you can get a feel for what they do in the classroom. Could you run that video for us, please? I'm Cynthia Lee Sinclair, and I'm here at Farrington High School, where we're going to be watching Top 808 do one of their presentations for the students here at the school. We've got an agency called the Domestic Violence Action Center. So we're here to basically educate you more about what is abuse, how to know if it's happening to yourself or to a friend, what resources are available, and also how you can maybe have a healthier relationship. So we want to make sure this is an interactive class. We're going to ask you folks to do some group work, watch a video, come up to the board, help us out with some stuff. We also want to make sure this is kind of like a talk story. So if you have questions, please let us know so that way we can address whatever your needs might be. All right, so we're going to play a game because nothing says, you know, what day is it? Thursday at 11 a.m., like a game of the emoji game. So basically what this is is our really high budget operation, clearly. So basically what we're going to do is we're going to read a statistic, and you guys are going to let us know if you think the statistic is true or if you think it's false, okay? Yes. Sound good? Yeah, I know that. Okay, ready? Let's read the first one. Okay, good. President or something. About 20% of high school students in Hawaii report being controlled or emotionally hurt over the past 12 months. All right, what you guys think? Is that true? Or is that false? False. Sorry to wait. Any questions for what I do? No. All right. Can you be an advocate too? Yes. Absolutely. How? I would tell them how I feel that because they are controlling me, I would ask them why do I have to be put down like this, and is there any way that you could probably not do that and change how you treat me and stuff like that? My name's Kevin. Hi, Kevin. Thanks for talking to us. I appreciate it. I love it. I want to pick one thing out of this class that you're going to walk away with that you really learned about healthy relationship, what would it be? Advocacy. Advocacy. And can you explain what that means to you, what it means to you? To make them feel comfortable, you know, help them to understand their choices and other things. I know. All right. Nicely done. We like to, you know, give the students the hope that they can be in healthy relationships. They can help each other out. They can be supportive to one another. And they can also help prevent violence in their communities and that it needs to start on that level so that we can have adults in the future who know how to properly treat it. It is so fun to watch. Even again, I get right back involved in it again. I left yesterday so excited about what you guys are doing and how important it is. I am a firm believer that we don't train them young. It's really too hard to train them when they get older. I should say retrain them when they get older. It's so much better to establish these healthy relationships right off the bat. Can you guys give us a little history about how TAP-808 even came into existence? Sure. So DVAC has been a long domestic violence action center, has been around for a long time. And around 1999, one of the VPs that is now retired, they realized in the agency that there was a need to really reach out and do prevention services, prevention education. Teens were experiencing things that were similar to what adults were experiencing, but at the time there was no service available. So in 1999 they started the teen alert program and around the year 2000 they actually started going out into the schools and giving prevention education workshops to youth in intermediate high schools and some college campuses. That's awesome. So you guys, can you kind of share some statistics with us about teens, what are we looking at as far as, I know it's like one in three women and I know the adult statistics but I don't know the statistics for kids. Yeah, so it's actually pretty similar except it's one in three youth in general. So it's not just the women that are experiencing or female identifying individuals, it's youth in general are experiencing about one in three nationally. In Hawaii it's about 32.6% of high school students in Hawaii have experienced emotional abuse or are being controlled in the past 12 months. Wow, 33% that's just staggering to think that it's that pervasive and wow. Okay, so tell us about some of your programs if you wouldn't mind, right? I know you have not a new one but one that you guys are focusing on right now, young love is real love I think is what you guys called it, right? Yeah, so we're focusing on this new theme or this age old theme of young love is real love because a lot of the time when you think about high schoolers and their relationships and a lot of the times when we talk to them, one of the things that they say is oh no one takes my relationship seriously, I don't get enough credit, oh it's just young love it's as if that's a bad thing. And so we're trying to redefine that narrative and say actually you can have healthy relationships at any age, it doesn't matter if you're in middle school, if you're in high school or if you're 50 years old because when we ignore it, when we say oh it's you're too young to actually be in love then it creates a culture where teen relationships and thus teen dating violence isn't taken seriously. So that's what we're really trying to promote is this idea that it is possible to have healthy relationships and that tap it away and other people are here for you. So when you guys go out into the schools can you share with us some of the specific programs that you mean like I love the little emoji game, I thought that was really cute. But stuff like that, so what kind of things do you teach the kids and how do you kind of teach them because kids are so hard to get their attention anyway, right? Well, I think Lydia especially has done a great job of really bringing in activity based curriculum. So we're really kind of not just filling them with information and knowledge, we're really affirming even in relationship with this young love is real love theme, we are affirming what they already know, right? That their relationships are meaningful and they are very real to them so they should be real to everyone else. So the activities are really just an affirmation of that and really us imparting the knowledge that statistics are saying but we also want to know what's going on in your school and your community and you tell us and then let us know how we can support you. So the emoji paddles is around statistics, right? But then we also have activities where they can identify types of abuse, they can identify tactics of those types of abuse, they can identify warning signs, what else? What other activities? We also do activities where like we have them kind of come up with a practical way that they can speak to a friend who's experiencing abuse so we'll give them a quote and they have to kind of like come up with a response or a friend who's being abusive. Right, I think that's really an important thing too. When I was interviewing that one gal at the end there and she had said when I asked her what was one thing that you could do and she said I would tell them, you know, this isn't okay, is there a better way that you could treat me? Absolutely. And I thought she was paying attention, not so great because kids need to know this. So often, like I wish someone had taught me these things when I was younger because I didn't learn that and I ended up in an abusive relationship later on and it took me years before I learned how to stand up and say, hey wait, isn't there a better way you could treat me? And so I'm really excited to hear that kids are starting to learn these programs because this girl, I mean it was the first thing out of her mouth when I asked her what's one thing and she's like, well I could tell them to stop. I applaud, yes, empower the kids. With all the new gender questioning and stuff that's going on with young people now being able to come out and talk about these things, how does that affect your guys' work? Well, we're a completely inclusive program and I would like to note that many of these things are not new ideas right around sexual orientation, gender identity. It's just that we have a generation now that is giving language to things that have always existed. But the fact that our program is completely inclusive, we try to keep everything gender neutral. When you look at statistics in the Hawaii Youth Risk Behavior Survey, you see that boys are experiencing it at rates that most people wouldn't even believe. And so it is really our, I believe our responsibility as a program to make sure that young boys, young masculine-identified individuals, young male-identified individuals feel comfortable coming forward at the same rates that feminine or female-identified individuals feel comfortable coming forward. And that's a responsibility of all, but especially for the young people. I agree. I think that's great that you guys are doing that because I know that some of the outreach programs that I have seen don't include and aren't so inclusive and they're not as effective. So our questioning in an open way now where they didn't used to be able to do that and so I think that's really important to be able to get out there. So you guys have been around since 1999. Who was the one who first came out with all this? Whose idea was it? Do you know? Well, I mean, I think it was pretty collaborative at the Domestic Violence Action Center, but I know the former VP of the COE department, I'll ask that. I think it's Community Outreach Education Department within DBAC was the one who, she helped develop many of the programs that are at Domestic Violence Action Center. And so she was really instrumental. Interestingly enough, though, Kay Lee, the guy that everyone was talking about, she was one of the first to come out. And so she was really instrumental. Interestingly enough, though, Kay Lee, the guy that everyone just saw. Oh, right. And I forgot to introduce him. I'm sorry. No, no, it's okay. Kay Lee, the other outreach educator, he has actually been with Domestic Violence Action Center and the teen program for almost 13 years now. So is it almost 13 or almost 14? He's coming up on either 13 or 14 years. So he's been around almost since the beginning. So he's seen a lot of changes, a lot of the trends change. He's been around for a lot of that. It's unfortunate. It's great. Yeah, he couldn't be on here today to share how some of the trends have changed over the years because they really have. Next show, because I want you guys to come back again. Okay. Give me an update about how things are going and the kind of progress you guys are making, because I know it's going to be amazing. Absolutely amazing. So can you tell me about maybe a couple more of your programs, like some of the stuff that you do with the kids, like the emoji game and like the other one? And just I think it's important to maybe for everyone out there to hear about these things too. But first, wait, I'd like to know, are you guys in all of the schools? Did you have trouble getting into the schools? Do you have trouble getting into some of the schools? How about that instead? So we'll go to whatever school invites us. Okay. And we've been really fortunate. So, you know, a special shout out to some of our schools that we go to all the time, like Kamehameha and Waipahu and... Waianae. Waianae High School and Intermediate. And then other schools, you know, we're trying to get into and we found we're always trying to get into more and more schools because the more students we can talk to, like the more likely we can do that. Absolutely. So do you hear that out there, people? I want you to invite these guys into your school because what they're doing is really important. And we need to take a break, but I'm really hoping you'll stay with us. I'm here with PAP808, which is the teen alert program here in Hawaii. This is Think Tech Hawaii. I'm Cynthia Lisa and Claire, please stay with us. Hey, that's you. I want to know will you watch my show? I hope you do. It's on Tuesdays at one o'clock and it's out of the comfort zone. And I'll be your host, R.E.B. Kelly. See you there. Hello, everyone. I'm DeSoto Brown, the co-host of Human Humane Architecture, which is seen on Think Tech Hawaii every other Tuesday at 4 p.m. And with the show's host, Martin Desbang, we discuss architecture here in the Hawaiian Islands and how it not only affects the way we live, but other aspects of our life, not only here in Hawaii, but internationally as well. So join us for Human Humane Architecture every other Tuesday at 4 p.m. on Think Tech Hawaii. Welcome back. This is Think Tech Hawaii, where community matters. You're watching Finding Respect in the Chaos. I am Cynthia Lisa and Claire. And I am here with some of the TAP808 teen, which is the teen alert program. I'm here with Cache. Sorry, I almost said it wrong. And Lydia. And I'm so happy to have you guys here. I really appreciate that you've come out. I know that there is something going on in February called a teen violence, no. Help me out with this. Teen dating violence awareness month. And I think there's maybe a lot of people that don't know about that. I know for me, I was like, what? And I'm pretty up on all these things. And I still had not ever heard of it. So would you please go ahead and explain what teen dating violence awareness month is all about? Yeah, teen dating violence awareness month is basically, it's a month where we really take the time to celebrate healthy relationships and also talk about some of the challenges of dating and really give teens the opportunity to do that conversation, to lead that conversation. Because we love going to the schools, but they're the experts. Yeah, they're the ones who are experiencing it. So it's really a chance to hear them. Right. And it's been around for a while this teen dating violence awareness month in February. I did never know that. I mean, we hear about Black History Month, but we don't really hear about this. I think it's important to start hearing about it and to really get the word out, which is why I'm really glad that you guys came out today. This has been really amazing for me, anyway, to have you guys here. Why don't you share with me if there's something really important that you would like the public to know about some of the things you're doing here in February, some of the extra programs that you've got, like that. Well, we kicked off February or Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month with going to Big Island, was it? And we were at Cal. And why Cal? Why Cal? So that's how we kicked it off. Those were the first two days of Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month. And then we've just been really trying to do a lot of lunch rallies. What else have we done this month? Lunch rallies, wait, explain what a lunch rally is, because that sounds fun. It is fun. So a lunch rally is where we basically tap it away, comes out at lunch, usually on a school campus that we are already on. And we set up tables, we have prizes, we have games, we have a spinning wheel, we have a card game, where they get to test their knowledge kind of about the issue of Teen Dating Violence and Healthy Relationships. We gave away some Jamba Juice gift cards at one of the lunch rallies. And it's really fun, the kids have a good time and they like the prizes, but it's really good that we're getting the actual information out there too. Right, something that will catch them, right? Exactly. So what kind of future plans? Where are you guys going from here? I mean, what kind of stuff is in the works for Tap 808? Lots of stuff. Yeah, we have a lot of cool stuff coming out. Well, I think that, you know, there's some things that we're kind of trying to create like we're really working on a youth advisory council which Cache has really like spearheaded and really helped to like create it. I'm just trying to figure out what the best way to like, you know, get youth to be engaged in the issue beyond just, you know, in that classroom but really helping them to be advocates on their campuses. So that's kind of one of the biggest things I think we're working on right now. It seems like a sort of a nationwide thing that's happening to kids. High school kids are raising up and saying no more, right? No more violence in our schools. No more violence in our relationships. They really are finding their voice. And I know we're sort of far removed from it here in Hawaii than in Florida, say, but I think it's important to get it going here for across the board. So do you guys have any plans to like put this into maybe the legislature, maybe starting to get some real political action going to with this? Around the issue of teen dating violence. Well, you know, I don't, you know, if legislation stopped the violence, we wouldn't be having this conversation, right? So I don't know, I don't, you know, we're in one program of Domestic Violence Action Center. Domestic Violence Action Center does, you know, spearheaded by our wonderful ED, Nancy Creedman, you know, really assesses what issues in the legislature they will kind of stump for, for lack of a better word, or just support. And so, but I do think that, you know, there is kind of this movement happening right now, not just amongst young adults, but of youth and minors, that are saying, you know, we don't not have a voice just because we can't vote yet, right? And so it's time to listen to us, and it's also time for you to actually be the adults and be examples for us. So one of the issues with teen dating violence is that they are emulating or imitating the things that they are seeing around them. And so if they don't have examples of healthy relationships, they won't know how to have a healthy relationship. And that's just a reality. And so I think it's important for young people in high school, in intermediate school, in elementary school to say, these are the examples that we want to see, and this is what you owe us. This is your responsibility as an adult. And if you won't listen, we will make you listen. I love what's happening. I love it. That is a great narrative, and that's what I want to see, too, is kids rising up and saying, wait a minute, no more. If the parents can't get it right, let's let those kids have a voice to say no more, because if they can learn it in the schools, do you guys go to the elementary schools, too, or do you just go to the high schools? We work in intermediate schools sometimes, so we work at King Intermediate a lot, as well as others, and so, like we said, we'll go to anyone that invites us. So it is really cool to see that there's a statistic. I think it's in the 20s of middle schoolers in Hawaii are experiencing, have experienced, emotional abuse in the past 12 months. So middle schoolers are dating, right? So we also will try to go to as many intermediate schools as possible, and we really appreciate those conversations, because a lot of the time, by the time they're graduating or they're in college, it's not too late. That's kind of a pessimistic way of looking at it. So at Cache, you only go with it. No, that's realistic. In a way, it's realistic, right? So if we can start that conversation as young as possible, we run at that opportunity. And I would like to plug, if people would like to see the actual statistics for intermediate students, they can Google Hawaii Youth Risk Behavior Survey, and they can read, this is a survey given every other year by the Department of Health that is available to the public that people can track how intermediate and high schoolers in the state of Hawaii, they have a state one and as well as one for every county, how they are experiencing teen dating violence. Oh, well, what's that site again? So just go to Google and type in Hawaii Youth Risk Behavior Survey. Hawaii Youth Risk Behavior Survey. You'll hear people call it YRBS for sure. YRBS? Okay. It's easy to remember YRBS. If you can remember with the letters. Exactly. Can't just put that in the Google search though anyway. Oh, it might come up. I don't know. Give it a try, let us know. Hey, great. So I used to go out to grammar schools and to intermediate schools and I only went to a couple of high schools, but I worked with a lot of high school kids as a United Methodist minister for many years and I would go out and this is back in the 80s, okay? And nobody talked about it back then really. There was so much shame involved and I think that the Me Too movement has really removed the shame from survivors being able to talk about what's happened to them or to be able to have the rest of the world look at it without shaming the victim. So how do you guys do that? I know that shaming the victim is such a big issue that needs to be broken up and kicked out. I think, well, we talk a lot about shame in that we discuss why people stay in abusive or unhealthy relationships, why it's really difficult for them to leave, why it may take more than one time for them to leave. I think part of, in stepping away from particular movements oftentimes the shame still lies with certain groups of people. So we know one of the intersections is the more marginalized you are, the more difficult it is to not feel that shame or to come out and speak about your truth. So for instance, in the adult realm of DV, right, we know this narrative of one of the reasons why many women stay in their abusive relationships with husbands or male partners is because oftentimes they have not been able to establish themselves financially, right? So financial abuse is a very common type of abuse. If I don't have those financial resources, then it may do even more to keep me in that relationship. So we have to do a better job in society with restructuring our systems so that they support victims and survivors in getting out. And one of those systems is the education system, right? Our students, our youth have to feel comfortable coming forward and telling their stories and not feeling like they're going to be victim-blamed, which we talk about, not feeling like they're going to be shamed or feel like, you know, this is just another re-traumatization. Right, which it so often is. I call it the one-day-I'll-be-good-enough syndrome. A lot of times it'll keep women there or even kids there. It's like, well, one day I'll be good enough and she'll stop. I mean, one day I'll be good enough and she'll stop when they need to learn that they're already good enough. Absolutely. Well, the problem doesn't belong to them. The problem belongs to the abuser. Absolutely. And until we can kind of help that narrative get established out in the greater community, which is what I think you guys are so important doing because you're establishing that for the next generation that comes out. They're not going to come out with that shame-the-victim stuff that's been present for so long. And I think that's what perpetuates that shame. I know it was as a victim of domestic violence to come out about it in the early 80s was like there were no services, there was none of that. For sure. And I'm happy to see it all. I'm no longer a lone voice crying in the wilderness. There's everybody out here with me crying along too. Absolutely. And I love it because there's power in numbers. There's strength in numbers and there's healing in the telling. Absolutely. So when we can do that, right, we can make some progress. You guys are making progress. Thank you. We just have another minute left here. Okay. So I would love it if you guys have one last thing you would like to say to the people out there. Well, I think the only thing I want to leave everyone with and Lydia knows I love quotes, right? That's true. So one of my favorite actresses is Viola Davis and something that she said that goes with what you were just saying is I was born worthy, right? You don't have to earn your worthiness. And so I think what I would want to leave with all of society but especially our youth is you don't have to keep proving how worthy you are to yourself or to others. You are already, you were born worthy. And so please reach out to us if you need to. Give us, give us the contact. Yeah, definitely. Our Instagram is at Tina Lertt program. So definitely Instagram has DM us if you have questions or if you're like Simon, you know, whatever. So also our website is www.top808.org. If you want to request a presentation, you can go through that or our email which is teen at stoptheviolence.org. So yeah, definitely reach out to us. Let us know if you have any questions. If you have friends who are experiencing violence or if you're a parent who's like, how do I talk to my kid about this? We definitely want to provide as many resources as possible to the community. Awesome. I want to thank you guys so much for what you do. Thank you. Yeah, thanks so much for bringing us on. For coming out. I want to, I want to have you back for sure. I want to thank everybody out there for joining us today. At the bottom of the screen with all of those numbers and things that you guys saw, there's a website here to or an email that you guys, survivorcentralatthinktechcovid.com. This is a safe place for survivors to come and tell their stories and a place for advocates to come out and share important resources just like this one here. Today's episode was stop, tap out, sorry, tap out dating violence. And I love that. The tap is the teen alert program and we need to tap out dating violence without a doubt. This has been Finding Respect in the Chaos on Think Tech, Hawaii, and I am Cynthia Lee Sinclair and I hope you will join us here next time, week from Friday. No, sorry, every other Friday. Every other Friday at three o'clock. Come back again.