 Craft presents the great gilder sleeve Cheese company who also bring you Bing Crosby every Thursday night presented week at this time Harold Perry is the great gilder sleeve written by John Wheaton We'll hear from the great gilder sleeve in just a moment I'm sure you've all noticed how everybody has pitched in since last December 7th working harder than ever before No, it didn't take us Americans long to see we had to work to win Yes, and hard work burns up lots of energy, energy that has to be replaced by the food we eat. So I'm sure you'll want to know about a wholesome energy food that your family is sure to like. That food is delicious parquet margarine. The economical spread for bread made by Cratt, and it's one of the best energy food you can serve. What's more, parquet is a reliable year-round source of important vitamin A. Yes, parquet margarine is mighty good for you, and you'll find it mighty good tasting too. Parquet is the margarine that tastes so deliciously good you'll really want to serve it. So tomorrow ask your dealer for a pound or two of parquet, P-A-R-K-A-Y. Parquet margarine made by Cratt. Now let's join our friend, the great gilder sleeve, who stands this morning on the threshold of a new career. He comes down to breakfast with a spring in his step and a light in his eye. So this is the day of his inauguration as water commissioner of Summerfield. Ready now? Here he comes. And don't forget to bow. Good morning, commissioner. Good morning, slaves. Marjorie, Leroy. Good morning, one and all. Leroy, pull out the commissioner's chair, boys. Sure. Light this way, commissioner. Thank you, my boy. Won't you sit down? No tricks now. No, sir. There we are. What's this in front of my place? A nose gap? No, sir. No, sir. There we are. What's this in front of my place? A nose gap? For your buttonhole. Oh, that was sweet of you, my dear. Or did Leroy pick these posies? Are you kidding? You better start writing, Uncle Mort. Birdie's making waffles. Waffles? Yes, sir. Coming right up. Uh-oh, Birdie. You're psychic. Yes, sir. I think I must be. The things that go on. What things, Birdie? Well, I dream last night, Miss Gilles' sleeve, and I sure wish you'd explain it. What was it, Birdie? Well, I dreamt there was a globe of the world, and then I saw Mr. Wilkie running around in like mad. Well, you've been reading the newspapers. Go on. And then I saw Miss Roosevelt, and she was running around the world, too. Yeah? And what is it you don't understand, Birdie? Who is trying to catch who? Oh, Birdie. You're going to let the international situation ruin those waffles? Oh, my goodness. Well, I spent a very interesting and profitable evening myself last night, children. Wow. Well, to prepare for my new post as water commissioner, I took the encyclopedia to bed with me. And do you know? I found some things in there I never even knew before. Oh, you probably just forgot, Amon. What were you looking up, Uncle Mort? Water. Do you know, Marjorie, that three-fourths of the Earth's surface is covered with water? Really? I think you'd better drink your orange juice, Uncle Mort. The waffles are waiting. Yes, sir. Three-fourths of the Earth's surface. Water. What do you think of that? Too much water. There's no such thing as too much water. Water is very important. Did you ever stop to think young man where Columbus would have been without water? I don't know. Home and bed, I guess. He'd have been high and dry. And you and I wouldn't be here today. You won't get to the office today if you don't stop talking and eat, Commissioner. Oh, you're right, my dear. Bertie, if those waffles are ready, I am. Coming right up, Miss Gil, please. Water. Yes, water is very important. People don't appreciate water. Here you are, Miss Gil, please. Bertie, do you know what James Watt couldn't have invented the steam engine without? No, sir. Water. Absolutely. He's lucky they gave him some. I think you've got water on the brain. All right, you can laugh, young man. But water is one of the most important things in the world. Now you take Robert Fulton, invented the steamboat, 1807. Couldn't have done it without water. Duit, Clinton, Erie Canal, 1825. Water. Ponce de Leon, the Fountain of Youth. Water. Valboa, the Pacific. Water. The Monitor in the Merrimack. Water. Bertie, bring me some more water. Uncle Mort, I don't want to change the subject. Yeah? Look, can we have a weenie roast today? Who's we? Me and Piggy and the gang. We're going on a hike. Well, I guess so. But it's all right with Bertie. Gee, thanks, Uncle. You picked kind of a hot day for a hike, though, didn't you? Well, we didn't know it was going to be so hot. You'd never think it was the middle of October, would you? Well, we usually get one late hot spell, my dear. And by the way, speaking of heat, do you know how many days a camel can go without water? I'm thinking of water, Uncle Mort. Do you know what time it is? Oh, my goodness. I've got to be going. I can't be late the first day on the job. Don't forget your flowers, Uncle Mort. Here, let me put them in your buttonhole. Oh, thank you, my dear. Oh, and your tie is crooked. It is? There. And what about your handkerchief? They're right in my pocket. Oh, it should stick out a little. Oh. Now, you look more like a water commissioner. Oh, thank you, my dear. Well, you're all set, I guess. Good luck. Yeah, good luck, huh? Thank you. What is it? Have you forgotten something? No, I was just wondering. Wondering what? What on earth does a water commissioner do? Good morning, Mrs. Ransom. Are you leaving so early? As a matter of fact, I'm not early. I'm late. Well, I won't keep you then. I just came over to wish you success. Oh, thank you. And to bring your flower for your buttonhole. Oh, but I see you've already got one. I guess some other gal is... There's always room for one more flower, I mean. Oh, well, I brought you a bachelor's button because you're set to die in the wool bachelor. Well, I may be died in the wool, but I'm not dead yet. Yeah, I gotta go, Leela, I gotta go. Oh, wait a minute, Throckmorton. Let me put this flower in your buttonhole. Oh, thank you. Oh, Leela? Yes, Throckmorton? Did you know that a cubic foot of water weighs 62 and a half pounds? Mr. Gildersleeve? Oh, hello, P.D. I'm in a hurry. Gotta get down to the office. I'd like some cigars. I guess we can fix you up, Mr. Gildersleeve. You want the usual, I suppose. Yes, the perfectos. I'll take three. How have you been? Well, to tell you the truth, Mr. Gildersleeve. Not so good, eh? Well, I'll tell you what to do. You want to drink more water? More water? Yes, everybody ought to drink more water. Half the troubles of this world would be eliminated, P.B., if people drank more water. Well, no, I wouldn't say that. It's true. You could take all those medicines you've got there and pour them down the sewer for all the good they'll do. Water, that's the thing. You ought to drink 10 or 12 glasses of it every day. Well, no, that's a lot of water. Best thing in the world for you? I'll tell you something, P.B. Do you know that the human body is 90% water? Is that a fact? Absolutely, 90% water. Well, then I don't see why we should drink any more. I haven't got time to argue with you, P.B. Those are the facts you can take and relieve. How much is that? 30 cents. And one is 31. Have you got a penny? That darn penny. No, I haven't. I don't want to leave you with the impression that I have anything against water, Mr. Gildersleeve. I usually take some with every meal. So does Mrs. P.B. It's all right, all right. Give me my change. I'm late now. You understand. It's just that I believe in moderation. P.B., you'll die of moderation. Well, now I wouldn't... Goodbye, P.B. Pardon me. Could you tell me where the office of the water department is? Right down the hall. Do you see where that fellow is painting the name on the door? Oh, yes, much obliged. And it's my name, too. Name on the door and everything. Water department, Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve. Pardon me, son. No, no, no. I was just admiring your work. Well, it ain't art, maybe, but it's a living sort of. Yes, it's just one thing. I'm afraid you've made a slight error. Maybe you could do it better. Oh, no, no, no. I have no fault to find with your technique. It's the spelling. There's another E in Gildersleeve. Well, don't tell me. This is the way she gave it to me. But I haven't... This is the way she gave it to me. I've got it on a piece of paper. I got it on a piece of paper, too. My birth certificate. I don't know about that, son. This is the way she spelled it. If you've got any complaints, you'll have to take it up with her. Her? Who's her? The old hatchet face inside. Boy, I've met some bossy games in my time. Even married ones. But that old battleaxe takes the marbles. We'll soon see who's running this department. Can I get through here? Don't smear it now. Oh, uh... Miss. Madam. I'll be with you in just a moment. Oh, excuse me. You'll find an application form there on the counter. Just fill it out. But I don't want to... I'm sorry. That's the rule of service without an application. You don't understand. My name on the first line, please. Last name, first, then first, name and middle initial. Look, is this the water department? That's right. There'll be the positive two dollars, which will be deducted from your first month's bill. My dear woman, do you see this door? Oh! Oh, no, you went and spoiled it. Sorry. You see that name? Throckmorton P. Gildersleeve. That's me. Oh. Oh, won't you come in, Mr. Gildersleeve? Uh, thank you. You'll follow me. I'll show you to your office. Well, nice little layout here. Small but cozy. I beg your pardon. I said it was cozy. Oh. Maybe I'm wrong. And I'll meet and introduce myself. I'm Miss Fitch. Oh, how do you do, Miss Fitch? I have been 33 years with the water department and never missed a day. That's a shame. I think you ought to get a day off. May I assure you of my every cooperation? If there's anything you want, please ring for me. I cleared out the desk. You'll find a coat, closet, wash basin in there. The phone works on a buzzer. I go to lunch at 12.30. Oh, Miss Fitch, just a moment. Yes? Who's the old geezer in the picture there? He was Summerfield's first water commissioner. Oh. Funny-looking old coot, wasn't he? He happened to be my father. You. I'm sorry. The picture probably didn't do him justice. Well, it wasn't all that it might have been. Miss Fitch. Yes? Don't leave me alone in here. I'm afraid I don't understand. I'm new here. I don't know the first thing about this. What do I do? Do? Now that I'm commissioner, shouldn't I be doing something? Mr. Clannaghan never did. He always left things to me. I always suspected Clannaghan of that. I'm sorry, Mr. Guilders-Leave. If my services are not satisfactory, I should be glad to tender my resignation. Oh, no, I didn't mean that. You're perfectly satisfactory, Miss Fitch. You're wonderful. It's just that, well, if I'm commissioner, I think I ought to be doing something, going over the bills or something. Well, it's never been handled that way. But if you insist, I've been getting up a list of the delinquents. Delinquents? Delinquents. You mean people who haven't paid their bills? Yes. Oh, let's have a look at that. That ought to be fun. I'll bring it in. Thank you. Where is he? Where's Guilders-Leave? Just a moment, please. Did you wish to see someone? Yes, and there he is. Guilders-Leave. Hello, Judge. How did you get in? I walked in. Guilders-Leave, I want an explanation. Judge, you've come to the right place. What do you want explained? We explain anything. I want to know why my water was turned off. Oh, well, we'll have to look into this. Water turned off, eh? You know darn well it was turned off. I'll have to take this up with our Miss Pitch. I'll ring for it. Sit down. I don't want to sit down. All right, stand up. I don't want to stand up. You don't have to put on this act with me, Throckmorton. I know what's back of this. It's spiked, pure, and simple. No, Judge, there isn't an ounce of spiked my whole nature, and you know it. You're just like every other small-time politician. The minute you get a little authority, you start making a petty nuisance of yourself. I'll tell you what's wrong with you, Guilders-Leave. You're drunk with power. Did you want to be, Mr. Guilders-Leave? Oh, yes, Miss Pitch. Have you that list of people who haven't paid their bills? Yes, right here. Eh, you're sure you're not just a teensy bit delinquent, Judge? Are you accusing me of not paying my bills, Guilders-Leave? Such a thing is liable, remember? I'm not accusing you of anything, Judge. Let's look at the record. Of course there might have been some mistake. Not with our Miss Pitch. I mean it might have slipped my mind. Oh, starting to crawl, eh? Let's see. E-F-G. Oh, here are the H's. And low Judge Hooker's name let all the rest. With $11.86. Is that right, Miss Pitch? That's right, Mr. Guilders-Leave. And Mr. Clanahan's last instructions were to stop service on all unpaid bills. Oh, Clanahan. That explains it. No, Judge. The $11.86 explains it. Well, get somebody over there and have the water churned on right away, will you? Glad to, Judge. The minute you pay up. As a matter of fact, Gildy, I haven't got the cash on me. It's Saturday. The bank's closed. To tell you what I'll do, I'll put a check in the mail Monday. Good. We'll be glad to resume service as soon as we receive anything. You mean you're going to let me go without water all weekend? Sorry, Judge. It's got to be on the line. But you know my credit's good, Gildy. It was an oversight. I'm sorry, Judge, but this is a public office and I propose to discharge it without fear or favor. Especially where you're concerned. All right, Gildy. I won't forget this. The man is drunk with power. The old goat, I guess that'll teach him a lesson. Did you mean what you said, Mr. Gildersleeve, about no favors for anyone? Of course I meant it. Absolutely. They don't pay up. Shut off their water. Why? Because, well, have you looked at that list under the G's? Under the G's? Under the G's? Oh, my goodness, Gildersleeve. The Great Gildersleeve will be with us again in a few seconds. If your food budget has a way of getting out of line these days, don't despair. If you're resourceful, you'll find good many foods that save you money, yet meet your requirements of flavor and nourishment, too. One of these economy foods surely is wholesome parquet margarine, the delicious bread for bread made by crab. Using parquet margarine is one economy your family is sure to approve. They'll really go for parquet's delicate, appetizing flavor when you serve it as a spread for bread or rolls. They'll appreciate the extra flavor parquet adds to baked and pan-fried foods. Besides, parquet margarine is an economical source of important food elements. It's a wholesome, nourishing energy food, and every pound contains 9,000 units of important vitamin A. Yes, you can economize wisely when you use parquet margarine. So why not give it a try in your household? Tomorrow, sure, ask your food dealer for parquet. P-A-R-K-A-Y. Parquet, the margarine that's made by crab. And now let's get back to the Great Gilder Sleeve. After a light lunch at the Idle Hour tea shop, he returns to the town hall ready to pitch in for a good afternoon's work. Well, don't you take Saturday afternoons off, Miss Fish? Not when there's work to be done. That's the spirit I like to see. By George, I think you and I are going to get along. I'm glad you think so. You know, I was thinking during lunch, Miss Fish, there's a lot of changes that ought to be made around here. They seem to have been started already. What do you mean? There are some people in your office. People? Women. Women? Two of them. Two? They walked right in. They said they knew you. Well, I can't imagine. I don't know any women, do I? What is this? Let's try. Oh, Uncle Mord, help us move the desk, will you? Yes, you're so strong. We could hardly budge. Well, wait a minute. Wait a minute. What's going on here? We're going to pick up your offer for you, Uncle Mord. We've got it all planned. Yes, it needs a woman's touch, Throckmorton. It really does. Now, you take that portrait there. It's... It simply got to go. I mean, it's too ridiculous. Be quiet. It's her father out there. In all my dear, if that portrait goes, I go. I'm not kidding. She'd throw me right out. Sit behind the desk, Uncle Mord, so we can see how you look in the corner. Look, I've got work to do here. Oh, it won't take a minute, Throckmorton. Come on now. That's a good boy. Oh, I think he looks wonderful in the corner. Don't you, Marjorie? Yes. Yes, he does. I think we ought to let him stay there. And now climb up on the desk, will you, Throckmorton, and hold this material up beside the window? Now, really, I've got work to do. Oh, now it won't take but it did, see? Marjorie and I shopped for these chins all over town, didn't we, honey? That's right. Oh, I think it's just the smartest thing. Now, climb up. That's right. And hold it up high. Is this high enough? Yes, Miss Bitch. Mr. Powers of the Indicator, Vindicator to see me. Oh, my goodness. He probably wants to interview me. Let me get down off of here. Let me down off of here. Let me give you a hand, Mr. Goldfleet. Hello, Mr. Powers. Doing a little fancy work? Yeah. Up to Daisy, Mr. Powers. You know, Narjorie, my niece. Yeah, well, yes, indeed, yes. And Mrs. Ransom. Well, how do you do, Mrs. Ransom? How do you do? Oh, I think newspapers are so fascinating, Mr. Powers. Hey, Helen. I've been intending to subscribe to your publication right along. Well, uh, all I'm glad to welcome a new subscriber. Yes, yes. Oh, but somehow, every time the boy comes around, seems like I haven't got my handbag with me. Well, I'm sorry you have to be going, ladies. Yes, we really must. Oh, must we? And Miss Fitch will show you out, won't you? Gladly. Goodbye, Mr. Powers. Goodbye, Mr. Ransom. Goodbye. Goodbye. That's a great girl that needs of yours, Mr. Gilda Sleeve. She's got a lot of stuff on the ball. Yes, she's a fine girl, Marjorie. Uh, who's the, uh, um... Oh, she's a friend of the family. Oh, I see, a friend of the family. Yes, neighbor of ours. Mmm, neighbor. Right next door. Well, I'll tell you what I dropped around for, Mr. Gilda Sleeve. Cigar? Uh, no, thanks. You don't mind if I... Oh, of course not. Go ahead. Here's a map. Thank you. Uh, I suppose you want an interview. Well, I... Well, you've heard the old saying, Mr. Powers, and you broom sweeps clean. I propose to get rid of all the dead wooden inefficiency here and run this department without fear or favor for anybody. That's fine, Mr. Gilda Sleeve. I'm glad to hear that. But I came over here with something else in mind. Oh, what's that? Has it ever occurred to you, Mr. Gilda Sleeve, that the reservoir of this town offers a beautiful opportunity for sabotage? Sabotage? By George, I never thought of that. The state highway goes right by there, you know. Why, it'd be the easiest thing in the world to heave a dead cat out of a car or something. You bet it would. Yes, sir. I've been trying to get something done about guarding it. You know, only the other day a man passed me on the street with a very suspicious face. It was about 5.30. I was coming home to dinner, and I don't know. He just looked suspicious. That's all. Is that so? Well, I finally got Charlie Gates in. Did Charlie Gates? The chief of police. Oh. He's coming out to the reservoir this afternoon to look over the ground, and I thought if you weren't too busy, maybe you'd like to come along. I'll get my hat and be right with you. Miss Bitch, if anybody asks for me, I'll be out at the reservoir. Very well. On second thought, if anybody asks, don't tell them. It's a military secret. You see how easy it would be, chief? Up around the next bend here, the road isn't 20 feet from the reservoir. I know that. You don't have to tell me that. Just a question of man, I haven't got the force to do it. Well, maybe you ought to call for volunteers then. You know, like fire watchers. Yeah, water watchers. Wait a minute. Stop the car. Huh? What's up? There's somebody down there right now. What? Well, he's right. Four or five of them, right down to the water. In the reservoir? Where? I can't see them. A-Y-R, you don't move. I got you surrounded. Don't get them, chief. I'll stay here and guard the car. They're running for it. You'll never catch them. Huh? Uh-oh. Run up and jump in the water. Drag him out of there, chief. Drag him out. He's got them. Can you imagine that polluting the reservoir? He ought to get 10 years for that. Definitely sure. I'm going to see that there's a penalty for this if there isn't one already. Say, it's only a kid. He's naked. But they're all kids. I thought they'd been swimming. Swimming? Yes. Get your clothes on, young man. You're in jail, young man. This is the police station. This is what is known as the clink. I can't say. The chief himself doesn't know yet. He's gone to look up the law. But you deserve to be locked up. Oh, gee, it wasn't my fault, honk. They dared me to be other kids. They said I was scared. That's no excuse and you know it. Yeah, I know it. People drink that water. Do you realize that? Do you? Yeah. Why'd you do it then? I guess you didn't. You ought to know better than to go into the water at this time of the year anyway. So wonder you didn't freeze. I did. That's why they dared me. Well, dare or no dare, young man. This is a very serious offense. It's terrible. I just don't see how you could do such a thing to me. My first day in office, too. What do people think? My own nephew? What'll the newspapers say? I'm sorry, honk. I guess I'm just no good. Oh, now, now, Leroy. Not a capital offense. But it's pretty bad. Particularly in wartime. And calm down. I'm going to have a hold over the general court, Mr. Gouldersleeve. The penalty for that seems to be $25 fine, 30 days in jail, or both. Both? That's ridiculous. After all, it was nothing but a boyish prank. He hit crime. Be quiet, Leroy. Mr. Gouldersleeve, I don't make the laws here. I just carry them on. Of course. Quite right, Gates. Well, when does the juvenile court open? Well, as a matter of fact, we haven't any juvenile court. Judge Hooker hears the juvenile cases, and he doesn't sit till Monday. Judge Hooker? Well, I know him well. Sure. We know him well. Quiet, Leroy. Judge Hooker is one of my best friends, Chief. I'll get him right down here. May I use your telephone? Right there on the desk. Thank you. Judge Hooker, the old goat. I guess this thing straightened out right away. Yeah. Hello, Judge. This is Gildy, your little chum. How you been? How's your golf game? Say, I'll bet you're shooting down those low 70s now, you old son of a gun. Oh, Judge, by the way, before I forget, we're in a little trouble down here. I wonder if you could run down for a minute at the police station. And no, no, it's nothing at all, just a little boyish prank. But, Judge, have a heart. I wouldn't let him hold him here all weekend. No, no, it's Leroy, not me. Thanks, Judge. Here you go. I object. The court is prejudiced. Quiet. Turning off the court's water has nothing whatever to do with this case. Nothing has been said about turning off the court's water. No, but I know what you're thinking. And let me say this, Judge. I propose to conduct my office without fear or failure. I ask no favors and I give none. Hey, don't take it easy. Be quiet. I shall be pleased to have the court's water turned on. Again, as soon as the court pays the $11.86 a dose, and not before. Is the gentleman quite through? Eh, quite. I should like to point out in the first place that the court is not on trial here. You man, you plead guilty, do you not? Yes, Judge. I mean your honor. The evidence is quite clear. In this case, as in so many others that come before this court, the fault lies not at the door of this innocent minor, but with those entrusted with his upbringing. Why you? Quiet. It is hardly to be expected that a child of his tender years brought up in such a deplorable environment would escape entirely unscathed. Oh, you old goat. That's why. Quiet. Yes, yes. You, in the circumstances, young man, I find you $25 in costs. What? However, I will suspend the sentence on the fine. Well, that's big of you, Judge. But not on the costs. The costs? What's that? My time and inconvenience in coming down here. What is that amount to? Exactly $11.86. Take it and turn on my water. Oh! Dear diary, I'm going to have to do something about Leroy. I've noticed that he's been getting awfully fresh lately, but today he broke the law. I wonder if maybe Judge Hooker was right. Perhaps I haven't spent enough time with a boy. Perhaps I ought to get to know him better. There's only one thing. If I knew him any better, could I stand him at all? Good night, everybody. The music heard on this program was composed and conducted by Billy Mills. This is Frank Bingman speaking for The Craft Cheese Company and inviting you to tune in again next week for the further adventures of The Great Gelder Sleeves. Chili Autumn Weather calls for hearty meals even if you haven't all the time in the world to prepare them. That's why it's mighty handy to have a package or two of Pabstette around. Yes, Pabstette, the delicious golden cheese food of a hundred different uses. You see, it's no trick at all to whip up rare bits, souffles, all kind of cooked cheese dishes if you use Pabstette because it melts so smoothly and blends right in with other foods. You like making sandwiches and snacks with Pabstette, too, because it slices and spreads so easily. All together you'll find countless ways to use Pabstette for tasty time-saving meals, nourishing meals, too, because Pabstette is a reliable source of food energy, milk protein, the milk minerals, calcium and phosphorus, and important vitamin A. So keep Pabstette on hand. Your food dealer has it in the distinctive round, flat package. Yes, tomorrow ask for Pabstette, P-A-B-S-T-E-T-T, the delicious golden cheese food of a hundred uses. This is the National Broadcasting Company.