 Ladies and gentlemen, Dennis Day. Dennis Day is brought to you by Colgate Dental Cream and Luster Cream Shampoo. Colgate Dental Cream to clean your breath while you clean your teeth. Luster Cream Shampoo for soft, glamorous, dream girl hair. The Dennis Day Show with Barbara Eiler, B. Benadera, Dinktrop, John Brown, Charles Dent in the orchestra, and yours truly, Vern Smith, is written by Frank Galen and stars our popular young singer in A Day in the Life of Dennis Day. Here's Dennis with the story of the Blue Tail Fly. When I was young, I used to wait on master and give him his play and pass the bottle when he got drunk away the Blue Tail Fly. Jimmy Crack Farm and I Don't Care Jimmy Crack Farm and I Don't Care Jimmy Crack Farm and I Don't Care Jimmy Crack Farm in the afternoon follow after with a hickory broom a poor one chance to bite him and take the Blue Tail Fly Jimmy Crack Farm and I Don't Care Jimmy Crack Farm and we run he jumpy pitch through my mask I don't care Jimmy Crack Farm Clean your teeth. No other toothpaste has a better job of cleaning teeth than Colgate Dental Cream. Colgate Dental Cream has a safe polishing agent that cleans your teeth both gently and thoroughly. Brings out their natural sparkle and beauty. You can actually see and feel the difference. And scientific tests prove that Colgate Dental Cream cleaned your breath while it cleaned your teeth. Yes, actual scientific tests prove conclusively that in seven out of ten cases, Colgate instantly stops unpleasing breath that originates in the mouth. Colgate Dental Cream is famous for its wonderful wake up flavor too. Nationwide tests of leading toothpaste prove that Colgate's is preferred for flavor over every other brand tested. Yes, preferred over every other brand tested. And no wonder, for Colgate Dental Cream is the result of constant effort to produce the finest toothpaste in the world today. For cleaning teeth, for flavor, for sweetening breath. So see if you don't agree with the millions who have made Colgate Dental Cream America's favorite toothpaste. Try Colgate Dental Cream to bring out the natural sparkle and beauty of your teeth. For a wake up flavor you'll thoroughly enjoy. And always use Colgate Dental Cream after you eat and before every date to clean your breath while you clean your teeth. Well, as you all know, we refer to Dennis Day as our young hero and it's true, of course, that he's young. But never has that other word been used more loosely. That is, until today. For today, we find our hero a hero in truth with his picture on page one of the Weaverville Gazette. How come you ask? Well, let's listen as we find him now basking in his newly won glory at the breakfast table with Mildred and her mother. Oh, Dennis, it's just the most marvelous thing in the world. Dennis, how did it happen? Well, I was walking down Elm Street through the ice and snow and suddenly I saw Mr. Nicholson, the postman, lying on the pavement. Right away, I suspected something was wrong. Why? Well, his right arm seemed to be coming out of his left shoulder blade and his left ankle was doubled under his right ear. Oh, dear. Oh, golly. So I said to myself, this man may have had an accident. That's what I call quick thinking. Well, what did you do then, Dennis? Well, I walked up to him and I asked him what was new. I imagine he told you, didn't he? Well, yes, ma'am, he went on for quite a while. And then I asked him if I could do something for him and he said, no, he was in bad enough shape already. Do you know each other or did he just make a lucky guess? Oh, I don't know, but I did realize maybe someone had a burst of appendix or something and had written for a doctor. Dennis, when people need a doctor in an emergency, they generally don't write a letter. Well, Mildred, when you're being heroic, you don't have time to think of things like that. Oh, I see. Well, go on. Well, I picked up Mr. Nicholson's mail bag and slung it over my shoulder. And a few hours later, it was all over. The mail had gone through. Well, it was a wonderful thing to do, Dennis. And I'm sure the people along your route are terribly grateful. Yeah, you bet. Mrs. Dolan told me she never enjoyed getting letters so much in her life before. You mean that old gossip who lives on the corner? Yeah, I delivered somebody else's mail to her by mistake. Oh, God, Dennis, I'm sure... Oh, hi, Daddy. Morning, children. Morning, cinnamon bun. Good morning, Herbert. Hi, Mr. Anderson. I just picked up the morning mail, Dennis, and there's a letter for you. Here you are. For me? Gee, I wonder who it's from. I don't recognize the writing, but that may be because it's typewritten. Why don't you open it? There may be some sort of clue inside. Yeah, maybe you're right. Dear Mr. D... Holy smoke is from the post office department. And they've offered me a job. A job? A job? Yeah, it seems Mr. Nicholson has decided to resign, and they want me to take his place. You mean you're going to be a postman? Sure. Oh, just imagine that, Mother. Yes, a thing like this could easily bring back the carrier pigeon. Well, did they say anything about salary, Dennis? Well, let's see. Yes, they say I can start at $1,700 base pay. $1,700? Boy, if they think that's base, they ought to hear what Mr. Willoughby is paying me. Were you going to take it, of course, aren't you, my boy? Well, yes, sure, if I can get it, but it says here I have to pass an examination. Oh, of course you'll pass. It's just a formality. You're going down to the store right now and tell Mr. Willoughby you're leaving him. Come on, I'll walk to the door with you. Okay, I'll see you folks tonight. Goodbye, Dennis. Oh, Dennis, just think if everything goes well with this new job at last we can be married. Oh, won't it be wonderful? Yeah, I'll certainly be glad to legalize our hand-holding. But right now I'm thinking about breaking off with Mr. Willoughby. Gee, I've been with him such a long time, Mildred. Oh, yes, but I'm sure he'll understand. Maybe, but I'm afraid he'll take it kind of hard. You see, we're pretty fond of each other. There's never been a warmer master and slave relationship. Morning, Mr. Willoughby. Good morning, Dennis. I'm afraid there's something I have to tell you, Mr. Willoughby, and it won't be easy. We've always stuck together, you and I, no matter what. Yes, and we've had some pretty horrible what's, too. Well, I guess you better prepare yourself for a shock, Mr. Willoughby. What would you say if I told you I've carried out the last pale of garbage for you? Dennis, you've joined a union. Oh, no, sir, it isn't that. I'm leaving you. What? Please, don't say anything. Parting is such a sweet sorrow. Don't make it any more difficult for me. I must go. God, really? Well, it's grand of you to smile, grand. I don't think I could have stood seeing a tear trickle down your lovely old face. Dennis, I don't know what I've done to deserve this. You've done nothing, Mr. Willoughby. Oh, nonsense. It must be a reward for something. But there aren't some things I'm going to miss you for that. I knew there were. Yes, those unfilled orders, the broken bottles, deliveries to the wrong addresses, customers who complain they were sold axle grease instead of cold cream. You brought me adventure, Dennis. I'm going to miss you. Can you stand it? I think so. Well, I guess this is it, then, Mr. Willoughby. Yeah, I guess it is. I'll come back later, of course. What's that? Oh, just a visit and get my things. Oh, oh, yes. Well, I'll see you at the door. Oh, no, no, I couldn't stand it. No lingering farewells. I just want to remember as you are this minute that big firm nose that was eating hairline, those shifty eyes. Dennis, if you're going, go. Yes, sir. So long, old paint. Yes, sir. My name is Dennis Day. I got a letter from you saying something about a postal examination. Oh, yes. So you're Mr. Day. Sit right down. I'm glad to meet you. Thank you, sir. We're very grateful to you, Mr. Day, and your appointment is virtually assured. So we've decided to give you a simple verbal or oral examination. Good. Either one is okay with me. And now then we'll get busy on the form. Name, Dennis Day, of course. Any brothers and sisters, Mr. Day? One of each. The names, please. John and Marie. Marie is the sister. As I had a hunch, she was. A mother and father, Mr. Day? Also one of each. But what are their names? Oh, Amalia and Patrick. Thank you. I think we can tell which is which at a glance. Yes, sir. And now then, Mr. Day, have you ever had any previous experience with the United States Post Office? Oh, yes, sir. I've been one of your customers for years. We're intensely grateful to you. But you see, I'm trying to find out what you know about the postal service. Oh. For instance, have you ever heard of a male Frank? Oh, yes, sir. All the Franks I ever knew were. Mr. Day, I always thought these examinations were pretty dull. You're changing all of them. Shall we go on? You bet we shall. I'm going to a party tonight and I just know I'll be the life of it. We come now to the examination proper, Mr. Day. Yes, sir. Our first group of questions are those requiring thought. Shall we throw them away? Oh, no, sir. All right, let's have fun. Question A is a geography question. Have you done any traveling around the country, Mr. Day? Yes, sir. See, that was pretty easy, wasn't it? Yes, it was, but that wasn't the question. Oh. The question is, in traveling between Chicago and Cleveland, what cities do you pass through? New Orleans, Los Angeles, Philadelphia, and Omaha. Mr. Day, just how have you done your traveling? By troop train. I beg your pardon. Your answer is accepted. Now, our next question is one involving logic. Hopefully, before you answer. A mail sack is to letters as a purse is to horseback riding, cheese, or money. It is? Not all three of them. You have your choice. Oh, okay. Horseback riding. I'm afraid I can't accept that. But I thought you gave me my choice. Today, a mail sack must be the same to letters that a purse is to money, mustn't it? Not my purse. Next question. How ordinarily your mail route starts at First Avenue and ends at Third Avenue. Uh-huh. But today, your bag contains four pounds of mail for First Avenue, eight pounds for Third Avenue, and 14 pounds for Second Avenue. So you sling the bag to your shoulder and what do you do? Fall down. Mr. Day, I love you. Next question is one you should take right in stride. Now, what's the difference between First Class Mail and Fourth Class Mail? Second and Third. I knew you wouldn't let me down. And that, Mr. Day, concludes the examination. And I... I don't get the job. Oh, on the contrary, starting Monday, you'll be one of our regular mail carriers. Oh, thank you, sir. Thank you. Oh, don't thank me. You're getting the job because of what you did for the department. But, uh, do me a favor, will you? Plasman lying on the street. Give the post office a real break. Just let him lie there. Hi, Willoughby old man. How's trick? Just dropped in to pick up my things. Well, well, you're a pretty flip, aren't you? I just landed a job, Willoughby. A real job of plenty of money. You're looking at a big man, pal. You mean there's actually someone who'll pay you more than I did? Are you kidding? They're starting me a 200 a month, and if I make good from then on, it's 25 a week. Don't let them pay you by the hour, Dennis. You couldn't afford it. Uh, uh, you're just jealous because you know it'll be tough for you to replace me. I'm going back and get my things. Okay. Hi, Mr. Nicholson, the postman. Well, hello there, young fella. Oh, gosh. What are you doing here? Well, I'm working here. Willoughby said he just lost the fella he had, so I took the job. But your left leg is broken and both your arms are in a cast. I know, but he said I'd be more healthy in this way than the other fella was when he... Gee, Mr. Nicholson, I'm the other fella. No. Yes, and now I've got your old job with the post office. Well, that's a funny one. Dang it, we didn't swap jobs. Yeah, well, I sure hope you like it here. And of course, at least you'll make the best of it. Isn't it a good job? Oh, the job is all right. It's just the work and the salary. That's so horrible. Well, you don't say. Well, I know you'll be happy in my old job. You'll like the people on the route. Old Doc Peterson, too. Oh, is he on my route? No, but you'll find him the best man in town for your pneumonia. My pneumonia? Oh, sure. When they say neither hail nor sleet nor gloom of night, they ain't kidding. Gosh. Oh, of course, you gotta remember to keep on the lookout for killer all the time, too. Killer? Who's killer? Why, the Dolan's dog. That big blood hound there. Oh, my gosh, and I've got some of the very stuffy hounds. And on despair, either, I see. You better be careful, son. Boy, I'll say I will. Well, I've gotta be going, Mr. Nicholson. I'll leave you my knee pads, of course. Your knee pads? Yeah, you'll be using them all the time here. When you're not scrubbing the floor, you'll be begging Mr. Willoughby for a raise. You mean he makes you scrub floors here? And clean the walls and wash the windows and carry out the garbage. That's the trickiest operation of all. Oh, say I was wondering about that. I haven't been able to find a garbage pail. There isn't any. That's what makes it so tricky. You know something, young fella? I've been doing some thinking. Yeah, me, too. You know, maybe we'd both be happy if we had our old jobs back. You ain't kidding. Well, I think it could be done if you do everything wrong around here. That'll convince Mr. Willoughby that he'd be better off hiring me back again. Oh, I see. I make him think I'm a worse employee than you, huh? That's it. It won't be easy, but I think it's possible. Yeah. And meanwhile, you... Hey, wait a minute. How are you going to quit? Huh? Well, that paper they made you sign, the county contract, that bind you for a period of one year. Oh, my gosh. That must have been in the small print, which I didn't read. No, it's in the large print. Which I didn't read either. Well, I'm afraid you're stuck, young fella. As soon as you take the fitness and character test, they'll swear you in. The fitness and... Now, if you send a man around to make sure you're a good law-abiding citizen. Oh, they do, do they? Well, brother, you worry they're over. We're home. Never mind. Just do your stuff here with Mr. Willoughby. I'll have that man check me at my boarding house, and that formality is going to be the most informal evening he ever spent. Sure we're doing the right thing? Oh, Mildred, you don't want me to get fit into death, do you? Or die of pneumonia? Or maybe both at once. Well, no, of course not. Then this is the only way. Now look, the man from the post office will be here any minute. Well, don't worry. Daddy and mother and I know just what to do. I can't get over it. Your mother is actually going to help me. Yes. She says they're getting you out of the post office as just as patriotic as buying war bonds. Well, as long as she plays her part right, I just hope that they... Oh, my gosh, there he is now. I'll take it. You duck into the parlor. Okay. Yes? How do you do? I'm Mr. Lesser from the post office department. I'm looking for a Mr. Dennis day. That's me. Oh, good, good. This won't take a minute, Mr. Day. It's what we call our character test. Just to make sure you're a good citizen. Fine. Now then, may I have your full name, please? First, middle and last. Sure. Dennis Heinrich von Himmler, Gehring Schickelgrubel von Fackalopp, Liebkraub, Day. Day. Are you a foreigner? Why have I ever gave you that idea? Mr. Day? Forget it. I'm pure American for six generations back. You're certain of that? Oh, you are sure. Naturally. Fishes, Mr. Day. Oh, don't be silly. What do you think I am, a spy? Oh, no. Of course not, but... Pardon me, Chief. X-14 on the shortwave. It's Nate Gretchen. He's a B-U-L-L. Oh. Oh, excuse me. And just who is X-14, Mr. Day? Oh, that's my aunt. It's kind of a pet name we call her. Uh... Uh... What about these Anderson's you live with? What sort of people are they? Oh, just plain people. What nationality are they? Why, dear... I do you do! Yashaslav Anderson. How often have I told you not to come in here without knocking? Ha-ha. Silly boy. I have here the pictures. Yes, but we can't... Pictures, huh? Here, let me have a look at those. Oh, no you don't. It's none of your business. What's the floor plan of Fort Knox's? Fort Knox! Give me those. Hey! Why, these are just photographs of Lana Turner. You ought to see what happens when you put them under the hot water faucet. What kind of a gang is this, anyway? Gang? Why, we're just a plain normal American family like any other ordinary family. Hello, chiefie. Hello, Madda. Mr. Lester, I'd like to present Mrs. Madda H. Anderson. I'm glad to know you, big boy. Had a nice day, Madda? No, not too bad. I got the map of the uranium deposit and here are the plans for the supersonic plane. The general came through. That's my fine girl. Same method as usual. Certainly. Rope him, soft-soap him, elope him, and dope him. Good work. We can take this over to the sublot and sublot make legation and collect three million dollars. Yeah, I thought a nice quiet spot among the registered males might be nice. Oh, you did, huh? Well, let me tell you, after what I've seen tonight, you'll never work in a post office as long as you live. Goodbye, sir. Hey, we did it. We did it. He fell for it. What do you know? By George, he did it. I think ever? Yeah. I'm glad I'm out of that mess and it sure was nice of you folks to help me. It was rather fun. What do you think her be, you great big old hunk of oomfews? Dennis Day will be back in just one minute to sing a few more kisses. But first... Luster Cream Beautiful Luster Cream Hair that gleams and glistens from a Luster Cream Shampoo Yes, Luster Cream Shampoo leaves hair with new three-way loveliness. One, fragrantly clean. Two, glistening with sheen. Three, soft, easy to manage. Luster Cream is not a soap, not a liquid, but an utterly new, rich, lathering cream shampoo. A blend of secret ingredients plus lanolin. Try Luster Cream Shampoo. Four ounce jar only one dollar. Also in smaller sizes. Be a dream girl. A lovely Luster Cream girl. Dream girl, dream girl. Beautiful Luster Cream girl. You owe your crowning glory to a Luster Cream Shampoo. Charles Dent in the orchestra. Here's Dennis to sing his latest RCA Victor recording. The hit ballad. A few more kisses. Prove the palm olive plan brings two out of three women, lovelier complexions in 14 days. For the palm olive plan was tested on women with all types of skin. Dry, oily, even skin that was not clear. Yes, regardless of age, type of skin or previous beauty care. Prove the 14-day palm olive plan girl looking complexions. So get palm olive soap and start your 14-day palm olive plan now.