 isn't harder or is it easier for an Asian man to date in America than it was 15 years ago? We're gonna try to break this question down. Oh man, I feel like this topic goes viral every one to two weeks on the internet and there's like so many people that have so much to say about it because obviously you have to take your own individual circumstances into consideration. Your own locality, your city, your community and of course societal shifts that are often very difficult to succinctly explain in a few sentences because it's society. It's a very bird's-eye thing to analyze. And everybody has a different perspective. However, we are going to try to give you somewhat of a concise answer in this video. So please stay tuned. Hit that like button and check out other episodes of the hot pot boys because this is not the first time or the last time we address this topic. But real quick, shout out to SmalaSauce.com. This is our very own chili oil. Our first consumer package good that we're sending out to people. So check it out. SmalaSauce.com made with real truffle made in America. Very delicious. Andrew, what are your facts, your own personal facts of the dating landscape? Okay. So I think first of all, we have to understand and this is to me an indisputable truth. Having been someone who has lived on this earth for more than 15 years, there is no better time in American history to be an Asian male. Any type of Asian, I get it. There's different types of Asians. Let's just say any type of Asian. It is still the best time than ever. Now, what does that mean though? Because that's a very like kind of vague thing to say to people. I'm like, what does that mean? We can argue on how good it is, but I think it's indisputable that it's better. We have way more media representation. I think there's a lot more Asian guys in politics and movies have made it in America. There's a lot more Asian male community. But what if I like that style where we just came over as immigrants, people got matched off when they were about 19 years old and then just lived life. What if I would have done better in that era? Well, you can still do that. I mean, there's still matchmaking and arranged marriages, you know, especially back in Asia or depending on who your family is. But anyways, yeah, it's the best time to be an Asian guy. I think it's pretty fair. There's a lot of arguments for that. Yeah. I think that guys should take that information and just like use it as a, put them in a proactive mindset to shoot forward. Because I think a lot of Asian guys, the biggest, one of the biggest problems is like when you feel like it's hopeless, you don't even want to waste the effort to attack. Exactly. So it's like, you got to attack because there's a chance. Another truth that you have to accept is that dating is more complicated and complex and murky than ever before. But Andrew, doesn't that just go against your point one? How can it be the best ever and the most complex and murky ever? It's the best time to be an Asian man. It is hard to date though. And this go because this applies to everybody. That's why there's so many black guys and white guys and all different types of guys on the internet with channels speaking to other young men. Are you talking about the male improvement coaches? Yeah. And I'm not talking about Andrew Tate, dude. That's not as helpful to listen to him. But I'm saying like, there's actually a lot of YouTubers and people who have kind of glowed up and they're trying to talk to their own like communities or their fan base. So I guess, what do you mean? But how do you specifically describe to somebody who's like, what do you mean it's more murky? All right. So it's more complex and the fact that there's a lot of online dating. Obviously, there's dating. There's flings. There's hookups. There's the hookup culture. There's open relationships. A lot of people are marrying later. Obviously the divorce rate is still high. That's true. A lot of people are swingers. Yeah. Based off the dating apps. Dude, you know how it is. I've been on the dating apps before. It's very fleeting. You can have a spark with someone, even go on a date with them, and then they can ghost you the next time. Or maybe you do the ghosting. It has happened, right? So I think that it's just not as straightforward and simple as what I mean. But that's for everybody. That's what I want to say. So you're saying that even though it's better, you have to learn a lot more vocabulary. Because you probably, if you don't know any of these words, if you're like, hey, what's ghosting? You might be in trouble. In short, the playing field for Asian men got more even for Asian men. So that's good. We got lifted. But the playing field is still tough for everybody. Right, right, right. I can see that. I think an easy video game analogy, Andrew, is that the expansion pack arrived, which made the game map more complex. But let's just say Asian guys were viewed as the Zerg. The Zerg in World of Warcraft. Picking the Zerg has less weaknesses than it used to. Let's just say a lot of dudes need to update their pack. All right, there's a lot of dudes who are not updated. You've got to get more regular firmware updates. Another truth is that there is more knowledge, more literature, and more coaching than ever before on how to improve yourself and how to improve your dating life. A lot of these guys will try to sell you something. I'm not selling you on anything. I'm just letting you know there's a lot of free knowledge. And there's a lot more other guys you can even find within your community that can help talk you through it or even guide you or just influence you. I remember getting good at basketball in the Asian community, if you weren't in California and the Japanese world, was so hard at one point. But nowadays, Andrew, it feels like there's so many pro skills trainers, even for youth, in like Anywhereville, USA. Exactly, guys. But you still got to sign up for that. For professional sports, the skill and talent and athleticism has gone up. So that means the sports world is just as competitive as it's ever been. The NBA is just as competitive, but the talent floor has gone up. So we all have to raise our talents. Yeah, but there's more access to those coaching facilities and one-on-one training than there's ever been. Exactly. So if you're a young person trying to get good at a sport and you haven't even YouTubeed a coach and a coach's advice, then you're lagging behind. That's a fact. Ooh, that's a good point. You've got to be way more proactive yourself. So who did the dating pool get better for? This is my theory. This is my thesis. I'm going to list off who it got better for and who it got worse for in the Asian world. So I think for the average Asian guy, it overall got a little bit better. Yes. It did. Just average Asian guy got a little bit better. Because the stereotypes are not as prevalent and the most negative ones are lessening. It's more frowned upon to make fun of Asian men in public. OK, so the small PP stereotypes, you still might get those here and there, but it's really more frowned upon to be with the racial stereotypes. No, 20 years ago, 10 years ago, bro, you might have got it at work. Now HR, they're getting that call. Exactly. I think we're getting a lot more looks. I do think there's a lot more different types of people who are open to Asian men. They're looking for Asian men. I'm not saying Asian men are loved number one, but there is actually a portion of non-Asian women who are seeking Asian men. And that's something that probably didn't really exist 20 years ago. Shout out to Eastern Europe. Yeah, I mean, a lot of immigrant women, I think they appreciate Asian guys, but also just a lot of open-minded people. I think men who are benefiting a lot are obviously above average Asian men. I think they saw the biggest boost with the Asian rise. Are you talking about lookism? What I'm talking about, let me explain with a picture. This is Asia. Are you talking about the life of a high value male? The high value Asian guys, yeah, I think the ones that were at the top of the pyramid, you can see they got the most dense boost. It's the most green at the top. It's true. I think that they saw their levels go through the roof. Now, I think all guys, all Asian guys saw a little bit of a lift, but we'll get a little bit more empathy from people. But I think the guys at the top, they got the biggest boost. Also, I think guys who are putting in the most effort and improving themselves, obviously they see a boost, because like we said, the game is the game and you got to up your technique. You got to update your pack. You got to get the expansion pack. You got to do all these things. And then rich dudes, rich dudes who know how to spend their money. Obviously, this whole dating pool, especially dating apps, it really benefits them. Right, because rich dudes have just ability to go to Omakase on a first date and then afterwards go to Michelin Dishon. Yeah, the buy table or whatever. Obviously, not all rich guys, rich guys still have to understand. Not all girls fully respond to deployment of capital, but I am not saying all women care about money like that. There's a portion. I'm just saying, obviously, if you have money, it does make the experience easier. It has never hurt. It's never hurt anybody. I've never seen it ever being needed. But don't think the money makes up for your crappy personality. That's true. Anyways, who did it get worse for, David? So I am going to go through who I think the dating pool got worse for as far as Asian guys. I think men who only date through dating apps who cannot handle the emotional or mental roller coaster that it is to be on a dating app. And what I mean is that you face so much rejection. You face ghosting. You face you'll have sparks and then they flame out. And basically, if you cannot handle that up and down of online dating, it's going to be very, very hard for you. Right. You're like, finally, I matched with this girl of my dreams. And then just like one message, no reply. Exactly. Just dead end. Yeah. So me, I face a lot of rejection in person, you know, even in our early in my college days or early 20s. So by the time I got on the apps, I felt like rejection from the apps is not that big of a deal. So this is where if you only started dating on the apps and that's all you know, as far as dating, it can really, really wear down on you. But you got to know what it's like to get rejected in person to your face. Just so you know, getting rejected online is nothing. I would agree that having thick skin and a thick mental skin, they're probably more important now than ever. Let me tell you guys, being successful on the dating apps requires mental and emotional fortitude, which a lot of men don't have. Okay, what is the next group of people where like you said, as overall it's better, but there's some groups that it did. Your acknowledging got worse. Exactly. I think men who don't put an effort, men who are not thinking about how to improve, men who are outdated, men who need to update their style pack, their personality pack. Listen, again, if you've never looked up. Fitness pack. Yeah. If yes, exactly. If you feel like you have trouble in dating and you've never looked and really thought about self improvement in a holistic way, you're behind. So you're saying if you're not running the hardcore firmware updates. Exactly. Yeah. No, I think some people, like I said, they wanted to be like their grandpa, where their grandpa just got like assigned a wife and you just hope that it was a good looking wife that you vibe with when you arrived and then life was like the farm days. Yeah. It ain't like the farm days anymore. It ain't like the farm days anymore. Okay. It is true. Your parents are introducing you to less possible suitors and matches. It's true because back in the day, you might meet someone through a family fan, through the organization. You're saying the folksy style is going away. Yeah. But that's what I'm saying. So that's what I'm saying. That's why I said earlier when I said really guys who are tapped into the folksy 1920s lifestyle could be taken an L if they don't update. Yeah. Why are you stuck in the 1920s lifestyle? You got to understand what it is nowadays. And I'm not saying, listen, I think if you're deep in the church world and like, you know, the temple world or like. Because sometimes that could be more folksy. More in a religious world. Like if you go to like a Sikh temple, if you're like, you know, Indian, whatever, whatever, if you're religious, obviously those worlds tend to operate a little bit more traditionally. Old world. Yeah. Sure. That's which is good. If that's the world you're in, you'll meet a lot of people through that community. But I'm just saying, if you don't have that as part of your life and you're only on the apps dating, then you have to update your technique. Period. Makes sense. Makes sense. So let's go into the common section real quick for some other perspective because that was kind of my perspective. You guys, let me know in the comments down below what you think about that. It kind of reminds me of some people who have not acknowledged that like basketball is all about like long range shooting and like off ball action. Yeah. In 2023, if you ain't shooting the long bomb and you ain't setting screens off ball screen in the screener, how are you going to get open? Yeah. If you're not super tall and you can't hit an open three, good luck. Good luck. That's the way the game has changed. Update the basketball firmware pack. Let's just get into four interesting comments that we pulled off the internet, Andrew. This guy said Asian men have gotten a lift amongst other men, but dating overall as a market became worse and more complicated. Yeah. I think I do agree with this because that's what we were saying, that dating got more complicated. I don't know if dating got worse because I think if dating by dating, you mean like, you know, dating around. No, he's saying that it turned into a winner takes all situation. You know where the top 10, 20% like this top weight? It's almost like tennis stars. You know, like once you get past the top, top tennis stars, they're not making that much money. Yeah. No, same with golfers. Like there's only like a handful of golfers that are super rich off golf. They make all the money, right? Yeah. But there's a lot of pro golfers that are in the game. But I kind of agree. I don't love the whole 80-20 rule. You know, like David, guys on the internet will throw it. Oh, yeah, 80% of women only want 20% of guys. That's why I can't get a date. I'm like, I don't think it's 80-20. I think that they're going to get a lot of the looks, but I think that there's always self-improvement. And I think it's not as lopsided as that. So I'm going to argue on the percentage, like percentage. I think that maybe sometimes guys underestimate how much self-improvement is self-improvement though. It's not just like switching to Diet Cokes. No, no, it's it's holistic. Holistic meaning all around. Like one of a hundred things that maybe you need to do. Somebody said, I feel like it's easier for Asian men to date nowadays due to K-pop and stuff. I think that's just like a crazy statement and just be like, oh, yeah, Asian guys date more because of K-pop. I'm like, no, I think it gets Asian guys more interest. Obviously, I think if you fall more closer to the K-pop world or K-drama world in particular. Closer to the blast zone. It's not really K-pop as much, dude. There's not that many guys who look like K-pop stars. There's more guys who look like K-drama stars, let's be honest, like Park Soljoon and stuff. But I'm saying, if you fall closer to that, you definitely saw a larger boost. But I think, again, that I just think Asian guys in general are getting looks. Like I've been on dates with girls who was like, oh, yeah, I dated a Korean or Vietnamese guy first or Chinese guy. And I think to a lot of girls, it just made them more okay with being out with an Asian guy. It doesn't mean that you have to be Korean. Right, right. Somebody said it is as hard or as easy as you make it and the effort you put in. You see posts of Asian men killing it, pity partying and everything in between. I think that a lot of it is perspective, man. And again, I'm not going to tell somebody because I don't know everybody's situation out there. I'm not going to be like, oh, it's your fault, right? But of course, I'm just saying, like, there is, there is a, it is mental. A lot of the game is mental. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. It really depends. Like, man, like one thing I realized is I got older as far as like talking to Asian guys about dating. It's like people have seen such different reps to the point where their perspectives are almost like not even fully aligned. You know, but the more reps you've seen, let's say, for example, you worked in nightlife. You worked as a club promoter, as a bartender, as a blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Then those people's perspectives will more align because they've seen the most reps. Yes, yes. I think at the end of the day, you have to talk to people who have seen a lot of reps. If you even diverse reps, if you've only seen three reps and they've all been bad, well, you need to talk to someone who's seen 100 reps. Right. Because then to yourself internally, you can justify, well, 100% of my reps that I've seen logically went this way. And it's like, but did you even see enough sample size? Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely. This guy said this, he summed it up saying, I'm assuming that dating might be easier especially if you have your shiz together, but harder to find somebody who you want to be serious with or marry. I think there's truth to this. I think it is harder to lock someone down or to lock yourself down and to commit now than ever with all the options at play. Yeah. And I feel like the people who do link up early, they're the more traditionally-minded people in a community. You know what I mean? Yeah. But those are the people who are pairing off earlier and having the more old school lifestyle in the new school earlier. But I think if you are a decent person, you're improving yourself, you're trying to look good, you're taking good photos, you're sociable and you're not a weirdo, then I think you can meet a lot of people especially in the big cities. You can meet a lot of people even if you're Asian. Yeah. I mean, specifically you're talking about through the internet. Through the apps. Yeah. But again, through the apps, you have to try to make your profile good on the apps. So the apps open up the game, but if you don't learn the apps and learn the game, then you just open yourself up to a whole world of taking Ls. Yes, yes. Here's the, here's the, to wrap it all up guys. Dating apps are complicated and I think if you do not try hard at them, they basically feel like a trap to you. Which I can see. I can see- An L trap. Yeah, just a big old L trap. But obviously it has benefited a lot of people and a lot of people have succeeded at it. So I think that you have to know, you have to know that you gave it a good shot, an actual good shot. And that means- Capitalism is here guys, but you got to learn capitalism. Let me wrap this up. Listen, if you're an Asian guy, and this is a lot of Asian dudes out there, and I can empathize sort of with this situation. If you're an Asian guy, you didn't grow up around all this masculinity talk. Your dad wasn't like coaching you. You didn't have an uncle. You didn't have a coach close to you. You didn't have an older cousin putting you on a game. Maybe you didn't play a lot of team sports. Okay. Maybe you focused on school. Maybe there's a language barrier between you and your parents and your relatives. And you just didn't have a lot of this unintentional, natural environment coaching for these things on how to talk to women, how to be masculine, how to improve yourself, how to be fit, how to be cool, how to be confident. A lot of people did not get this coaching. Well, specifically second generation immigrants. And it's probably specifically Chinese. I mean, extra. I mean, I'm not saying all Asians didn't, but extra for Chinese. And it is not your fault that that happened. But now that you're older and you're an adult, it is your fault. If you know that you're from that situation and you don't do anything about it. Yeah, that's true. So you can't watch all the video game playthroughs and then watch JJ Reddick breakdown floppy action. And you didn't watch anything about like how to impact your life today. Exactly. You have to acknowledge that you are behind. Very few people are going to tell you that to your face. Right. Very few people are going to be like, Yo, bro, you're lagging behind. And then you're going to even have to take that, accept it and then start the process of doing better. So earlier, you know that the better, right? So that's that's my thing. I mean, I feel like that. So I guess to wrap it up, I think dating did get easier for Asian men, but dating in general got more complicated and complex. So that requires Asian men who started behind in the coaching to kind of get ahead and start updating themselves. Yeah, for example, guys, let's just break up life into like eight different aspects. You got to understand that certain aspects in your life, organically, probably the firmware deck or the upgrades are further along than other ones. What could you do to bring them bring them all up to speed? Yeah, just think about it. Yeah, just think about it. Just take the first step. Anyways, guys, hopefully this video helped somebody out there. This is not the first time or the last time we're going to talk about Asian male dating. That was my perspective. You could tell me if I'm wrong. If you disagree, whatever. Encourage debate in the comment section. Let me know in the comments down below what you thought about that. But hopefully it reached somebody. So until next time, everybody, we are the hot pop boys. We out. Peace.